S2: #83 - The Pressure of Being Perfect

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth S2: #83 - The Pressure of Being Perfect

Release Date: October 7, 2020

Hosts: Shayne Topp (Ian), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Kimmy), and a rotating Smosh friend.

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Introduction

In this episode of Smosh Mouth, hosts Shayne Topp (referred to as Ian) and Amanda Lehan-Canto (Kimmy) delve deep into the theme "The Pressure of Being Perfect." They explore personal experiences related to identity, mental health, and the societal expectations that drive the pursuit of perfection. The conversation is enriched with candid anecdotes, humorous interludes, and insightful reflections, providing listeners with an engaging and relatable discussion.

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1. The Persona and Perfection Pressure

Kimmy’s Audition Persona: Kimmy opens up about her "audition persona," a bubbly and positive facade she adopted during her auditions for Smosh that eventually became her enduring public persona.

Kimmy [00:04]: "a lot of people put on this, like, audition Persona... just an audition Persona that never went away."

This persona masks underlying anxiety and the relentless pursuit of perfection, which Kimmy acknowledges affects various aspects of her life.

Kimmy [00:28]: "The way that I would start to handle that anxiety and stress, too, would just be with eating."

Striving for Perfection: Ian and Kimmy discuss how the pressure to excel academically and in extracurricular activities during their upbringing contributed to their stress and need for perfection.

Kimmy [49:55]: "I just had way too many activities going on as a kid. Like, I was president of two different clubs... And I feel like I'm even missing... I kind of wish I did because it was such a life takeover and it would stress me out so much."

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2. Identity and Racial Perspectives

Cultural Identity Struggles: Kimmy shares her experiences growing up as a Filipino who is often mistaken for Latinx, highlighting the complexities of mixed-race identities.

Kimmy [38:30]: "people would just assume that I spoke fluent Spanish... but I'm Filipino."

Navigating Mixed Identities: The conversation touches on the challenges of fitting into cultural boxes and the internal struggle to identify with multiple heritages.

Kimmy [40:45]: "sometimes people... ask you to, to get into a box of sorts. And they're like, which one do you feel like you're more a part of?"

Integration and Acceptance: Kimmy emphasizes the importance of understanding one's cultural history and embracing all facets of her identity.

Kimmy [42:30]: "everyone kind of figures out their identity more as they grow up... learning more about each side of my culture."

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3. Communication Styles and Relationships

Being Upbeat vs. Internal Struggles: Kimmy discusses her natural upbeat demeanor, influenced by her mother's positivity, and how she manages moments of internal struggle.

Kimmy [07:24]: "I like to look at the good side of things... if I'm experiencing something, can it just maybe hold off for a little bit longer..."

Bluntness vs. Passive-Aggressiveness: The hosts explore the benefits and pitfalls of being blunt in communication versus the often detrimental nature of passive-aggressive behavior.

Kimmy [22:12]: "there is a level to being truthful, but also... being able to not go beyond what you need to."

Protective Instincts: Kimmy explains how she defends her friends and herself from those who might take advantage of her kindness, drawing strength from her father's side of the family.

Kimmy [25:50]: "if someone is trying to take advantage of me... I'll tell them how it is."

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4. Mental Health and Eating Disorders

Anxiety and Coping Mechanisms: Both hosts open up about their struggles with anxiety and how it influenced their behaviors, such as Kimmy's reliance on food to manage stress.

Kimmy [55:01]: "I had to learn to just listen to my body more... what am I experiencing?"

Unhealthy Relationships with Food: Kimmy candidly discusses her past with binge eating and participating in unhealthy diet fads as a means to cope with stress and achieve a sense of control.

Kimmy [60:42]: "This is how I'm gonna like, you know, get myself to like love me again is to like try and make something happen with my weight."

Path to Self-Love and Healthy Habits: The conversation shifts to the journey toward self-acceptance, emphasizing the importance of internal validation and building a healthier relationship with food and self-worth.

Kimmy [62:32]: "therapy and being more communicative about how I'm feeling... affirm your other good qualities about yourself."

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5. "Shoot, Dude" Segment

In this humorous segment, Ian shares a truncated version of Chris's story about a violinist mishap at a wedding reception, illustrating an embarrassingly funny incident.

Kimmy [71:24]: "Shoot, dude, shoot, dude... How did we get to this part of the conversation?"

The story revolves around Ian's character stepping into a puddle of melted dry ice, causing a humorous yet chaotic situation without any serious consequences.

Ian [72:54]: "I saw my life flash through my eyes that very moment... I quickly packed up my violin and just wanted to bolt out of the reception hall."

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6. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with reflections on the discussions, emphasizing the importance of open communication, self-love, and the continuous journey of personal growth. Kimmy and Ian express gratitude for sharing their stories and encourage listeners to engage with future episodes.

Kimmy [77:15]: "This all, this is great. It's a good way... giving a little therapized."

Final Thoughts: The hosts underscore the significance of balancing external expectations with internal well-being, advocating for authenticity and supportive relationships as key components of overcoming the pressure to be perfect.

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Notable Quotes

1. Kimmy on Handling Anxiety:

   "The way that I would start to handle that anxiety and stress, too, would just be with eating." [00:28]

2. Kimmy on Cultural Identity:

   "I feel like I've had so many conversations with people about my apartment and stuff like this, where I'm like, oh, you think that you're gonna do that? No. Legally, no." [25:27]

3. Ian on Communication:

   "The answer to your question, Kimmy, is that that is a myth. That is not true." [11:02]

4. Kimmy on Self-Love:

   "I need to make sure that I'm making these decisions about like, food and about health... based on just wanting to like internally feel good and feel more active and like more energetic and happier." [62:22]

5. Kimmy on Relationships:

   "every relationship in your life should serve a purpose in some way. Like, you should be like, that person should make you feel good or support you." [69:01]

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Listen to the full episode here to gain deeper insights into the challenges and triumphs of striving for perfection and finding one's true identity.

Transcript

[Ian]

You know, a lot of people put on this, like, audition Persona. I feel like what we got was Kimmy, but it seemed like an audition Persona that just never went away.

[Kimmy]

My close friends are like, people think that they can kind of get away with certain stuff with Kimmy, but if they actually try something with her, she'll, Like, She'll. She'll. She'll snap.

[Ian]

That anxiety and, like, striving for perfection manifested itself in other ways.

[Kimmy]

The way that I would start to handle that anxiety and stress, too, would just be with eating. I am a much taller and oftentimes white passing individual. I have, like, weird stories from elementary school. We had, like, a pickup soccer game at recess, so it was like the Asian kids versus the white kids.

[Ian]

Oh.

[Kimmy]

And they were like, kimmy, like, which.

[Ian]

Side you pick us up? Oh, God.

[Kimmy]

Yay. You okay, Ian? Sleepy boy.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

It happens.

[Ian]

It's a weird. It was a weird morning, man.

[Kimmy]

You know what? It was? Yeah. I feel like there's a lot that happened to you this morning.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

Plus, just, like, consuming a full breakfast burrito. And it's probably just digesting right now, I think so. It's hitting your stomach so hard, I think.

[Ian]

Yeah. I think my body just is very confused right now.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

For. Hello.

[Kimmy]

Hi.

[Ian]

Welcome to the Smosh cast. Today, I am joined by. By the way, I'm Ian.

[Kimmy]

That's Ian.

[Ian]

I'm Ian. Today I'm joined by Kimmy.

[Kimmy]

Hi, I'm here.

[Ian]

Kimmy, as many of you guys know, is in Smosh videos.

[Kimmy]

I'm a human woman.

[Ian]

She's a human woman. She has two arms.

[Kimmy]

I have two arms.

[Ian]

Two legs.

[Kimmy]

Two legs. They're not supposed to know about the second one.

[Ian]

Do we.

[Kimmy]

I do have two legs.

[Ian]

We have been concealing one of the. One of her legs. If you actually go back into any video that Kimmy's in, you will not see one leg. We're always hiding one. It's kind of like, you know in Home Improvement with Wilson behind the fence.

[Kimmy]

No, exactly.

[Ian]

You never see all of his face. You just see a portion of his face.

[Kimmy]

You just see a portion. Because I feel like I need to keep at least, like, one leg to myself from my public Persona.

[Ian]

You know, That's. That's really.

[Kimmy]

Just one leg's for me. Yeah. I just need to keep some things private. So maybe. Maybe you'll see my other leg today. We'll see, because we're getting deep.

[Ian]

All right.

[Kimmy]

We're getting in.

[Ian]

We are. Yeah. We plan on. We plan on getting a little deep because. Because I Feel like, Kimmy, you are a hard nut to crack. You are this. You are this nut positivity and, and brightness. And I want to. And I want to crack into that nut. Crack open and get into the. Get into the good stuff, you know, the trauma.

[Kimmy]

E gooey inside.

[Ian]

Yeah, we don't have to get into all. It's not all trauma. No, it's not all trauma. But I just.

[Kimmy]

I want to.

[Ian]

I want to get. I want to get below the surface, you know?

[Kimmy]

Sure, sure.

[Ian]

So. So we got a couple of things planned today. We're going to be going to be talking about identity growing up. The sort of you mentioned there is. There is sort of a need to be perfect when you're growing up.

[Kimmy]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Ian]

Potentially talking about some unhealthy dieting fads. Cool. And we also got a bunch of questions from you guys about Kimmy. So we got. We got a lot of stuff.

[Kimmy]

And thanks for putting in those question, guys. I saw some of those comments. Y'all are really sweet. That was fun.

[Ian]

Before we get to that, how are you feeling?

[Kimmy]

I'm good, I'm good. I'm just noticing, I think in this chair how bad my posture truly is. Do you ever notice that when you're sitting for a bit, you're like, crap, I am a elderly grandmother.

[Ian]

Recalibrate yourself.

[Kimmy]

I gotta recalibrate. I'm a 26 year old with, like, lower back issues at the moment. So I'm like, this is bad. This isn't good.

[Ian]

Well, there's exercises for that.

[Kimmy]

I need to do that.

[Ian]

A lot of stretching. Do you ever do yoga or stretching or.

[Kimmy]

I'm getting into it because for a long time there, I just couldn't touch my toes. And I'm like, that's also a problem. I need to fix that. So I've been slowly getting into stretching.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Kimmy]

But yeah, but anyways. How you doing, dude? What's going on with you?

[Ian]

I'm good. I was telling Kimmy about how this morning I woke up and I was like, I'm gonna work out. So I went.

[Kimmy]

Which is so impressive. I have the will to do nothing in the morning.

[Ian]

Yeah. I mean, the problem is I have zero will to do it at night. Cause at that point I'm just like, I just wanna, like, sit and watch the boys. Not like some random boys out on the street.

[Kimmy]

Thank you for clarifying that. We were all very concerned.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

President of our company, ladies and gentlemen.

[Ian]

No, it's a really. It's a really great show on Amazon.

[Kimmy]

I agree.

[Ian]

It's so much fun, but it's extremely gory, you know? Look, I think we're reaching a point where, like, just because you can doesn't mean you should in terms of, like, violence. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I know I was never really a fan of, like, ultra violence gore stuff. Like, it doesn't excite you. Excite me?

[Kimmy]

That's good. That probably means you aren't a mass murderer serial killer then inside. Like, you're not cut out for it. Maybe you would be if you were, like, okay with that stuff. But because you aren't okay with it, you're like, I'm gonna hold back on those tendencies.

[Ian]

Yeah, maybe. But like I was saying, I woke up this morning and I wanted to work out. Cause I just need to. And I was. I was, like, lifting weights and. Cause I just have some, like, weights at my house. I was, like, doing little dumbbells.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, lift weights, bro.

[Ian]

Yeah, I lift, bro. And I started feeling, like, really lightheaded and kind of, like, just nauseous. And this happened to me a couple times. And one time it happened to me at the gym. Like, ran into the bathroom and threw up. And I was like, that's not right. And. And, yeah, with this morning, I. I was, you know, working out, and then I was feeling a little lightheaded, and I was like, oh, I don't feel good. And I laid down. I was like, oh, I still don't feel good. And I went to the bathroom, I threw up. And I don't know why I'm doing that. And I think it's just because. Just going from, like, sleeping to then suddenly being like.

[Kimmy]

Is that how you lift weights?

[Ian]

No, no, I'm very. All right, look.

[Kimmy]

But I would love that.

[Ian]

Oh, my gosh. No.

[Kimmy]

You're very. What? You're very wet.

[Ian]

I think I'm. I'm pretty good with, like, my form, you know, and, like. And taking it slow. Because, you know, like, with a lot of, like, weightlifting, it's not about, like, getting, like, fast, crazy reps. Right, Kevin. Kevin could back me up on this.

[Kimmy]

Kevin.

[Ian]

But, like, sometimes you want to do it slow. Like, if you're curling, you don't want to just go, that's not it.

[C]

It's not the full muscle workout if you're doing it that way.

[Ian]

That's right. It's not the full muscle.

[C]

You hurt yourself.

[Ian]

Although CrossFit Bros would probably disagree with me, but CrossFit, I feel like CrossFit's.

[Kimmy]

Like, the more speed, the better.

[Ian]

Yeah. Do this.

[Kimmy]

And Throw that and then go over there. That's my impression of CrossFit.

[Ian]

Just seems like road to injury town. I don't get it. But hey, man, those CrossFit peeps, they look good.

[Kimmy]

I got a nice bad.

[Ian]

I have to admit, collectively it works. It works for me.

[Kimmy]

They see the results.

[Ian]

Yeah, that's true.

[Kimmy]

So about Kimmy, lets talk more about CrossFit bodies. No.

[Ian]

So let's, let's jump into some, let's jump into some questions.

[Kimmy]

Hell yeah. Let's do it.

[Ian]

This one comes from Chrissy Furtado. 1. Whenever you're on camera, you always seem so nice and bubbly. Have you always been that way? And if not, then what has helped you make that adjustment?

[Kimmy]

That's a cute question. First of all, thank you. That's a nice compliment. I in general do consider myself to be a pretty upbeat and bubbly person. Like I like to look, I'm an optimist. I like to look at the good side of things. And I feel like it take a lot to get me down, which is, which is great, especially in the industry that I'm in.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

But it definitely comes from my mama for sure. She, if you think like I'm any bit like sweet or like if someone's like, whoa, Kimmy, you're like too much right now. Like you're, you're so, you're like too happy.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

They haven't met my mother. I'm like a little fraction of my mom.

[Ian]

She's like Kimmy times 30, dude.

[Kimmy]

Oh my God, that's right. No, like smash. People haven't met my mom yet. That needs to happen. She is, yeah, she's, she's much tinier than I am. But she is just like bursting at the seams with sunshine. I do not know how she like maintains to be. She's just so happy all the time. She's so sweet and bubbly. And I feel like too, there's this part of me too that is like a little like over apologetic at times. Like I'll apologize to like an inanimate object for like hitting it or something, you know, like. And it definitely comes from her as well. Like we're both just that, those kinds of people. So I think if there's any dark side to me, it's probably my dad. But my mom is definitely like responsible for that bubbly, upbeat side.

[Ian]

Interesting.

[Kimmy]

And then I guess if there's ever a time when I'm not feeling so bubbly or upbeat, it's like my way to kind of get back into that place. Cause it is like for what we do, it is good to have energy on camera. It's good to kind of, to be entertaining and upbeat. But I will probably just kind of like take a beat and like do the opposite of what I was doing and like meditate and just be like, hey, am I good right now? In what am I experiencing? And if so, if I'm experiencing something, can it just maybe hold off for a little bit longer so I can just be in the comfort of my own home chilling and processing and then I'll do that. I'll try and just kind of put it away for a little bit and. But always handle it later and that's kind of. Yeah, I don't know.

[Ian]

That's very healthy.

[Kimmy]

I try.

[Ian]

When did you.

[Kimmy]

Not all the time, but you know.

[Ian]

When did you see you meditate? Sometimes when you're feeling like stressed out about things or angry about things.

[Kimmy]

I meditate to the best extent of like someone that has anxiety can meditate. So I'm just kind of like looking at like there's this like therapy term of just like looking at each of your thoughts and like analyzing like what's behind them. Like if that's just like an intrusive thought or if that's something that you're actually concerned with right now. So it's kind of just like analyzing what the heck's going on in your noggin. Have you experimented with meditating at all?

[Ian]

I haven't.

[Kimmy]

It's hard. I like, I don't think I can legitimately do the actual meditation thing. That's just my form of meditating.

[Ian]

Okay, got it.

[Kimmy]

But yeah, I don't know. The calming music and the like having to sit in one place for so long is my nightmare like all at once.

[Ian]

Cuz you're, you're, you're more of like a, like a high strung type person.

[Kimmy]

Like oh, for sure.

[Ian]

Easily distracted. Definitely too much energy.

[Kimmy]

I definitely was the ADD kid that like was always constantly moving and couldn't sit still. And to this day too, I feel like I can't just sit in one place for too long. Like I'm always having to move around. I don't know, I don't know what it is. I'm like a shark. I need to keep moving to survive. Have you heard of that? They're like, don't they have to keep swimming to survive? I'm bullshitting. I didn't take Marine Biolog.

[Ian]

I think that's right. All right, I'll look it up.

[Kimmy]

No, you don't have to. I just, like, think I either said the entirely right thing or the entirely wrong thing. I'm not sure which one it is, but I feel like they do have to keep moving. But yeah, I do need. I do move a lot, and I am constantly distracted by things. It's a very entertaining existence.

[Ian]

Really quick.

[C]

The answer to your question, Kimmy, is that that is a myth. That is not true.

[Kimmy]

That's good to know. I learned something today. Thank you, Kevin.

[C]

Some of them might have to, but most of them are totally fine without doing that.

[Ian]

Do they sleep? Do sharks sleep? I think they've got to sleep.

[Kimmy]

Do they sleep while they're swimming?

[Ian]

They never sleep when they're tracking you in the water. Always.

[C]

Some sharks don't sleep like people, but they do have active and restful periods. So they don't sleep sleep like we do.

[Kimmy]

But they.

[Ian]

They just meditate.

[Kimmy]

They just meditate.

[Ian]

Sharks meditate.

[Kimmy]

You heard it here. Fact. Kevin just said it. Sharks meditate.

[Ian]

I did not say that.

[Kimmy]

Kevin confirms this message. He approves.

[Ian]

Oh, that's wild. Sharks.

[Kimmy]

If that's wrong, go, Go talk to ke.

[Ian]

Sharks are so peaceful, bro.

[Kimmy]

They're so peaceful.

[C]

So Kimmy is like a shark.

[Kimmy]

I'm a shark.

[Ian]

You're like a shark?

[Kimmy]

I guess so. Never made that comparison of myself because I feel like sharks are scary.

[Ian]

But I can't say I've ever been scared of you. I'm sorry.

[Kimmy]

Really?

[Ian]

Yeah. No.

[Kimmy]

Darn. I just have to try harder.

[Ian]

But hearing. But hearing about your mom being, like, very, super, ultra positive does. Does explain. Does explain you a little bit when. When you first. When you first came on. So you. You auditioned and, you know, a lot of people put on this, like, audition Persona, and I feel like what we got was Kimmy, but it seemed like an audition Persona that just. That just never went away.

[Kimmy]

They're just like this girl, and I'm.

[Ian]

Just like, is this girl for real? Like, I. I couldn't. I'll be completely honest. I didn't know. And I don't know if anyone knew. They're just like, she's just very positive. Like, there's nothing negative we can say about her. She's just very positive, and it's weird.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my God.

[Ian]

I wouldn't say it's weird. Like, I'm not saying that your behavior is weird. I mean, it's okay. It's a little weird.

[Kimmy]

I understand. No, I completely. I've gotten that comment before. I for sure have. And there are definitely. I think. I think I also. I Have this need to not be a burden to anyone too. Where that transcends to all aspects of my life. So if there are times when I'm feeling really tired and down on set and I may be going through something, I really try hard to keep it to myself if I can. It's a weird thing where I'm scared to. And mind you, this is just a personal fear. But I'm scared to ask people to help me to move or do things. The reason my back is kind of hurting is legit. Cause I tried to. I tried to move like really, really heavy furniture on my own without talking to anybody else. Cause I didn't want to bother anybody. I just like. I don't know what it is.

[Ian]

You can't do everything on your own, Kimmy. It's okay to ask for help now.

[Kimmy]

I got smush back. No, it is okay to ask for help. And I'm slowly learning to be better with that. But it's a work in process. I think a lot of just my experience growing up was like, there's something going on. I deal with if there's, you know, like, if I'm in a group of people, I want to make everyone feel good and happy and like, not be the burden, not be the person that has to get some help and assistance. It's a lot.

[Ian]

Cause you were the big sister, right?

[Kimmy]

I'm the big sister. Yeah.

[Ian]

So maybe that's what it is.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. Yeah, it might be. Yeah. Like even just like when I was a kid and some of the topics we'll get into, I can expand upon more. But it is, it is just something where, like, I learn to kind of do things alone and not like, I have the best parents. They're so supportive and helpful. But like, so many things that I went through as a kid, I'm like, oh, that would have been so much easier if I just talked to somebody about it instead of like trying to do it all myself and like stressing to the max.

[Ian]

Yeah. I never. I never wanted to bother my parents with anything either.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. What? What you. Because you have siblings, right?

[Ian]

Yeah, I have an older sister.

[Kimmy]

You have an older sister. So you're the younger? Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

Okay. How far apart in age are you?

[Ian]

Two, like two and a half years. Okay.

[Kimmy]

So pretty close.

[Ian]

Yeah. It's sort of similar to you, right? You just have one sister?

[Kimmy]

Just have one sister. She's four years younger than me.

[Ian]

Okay. Yeah. I never wanted to like, bother my parents with anything.

[Kimmy]

No, it's true.

[Ian]

I just, I didn't really Want them to know what I was doing, not that I was doing anything illegal. Yeah, I was like, making, like, little. Little cartoons.

[Kimmy]

Oh, yeah.

[Ian]

And writing. Writing Halo fanfiction.

[Kimmy]

Oh, cute.

[Ian]

Which is incredibly embarrassing. Little baby Ian. I love that. But they never knew. As far as I knew, they never knew. But I just never wanted them to know what I was doing with my time on the computer.

[Kimmy]

Like, that's my private time. That's me just doing things for myself kind of thing. Yeah.

[Ian]

I just didn't want them to ask questions. And I don't know if it was a thing. I was afraid of being judged. I mean, that's probably what it was. I was a teenager.

[Kimmy]

It's so funny that that was your past. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt that. Like, you were scared of your parents kind of seeing what you were doing on the computer. It was your space. And now look at you. Mystery Smash.

[Ian]

And my whole life is out.

[Kimmy]

He's out.

[Ian]

Bare to everybody. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. I don't know what it. I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was similar for you where you didn't want to ask for help because you just didn't want to involve people in your business.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was very similar to that. And I think it was also. I don't know. I think I almost, as an adult now have overcorrected where I am too much of a communicator at times. I will dive so deep into something. But back in the day, when I was a kid, I think I just. By not talking to people about things, I would just read and fill in the blanks in my own head. And that would just be not asking for help. Be like, this is something that every human does, so I have to do this. Or this is what's normal. And I didn't know what normal was. I just was making up what I thought that was. Yeah, but. Yeah. Lost my train of thought there. But, like, essentially, yeah, like, it was just. I just kept. I was an extrovert, but I would for sure keep a lot of stuff to myself.

[Ian]

Interesting.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

What do you mean. What do you mean by. You communicate too much now? Like, what is. What does that.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, I feel like that is just at times, like, I don't know if it's just like, having too much therapy at times, but, like, I feel like I'll need. I'll, like, think, like, see something that is, I think, to be an issue either, like, in a relationship of mine, like, with like family or friends. Friends or whatever. And I will, like, pick apart at this, like, tiny little minor thing that, like, ends up being a non issue in the end, but I'll drive myself crazy about it. And I'm like, this was what. That wasn't a problem. Like, that was fine. Like, everything is okay. Or that was something I could deal with on my own. Like, that is actually something that I could, like, kind of internalize and be like, okay, we cool?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

How we doing, Kimmy? We good? We good? All right, let's move on. But, yeah, I don't know. How do you feel you are as a communicator?

[Ian]

I think I'm in a similar position as you. And I think this also just goes back to, I think, to a certain degree, deconstructing the sort of toxic masculinity that I probably had in me. I wouldn't talk about my feelings. I wouldn't communicate very much about what I was going through or what. What I was feeling. And then. So then I kind of then did a flip where I was like, no, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna. I'm gonna, like, try to communicate as much as possible.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

What's going on in my head right now and then find that, you know, the flip side isn't always the answer either. Like, you do kind of have to, like. And this. And now I'm kind of in this phase where it's like, no, okay. So, like, I need to. I need to, like, think about, you know, what I'm going through and, like, acknowledge, like, what's. What's going on in my head and. And then say it to somebody. Because a lot of times, like, I'm just. It was just like stream of consciousness saying something. And then that person ends up getting hurt because of something that I was thinking that wasn't, like, quite processed. And I'm like, hey, I'm just being honest. And it's like, well, that. That doesn't always. You know, saying everything you're thinking isn't always the best because it's like, not everything's being, like, evaluated exactly.

[Kimmy]

It hasn't gone through, like, a filter or, like, any like, some sort of just checking checks and balance of, like, wait, is this something that this other. I'm saying for the benefit of them, or I'm just literally thought something and I like. I'm like, you know, just spraying it out. Like, what. Where is the motivation behind it? That's definitely. I can totally relate to that. Like, in past relationships, I for sure am just like, this is being close to someone. It's just like having no freaking filter and I'm just gonna say whatever it is in my head and that's not always good.

[Ian]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, an ex called me an accidental asshole because I would, because I would say things not with the intention to hurt them, but I would say things because they were going on. And I look at everything in like a rational way and not in an emotional way.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And. And then would end up saying something that just came off as like blunt.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, I gotcha.

[Ian]

And. And so I, I got that, I got that term. So it's like I'm not trying, I'm was never trying to be an asshole, but sometimes the things that I said came out that way.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, I totally understand. Half of my family, like my mom's half is. They're all very sweet and outgoing. Very much so. My mom and I, I really had to get used to the other half of my family that I actually spend more time with these days, which is like the Russian Jewish half on my dad's side. Because they are, they're so loving and they're so sweet and considerate and supportive. But they can be very like self proclaimed blunt people. Like, they tell it how it is. Sometimes there's not as much like emotion on the back end. Like they say something without thinking about how it kind of hurts, might hurt your feelings or might be a little bit like jarring to another person, which is great. Like, they're so smart and they tell it like it is. They just sometimes like will nod to the filter and tell you something that you're like, ow.

[Ian]

I think, I think like, yeah. And I've heard like bluntness being used to describe a lot of different cultures. And I think a lot of like American culture is like very passive aggressive. Like, we don't like, we're gonna tiptoe around the issue because we don't want to hurt feelings.

[Kimmy]

Absolutely. Or.

[Ian]

Or we're gonna kind of like we're gonna, you know, not completely tell the truth because. Because that could end up making a friendship harder or whatever.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And I think that's a, I think that's a very. I mean, I'm sure there's other cultures that do it too, but I think that's a very American thing.

[Kimmy]

I agree.

[Ian]

Of like not wanting to confront the issue because confrontation equals bad.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. No, it's true. It's like the little white lie concept of like these things that aren't necessarily true to kind of like protect someone's feelings. And like, minimize what they consider to be the damage of like sharing with them the actual truth. And it. Yeah, it is not something I enjoy. I don't like passive aggressive behavior. Just pass passivity in general. Like, communication is rough.

[Ian]

Yeah, it sucks. I mean, like, I. Yeah, I've been in. I've been in plenty of situations where. Where both myself and the other person were extremely passive aggressive and nothing ever got done. No, nothing ever got sorted out because we were all just being too polite to each other. We never confronted the issues.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Because we were tiptoeing around it.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

So it was like, I think there's a. I think there's a superpower to being blunt. You just have to. You just have to read the room, I think, and know, like, who you can be blunt to and how blunt you can be to them.

[Kimmy]

I also, like, I do believe in the fact that like, with being blunt, there's a way to deliver the truth that isn't like insulting. Like, you know, like, that there's a way to kind of say like, I noticed this and not like, you're such an asshole because you do this. Like, you know, like, not deliver your own, like, opinion on that person. Just like kind of like stating what the fact is and like. And that's it. Like, I feel like there is a level to being truthful, but also. Yeah, like, being able to not go beyond what you need to, like, you can have the truth. You don't have to necessarily, like, insult the person while you're doing it. Because I've definitely, like, had some relationships where people are just like, they like, in the name of being blunt, they'll like, say something super insulting. And I'm like, that's what.

[Ian]

Yeah, mean. Like that goes beyond that might go beyond blunt. Just being mean.

[Kimmy]

It's just being mean. Yeah, like, it's. There's definitely a divide there. But I completely agree. I think being blunt is a superpower and it's something that I for sure had to like, get used to. Cause I'm like, that is. That is healthier. That's healthier to like, be able to tell the truth and not to have to like, lie to someone about it because there's. It always just ends up snowballing in some way, shape or form later on.

[Ian]

Do you feel like people ever take advantage of your kindness?

[Kimmy]

I would say so.

[Ian]

In that, in that situation where you're saying, like, this person is being like very blunt in this relationship and, and you know, I can't imagine, I can't imagine you in an argument.

[Kimmy]

Oh, really?

[Ian]

You just be like, yeah, you're totally right. You're totally right. I'm sorry. You know, it is my fault. Yes, it is.

[Kimmy]

It's my.

[Ian]

It's totally my fault.

[Kimmy]

It's so funny. Well, like, what's funny is, like, people like that, it's shitty. And I think I had to go through some of this before. Like, the people that take advantage of me and my kindness are the ones that are, like, the closest to me. Like, that obviously aren't anymore. Like, once I recognize that happening, they're out of my life. But, like, in terms of arguments and whatnot, I think a lot of people do try to step to me in that way. They're like, oh, I can just, like, fucking steamroll this girl. Like, she'll do whatever I ask. Like, she's just gonna be super compliant with anything I do. And, like, that's dope. And I am like, I will snap.

[Ian]

So that's when you pull out your dad's side.

[Kimmy]

Oh, yeah. Like, I pull out my dad's side. I'm like, it's to. If it deals with me, if it's someone that's trying to take advantage of me. And I like. And granted, like, I will admit that when someone is closer to me sometimes I don't always wr that right away. I just think that that's part of being in a relationship. It's so weird. But with people that I'm not close with, I'm like, oh, excuse me. No, no, no, no. And then I, like, will tell them how it is. I feel like I've had so many conversations with people about my apartment and stuff like this, where I'm like, oh, you think that you're gonna do that? No. Legally, no.

[Ian]

What do you mean with your apartment?

[Kimmy]

I don't know. Just people trying things with. I don't think my landlord's ever gonna watch this. I just, like, I like my apartment. I don't want to be kicked out anytime soon. But no, just, like, things like them trying to get away with doing too much and not, like, prorating the rent. Like, kicking us out of our apartment and things taking too long. That's the most recent way I can think of where I've been.

[Ian]

Like, typical scummy landlord stuff.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, scummy landlord stuff. And then once I. And also, I will say that extends to, like, if someone. One of someone is trying to insult or step to one of my close friends, too. I hit a protective mom mode in snap. But, yeah, that's always a comment from my close friends are like, yeah, people think that they can kind of get away with certain stuff with Kimmy, but no, if they actually try something with her, she'll snap. But I do try to maintain civility to a certain extent where I'm like, okay, can we just de. Escalate the situation nicely? No, no. Okay.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

I don't know. It's like, confrontation, especially for someone that doesn't do very often, can be kind of fun sometimes.

[Ian]

I'm so bad at it.

[Kimmy]

Me too. I just.

[Ian]

I don't even want to, like, I can't. I can't get in a shouting argument with somebody. I think I've shouted at one person. One.

[Kimmy]

Really?

[Ian]

It's not. It's not for me. I don't like arguing.

[Kimmy]

I think shouting is the wrong way to argue anyways, so that's probably a good thing. Yeah. If you're just yelling at somebody, like, what actual communication is occurring during that? Like, not much.

[Ian]

No.

[Kimmy]

That's good.

[Ian]

I feel like I've yelled also in certain situations. That could be considered assault.

[Kimmy]

That could be. Yeah, don't. Don't do that.

[Ian]

Just for those out there that maybe get shouted at a lot. You could be an abusive relationship. All right, let's move on to this next question.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

This one comes from McIntomous 57. They ask, is comedy something you wanted to do when you were growing up or is it something you kind of fell into to. And then they put in parentheses. Does that make sense? Lmao.

[Kimmy]

They just have, like a self crisis at some point. Like, we would.

[Ian]

I don't know if that question makes sense. It makes a lot. It makes sense to me.

[Kimmy]

It makes a lot of sense. No, you had no reason to doubt yourself there. That told. That question was totally, totally sensical. Yeah. No comedy. I. I've always been a big fan of comedy. I grew up watching a lot of, like, Monty Python with my parents. Like, they introduced me to that at a young age, which I was so thankful for. And my mom, like, which, Which.

[Ian]

Which ones were, I think the Holy Grail.

[Kimmy]

There's just such a soft spot in my heart for it. Just the fucking rabbit coming out the guy. I just can't. That image will forever be seared into my brain.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah, it's incredible.

[Kimmy]

It's so incredible. And the coconuts. Oh, God, I could just keep going. But yeah, the Monty Python was so good. My mom's favorite movie, at least at the time, I'm not sure if it still is, was the Princess Bride, which I Also just adored. And on top of that, with television, we watched a good amount of SNL growing up too. We would try and stay, like, actually, like, on that night and see it.

[Ian]

You got to stay up like, every.

[Kimmy]

Once in a while. And it was definitely when I was older. Cause, like, my bedtime was obnoxious. When I was younger, I was for sure one of the 8:30 kids that would go to bed normally, but, like, on the weekends there was some flexibility sometimes and we would try and stay up and watch things when I got a little older. But yeah, I was always such a big fan and it was something that was always fun for me. I don't know if I ever considered myself in my friend groups to be the funny one per se, but I think other people probably would have said that. But it just didn't seem like I was always such a musical theater kid. I did acting when I was younger. I just thought that was just being outgoing and I was just obnoxious, but fine with it. Down with my obnoxiousness. And I think it was honestly not till much later. So comedy specifically, I don't. It was like, probably once I did even my Smosh audition, and I was just. Before then, it just kind of worked out perfectly where I was starting to dive into sketch comedy with a friend of mine. I'm like, this is really fun to and be a part of, and characters are so interesting. And then I had my Smosh audition. I was like, oh, this is actually something that I think I can do. And then I started taking, like, Groundlings classes and like, just in general, like, studying more comedy and like, watching more standup and like, just trying to kind of educate myself about it.

[Ian]

So you were. You started taking Groundlings, which is like an improv group. You started doing that after the Smosh audition?

[Kimmy]

Yeah, after Smosh. Like, I had taken, like, improv classes before, just like, from like, random acting studios and things and in school and stuff. But I. Yeah, I hadn't like, really started getting down to, like, the nitty gritty until after I started with Smosh. So I was like, this is really fun. And like, I've already just kind of naturally gravitated towards it, like, with my friend. Like, we were doing a bunch of, like, insta videos together, just with our downtime from auditions. Like, we wanted to try and kind of stay creatively active. And we both liked writing sketches, so we're, like, cool. Like, I don't even think we quite understood the concept of the sketch at the time. We just were kind of like, these are short and these are fun. And here are two characters, like, cool. So I always. I always loved comedy. I just didn't know that it was something I had such a passion for pursuing until, like, much later in life. And I'm so thankful for it. It's so much fun. Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah. I mean, I'd have to say it's, like, the same for me.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Like, I had. I had no idea that this is what I would do. I would do comedy or be an actor, even.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, it kind of sneaks up.

[Ian]

I mean, I was. I was even. I was even further away from it than. Than you were. Like, I wasn't even in theater.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Like, I wasn't. I wasn't a theater kid. I was a cool jock. All right.

[Kimmy]

Cool, Jack.

[Ian]

I did cross country, which is the. Everyone knows is the coolest sport, objectively.

[Kimmy]

The coolest jocks. Cross country jocks. Check me out.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah. Totally the coolest. Totally the coolest.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. Every high school movie trope.

[Ian]

But we. We all had some good legs, though.

[Kimmy]

You guys have. I bet you have some great legs.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah.

[Kimmy]

Y'all probably had some nice butts, too. Just like, the full downwards package, actually.

[Ian]

Well, there was one guy that would always moon us, but it was so covered in hair that I couldn't. I can't really evaluate his butt.

[Kimmy]

He wasn't ever really naked then if he had hair covering.

[Ian]

Yeah, we called him the vortex because his ass hair swirled in the direction of where I assume his. Oh, my God, his butthole was.

[Kimmy]

Just the fact that you guys got a good enough look at his ass hair to determine that it was a vortex sign.

[Ian]

He liked to moon us on runs. Like, he would run. He would, like, sprint ahead of us and then moon us or moon us other people. Now I think about it, it's like, oh, that probably wouldn't really fly anymore because people would probably say it was sexual harassment.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, but it was.

[Ian]

It was always, like. It was always around the boys, you know? It wasn't. It wasn't, like, the way to, like, sexually harass anyone. It was just, you know, being silly. Boys, don't go out there and show your. Show your parts to people. Not unless they specifically asked for it. And then you're both consenting adults.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. If there's consent involved. Can you imagine, like, that set scene replaying of him, like, trying to run in front of all you guys, being like, hey, bro, you consent, you consent?

[Ian]

Yeah. Do you guys all consent? We consent, I think. I mean, nobody ever. Nobody ever told him like, hey, please don't ever do that again. I'm really offended by that. So I guess that. Well, no, that's not. No, I can't say that was a. No. I'm just saying I can't say that that was a. That was a form of consent by not saying anything.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, right.

[Ian]

I think we all had a good laugh. We always had a good laugh at his good times. At his just insanely hairy butt. So much hair. I don't. I don't understand.

[C]

How did we get to this part of the conversation?

[Kimmy]

Harry Butts.

[Ian]

Harry Butts. Yeah.

[Kimmy]

How is that not always our conversation?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

This entire podcast is brought to you by Harry Butts. Yeah. How did we get there?

[Ian]

I don't know. I don't know. So.

[Kimmy]

Oh, we were talking about, like, our younger selves. And you were. I was a theater kid. But you were cool. Jock bad.

[Ian]

Is it true that all the theater kids make out?

[Kimmy]

If they did, that would make me really sad. Cause I just always wanted to be made out with. No one would make out with.

[Ian]

No one made out with you.

[Kimmy]

I would add. I had my first kiss when I was, I think, like, 16. So I had a few years there of, like, just longing for boy attention, and I never got it. There was quite a bit of, like, incestual couples within the theater community that would occur, and then they would make out with each other. I never experienced, like, I never really got invited to, like, a cool kid party until probably college. Like, I never got, like, no one drank at the parties I went to. There was always someone's mom in the corner, like, doing really loud karaoke. Like, that was what they were. Fun karaoke. I don't know. I just like. Like, sometimes moms feel like they had to get the parties going. Especially at Irvine. Cause they were just like, super involved in, like, hover parents, for sure. So they're just like, yeah, look at us having fun. I'm sure my mom probably did that at one of my parties too. Which would have made me so happy because my mom and I are just, like, so down with each other. Like, we're so close. But, yeah, I don't know. Bless their little souls. They're just trying to get their kids to have a good time. Cuties.

[Ian]

I remember because your mom is Filipino, right? I remember watching, like, an Anthony Bourdain episode and he went to the Philippines and, like, there was, like, this whole thing about how, like, in the Philippines, they take karaoke so seriously.

[Kimmy]

Oh, so seriously. Yes.

[Ian]

Is your mom serious about karaoke? That she just, like, crazy into it.

[Kimmy]

It's. She. She was. When we were younger, like, we had so many different karaoke machines. Like, we had the big fat boy.

[Ian]

Really?

[Kimmy]

We had the big fat boy, and then we had, like, a smaller boy. And then we had. I'm sorry, I'm getting far away. We made a smaller boy, and then we, like, later on, started to transform into the sing star family. And we did that quite a bit. We didn't spend as much time with my mom's side of the family growing up, but when we did that was like, our entire party was just like singing Karma, Karma karma chameleon and, I don't know, probably some Celine Dion song. My grandma is a big Celine Dion fan. That would be so much of the party. My mom missed it a lot and would try incorporate it into my friend group, and we'd be hanging out, or if we had a party at our house or something, there'd be karaoke involved. But, yeah, I feel like Filipinos do take it very seriously. Because also so many Filipinos are so just naturally talented singers and or dancers. And it makes no sense. There needs to be way more talent scouting competitions in the Philippines. Cause I see videos all the time that have gone viral of this kid in a poorer section of some island that is just busting a move and is so good. Or an amazing singer hitting these riffs and notes that. Who else can achieve? I don't know, freaking whistle tones and stuff. But yeah, it is. It's somehow a part of our culture. And I don't know how. I'm very curious about the origins of it all, but we are so on board.

[C]

So, Ian tsa, I don't know if you were gonna get to this, but were you referencing the social phenomenon that happened in the Philippines? The My Way murder. Murders. Have you heard about that?

[Ian]

No.

[C]

So there's a whole thing that happened in the Philippines. The song My Way by Frank Sinatra is really big in the Philippines in karaoke. And there was a rash. In, like, the early 2000s, there was a rash of murders.

[Ian]

Somebody got murdered every time they played it on the radio.

[C]

Well, during karaoke, at karaoke bars, when they would sing that, because apparently people. It was such a powerful song, too, that if people would sing it badly, they would get booed off stage and fights would break out and people would get murdered over the song.

[Kimmy]

That's insane. Whoa.

[Ian]

It's like a soccer match. Like, when the referees would get murdered.

[Kimmy]

Damn, that's crazy.

[C]

So per the article here in the Philippines, they Take karaoke very seriously. Don't ever sing my way Wrong.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my God. Never. Never. That is insane.

[Ian]

And don't sell drugs in the Philippines either.

[Kimmy]

Don't sell drugs in the Philippines. Just don't do anything weird in the Philippines. Let's just be safe there. It can be a little scary at times.

[Ian]

Be safe in the Philippines. And I mean, obviously we've always had a really big viewership from the Philippines, so. Shout out to my Pinoy boys.

[Kimmy]

For watching. Thank you.

[Ian]

I mean, you probably. You probably dealt with this like, because with Anthony, because he's. He's quarter padilla.

[Kimmy]

That's where it comes from, right? Yeah, yeah, Like Jimenez.

[Ian]

Yeah, exactly. And then, and then the thing that would always happen is like, people would always mistake him for being like, Latinx.

[Kimmy]

Oh, all the time. All the time. Dude, have I told you some of the stories of like, when I first came to LA of like, I don't know if I talked about in the last podcast, so if I did, cut this out. Cause that's probably annoying. So. Because Jimenez is most oftenly known as his Latinx name, there were so many times when I, in auditions, especially when I was starting off, and especially commercially because like, they would just kind of like cattle, like call in so many people for the same audition to read one line. They would all assume that I spoke fluent Spanish.

[Ian]

Oh, great.

[Kimmy]

It was so good. And there was this one amazing audition, like, thank you so much to my agent for getting me this, where she neglected to tell me that it was a fluent Spanish audition, but also that they would be testing me there. So there was a situation where like, I was. I said some lines in Spanish and then they had like a native Spanish speaker behind the camera that was just like, yeah, you know, you don't do that. You didn't see, you didn't speak any of this. You go out, you leave. And they were just like rapid fire speaking Spanish. And me. And I was like, crap, can we like slow it way down? And can you also write it out? Cause I'm way better at reading Spanish than I am at talking. Yeah, I can see that, that confusion happening a bit for Anthony too, because I get the same thing. People don't really, like know what to categorize me as. A lot of times when they see me, they just kind of, I don't know, they see my last name and they just automatically assume that is, that I'm Latinx. And that's, that's my. My ethnic background. But it does bring up an interesting conversation too, though. When people do dive further into it, I'm like, actually, no, like, I'm Filipino. You know, there was a colonization by Spain for a while and there's a lot of Filipinos. Filipinos with Spanish last names. That's. That's a very common occurrence. So that is. That is funny. Would Anthony get that? Quite a bit then even, like, as you guys got bigger in the.

[Ian]

It was always in the comments and we made. And we also, like, it didn't help that we made a video that was like a joke about something it was called and we titled it Anthony is Mexican. So that probably didn't help. Yeah, but yeah, there was always comments being like, like, oh, Anthony. Oh, yeah, he's. He's. He's Mexican. And we'd just be like, I'm sorry.

[Kimmy]

Like, no, no, he's not. He's not.

[Ian]

Not that it really changes anything.

[Kimmy]

It doesn't. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it's not like, I don't care. Someone mistakes me for that. It's just the. In general, when it comes to, like, people meeting someone that they're like, curious about their ethnicity or something. Like, the fricking assumptions of which I'm just like, no, don't just assume anything and then don't do the general questioning of things or like thinly veiled, like, to get to know where you're from. That's just the most annoying thing that you could possibly do to someone that is, that is mixed or color. It's just, it's so weird. I don't know where that came from. Like, why people think it's okay to be like, you're, you're Mexican. Like, you're like, I'm like, don't. No, stop.

[Ian]

Like, how this matters in this situation.

[Kimmy]

Like, why does this matter? Yeah, I think, I think every, every person that's of mixed race kind of deals with at some point. But there is this level of like, especially if there aren't a lot of mixed race kids in your family where you're just kind of like. Like you feel the need to identify more with one side than another. Like, people kind of ask you to, to get into a box of sorts. And they're like, which one do you feel like you're more a part of? Which one do you feel like you're more attached to? And it's. I'm still struggling with. And I don't know what the right answer is to all this of like, if I do identify with one side more than another or if I Am just this, like, anomaly of a person that only someone else of, like, mixed race can kind of identify with in the same way. What was strange, I think especially even with my sister, other members of my family. I am a much taller and oftentimes white passing individual. So I went through a lot of. Not a lot of. But there will definitely be situations where someone will say something to me that they wouldn't have said if they knew I was Filipino or I was Asian. They would say kind of. Yeah. Racist or very troubling things. And so I do have this kind of unique perspective where I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm that person that the fly on the wall. A. In the sense where, like, I can't. I'm the spy in certain ways. Cause, like, yeah, I think they're just like, oh, well, she's, like, way too tall and like. Like, no, like, she does. She just doesn't, like, quite have what I'd imagine to be Asian features. So, like. Yeah, like, I can talk about this stuff. Like, they wouldn't even, like, think about it, like, growing up in Irvine. Irvine has a very large Asian percentage of people as well as a large percentage of, like, white people for some reason still. Even though there were also quite a few.

[Ian]

But is it integrated or is it pretty separated?

[Kimmy]

Well, like, for the most part, it's pretty integrated. Cause there are. I grew up with so many kids that are, like, hapa and biracial and that are mixed. But weirdly, like, I have, like, weird stories from elementary school. Cause kids are just so strange sometimes. Like, we, I guess, had enough of a population of, like, Asian kids and white kids that they so bad. We had, like, a pickup soccer game at recess. So it was like the Asian kids versus the white kids.

[Ian]

Oh.

[Kimmy]

And they were like, Kimmy, like, which.

[Ian]

Said, pick a side. Oh, God. And I was like, come on, Kimmy, pick a side. In the race war, let's look inside.

[Kimmy]

I'm like, what? I don't even know how I ended that whole thing. Like, I don't remember what my decision was. I think I tried to be the ref.

[Ian]

Yeah. I was gonna say you could be the ref.

[Kimmy]

You know, I'm like, oh, the mix kid can be the ref. Like, that's it. She's unbiased. Cause she's not.

[Ian]

Or you could play either side. You just have to play mid.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. Like, you just. Exactly. It was just. It's just kidding. Kids are so strange in that way. But I think, like, to anyone that is maybe going through a bit of a Racial identity crisis or doesn't need. There is no need to feel you have to be assimilating to one side or to feel like you have to identify with just one thing. I'm still figuring it out. And I think everyone. Everyone just kind of figures out their identity more as they grow up in general with this kind of inner, deeper dive into trying to figure out what my identity looks like and who I am as opposed. And the best part of all that has been just kind of learning more about each of, like, each sides of my culture and trying to just kind of educate myself more on, like, the history of things. Like, it's. It's such a fascinating conversation. Like, if you are lucky enough to have any relatives that maybe like, immigrated at some point, like, to kind of hear their story. Like, I've read some amazing letters even on. On my Russian Jewish side from my great, great grandparents, like, as they were immigrating from Russia. And. And it's cool. It's cool. Just in general to learn more about your family and whatever capacity that might be. And it's definitely. The identity crisis is a work in progress. But, yeah, I don't know. I kind of. I think I'm in a very happy place where I'm like, I don't really quite know how I identify, and that's really cool. And even as one of the things I've been getting more into recently is just trying to write more, that's a concept I've been trying to explore. Cause I think a lot of people can relate to that, I guess.

[Ian]

But, yeah, I get that. I was. I was watching this Netflix movie that was based on a book called Indian Horse, and it kind of goes into. It's. It's a fictional story, but based very much on the realities of a lot of the first nations people that lived in Canada. Yeah, the indigenous people in Canada. And a lot of. A lot of, you know, their culture was wiped out intentionally.

[Kimmy]

Wow.

[Ian]

By the. The. By the church and the Canadian government.

[Kimmy]

Yikes.

[Ian]

And it kind of goes into this whole sort of like, thing of like, how do you ha. Like, you know, when you wipe out somebody's past and culture, you have people that don't have an identity.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And like, the whole. The whole big, like, you know, phrase that came out of that movie was like, you don't know where you're going without knowing where you've been.

[Kimmy]

No, it's true. Yeah. Learning. Learning more about your past. And that's so interesting. And that was on Netflix, you said.

[Ian]

I think it's On Netflix.

[Kimmy]

Okay, that's so true. Do you have any idea of your family's kind of history or have you guys always been from Northern California?

[Ian]

Yeah, I mean, it's never really had to be something that I really grappled with. And obviously that's a privilege thing, I think, to be like, yeah, no, I don't know. I'm a straight white male. This place has been kind of built for me, so I guess it's okay, you know, Like, I think I identify more as, like, as a Californian than I do as an American. I get that because it does feel like, I mean, like America is such a. But then I think about it more and I'm like, well, California is massive and there's a lot of like, ideals, ways of living that I don't agree with that other Californians have. So do I even identify as being a Californian? I don't know.

[Kimmy]

Who knows?

[Ian]

What is it I don't like? To me, to me, it's. It's not, it's not something that I, that I trouble myself with very much.

[Kimmy]

I gotcha. But that's so interesting though, because California really does, like, if you go to another part of the country a lot of times, like, especially when I would spend a lot more of my childhood and growing up experience in California, and then I would like, randomly go on trips to places it could. It's unrecognizable at times you're just like, wait, this is still. We're still in the same country. Like, these people are crazy.

[Ian]

I mean, we shouldn't be. No, it's a large landmass.

[Kimmy]

It's a large landmass.

[Ian]

You look at Europe and it's like, you go, you drive for like an hour and you're in a totally different country. You drive. You could drive for 10 hours and still be in California.

[Kimmy]

No, it's. It's true. Even like northern, Northern California versus Southern California, there is such a difference too. And I feel like the way that people kind of like operate and just like hold themselves. My mom was born and raised in LA and like, didn't really know much else other than that. Like, she went to ucla. She spent her life there, essentially. And then my parents were pregnant with me. Weirdly, we were living at the time in Butler, Pennsylvania. And this kind of like really rural part where like, it was a lot of people there just like, had never seen an Asian person before. And my mom was just like, felt so out of place. This like, poor, tiny, super pregnant Asian woman just like walking around Trying to like shovel snow and stuff. Like, oh, gosh, wow, what a superhero. But she was just like. Just felt so weird and so off putting, like to be living there for an extended period of time that she was like, nope, gotta go. Like a year after I was born, like, we moved back into. She's like, this is what I know. And this is like, I just. It felt weird to be considered an other in another place. Like, that's not a fun experience. But yeah, it is crazy how big of like how much landmass there is in the States and how vastly different things can be from like one side of the country to the other.

[Ian]

I think the last thing that I kind of like that we talked about talking about your sort of like struggles with, you know, anxiety or body image issues. Dieting. Diet fats. A lot of us have fallen victim to.

[Kimmy]

Oh, gosh.

[Ian]

Yeah, I guess. I guess it all kind of comes back to anxiety, right?

[Kimmy]

Yeah. I mean, like, even what we were talking about earlier of just like, I didn't ask for help when I like, like I didn't feel comfortable being a burden. I can look back at my childhood now and be like, oh, yeah, that was just a super anxious child. Like, poor baby. My parents, like, they definitely. My family in general is just. They're. We're all so. They're all so smart and so driven and, and successful. Like, have done a lot of amazing things. So there are certain things. Other families, it'd be like, this is a major accomplishment to graduate from college, to get all A's, to do all these things for our family. It's pretty like, if you don't do that, like, what's wrong with you?

[Ian]

Oh, interesting.

[Kimmy]

So I, I don't know what it was. So like growing up, I for sure was just not like, again, like, I can't read her enough. My parents did not put this kind of pressure on me, but I legit would feel so bad and crappy if I like, didn't do the best I did on like I could on a test. Like if I got like a B plus on something.

[Ian]

We were parents, both like pretty, like tough love. Like, like not hard on you, but like very like distressing success.

[Kimmy]

I, you know, like, I think they just genuinely thought that, that all these things, like, I really wanted to do. But like, yeah, we were. I did. I just had way too many activities going on as a kid. Like, I was president of two different clubs. I was in honors and AP classes. I was like an executive on a charity league. I was in varsity soccer and then I did swim for a while. And then I also was doing theater and plays and stuff on the side. And I feel like I'm even missing. Oh, and then club soccer outside of varsity soccer, which actually would take up the most time often. And I just had all these things. Cause it was like, you need to do these things to get to college, which is true. You do need to have all of these. Oh, and student government. So I was for sure that, like, that overachieving kid. But I also felt that that was all necessary. And there were certain times when I was like, if my academics faltered in any way, I would just be so depressed about it and I would be doing so much stuff. But I would also just, like, I would not know that I had the option of, like, stopping one of those things. Like, I didn't have to show up for that. Like, that would have been okay. Like, I. Honestly, there are times when I'm like, I really should have, like, quit soccer at a younger age. Like, I kind of wish I did because it was such a life takeover and it would stress me out so much. And I would never have my weekends free to do whatever I. Like, I would have as an anxious little child, like, if I knew for some reason about soccer, like, the fitness aspect of it would, like, just ruin my day. Like, if I knew I had to run, like, which is why I would never would have been good at cross country or track and field if I knew I had to run and do, like, fitness stuff. At the end of the day, my entire day was crap. I was just thinking about that, like, from, like, start to end. And I would just be hoping I would. Like, it would get rained out, hoping something would happen, that I would fall ill in some way.

[Ian]

Because you were juggling 80 other things.

[Kimmy]

I was juggling so much. And weirdly, like, it was so, so intense. And I was so. I felt like if I didn't do any of those things, like, I'm sure there was some deep part of me that was like, ooh, I wouldn't be as loved by my parents if I didn't do this. Not that they ever expressed any of that, but I did put a lot of pressure on myself as a kid. And looking back, I'm like, oh, that sucks. Cause like, even, like, I got to college, everything was great. And when I got to college, I.

[Ian]

Was gonna say, college must have seemed like a breeze.

[Kimmy]

Literally the easiest thing. If anything, it was. It was harder. Cause I was having more free time than ever. So I'm. I'm So. And, like, even. Even now, I kind of struggle with, like, I, like, needed a very structured lifestyle. I'm like, I need to know that I'm gonna be at this thing from this time to this time, and this thing from this time to this time. Then I have this thing to do when I get home. Like, I needed people to tell me what to do. And so, like, when it came to be just more like, oh, it's your turn to kind of decide what the heck's going on with your day. I was like, what the heck? What do I do? Like, I don't. Somebody tell me, like, I gotta hire a life coach or something.

[Ian]

Like, just hearing this is making me anxious.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, well, that's.

[Ian]

That's too much to put on one person.

[Kimmy]

It was way too much. It was way too much. But the scary thing is. And I'm, like, scared for, like, my kids in the future and just, like, kids now, like, everything is just getting harder and more competitive. And, like, the things that I did are just expected and, like, beyond that, also having just, like, the best grades and the best test scores. Like, there are just more people in the world. And it's like, the colleges that I got into and the ones that I didn't get accepted to, it would have been an entirely different thing if I were doing all the things I did, but I were. Like, my parents age. Like, I didn't get into ucla, and it devastated me because my parents met at ucla, but it was literally, like, no one got into UCLA that year. Like, you had to be. I don't even, like, literally never have gotten, like, a point off of anything in your life. Like, it was just insane.

[Ian]

You still ended up going to uc.

[Kimmy]

I went to a great school, and I'm so thankful. I don't know. I put this scary amount of expectations on myself, and it sucks because it's like, if I'm looking back, I'm like, God, like, I. Everything turns out okay. Like, you don't have to stress like that. There are so many good UCs, but if you legitimately feel like you're University of California. University of California. Yeah. No, it's. And they're great. They're all great schools. And for a California resident, they're a lot. They make a lot more sense financially. They're, like, half the price of a financial institution. But, like, yeah, I just. I put so much pressure on myself for what I'm like, I got a great college education. I didn't go to the place that I thought I was going to go. But yeah, like, when I got to college, like you said, it was a breeze. It was so easy, and I felt like I was doing something wrong. So I'm like, this shouldn't be as simple as it is, but it was just because I had put so much pressure on myself.

[Ian]

But obviously that sort of like, that anxiety and like, striving for perfection manifested itself in other ways other than just like getting. Getting the perfect grades. Right? Like, you had to be perfect at everything.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, Yeah. I just, like, couldn't make a misstep. But I think that, yeah, like, I think that the way that I would start to handle that anxiety and stress too would just be with, like, eating. And it would be like I was pretty regimented as a kid for what I could have. Like, I could only have, like, a certain amount of, like, dessert and like, a certain amount of snacks. I hadn't had a first. My first sip of Coca Cola until I was like, 14 because my parents were scared of caffeine stunting my growth.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Kimmy]

So they're. They're definitely, like, looking back at it now, like, it didn't matter as much when I was younger, like, because kids have such an intense metabolism. And I was also just doing so much soccer, so it was like I could eat a fucking horse and be fine. Like, it wouldn't even show up. I'd lose weight if anything. Like, it was crazy. But then, growing as I got older, I think I started to notice those unhealthy eating habits when I'd be out with my friends and when I had a bit of my own disposable incident. I was like, this is how I'm going to alleviate this stress. This is something I can control and I can eat these things that make me happy, and that's how it's all gonna work. Which isn't a great way to look at food. It's like, definitely an unhealthy relationship with binge eating and like, and just fast food and junk food in general. Like, everything's fine in moderation.

[Ian]

Eating disorders is not a. Is not an uncommon thing.

[Kimmy]

No.

[Ian]

And, like, I kind of just did. I did a very, very, very, very ultra quick Googling. So don't quote me on this, but it was something like 9% of the US population deals with eating disorders of some kind. So it's, it's, you know, it's something that, like, I think almost everyone has some unhealthy relationship with food to a. To a degree.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. No, it's. It's so true. And I think the like the fascinating thing about like with eating disorders and I'm not up to date. It's been a while since I took psychology in school with. I'm not up to date with what the classifications are on dsm. But it's. There is such a huge spectrum of things. Like, I feel like eating disorders can range from even things which is like body dysmorphia that kind of affect how you view food as a result and like just the occasional binge eating and just like an unhealthy relationship with food in general. But I do feel like a lot of us go through that, especially in the States, I think too. I don't know, I feel like just our affinity for binging alcohol food, like our access to very cheap fast food, that's often the cheapest thing and the most accessible to especially someone of a lower income. Like I was when I was a kid. Like, yeah, it's. It really does mess with our heads in a lot of ways.

[Ian]

I mean, there is that. That dumb fuck CEO of Whole Foods that was like, oh, people are just fat because they're stupid and they're. They're making bad nutritional choices because they're stupid.

[Kimmy]

Oh my God.

[Ian]

And it's like, no, no. Fucking idiot.

[Kimmy]

That is the statement, like the purest statement from someone of such privilege. Like, of like literal. Like he has not had to experience any hardships in his life. To have a statement like that, like, that's absolutely insane.

[Ian]

If you have two bucks, you can get a meal at McDonald's.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Or something like that. Like two or three bucks can get you can get you like the dollar menu. That will give you a fill of food.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And it's. And it's. Is it going to be good for you? I mean, it'll get you. It'll get you plenty of calories.

[Kimmy]

It's going to be a lot of calories.

[Ian]

It'll keep you alive for sure.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, but you're. Your fat cholesterol levels like everything like that suffer in the.

[Ian]

In the meantime, your macros are gonna be off, bros. Your macros are gonna be off. Oh, you're gonna. You're definitely not gonna go into ketosis, so.

[Kimmy]

Bro.

[Ian]

But yeah, I mean like the, the whole food. I mean the whole food system in this country and not just this country, but in a lot of places. It's so wacky.

[Kimmy]

It's so massive.

[Ian]

I mean, if. If we had to pay the real prey for me, the dollar menu would not exist. Like, we subsidize a lot of industries heavily.

[Kimmy]

Oh Absolutely. It's crazy. Yeah. Because like, yeah, the prices that we pay for those freaking Happy Meals and stuff, they ain't too happy. Like it's insane, like how little like we, we are actually paying. And then also the quality of the meat and everything that we're eating suffers too. And not to say that I don't like fully smash a Big Mac here and there. Like, I am a big fan.

[Ian]

Oh yeah, you gotta smash those max from time to time.

[Kimmy]

Smash those max every so often. But yeah, yeah, it's, it's just, I'm not saying crazy.

[Ian]

I'm not saying don't eat fast food.

[Kimmy]

No, absolutely not.

[Ian]

And I totally understand. Like, that's, that's what, you know, a lot of people. Yes. They're like, if you really make the effort, like there are healthy options, but it's not. And especially in a lot of low income areas, where some low income areas don't even have a grocery store access.

[Kimmy]

To fresh produce and stuff, you don't.

[Ian]

Have that access at all. It's a, it's a huge problem. So binge eating was kind of something.

[Kimmy]

That, yeah, I would definitely binge eat. I think I just wasn't aware of when I was hungry or not. It was just more like, am I bored? Am I stressed? Am I like whatever? And those are all reasons for me to be eating at the time. But I think it is something, it's like, like you said and for so much of these things growing up, you're just not aware that other people are experiencing the same things. And yeah, everyone kind of goes through something like that, like a binge eating. There were like, I went through so many weird diets, diet fads where I would be trying to live off of like negative calories and like powder food and stuff.

[Ian]

Powder food?

[Kimmy]

Like, like nutrisystem, you know, but like not the good nutrisystem, but like the shitty Nutri. Yeah, like the shakes. The weird. Like they had so many meals that were. You didn't need to refrigerate or freeze. Like, they were just like the weird.

[Ian]

Like almost like MREs.

[Kimmy]

What are those?

[Ian]

Meal ready to eat. They're like what they give people in the military.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, yeah. No, it was, I don't even know. It was so. It was like the way that like a cup of noodle functions, like a dehydrated astronaut food, like, I don't know, dried foods. It was just, it was so weird. But I just felt I just like didn't like myself and my body and I'm like this is how I'm gonna like, you know, get myself to like love me again is to like try and make something happen with my weight. And it's just. It's such a bad way to look at food. But it's also very common.

[Ian]

So what did, what did you do? Like, how did you, like, how. How do you, how do you deal, how did you deal with something like that?

[Kimmy]

Yeah, I mean, well, I think so much of it, it was such a learning curve for me of like going and like from playing a competitive sport, which I'm sure like you experience too, of just like running all the time, of just adjusting your lifestyle to maybe not having that ingrained of a workout in your everyday routine. But so it was like I had to learn to like, just like listen to my body more in the sense of like, am I hungry right now or am I just like stressed or bored or one of these other like outlier factors. It was a lot of that. It was a lot of just like looking inwards and being like, okay, what's going on here? And then two also just like gaining my self worth from something other than my image. Like making sure that I was happy with myself, like in whatever state I looked like or whatever state I was in, like, with if I was at my whatever weight, like, it didn't matter. It was just about like, okay, I need to make sure that I'm making these decisions about like food and about health, like exercise and health and my body based on just wanting to like internally feel good and feel more active and like more energetic and happier. Not just because I'm doing it all for the purpose of trying to like, look a certain way.

[Ian]

How did you get there?

[Kimmy]

It's, I mean, it's a process.

[Ian]

I feel like that's a path that a lot of people are on.

[Kimmy]

Absolutely.

[Ian]

And it's really hard to get to a place like that. So like, I'm sure it was, it was like a few different things or.

[Kimmy]

I had tried so many different diets and fads and things like when I was younger that just were not successful. Like, they're all such like, lose all this weight real quick and then that's it. And then you can't sustain that because your body isn't. Yeah, it's like, it's just a form of like almost like malnutrition. Like you're just like, you're losing weight quickly, but that doesn't mean it's gonna stay off. It's just temporary. It's like water weight. Basically for me, like my Only diet recommendation ever is just like, just listen to your body. Like, if you're hungry, eat something and if you're not hungry, don't.

[Ian]

Yeah, I mean, sometimes. Sometimes even that's hard.

[Kimmy]

No, it really is. It's easier said than done. And it's taken a lot. And then I guess in terms of just like, self love, it's just giving yourself the time to, as cheesy as it is, like, affirm your other good qualities about yourself. Like, what do I like about me? Like, besides just like my appearance? Like, what? Like, I need to gain some sort of like, inner validation from something other than aesthetics. Cause that, that is. That's just such a flimsy thing to base your ent. Self worth on. But it's way easier said than done. Like, I think it's just like waking up in the morning and like, reminding yourself of, like, the things that you like about your life and who you are and like, what you're gonna do with your day that excites you. That's not just taking photos of yourself and like, posting them.

[Ian]

Is that something you do every morning? Like, you.

[Kimmy]

No, I'm like, I'm definitely not this, like, perfect person when it comes to that sort of stuff by any means. It's just something that I like. I previously would consider it to be a very. I'd be like, almost embarrassed to, like, kind of like be like, oh, go me. Like, it's. It would feel a little bit like, self involved, but I'm trying to get better of just like being like, okay. Like, I like these things. Like, hey, I did this really cool thing today that I'm really proud of. Like, fuck. Like, that was an awesome sketch I just shot and I liked how I did that. Or like, wow, I just wrote something that I'm like, this is pretty cool and I'm excited about. Like, it's. It's like noticing the things about yourself that you like and just reaffirming that and just giving yourself the time to like, pat yourself on the back too for those things. Yeah, but, yeah, I don't know. I mean, like, how. How have you felt kind of about that stuff?

[Ian]

Well, before you turn around, I'm sorry, I'm still trying to understand.

[Kimmy]

Don't ask me more.

[Ian]

I'm still trying to understand how you got to that place. How did you, like, did you read some books? Did you just think really hard one day? Like, did you. Did you go to therapy? Like, was it like, what, like, how did you. How did you arrive to this, this solution Because I feel like there's not one. There's not one way to get. To get there. And I feel like everybody. Everyone has their own journey and their own path, and it takes. Sometimes the work is never done. You sort of highlighted these things that you weren't happy with with yourself.

[Kimmy]

Right.

[Ian]

Or you said, like, okay, I'm not looking at this in a healthy way.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And what were the. What were the. What were the sort of steps that you took to get you to where you are today?

[Kimmy]

Yeah, I get you. I think a big part of it was. I think it was like therapy and being more communicative about how I'm feeling. Because there are times, like, when you're just kind of stuck in your own head and you start to get super hard on yourself. Like, there's no one to check that for you if it's just going on internally. And if you're someone with anxiety or even, like, someone with, like, social anxiety who just constantly think that, like, that everyone hates you and, like. And, like, doesn't like you or, like, they're. You kind of go down this rabbit hole. So the biggest part of that, too, was, like, if you're, like, having some of those thoughts, like, maybe just talking to someone about it doesn't need to necessarily be a therapist if you're not ready for that, but like, a family member, someone you're close, someone you trust to be able to just. To kind of be like, hey, I'm thinking this about myself, and that's the person that can be like, oh, hey, yeah, that's not a good thing to think. Like, that's not true. And, like, here's why. And the fact that you're thinking that is just, like. It's like, don't lead yourself down that on your own rabbit hole. So I think becoming more open and communicative has really helped. Like, talking to my friends that are like, Kimmy, whoa. Like, you are so hard on yourself about these things. Like, here are things that I love about you, or here are things that I think are really special about you. And sometimes hearing it from another person weirdly is a good way to start from the people that love you.

[Ian]

Were there any sort of, like, external factors that you had to change? Like, whether it was a bad relationship or a family member, like, that you identified as, like, this person is toxic to my sort of, like, self worth?

[Kimmy]

Definitely. There have definitely been people in the past. Like, I think I'd say when I was younger, it was for sure friend groups of mine. I definitely was never one of those people to have the same friend from when I was like 2 years old to now, like, I always had a pretty. Like a lot of friends come in and out of my life and no one was ever in it for too long. And I used to take that really hard. Like, I would take that as a reflection of who I am and like, oh, I suck. Cause they don't want to hang out with me anymore. And it was. It was just like we never really got to know each other. Like, we were all just kind of friends because it was convenient. And those were people that. Well, they didn't say anything hurtful per se. I don't think I ever felt really validated by my friends or felt supported because they just honestly didn't know who I was and I didn't know who they were, vice versa. So I was really hard on myself back when I would lose those people in my life. And now I'm like, oh, wait, no, you keep the people in your life that validate you and support you and make you feel good. You take the ones out that are trying to cut you down, that are trying to insult you or bring you down to a level. Because oftentimes. And that sucks for those people. They're really insecure and they have a lot of stuff to work on and they're in no place to be in any relationship or friendship. But yeah, definitely more recently, there were people that I had to kind of cut out. And I think even coming out of those relationships, I'm like, oh, wow, I put up with a lot more than I should have. And those mistakes also kind of inform my future decisions and how I. Like, I can recognize faster when someone is being unnecessarily hurtful or they're saying something that isn't kind or they're not supportive. Because I feel like every relationship in your life should serve a purpose in some way. Like, you should be like, that person should make you feel good or support you or be there for you in.

[Ian]

Some way, or be honest with you. Or be honest with you. I think one important thing to mention to the viewers is like, you know, when you say cut out the people that are being hurtful, I think, I think some people, I mean, you have to know that like, every, every friendship isn't always going to be completely positive. But you have to understand that when you're openness with. Between friends and being honest about issues is great. I don't want people listening to misconstrue that with. With, you know, oh, if, if I have, like, A rough time with my friend, that means I should cut him out? No, I think it's definitely the intention. Right. If the intention. Intention is to hurt or if the intention is to.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

Hurt you in some way, then. Then absolutely cut them out.

[Kimmy]

And I think.

[Ian]

And I think that's something that. That you've realized. But, yeah, for me, for me, like, I. I've been working on trying to be more. More open with my friends and just have. Have a deeper connection with.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

People. It is easy to just keep things very much on the surface and be safe.

[Kimmy]

Definitely.

[Ian]

It is that very American thing.

[Kimmy]

No, it's so true. No, I agree. I think for me, like, in my. With the relationships I was referencing were people that were just nothing but hurtful. Like, there was no supportive aspect to that there. I would have conversations with these people and try and be open and honest with them about, like, hey, like, that's, like, not the nicest thing that you said to me. I don't really feel that great when you do it. And they would just be kind of so self absorbed, they wouldn't notice that, but. No, absolutely. I think being open and honest and communicative in any relationship is so healthy. And, like, obviously a lot of relationships go through ups and downs, and if one person makes a mistake, it doesn't mean that they're a bad person or that they're not worthy of a second chance. It's just kind of gauging how you feel and how you felt throughout the whole thing.

[Ian]

And I think that's good that you gave them a chance.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. I'm nothing if not. Yeah. I mean, if anything, I think I'm one to give people too many chances at times. I think I'm in a very, like, in a place in my life right now where I'm like, oh, yeah, like, that was bad. Bye. And like, just like, feeling self empowered in that sense, because I've never been like that in the past. Really.

[Ian]

It's a superpower, man. Cutting out. Cutting out friends that are not beneficial to your life is. Is a superpower.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And I. And I.

[Kimmy]

It's hard.

[Ian]

Couldn't recommend it more.

[Kimmy]

It's.

[Ian]

It's wonderful. Cut them out. You don't need them. All right, we're gonna. We're gonna move on.

[Kimmy]

Cool.

[Ian]

To the. Shoot, dude, shoot, dude, shoot, dude shoot.

[Kimmy]

Dude, shoot, dude, shoot, dude. So shoot, dude, shoot, dude, shoot, shoot, dude, shoot, dude, shoot, shoot, dude, shoot, dude. Now give me. It's been a minute since I've been on the podcast again. Give me A little rundown of what the shoot dude is.

[Ian]

Right? So the shoot dude. We have petitioned our lovely listeners and viewers for stories that make us go shoot dude.

[Kimmy]

That's right.

[Ian]

And they have submitted. They have submitted to shootdudemosh.com that's s h o o t d o o [e-mail] and every episode, we read one out. So this one's from Chris, and Kevin's told me that this is a very long story that he has truncated. So, Chris, please don't be mad. We just made your story a little more succinct. Let me use my SAT words.

[Kimmy]

Oh, look at you.

[Ian]

Truncated.

[Kimmy]

Truncated. I know.

[Ian]

Chris said, besides being a teacher, I'm a professional violinist.

[Kimmy]

Nice.

[Ian]

I was hired to perform for a newlywed's first dance at their reception. They requested Ed Sheeran and Beyonce's Perfect. The wedding planner asked me to stand, slash perform right next to the cake table that was situated next to the dance floor. They had activated a fog machine, which created a very elegant yet mystifying first dance dance by the wedding couple, complimented by my violining. Is that a word?

[Kimmy]

My violin? Yeah. I don't know. He's a violinist. I feel like he's.

[Ian]

He should know.

[Kimmy]

He should know.

[Ian]

He should know. Little did I know, though, that the fog machine had created a large puddle of melted dry ice right next to me, but was still covered by the remaining fog on the dance floor that I stood next to. I proceeded to walk off the floor and stepped right into the puddle, lost my balance, and did a funny dance. I fell on the floor in front of the large crowd of guests with my entire right side soaked in melted dry ice. Even worse, as I fell, my foot grazed the cake table and kicked it.

[Kimmy]

No.

[Ian]

Causing the three tiered cake to wobble. See, this is what I was worried about.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my God. I know. I'm like, this story is, like, taking turns that I didn't expect. Okay. The cake table's wobbling.

[Ian]

Wobbling. The cake's wobbling.

[Kimmy]

Oh, no.

[Ian]

I saw my life flash through my eyes that very moment. But thank goodness the cake didn't collapse. But you could definitely hear a sudden gasp in the crowd as I got up, I could tell my face was beet red. And I quickly and professionally got up and exclaimed, as long as the cake is okay. I quickly packed up my violin and just wanted to bolt out of the reception hall, head home, and crawl in bed. I remember the wedding couple consoling me afterwards and telling me, hey, we got an open bar. Go help Yourself to some shots. You deserve it after that incident.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my God.

[Ian]

Oh, there's a video.

[C]

Yep. So I. If you guys want to take a moment to watch it, it's not. It's basically.

[Ian]

Oh, but there's no fall.

[C]

Yes, but it proves. It proves that this action. You see the whole setup, you can imagine it about to happen, that you just didn't catch it on the video.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my God.

[Ian]

I mean, that story is for sure a shoot, dude. I. I mean, it would have been a bigger shoot dude if he. If he knocked the cake over. But then. But then this is a definite. This definitely seems like a real believable shoot, dude.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And it's still embarrassing as all hell. Like, they just had this beautiful moment, and then his ass just, like, slips and falls. Right there.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, right there. And then he. Yeah, it's. It definitely seems like a shoot. I'm like. I'm so. I'm just, like, so relieved that that cake didn't fall. It's. It's really that, like, my heart was about to drop so low.

[Ian]

He was not gonna get a tip that night.

[Kimmy]

No. My gosh. But, yeah.

[Ian]

The tip of a knife.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. Murdered over cake.

[Ian]

People have been murdered over less.

[Kimmy]

That's true. What did we learn today? They've been murdered over Frank Sinatra's My Way.

[Ian]

Yeah. Frank Sinatra's My Way.

[Kimmy]

You could be murdered over anything. That's the fun part of this society that we live.

[Ian]

Well, now I know not to do Frank Sinatra's My Way in the Philippines. I'm gonna skip that song.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my God. It's like Macbeth in a theater. It's like the thing that you don't do.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah.

[Kimmy]

Or else it's cursed bad luck. Yeah. Never say it, apparently. I didn't know. I'm learning things today. I love that. I also learned that sharks. Everything I know about sharks is wrong. And that's okay.

[Ian]

Yeah. Sharks are pretty chill.

[Kimmy]

Sharks are. Yeah.

[Ian]

They're not that much of a threat.

[Kimmy]

I like sharks.

[Ian]

Well, Kimmy, this is. This has been an adventure. Thank you for sharing things. I feel like we cracked that nut a little bit.

[Kimmy]

Do you feel like you got to know me?

[Ian]

I feel like. I feel like we cracked the nut. The cracks have begun. They've begun getting into that meaty, nutty center.

[Kimmy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian]

That's not too creepy sounding.

[Kimmy]

Nah, I liked it, but I like nuts.

[Ian]

But thank you so much, Kimmy, for coming on.

[Kimmy]

Oh, my pleasure. Anytime.

[Ian]

We're going to jump onto a stream right now.

[Kimmy]

Yep.

[Ian]

On Twitch tv. Smosh games. So be watch that. We're gonna, we're gonna go do that. And thank you guys for listening, watching the Smosh cast, as always. If you have not rated it five stars on the, the podcast.

[Kimmy]

Don't do that.

[Ian]

Do it.

[Kimmy]

What's wrong with you?

[Ian]

Give us a review. Say, do it. Say, haha. I like Kimmy.

[Kimmy]

Thank. Yeah, that'd be, that'd be nice.

[Ian]

And go subscribe. Go subscribe to our YouTube.

[Kimmy]

Yeah, subscribe to that. And thank you so much for all the questions today. Those were some fun ones to answer. Thank you for the shoot, dude. Yeah, you know, I feel a little therapized, but this all, this is all good stuff. This is great. It's a good way.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kimmy]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And see you later.

[Kimmy]

I'll see you later.