School Is In Session | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories: "School Is In Session | Reading Reddit Stories"

Episode Overview

In the August 9, 2025 episode of Smosh Reads Reddit Stories, hosts Shayne Topp, Damian and Angela delve into a collection of back-to-school themed tales sourced from Reddit. The episode intertwines humorous commentary with relatable anecdotes, exploring themes of friendship, revenge, self-perception, and parental guidance. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions from the hour-long episode.

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1. Introduction and Set-Up

Timestamp: [00:30] – [03:16]

Shayne welcomes listeners to the episode, noting a slight change in the set due to the ongoing "Summer Games" week. He introduces Damian and Angela, playfully addressing Damian’s role as the “superintendent” of the games. The trio briefly reminisces about past Smosh clips, including Shane’s infamous French horn moment ([02:02]).

Notable Quote:

• Angela: “[...] We're winning, by the way.” ([01:17])

This segment sets a light-hearted tone, emphasizing camaraderie and anticipation for the upcoming stories.

---

2. Back to School Confessions

Timestamp: [03:16] – [06:07]

The first Reddit story revolves around Shane’s confession of faking his participation in the middle school band. Compelled by his mother despite having no prior experience, Shane played the French horn by simply pressing buttons to mimic the sounds. His deception was so convincing that judges at a state competition praised his performance.

Key Points:

• Shayne’s Strategy: Pretended to play the French horn without actual musical skill ([03:24]).
• Outcome: Received positive feedback, avoiding solos ([04:25]).
• Discussion: The group humorously debates the authenticity and consequences of Shane’s actions, with Damian noting, "It's very funny."

Notable Quotes:

• Shayne: “I faked playing my instrument in the school band all throughout middle school.” ([03:24])
• Damian: “It's very funny.” ([06:07])

The hosts highlight the universal teenage struggle with authenticity and the lengths one might go to fit in.

---

3. Petty Revenge: Roommate Eats Food

Timestamp: [13:32] – [23:09]

Shayne narrates a Reddit story about dealing with a college roommate who consistently ate his groceries, including his mother's cooking. Frustrated by the lack of common decency, Shane retaliated by selling the roommate’s books and clickers to a resale bookstore. This act of petty revenge effectively stopped the food theft.

Key Points:

• Initial Problem: Roommate repeatedly ate Shane’s food despite assurances ([14:01]).
• Revenge Act: Sold roommate’s books and clickers without monetary motive ([15:39]).
• Discussion: The hosts debate the ethics and effectiveness of Shane’s response, weighing escalation versus fair treatment.

Notable Quotes:

• Shayne: “I entered his room, collected all of his books and clickers, and sold them...” ([15:39])
• Damian: “It's a dick move. It's bullying. It's like, really entitled.” ([16:20])
• Angela: “If you have to grab their books, what are they gonna grab my wallet next?” ([17:19])

The conversation delves into the complexities of roommate relationships and the fine line between standing up for oneself and escalating conflicts.

---

4. Holding Grudges: The "Carrot Boy" Incident

Timestamp: [25:06] – [35:31]

In a poignant tale, Shane reads about a man who held a grudge for 29 years over a childhood nickname, "Carrot Boy," given by a classmate. Attending a high school reunion reignited his unresolved resentment, leading him to act out by confronting the classmate with carrots, only to discover that no one else remembered the insult.

Key Points:

• Long-Standing Grudge: The nickname deeply affected the individual’s self-esteem ([26:02]).
• Reunion Incident: Overreacted by eating carrots aggressively in front of everyone ([29:18]).
• Consequences: Felt embarrassed and isolated after realizing the lack of shared memory ([31:05]).

Discussion: The group reflects on the lasting impact of childhood bullying and the importance of self-awareness in overcoming past traumas.

Notable Quotes:

• Damian: “Carrot Boy, that sucks. That does suck.” ([29:18])
• Angela: “He became Carrot Boy. He did the carrots at the reunion as an adult.” ([30:25])
• Shayne: “Research has shown that siblings intentionally differentiate themselves from each other.” ([56:18])

This story underscores the significance of addressing and releasing long-held grudges to achieve personal growth and emotional well-being.

---

5. Misguided Advice: Teaching Self-Defense

Timestamp: [36:33] – [61:35]

Another story shared involves a parent advising their 8-year-old son to use violence to defend himself against a bully targeting his peanut allergy. After following this advice, the child assaults the bully, leading to school suspension and an emotional aftermath. The parent narrates the unfolding events, including a heartfelt reconciliation with the bully’s family.

Key Points:

• Initial Conflict: The child was bullied over his peanut allergy and threatened with peanut butter ([64:54]).
• Parental Advice: Encouraged the child to use a throat punch as a last resort ([64:57]).
• Outcome: The child assaulted the bully, leading to suspension and subsequent reconciliation ([78:16] – [81:15]).

Discussion: The hosts debate the appropriateness of teaching children self-defense through violence, emphasizing the importance of restraint and peaceful conflict resolution.

Notable Quotes:

• Shayne: “I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself...” ([73:06])
• Damian: “If someone’s doing that, that is attempted murder.” ([70:46])
• Angela: “You don't want to teach that’s how you solve things.” ([75:52])

This segment highlights the delicate balance between empowering children to defend themselves and discouraging violence as a primary response to conflict.

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6. Final Story: Teacher’s Reddit Slip-Up

Timestamp: [58:06] – [73:54]

Shayne recounts a story where a teacher inadvertently revealed his Reddit username to a student, leading to the discovery of an inappropriate post where he mentioned "finger blasting himself into oblivion." The incident resulted in the teacher losing his Reddit account and facing embarrassment.

Key Points:

• Unintentional Revelation: Teacher discussed Reddit during a class, unaware of anonymity ([59:46]).
• Inappropriate Post: Responded to a Reddit question with a cringe-worthy comment ([60:08]).
• Consequences: Faced disciplinary actions and personal embarrassment ([65:00] – [73:54]).

Discussion: The hosts explore the ramifications of digital footprints and the challenges educators face in maintaining professionalism online.

Notable Quotes:

• Shayne: “…I had rather immaturely answered that question on Ask Reddit with finger blast myself into oblivion.” ([60:08])
• Damian: “That's a huge mistake.” ([60:10])
• Angela: “You can't even imagine going to school in this day and age with digital footprints being that big...” ([61:02])

This story serves as a cautionary tale about the permanence of online actions and the importance of maintaining boundaries between personal and professional digital presence.

---

7. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: [73:54] – [82:14]

The episode concludes with a reflection on the discussed stories, emphasizing themes of personal growth, conflict resolution, and the enduring impact of childhood experiences. The hosts reiterate the importance of addressing past grievances and fostering healthy relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Shayne: “It’s okay if even in your 30s you haven’t figured it out, because it’s just so fucking hard...” ([56:18] onwards)
• Damian: “Time to defeat my last enemy.” ([75:43])
• Angela: “That's the truth.” ([81:47])

The trio wraps up by encouraging listeners to check out their ongoing Summer Games and wishing a happy birthday to those celebrating, maintaining the episode’s upbeat and engaging spirit.

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Final Takeaway

The "School Is In Session" episode of Smosh Reads Reddit Stories offers a blend of humor and heartfelt discussion, presenting relatable scenarios that resonate with listeners' own school experiences. Through engaging storytelling and candid conversations, the hosts highlight the complexities of personal interactions, the lasting effects of early experiences, and the importance of thoughtful conflict resolution.

Transcript

[Angela]

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[Shane]

Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is back to school. And you might look around here and see that the set looks a little different today. And that's because we are already into our week of summer games.

[Angela]

Woo.

[Shane]

That's right. And I'm joined by two friends, two classmates, Damian and Angela. Well, Damian, technically, you're the superintendent.

[Damian]

I'm the superintendent. They offered me normal intendant, and I was like, make it better or I walk. And Smosh met me halfway.

[Shane]

Super pretty awesome.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So we haven't started them in real life, but as of this being uploaded, we're into the games, and I don't know who's winning or who's losing. Hopefully we're winning.

[Angela]

Hopefully we're fucking winning. We've had to be winning. Yeah, we're winning, by the way.

[Shane]

We're winning.

[Damian]

I will say I believe in both of you, but because you're both on the same team in this Reddit area and I'm supposed to be unbiased, I have to heavily favor the other team. Just to make it a little bit balanced for this episode is what I'll probably do.

[Angela]

So the pancakes today are at the cafeteria.

[Shane]

Oh, and they're gross.

[Damian]

School morning lunch. You know, like breakfast.

[Shane]

Ugh.

[Angela]

Oh, my God. I saw your famous clip finally.

[Damian]

Oh, the fist bump.

[Angela]

I knew I got it.

[Damian]

I was so new to Smosh then too.

[Angela]

I died.

[Shane]

It's a while rewatching it. I forgot how long it hangs for.

[Angela]

I haven't talked to you since I saw it. He was like, this is Damien's moment. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, what is this gonna be? Yeah, it's exquisite.

[Damian]

I hope you understand me a little bit better now with that lore and knowing. Oh, God, that's awesome. Yeah. Hey, see that? How easy that was.

[Shane]

If you're interested in watching some of the games, the summer games that have been out already, go check out the Smosh games channel. This channel. This past week's uploads are all summer games, so it's good stuff. Good stuff. All right, so we have some back to school stories.

[Angela]

Oh.

[Shane]

So they're gonna be all over the place, but they're gonna be about school.

[Angela]

Just the natural instinct in me when September comes around means. And I'm like, angela, you're an adult. Like, it's fine. Sunday nights, too. I'm like, I gotta do my homework.

[Shane]

It's also my birthday month. And, you know, like, I feel like having September as a birthday month kinda.

[Angela]

I must have sucked.

[Damian]

There's a Green Day song for both y' all that I think you're gonna fucking love.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's pretty cold in here, and I might do something we've never seen. There's been a blanket next to me this whole time.

[Damian]

It's very September of you to have both blades.

[Shane]

It's just the AC is going right on me, so I'm like, should I just do this?

[Damian]

You know what?

[Angela]

It's Reddit stories, baby girl.

[Shane]

So it's Reddit stories, and I'm a little baby girl.

[Damian]

This actually works very well.

[Shane]

Our first story comes from our confession. We have a confession here to start.

[Damian]

These are our confessions.

[Shane]

I faked playing my instrument in the school band all throughout middle school. Okay, this is funny because our episode of Smoshmouth, that was on Monday, we talked about how I was in band when I was in middle school. And I did talk about how a lot of the concerts, I'd be like, you know what? I'm gonna sit this song out. And you just sit there and you pretend. Because I'm just like, I don't wanna make some squeaks, and I can just sit here and pretend and you can get away with it.

[Damian]

Just some inside baseball. We filmed that, like, a few hours ago. Yeah, so that's crazy. And you didn't know this was coming?

[Shane]

I did not know this was coming. I read these for the first time. You're playing your memory. So I did that in middle school. This is a common thing now. He did it throughout all of middle school. I played songs and, you know, there.

[Angela]

Was a solo or something.

[Shane]

I can't wait to think. A lot of those middle school ones, they don't have, like, solos. They don't have, like, different part as a band. You just play the whole thing. So you can kind of just like, trust that the people around you are gonna play loud enough.

[Damian]

I don't know.

[Angela]

I have an experience like this that I'll talk about later. But you can only go so far.

[Shane]

Okay, here we Go. In middle school, my mom forced me to join the school band. I never had any music lessons or played an instrument before that, so I felt really dumb because all of the other kids took lessons and knew how to play their instruments. I don't know how this happened, but I somehow was able to join and ended up being the only French horn player. I faked playing it the entire on it and click random buttons without actually blowing any air out. And the funniest part is when we went to the state band competition, the judges gave me a shout out at the end for a lively and skilled performance. So either I was super convincing or all of those judges were full of shit too. After the competition, my teacher and classmates praised me for getting a shout out, and everyone thought I was a great French horn player. Thank God I never had to do a solo because there's no way I could have pulled that off.

[Angela]

Oh, is it?

[Shane]

This is. Yeah. This is extreme, though. He didn't even know how to play it.

[Damian]

Yeah, you're the only one, though.

[Shane]

I knew how to play it. I knew how to play the saxophone.

[Angela]

You were just like.

[Shane]

I just was like, if I actually, really, like, go for it here, I'm worried it's gonna squeak. But I knew all the notes. I knew all the stuff.

[Damian]

But there were other saxophone players, right?

[Shane]

There was two others.

[Damian]

Then how do you. How are you the only French horn player in this situation? Everyone's like, I heard it.

[Shane]

It was great. That's how useless of an instrument it is. Oh, no.

[Angela]

French horn.

[Shane]

French horn players in the comments was like, fuck you.

[Damian]

The bassoon players are like, ha, ha.

[Shane]

The French horn players in the comments pretending to comment, and they don't do it.

[Angela]

No. Okay, first of all, what I'm obsessed with, with this story is complimenting a musician for being lively when playing.

[Shane]

It's very funny.

[Angela]

No one's ever like, hey, that piano player is moving his. Really lively.

[Shane]

Really getting his back into it.

[Damian]

It's all about the hips with piano. I think in America, we call them freedom horns.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Wow. That means, though, he must have been really in the back being like.

[Shane]

He's standing up. He's like.

[Angela]

For them to be like, hey, you, Steve, you're killing it back there.

[Shane]

Hey, hey, kid. I think you got a shot in Hollywood.

[Damian]

Do you think everybody knew? And we're just like, they're like, there's gotta be a. He's got like a lung issue. And they're like, you did really good. You did really good, buddy. Like, eh.

[Shane]

I like the lore Reveal that the judges are also pretending to be judges.

[Angela]

And they just go, that guy's moving. I'll say, you're a good musician.

[Shane]

They're sitting there playing tic tac toe on their notes, and they're like, oh, wow. You got it. Yeah. So what was your story?

[Angela]

Okay. So I really relate to this, and I think a lot of people do. Like the fact that you did that as well. I did that a little bit. I played the flute for a brief stint, and it was like I was just hanging on. Right. And you're just kind of like, whatever. But in college, or was it college? I actually don't know if it was college or high school. We had to learn how to sight sing. And that's really fucking hard. I mean, all instruments and reading music is just hard. But for some reason, I was like, I'll be able to figure this out. And I always just kind of, like, sing a note. So if we're both sight singing, like, I was always a second behind. Cause I was never. And I'd always, like, kind of look at it, but just be listening to whoever's right next to me.

[Damian]

So funny.

[Shane]

Not so bad.

[Angela]

But then they make you go down the line. Oh, and. Cause I was gonna say, like, any good music program's gonna make sure everyone can hold their own weight and do it alone. That's in the whiplash, too. And I will never forget being like, I'm just gonna jump in the pool.

[Shane]

You're just gonna do all the notes and hope one of them counts.

[Damian]

My question's like, when he's like, everybody else had lessons, is that the norm? That, like, you don't learn how to play your own instrument? You have to come in sort of knowing what you're doing? Cause I never did band.

[Angela]

Different programs are all. They're all.

[Shane]

It's different by school, I think. So when I was in band, I think for the first couple years, I would go and it would be like, just the saxophone players, and we would just play. And then, like, that was in elementary school.

[Angela]

You're usually grouped by instrument. So you just learn together and all play a C or all play a D, and you learn it on the thing.

[Damian]

Interesting.

[Angela]

But then it also depends on, like, arts funding. Hate to get political, but if you're not funding the arts, I guess you have to come in and byo bring your own understanding.

[Damian]

Biaow bayou.

[Shane]

Yeah. When we had the, like, when we had this. The saxophone practice, you'd have to play like, you can't get away with it. But then we'd have full band practice. Or especially when we get to our concerts and we're in the auditorium in front of all of our parents. That's where sometimes I would know the specific parts in songs where I'm like, I've squeaked every time. Yeah, I've gotten to this point, I'm just gonna not do it.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Where I played really lightly.

[Damian]

The thing that's so weird to me about this, though, is, like, if this is a program where most kids are taking lessons in order to understand the instrument, then the mom has to know that she forced him to do this. So she has to know that if he's learning at school, in her mind, he would have to practice at home. Right. Like, she never hears any French horn practice at home ever. Like, this is just. I don't know.

[Angela]

Yeah, I don't know. It still happens to me, honestly, to this day. With Starkid, they'll give you your vocal parts, and sometimes they'll be like, just the altos. And then sometimes he'll be like, someone's not singing right here. And I was like, yeah, we gotta. We gotta strengthen our part. We really do. It's hard.

[Damian]

I think it's Jake. We gotta kill him.

[Shane]

In the comments, someone said, did they not do a tryout assessment each semester year? Did the conductor never go down the line or have you play solo? If not, what is going on in music?

[Angela]

Well, maybe we're not paying our conductors.

[Shane]

Yeah. OP Responded saying, my instructor didn't say that much about the band. She was the same instructor for chorus and show choir and was definitely more into that. And she never had us individually do our parts. She'd just have us all play together and only stop us to individually play if she heard something was off. Sometimes she'd have the bigger sections play without the other sections to hear them. But for the sections with one to two players, she'd never have us do it individually. We went over very basic music theory, and for our final exams, we took a written test. I still never learned to play the French horn, but I've gone on to learn the piano, guitar, and become a classically trained vocalist. When I'm not at my day job, I'm part of a musical theater club. And I promise I'm not lip syncing. Lol.

[Angela]

Same.

[Damian]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Shane]

So they were like, actually, you know what? I'm gonna start playing other instruments.

[Damian]

Yeah, that sucks a lot. And Angela, you're right about the, like, not paying teacher thing. Like, a part of me wants to be like, oh, it sucks. The teacher didn't care. But at the same time I'm like, you want to teach three different groups of kids and every instrument and singing and then also performance singing.

[Shane]

Like, uh, that's cool.

[Angela]

She takes a huge hit of her vape. She goes, I think the French horn sounds fine.

[Shane]

I'm laughing at like, her not caring about band, but she loves show choir, so it's like band practice. Then she's like, all right guys, like, great, great work, everyone. All right, see you later. And as they're leaving, show choir comes in, you see her just like, what's up guys? Come on in. Just like love.

[Damian]

She just flipping watches Glee every day.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Or she's like, this sounds great. No. I was listening to our cast recording of Dear Evan Hansen and I think it's gonna be great.

[Damian]

Waving through a window.

[Shane]

Someone else said, lol. I did the same thing in middle school. Only one other saxophone player ever found out. I never played during concerts or practices.

[Angela]

I think it's very relatable and happens everywhere.

[Shane]

Oh, totally. Lastly, someone said, maybe the judges just hate the French horn and thought it sounded so great because it was missing. Wow. Makes you think. Today's Reddit stories is brought to you by zocdoc. Hey, remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? That one you meant to book but you got sidetracked and completely forgot about it until now. You know, that dentist appointment for your biannual cleaning? Or if you're like me, that overdue annual checkup you've been putting off year after year? Well, why not book it today? Zocdoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now, and it's all online. You'll probably be able to book an appointment before the end of this ad. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. And appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. More often than not, you can even get same day appointments. When I looked at zocdoc, I was astounded at how simple it was. I had put off getting a checkup for so long, but I had an appointment booked by the end of that day. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com PittReddit to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com PitReddit Zocdoc.com PittReddit Back to the show. All right, our next story comes from petty revenge. Ooh, love this. College roommate ate my food, so I sold their books.

[Damian]

Oh.

[Shane]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Damian]

Dreadful.

[Shane]

A roommate ate your food? I've never heard of that.

[Angela]

Did you eat his food?

[Damian]

No, no.

[Shane]

I just. It's a common.

[Angela]

Oh, I thought it was a bit.

[Damian]

Cause you guys are roommates.

[Shane]

Actually, no. Damian never did that.

[Damian]

Why would you immediately go to that? Why would you think that he didn't eat food?

[Shane]

Why would you.

[Angela]

Because I'm sitting now with two old roommates.

[Shane]

Why would you.

[Damian]

I'm not that old, Angela.

[Shane]

What? You just called us old.

[Damian]

I'm so. My back doesn't even hurt.

[Shane]

In 2010, while I was in college, I lived in off campus housing with a male roommate who frequently had friends over, which did not bother me, but their lack of common decency. Really frustrated. One week, I purchased a significant amount of groceries for myself. I had to go home for the weekend due to an emergency. Once I returned, all of my groceries were gone. After addressing the issue with my roommate, he assured me it wouldn't happen again. But unfortunately, it continued to occur. This one time, my mother made me chicken and spinach. He asked me who made the chicken. I told him my mom. He said it was really good. I never gave him permission to eat my food. I started storing most of my food in my room. The breaking point came when my mother prepared a delicious meal of salmon, broccoli, and sweet potatoes for me. I left the food in the fridge while I went to campus to help make meals for the homeless. I should have packed him a sandwich. Once I returned, I found my roommate's friends enjoying my mother's cooking and praising it. Feeling disrespected, I took matters into my own hands. While my roommate was in class, I entered his room, collected all of his books and clickers, and sold them to a resale bookstore on campus. After that, he never touched my shit. Truth is that I would have never had an issue with sharing if he asked and saved me some of my food. They never asked and they always ate everything. Additional information. We never had a conversation about what happened, but he stopped eating my food, so I'm sure he knew I took his books. I don't think I got more than $100 for the books and clickers, but the money was not the motive. Clickers. We used to use this back in the day for attendance and pop quiz. It's like a remote connected to your student id. Um, I'm a little ticked off.

[Damian]

Yeah, what are you thinking?

[Angela]

Those are his books. I don't know. At ucla, book were so, like, they're so expensive, so stupid. You have to wait in so many lines to get em. I'm like, you could get new yams, New mom's yams.

[Damian]

You can get a new mom. Your dad's been dead.

[Angela]

Or like, eat his food. Don't go for his education, man.

[Shane]

You're saying, go for an eye for an eye. Like, eat his food. Don't go eye for foot. Doesn't sound like they have any food. The roommate's eating all of her food and the roommate's friends are eating all of her food and bragging about it.

[Angela]

In front of her face. I have to say, that sucks. That's rude. That's very. That sucks.

[Damian]

It's a dick move. It's bullying. It's like, really entitled. But I do get what you're saying about like, yeah, you take your petty revenge, whatever. It's just a weird, like, left turn. It's not like, well, I'm gonna make you food that, like, we've heard stories where it's like, I made food that was way too spicy and that'll teach them. This one's like, well, I'm gonna take your bed and throw it in a river.

[Shane]

It's a conversation of, is she elevating it? Cause and now it's like in the. What's that?

[Angela]

Like is like someone's education, but also that's their food. You're right. No, there's no one.

[Shane]

My thinking is always this. And I know some people disagree because some people view of like, no, you get your revenge, right? I never thought that way. I still don't think that way. Especially with roommates. Cause I'm like, you live with this person, they have access to all your shit. If you want to elevate it, like your books, you can. Or get your revenge, you can. But now they're probably gonna go for their strike now.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And now they hate you. Cause now you've established your enemies.

[Angela]

I'm like, you grab their books. What are they gonna grab my wallet next? Like, you're upping the game.

[Shane]

That would be where I'm thinking. I'm not thinking a matter of what they deserve. I'm thinking a matter of like, my own safety and stuff Already they disrespect me. They clearly don't care about me. Yes. Are they the types that are gonna.

[Angela]

Go all out and some de Escalation of revenge is kind of funny? Like if you did something really small and lame, like, or like something like. Just like something stupid. Just like, get into his room.

[Damian]

Yeah. Release a bunch of bugs in his room.

[Angela]

That's awful.

[Shane]

Or like, you know, just like. Just like. Just like, kill him.

[Damian]

Just hit him.

[Angela]

Just a little kill.

[Shane]

Just like a little kill.

[Damian]

College roommates is such a weird time because people are in their own insular little bubble growing up. However they grow up in their own house, generally not seeing how anyone else lives, what anyone else's food rules are. Like, living style is. And then you live together, and it's immediately like, you do what you do. What?

[Shane]

I know.

[Damian]

Like, in my family, it was like, hey, you throw out lunch meat after five or six days. Cause it's not good in the fridge after that. And when I said that, like, one day, when living with people, three other people turn around, they're like, what? Only five or six days? And someone's like, two weeks is fine. And someone's like. It's like, who's right? I don't know. But still, everybody's like, no, this is the way it is. Cause that's how I grew up. Sounds like he's a spoiled little man, baby.

[Shane]

I think there's a lot of spoiled people who, once they have roommates, they grew up their whole life just being able to. They were just provided for so much that they're just like, yeah, everything that's in the house, I eat.

[Damian]

You know what's weird to me, too, is, like, usually when you hear stories like this, it's like, oh, my roommate ate all my chips. All his friends came over and were like, do you have any snacks? He's like, yeah, we have chips. I can't imagine being someone's friend being like, do you have any food? And it's like, yeah, we have some delicious salmon and broccoli with sweet potatoes. Like, that's an entire ass meal. Let's go. Like, for four people. Let's do it.

[Shane]

I'd be. If I went over to say I went over to your house and you had roommates, and you were like, oh, I have this delicious, delicious meal. And I'm like, oh, cool. And we're eating it, and then your roommate gets home and they go, hey, where's the. Like, where's that meal I have? And then it's like, oh, who cooked it? It's like, my mom. And you're like, delicious. I'd be like, I need to leave. Like, we just committed a crime. Like, how are.

[Damian]

I don't actually live here.

[Shane]

You have, like, a candlelit dinner, and you're like, we gotta go.

[Angela]

We have to now.

[Shane]

Uh, oh, the owner showed up. We gotta leave.

[Angela]

If in college someone offered me, like, sweet potatoes and chicken made from their mom, I'd be like, do you have, like, a PBR and like, maybe like a Twizzler, Like a vegetable?

[Shane]

Do you have top Ramen and maybe a Coke? Yeah, I've been surviving off that and.

[Angela]

Then going, this doesn't belong to you, dude.

[Shane]

But, like, we've all met these people that are this entitled. Yeah, it's like, mind blowing when you're face to face with them. You're like, wait, how do you not care? Yeah, yeah, it's shocking. I'm curious what the comments will say. Someone said, I had a similar situation that I've definitely mentioned on Reddit before. I bought a huge bag of rice at the local Asian grocery store. Like, £50, because I was broke as hell, but it's a lot cheaper to buy it that way. I caught my roommate giving some random person a significant portion of my rice one day. I said, hey, what the fuck? That's my rice, not yours. You can't give away, like, one fifth of it without asking. He said, but you have so much of it. Yeah, because I'm rationing it out for the rest of the year, you idiot. He thought of himself as a musician and had a lot of musical instruments in his room. So later that week, I gave away some of his guitars to various people in that dorm. He was very angry, but my response was simply, but you have so many of them.

[Angela]

Rice for guitars.

[Shane]

It's a. It's a fun story, but he's dead now. Don't go skiing at night, y', all.

[Damian]

Or I'll get you.

[Shane]

No.

[Angela]

What do you mean?

[Damian]

All of these stories have hard left turns.

[Shane]

See, I gotta. This is why, though. Like, these types of comments are why I'm like, hey, like, I don't fuck with people because, like, you never know who's just a murderer, like, in the making. I'm like, I don't think you kill them, but I think you could kill someone. Yeah, he gave away a fifth of my rice, so I sold his dog. Anyway, it's just like.

[Angela]

Anyway, don't ski at night.

[Shane]

I'm like, all right, man, cool. Like, great.

[Damian]

You stole my pork rinds.

[Shane]

I took your skin. The way he's telling that story, I'm like, I understand that he took a fifth of your rice and gave it to someone. You seem like you're happy he's dead. Yeah, like, damn, it's so ominous.

[Angela]

To end everything with something completely about something else and be like, anyway, don't hydroplane when it's snowing.

[Damian]

I was. I.

[Shane]

Someone said I would have sold his info on the Internet. I don't play about my mom's food, but that's just me. OP said that was what pushed me over the edge. Literally. My favorite dish. And they ate everything. Lol.

[Damian]

I guess this is the petty revenge Reddit. Like, people are gonna be here.

[Shane]

People are here for revenge. They love revenge. Someone said, college roommates suck. I had two that were eating my food and refused to clean up their messes. One roommate constantly left bowls of his leftover milk from cereal. Cereal he never purchased in the sink until the milk went rancid. The other roommate and I started putting those bowls full of milk under his bed. His room. Literally his room.

[Damian]

Oh, my God, his room.

[Shane]

We kept one bowl each and would immediately clean it and hide it in our rooms. Okay, that's. That is more in line of, like, revenge that I think is fair. I'm like, he's leaving this out. It's rancid. It smells bad for everyone. You're just taking what he's doing. You're making the consequences of his actions affect him more than everyone else. That to me is like, that's the right.

[Damian]

How do you do that in this person's situation where it's like, you take my mom salmon. I'm taking it back from you. Vomit.

[Shane]

My only thought with this is I'm just like, okay, well, you're moving out now, right?

[Angela]

Yeah, you're right.

[Shane]

They're moving out. Like, you can't live together. You declared war. You absolutely declared war. And some people are out of their mind. Yeah, that's just where my head goes 100%.

[Damian]

It's where you have to, like, abandon the idea of, like, fairness sometimes, where it's like, totally. Oh, man. They still have, like, one over on me, and I want to get them back, but I don't know. It's like, sometimes you can just be like, it sucks. They took my thing. I'd rather not get stabbed in the.

[Shane]

Middle of the night.

[Angela]

But that takes a lot of growth.

[Damian]

It does.

[Shane]

I think that because we're old now, that's how I've. I feel like that's how I've always been, though. I'm. I'm the type that if someone wrongs me now, a roommate is so tough. Right. But if someone wrongs me, my initial thought is not, how do I get back at them? My initial thought is, how do I get removed. How do I remove them from my life or I remove myself from their sphere as quickly as possible.

[Angela]

That's you taking care of yourself. But there are some people that when you are so deeply hurt, your body's reaction for some reason is to also hurt. Like it's just this like I get.

[Shane]

That part of human. It's the desire for catharsis. Right. And I understand that's a very valid thing. I think where I also go though, and what I would ask anyone who's like seeking revenge is like, I'm gonna do this. I'm like, what is the outcome you desire?

[Angela]

Yes. That's great.

[Shane]

Right? Cause the whole purpose I think deep down with revenge is that you want to teach them a lesson. You want them to stop.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Now I guess they are saying in this that they haven't touched their food since. Truth is. But. So all we know is that actually it luckily worked out. But I'm like, for me, nine times out of ten doing something like that is gonna culminate in horrible shit.

[Angela]

Yeah, it's like bringing a gun to a knife fight or whatever.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. It's. Why even like on the road, especially in la, I'm like, oh, I don't flip people off. I don't do. No matter how wrong someone is, I'm not escalating it. Cause I'm like, people have guns. Yeah, people be having guns.

[Damian]

I've been chased in a car before by a guy that's like next to.

[Angela]

Me, like, oh yeah, me too.

[Damian]

It's crazy shit.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, next story.

[Damian]

Oh, there's a third.

[Shane]

Thank goodness I took off the blanket. Cause it's now a little bit warmer in here and I feel good. So you can really see the full Hollywood hot dog.

[Angela]

We're winning.

[Shane]

The better team.

[Angela]

Yeah, we are winning right now. And this is like a manifestation.

[Shane]

It's gonna be so embarrassing if we are horribly losing by this point, Chance.

[Damian]

Single handedly is like the golden boy rushing us.

[Angela]

Or if we have a massive falling out, you and me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

We'll look back at this footage and be like, remember they used to talk.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Angela]

And then they became hot dogs.

[Shane]

A falling out when we were on the same team. That's brutal.

[Damian]

I could see it happening.

[Shane]

It's actually more likely it's a lot.

[Damian]

Of games, videos already.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's true. Next story. This comes from today. I fucked up today. I fucked up by holding a grudge for 29 years against a kid at school who called me Carrot boy.

[Angela]

People really come packing with these Titles.

[Shane]

Now OP is saying that he messed up. He messed up by holding a grudge for 29 years. All right? The names, including my own, have been modified to false names. About 29 years ago, I was in the third grade. I took one of those carrot packs out of my lunchbox, the kind that came with a little cup of ranch dressing. All of a sudden, this kid Balthazar said, hey everyone, look, Tim is a carrot boy. Everyone at the whole lunch table started to laugh. I couldn't believe it. For some reason, that incident really stuck with me. Nobody really brought it up again, but I became self conscious in elementary school for eating carrots. Later, I lost that self consciousness. But all through school and into adulthood, I always thought of and built it up in my head as this big disrespectful insult to me. Whenever I eat carrots, the memory pops up basically involuntarily. Whenever I see carrots, I remember Balthazar going, hey everyone, look. Tim is a carrot boy. And hear the laughter. What you should know is that I am from a small town and although I left, a lot of the kids I knew are still there. I saw that over the holidays there was an impromptu high school reunion event scheduled. I decided to show up. I haven't seen these people regularly in a long time. Well, who should be there but Balthazar? All of a sudden, the old anger welled up in me. I don't know what I was thinking, it seems so ridiculous now, but I saw a big tray of carrots meant for everyone at the buffet table and I picked up the entire tray and carried it to Balthi's table. I started eating carrots angrily. Everyone at the table and surrounding tables were staring at me. I then said, guess I'm still a carrot boy, huh? I almost immediately realized my fuck up when everyone looked at me like I was insane and they had no idea what I was referencing. So I awkwardly asked Baltho and the other people around if they remembered him calling me a carrot boy in the third grade. And nobody did. So I was like, this did happen. You really did call me a carrot boy. And he was like, uh, okay, sorry, man. Somebody next to me put their hand on my arm and whispered to me, are you okay? As if I was having a mental breakdown or something. I was so embarrassed that I just got up and left. Multiple people have texted me asking me if I'm alright and why did I do that and did I really hold a grudge for some innocuous, silly remark that a third grader made almost 30 years ago when it was Put to me like that, I realized maybe I was the one being weird. Balthazar wasn't like a bully or something. Aside from that one insult, he never did anything else to me. And in high school was kind of known as being a do gooder. I had built it up as this major incident, but nobody else even remembered it. I was horrified to find that several people from the reunion unfriended me on Facebook. And I saw photos of the event. And somebody had tagged me in the background as Carrot Boy. And none other than Balthazar responded to the post asking the poster to remove the tag, even though several other people had replied with laugh emojis. Now I feel like I have made a huge fool of myself and can never show myself in this town again. Well, maybe that's okay. I don't like the town anyways. But I am so embarrassed, I can hardly sleep. And it has been a few weeks since the incident. Oh, God, another 30 years are gonna pass and he's gonna meet up with him and he's gonna be like, hey, I wanna talk about that high school.

[Angela]

This is a gem.

[Damian]

The entire first half, I imagined, like, him riding in a thunderstorm at midnight, like the Raven style. Like, it was then that he called me Carrot Boy. And I remember that it didn't even become a nickname. It didn't even stick.

[Shane]

No, it was the one incident.

[Damian]

He's 37 or 38 right now.

[Shane]

And that Carrot Boy comment, which means the rest of his school years were a breeze. If Carrot Boy from third grade is what stands out to you, then you made it through high school without anything that much worse.

[Damian]

That's a crazy point.

[Shane]

Nothing else.

[Angela]

You did puberty and just drove right on by.

[Shane]

Nothing else. Nothing else stuck. Carrot Boy. It's not even that bad.

[Damian]

No. And also, like, to his credit, you know, 8 year olds, 9 year olds, that's not even a good joke for them to laugh at. Like, the whole class laughing at it. Carrot Boy, that sucks. That does suck.

[Angela]

What's honestly remarkable to me about this story is the fact that he made himself Carrot Boy at the end. That he got tagged in a post that sometimes the things that we keep, we decide stay with us.

[Damian]

Yeah, it's terrible.

[Angela]

He became Carrot Boy. He did the carrots at the reunion as an adult. As a boy, he was like, I am Carrot Boy. No one said he was Carrot Boy besides him.

[Damian]

I even think it would be wild to, like, be at the tray with somebody and be like, well, I guess you expect me to eat all these, huh? The fact that he brought it over to the table. Like, he really spent 29 years as carrot boy in his mind.

[Angela]

But also, I also get it. Like, it's wild the things that stick with you, right? That you, like, bring up your friends and you're like, remember that happened? And they're like, no, like me and my brother all the time. I'll remember some of the most embarrassing shit. He's like, I don't remember that at all. And it's like, oh, it sticks with you long.

[Shane]

It does, it does. No, that's fair.

[Angela]

So it's very fair.

[Shane]

That's real. But it's like at a certain point going, okay, like putting it into the context of like. Well, they're not gonna remember that. That's from third grade. Yeah. Like, it affected me. It's a core memory for me. But that doesn't mean it's a core memory for them.

[Angela]

But, like, it's a core memory for me. Right. And I have no control over it. Cause I felt humiliated. But I do have control the rest of my life. And I don't want it to be a core memory anymore. Like, I don't have to bring it into these new spaces.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

Therapy is expensive, but 29 years, you can maybe find. Scrape together some change for one session at some point in there.

[Shane]

So Carrot boy.

[Damian]

So Carrot boy. I also. What's funny is around fourth grade, fifth grade, I have a carrot related story.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Damian]

Where? You know, I was a little bit of a goofster in my day.

[Angela]

Well, you're kidding.

[Damian]

Angela, if you can believe it, as I live and breathe, I was a goofster, okay? And I had these little carrot sticks, right? And I put one sort of where my teeth go. And you guys know the animal, the walrus?

[Shane]

I've heard of it.

[Damian]

I was sort of like a carrot walrus. And it was. It slayed. And then this girl, I'll change her name for posterity. Balthazzina. Balthazzina came up and went poof and hit both carrots. And it kind of hurt my gums a little bit.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Damian]

And you want to know the crazy thing is I didn't think about that from then until now. It was only that day and then only right now. And it's just that easy.

[Angela]

That girl that bumped him up, Kate Hudson.

[Damian]

And she turned out to be Kate Hudson.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I cannot knock this person for like this sticking with him. Right. Cause stuff like from your childhood sticks with him. Core memory. In middle school, it might have been elementary school or middle school. There was a dance and like a dance circle form and just kids were hopping into it. And I remember I got booed out of it. And like to this day I'm like, I won't dance. Oh, no.

[Damian]

She is the saddest thing ever.

[Shane]

It's also deeply funny.

[Angela]

I try to keep going. What are you happy doing, Shane?

[Damian]

This is gonna sound like an insult and I mean it as the highest compliment. You turned out. You should do that so well. You turned out so well for all the things of like, yeah, I got food while dancing. I was homeschooled. Like, your life is awesome. You did great. And there were all these things going.

[Shane]

Cut to us on a Disney show where the end, the end of the first episode, they're like, all right now here's about where you all dance. Everyone's like, oh, Shane.

[Angela]

I also got.

[Damian]

I also got made fun of for dancing in elementary school. Like there was a day where everybody had to dance this song and people were like, look what Damien's doing. And I stopped.

[Shane]

And to this day I think it's a very base level insult dudes throw at each other in elementary school. No, I, I think like boys are just like, ah, you're dancing, you're dumb.

[Angela]

I think learning to dance is humiliating no matter the gender when you're young. I remember we used to play Big Booty in my like, like in theater class and I was humiliated to play.

[Damian]

Was there dancing in Big Booty?

[Angela]

It was like it was a version of it that you would dance. But thinking of someone getting booed out.

[Damian]

Yeah, that sucks a lot.

[Shane]

It was pretty rough.

[Angela]

So sorry.

[Shane]

Pretty rough.

[Damian]

Damn, dude.

[Angela]

And then like, what if you went back to your reunion? You're like, how about this, huh? And everyone's like, what.

[Damian]

Do you do a full like footloose routine?

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And then all like, sick dude. I was like, all right, lights in.

[Angela]

There is nothing else like a YouTuber now.

[Damian]

I think it's the Goldberg's kid.

[Shane]

Thank you. Okay, comments. That's some self fulfilling prophecy shit. 10,000 upvotes. Someone said, I have hard secondhand cringe. Someone said, I picked up the entire tray and carried it to Balthy's table. Oh my God, he's going to dump the carrots on his classmates. I started eating carrots angrily. Question marks. And then he realized he was no longer a carrot boy. Wipes tear but a carrot man. I will say that the self fulfilling prophecy thing is true of like the things that you hold onto you will become you.

[Angela]

Bring it into the room. It wasn't there and you brought it in.

[Damian]

That's like Greek tragedy level of like, this is the prophecy and because you know about it, it's gonna happen.

[Shane]

It's actually very much like a. It's true.

[Damian]

It's like Oedipus.

[Shane]

It's like.

[Damian]

Like he was punished for what he's going to do in the future and he was punished by being abandoned as a baby. And that's what leads to him doing all that stuff in the future.

[Angela]

First Oedipus reference in a Reddit story.

[Shane]

Boom.

[Damian]

Which is not even about the mom stuff.

[Shane]

That's actually kind of shocking that Oedipus has not been brought up before in Reddit stories.

[Angela]

I was gonna say this.

[Shane]

James, with the slam court.

[Angela]

I wish you gonna see. I mean, Redipus.

[Damian]

This sounds like a Spencer. Dare I say Redipus?

[Shane]

It's actually very much like an acting thing where in like scenes that like I've had coaches be like, yeah, whatever you're thinking about is what we're gonna see.

[Angela]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

And it's like, it's true. Like if you're uncomfortable or something, it's like we're just gonna see that. Like, you have to focus on what you want us to see and what you'll become. Yep.

[Damian]

But hey, I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I'm the fist bump guy.

[Shane]

Don't. Don't.

[Damian]

And this is my carrot man moment. I really wasn't the fist bump guy. Are you okay? Am I taking up too much?

[Angela]

No, not at all. I just move a lot.

[Damian]

I move a lot too.

[Angela]

Keep up.

[Shane]

It's okay. Ooh. Whoa.

[Damian]

That's some strong.

[Shane]

Oh boos. Our next story. Today I messed up by nailing my crush with a football and making the whole school hate me. This came from nine years ago.

[Damian]

Ooh.

[Shane]

I was in PE today playing football with the boys class. The girls class was on the side of the field warming up to run laps. Only one girl caught my attention though. My crush. Leaning on the chain link fence as usual, she was too cool to be there.

[Angela]

Fuck yeah.

[Damian]

Smoking a cigarette, legs all the way down to the ground.

[Shane]

As I half assedly played the game. I decided I'd get her attention by talking the football nearby her, then coolly saying hi when I went to retrieve it. Maybe that would blossom into a conversation later. I was so excited. What a great idea. Well, the moment I got that ball, I sent it flying in her direction with all my strength. Oh, shit. I realized too late. I forgot to make that look like an accident. Also, that throw was way too close. Fuck, it's going to hit her. She noticed. Too directly in the ball's path. With no time to run, she covered her face. It nailed her in the groin. Everyone went silent as she called her. Collapsed to the grass in a ball. They stared at her, then at me. They did not look happy. I was overloaded with horror between my instant pariah status and the ghastly fate of this poor girl's womanhood. Fuck this. I took off, sprinting right to the junior parking lot. PE is the last class of the day. So I jumped in my car and got the fuck out of there.

[Angela]

What a coward.

[Shane]

I was sobbing when I got home. My mother asked me why, and I told her that I. I stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and got jalapenos in my eye. Cat.

[Angela]

Yeah. Weird. Okay. I throw it. It hits her. She's on the ground crying. I go, I like you better.

[Shane]

Shot.

[Angela]

I double down and I go, oh, I have a crush on you. I fucked up.

[Damian]

It's the knowledge that, like, you get as an adult that, like, whenever someone's like, what would you tell your teenage self? It's like, nothing. You know, you have to learn the lessons you learned. I take that back. It would be just like, just go talk to someone. Just go say, like, hey, I think you're cute. Like, how's it going? You know? And if they're not interested, you go away. And that's how it goes. But the fact that it's like, okay, you go over here and I'll throw this to you. And then I'll pretend to trip, and I'll look up and be like, oops.

[Shane]

Can I kiss you?

[Damian]

Like, I'm just acting so stupid.

[Shane]

But this is the logic we pull in high school. And also what so many people pull in their 30s.

[Angela]

I was gonna say, Amy, why'd you look at me when you said that? Just.

[Damian]

No, you know what it's like with so many. When someone eats all your food as a roommate, you know what it's like?

[Angela]

I was fucking with you.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

What?

[Damian]

When somebody eats all your food as a roommate, you know what it's like.

[Angela]

I did that kind of shit even in college. I'd be like, oh, we're meeting here. What? I feel like you, like, think when you have crushes that you have to do, like, you have to just create a bunch of meet cutes and organic stuff instead of just doing anything.

[Shane]

I think everything in media tells us that that's how it should go.

[Angela]

Like, you can't just, like, have a desire, go up to somebody and, like, talk to them. You just have to be like, oops, that ball fell.

[Shane]

You know what it is? It's because we fear that it's boring. Right. Like, direct communication seems boring.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Cause it's not movie. Like, it's not TV show. Like, it's just like, oh, you're just going up and you're just saying, hey. I'm like, would you ever want to hang out?

[Angela]

Also, there's, like, a bad rep around just trying.

[Shane]

Absolutely. Especially when you're young, just trying anything.

[Angela]

And doing it and not, like, falling accidentally into this and going, hey, what's up?

[Shane]

And the more directly you put yourself out there, the more directly it's asking someone out, the more cemented their rejection is. Right. Cause if it's just throwing out hints and they kind of shoot away, you can tell yourself, like, oh, well, you know, it's whatever, and you're not hurt.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But if you go and you say, hey, I'm interested in you, and they go, I'm not interested in you, it's like, oh. And now I know that for real.

[Damian]

I've had great interactions with people when I've just been, like, forthright, where it's just like. Like, hey, I think you're really attractive and I'm interested in you. Would you like to go, you know, do this something sometime? And, like, not like, I've never been rejected before, but I'm saying if the person is at all interested, that's very, like, oh, my God. It's so refreshing. Like, that was really direct. And I was like, thank you. Yep. That's.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

It's sometimes called, like, the Tiz Rizz, where you're just like. It is. Where you're just like, this is how I feel. And then someone's like, oh, shit. Like, cool.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Angela]

Throwing a ball at her is so funny.

[Shane]

It's very funny. And I mean, that's a great opener for a conversation. You just walk over and you'd be like, you didn't catch it, girl.

[Angela]

Keep up.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Damian]

Are you okay?

[Shane]

I saw that. That guy threw that at you.

[Damian]

That was me.

[Shane]

I did that.

[Damian]

I was aiming for it.

[Angela]

Well, it looks like you need a little less on a catch. Why don't we hang.

[Shane]

Comments? So I jumped in my car. Damn. Up until that point, I was picturing you in, like, eighth grade.

[Damian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

You were driving a car. I did so, too.

[Angela]

Especially PE.

[Shane]

Yeah. Someone said she might have forgiven you for hitting her with the ball, but not for running away. Dude, you're screwed. Someone said, lol, I hit my crush twice with a football and soccer ball, totally by accident. Both times the ball hit her in the head. It was terrible when it occurred, but she is now my girlfriend, so all is good. Just make sure to apologize to her. Someone said.

[Damian]

My very concussed girlfriend.

[Shane]

Someone said, 2029, married to her with two kids. Placing that bet now, that's possible.

[Damian]

That's a little too soon in the field.

[Shane]

He ran away.

[Angela]

Yeah, he ran away and then did this weird Taco Bell lie. That didn't. Doesn't really.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

You also lied to your mom.

[Shane]

I think what's most important is that your mom doesn't respect you anymore.

[Angela]

I went through the drive through and I got jalapenos, and I put them all over my eyes and I came back.

[Shane]

It's like, you don't even know how to eat Taco Bell. Give me your license. You can't drive.

[Damian]

She's like, hon, jalapenos are an extra 49 cents and we have them at home. You don't know how to use your money anymore. You lose your car privileges. You lose your car privileges.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Damian]

I got hit in the face with a tennis ball once by my best friend. And I watched it happen. We were trying to collect the tennis balls after playing, and so he, like, hit it back toward me, and I just watched. And I was like, oh, shit, it's coming right from my face. And the teeth hit me right in the mouth.

[Angela]

No.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You don't make it through school without getting just rocked.

[Angela]

I was walking. Hey, ucla. It was an awful day. I had a really hot chai latte in my hand and a frisbee hit me so big in the.

[Damian]

And I.

[Angela]

When I tell you, I lies so upset. Who the fuck are you? Two little children. Boys playing Frisbee while we all have schoolwork. I was stressed. I was mad. Did you chai latte went flying?

[Damian]

Sure.

[Shane]

Did it hit the chai latte or.

[Angela]

Did it hit my face? And I just.

[Damian]

I think the impact was probably enough that you're, like, in shock. You dropped the.

[Angela]

Yeah, we're just, like, hanging out. I was like, it's not a Saturday, you dumb two fucks. It's a Tuesday and we all have school. I was so pissed.

[Shane]

Getting hit by a frisbee is rough.

[Angela]

I called.

[Damian]

That's hard. Would you mind? Where is it, like, eyebrow or, like.

[Shane]

What was like, right through flats?

[Angela]

No, it was like, right here.

[Shane]

You like to think that you were Yelling. And then you started crying. You were like, how dare you?

[Angela]

No, I started crying and I was like, I'm fine, it's okay. And then I started walking and I was talking to them. I left them and I was still talking back going, who are you?

[Shane]

Do you realize that's those kids, like, stand by me moment? They're gonna meet up 20 years from now and be like, remember when we hit that troll?

[Angela]

That girl looks stressed.

[Shane]

Remember when you ruined the life?

[Damian]

Yeah, before that, you didn't even like theater. You get hit and you're just like, ugh. And your whole life is different. It's like, just hits your brain just the right way. Like, I think I'll do Starkid.

[Shane]

That's so funny, dad.

[Damian]

That's awful.

[Shane]

My friends and I realizing this is crazy. We used to just throw rocks at each other.

[Damian]

Born is crazy, huh?

[Shane]

It was Arizona and there was just like rocks everywhere and we were bored, so we're just throwing rocks at each other. Like, it's like a game hole. We're throwing like rocks at each other.

[Damian]

When I say again, I did get rocked.

[Shane]

I got rocked in the fucking forehead by one of these rocks.

[Damian]

You turned out. So for every circumstance in your life, like, yeah, we hit each other with rocks. So it was home schooled. They got made fun for dancing and you're like the most well adjusted person I've ever met.

[Angela]

Also drowned.

[Shane]

Yeah, I drowned twice. The elements got me.

[Angela]

Yeah, we used to just throw rocks.

[Shane]

That's all we had. So we'd throw rocks at each other.

[Angela]

Thank God kids have the Internet now.

[Damian]

Actually.

[Angela]

Yeah, that was loaded. We throw different kinds of rocks now.

[Damian]

Dwayne Johnson, get on up here.

[Shane]

We throw up votes at each other.

[Angela]

Back to Reddit.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right. Our next story comes from. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for telling my daughter that life isn't high school? And if it was, she would be the loser now. Calling your daughter a loser is rough.

[Angela]

Guys, let's hear him out. Let's hear them out.

[Damian]

Sounds like one of those tough love conversations that you're like, this will set them straight. And you're like, you're gonna give them a complex.

[Shane]

Okay? My daughter is 24, Kelly.

[Damian]

Get it fixed.

[Shane]

And my younger daughter is 23, Sarah. They both had very different high school experience. Kelly was very social and in different sports. Sarah was very academic and had a small group of friends.

[Damian]

I'm so sorry, can you go back to which one's which again?

[Shane]

So Kelly is the 24 year old daughter. Sarah is the 23 year old daughter.

[Damian]

Okay, cool. Thank you.

[Shane]

Okay. Kelly was the one who was popular and very social and did different sports in high school. Kelly got a sports scholarship for college but soon dropped out of college after she failed multiple classes. She basically partied and did her sport and nothing else. Sarah went on to finish her degree and is doing well in life. Kelly has a jealousy issue and I have talked with her before about it. She is never happy when Sarah has an accomplishment. Today Sarah told us that she is going on a cruise for her vacation this year. Kelly always wanted to go on a cruise and couldn't afford it with her waiter job. In the car she blew up saying that Sarah was a loser in high school. So it isn't fair that she has all this now. She went on for a bit, when I had enough, I told her that life isn't like high school and if it was, she was the loser. Now. This started an argument and she called me a bitch.

[Angela]

Yeah, it feels like everybody's kind of wrong.

[Damian]

I don't know their dynamic. And I know, you know, you should never call your kid something like that. Cause it really could stick with them. But at the same time, you know, if you see them like not doing what they even wanted with their life and you know, putting down their sibling for, you know, doing all the quote unquote, right, things like, like, it's like you have to snap out of this complex. Like no matter how much you love someone, sometimes there is this aspect of like, hey, snap out of it. Like, I don't know what the right way to do it is, but if.

[Angela]

You'Re not telling someone who's having a lot of anxiety to calm down and you're like, how much is this helping? You know.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's also the context of a parent. Cause I'm like a friend. If you had a friend and your friend was like, yeah, well, you're the, you're the loser. Now it's like that's a different context. A parent calling their child a loser.

[Damian]

But it was the other child calling that other child a loser too.

[Shane]

Yeah, she was doing it.

[Damian]

It's not necessarily an eye for eye thing. And I don't know what it's like to be a parent. And like again, I've had some conversations that have stuck with me, you know, from parents and you know, I know my sister died. I feel like a lot of people do. And I still feel like overall my parents did a pretty damn good job. So one of those things can really stick with you. But if someone is really, like, in total burnout mode and they're calling someone else a loser. It's like, oh, is this what the thing is? Is this what's holding you back? Is that you still think you deserve these other things without working for it? Well, then here's the reality.

[Shane]

She does need a reality check. Yes. Right. Cause she's sitting there going, like, well, she doesn't deserve a good life. Cause she wasn't cool in high school.

[Damian]

Saying she's the loser now because she's a waiter is wrong. That is not cool. But it's like, yeah.

[Shane]

Cause it's like, I don't think that's fair to say. She's a loser. She's a loser because of how she's treating her sister.

[Angela]

That's what I think.

[Shane]

She's not a loser.

[Angela]

Trying to say.

[Shane]

But to say you're a loser now because of your job and your living situation isn't cool. But we don't have that context. She didn't say why. She's saying, you don't know why she's saying. I told her that if life isn't like. Isn't like high school, and if it was, she was the loser now.

[Angela]

I mean, that still could be because of her attitude. Being like, I'm mad when people get good things.

[Shane]

It's just. It's. I don't know. But it's definitely wild logic the sister is using of, like, it's like, you're 24 and you're still in high school. Like, it's been over six years. Like, you're in denial. Move on. Yeah, but the verdict was not the asshole.

[Angela]

Interesting.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean, it's also tough. I'm not a parent either. So it's like, I'm thinking of this from my perspective where I'm like, oh, I'm thinking about people I know who are like this.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I'm thinking more from a peer situation where I'm like, would I call them a loser? Yeah, but I'm like, it feels different from, like, when you're saying it to someone your own age. But if, like, you have a kid.

[Angela]

Yeah, there is.

[Shane]

And you call your kid a loser.

[Angela]

There's, like, inherently, from the big jump, there's a power dynamic with your parents, and there's like, a want for approval, I think, like, yeah, you calling me a loser versus, like, my parents. There is a level of like, oh, I let him down. And as my friend, you're just, like, identifying me being acting like a loser rather than, like, your parent being like, you lose. Like, that's rough.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm thinking. Sorry, go ahead.

[Damian]

I was just gonna say the only difference I see. Cause you are. I agree with you 100%. The only difference I see is specifically because she was saying, my sister doesn't deserve these things because no one liked her in high school. Meanwhile, the sister, like, did all the, you know, all these steps to earn the things that she has. And that's never a guarantee, but like, the fact that she is putting down her sister saying she does not deserve these things is what would. Maybe I'm not a parent, but would maybe make me go, like, okay, like, let's lock in. Loser's not the right word.

[Shane]

Yeah. I think it's the. How hard she's going on. Her daughter is not necessarily my problem. Like, I think she could say a lot of things in my eyes that I wouldn't have a problem with. Like, being like, hey, your attitude is embarrassing. Your jealousy's embarrassing. Like, the fact that you think you deserve something in life because of your high school experience is entitled and embarrassing. Like, I'm like, you are acting pathetic right now. Like, all those things. But just calling someone a loser for their life is just so. That's so deep. That's so rough. It's in one of those, in some of those ways that I'm like, as we go back to the earlier thing, I'm like, what result are you gonna get from that? Is that gonna just make it worse? Like, is she gonna hate her life even more? Cause what you want is for her to wake up and not think this way and not treat her sister horribly. But maybe it did work. I don't know. Several comments go back and forth with like, is it not the asshole or is it everyone sucks here? The big deciding factor is that Kelly is a 24 year old adult, but she is still a daughter. That's kind of where I'm getting hung up on. I don't know. Like I said, in most situations that I can think of in my personal life, this wouldn't be like a problem as much. But, you know, it's the parent child. Yeah.

[Angela]

The dynamic. Yeah.

[Shane]

One that. I don't know.

[Damian]

I would never talk to my cats like that.

[Shane]

No. Oh, well, I do.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Damian]

How did you get their number?

[Angela]

Oh, you're cats.

[Damian]

Yeah, it's just so.

[Shane]

Just always a little bit of a.

[Damian]

Goof back in the day, kind of bringing it back for the school episode.

[Shane]

Someone said, not the asshole. Kelly is obviously behaving like a complete brat. And I can only Imagine how frustrated you must be. But I can guarantee that Kelly is going to remember her mother calling her a loser for the rest of her life. That's the sort of thing you just don't forget. My siblings can call me a loser, and it's a water off a duck's back. Let my mom or dad say that and I would be devastated. Some things just hit differently coming from a parent.

[Angela]

It's so real.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's just a yeah.

[Angela]

My mom takes a deep breath at a weird time and it hits a different one.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Angela]

Like, it's. Like it's. It's just fan.

[Shane]

And already Kelly. What she's saying is awful. We know that Kelly is so insecure about herself in life. Exactly. Continuing that comment, there was probably a more constructive way for you to respond to Kelly. If I were you, I would definitely sit her down and have a conversation. Something expressing how you don't view her as a loser, but you worry about the way she views herself and the overt jealousy resentment she has towards her sister. Remind her that if she's so unhappy with her life, it's on her to fix it. And hating on her sister isn't going to solve anything. It's cheesy, but tell her that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Mainly, though, you just want to convey that you don't consider her a loser. Someone else said, everyone sucks here. I 100% agree with what you told your daughter, but you missed a huge opportunity to ask her what her plans are to improve her life today. It was a perfect opportunity to push her towards college tradebusiness ownership. We live in a time where college is not the only time path to success. Even though your daughter is an adult, as a parent, I hope you're pushing her to find a path that will allow her to fulfill her goals. Kelly, obviously is the asshole for her jealousy. Being stuck in high school and calling you a bitch. I agree with that.

[Damian]

Yeah, I would agree. It's also one of those things where, like, we get the luxury of reading it in the future. You know, that was not the right thing to call her. That was not the right way to do it. Yes, she should sit her down now. But, like, in that moment, like, letting it build up, like the kettle just starts to whistle a little bit and you're just like, no, no, my sister's a loser. Doesn't des. That's that moment of just like, hey, guess what? I'm angry now. And it's a bummer because I'm sure She probably would want to take it.

[Shane]

Back and do it. I feel like it's a caveat that we never really cover on this show of, like, calling someone an asshole doesn't mean that I'm like, you're a bad person. I'm like, oh, you're the asshole in this situation. But that just kind of means like, oh, like, it's kind of like you.

[Angela]

Have the right of way a little bit. Like, oh, you're being an asshole. Your morals and who you. You are at your core is asshole. That's not what we're saying when we say, am I the asshole? You're just being like, am I the one that did the mistake here? Cause, like, if you give. Yeah, like, there's am I the devil? And then we're like, okay, we're saying that you're a bad person. But then with like, am I the asshole? We are kind of just being like, yeah, maybe don't do that again.

[Damian]

Yeah, dick move.

[Shane]

There's so many situations where we've deemed someone the asshole, where I'm like, but I don't think you're a bad person by any means. No, I don't even think what you did is necessarily a bad thing.

[Angela]

I think, like, the saying of, am I the asshole in this situation?

[Shane]

Right, right.

[Damian]

It's like, yes, that Reddit name was taken.

[Angela]

If someone was wearing the hat in this scene, it's you.

[Shane]

Yeah, absolutely. Someone said, not the asshole. While it's never a good call to call your child a loser, you were using the word she used for her sister and in a conditional manner. So I'll give that a pass. I think it's probably closer to the truth that Sarah was never a loser. She was just playing a different game. She did what she was interested in, had close friends, and probably never wanted to be popular. Research has shown that siblings intentionally differentiate themselves from each other. I had five siblings, and we were all very different. My closest brother, only 14 months older, was on the chess club in high school. I could never beat him at home, so I never joined in this case. Since Kelly was older and liked sports. Sarah could never be as good as Kelly in sports, so she chose to focus on classwork. Kelly was a favorite with the coaches and Sarah with the teachers. That's really fascinating.

[Angela]

Yeah, no, maybe it's like early competitive vibes where there's, like, only two of you and you're like, you're kind of like stepping into your. Your first steps of being originality. And you're like, I remember when my brother Played guitar. I played piano. And when I picked up the guitar, it was like, no, this doesn't make sense. You can't play that too. And I thought that he thought that we all thought that. It was just like, no, we have our separate things.

[Shane]

That's true. I don't know why that's interesting. I also feel like another thing I'd like to add is in this world today that we live in, where everything is bullshit, I think it's like, no 24 year old is a loser for what they're doing. Like, you know, it's just so hard. Like, I'm in my 30s and I'm like, this is. It's okay if Even in your 30s you haven't figured it out, because it's just so fucking hard to find those paths nowadays that it's why she's a loser is cause she's being so toxic. Yeah.

[Damian]

Yeah. But I think they're like, it was in a different Reddit stories that I watched with y'. All. I think it was like, restaurant stories, but it was like, Tommy brought up the point. Or maybe it was chance. It was like, they're career waiters. Like, it's not a loser thing to be a waiter. Like, my sister, like, dropped out of school for a while, like, worked as a waiter, and then, like, came back to school to finish her degree, now has her master's degree, but was, like, working as a waiter for a lot of that time. And, like, it's a very viable way to do things. And now with the job market, we should be so lucky to be able to be a waiter, like, if you don't have a job. So, like, that is not the loser thing. It's her putting her sister down based off of a high school status, which is already, to borrow your word, bullshit.

[Shane]

And holding on to high school is embarrassing at a certain age. Like, it gets embarrassing. It's like, you gotta move on from that.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Damian]

Or you'll be the next carrot boy.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Boom.

[Damian]

And you don't do that.

[Shane]

And we're back. Okay, our next story. Another today, I messed up.

[Angela]

These are relatable to me more than any of the other categories. Well.

[Shane]

Cause you mess up all the time.

[Angela]

Fuck you. Not the, oh, I got booed out.

[Shane]

Of a dance circle. I get to say whatever else.

[Angela]

And you can.

[Damian]

Am I the asshole for saying my friend messes up when she really does? All the time.

[Shane]

I'm telling the truth.

[Angela]

You walked towards that Frisbee.

[Shane]

You walked into it today. I messed up by accidentally revealing my Reddit to one of my high school students. That's rough. That's rough. You cannot reveal that you're a Redditor. Embarrassing. During my second year at my current school, I, a 25 year old man, was teaching a cover letter. Normally during a cover lesson I'm a lot more relaxed since the work is usually simple and the kids know it's just. Trying to fill the hour, I got chatting with a couple of students about Reddit and talked about a post I'd made which I thought was a fairly ambiguous and buried and totally safe for work. Anyway, the students I was talking to were two lads, both around 14 or 15, and both pretty nice kids who I have a good relationship with. Little did I know one of them would go all super Sleuth and track down the post. It must have taken him ages since the post was at least four months old at this point and my username contained nothing related to anything I could be identified by. A couple of days later, I see one of the lads on the corridor and he says, what would you do if you were a girl for a day, sir? At first I have no idea what he's talking about, but then his smirk helps the horror melt into my brain. A day or two previous, I had rather immaturely answered that question on Ask Reddit with finger blast myself into oblivion. After a mad dash across the school to the staff room, which is the only place in the school that I get sick, my Reddit account was no more.

[Damian]

Dude.

[Shane]

So he was talking about a post he'd made on his Reddit account. Yeah, they went and found his Reddit account where you can not only see the posts you made, but all the replies, all the replies you do to everything else. And he had answered the question what would you do if you were a woman for a day? And he said, finger blast himself into oblivion. This is a teacher of teenage students.

[Damian]

That's. That's a huge mistake.

[Angela]

I don't wanna lie.

[Damian]

I also. I wanna.

[Shane]

I wanna.

[Damian]

You can laugh. It's.

[Angela]

I'm not laughing back here.

[Damian]

Oh, Art did do a good job with the set. You're right, we're looking at it. Finger blood into oblivion. What in the name of oblivion is that? I would finger blast myself to Morrowind. Sorry, nerds out there. When he said, like, yeah, little did I know this 15 year old would be super sleuth. Buddy, we live in a different age.

[Angela]

I can't imagine going to school in this day and age with digital footprints being that big, where you could find your teacher in a Second. And you could find anything they've ever done in a second. Could you imagine if we were teachers?

[Shane]

Oh, God.

[Angela]

They'd be able to find the most camp cringe shit of me.

[Shane]

I can't.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Angela]

What?

[Shane]

I just. I can't.

[Angela]

He can't. You can't. Like, it's just like, it is wild to live in a world where everything's online. So you could just find your teacher or your therapist or like, you could find anybody out there and be like, this is what you posted back then.

[Shane]

I almost feel like, though we've. We. It's so much for us. It's so much that we're kind of vulnerable. Like we can't be harmed because we've embarrassed ourselves in every kind of way. No, you're. Here's what I think is embarrassing about this. Over what we do.

[Damian]

What part of this is embarrassing, James.

[Shane]

Is that it was anonymous.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And then he had anonymously answered this question. He didn't say this publicly. He said this in private. And then they found, like that in the privacy of his home by himself.

[Angela]

He wrote, that's exactly the point.

[Shane]

And that's what's rough. It's different than if they found a video of him hanging out with his friends. And he said that.

[Angela]

And he was like, I don't know. When was 9, 11. And it was like he was on camera. He knew.

[Damian]

Let's do what he knows.

[Shane]

He did not know this.

[Angela]

Yeah, exactly. But like, this is. This is. I can't. I can't get over the finger of ostit.

[Shane]

It's a very funny answer for your.

[Angela]

Teacher to say, but like, yeah, what.

[Damian]

Do you do now? Because even though he's like, oh, I deleted the account, it's like, okay, well, the kid knows. Almost guarantee you he screenshotted it.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Angela]

Well, that's why I think we've talked about this before on episodes where we're like, gosh, are there HRS at school? Because, like, it's just such. It's like a walking HR violation. Like that one woman who found out that those boys were, like, watching her.

[Damian]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Angela]

And she was like, in the bathtub. Like, it's just. It's. It's weird.

[Shane]

I don't know how teachers can really have sex.

[Damian]

You call it the superintendent.

[Angela]

How do you do that?

[Shane]

Like, how do you get on.

[Angela]

Like, how do you honestly get on a dating app? Like, even if you, like, just anything online, like, how do you put yourself out there in a vulnerable. At all?

[Damian]

I think it's a Matter of, like, keeping those boundaries, you know? And it's hard too, because, like, I'm sure if you see your students every day, it's almost like seeing a co worker every day in a weird way. But it's not. So I was watching like the most recent Reddit stories that came out at the time of filming this, and there was the one with the teacher that was like, yeah, it turns out my husband's been cheating with this other person and multiple other people. He likes redheads. And now I have to tell all my students that, like, the man I love and have been gushing about, you know, why aren't I talking about him anymore? Why aren't his pictures up? And I have to tell them. I'm like, yeah, and that's awful. But like, maybe you shouldn't have any part of your personal life with your students in the first place. I don't. It's gotta be a hard line to walk.

[Shane]

That's a tough job.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Angela]

I had a lot of actor teachers. Like acting coaches.

[Shane]

Acting coaches?

[Angela]

No, but I just mean, like, I was in la. A lot of my math teachers were like, also actors. And like, I remember, like, our one teacher was like our son science teacher. Like, we. We saw an episode of like, CSI with her on there.

[Damian]

I was gonna say procedural.

[Angela]

Laughed at her so hard, like, let her. Like, we were like, where's Mrs. Blah blah blah in the episode of CSI?

[Shane]

Well, when you're a kid, it's also. When you're a kid, it's weird to see, like, your authority figures being human.

[Angela]

Yes. It's like that quote where it's like seeing a teacher outside is like seeing a dog on its hind legs.

[Shane]

Where it's like, I don't know, like, wait, you do things. It's weird.

[Damian]

I remember seeing a martial arts teacher. Cause I took a karate for like, most of my youth. I remember seeing one of those teachers at Blockbuster and I was just like. My brain was like, fried. I was like, I don't.

[Shane]

You're not in your gi.

[Damian]

Yeah, I think she actually was. I think she's kind of fun. First of all, it's so sweet.

[Angela]

Well then, very easy to sponsor.

[Shane]

Why aren't you renting a kung fu movie?

[Damian]

Yeah. I was like, this doesn't make sense.

[Shane]

Our final story comes from today. I messed up again today. I messed up by telling my kid to throat punch his bully at school.

[Angela]

So did it just like stumble out of your mouth?

[Damian]

It takes two.

[Angela]

Did you trip and say it?

[Shane]

I accidentally said it. Actual fuck up happened Yesterday at the dinner table after school after effects of my fuck up have me currently at the ER getting my son checked out for anaphylactic shock. Yesterday my.

[Damian]

He stuffed a shrimp down his throat.

[Shane]

Yeah, yesterday my kid came home and was obviously upset, so I asked him what was wrong. He's 8, so he still talks to me about this stuff. He proceeds to tell me that at lunch another kid in his class is bullying him about his peanut allergy, saying that he's faking his allergy and that he's gonna wipe some peanut butter on him to prove that he is faking. My kid says to him that he isn't faking and that he could die just from touching peanut butter. Another kid said he didn't care and that he wanted him to die. Anyway, at this point, my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunchroom monitor who both know about this allergy and they were able to intervene. Yesterday I had a long talk with my kid about doing the right thing and telling the teacher and not letting this other kid make him lash out. Then we talked about the hard part. Now I'm sure I'm gonna generate some hate with some people here with what I told him next. And that's fine. We are allowed to have differing opinions. But I'm not apologizing to anyone for teaching my kid to stand up and defend himself. After we talked about doing the right thing and doing everything you can to avoid a bad situation, I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself, and that should always be the absolute last resort. When he asked what I meant, I told him that kid, as long as the bully is only taunting him with words, then he should always walk away. But if he ever did try to put peanut butter on you, then you hit him as hard as you can with the side of your hand in the throat, kind of like a throat chop. Then you stop. Unless the bully keeps trying. Fast forward to this very afternoon and I get a call from the principal of the school saying that my son assaulted another student and needed to be picked up. I asked what happened and of course they won't talk about it over the phone, but I smiled a little bit because I already knew. I get to school and I see my kid sitting in the office, tears streaming down his face. So I walk in and the principal tries talking to me, but I blow right past her and ask my kid what he says the bully had peanut butter on his fingers and he was threatening to wipe it on his face. Then my kid said that he did what I told him to do and hit the kid in the throat because he wiped peanut butter on his arm. I looked at his arm that was pretty swollen up and asked him if he was having trouble breathing. Kid said he was fine, just a little shaky. At this point the principal interrupts with her Mr. So and so. We can't just have kids hitting other children just because they had a little peanut butter wiped on them. Kids do this kind of thing, we are gonna have to suspend him for a few days. It's obvious to me that principal is clue about the peanut allergy. So I cut her off and asked my kid if he told the bully to stop before he hit the other kid. He said yes. I yelled at him several times that I'm allergic to peanut butter and told him to stop and he just kept acting like he was gonna wipe it on me. Now the principal has a shocked look on her face. I asked to see the video from the cafeteria and sure as shit my kid can be seen and heard screaming and trying to back away from his bully. At the point where it looks like the bully grabs my kid's arm, my kid yells at the top of his little lungs, I told you to stop. Then he grabs the bully by the arm, pulls him towards himself and executes the best clothesline I've ever seen anyone do and floors this kid. Then my kid sits down and starts crying in the middle of the cafeteria. At this point, I told the principal that if my kid isn't allowed back at school tomorrow, I was consulting with a lawyer about the attempted murder of my son. I also said that assuming he didn't have any other ill effects from this, I would be fine not pressing charges against the school and the bully since it looks like he may have already learned his lesson. Since I didn't get a response and it's been about a half an hour since the peanut butter was wiped on my kid's arm. I picked him up and left to take him to the ER to get checked out. About 10 minutes ago I got a call from the school board superintendent saying that the school board has decided to let my kid come back to school tomorrow. Edit number one. Kid has a clean bill of health from the hospital. Swelling is starting to go down after some epinephrine. Edit number two Kid got cookies and cream, I think added number three. I have been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. We'll update afterwards. Did the principal and them just not review the footage? I guess they're not thinking to do that.

[Damian]

So you haven't been to public school, Shane?

[Shane]

I guess that's true. I went to elementary school and stuff. But wow. Like, just to, like, call him in and be like, yeah. And then he asked for the footage. Then they watch it, and then the.

[Angela]

Principal'S like, oh, they do like a football sidelines playback.

[Shane]

Yes, they do. 30 for 30.

[Damian]

There you can see the kids.

[Shane]

And then we saw the best clothesline we've ever seen in our lives. Holy moly, you got an arm on that kid. A scout from the NFL up there. Your kid's the real deal. He was the next linebacker.

[Damian]

The height difference was like. And you're like, that's Heisman right there.

[Angela]

I mean, this is loaded.

[Shane]

I mean, hey, the kid tried to murder him.

[Damian]

Yeah, that is. People talk about peanut allergies. Like, yeah, serious, be careful. But, like, if someone's doing that, that is attempted murder. And it doesn't matter if you're eight years old or, like, kids can really hurt other kids.

[Shane]

Totally.

[Damian]

If the teachers weren't doing anything about it, if he was screaming at the top of his lungs, like, you know, violence is a last resort. And I maybe wouldn't have personally been like, yeah, just punch his throat. That one specific spot that's kind of hard to reach. Like, it's. That's a specific way to be. Like, this is the one move, you know?

[Angela]

But like, oh, my God. It's like when Hamilton tells his kid, go do challenge him to a duel.

[Damian]

Ooh.

[Angela]

And then he challenges him to a duel.

[Shane]

And then, spoiler alert, if you have Hamilton spoilers.

[Damian]

If you haven't seen the show or history.

[Angela]

Sorry, you were saying?

[Damian]

No, I'm just saying, like, violence is not the answer generally, but, like, that is defending your life.

[Shane]

Right? A kid did say, like, I don't. I'm gonna. Kid basically threatened his life. Yeah.

[Angela]

Like, oh, I forgot about the kid that said, I wanna kill you.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like, yeah.

[Damian]

And he also told the kid, like, if you wipe it on me, I'm going to die. And he's like, nuh. And it doesn't matter at that point. It's like, if you release the arrow from the bow and arrow straight at my brain, I'm going to die. Nuh. Like, doesn't matter. You've gotta.

[Shane]

Another kid said he didn't care and that he wanted him to die anyways. Oh, my God.

[Angela]

If I hear that stage, you see I'm in the corner, a Frisbee comes flying out of the door, hits that kid right in the face. And I'm like.

[Shane]

Cause he brought up all the things before. He's like, you gotta talk. You gotta find all the ways not to have this happen, scream in life. Like, as a. I'm not a parent, but as a parent, I feel like you're setting your kid up for, like, how life works. It's like, in life, you can't just resort to violence or else you will end up in prison or, like, just sued or just horrible situations. Life is unfair and you have to play your cards right. And he's like, here's all these cards. And once your hand is out and then they're coming at you with peanut butter, the last move is the throat chop.

[Angela]

Do you think you tell your kid, just for sakes of conversation, just for the sake of conversation, do you think you tell your kid to run away or run to a teacher?

[Damian]

That's what he said firsthand.

[Shane]

He said that if you can get away, if, like, use your words, run away.

[Angela]

But if you can't get a teacher.

[Shane]

There, you absolutely can't. If you're in this situation, you gotta do this.

[Angela]

And so, And I'm not being like, he should have done that. I just am like, how much, like, is it? This is why I can't even imagine. Parenting is like, do you, like, instill fight or flight? Like, what is better is running away or is fight? Like, it's so layered.

[Shane]

And like, I think also realistically in life, there's situations where both are right. That's what's complicated. And it's just like with kids, you deal with situations that you just hope you don't deal with as much as an adult. But kids are vicious, and it is.

[Angela]

Good to show your kid that you could stand up for yourself. I think it's just a scary territory to get into.

[Damian]

It is because there isn't necessarily a right answer. And I think when it comes to consequences, fight usually has a lot more like, no one's gonna be like, well, he proved he was the stronger kid. You did it. Like, there's always gonna be something that comes with it. But when it comes to protecting your life or the lives of someone, you know, like, it's just.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's tough. It's a tough reality. Comments? 10 out of 10 response. Your kid's life was legit, in danger. That's the only way to defend himself after screaming and demanding to be left alone.

[Angela]

Yeah, he could've died.

[Shane]

No hate here. Personally, I would be proud of my son and probably reward him for d defeating himself. Personally, this kid is bullying Me at school, and he's just looking in the mirror.

[Damian]

Time to defeat my last enemy.

[Shane]

Myself, personally, I would be proud of my son and probably reward him for defending himself. Someone said, teacher here. I'm missing the part where you fucked up. OP left a comment saying, honestly, I'm proud of him. I just don't know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Not that I disagree with what he did. I just don't want that to be the point of this whole thing. Yeah, I agree with that. And it's like, you don't wanna teach. Like, that's how you solve things. Because all the worst people we know, that's their core belief. Right? It's like, oh, if I come into a roadblock, I hit people. It's like.

[Angela]

Or for your early processing brain to feel like it stopped when I did this. So I will do this when I ever feel that way, where it's like, you have to remember that kid's gotta learn or everyone's gotta learn that that was the last, like.

[Shane]

Right.

[Damian]

I think that's the way to do it. Like, you're not glorifying that you did it. It's just like, hey, I want to reaffirm that you did the right thing at that point because you tried everything else first. And I'm like, you know, my parents put me in karate as a kid so that I could learn how to defend myself. And that was kind of the point where it's like, hey, if you ever had to, you at least know in your mind that you maybe can and have a better shot at that than just being like, well, I don't know what to do, but it's for sure, for sure.

[Shane]

This is like one of those. It should be rare that it's like, it should come down to, like, you're in a corner and they are grabbing you and they have peanut butter.

[Angela]

I like that the teacher piped up in there and was like, I don't see a problem.

[Shane]

Someone replied to OP saying, you could phrase it something like, I saw the video footage of what happened. You were really brave, stood up to the bully and tried to resolve things peacefully. You only resorted to hitting him when it was absolutely necessary. And I'm proud of you for showing such restraint while you were saying, put the emphasis on the behavioral pattern of restraint rather than the actual fighting part. I agree with that. And I'd say praise him for being like, you hit him and then you stopped.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And that's what you're supposed to do like you stop as soon as the danger is gone.

[Damian]

I'd say maybe don't sit down and cry after you got to hit a pose of some kind.

[Shane]

Yeah, just like you gotta hit a taunt.

[Damian]

You gotta be like, huh? You surely don't think you can defeat me. Round two goes to Benji. Different voices.

[Shane]

And then you gotta be like, carrot boy.

[Damian]

That's hip hop.

[Angela]

And then you take the peanut butter and you go, I'm allergic.

[Damian]

I'll see you in hell, motherfucker. Which one of us breathes again first?

[Shane]

The kids on the ground. Just like, okay, update, update. Two days later just left the meeting, which wasn't with the school board as I was led to believe on the phone. It was with the principal and a legal representative from the school board. I had a lawyer with me prior to this meeting and we discussed what I wanted out of this meeting. My main concerns were making sure that there was a procedure in place to keep allergens away from my child, ensuring that this child has no ability to assault my child again. I also wanted to know how it was that this the principal wasn't informed or aware of my child's allergy prior to trying to tell me that he was gonna be suspended. Lawyers talked legal stuff for a little bit while I listened and the principal listened. Eventually, my turn to talk came and I Simply explained points 1 and 2 above. I also asked why the principal didn't take time to assess the whole situation. The explanation I got was that she was told by the monitor that it was almond butter, not peanut butter by the monitor. So she really didn't look further into it, which I can understand her position, but it doesn't make things any better from my perspective. So cut and dry stuff first. The bully child has been moved to a different school. Unfortunately, I don't have any legal recourse to find out which school he has been moved to and frankly, don't care. Cafeteria monitor has been fired. I didn't hear this at the meeting, but my son's teacher called last night after school and told me. I asked why and I was told that she was distracted by her phone when all of the commotion started. Which explains why this was allowed to progress in the first place. Based on the recommendation of a friend. Thanks Ax and many of you. Via private message, I requested and was accommodated with an allergy free table at our school and I'm being told every other school in the district will be implementing one as well, where children with known allergies will eat lunch at and anyone who eats with them will have their lunches inspected by a teacher and a monitor to ensure no allergens are present. Now, the weird stuff the kid probably did wipe almond butter on my son. The kid's parents found out through a mutual friend where we lived and showed up at my house last night. The bully kid was very apologetic to me and asked if he could apologize to my son, which I said yes, of course, to. I invited parents and son into the living room and this child started crying and said he didn't mean to hurt my son. My son started crying as well and said he didn't want to hit him and he apologized as well.

[Angela]

Aww.

[Shane]

Then the parents asked Bully Child to explain what happened. So apparently this kid likes peanut butter and almond butter and has almond butter on a sandwich and a little pack of peanut butter in his lunch for crackers. Bully child thought it would be funny to continue the tormenting from the previous day and said something about putting peanut butter on myself and put a little bit on his fingers to make him think it was peanut butter. Then he wiped them off afterwards and got some of the almond butter from his sandwich and that's what was on his hands when he grabbed my son's arms. I can only guess that there was a little peanut residue left on the bully's hands when he grabbed my son, which explains the subdued swelling reaction. I asked the kid if he knew what a peanut allergy actually does to a person, which to the other parents credit, they had actually made him read WebMD about it. And he explained the whole inability to breathe and some other things his mind grasped. So I took the opportunity to show this young man the EpiPen needle. We have one that we've had to use previously, just for show and tell purposes, that you have to stick a person with it in an anaphylactic shock scenario. Then I gave him the trainer unit and showed him where it goes and how to press the button. Yes, I told him it was the trainer unit, but I really thought hard about not telling him. I ultimately decided against that because that wouldn't make me any better than the bully kid in front of me. When the button activated, I think he jumped about 15ft in the air and he was obviously stuck. Parents apologized again, as did the bully kid. I told all of them I was satisfied that a lesson was learned here and I wouldn't be pursuing any additional charges against the kid or his parents. Yeah, I know you can roast me for it with downvotes. As the parents and Bully Kid are leaving. My son runs right past us and gives the bully a hug and tells him that he hopes he isn't in too much trouble.

[Angela]

I love this kid.

[Damian]

This is so sweet.

[Shane]

I was asked to sign a non disclosure agreement which I of course declared. I want my options open to me in case something like this happens again. Until then, I'm letting this die. Well, I think that's a great. I think once you have that pressing charges, like, I don't know, I guess I don't. This is a personal opinion, but in our country, like the desire to sue I think only has made things worse often. Sometimes it's justified, but most of the time it's like, what are you doing?

[Damian]

I've only seen situations that make sense. There was one recently where like an aunt like broke her arm because of like a 10 year old nephew and is suing the 10 year old nephew. And everyone's like, that's awful. The point was the insurance or the payments were so much that like because they had insurance, she had to sue so that insurance would pay her and not the family.

[Shane]

Like if you're in desperate need of money because of a situation, I guess. But like in this situation, I don't think but I mean this is best case scenario. I gotta say I'm shocked because typically you'd expect a bully to not have parents who are down for teaching a lesson. Usually it's like, oh, and we're gonna find out why you're a bully. But no, I would feel like my head goes to, oh shit. The parents.

[Angela]

Yeah, you never know.

[Shane]

Yeah, like that's what's so scary.

[Damian]

So they left my house and showed up. I'm like, that's not what I thought. Cause he also said now that every part of this he's been like, I know you guys are gonna be mad at me, but I taught my son self defense. And everyone's like, yeah. And then he's like, you know, hate me if you want, downvote me, but I'm not gonna sue the nice family. I'm like, what do you think?

[Shane]

Like, I think I know. He's like, now the weird stuff. They came over and the bully learned a lesson.

[Angela]

They hugged and I thought it was.

[Shane]

Kinda cool and everything worked out. It's like, that's weird.

[Damian]

We don't hug in my family.

[Angela]

Probably just them showing up.

[Shane]

But here's what I'm gonna end this episode with. That ended very sweet summer game. Not gonna end that way.

[Angela]

That's the truth.

[Shane]

It's gonna end with drama.

[Damian]

The superintendent from that last story didn't even show up to that meeting. I'm gonna be showing up and making sure y' all meet with some drama.

[Shane]

Hell, yeah. All right, thanks for watching. Check out Summer Games on the Pit and Games channels. It's going for another week. You gotta keep watching. All right, we'll see you next Saturday. Bye.

[Damian]

Happy birthday. If it's your birthday.