Walking Red Flags | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

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Smosh Reads Reddit Stories

Episode: Walking Red Flags | Reading Reddit Stories
Date: October 11, 2025
Host: Shane (Shayne Topp)
Guests: Angela, Trevor

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Overview

This episode of Smosh Reads Reddit Stories centers around the theme of "Red Flags" in relationships, friendships, and daily life. Shane leads the Smosh crew in reading and reacting to a curated selection of Reddit posts, each ripe with potential for hilarious commentary, empathetic insights, and a little chaos from the guests. The show’s signature format—raising physical red or green flags to signal approval/disapproval—adds interactive flare and running jokes throughout. Expect uproarious tangents, candid personal anecdotes, and a series of memorable "don't do this" moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. "Jalapeno Popper Gate" – Signs of Inconsideration

[01:50–11:15]

Story:
A woman cooks dinner for her boyfriend and makes eight jalapeno poppers. Her boyfriend eats all of them before she gets one, tells her “you didn’t say you wanted any,” and then says she’s “overreacting.” She wonders if this is a red flag.

Panel Reaction:

• Shane: “Green Flag. He likes your cooking. Red Flag. Everything else.” [03:08]
• Angela: Notes it’s worrisome that he “didn’t notice how much space he took up” [04:59]
• Trevor: Suggests it's inconsiderate but not automatically relationship-ending, unless it’s part of a larger pattern.

Memorable Quotes:

• Shane: “His reaction is what I really think is the red flag.” [06:31]
• Angela: “Guy who uses ‘splooge’ when talking about food. Red flag.” [06:26]
• Shane: “Telling someone they’re overreacting is a red flag. It almost always is.” [05:28]
• Shane: “If this is a pattern, that’s a pattern of not considering you.” [10:52]

Insights:

• It's less about the food and more about the boyfriend’s lack of awareness and dismissive response.
• Shane and Angela both emphasize the importance of small considerate actions and recognizing when repeated behavior signals deeper issues.

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2. Location Tracking & Projected Paranoia

[12:41–21:58]

Story:
A woman’s fiancé tracks her location obsessively, confronts her in the grocery store when she misses calls, and previously cheated on her. She wonders if this controlling behavior is a red flag, and if their relationship can be salvaged.

Panel Reaction:

• Immediate red flags from everyone. Trevor: “Location services is like the craziest litmus test for whether or not a person is just capable of being in a relationship.” [14:56]
• Shane: Points out the “accusatory” and “projecting” nature of the fiancé’s suspicion.
• Angela: Argues location-sharing is fine for safety between friends, but weaponizing it shows deep-seated trust issues.
• When it’s revealed the fiancé previously cheated, Shane: “That’s just the biggest thing, that trust. It just blows a freaking hole in the relationship.” [21:26]

Memorable Quotes:

• Angela: “I think OP knows what’s going on… it’s kind of one of the most obvious ones.” [20:59]
• Shane: “If you’re checking your partner’s location because you think they’re cheating, you’ve already lost the trust battle.” [16:46]

Insights:

• Extreme location-tracking—especially after infidelity—is a major red flag and typically signals projection.
• The group collectively advises OP to leave, emphasizing that repeated suspicion and lack of trust are rarely fixable.

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3. “Not Wife Material Because I Don’t Cook Like His Mom”

[22:00–28:51]

Story:
A woman is told she’s “not wife material” by her boyfriend because she doesn’t cook like his mom. He refuses to see anything wrong with the comparison.

Panel Reaction:

• Instant horror and mockery—Angela: “What is this, a story from the 80s?” [23:35]
• Shane ridicules men with entitled attitudes about cooking: “The inability for a man to cook blows my mind to be like, I’m not allowed to cook. Yeah, you have to cook.” [24:59]
• Trevor calls him a “loser” and the group universally agrees it’s a classic red flag.

Memorable Quotes:

• Trevor: “What a little dork. Oh my god, it pisses me off.” [24:23]
• Angela: “That one made me sick to my stomach.” [69:48]

Insights:

• Gendered expectations about cooking and household roles are red flags. The group scorns the “my mom did it this way” mentality, calling it sexist and outdated.

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4. “He Peed the Bed and Got Mad I Wanted to Clean It”

[29:04–38:48]

Story:
A woman discovers her boyfriend wet the bed on their new mattress; he wants to go back to sleep instead of cleaning it and says she’s overreacting.

Panel Reaction:

• Shane and Trevor are at first comedic—“As someone who pees on my bed... intentionally” [29:11]—but then roast the boyfriend for his lack of concern.
• Angela: “To not clean yourself or the area around your partner is pretty disrespectful.” [33:20]

Memorable Quotes:

• Shane: “If I peed the bed, I’d certainly be like, I’m not gonna— you’re sleeping in this.” [32:07]
• Trevor: “The first thing I’m doing is ripping the sheets off and getting as much pee soaked up as possible.” [32:16]

Insights:

• The actual “red flag” isn’t the accident—it's the boyfriend’s dismissiveness and irresponsibility.
• When he later apologizes and takes action (flowers, new mattress cover), the group accepts this as a decent resolution—provided he grows up.

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5. “Boyfriend Learning ASL for My Deaf Brother—Friends Say It’s Creepy”

[39:15–53:18]

Story:
A woman's boyfriend is learning American Sign Language to communicate with her deaf brother. Her friends, led by her male best friend, call it obsessed, manipulative, and creepy, urging her to break up.

Panel Reaction:

• Shane and Angela are immediately skeptical of the friends’ judgment.
• Angela: “Attacking him for just trying to connect with your brother is— I don’t get that at all.” [45:28]
• Trevor: “It doesn’t seem like it’s performative; he’s literally hanging out and learning to communicate.” [45:48]

Big Reveal & Update:

• The “friend” Mike was lying to sabotage the relationship out of jealousy—fabricating stories to seem closer to OP and making John look manipulative.
• Shane: “Mike was the red flag lurking through this green flag story.” [51:15]

Memorable Quotes:

• Shane: “Your friends are thieves of joy. A guy that likes you is going out of his way to learn how to communicate with your brother. That’s adorable.” [47:42]
• Angela: “90s straight cold sucks.” [51:58]

Insights:

• The act of learning ASL is the opposite of a red flag—it’s a massive green flag.
• Jealous friends, especially dishonest ones, are huge red flags; their interference was projection and manipulation.

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6. “Am I the Butt Face? Not Letting My Boyfriend Be a Hero During a Mugging”

[53:51–68:15]

Story:
A woman and her boyfriend are mugged at knifepoint. She calmly throws her wallet to distract the mugger and escapes, but her boyfriend is furious he “wasn’t allowed to be a hero.” His mom says she “emasculated” him.

Panel Reaction:

• Shane and Trevor point out the absurdity and danger of attempting to fight someone with a knife.
• Trevor: “Do people not comprehend that you can just get stabbed and die?” [57:09]
• Angela: Observes the gender dynamics, saying men can treat danger as an ego test, while women just want to survive.

Big Update:

• The boyfriend later apologizes to OP in private, but is caught spinning an entirely different, self-aggrandizing version to his friends and family.
• Upon confrontation, he admits to lying out of "embarrassment." OP ends the relationship.

Memorable Quotes:

• Shane: “He’s not afraid, but he showed he was stupid.” [67:51]
• Trevor: “Be safe and go on your merry way.” [68:47]

Insights:

• Hero fantasies and toxic masculinity can lead people to make not only dangerous choices, but also to prioritize ego over real safety.
• Lying to others about the story for personal pride is a glaring red flag.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On subtle red flags:
  • “Telling someone they’re overreacting is a red flag. It almost always is.” – Shane [05:28]
• On projection and trust:
  • “If you’re checking your partner’s location because you think they’re cheating, you’ve already lost the trust battle.” – Trevor [16:46]
• On entitlement:
  • “What a little dork.” – Trevor [24:23]
• On seeing through “nice guy” manipulation:
  • “Mike was the red flag lurking through this green flag story.” – Shane [51:15]
• On hero complexes:
  • “Do people not comprehend that you can just get stabbed and die?” – Trevor [57:09]
  • “He’s not feeling the threat of survival because he’s feeling— like, literally like...this could actually make me look good.” – Angela [59:48]
• On cleaning up your own mess (literally):
  • “To not clean yourself or the area around your partner is pretty disrespectful.” – Angela [33:20]

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Timestamps for Highlight Segments

• Appetizer Etiquette Boyfriend [01:50–11:15]
• Fiancé Location Obsession [12:41–21:58]
• Cooking Standards & Misogyny [22:00–28:51]
• Bedwetting & Responsibility [29:04–38:48]
• ASL, Boyfriend, and Jealous Friends [39:15–53:18]
• Hero Complex During Mugging [53:51–68:15]

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Tone, Language, & Show Energy

The hosts combine authentic vulnerability, rapid-fire jokes, and blunt advice. Signature Smosh banter punctuates every story—often taking surprising tangents (e.g., ceiling fan peeing, Outback Steakhouse shrimp mystique, and Mario-themed childhood bedwetting dreams). The show’s empathy balances its sarcasm, ensuring both entertaining and thoughtful reflections on relationship dynamics.

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Biggest Red Flags (Episode Wrap-Up)

• Partners who gaslight or diminish your feelings (e.g., “overreacting”)
• Obsessive, controlling, or projection behavior (location tracking after cheating)
• Entitled comparisons to parents (“not wife material” for not cooking like mom)
• Deflection and irresponsibility (refusing to clean up a mistake like bedwetting)
• Friends who sabotage your happiness (fabricating stories to undermine relationships)
• Hero fantasies that endanger others (trying to “fight” a mugger instead of deescalate)
• Expecting a partner to serve your ego at the expense of their safety

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Final Thoughts

The episode reinforces that red flags often appear in small dismissive comments, consistent patterns of selfishness, or in attempts to control narratives—both within relationships and from outside “friends.” It’s not just the acts themselves, but how people respond to being called out for them, that reveals character. And, as the Smosh crew illustrates (flags in hand), sometimes you need to laugh so you don’t cry.

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Listen for:

• Angela and Trevor's recurring flag bit
• Shane’s self-aware clapbacks and childhood stories
• Tangents about Outback Steakhouse, Mario, and defense against muggers
• Sincere advice wrapped in comedy gold
• Live example of how to spot (and dodge) red flags, online or off

Transcript

[Shane]

Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane. And today's theme, Vexology. No, I'm just kidding. Red flags.

[Angela]

Is that the study of flags?

[Shane]

Did I nail that? Did I get it completely wrong? Vexillology. Dang it.

[Angela]

Red flag when your boyfriend thinks vexology is vexillology.

[Shane]

Dude, up top. All right. I am joined by two massive red flags, Trevor and Angela. Angela, have you ever been in a Red Flags?

[Angela]

I've never. I'm excited.

[Shane]

You've been on Red Flags, A Red Flags episode on Too Hot Takes.

[Angela]

Yes. And I don't even think I picked up the flag. This is fun.

[Shane]

Does that say something about you in real life?

[Angela]

Do we pick up the flag?

[Shane]

You can pick up the flag here.

[Angela]

Oh, my God. Look at the flags. This is fun. This is gonna be fun.

[Shane]

All right, get ready.

[Trevor]

You didn't ask me if I'd done it before. I have.

[Shane]

You guys are both out.

[Angela]

Oh. Ready?

[Shane]

Okay. Ready? We ready? We ready?

[Angela]

I'm winning. Wow. Watch how fast I am. Do you mind if we do this for a little bit? You're doing it longer.

[Shane]

You're doing it before the shy guy. Trevor, thoughts on you were saying?

[Angela]

Do you like the red flag format?

[Shane]

Do you think you're good at catching red flags?

[Trevor]

Uh.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

Okay. Actually, no.

[Shane]

Oh, okay. That's it. I changed my mind. All right. Okay. Yeah, for sure.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Well, great. Let's get into these Red Flag stories. And as I'm reading them, feel free to lift up your green flag or red flag as you see fit.

[Angela]

Copy.

[Shane]

Okay, our first story. My boyfriend, who's 22, ate all the jalapeno poppers I made before I 21 year old woman even got one. This was posted yesterday as of right now and it was posted to Relationship Advice. Tonight, I, a 21 year old woman, cooked dinner for my boyfriend of almost 2 years, 22 year old man and me. I made a main dish and some jalapeno poppers as an appetizer. Eight total. I was really looking forward to them because I haven't had them in a while. We sat down to watch a movie and I was still getting settled and hadn't started eating yet. Over the next 15 minutes, he ate all eight of the poppers. When I went to grab one, the plate was completely empty. I didn't get a single one. I asked why he didn't leave me any and he said, you didn't say you wanted any. I was kind of surprised because I made the whole meal for both of Us. So I thought it was obvious they weren't just for him. He. He said, I'm overreacting because they're just snacks and he was hungry. I feel annoyed because, one, I took the time to make them, and two, it didn't even occur to him to leave me one, but now I'm wondering if I'm blowing this out of proportion or if this is a sign. He can be inconsiderate sometimes. Is this maybe a sign that he doesn't consider my feelings sometimes?

[Trevor]

Damn.

[Shane]

My initial thoughts. Green Flag. He likes your cooking.

[Angela]

Mm.

[Shane]

Red Flag. Everything else. Yeah, you don't eat all the. You don't eat all the. That's, like, just common etiquette with appetizers. You don't eat all the appetizers. You gotta leave one for. You gotta take your. Trevor, what are you thinking?

[Trevor]

You guys.

[Shane]

You guys are not doing this again.

[Angela]

Just try it. You fucking couldn't hold it. When did you. When did you.

[Shane]

When did you guys communicate that?

[Angela]

Write that down.

[Trevor]

He just looked right at me and.

[Shane]

Said, what do you think?

[Trevor]

He knew.

[Angela]

Damn it. He knew. I didn't just do it once.

[Trevor]

I feel like we did it.

[Shane]

I think your problem is you're trying to do this with Trevor. And he broke two.

[Angela]

I would never do it without Trevor. It's our bit.

[Trevor]

He just looked right. He knew we were doing it. He looked right at me and said, trevor, what do you think?

[Angela]

Yeah, okay. We have opinions about it.

[Shane]

I was wondering why you guys didn't raise the flags at all.

[Angela]

I was gonna be like, eh, I can go either way.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah. I was kind of fascinated. I'm like, oh, you guys are struggling with this one.

[Angela]

Pretty clean.

[Shane]

I'm like, this one's about appetizers, so I don't.

[Trevor]

And I'm sorry.

[Shane]

Next time we're gonna get him.

[Angela]

We're get him on the third time, and it's gonna be great.

[Trevor]

We gotta go a couple videos without doing it.

[Angela]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

You guys did it way too soon.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

But anyway, I was gonna agree. Green Flag likes her cooking.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

I mean, that shows.

[Shane]

Very nice. Very fun. A compliment.

[Trevor]

Clearly, it is an inconsiderate thing to do, but I don't think that it's like a big, like, whoa. Waving red flag. I think it's something you have a conversation about and you're like, hey, that didn't make me feel good. I would have liked it if you.

[Angela]

I don't know if I would like the conversation. Sure. But I think, like, not even him. Not even Knowing is like a little worrisome.

[Shane]

I'd be like, sorry, continue.

[Angela]

No, I just would be like a little like, you didn't notice how much space you just took up and you didn't leave room for me.

[Shane]

There's the added layer of like. It's not like you're at a restaurant and you ordered. It's like, dude, you ate all those. And it's like, oh, well, we'll just order more. Yeah, but she cooked this.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It sounds like he didn't even help. Eating all the poppers. A little bit of a. It's a red flag. A little bit, but there's still some innocence to that. Possibly. But she calls him out, she goes, dude, you ate all of them.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And his reaction is you're overreacting. Which telling someone they're overreacting is a red flag.

[Trevor]

100%.

[Shane]

It almost always is. Right. Like, I know there's situations in life where we overreact. That's possible. But he's not even stopping to think, think about what just happened. He's just jumping to it. And he says they're just snacks. That's diminishing what she just cooked or.

[Angela]

Just diminishing how she feels and how hard.

[Shane]

I've never made jalapeno poppers. Are they a generally easy thing to make, like, for the average person?

[Angela]

What's the pop?

[Trevor]

I don't know what a jalapeno popper is.

[Angela]

Trevor of mythical.

[Shane]

I thought it was a fried.

[Trevor]

I'm kidding. I know what they are.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Shane]

It's a cheese filled jalapeno. Fried.

[Trevor]

Fried, yeah. Usually you fry them or you can bake em, but yeah, it's like you kind of take like a cream cheese filling with stuff in it, put it inside a jalapeno.

[Angela]

And what makes it a popper?

[Trevor]

Well, the pop is the cheese. When you bite into the jalapeno, the cheese is popping in your mouth.

[Angela]

Got it, got it.

[Shane]

Splooging, but it's not nothing. Jalapeno splooger. Yeah, there you go.

[Angela]

Guy who uses splooge when talking about food. Red flag.

[Shane]

But it's not nothing. And it's. Yeah. I don't like his react. His reaction is what I really think is the red flag.

[Trevor]

Yeah, 100%.

[Shane]

I think like, go on.

[Trevor]

I was just gonna say I think you're right. The reaction, I think like, yeah, him eating all of it, it's inconsiderate and dumb. It's like a dumb thing to do. But the reaction and his response Is definitely what's like, woo, woo, woo.

[Angela]

It's like, haven't you been in those situations where you're sharing a dish with like a friend or a partner or something and someone kind of clearly is kind of dominating? But, like, I feel like just even a little like, sorry, I'm going to town on these. Makes me go like, oh, you're acknowledging that you're taking up more space than me. And this is a shared plate. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I just have. I need you to just be like, sorry I didn't eat today. Or like, just say that, you know, you're not taking up. You're not giving me the other half and I'm fine.

[Shane]

I one time at Outback Steakhouse ate all the shrimp scampi.

[Trevor]

Dude, it happens, man. We've all been there.

[Angela]

A shared scampi.

[Shane]

It was, it was. Sorry, it wasn't shrimp scampi. It was shrimp cocktail. This is like a very Outback steakhouse dish.

[Trevor]

Dude, you're, like, sour.

[Shane]

But it was just like six shrimp and it got, I think got brought. And I was like, oh, it's far less shrimp than I thought. So I think in my head I was like, this can't be all, like, prawns. Like, they're going to bring out, like the second part of this. So I kind of just like ate all six shrimp. And then like, my friend who had ordered it with me was like, what the. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Hold on.

[Trevor]

When in a restaurant.

[Shane]

Have you ever got second part? Second part steakhouse works in mysterious ways. We still don't know.

[Angela]

And then here's the blue.

[Shane]

I was 18. I didn't know how the world worked.

[Trevor]

Dude. I thought they were bringing out the second part, man.

[Shane]

It was many years ago. I'd never been to Outback. I didn't know how they did things down under, dude.

[Angela]

The shrimp said to be continued.

[Shane]

So I thought I had the air.

[Trevor]

Mish went to the it's wicked for good, man.

[Shane]

Come on. That's the funniest thing out there.

[Angela]

I like, I ate all the spaghetti, cuz I thought another spaghetti was coming.

[Trevor]

Look, man, that's so good.

[Shane]

I don't know what my logic was. That's all I can remember that I like, at least I said, I can't remember if I believed it or not.

[Angela]

You said it, though.

[Shane]

I said, oh, I felt bad. And I was like, look, I said, I'll order another one and I will pay for it.

[Trevor]

I'm sorry.

[Shane]

I'm gonna be like, dude, I thought.

[Trevor]

There was a second part coming in.

[Shane]

I'm so sorry.

[Angela]

Hey, waitress, I finished my prime rib. Is the second prime rib coming?

[Shane]

Is the other half?

[Angela]

Oh, God. You know, Maggiano's used to have this thing for a while.

[Shane]

I wish you were about to tell me that they do this thing. No, they're like, yeah, they do this thing where they bring a P for a while.

[Angela]

It's take a pasta, leave a pasta, order a pasta, and leave it. Take a pasta.

[Shane]

Oh, so it's so fucking crazy. No, but one's for home. Once for home. No, but you're saying. And you were saying the second one is coming.

[Angela]

You'd be like, I'll get the fettuccine and fuck it, we'll do the lasagna for tomorrow. It was so nice.

[Shane]

That's insane. Comments on this? It is implied. You wanted some. You cooked them. If you didn't want any, you would have said, go ahead and eat them. I made them for you. They're not my favorite. Or something like that. I'd call him out on this one, make sure he apologizes, truly apologizes. 4,000 upvotes. Someone said, it's not just that he ate them all, which is rude enough by itself. The actual problem, in my opinion, is that when you asked him about it, he turned it back around on you, Acted like it was your fault because you hadn't called dibs. Who does that for a shared meal? And said, you're overreacting. It's emotionally immature that he couldn't take accountability for a mistake as small as this. It illustrates his poor character, and that is what I dump him for. Damn. Someone said, I hate when people jump to break up with them, divorce them, et cetera, on Reddit, but I would break up with them over that. My ex husband was this way. And it never got better. He is selfish. He doesn't consider you, he's rude, and it won't change. You're young. Please don't make this mistake of wasting your life with someone who can't even do the most basic things, like sharing the food that you made. It sounds like a lot to jump to that, but it makes me wonder why this person, for something so trivial, is like, oh, he ate all the jalapeno poppers. You went to writing this out on Reddit to hear other people's opinions, and that makes me question what else is going on. Like, is this a pattern?

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Cause if this is a pattern, that's a pattern of not considering you. And then that reaction to being called out is just really not considering you. And it's like, hey, that type of behavior, if it isn't, if he's not aware of it and he doesn't feel bad about it, will continue to grow into other parts of your life.

[Angela]

Yeah. Oof. That. Yeah. No, that is, I think that's just like a by the book red flag.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. All right, moving on.

[Angela]

Part two.

[Trevor]

Dude, that one's gonna stick with me.

[Shane]

Part two. Yeah, that one's gonna really stick with me. Yeah. So now the second part of the Jalapeno Pop. Today's episode of Red Stories is brought to you by zocdoc. As we're getting closer to the end of the year, I've recently realized I haven't booked my yearly checkup. I am a little overdue, but that's not a problem, thanks to Zocdoc. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. So there's no reason to get sidetracked. With Zocdoc, you can book in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care. I've struggled in the past finding the right doctors that I like, but ZocDoc lets you filter for doctors who are highly rated by verified patients, are located nearby, and are a good fit for whatever medical need you may have. I was amazed at how streamlined it made it all. I had been putting off doctor's appointments for so long, I but I finally booked that yearly checkup and I'm about to do it here soon. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com PittReddit to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today. That's ZocDoc.com PittReddit ZocDoc.com PittReddit Back to the show. Our next story. This comes from relationship advice. Fiance, 33 year old man tracked my 33 year old woman location to do a pop up.

[Angela]

Huh?

[Shane]

Her fiance tracked her location to do a pop up.

[Trevor]

I was waving a red flag just.

[Shane]

Cause you know it's a man tracking location.

[Trevor]

It's a man.

[Shane]

Yeah, man. Obviously 33 year old man only bad red flag. Yeah. My 33 year old woman fiance, 33 year old man have been together for seven years and are set to get married in 2026. However, I'm starting to have serious doubts because I feel like issues are coming back up that I thought were already resolved. We share our locations and sometimes my location doesn't update on his end and vice versa and it looks like it's off. He's responded to this happening very unfavorably in the past and would jump to conclusions and think I'm out doing something malicious. We have talked at length about this and I've communicated how his reaction when that happens is not acceptable and he needs to assume best intent. Things in this area have been good, or so I thought. After work today, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few snacks. I was planning on just running in and out because I wanted to get home, so I kept my phone in my purse instead of directly in my hand. As I'm going through the aisles, I hear a voice say, hey. And to my surprise, it's my fiance. I was completely taken aback because I just was not expecting to see him, but I was happy to see him nonetheless. I quickly realized that this was not a random meeting. I could tell he was upset and he asked me why I wasn't answering his calls. I had no idea he had been calling as my phone was in my purse and I must have not heard it ring in the busy store. When I took out my phone to show him that it was in my bag and that was the reason I missed his calls. I saw that he had called and FaceTimed me 10 times. He said that my location was off, which I quickly showed him on my phone that it wasn't. Also, that made no sense because how else would he have known that I was at the store? He proceeded to silently follow me around the store as I finished getting my groceries and checked out. We awkwardly left separately in our two cars. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he did and feels it was justified because he thought something was going on due to the location being off and me missing his calls. I'm furious and feel like he had no right to act this way. It's completely unhealthy, controlling, and I don't deserve it. Has anyone experienced behavior like this with a partner? Was it something you were able to work through? If so. If not, how did you gain the courage to move on? Thanks for any encouraging words and hearing me vent. All right, that's.

[Trevor]

Yeah, it's location. Location services is like the craziest litmus test for, like, whether or not a person is just like, capable of being in a relationship.

[Angela]

No, it's like a new level of boundaries that didn't exist like five years ago. That is like Even with, like, friends, Like, I have so many friends like, that we all. I think it was just. Cause we were all single at the same time and we all, like, share each other's locations also just to like, find each other when going out and stuff. But, like, it's still pretty invasive when, like, I had a friend once be like, you want a hike?

[Shane]

That's.

[Angela]

And I, like, I was in the woods and it was like, getting to be kind of dark, but I was just like, don't look at my shit. And she was like, I was scrolling through my friend's locations and you were like, in like a lot of greenery. And I was like, is she dead in a pond?

[Trevor]

What?

[Angela]

And I was like, okay, go on Zillow or something. Like, I don't know.

[Trevor]

I could not imagine just being like, yeah, I was just scrolling all my friends locations. Like, that's crazy.

[Angela]

My friend has such a good intent about it. Like, she's just really sweet. But it is like, I didn't realize when giving her that, like, she didn't mean any harm by it, but I didn't. Like, it's just such a funny thing that now we can give away information so easily. And that's a boundary.

[Shane]

It's one of those weird. Yeah, it's a weird aspect to life, right? Cause it's like, I'm sure that there's tons of people who share locations and there's perfect intent behind it. That's not really the problem here. The problem is, like, his suspicion. His suspicion has me already being like, dude, are you cheating? Rejection. Cause like, that feels like that level of. He showed up going like, not like, oh, I thought you were in danger. He showed up being like, why are you here? Why are you here? What are you doing? Why are you picking up this felt like, not concern. This was an accusation.

[Trevor]

No, I mean, if you're checking your partner's location with just at all because you think that they're doing something like cheating, then you've already lost the trust battle. At that point, it's like, you're too far gone.

[Shane]

And I can relate to that trust being gone, where you're just like, where's my partner? What are they doing? And it's like, once you get there, you gotta really evaluate. Because if you can't move past that and you gotta ask yourself, what would it take for me to not feel this way anymore? And for a lot of people, it's like, oh, there's nothing. And it's like, then this is not gonna work. Even if Your partner's not doing anything wrong. Like, that is a hard thing to shake. His. If I was her friend, I'd be like, you gotta get out of this. Yeah.

[Angela]

I don't think people should do it. I know it's really convenient. A lot of roommates do it so they can know when someone's home or something. But I don't know if it's helpful all the time. It feels like just.

[Trevor]

I don't know.

[Shane]

I think it's a matter of you can have it as, like, a resource, but if you're checking it, like, regularly, you gotta ask yourself, why. Cause, like, I could see the value in it as, like, a safety thing.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But if you are not using it as a safety thing.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

If it is not a last resource, then it's like, then you gotta start.

[Angela]

I think about it all the time. When my car got stolen with the dogs in it, my phone was in there. And no one ever asked me to check in with any of my friends who had my location. We, like, had to get by my iPhone and everything when I was with the cops. But it was so funny that I was like, I could have called seven girlies.

[Shane]

Yeah. I really think, like, I can't knock it for, like, I know I can't. What it probably can offer in many situations.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

I feel like. I mean, Raven and I, we have ours on for each other. And it's, like, purely for logistical reasons. And honestly, it's kind of morbid. The reason that I put it on. Cause we're very communicative. Like, if I'm leaving work, I'm like, hey, I'm on my way home, or I'm going to this place. And I was like, what if I just, like, got in a car accident and, like, never made it home so that she would be able to find out where I was?

[Angela]

And, like, on first dates, people do. Is a safety thing. But then, I don't know. In a relationship that might not be communicating thoroughly, it could be used as a freaking gun.

[Shane]

And in this situation, it's like, this is weird, because he's clearly checking it all the time. And it's not coming from a place of safety. This is suspicion, and that is a problem.

[Trevor]

There's pretty much one time I never check Raven's location, except for if she's on her way home. And I'll be like, I wanted to do the dishes before she got back. I'll go check and be like, okay, she's 15 minutes away. I gotta stop playing video games. It's like my mom getting home and.

[Shane]

I hadn't done my chores.

[Trevor]

I'm like, I wanted to do the dishes or clean something, so I gotta go do it now.

[Shane]

Funny comments. Do not marry this man. 7,000 upvotes someone said. I can confirm the paranoia does not improve with time. It escalates. If you don't want to spend your life being treated like you can't be trusted having him looking over your shoulder at everything you do and every place you go and getting falsely accused of wrongdoing at every turn, this is the time to end things, someone else said. My question is, why does he feel the need to do this? Any issues in the relationship history of infidelity? I say this because you state issues that were resolved. So obviously there is more to this story. OP responded. Great question. I should have added a little more context. Sorry about that. There has been infidelity on his end, which almost ended us. Big surprise.

[Trevor]

Oh, my goodness.

[Shane]

We decided to go to counseling and work through it. The location tracking issues started around the time this was happening, which I later realized was him projecting his behavior onto me. Big surprise.

[Angela]

What do you mean?

[Shane]

He would blow up if he thought my location was off because he instantly went to the thought that I was doing something wrong when he was that I should have been worrying about. This recent situation is so upsetting because I thought we had made so much progress, and it feels like we're back at square one. I'm so like OP I feel so bad, but I think you are in denial as to what's happening. Like, he was doing this when he was doing another behavior, and now this behavior's back, which only points to another behavior. I think OP Knows what's going on.

[Angela]

You called it.

[Shane]

I think OP knows. It's just like, it's kind of one of the most obvious ones. Yeah, it's like, out of every sign of cheating, suspicion is usually, like, kind of one of the first. Cause it's like, why would that thought cross your mind? Oh, because you do it. So you're now thinking that's possible for your partner to do? Yeah. Like, I know if we had, like, a professional couples therapist, they'd probably say, like, there's ways that a couple can work through it. But like, man, infidelity, it's so hard to move past that because, like, that's just the biggest thing, that trust. It just blows off frigging hole in the. In the relationship. I mean, how I view it is like a new relationship has to start. Like, that relationship's over. You Kind of have to, like, be like, all right, we're done and now let's start brand new.

[Angela]

Oh, like, yeah, like metaphorically new.

[Shane]

Yes, kind of metaphorically, but I don't know. Anyways, red flag.

[Trevor]

I think maybe.

[Shane]

I think I'm gonna go with that. I think I'm gonna go with that.

[Trevor]

I think I'm leaning red flag there.

[Shane]

All right, our next story comes from. Am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? My boyfriend told me I'm not wife material because I don't cook like his mom. Trevor. Hey, the man knows what he wants. The man knows what he wants. Green flag from Trevor.

[Angela]

He sounds like an Italian boy. I hate the profile, but sounds Italian.

[Shane]

Italian flag. How much money do you want to bet that he's Italian?

[Angela]

He could be a handful of things.

[Shane]

It's true. It's true. It's that joke of like, oh, our culture. Our moms are crazy and our cooking is awesome. It's like, what culture are we talking about? So I, a 27 year old woman, was making dinner for my boyfriend, who's 29, last night. It wasn't anything fancy, just pasta with homemade sauce, salad, garlic bread. Halfway through the meal, he says, this is good, but you'll never be wife material until you can cook like my mom. I literally froze. I asked what that meant.

[Angela]

I knew it was sauce. I knew it was sauce.

[Shane]

I literally froze. I asked what he meant and he doubled down saying, well, she cooks everything from scratch. Three courses, homemade dessert. It's just different. I told him it was rude to compare me to his mom and that if he wanted her food, he should go eat at her place. Now he's mad, saying I, I overreacted and that he was just being honest about standards. I genuinely feel disrespected. Am I overreacting for thinking that was completely inappropriate to say to someone you supposedly love?

[Angela]

What is this, a story from the 80s? Is this, like, old?

[Shane]

They're not wifey material. I'm continuously shocked at how dudes actually are nowadays.

[Trevor]

You're not wifey material cause you don't.

[Shane]

Cook like my mommy and change my little poo poo diaper.

[Angela]

Ooh.

[Trevor]

What a fucking loser, dude. Oh, my God. After she, like, spends time homemade sauce. Not many people have time for homemade sauce these days. No, like, she's already doing so much for you.

[Shane]

She made homemade sauce? Yeah. Hardly anyone's doing that.

[Angela]

Nobody's making homemade sauce.

[Trevor]

Not when they got the Rao's.

[Shane]

They got the Rao's on the shelf.

[Angela]

Ever since they put The Rao's on the shelf.

[Shane]

They got the Rayos on the show. Wait, Trevor, no joke.

[Angela]

Ever since they put Rao's on the shelf, I sometimes will put that in a pot, doctor it up, and act like that's homemade sauce. Exactly. It's only, like, doctored it up.

[Shane]

You doctored it up. Nobody has to know.

[Angela]

Nobody's gotta know. Cause I added to it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

Oh, my God. What a little dork. Oh, my God. It pisses me off.

[Shane]

I'm always astounded at the entitlement of so many men when it comes to cooking. Of like, yeah, like, no, you need to cook for me.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm like, I've just never grasped that concept.

[Angela]

I will never forget my first ever Reddit story on this couch was when the guy. The woman was sick and he brought the cutting board to her bed.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Angela]

Because he didn't know how to cut the. And like, it's just. It's astounding to me that we could still gender cooking. I mean, it's.

[Shane]

Yeah, no, it's just like. It's just like the inability for a man to cook blows my mind to be like, I'm not allowed to cook. Yeah, you have to cook. It's like, hey, man, if you really want these three courses in homemade dessert, learn how to make it. You are allowed to do that.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Yeah. And I think, like, what made me think of, like, my family or just Italians is the idea of, like, a man going, well, our household will have what my household had. Does that make sense being like, well, we should have the food that came from, you know, like a fam. I don't know. But, like, your food doesn't have to be the family. It could be a combo of you and your wife or you and your partner.

[Shane]

Brand new thing, man. Like, sorry.

[Angela]

Just because you grew up with it doesn't mean. If anything, it's a massive red flag to think what you grew up with is what you should keep happy.

[Trevor]

Yeah, dude. No. Anytime I hear a story about a guy or someone where he says anything about how, like, oh, you don't do it like, my mom does it. It's like, okay, poopy pants, go home and live with your mom. Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

If you want everything to be done the way your mom does it, then go live with your mom.

[Shane]

You work. Yeah. There's no verdict. Cause this was a recent post.

[Angela]

But that's crazy. This was recent.

[Shane]

This is very recent. This is like modern day people comments. He showed what he thinks of you. A placeholder. You are not Wife material. I would pack my stuff and leave him to find someone just like his mom. This gives you the opportunity to find a real part who loves you for who you are. Not overreacting, but end this relationship now. Someone said, start calling him Oedipus and tell him he should go back to living with his mom because he's not ready for an adult relationship, which is supposed to be a partnership. And tell him he's welcome to cook everything from scratch if he wants. Tell him he's incredibly sexist to think that's your job. There's nothing stopping him from cooking like this if that's the kind of food he wants. And then after you pack your things to leave him on the way out the door, tell him to remember the year is 2025 and women have better things to do than wait on a man. Like, it's the 19th century that microwaves and meals shortcut and other modern conveniences were invented so women didn't have to spend a majority of their days slaving over a hot stove and keeping up a house. I'm guessing he expects you to do that too, and doing all the childcare like indentured domestic servants. Tell him to grow up and stop acting like a boy who needs to. And expects his partner to act like his mom and take care of him. What exactly does he do to take care of you? Right.

[Trevor]

Tips.

[Shane]

Fedola, m'.

[Trevor]

Lady.

[Shane]

Mum.

[Angela]

Wade. That was one fucking comment.

[Shane]

That was all one comment. I love when people go off and you can tell there is so much happiness.

[Angela]

You did a great job, by the way.

[Shane]

Thank you.

[Trevor]

That was outstanding.

[Shane]

3,000 upvotes their performance. Got something.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

Ah, deserved.

[Shane]

I mean, I can't disagree with them. I don't think she needs to say all that. I think she can just break up with him.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

She can break up with him and be like, don't ever say that to someone again. Yeah. Yeah. And if you expect someone to cook like your mom, be alone forever.

[Angela]

That's a weird way to say thank you. Goodbye.

[Shane]

Yeah. Truly. Yeah.

[Trevor]

No, I mean, yeah. I feel like all cooking is like an act of love. Literally. Even if, like, Raven just makes me instant ramen. I'm like, I appreciate that so much. Like, you went out of your way to do something.

[Angela]

I'm trying to think, like, what the flip is, like, how weird would it be if a girl was like, I don't know. You didn't protect me like my dad does. That's weird. You can cut that.

[Trevor]

You don't protect me like, my I don't know.

[Angela]

You didn't. He didn't help me with my car like my dad used to.

[Shane]

I will say we have read stories and there are the flip of like people, like, of a lot of girlfriends and women being like, oh, well, I expect you to do manly things like this.

[Angela]

And like, oh, no, you're so right.

[Shane]

There's a lot of this, like, it's traditional, but it's also like this skewed TikTok version of what is traditional roles. And it's completely just like a weird role thing.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And so, yeah, like the comment points out, like, people, like a lot of these men want like a traditional housewife, but their idea of what a traditional housewife even was is not even what it ever really was. They're living in a fictional world.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

She's like, oh, you didn't go to.

[Trevor]

The coal mine like my dad did?

[Shane]

Yeah, you gotta go to the coal mine better. Our next story. Am I the asshole boyfriend peed the bed and is mad at me for my response?

[Angela]

Depends on the response.

[Shane]

Yeah. What's happening here?

[Trevor]

As a bed wetter? We gotta hear the rest of the story.

[Shane]

As someone who pees into my bed. Yeah, Intentionally. As someone who pees onto my bed.

[Trevor]

Was something wrong with his form or.

[Shane]

Someone who straps myself to my ceiling fan and peace.

[Angela]

What the fuck, dude?

[Shane]

I'm just having.

[Trevor]

That's the natural progression.

[Angela]

Where'd you just go right now? Where'd you go? I had the visual. And I go, I had the visual.

[Shane]

God.

[Angela]

You both like, you both started talking about pissing on things and I lost the room.

[Shane]

My boyfriend, who's 27 and I, a woman, 23, just moved into a new house and bought a new mattress. Last night I woke up to a wet feeling under my arm and hand. My boyfriend was already up and in the bathroom. When he came back, I asked him if he spilled something in the bed or knew why it was wet. He told me that he thinks he peed the bed. I asked him again and said, wait, are you serious? And he said, I think I peed in my dream and peed in real life. We are both half awake at this point and I'm just surprised that he actually did wet the bed. I asked him to go grab stuff to clean it up, and he told me that it was fine. I asked him what he meant by that and he grabbed a towel, laid it on the wet spot and got back into bed to go to sleep. I pulled the covers off of him and told him that he needs to Go grab stuff to clean it up because I don't want it to get stained. It's a new mattress and we don't have a mattress cover for it yet. He told me that it was fine and I'm overreacting. That statement naturally pissed me off. And I told him I'm not going to sleep in his piss, and that's not fair to me. He told me he'd clean it in the morning and that it's not a big deal and doesn't warrant the reaction I have. That was not the solution I wanted. So I took all the sheets off the bed and threw them at him and told him to sleep on the couch. It was very irritating hearing him tell me that I'm overreacting because I asked him to clean up his pee in the bed we both slept in. He then knocked on the door 10 minutes later asking for a new blanket because the one I gave him smelled like pee.

[Angela]

That's actually, like, truly, like, a perfect sketch.

[Shane]

Yeah, unfortunately, that's. Can you give me another one?

[Angela]

This will sound like this.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry. You said it was fine, man. So am I the asshole for overreacting to my boyfriend not cleaning up the pee in the bed right away? Okay, so the issue was not that he peed the bed. The problem was how he reacted to peeing the bed, which was, it's fine, it's chill. Dude. Dude. What would.

[Trevor]

A grown person could pee the bed and be like, yeah, I'll just sleep in.

[Shane]

Raises so many more questions. Because, like, if I peed the bed, and I think any adult pees the bed, they'd wake up being like, oh, my God, I can't believe that happened. Like, that's not normal.

[Angela]

That's gotta get you out of sight.

[Shane]

I'd be like, damn. Like, oh, no. Should I go talk to a doctor or something? You know? But I would certainly be like, yeah, I'm not gonna. You're sleeping in this. Let's clean this up.

[Trevor]

Yeah. The first thing I'm doing is ripping the sheets off and getting as much pee soaked up as possible. This is gonna keep soaking in the mattress.

[Angela]

I can't sleep. Like, I think I've, like, the only time I've, like, I'm trying to relate to this in a way that's like, once I had, like, a cup of tea or something on my bedside. I don't remember what it was, and, like, I somehow it had, like, fallen over in the middle of the night, and I was so touched and I saw it on the ground and I was like, I'm doing this in the morning. And I kept sleeping. And I wonder if you're so deep in REM that you're like, I just can't imagine pissing on yourself and it not jolting you awake.

[Shane]

Well, he did wake. He did wake up. Cause she woke up and he was already in the bathroom.

[Angela]

I know, but for him to just be like, let's just put a towel on.

[Shane]

Just to be like, yeah, it's all good now.

[Trevor]

I spilled a glass of water one time. I, like, knocked it off my nightstand, and it, like, went onto, like, my side of the bed near my pillow and stuff, fully wet. And I was so tired, and I was like, it's not on Raven's side of the bed. Like, I'm just gonna sleep through. But it's water.

[Shane]

That's water.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Like, this is a whole other level of respect that is pretty. I mean, to, like, not clean yourself or clean the area around your partner is pretty disrespectful.

[Shane]

That's the problem. The verdict is advice needed, but leaning towards not the asshole comments. I've actually peed in my dream and peed in real life too. I woke up from it and I immediately cleaned it. So. No, you didn't overreact. Someone said, not the asshole. It's a new mattress too, girl. No, he should have immediately wanted to clean it up. What? Yeah, it's brand new mattress. Brand new. No, someone said it's the fact that he also didn't even wake you and just let you roll into the pee, not the asshole in any way. Oh, my God. That's also true.

[Angela]

She rolled into it organically.

[Shane]

Cause, yeah, he was already up and in the back.

[Trevor]

I hadn't thought of that. No.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Angela]

No, that now that's, like, very violating.

[Shane]

Well, he peed onto the bed and then just, like, didn't wake her up.

[Angela]

He couldn't do that.

[Shane]

Yeah, someone responded to that saying, exactly. I've never had the misfortune of sleeping next to a bedwetter, but if they didn't wake me immediately so I could avoid laying in their piss, they would be pissing in someone else's bed from there on out. The disrespect is mind boggling. Aw. Update. Okay, one day later. Oh, boy. What do we think happened based off of that?

[Angela]

I don't know. More pissed.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Trevor]

I didn't read he peed the couch.

[Shane]

I thought when he knocked on the door, he was gonna be like, I pissed on the couch.

[Trevor]

Sorry, I need a new couch.

[Shane]

This is all right. I need a new couch. I pissed on it's all good actually. It's all good. Sorry. Thank you guys for the quick replies. This was my first post on Reddit and I don't use it very much. But after he left for work today, I really couldn't get the situation off my mind. I thought I'd see what y' all had to say. I'll address a few comments from the first post. First off, I wish it was fake, but I really did wake up yesterday to piss in the bed and ended it arguing with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have only lived together in small stints here and there before, but this is the first time we have our own house just to us. No, he doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem, diabetes, take meds, and wasn't drinking that night. He just worked an overnight shift the previous night and he was pretty tired. He's never done this before since we've been together, so that's why I didn't believe him at first. And we don't have a lot of money right now, so we got a mattress from Walmart for $300. For those of you bashing that detail lol. We both ended up cleaning the pee After I threw the sheets and blankets at him. I took the bed because our couch isn't big and I really couldn't be bothered to move to the couch when I felt like I did nothing wrong. I was tired and wasn't thinking that part through entirely. Also, he is not a horrible abusive boyfriend, has a fetish, et cetera, like some of the comments have said. And I didn't throw him out of the house. He was truly half awake and was just not responsive the way he needed to be after peeing in our bed.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Shane]

Anyways, he got back from work today with flowers and my favorite ice cream. He told me he was thinking about what happened last night all day, and that he was sorry. He apologized for dismissing me and that he was disrespectful. I told him that the only issue I had with the situation was him telling me I was overreacting for me wanting him to clean up the pee at that time, that it wasn't fair to me to expect me to be okay sleeping in his pee. Let me be clear. I understand accidents happen, but to sit there and tell me my response to needing it clean ASAP is unwarranted is insane. I appreciated the gesture and I did read what you guys said. He doesn't have any underlying trauma or alcoholic issues. He just peed the bed by accident. I wasn't shaming him for peeing the bed. I was mad at his response. I'm trying to be understanding in that he was tired and wanting to go back to bed, but at the same time, this affects both of us. I just needed him to be responsible and acknowledge that what I said was valid and he needs to grow up. He did order a mattress cover that will be here tomorrow. So until that's on the mattress, I don't want him in the bed with me. I think making him sleep with those sheets and blankets did jolt him awake to realizing the gravity of the situation. I'm still a bit hurt from how he handled the situation selfishly and was inconsiderate, but he seems pretty remorseful, so we'll see how we both feel later. That's it for now. Thank you guys for your advice. All right. It's probably about as good as could have gone. Yeah, he did, like, he apologized, acknowledged it. Acknowledged what was wrong.

[Angela]

I like that he. Yeah, I like that he thought about it all day and messed up.

[Shane]

Like, yeah, him pulling an all nighter and then going to bed, that now makes sense. Like, extreme sleep deprivation could cause this.

[Angela]

Yeah. And, like, that's why I was kind of go back to, like, the time I, like, made a mess or just, like, spilled the tea is like. I remember being so deeply in rem going, I cannot stop sleeping.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Like, so maybe, but like, but when this is somebody else's body, too, that you're taking, that you're sleeping.

[Shane]

Yeah, it does remind me. I remember. I can't remember. I was a kid, obviously.

[Trevor]

Obviously. Obviously.

[Shane]

Obviously. I was a kid.

[Trevor]

I was a kid. I was a kid.

[Angela]

Obviously. I would never.

[Shane]

I distinctly remember a time when I was a kid where I had a dream where I was just truly in front of the toilet and I was just peeing. And then I woke up in bed.

[Trevor]

You woke up and you were in the ceiling Chat.

[Shane]

You know what, do you have some, like, old dreams that are so vivid in your head, but like, most dreams, I don't remember.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Cause I remember this is such a weird fucking thing that I distinctly remember going to the bathroom in my dream and opening up the toilet and peeing, and then suddenly it turns to toad from Mario and then just water everywhere. And there was just toad there. And I woke up in my bed, and I had peed the bed. I was just like, what the hell was that?

[Angela]

You guys played too many video games.

[Shane]

I was playing a lot of Mario. Yeah, that's so funny. But that happened to me. Our next story comes from relationship advice. The guy 22 year old man that I 21 year old woman am dating is learning ASL for my brother but my friends think it's creepy. How do I proceed with this? Okay, so her boyfriend or the guy that she's dating is learning sign language for her brother.

[Angela]

Yes, we could sign with her brother.

[Shane]

But her friends think it's creepy. All right. Mind you, they're 21. 22. I 21 year old woman met John 22 year old man in a college class last semester. He's an overall great guy and he's very respectful and kind. He also has a great sense of humor and we have lots of similar interests. We've been friends since then and we started dating this July. He's the first person I've ever dated in my life. Last September, he met my family when I visited home for my brother's birthday. My brother Trev, 19 male Trev, 19. My brother Trev has been deaf since birth, so my whole family communicates with him either through sign language, Trev's lip reading, but we still just sign as reflex or through text. During our small celebration at home, it was clear that my parents liked John. He was very charming, funny and respectful. He even tried to connect with Trev by typing some of his jokes for Trev to read. Although my brother could lip read as well. Whenever John would tell a story, either I or my parents would sign for Trev. My parents said that they're happy that I found a sweet and caring guy. And John of course. I'm glad to hear this. Before we went back, John and Trev had a quick Call of Duty gaming session. For someone with Trev's condition, he is a really talkative guy. Lol. He's very expressive and likes to communicate a lot, especially when gaming. Of course he couldn't outright trash talk, but he does the closest thing with his hands. So there we were in Trev's room with John and Trev playing. While I was translating for them, I was laughing way too hard because Trev was trying his best to trash talk John. Like saying he's weak and trying to say all these expletives. But I'm trying my best to tone it down for John. Meanwhile, I'm also translating John's instructions and strategies for Trev. Also, because this was the first time John met my family, he was saying all these praises to Trev like good job or we can do it better next time. Although I know that deep inside he also wants to trash talk my brother. The two of them got along pretty well and they've been having some online gaming sessions since then. Two weeks ago, John visited home along with me again for my mom's birthday. There he surprised everyone, including me, by communicating with Trev through asl. John was still at the Alphabet, some basic words and some rehearsed phrases, but we were all delighted that he even made the effort. Trev's face lit up and I've never seen him happier having a new long term friend with low communication barriers. Apparently John had been watching some YouTube tutorials and got a free subscription to Skillshare to learn ASL. The two of them had a gaming session again and this time John and Trev could communicate more directly. Of course, it was still kind of slow and I still had to do some translating. Imagine trying to baby talk a grown man or talking to a caveman with choppy sentences. Lol. But I could tell Trev was having a great time. They also got more comfortable with each other with more explicit trash talking, which I didn't tone down this time. John had been religiously learning ASL since then and he's making a lot of progress. I was so happy with this, so I told my close friend group from high school. However, most of my friends, especially my closest guy friend, told me that what John was doing was a red flag because it could be a form of obsession and emotional manipulation. He also said it was creepy because John's becoming too attached to my family when we've only been dating about five months. He also said that John might only be doing it so he could get laid or something. I know there's some validity to what my friend said, but I'm not really convinced. John has been a wonderful and sincere guy the entire time, and I know it's naive to say this because he's my first ever relationship, but I can see this becoming long term. Yes, we haven't hooked up yet because I told him I wasn't ready yet and he never pressured me to do it. However, is his behavior something I should really be concerned about? Again, I don't have any experience with dating and relationships, so I don't know if this is something that's truly concerning. My friends are pushing for me to break up with John, but I'm not sure how do I proceed with this. Oh my God. Okay, I think now we don't know these people, so based on just this, this is like a red flag for the friends, where I'm like, your friends are saying things that are concerning. The only. Okay, I'm gonna go for every possibility that my brain is filling in here. The only justification I have for the friends is if they see other aspects of John that they find concerning and they're not being honest with OP about that and they're coming up with an excuse.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Another thought I have is she's saying, especially her closest guy friend.

[Angela]

That's what I was saying.

[Shane]

And he is going, no, I don't like this gu. Because this and this and this. And I'm like, is your closest guy friend into you? Cause that could also be a thing. That is sometimes a thing. And then lastly, I'm just like, this just sounds dumb. Or I don't know. Or OP Is leaving a lot out.

[Angela]

I know that when you're not in the relationship and. Or in the family hearing about any of it, I think with a judgmental eye, you could be like, I don't know. That's kind of fat.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Angela]

And you never know. Like, I had a friend in college, like, my best friend. She, like, she got engaged pretty fast and. Or. But before they got engaged, like, her partner that I saw her meet, like, met her family. And I remember being like, that's so fast. And I remember, like, kind of judging. But, like, you're not in the relationship and you're not in the family.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Like, I think it makes sense to just be like. Like, don't go too fast. But this feels like good intentions all around. He's not. Feels like John isn't, like. That's his name. Right.

[Shane]

Yeah. John is.

[Angela]

Feels like John isn't trying to do that with an ulterior motive. I could understand, like, being, like, slow down when someone's, like, moving in too fast. Sure. Or asking for money or, I don't know, thinking of anything else. That isn't the most purest form of just wanting to connect, which is what John's doing.

[Shane]

The way they're going about this relationship is very different from how I always viewed going into relationships, where it's like, oh, well, we haven't hooked up yet. We're not even, like, boyfriend, girlfriend. But I've introduced him to my family, and we're hanging out with the family.

[Angela]

Some people are that way, and I.

[Shane]

Know some people are that way. It's just. It's all very different from how I view things. So I'm, like, trying to, like, piece it together. But the friends are thinking that the learning sign language is the part is a Step too far. And I find that interesting. Cause I'm like, well, your brother's also, like, 19.

[Angela]

I have to.

[Shane]

Your brother's an adult.

[Angela]

I'd save it for op. If I was their friend, I'd be like, I think it's like, if they really thought that, be like, I think it's too soon to bring him home. But attacking him for just trying to connect with your brother is.

[Shane]

I don't get that at all. No, it doesn't. That aspect doesn't make any sense.

[Angela]

It gives me a green flag.

[Shane]

It is a huge green flag.

[Trevor]

No. And I feel like it doesn't seem like it's performative. You know, it's not like he's just like, oh, showing. Learning sign language. But he's literally playing video games with him online. Like, he's just spending his free time hanging out with him.

[Shane]

He might just be. And be really nice guy who would do this. Even if Trev was just some guy that he met. There are people who are that nice. And I think it's hard for some people to comprehend people that are that.

[Angela]

Nice or that nice that fast.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

So I understand friends just being like, be careful, or whatever, but like, to attach it on the learning ASL part. I don't understand.

[Shane]

Yeah. I am laughing at the thought of him. He's getting destroyed by her brother in Call of Duty, and he's really like, I need to learn sign language so I can start talking some. I need to offend her brother. I need to. I'm sorry. No. This was not a nice thing. I need to really learn how to make him mad.

[Angela]

He's like, I'm not doing this to manipulate you or him. I just need to, like, talk shit.

[Shane]

Yeah, absolutely. Comments. Your friends are thieves of joy. A guy that likes you is going out of his way to learn how to communicate with your brother. That's adorable. Don't let your friends shit on it. 26,000 upvotes. Someone said, if OP's friends are genuinely concerned, then I feel bad for them that they think someone being so enthusiastic about a relationship is a red flag. Someone said, this guy could get laid with a lot less effort than it takes to learn asl. He has enough interest in you that he has gone out of his way to learn how to communicate with a member of your immediate family. Even your friends just wave at your brother. But this guy took it upon himself to learn ASL after meeting your family once. I personally think it's awesome. Ooh. That's another interesting point that the. It is pointing out the lack of effort in her friends, that they all probably know her brother and hang out with her brother, and none of them have learned anything. And that it could be like, that's really creepy.

[Angela]

I can't believe we never thought about that.

[Shane]

This is a very vulnerable thing to say, but I wonder if other people relate where. When you're in a situation where someone does a really kind thing, it's like you have the thought of a fuck, I should have thought of it. And you're just like, damn, I feel bad about myself by proxy. But it's like. But don't go into shaming them for that. All you can do is be like, you know what? That's a great idea that they learned that I should do that too. Take it as a. Like, oh, they took the initiative. I can follow the charge. Yeah.

[Trevor]

I mean, the only other thing I can think of is these are kids in their early 20s, whatever. Maybe she's someone that was partying, going out all the time, and she met this really awesome guy who she's spending time with and really seems to like. And they're like a B. This is coming out of a place where they're like, oh, we're losing her to this guy. Or she doesn't want to party that much, or B is crazy.

[Angela]

And that does happen. It being OP's first relationship, I understand friends being like, go slow. It's fun. And it could be really fat. Fun and fast.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

But this is just about him connecting with her brother.

[Trevor]

She's just doing a really cool thing.

[Shane]

Yeah. At face value, this is just really cool. And he seems like a great guy, but let's see if there's more.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Shane]

Because we have an update. The day after the party, I had lunch with my closest girlfriend, Sophie, who's 21, to clear the air, because I could tell that they could also sense something was off. A lot of Redditors speculated that Mike had a crush on me and was jealous of my relationship with John. Turns out you're all 1000% correct, but it's a lot more complicated than that. Apparently, Mike has had a crush on me since our senior year of high school. However, he's known in our school as a notorious ladies man and had a new girl with him almost every month. This got exponentially worse during college. He had different hookups almost every night, and he had even had a pregnancy scare with a girl last year. I knew about all of this because he bragged about sleeping around every time we met up. What I didn't know was that the entire time Mike has been making up fake stories about me and him. Sophie told me that apparently Mike and I had a pact that if we were both single when we were 30, we'd marry each other. Also, he told our friend group that we hooked up after graduation and that he took my virginity then, so he's my special person, whatever that means. He also told them that we'd been secretly hooking up consistently throughout college. For context, Mike and I go to different universities that are just 30 minutes apart. Lastly, Mike told them that I said I'm in love with him. He told our friends not to tell me anything so I don't get embarrassed or upset, since I have this image of being somewhat of a prude. Mike also told our friend group that when he met John, he thought that John was a total who has been manipulating me and taking advantage of my innocence and naivete. He said that John had been forcing himself into my family and is driving a wedge between me and my friends. Mike also said that after he had lunch with me and John, he tried to convince me to stay away from John because he's not a good influence on me. But John had effectively brainwashed me. This explains why my friend group was already so antagonistic toward John when I told them about him. For the record, none of what Mike said was true. There was no pact. We never hooked up, and I have never been in love with him. After that, Sophie and I asked the rest of our friend group except Mike to jump on a FaceTime call with us. They all shared different versions of what Mike told them. There were a lot more, but I disputed everything. We were all collectively shocked about everything that we learned that day. They apologized for their behavior toward me and John, and I told them I understand, given all the lies fed to them by Mike. Then everyone agreed to kick Mike off of the friend group. Wow. So Mike was a monster.

[Angela]

Whoa. Mike was making a lot of shit up.

[Shane]

Mike was the red flag lurking through this green flag story.

[Angela]

Mike was quite the Shonda Rhimes.

[Trevor]

Yeah, I don't understand how delusional you have to be to think that you can just do that and lie that much and that it's just all gonna be good.

[Shane]

It's all actually chill, though.

[Trevor]

Can we have a different ending? Can we ever do it anywhere? It's like, oh, it turns out the guy was super shitty and manipulative. I.

[Shane]

It's.

[Trevor]

Unfortunately, it's just always the case.

[Angela]

So he was. Wow, you fucking caught it, dude.

[Shane]

It's it. That's just once again, like that's just some Reddit Reddit patterns that like, oh, male best friend who doesn't is saying some shit about my guy I'm dating. It's just like.

[Angela]

90S straight cold sucks.

[Shane]

And well, you know what sucks is it's not always the case because I have so many of my good friends are women and I've been their friends for like over a decade and I'm like, that is purely a platonic friendship.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But you see it so much. You do.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because so many dudes are just incapable of viewing women as just friends. Like, it's unfortunate.

[Trevor]

Very unfortunate.

[Angela]

Wow. So. Wow. So the male best friend was.

[Shane]

They were the ones being like, creepy. It's weird. And it was that they were into.

[Angela]

Her and all this guy wanted to do was just connect to his girlfriend's brother.

[Shane]

It's probably. Listen, this is what's probably tough for that male best friend is that John sounds like he's a fucking incredible dude. And this best friend's probably just like, fuck, dude, holy shit. She's dating a guy she's going to be in a long term relationship with and he's like, fuck, I'm losing my opportunity.

[Angela]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Doesn't justify what he's doing. He's being a shithead, but it's pretty insane. I'm so glad we found this update because, man, that is the biggest red flag in this whole story and it's one we didn't even expect to happen.

[Angela]

Let John learn asl.

[Shane]

Holy crap.

[Trevor]

Thank you. And I've been saying that.

[Angela]

Oh God. Yes.

[Shane]

Thank God she caught this.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And that they all caught this. And he's out. Yeah, he's out of the friend group.

[Angela]

Lying and saying that he stole her virginity.

[Shane]

That's horrible.

[Trevor]

That's. That is a crazy lie to just tell casually.

[Angela]

That is bad.

[Shane]

You know what? And that's bad.

[Angela]

But I did the sign.

[Shane]

Oh, way to go. Well, wow.

[Angela]

Bad mic, Mike.

[Shane]

We're not having it Mike's way today.

[Trevor]

Hey.

[Shane]

Hey.

[Trevor]

That was not a Magic Mike.

[Shane]

No, it was not. No, no. Okay, it's time for our final story. This comes from. Am I the butt face? Just another. Am I the ass?

[Angela]

Is this a Christian? Am I the ass?

[Shane]

Oh, no, it's just another one, dude.

[Trevor]

Am I the heckin loser?

[Angela]

H e double hockey sticks.

[Shane]

All right. Am I the butt face for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at knifepoint? Whoa. There was another story we read where the boyfriend ran away when a girl was Getting mugged. Oh my God.

[Trevor]

I was in that one.

[Shane]

And it was rough. We felt horrible. Cause his instincts were to flee, but he fled and left his girlfriend alone. He left his girlfriend and her brother. Luckily, she had her brother with her and her brother protected her.

[Trevor]

It was like an animal instinct. So you could tell this guy was just like his base, the animal in him.

[Shane]

And I'm just like, I feel so sorry for that guy.

[Angela]

Unfortunately, when people when they flight instead of fight, I laugh so hard. It's so funny.

[Shane]

My boyfriend is a big hero fanatic and does everything in his power to be like one. It's really endearing and it's one of the many things I love about him because he wants to be the good he wishes to see in the world. But this mindset he has is why we are fighting right now. We've been quarantined at my apartment. He's not on the lease. This is in 2020. And he suggested we go on a night walk. Since we've been getting stir crazy from being inside all day, he figured that it'd be better for social distancing to go out at night. I was hesitant because we live in a bad neighborhood, but he assured me he'd protect me. On our walk, we were cornered by a man with a knife that demanded our wallets. I remember John Mulaney's Street Smarts, bought from the Netflix show and was going to throw my wallet past the mugger so we could run away. But my boyfriend started arguing with him and was spouting off a bunch of stuff about justice and how the mugger wouldn't get away with this. It looked like he was getting ready to fight. I was taken aback by this, and I guess the mugger was too, because it gave me enough time to take the important stuff out of my wallet while he was distracted. I interrupted my boyfriend's monologue and said, take it, just don't hurt us, and threw it behind the guy. When he turned, I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and we booked it back to the apartment. We got home safely and I was relieved that we were okay. But my boyfriend was fuming. He was pissed that I interrupted him from protecting me when he could have, in his words, clearly handled it himself. I told him he could have gotten himself killed. He said that he was obviously stronger than the mugger and he would have won. I explained to him that the guy had a weapon and my boyfriend did, so the odds were stacked against him. Not only that, but I didn't want my boyfriend to get killed over a damn wallet. We argued for longer than necessary, so I shut it down and told him we could talk about it when our adrenaline wasn't so high. But I needed to file a police report while the event was fresh. He stomped off to our room while I called the cops. When I was off the phone, I went to lay with him, but he rolled away from me the next day. He was still angry and had already told his friends and family about what had happened to us. I thought they would be understanding about how I handled it, but they were mad at me for not letting him have his opportunity to be a hero. His mom even ridiculed me for emasculating him. I want to reopen the conversation so we can understand each other and move past it. But if he isn't receptive, I'm going to ask him to move back in with his mom. I want to understand where I went wrong, if I went wrong. But honestly, I feel like he's being childish and unreasonable. I just want to know, am I the butt face or is he. Oh, my God.

[Trevor]

Do people not comprehend that you can just get stabbed and die?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

Like, how is everyone? Like, you didn't let him be the hero. Like, the guy had a knife, but he's Spider Man.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's Spider man, though. Yeah. You can't punch a knife.

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's like, even if you win, this is also the scary thing specifically about a knife. You might win, you might knock the guy out. And then after you do it, you go, oh, shit, he got me a bunch. Then you're done. It only takes one little hit with it. It's so much worse than people think. And it's just like, man, I heard once forever ago when I was a teenager, I took some self defense classes and they were like, hey, what do you do if someone asks for your wallet? And people in the room were like, oh, like a headbutt or like a knee. And he's like, no, you give them your wallet. He's like, now if they say, get in the van and then you do everything you have to do. But he's like, but it's like, it's a wallet. Just give him the wallet. Like, that's all you gotta do, man. And she did such a great job. She like threw like. She did such a wonderful job. I don't know what he wasn't. This wasn't even about protecting. This was about like some sort of like, weird fantasy.

[Angela]

Yeah. To me, I'm like, this is a hobby problem. This is like A.

[Shane]

It's also what? Like so many. So many. This is the choj. This is what, like the chosen is in every dude. Where it's like, hey man, this is not the movies. This is not gonna go like how you think it goes. And we all have that chosen in us where we have these thoughts. Like, it's like where you have the thought of like, oh, if I had to jump out of a second story building and land on the ground, I'd be fine. It's like, you're gonna shatter your legs. You're gonna be horrified.

[Trevor]

Every single guy ever thought about like, okay, what is If I'm ever in a situation where we're getting mugged or something happens, like, how would I. And I'm like, obviously in my head I want to be a hero and I want to fight the guy and knock him out. But like, no, I'm giving him my wallet.

[Shane]

I don't even have shit in my wallet. If the stakes are your wallet, give him the wallet. I'm giving him my wallet and then.

[Trevor]

I'm pulling out my phone and going on my Wells Fargo mobile banking app.

[Shane]

And canceling my card right in front of him like, dude, I don't have, like, I don't have cash in there. Like, what the fuck? What do you want?

[Angela]

My fricking, like, dude, the reality, honestly.

[Trevor]

The worst part about giving someone I want would be the Costco membership card. I'd have to go get a new Costco membership card.

[Shane]

And you just go to Costco the next day and find him and he's there in the aisle just like, oh.

[Angela]

I don't know, I found you. I don't wanna, like, gender this too hard, but there is something to be said about how, like, when a woman thinks about, like when I go on a walk by myself in a dark neighborhood, I'm not thinking about proving myself. I'm thinking about survival, like, in terms of danger.

[Shane]

And he's just the kid.

[Angela]

And that's how men get that privilege to be, like, in danger. I can like, I can. This could actually make me look good. Versus. I don't even think this girl is thinking about that. She's just thinking, get out.

[Shane]

Purely practical. Well, and actually he's doing the opposite. Right? Cuz she wants, like, you. I think this is the case for everybody. This is not a gendered thing. You want to be around people that. It's like, oh, well, I feel like we got each other's backs, right? And he is the opposite. He's trying to start shit. Yeah, he Is trying to.

[Angela]

Yeah, you're right. You're right. It's not weird.

[Shane]

He's trying to escalate the situation. And that's stupid because it's stupid in so many ways where it's like, you're also assuming that that's the only guy. You're assuming that that guy doesn't have a buddy nearby. You're assuming all these situations, you know, that he has a knife. You're also assuming he doesn't also have a gun. Perhaps, like, there's just so many levels of stupidity to it.

[Angela]

Yeah, like you. Oh, good point, good point.

[Shane]

But no, he should be thinking the same exact way.

[Angela]

Or he, he has a privileged mindset to think that way because, like, I can't even imagine how. Like when. I don't know, it's just like he.

[Shane]

Has a mindset of someone who hasn't gotten fucked up yet. Yeah, like 100% truly. Like, it reminds me of as a kid having the thought of like, oh, I would run into a burning building to save someone. And then like, you eventually have that moment where you're near like extreme fire at one point and you're like, oh my God, like, that's so much worse than I realized. Like, it's like all he's acting like a guy who's never been stabbed is what he's acting like.

[Trevor]

That guy's definitely never been stabbed.

[Shane]

But no, you're right.

[Trevor]

He's like actively putting her in danger. If the situation can be solved by just giving the guy a wallet versus him, like potentially, yes. Starting some shit. And if he gets stabbed, like, who says the guy isn't gonna then go after her?

[Shane]

It's dumb.

[Angela]

Just cause he wants to be a hero.

[Shane]

He's being very inconsiderate and not thinking.

[Angela]

You'Re the dick that'll make you a hero.

[Shane]

Exactly. The thought of, like wanting to protect someone is valid. I don't think he's wanting to protect her. He's wanting to.

[Angela]

He's wanting to win.

[Shane]

He's wanting to be superior. That's what I'm about to like. He's wanting to live out a fantasy here. This is not about doing the right thing. This is not about doing the safe thing.

[Angela]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. It's like, he doesn't have to. He's not feeling the threat of survival because he's feeling like, literally like.

[Shane]

And what I'm saying is he should be. Yeah, the guy's got a knife.

[Trevor]

The mature solution here is for him to be like, Take the wallet. You can have it. Now put down the knife and fist fight me.

[Angela]

Yeah. Or go. Here's my wallet, honey. Walk home. Let's fight.

[Trevor]

Let's fight. Yeah, exactly.

[Shane]

It's like you barely do her the courtesy of like, yeah, run and I'll.

[Angela]

Take care of this.

[Trevor]

You can have the wallet. And I ask that because I'm giving you this as an act of good faith. You don't stab me, but we can still fight.

[Shane]

Good sir. Like, good sir, please. All right, let's see here. Comments. Not the butt face. Tell fucking Justice League over there that life isn't a movie and that anyone who fights someone who has a knife are guaranteed 100% going to get cut. Regardless if he trains Krav Maga or how any Marvel movies he's seen someone under that said they teach you how to win a fight against a knife wielding assailant in MMA or self defense classes. It's fucking run.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do not play the hero. You do the minimum necessary to be able to make a safe getaway.

[Angela]

Because.

[Shane]

Because even highly trained, you're very likely to be seriously injured if not killed. And you're right, a wallet isn't worth dying over. Tell his mom there's nothing masculine about taking stupid risks. Someone said, not the butt face. And your man child has issues. As others have pointed out, he was escalating the situation and put you in danger, which is not how you protect someone you care about. His family sounds like idiots too. My hubs, who is a retired cop, said, you did the correct thing in the situation and your boyfriend is an idiot and was not protecting you. Take care. Lastly, someone said, not the butt face. Your boyfriend is an idiot. What did he think he was going to do against a guy with a knife? Argue him into submission? Someone said maybe he thought this shit was like Pokemon and that the robber would hurt himself in his confusion. I truly think he thought he was gonna do the move and like disarm, like the knife.

[Trevor]

I was literally thinking like, he's like thinking it's gonna be like John Wick where he's just like batting the knife.

[Shane]

Out of the way, twisting his wrist. That's movies. That's not real. Yeah, yeah. He's gonna go to disarm and just like, oh, that's like such a funny sketch. Holy. That's what's gonna happen. It reminds me of that Key and Peele sketch where he's like, he's like, go ahead, shoot me. I'll catch. And he like shoots me. He's like. And Then he's just like. And it's like, did you catch? He's like, yeah, I caught it. I just love the idea. He's, like, bleeding. He's like, I got it, I got it.

[Trevor]

I thought some guy just, like, on a dark street, like, seeing a guy. And he's like, all right, this is my time. Doing, like, the Henry Cavill, like, knocking his fist up and then just getting instantly stabbed.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude, Straight up. All right, update the next day.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. So he called me last night and I answered. He asked if I was okay and how I was doing. Then he asked if he could come over, and I said he could. I planned on bringing everything up again myself because he had been very passive aggressive and refusing to talk about it. But when he showed up, he immediately started apologizing. Everything you guys pointed out, he started agreeing. He was saying that he was being delusional, unrealistic. The whole hero fantasy isn't healthy. He jeopardized my safety, and that wasn't okay, et cetera. I wasn't prepared for this behavior, especially compared to how he'd been acting all week. We talked for hours before we went to bed together, and everything seemed like it worked out fine. I was really on the verge of ending things, so I was relieved that I didn't have to at the moment. Then this morning came, and shit hit the fan. In my comment update on the last post, I mentioned that a friend was trying to mediate. I texted that friend that things worked out, and they said something along the lines of, I'm so glad you were able to apologize. Hmm. Some people mentioned that maybe he told a different story, which isn't something I looked into, but I decided to ask, and hoo boy, I'm glad I did. Firstly, he told everyone that the night walk was my idea. Then apparently, we were never mugged. Nope. Apparently I just started talking shit to a stranger on the street in an attempt to make him show he was a strong man and protect me. And the only reason we were able to get away was because he de. Escalated the situation. Oh, wow. And that he's emasculating because he was put in a position where he felt like he was forced to fight for my honor. Are you fucking kidding me? To make a long story short, he tried to play dumb and backpedal this morning when I confronted him about it. Then when I pressed him to be honest, he snapped again and said. What was I supposed to say? The whole situation was embarrassing and it was going to make me look bad. We argued again. For a bit, but I was just done. I told him to go and that it wasn't gonna work. He didn't have much stuff, so it was easy to put it in a spare grocery bag and just toss at him while he angrily left. He's currently outside my complex waiting for mommy to pick him up. As far as I'm concerned, I dodged a bullet. Fuck his friends, fuck his mom, and fuck him. Thank you for opening my eyes, Reddit me every time I open Reddit. Thank you for opening my eyes, Reddit.

[Angela]

Thank you for opening my eyes, Reddit. Whoa. The inspector gadget of it all with the friend saying that and all that shit. That's wild.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

That guy needs to get into like writing fanfic or something because there's something like he's not getting out of like some type of fantasy world.

[Shane]

This is so many dudes. There should be so many dudes.

[Trevor]

There should be people that are banned from watching superhero movies.

[Shane]

It's just like, I don't know, man. It's also like, it's within so many dudes. It's the joke of the chosen. Right? This is the chosen. Is that like, there's a part of all of us that's like, but what if I'm awesome? And it's just like. But then you have to go like, no, that's the fantasy part of my brain. And that's fun, that's creative in my head. What's the realistic part?

[Angela]

Right. I wonder if that's like a part of testosterone that is like to try to like, if I go, like, if I. I don't know. I'm not trying to.

[Shane]

I think there's also. But I also think there's a part of just like wanting to believe in situations that it's like, oh, but will I do the right thing? And will I risk myself for others? I think there's an aspect of it that's endearing and good.

[Angela]

Sure, sure.

[Shane]

And he showed like, hey, he showed he's not afraid, but he showed that he was stupid. And it's like, hey, man, nobody thinks you are emasculating in this sequence, but you were stupid. Like, it is toxic. It is toxic masculinity. Think that you need to escalate and fight.

[Angela]

It's very tough to escalate just for.

[Shane]

The sake of it. Yes.

[Angela]

Or even just for the story of it.

[Shane]

That's all he cared about.

[Angela]

What are you not getting in your normal day to day life? Confirmation. Like, what are you not getting in your normal day to day life? That this story is giving you, like, some belief in yourself that you don't have, that you have to fabricate, because that's, like, at your partner's expense.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Trevor]

No, I mean, the thing that would be, like, the quote unquote heroic is just, like, stand in front of your partner, like, make sure that they're, like, behind and safe and de escalate. Be like, hey, like, take it, whatever. Just like.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Trevor]

And then go. Just be safe and go on your merry way.

[Angela]

Yeah. Like, anyone comes up to me, I'm grabbing their dick so hard and I'm yanking it.

[Shane]

Grab the balls.

[Angela]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah, grab the balls.

[Angela]

But in my head, that's what I always think. I just go like, Like. Like scream as loud as I can and grab as hard as I can.

[Shane]

I recommend probably a kick first.

[Angela]

A kick to the balls, dude.

[Shane]

Kick to the balls. If anyone comes at me, that's the move, dude.

[Trevor]

I'm getting on the ceiling fan.

[Shane]

I'm getting on the ceiling fan. I'm pissed, and I'm pissing everywhere. And they're gonna be amazed. Cause we're in a public park and they're like, we didn't know that fan was there. All right, that was wild. Anybody have a biggest red flag? I think the biggest red flag. Knife. A guy with a knife. And then also, Mike, when I see.

[Trevor]

A guy with a knife and he's acting menacing, I'm going, hey, buddy, red flag.

[Shane]

I'm waving this in front of him.

[Trevor]

Hey.

[Shane]

Red flag. To distract him.

[Angela]

Hey.

[Shane]

And then he tries to charge at this, and then I dodge it.

[Angela]

Yeah, I think a man comparing his partner to his mom.

[Trevor]

Yeah, that one made me stick to my stomach. Yeah.

[Angela]

Pretty rough for me. Pretty rough for me.

[Shane]

Location sharing. Oh, Following. Stalking your own wife.

[Trevor]

Mm. Yeah. Me hanging out with my friends, doing Reddit stories.

[Shane]

Thank you both for being here. This was a lovely time.

[Angela]

Thanks for having us. Even though you don't pick us, they do.

[Shane]

Okay. That's true.

[Angela]

You know, you just always think that's.

[Shane]

Like, I could veto it.

[Angela]

You could. Maybe you could red flag it.

[Shane]

What if I was just like, no.

[Angela]

Well, the next time. Just a heads up, the next time we're gonna be together on this couch, we're gonna make you fall for it.

[Shane]

You're telling me now? Yeah.

[Trevor]

Mm.

[Shane]

Okay. All right, thank you all for watching. Let us know what red flags you've run into in life, and we'll see you next Saturday. Good.