Podcast Summary: SNAFU with Ed Helms – Episode: Project Azorian's Sunken Sub

Podcast Information:

• Title: SNAFU with Ed Helms
• Host: Ed Helms
• Description: Hosted by Ed Helms, SNAFU delves into history's most notorious screw-ups. Season 3, Formula 6, explores how prohibition's war on alcohol spiraled out of control, leading the government to poison its own citizens.
• Episode: Project Azorian's Sunken Sub
• Release Date: June 9, 2025

Introduction and Book Promotion

[00:00 – 02:32]

The episode opens with the hosts, referred to as A and B, engaging in light-hearted banter to greet SNAFU fans. They shift quickly to promoting B’s upcoming New York Times bestseller, SNAFU: The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw-Ups.

Key Moments:

• Promotion of B's Book:

  • B: "Father's Day is fast approaching and we all know what that means...But never fear, I'm here to help make it stress free for you this year."
  • A: "Grab a copy of my compendium of history's greatest screw-ups."

• Teasing the Episode's Content:

  • B: "This week I have pulled an exclusive chapter from the SNAFU audiobook...Project Azorian. A tale stranger than fiction involving Cold War chaos..."

• Call to Action:

  • B: "The book is available in bookstores everywhere or online at Amazon. Or of course our own website, snafu-book.com."

This section serves to engage listeners with a mix of humor and anticipation for the detailed story to follow.

Project Azorian: The Mission to Retrieve K129

[02:32 – 15:00]

A. The Heist at Howard Hughes' Headquarters

The narrative begins with a detailed recounting of the audacious theft committed by four burglars at the corporate headquarters of Howard Hughes in Hollywood on June 5, 1974.

Notable Quote:

• A: "Mike suddenly felt something pressing into his back. A gun...they would grab everything they could."

B. The Sunken Soviet Submarine K129

The focus shifts to the Soviet submarine K129, which sank under mysterious circumstances in 1968. Equipped with three nuclear warheads, K129 was a strategic asset lost deep in the Pacific Ocean.

Key Details:

• Sinking: K129 lost communication and sank 1,560 miles northwest of Hawaii.
• CIA Interest: The CIA was privy to the sub's location and recognized the intelligence potential within.

C. CIA’s Project Azorian: The Clawship Concept

Facing the monumental challenge of recovering a sub at 16,500 feet underwater, the CIA launched Project Azorian. Spearheaded by agent John Parangoski, the project conceived the innovative yet risky plan to use a massive claw mechanism to lift the submarine from the ocean floor.

Notable Quote:

• B: "The solution Parangoski and company finally landed on was even more harebrained...a literal claw to pick up K129."

D. Construction and Launch of the Hughes Glomar Explorer (HGE)

To maintain secrecy, the CIA collaborated with Howard Hughes to build the Hughes Glomar Explorer, disguised as a deep-sea mining vessel.

Key Events:

• Construction: Began in 1971 in Chester, Pennsylvania.
• Launch: Christened in November 1972 with a less-than-smooth ceremony involving multiple champagne bottle attempts.
• Technical Issues: The HGE suffered from persistent mechanical failures, including hull cracks and seal leaks, undermining its operational integrity.

E. The Mission Execution and Failure

On June 7, 1974, under President Nixon's directive, the HGE embarked on its mission. Despite Soviet surveillance and mechanical setbacks, the ship deployed the clawship, codenamed Clementine, to retrieve K129.

Key Incidents:

• Deployment: Clementine descended to the abyssal zone, where unforgiving conditions prevailed.
• Initial Failure: The claw miscalculated, damaging the seabed and necessitating a second attempt.
• Partial Recovery: While Clementine managed to lift a portion of the sub, it resulted in catastrophic failure—only 38 feet of the hull were recovered, and the rest of K129, along with critical documents, remained submerged.

Notable Quote:

• A: "Imagine trying to pick up a submarine that's more than three miles underwater and has the weight of about 875 passenger cars. What could possibly go wrong?"

F. Aftermath and Legacy

The mission's failure was compounded by the theft of top-secret documents in June 1974, leading to public exposure of Project Azorian. Esteemed journalists like Jack Anderson and Seymour Hersh broke the story, revealing the true nature of the HGE's mission.

Key Points:

• Public Exposure: The Los Angeles Times and other major outlets unveiled the operation, damaging CIA's credibility.
• Cancellation: Planned follow-up missions were shelved due to the scandal.
• Legacy: The HGE was eventually auctioned off at a fraction of its cost and scrapped in 2015, symbolizing the colossal misstep of Project Azorian.

Notable Quote:

• B: "The CIA floating claw machine was more expensive than entire economies. Which, damn that makes paying a quarter to play a claw game at Chuck E. Cheese seem like a bargain."

Analysis and Insights

Host’s Commentary: Ed Helms infuses the narrative with humor and critical analysis, highlighting the sheer audacity and ensuing folly of Project Azorian. He underscores themes of overambition, poor planning, and the inevitable downfall when operations exceed practical and financial limits.

Notable Insights:

• Skepticism of Grand Plans: The project exemplifies how grandiose ideas without feasible execution strategies are doomed to fail.
• Impact of Secrecy: The need for secrecy led to compromised operational integrity and eventual exposure.
• Human Element: Even amidst high-stakes operations, human error and mechanical failures played pivotal roles in the mission's collapse.

Conclusion

The Project Azorian's Sunken Sub episode of SNAFU with Ed Helms masterfully unpacks one of the Cold War's most ambitious and flawed intelligence operations. Through a blend of engaging storytelling, meticulous detail, and insightful commentary, the episode illustrates how governmental overreach and mismanagement can culminate in historic failures. The tragic loss of K129 and the HGE serves as a cautionary tale about the perils of operating beyond practical and ethical boundaries.

Final Quote:

• A: "Maybe James Cameron can build another deep sea explorer and try to recover the sunken Soviet submarine himself. But on the other hand, perhaps it's best to let sleeping subs lie."

Recommendation: For history enthusiasts and aficionados of espionage gone awry, this episode provides a compelling exploration of Project Azorian's intricate web of ambition, secrecy, and failure. Ed Helms' engaging narrative ensures that listeners are both informed and entertained, gaining a comprehensive understanding of one of history's grandest screw-ups.