SNAFU with Ed Helms

S4E20: Jake Johnson and the Metric Pirates

Date: February 18, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode of SNAFU, Ed Helms welcomes the always-hilarious Jake Johnson (actor, comedian, co-host of "We're Here to Help") to dive into one of history's great "almosts": how the U.S. came within a hair's breadth of adopting the metric system, only to have that destiny foiled by a mix of misfortune and pirates. Through witty banter, storytelling, and their signature comedic chemistry, Ed and Jake explore the tragicomic saga of French scientist Joseph Dombey, attempted diplomatic gifts, and the American resistance to metrication.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Tag Movie Reunion and Wild On-Set Stories

• [02:17–07:19]
  • Ed introduces Jake, reminiscing about working together on the movie Tag.
  • Jake recalls Jeremy Renner's infamous double arm break on set, followed by his incredible swift (and slightly ridiculous) return to filming.

    “If I break my arms, not for Jake. I'm expecting visitors.” – Jake Johnson [04:31]

  • Great laughs about a cast fart incident (Hannibal Buress) and a "private jet" surprise that turned out to be an ancient, grody plane.

    “It was a Greyhound airplane is what it was.” – Ed Helms [07:10]

2. Metric System History: The Setup

• [07:42–11:46]
  • Ed sets the stage: 1700s America wrestling with measurement chaos.
  • France creates the metric system as “peak Enlightenment thinking”—a system based on the constancy of nature, not monarchs’ body parts.

    “Kings get beheaded, governments collapse, but the planet is constant.” – Ed Helms [09:10]

  • Congress gives the metric idea a hard pass, likened to a Hollywood pitch room.

    “Congress was Hollywood executives. When you try to pitch original IP. Nah. Pass.” – Jake Johnson [11:50]

3. Enter Joseph Dombey: The Unluckiest Metric Messenger

• [15:59–17:01]
  • Story pivots to French scientist/explorer Joseph Dombey, charged with delivering platinum metric standards (meter rod, kilo weight) to Thomas Jefferson.

    “He was a seasoned transatlantic explorer. Unfortunately, he had also spectacularly bad luck.” – Ed Helms [18:33]

4. Dombey’s Frozen Luck: Shipwrecks, Sickness, and Pirate Seizure

• [17:00–25:30]
  • Dombey’s previous expeditions ended in British or Spanish confiscations.
  • He sets off again in 1794, only for a Caribbean storm to force landing on Guadeloupe. Jokes ensue about just staying on the tropical island.

    “I know this as a fact. He was wearing no bottoms during the thing.” – Jake Johnson [17:32]

  • Dombey gets sick, but persists—then British privateers (state-sanctioned pirates) seize the vessel.
    • Ed and Jake riff on Dombey’s frantic attempt to disguise himself as a Spanish sailor, mainly by changing clothes (and likely being terrible at it).

    “You imagine…guys, these are government sanctioned pirates. And your captain goes, everybody take off your clothes.” – Jake Johnson [23:11]

  • Dombey’s cover fails, he’s imprisoned on Montserrat, and dies in captivity; his precious payload disappears into history.

5. What If the Metric System Had Arrived?

• [26:32–32:38]
  • Ed laments America's missed opportunity:

    “Our best shot at going metric sank into the crystal blue Caribbean.” – Ed Helms [26:33]

  • Jake and Ed debate alternate realities; Ed speculates metric adoption would have democratized engineering/science access.

    “More people would have had more access to science and to engineering, and we would be in a more interesting place.” – Ed Helms [27:38]

  • They riff on weird measurements—“stone” for weight, “hands” for horses, counting steps for feet, and the ridiculousness of units like "about the size of a grapefruit" for tumors.

    “When people speak honestly…they’ll be like, at that point, he was eight stone. And I’m like, you’re measuring yourself in stones?” – Jake Johnson [31:39]

6. America’s Halfhearted Push For Metrication

• [32:38–37:50]
  • The U.S. Metric Act of 1866 and later, the Metric Conversion Act of 1975, both nudge America toward metrication, but never mandate it.
  • Both agree: voluntary adoption just doesn’t cut it.

    “If it's not mandatory, the change isn't going to occur.” – Jake Johnson [37:50]

  • Ed teases: “For the good of humanity, metric is just better.” [38:23]
  • Jake confesses, “Before this call, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it.” [38:07]

7. Whatever Happened to Dombey’s Kilo and Meter?

• [39:15–39:55]
  • The lost artifacts later turned up with surveyor Andrew Ellicott and passed through his descendants to what is now the National Institute of Standards and Technology.
  • Ed ponders his obsession with clarity and precision; Jake embraces comedy and chaos.

    “I love the in between. I love the gray area. I love when things fall off the rails.” – Jake Johnson [41:07] “Precision in communication is, like, incredibly important to me.” – Ed Helms [40:44]

8. Mutual Admiration & Podcast Philosophies

• [41:46–45:15]
  • Ed and Jake reflect on their comedic chemistry and differences: Ed’s “prepared and structured,” Jake’s “embracing the mistake.”
  • Jake: “It’s like being on the ship with Joseph. It’s being Joseph Dombey’s, you know, right hand man and…you want to dress up like a Spaniard, my man, me too.” [44:27]
  • Ed praises Jake’s improvisational style, and Jake admires Ed’s meticulousness.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Hollywood and Congress:

  “Congress was Hollywood executives. When you try to pitch original IP. Nah. Pass.” – Jake Johnson [11:50]

• On Dombey’s Catastrophic Voyage:

  “He was a seasoned transatlantic explorer. Unfortunately, he had also spectacularly bad luck.” – Ed Helms [18:33]

• On Weird Measurement Units:

  “I have never been able to wrap my head around [stone]. When people speak honestly, especially in like, the MMA community…they’ll be like, at that point, he was eight stone. And I’m like, you’re measuring yourself in stones?” – Jake Johnson [31:39]

• On American Reluctance:

  “If it's not mandatory, the change isn't going to occur.” – Jake Johnson [37:50] “For the good of humanity, metric is just better.” – Ed Helms [38:23]

• On Personal Philosophies:

  “I love the in between. I love the gray area. I love when things fall off the rails.” – Jake Johnson [41:07] “Precision in communication is, like, incredibly important to me.” – Ed Helms [40:44]

Key Timestamps

• 02:17–07:19 – Movie set stories (Tag), on-set injuries, “private jet” horror
• 07:42–11:46 – Why measurement standards matter; metric vs. imperial history; Congress’ rejection
• 15:59–26:32 – The Dombey saga: mission, shipwreck, pirates, death in captivity, the lost artifacts
• 27:38–32:38 – Counterfactuals if U.S. went metric; weird measurements
• 32:38–37:50 – Brief U.S. attempts at metrication, challenge of change
• 39:15–39:55 – Rediscovery of Dombey’s kilo/meter rod
• 40:01–45:15 – Ed and Jake discuss personal worldviews; structured vs. improvisational comedy

Flow and Tone

True to the SNAFU spirit, the episode is a perfect blend of historical storytelling, banter, and irreverence. Ed’s deep dives and sleek narration pair perfectly with Jake’s comedic riffs—poking at historical absurdities, Americana quirks, and the unending comedy of human error. There’s warmth and mutual respect, making the learning effortless and fun.

For more SNAFU and to pick up "The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups," visit snafu-book.com.