Loading summary
Jake Johnson
I got a Rivian right now.
Ed Helms
Brag.
Jake Johnson
Is Rivian a brag?
Ed Helms
Yeah. Mad respect, bro.
Jake Johnson
You couldn't be more of a dad when a Rivian SUV is a brag. It's not like I'm driving a Porsche. I'm like, dude, I got a car that can fit six kids, luggage and a dog. And you go, jesus, you're winning. It doesn't go fast. And I will, I will say it's not that much fun to drive, but the storage that baby.
Ad Read Voice 1
This is an iHeart podcast.
Ad Read Voice 2
Guaranteed Human.
Tara Davis Woodhull
Hey, this is US Olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull.
Hunter Woodhull
And I'm US Paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.
Tara Davis Woodhull
As athletes, our lives are about having.
Hunter Woodhull
A clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.
Tara Davis Woodhull
So when it came to getting the.
Hunter Woodhull
Best mortgage, we chose PennyMac.
Tara Davis Woodhull
PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you.
PennyMac Legal/Info Voice
Learn more at pennymac.com PennyMac Loan Services, LLC equal housing lender and MLS ID 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Conditions and restrictions may apply.
Ad Read Voice 2
There's a difference between liking a house and actually getting it. Redfin is built to make up that difference and close the gap between finding and owning the home for you. Redfin agents close twice as many deals as so when you find a home you love, you're not a step behind when it comes to making an offer. That means less watching great homes disappear and more focus on the one you'll call home. Redfin helps turn saved listings into real addresses. Get started@redfin.com own the dream at Lowe's.
Lowe's Ad Voice
Get up to 35% off select major appliances. Plus members get free delivery, install and more. When you spend $2,500 on select major appliances Lowe's, we help you save valid through 225 while supplies last Selection varies by location. Excludes Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin, New Jersey, Florida. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Visit lowe's.com terms for details subject to change.
Ed Helms
Visit your nearby Lowe's on Colorado street in Kennewick. Welcome to Snafu, the show about history's greatest screw ups. I'm Ed Helms and today I am joined by a prolific actor, comedian, writer and director. He co hosts the podcast we're here to help with fellow funnyman Gareth Reynolds. But you likely know our guest as the voice of Peter Parker in Into the Spider Verse, as Doug in the Minx, or as the beloved Nick Miller from the now modern classic hit New Girl. He was of Course. Also my hilarious co star in the film Tag, Please welcome Jake Johnson.
Jake Johnson
Thanks, Ed. Nice to see you, pal.
Ed Helms
We'll put in some applause and, like.
Jake Johnson
You know, roaring three to four minutes of hard applause.
Ed Helms
Yeah, exactly. Standing ovation, sound effects. Jake Johnson's here.
Jake Johnson
Yes.
Ed Helms
We, of course, became acquainted on the movie Tag, which was just a goddamn delight. How fun was that? I mean, we had our ups and downs on the production, but it was a hell of a lot of fun.
Jake Johnson
Apart from Renner breaking both his arms during a stunt.
Ed Helms
Oh, my God.
Jake Johnson
Remember that crazy day in the church?
Ed Helms
Of course I remember that.
Jake Johnson
Insane.
Ed Helms
Okay, so just for the listener, we're doing this scene where Jeremy Renner is chasing us and he's on. He does that Fred Astaire chair move where he's, you know, where you, like, stand on the back of a chair and then let it fall down and then you keep going. Only the sort of bit was that this was a stack of like 30 chairs. So it was like 20ft tall.
Jake Johnson
Yeah, it was high.
Ed Helms
And he sort of falls down, but in a controlled way off on this stack of chairs and then keeps running. And he was wearing a harness to make the fall smooth and not harmful to his body. This. There was some malfunction. He landed on both his arms. Both of his arms broke.
Jake Johnson
Yes.
Ed Helms
And he went to the hospital and was back on set that afternoon.
Jake Johnson
Shocking.
Ed Helms
Still shooting. Do you remember that?
Jake Johnson
And I'll tell you, we've talked about this, but there are certain things you've said that are not for Jake. Breaking your arms and returning to shoot a scene in Tag. Not for Jake. If I break my arms, not for Jake.
Ad Read Voice 1
I'm.
Jake Johnson
Hold up for a while. I'm in a hospital room. I'm expecting visitors. I'm expecting a lot of you were so brave for doing that. I'm not going back to work. And then do you remember he has to throw coffee, I think, at me.
Ed Helms
Yeah.
Jake Johnson
Where I run by him and he throws. But he had to use his broken arm. And I was like, I would like to complain about the fact that I need to slide on the ground, but I can't do that because he's throwing something at me. Okay.
Ed Helms
Because he's doing another stunt with broken arms.
Jake Johnson
With broken arms. That, to me, was really wild. Do you remember the scene in the church also when it was you, me, Hannibal, and probably Ham, but I'm not sure. And Hannibal farted on camera and then got upset with us when we laughed as if he were the ones not being professional and said, come on, man. Stand it.
Ed Helms
I do.
Jake Johnson
And I said, I can't.
Ad Read Voice 1
You can't.
Jake Johnson
That's impossible to do.
Ed Helms
I do remember that. That was. That was pure sa. Oh, my God. There were so many hard laughs on that set. So many ridiculous experiences. And then this is like, we'll probably cut this because this is like some celebrity whining. But I remember being so excited because they're like, hey, we got a jet for the whole cast. And we're gonna. That's how we're gonna travel on this press tour. So we're all flying together, and I'm like, oh, this is great. We get private airports, luxury jet. It was like a battered old.
Jake Johnson
Like.
Ed Helms
Like a school bus with wings.
Jake Johnson
Literally.
Ed Helms
It was like a 1970s, like, Southwest retired airplane. And it was such a piece of junk. It was like, I mean, okay, please.
Jake Johnson
Don'T cut that, Ed. And I just remember being like, good. Oh, yeah, this is tag.
Ed Helms
Seriously, Just the disappointment. It's like we're getting to the end to the. Oh, we're at a private airport. Like, this is gonna be so great. It's so fun and great. And then we get on and it's like, oh, these. The seats are torn. Like, there's rats running around in this airplane.
Jake Johnson
I would rather be on a good.
Ed Helms
It smells like cigarettes.
Jake Johnson
Like, he was a Greyhound airplane hadn't.
Ed Helms
Been cleaned since people smoked on planes. It was Greyhound. It was a Greyhound airplane is what it was.
Jake Johnson
That's great. I do. That's great stuff, man.
Ed Helms
Okay, so we have to get into the story. This is a really. This is a fun one. It's pretty arbitrary how you wound up doing this story. I don't have. Usually I try to connect the guests in some way. In this case, I was like, this is just kind of a funny story, and I think Jake will like it. So I hope this story is for Jake.
Jake Johnson
I love it.
Ed Helms
Today we're heading back to the age of musket powder and doodle dandies. This story takes us to the late 1700s, when America was but a mere toddler and growing pains were all but expected. Wildly enough, one of the most intriguing political stalemates of the time revolved around measurements for distance and weight. Yes, today we're diving into the embattled and complex history of. Of the United States relationship with the metric system. Sounds boring, but it is not. It is not. Trust me on this. More specifically, we're diving into the tragic story of French scientist and explorer Joseph Dombey. And you will understand why very shortly. There's obviously the Metric system and the imperial system. Here in the United States, we use the imperial system. There are two other countries that still use that. The rest of the world is all metric. Do you know those other countries? I mean, there's. I would be amazed if you do.
Ad Read Voice 1
No.
Ed Helms
Liberia and Myanmar.
Jake Johnson
Never would I have guessed those.
Ed Helms
No, of course not.
Jake Johnson
Gunned in my head I couldn't have found those two.
Ed Helms
And I'm not disappointed in you. I didn't expect you to know those things.
Jake Johnson
I'll take it. So we're the only three?
Ed Helms
Yeah. So now, if it were up to Thomas Jefferson, we would have incorporated the metric system long, long ago. However, according to legend, the fault lay at the feet of neither Jefferson nor Joseph Dumbay, but pirates. Alright, before we go any further, here's why measurement standards actually matter. A shared system of measurement is the quiet backbone of civilization. It's how trade functions, science agrees on reality, and buildings don't mysteriously end up a few inches too short. Historically though, measurements were a mess because they were often based on local customs, a king's body part, or whatever some royal person thought a foot should be. That year, back in 1495, King Henry VII of England tried to bring some order to the chaos by standardizing units like the bushel, peck, gallon and court that would eventually become the imperial system that we use today. Feet, pounds, and all that stuff. Fast forward a few centuries and the 13 colonies win their independence from Great Britain. But they still need Britain as a trading partner. So America stuck with the imperial system. The problem was everyone used it differently. A foot in Williamsburg might not match a foot in Philadelphia. And New York is like doing its own thing. They have the Dutch system. It's just like a total mess. In 1790, across the Atlantic, and in the middle of their own revolution, France's national assembly turned to their Academy of Sciences and basically said, please invent a measurement system that can survive chaos. That's cool. Which means try to deduce an invariable standard for all measurements and weights, et cetera. This is like how the Enlightenment worked, right? This is sort of peak Enlightenment thinking. The idea was that nature is impartial. Kings get beheaded, governments collapse, but the planet is constant. It keeps spinning. So if you base your measurements on nature itself, they will outlast wars and revolutions and very bad political decisions. And that's how we arrived at the meter, which was named after the Greek word metron, meaning measure, standard or rule. This was again France's National Assembly. They defined the meter as 1/10 millionth of the distance from the North Pole to the equator. Then built everything else from there. Weight, volume, surface area and the whole thing scaled up or down using a very simple decimal system, all based on the number 10. And this was really badass. Like, this system worked. It was very simple. And this got Thomas Jefferson really excited. So on July 4, 1790, he brought the concept of metrication to Congress. Massive spoiler alert. Congress was like, nope, no thanks.
Ad Read Voice 1
Pass.
Ad Read Voice 2
Hard pass.
Ed Helms
Yeah, pass.
Jake Johnson
Don't fully get it.
Venmo Ad Voice
Pass.
Jake Johnson
You're a smart guy, tj. But it's a pass for us. We are going to. They sound like like executives. Congress was Hollywood executives. When you try to pitch original ip. Nah. Pass.
Ed Helms
We're big fans of you and we also love this idea. We think this idea has legs and we honestly. Do you ever get this one? Can't wait to see that movie. I can't wait to see that movie.
Jake Johnson
That's what they said to Thomas Jefferson.
Ed Helms
Yeah, yeah. We've got something too similar we can't do. It's like it just. No, no, no.
Venmo Ad Voice
You guys don't get it.
Ed Helms
The metric system replaces the Imperial. Yeah, but does it?
Jake Johnson
This is a brilliant idea. Honestly, the people above me are no, but I'm a yes, but let's just think of another. Come back in a couple weeks with something new. But let's just keep this one as is.
Venmo Ad Voice
Using Venmo without cash back is like.
Ed Helms
Leaving your wallet open in a wind tunnel.
Venmo Ad Voice
Pick the right card, the Venmo debit card, and let the cash back roll in. It's not a financial miracle, just avoiding a classic everyday snafu. Because with Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your favorite brands. Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them. And you're free to mix things up. You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every 30 days. Earn more cash when you do more with stash. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms@venmo me stashterms for period protection.
Ad Read Voice 1
You can put on and forget about. Nothing beats Nick's leak proof underwear. North America's number one leak proof underwear brand. Let's face it, life can be unpredictable. But your leak proof underwear shouldn't be. That's why millions of people choose Nyx for periods, for light leaks, for everyday freshness. Nick's undies are super comfy, super absorbent and made to handle whatever your day throws at you. Day two of your period. Covered your daily run. No problem. That big sneeze? You know the one? Yup. We've got you. And with styles like bikinis, boy shorts, thongs and high rise plus sizes from extra small to 4 XL NYX makes it easy to find your perfect fit. Say goodbye to stress and leaks and say hello to undies that work just as hard as you do no matter the leak. Find the style and level of protection you want@nyx.com and use code flow15 for 15% off. That's kn Ix.com code flow15 for 15% off knicks for your leaks for your life.
Tara Davis Woodhull
Hey, this is U.S. olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull.
Hunter Woodhull
And I'm U.S. paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.
Tara Davis Woodhull
As athletes, our lives are about having.
Hunter Woodhull
A clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.
Tara Davis Woodhull
So when it came to getting the.
Hunter Woodhull
Best mortgage, we chose PennyMac.
Tara Davis Woodhull
PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you.
PennyMac Legal/Info Voice
Learn more at pennymac.com PennyMac Loan Services, LLC equal housing lender NMLS ID 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending act, conditions and restrictions may apply.
Ad Read Voice 2
Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script. With listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it, that's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise, and Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win, not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com Congress said no to Jefferson.
Ed Helms
But he didn't give up. He had friends in high places, and as the former ambassador to France, he noticed that their system really seemed to be clicking along pretty well. So by 1793, the history gets a little fuzzy. It's unclear whether Jefferson officially placed the Order. Or if France was simply eager to export their own shiny new system abroad. But what is clear is that France sent one of their brightest minds. Physician and botanist and overall badass. Explorer Joseph Dombey, carrying two precious artifacts to the United States. A metal rod measuring exactly one meter. This was like a standard that could then be used as a sort of master standard. And a small copper cylinder weighing precisely 1kg, also to be a standard. But as Dombey will soon learn, nothing invites disaster quite like crossing the Atlantic with priceless objects and a calm sense of optimism.
Jake Johnson
Well, this comes to the pirates.
Ed Helms
Oh, yeah, it's about to get piratey. So Joseph Dombey set sail for Philadelphia in January of 1794 from the port of Le Havre, off the northern French coast. He was aboard a brig owned by a merchant stationed in New York, Joseph Lepine. We should have a picture of Joseph Dombey. Let's take a look.
Jake Johnson
That guy wasn't striking at 20.
Ed Helms
I feel like he's distinguished.
Jake Johnson
I'm just.
Ed Helms
I'm just worried he's not wearing any clothes.
Jake Johnson
I feel like it was his choice. I know this as a fact. He was wearing no bottoms during the thing. And the artist kept saying, joseph, do you want to put something on? And he goes, this will do. And they go, it's just the top half. You could wear a tie. This will do.
Ed Helms
We could even put a blanket over. It's. It's drafty in here.
Jake Johnson
I said, this will do. Okay, Joseph, I mean, so I'm distracted by your genitals, and so I'm asking you to put shorts on. This will do. Okay, let's just do it.
Ed Helms
This was supposed to be a full body sculpture. I'm just going to do a bus.
Jake Johnson
Exactly. Also, Joseph, can you not make direct eye contact with me while I'm sculpting? Because you're intimidating me. You want to smile a little bit or something less scary and menacing because you're naked.
Ed Helms
He's actually a pretty badass guy, as. As we will find out.
Jake Johnson
Oh.
Ed Helms
Joey Dombey. He wasn't just a scientist. He was a seasoned transatlantic explorer. Unfortunately, he had also spectacularly bad luck. He spent two years in Peru collecting specimens, plant specimens for France, only to have his ship captured by the British and the plants seized. Then he tried again in Chile on a joint venture with Spain, which ended up in a dispute, and the Spanish team confiscated all his work. So third time's the charm, right? Well, no, because after smooth sailing across most of the Atlantic, they reached the Caribbean, and that's when everything went sideways. On February 12, a fierce tropical storm knocked the ship off course, damaged it, and left it taking on water. So they limped to the nearest port, Guadalupe, which is a French archipelago in the Caribbean about 1400 miles southeast of Florida. If you had made it this far on a journey and then just got your ass kicked by a crazy storm and wound up on this, like, beautiful tropical island, would you maybe just be like, this is where I stay, Ed.
Jake Johnson
You know my answer, guys, we made it. And they go, but this isn't.
Ed Helms
It is.
Jake Johnson
This was always the goal, really. Now I'm going to take my clothes off and hope somebody sculpts me. We're home, boys. We made it. I will never get on that sea again. This is it. Our story has, in fact, changed.
Ed Helms
But there's very little here. There's coconuts.
Jake Johnson
What do you mean, very little here?
Ed Helms
There's trees. There's fish everywhere.
Jake Johnson
There's probably an animal or two. How should I know?
Ed Helms
I'm sure there's rum.
Jake Johnson
Well, you know everything that's on this island. I don't think so.
Ed Helms
Not yet.
Jake Johnson
Yet. But I'm telling you what, we're not leaving again. I know that for sure.
Ed Helms
Well, D is not deterred. He's still very eager to get to the United States.
Jake Johnson
And what city did he want to go to again? Was it. Did you say Philly? I mean, you imagine he's in the Caribbean and he's like, I have to get to Philadelphia.
Ed Helms
But have you been to Philadelphia? Yeah, it's right. Joey.
Jake Johnson
I'm telling you, Joseph, first of all, put clothes on. Second of all, don't worry about getting to Philly. It's November, my king.
Ad Read Voice 1
It's cold.
Jake Johnson
It's gnarly.
Ed Helms
Really unusual accent, too.
Jake Johnson
Shockingly tough. Even the kids. Yeah.
Ed Helms
Unfortunately, Dombey's perilous situation was about to get even worse because he fell dangerously ill. And now, on top of that, this is. Even if you're sick? I'm not getting back on a boat if I'm sick. But this is. Dombey is, like, determined. They couldn't even get the ship fully repaired, so it set sail again, still partially damaged. Then on April 1, the ship was intercepted by British privateers.
Jake Johnson
Can I say something about Joseph that I know is a fact now after hearing about him and the fact that he has bad luck, and he set sail again, and the boat wasn't ready and pirates got him, and he's naked in his sculptures. I wouldn't say he has bad luck. I think he makes bad decisions. I think For a super smart guy, he doesn't make the best life choices. The boat is not ready. The ship's not ready. They're going like this. I don't think it's going to get there. And he goes, I think we're ready. Not ready. Let's go now. Ready? We crashed into an island with your first idea. Joey, we're not ready. Let's go. You imagine the pirates getting on that and seeing them.
Ed Helms
Yeah. Well, we're about to get there. This is actually quite interesting. So the ship is intercepted by British privateers, and now these are essentially government sanctioned pirates. At the time, Britain legally outsourced piracy. If you robbed the enemy, the crown called it patriotism and took a cut. And at the time, Britain and France were essentially in perpetual conflict. And this made all French ships traveling the Atlantic legitimate targets. The pirates boarded Dombey's ship. He scrambled below deck, throwing his clothes off as he ran, apparently. So he. The evidently he was wearing.
Jake Johnson
Did it say that?
Ed Helms
It does, because then he changed into the clothes of one of. One of the Spanish sailors who were.
Jake Johnson
He was trying to. He ripped his clothes off while he was being chased by pirates?
Ed Helms
No, before they boarded, he ran, he scrambled below deck.
Jake Johnson
He's like, his first thought is, you imagine working on that ship and not respecting your leader's choices. And you're like, we're back on the water, the boat's not ready. And then you go, you go, guys, these are government sanctioned pirates. And your captain goes, everybody take off your clothes.
Ed Helms
He doesn't tell the crew to take.
Jake Johnson
Off their clothes, Joe, that's the wrong idea.
Ed Helms
He, he runs and hides and tries to, to disguise himself as a Spanish sailor because a lot of the crew was Spanish. And so he puts on their. The sort of like. That's interesting, I guess, the, the less fancy crew clothing. And he sort of hope can fumble his way through because he knows a little bit of Spanish from his trips to South America. But the pirates were like, that's a pretty strong French accent in your, in your bad Spanish.
Jake Johnson
Hey, Joe, that's a bad decision. What you're doing is weird, my man.
Ed Helms
God, I wish you were on this boat. Like we might have. We might have the metric system had it not been. If Jake Johnson had been on this.
Jake Johnson
Hey, Joe, we know you. We came to get you. What are you doing? And he goes, me, Joe. Oh, I'm one.
Ed Helms
Come on.
Jake Johnson
Stop it.
Ed Helms
Come on. Are you good at. I remember Sid Caesar used to do those. Incredible. He could do like gibberish in a foreign Accent like. Like whether it was German or Italian or French. He could, like, convincingly sound like he was speaking the language, even though it was complete gibberish.
Jake Johnson
Yes.
Ed Helms
Are you capable of that? Is that one of your skills?
Jake Johnson
No.
Ed Helms
No.
Jake Johnson
Terrible. Are you. Do you have. I mean, you're a musician.
Ed Helms
I feel like it's something you could probably work on and get there.
Jake Johnson
I couldn't do them all, but if I worked on it, I could do, like, two very specific ones where you're like, that's pretty good gibberish in that language. But I could not be somebody who does them all.
Ed Helms
The pirates very quickly identified Dombey and they brought him to be a prisoner on the Caribbean island of Montserrat. The pirates looted the ship, and before they could fulfill their plan of offering up Dombey for ransom to the French government, he tragically died while in captivity on the island.
Jake Johnson
How'd he die? Do we know?
Ed Helms
I don't know what he was sick with, but he got sick somewhere on the passage and it just. It took him. And I'm sure like. Like 18th century pirates also weren't. Didn't provide the most hospitable accommodations. I'm not. I'm guessing it wasn't like Club Med, for sure where he was saying. So that. That all probably contributed. But this is where things get a little bit fuzzy. Some accounts suggest the pirates auctioned off the ship's most valuable cargo to parts unknown. Others claim they were spooked by paperwork linking those. The meter and kilo measurement standards. Those were linked to Jefferson. And so the pirates were like, oh, my God, what do we do? But either way, those pieces vanished. And for the moment, they were lost to history. And it is thought that because those things didn't make it to Thomas Jefferson, that that is why we didn't get the metric system.
Jake Johnson
That's crazy.
Ed Helms
Our best shot at going metric sank into the crystal blue Caribbean.
Jake Johnson
That's cool. Yeah, That's a neat story.
Ed Helms
What would be different now if we actually had the metric system other than our car speedometers? I don't know.
Jake Johnson
I know that I got a Rivian right now. Bragg is Rivian. A brag?
Ed Helms
Yeah. Mad respect, bro.
Jake Johnson
By the way, you couldn't be more of a dad. When a Rivian SUV is a brag, I'm driving a Porsche. I'm like, dude, I got a car that can fit six kids, luggage, and a dog. And you go, jesus, you're winning. It doesn't go fast.
Ed Helms
And I will.
Jake Johnson
I will say it's not that much Fun to drive, but the storage in that baby.
Ed Helms
Now I'm getting chubby. That is exciting.
Jake Johnson
God damn. My king.
Ed Helms
Storage.
Jake Johnson
What do you think would be different?
Ed Helms
Well, I actually think that it would have made a huge difference and it's impossible to sort of know the counterfactual like, what it would be. But the metric system is so simple and it is so intuitive that I think it actually opens up a lot of construction and engineering to people that may not have benefited from education. And so I don't know. I like to think that had we adopted the metric system earlier on, we may have advanced more quickly. More people would have had more access to science and to engineering, and we would be in a more interesting place. As it stands, we're still using the imperial system, obviously, and it's so clunky. Like, it's so hard. You have to use special calculators to figure out these fractions of inches and feet. And there's no. It's just so needlessly complicated. But let's actually get into the legacy of this a little bit because there's more to it. Jefferson soon became president, as we know, in 1801. Yet even then he remained unable to make any progress metricating America. Finally, in 1866, the Metric act came to be legally recognizing the metric system in the US Though not going so far as to make it mandatory in any way. And there's an interesting reason for that. Any guesses where right after the Civil War, the Industrial revolution is like cranking, basically. We're already knee deep in the imperial system with like huge factories, railways. It would be a nightmare to shift massive engineering projects. And there's no Internet. Like, you can't just email people new plans or whatever.
Jake Johnson
You also, once you get the ball rolling on something, you can't do a big shift. It just doesn't quite work with that many people to say like, hey, everybody, this is better. So everybody start doing this. You're like, no way.
Ed Helms
Well, yeah, you just have systems in place that are very, very hard to undo.
Jake Johnson
It's over. It's too late. Even if the systems are wrong, you're like, we're pot committed.
Ed Helms
Yeah. I still think you can make the commitment and then account for the difficulty of the transition in some ways and just know that you're in for a tough slog, but that the other side is like so much better.
Jake Johnson
If you can get there, it. But it takes a generation to sacrifice for the next generation.
Ed Helms
Pretty much you're right, because you're like.
Jake Johnson
Then there's Gonna be like some, like, older guy who's like, I can't wrap my head around the new stuff. And it's like. I know. Yeah, because you've been doing it wrong for 50 years. But I promise you, it's gonna be better in 100 years. And that person needs to go. I see the benefit in this. Exactly.
Ed Helms
It takes. It's a big ask.
Jake Johnson
It's a big ask.
Ed Helms
Have you ever stayed in a hotel in Canada and you're like, the freaking. The thermostat. You're like, what? To get out my phone and do a train?
Jake Johnson
Like, I hate it.
Ed Helms
I cannot get Celsius into my head.
Jake Johnson
Confused by the simple. Like that. Yeah, well, that's what I was talking about on my ribbon, because it's in Celsius. So I'll go like, the temperature in my car is. I'll be like, 13.
Ed Helms
You can change that, Jake. It's a Rivian.
Jake Johnson
I don't know how to add. I'm the real Joseph Tambay.
Ed Helms
Somebody leave in the comments instructions for Jake to change his Rivian from Celsius to Fahrenheit.
Jake Johnson
But by the way, I have no idea what the temperature of my car is ever.
Ed Helms
By the way, Rivian's an American company. It's an American company.
Jake Johnson
I. Believe me, I know. I don't get it, and I hate it. I'll tell you the other thing that. The one thing I'm glad that doesn't exist is that we don't do our weight in stone. That's something I've never been able to wrap my head around.
Ed Helms
Yeah, that's a weird one.
Jake Johnson
When people speak honestly, especially in, like, the MMA community or fighters, we're all be watching something. They'll be like, at that point, he was eight. Eight stone. And I'm like, you're measuring yourself in stones.
Ed Helms
There were.
Jake Johnson
That can't be real.
Ed Helms
There were a lot of weird measurements. Remember, horses are measured in hands. Like, the height of a horse is like. There's like, 30 hands or something. Like, whose hand?
Jake Johnson
What?
Ad Read Voice 1
That's not.
Jake Johnson
Hands are dead. Doesn't make any sense. Or when people still to this day, they'll go like, it's about eight feet. And they'll count their footsteps.
Ed Helms
Right, right.
Jake Johnson
And they'll go, one, two. I'm like, not your eight.
Ed Helms
You're not King Henry. You're not that.
Jake Johnson
You have different feet.
Ed Helms
What?
Jake Johnson
You're not the center of it. I also hate the idea of stone of, like. And then you think at one point, there was one stone where they're like, this is the official stone that you weigh in. I'm like, I hate this idea of people being like, I lost a stone. And I've heard people say that. And I have to go like, that.
Ed Helms
Means nothing to me.
Jake Johnson
I don't get it. I can't wrap my head around I don't know how many pounds of stone is.
Ed Helms
No.
Jake Johnson
It also makes me feel like you live in a different century than me.
Ed Helms
And I think there are a lot of hands measuring horses. There are a lot of unusual metaphors that we use. Or not metaphors, but. But sort of like. Yeah, that still exists. A famous one, of course, is the size of a tumor. Right. We're always. There's no sort of constant reference point for that. It's just sort of like a grapefruit or a softball or a garlic ball.
Jake Johnson
That's exactly. Yeah. It's about the size of a golf ball or a grapefruit. Nothing in between.
Ed Helms
Yeah, yeah.
Jake Johnson
And by the way, at our most important diagnosis, you have a tumor in your brain.
Ad Read Voice 1
Yeah.
Jake Johnson
What's the size of it? It's about a grapefruit. Which. A baby grapefruit.
Ed Helms
Like a small one or a big one? It just. Grapefruit. Like kind of.
Jake Johnson
It's kind of. It's bigger than.
Ed Helms
Yeah. It's bigger than a golf ball. We. And the next.
Jake Johnson
Smaller than a grapefruit.
Ed Helms
Yeah. Can we say tennis ball?
Jake Johnson
No. Can we say. Or orange.
Ed Helms
We don't recognize tennis ball in this hospital, by the way.
Jake Johnson
That's insane. Can you imagine a real doctor will literally go on their little note sheets. The tumor is about the size of a golf ball. Are you nuts?
Ed Helms
This is science.
Jake Johnson
I don't like it.
Venmo Ad Voice
Using Venmo without cash back is like.
Ed Helms
Leaving your wallet open in a wind tunnel.
Venmo Ad Voice
Pick the right card, the Venmo debit card, and let the cash back roll in. It's not a financial miracle, just avoiding a classic everyday snafu. Because with Venmo stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your favorite brands. Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them. And you're free to mix things up. You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every 30 days. Earn more cash when you do more with stash. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at Venmo Me Stashterms for.
Ad Read Voice 1
Period protection you can put on and forget about nothing. Beats Nyx Leak proof underwear. North America's one leak proof underwear brand. Let's face it, life can be unpredictable, but your leak proof underwear shouldn't be. That's why millions of people choose Nyx for periods, for light leaks, for everyday freshness. Nyx undies are super comfy, super absorbent and made to handle whatever your day throws at you. Day two of your period covered your daily run. No problem. That big sneeze? You know the one? Yep. We've got you. And with styles like bikinis, boy shorts, thongs and high rise plus sizes from extra small to 4XL, NYX makes it easy to find your perfect fit. Say goodbye to stress and leaks and say hello to undies that work just as hard as you do, no matter the leak. Find the style and level of protection you want@nyx.com and use code FLO15 for 15% off. That's K-N-Com code flow 15 for 15% off nicks for your leaks for your life.
Tara Davis Woodhull
Hey, this is U.S. olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull.
Hunter Woodhull
And I'm U.S. paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.
Tara Davis Woodhull
As athletes, our lives are about having.
Hunter Woodhull
A clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.
Tara Davis Woodhull
So when it came to getting the.
Hunter Woodhull
Best mortgage, we chose PennyMac.
Tara Davis Woodhull
PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you.
PennyMac Legal/Info Voice
Learn more at pennymac.com PennyMac Loans Services LLC equal housing lender NMLS ID 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Conditions and restrictions may apply.
Ad Read Voice 2
Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script. With listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it, that's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise. And Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win, not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com.
Ed Helms
In 1975, the metric conversion act designated the METRC system as the preferred system for U.S. trade and commerce and directed federal agencies to convert to metrc. Slowly but surely, we started making progress to catch up with the world. But clearly adoption by the broader population remains totally voluntary and therefore extremely, extremely slow. Yes.
Jake Johnson
Well, if it's not mandatory, the change isn't going to occur.
Ed Helms
No, absolutely not. Do you want it to, like, do you. Are you prometric? Even knowing it would be a pain in the ass for a bit. Like, would you.
Jake Johnson
I'm going to be perfectly honest. Before this call, I don't think I've ever thought about it.
Ed Helms
That's okay. I'm asking you.
Jake Johnson
So I can't. I can't say I'm. I would say with the way my brain works and how slow it is with change.
Ed Helms
Oh, no, that's.
Jake Johnson
Keep it as it is.
Ed Helms
I think that's a shitty take.
Jake Johnson
I know it's not a great take.
Ed Helms
I love you, but I think like, you know, for the, for the good of humanity, like, metric is just better.
Jake Johnson
So if you were king, you would say we're switching right now?
Ed Helms
I would say I would put our best minds on, like, figuring out a transition.
Jake Johnson
How do you find the best minds at. At this point? Well, the best mind back then used to take his clothes off for sculptures. The best mind when pirates came. His first thought was, I'm going to dress up like a Spaniard.
Ed Helms
You're right that the. That my idea is predicated on the assumption that we can locate the best mines. These days that seems extremely hard.
Jake Johnson
It's impossible.
Ed Helms
I feel like in science it shouldn't be that tricky, but whatever. So whatever happened to Dombey's mysterious kilo and meter rod?
Jake Johnson
What a find.
Ed Helms
Yeah, we know where it is. It landed in the lap of an American surveyor, Andrew Ellicott, who became famous for his work on the street plan for Washington D.C. around 1952. The Ellicott family eventually realized that they had something special, the descendants of Andrew Ellicott. And they turned the pieces of plundered treasure over to the agency that would become the National Institute of Standards and Technology.
Jake Johnson
That's cool.
Ed Helms
Which is a really kind of a cool sounding institute. I don't know. It's like people who really care about precise things.
Jake Johnson
Ed, do you really care about precision?
Ed Helms
I think I do, almost involuntarily.
Jake Johnson
You like it?
Ed Helms
I'm not like a tidy, fastidious person, but I do. I am like. I'M crafty with hobby stuff, and I am very meticulous about sort of, like, things fitting and measuring properly. I'm also weirdly, and this is to my own detriment, I am weirdly obsessed with clarity. When people are speaking or trying to make a point with me, I get very frustrated if they're unclear or if they're, like, interesting or if they just drop. Forget to sort of give me a piece of context. I'm like, how am I supposed to know? What do you mean?
Jake Johnson
What is that?
Ed Helms
And it's not rational or fair, but.
Jake Johnson
It'S just how you are.
Ed Helms
But I think there is something about that, like, precision in communication is, like, incredibly important to me. And I'm not even that good necessarily. I'm not like.
Jake Johnson
But I understand what you're saying.
Ed Helms
It drives me nuts when somebody's unclear.
Jake Johnson
Yeah, totally. That's neat. That's neat. Well, it's different.
Ed Helms
Yeah, it is a weird thing.
Jake Johnson
I mean, it's. At least it's different from my life view. So that's why I asked where you said, like, that museum sounded interesting. And I think for me, precision is the exact details of things being right. Never interested me. I love the in between. I love the gray area. I love the when things fall off the rails. If things are all going well and it all falls off, that's when I'm like, oh, excited.
Ed Helms
Yeah, I hear that.
Jake Johnson
I've just as. Even as a kid, I've always liked. I'm like, oh, it just. That's when things are fun for me.
Ed Helms
I feel that about you, Jake. And I will say it's an incredibly endearing aspect of you. I really. I admire that.
Jake Johnson
I feel the same with you about yours, Ed. I admire that about you, truly.
Ed Helms
It might speak a little bit to how we approach comedy and storytelling differently. And I find acting and improvising with you to be, like, so fun. Like, you're one of the most present people to improvise with. I always. I sort of can't believe the things you're clocking. Cause it's so in the moment and in the space, and it makes me. You'll clock the most random, specific things, and it makes me laugh so hard, and I love. It's truly a joy.
Jake Johnson
Well, I feel the same about you, but I feel what's really neat about this moment is what I like about you is I think we're playing very different games. And I like being in scenes with you because I'm like. Like, for example, my podcast is very loose. We take Calls. We have no idea what's happening. Everything is meant to be a mistake.
Ed Helms
I came on your podcast with no idea what was happening.
Jake Johnson
No idea. And same for me on this one. And what I was like, oh, this is so Ed to me. Yeah, it's really interesting information where you've done a lot of work, you've prepared it, you have not bullshitted through a story, you have prepared and told all these different beats. And you have moments where you're like, there could be an interjection here where I was like, oh, this is an Ed formula. And mine, we're here to help is such a Jake formula where it's, hey, you're here, we're recording. Yeah, have a caller come on. What are they saying?
Ed Helms
I don't know.
Jake Johnson
Hopefully something goes wrong and then we've got 25 minutes.
Ed Helms
I also love that. And, and this is. I'm delighted to be sort of plugging your podcast in this moment too, because it is so funny. And the premise, I think you told me, like, a few minutes into the podcast, you're like, oh, yeah. And by the way, we have to agree with the caller. Like, we have to take the caller's side in this whole thing.
Jake Johnson
They try to, no matter what, be on their team, so they're our friends.
Ed Helms
And what I love about that, and what is so Jake to me about that is how ludicrously arbitrary that is. It's like, this is just a. This will make things interesting. This will message things up. Like, this will just. This will just keep everyone off balance. This will make everyone have to like, like, condition their answer in such a ridiculous way that you can't. You can't rely on your tricks and your tools and your whatever, your instincts. It's like, no, no, we're gonna take. We're just gonna make this arbitrary rule. And it just makes me. Like, that by itself makes me laugh.
Jake Johnson
Well, because if you were, if you were allowed to disagree, then a lot of us would come on and go, no, let me tell you how it should be.
Ed Helms
Sure.
Jake Johnson
And I'm like, but if they're driving the train and all we're doing, if they're the star player on the team and it's our job to make sure they win, then you go, like, their logic's crazy, but I have to be with them. It's like being on the ship with Joseph. It's being Joseph Dalbay's, you know, right hand man and being like, okay, my man, I can't tell you. No, I wish you had pants on. But you want to dress up like a Spaniard, my man. Me too, me too. And then you're going, hello, this is Jose, I am Juan. And they go, this is bullshit. And you go, hey Joe, that was not the best plan, right? That to me is so joyful.
Ed Helms
Oh, Jake Johnson, another damn delightful hang out with you. Thanks so much for coming on.
Jake Johnson
I feel the same about you, Ed.
Ed Helms
I love you buddy. Really fun. Right on. Snafu is a production of iHeart podcasts and snafu Media, a partnership between Film Nation Entertainment and Pacific Electric Picture Company. Post production and creative support from Good Egg Audio. Our executive producers are me, Ed Helms.
Venmo Ad Voice
Mike Falbo, Glenn Basner, Andy Kim and Dylan Fagan.
Ed Helms
This episode was produced by Alyssa Martino and Tori Smith. Our managing producer is Carl Nellis. Our video editor is Jared Smith.
Venmo Ad Voice
Technical direction and engineering from Nick Dooley.
Ed Helms
Additional story editing from Carl Nellis. Our creative executive is Brett Harris. Logo and branding by Matt Gossen and.
Venmo Ad Voice
The Collected Works Legal review from Dan.
Ed Helms
Welch, Megan Halson and Caroline Johnson. Special thanks thanks to Isaac Dunham, Adam Horne, Lane Klein, and everyone at iHeart podcasts, but especially Will Pearson, Carrie Lieberman, and Nikki Ator. While I have you, don't forget to.
Venmo Ad Voice
Pick up a copy of my book.
Ed Helms
The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups. It's available now from any book retailer. Just go to snafu-book.com thanks for listening and see you next week.
Ad Read Voice 1
Foreign.
Ad Read Voice 2
There's a difference between liking a house and actually getting it. Redfin is built to make up that difference and close the gap between finding and owning the home for you. Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents, so when you find a home you love, you're not a step behind when it comes to making an offer. That means less watching great homes disappear and more focus on the one you'll call home. Redfin helps turn saved listings into real addresses. Get started@redfin.com own the dream well, the.
Mint Mobile Ad Voice
Holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift. Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now, you call it an early present for next year.
Jake Johnson
What do you have to lose?
Mint Mobile Ad Voice
Give it a try@mintmobile.com com switch limited.
Ad Read Voice 1
Time 50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or $180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy. See Terms. This is an I heart podcast.
Ad Read Voice 2
Guaranteed human.
Date: February 18, 2026
In this episode of SNAFU, Ed Helms welcomes the always-hilarious Jake Johnson (actor, comedian, co-host of "We're Here to Help") to dive into one of history's great "almosts": how the U.S. came within a hair's breadth of adopting the metric system, only to have that destiny foiled by a mix of misfortune and pirates. Through witty banter, storytelling, and their signature comedic chemistry, Ed and Jake explore the tragicomic saga of French scientist Joseph Dombey, attempted diplomatic gifts, and the American resistance to metrication.
“If I break my arms, not for Jake. I'm expecting visitors.” – Jake Johnson [04:31]
“It was a Greyhound airplane is what it was.” – Ed Helms [07:10]
“Kings get beheaded, governments collapse, but the planet is constant.” – Ed Helms [09:10]
“Congress was Hollywood executives. When you try to pitch original IP. Nah. Pass.” – Jake Johnson [11:50]
“He was a seasoned transatlantic explorer. Unfortunately, he had also spectacularly bad luck.” – Ed Helms [18:33]
“I know this as a fact. He was wearing no bottoms during the thing.” – Jake Johnson [17:32]
“You imagine…guys, these are government sanctioned pirates. And your captain goes, everybody take off your clothes.” – Jake Johnson [23:11]
“Our best shot at going metric sank into the crystal blue Caribbean.” – Ed Helms [26:33]
“More people would have had more access to science and to engineering, and we would be in a more interesting place.” – Ed Helms [27:38]
“When people speak honestly…they’ll be like, at that point, he was eight stone. And I’m like, you’re measuring yourself in stones?” – Jake Johnson [31:39]
“If it's not mandatory, the change isn't going to occur.” – Jake Johnson [37:50]
“I love the in between. I love the gray area. I love when things fall off the rails.” – Jake Johnson [41:07] “Precision in communication is, like, incredibly important to me.” – Ed Helms [40:44]
On Hollywood and Congress:
“Congress was Hollywood executives. When you try to pitch original IP. Nah. Pass.” – Jake Johnson [11:50]
On Dombey’s Catastrophic Voyage:
“He was a seasoned transatlantic explorer. Unfortunately, he had also spectacularly bad luck.” – Ed Helms [18:33]
On Weird Measurement Units:
“I have never been able to wrap my head around [stone]. When people speak honestly, especially in like, the MMA community…they’ll be like, at that point, he was eight stone. And I’m like, you’re measuring yourself in stones?” – Jake Johnson [31:39]
On American Reluctance:
“If it's not mandatory, the change isn't going to occur.” – Jake Johnson [37:50] “For the good of humanity, metric is just better.” – Ed Helms [38:23]
On Personal Philosophies:
“I love the in between. I love the gray area. I love when things fall off the rails.” – Jake Johnson [41:07] “Precision in communication is, like, incredibly important to me.” – Ed Helms [40:44]
True to the SNAFU spirit, the episode is a perfect blend of historical storytelling, banter, and irreverence. Ed’s deep dives and sleek narration pair perfectly with Jake’s comedic riffs—poking at historical absurdities, Americana quirks, and the unending comedy of human error. There’s warmth and mutual respect, making the learning effortless and fun.
For more SNAFU and to pick up "The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups," visit snafu-book.com.