Nika Singh (5:16)

Murdo Messer was not one of those animal lovers who was destined to save wildlife, who'd applied to a million veterinarian schools back in the day. He was just a college student who studied a little bit of everything and who liked to play Nintendo. That's actually how he met Helene. She was the veterinarian that had just moved into the upstairs apartment.

Murdo Messer (5:35)

I remember one day that I was lying on the floor playing a Nintendo video game, and I hear somebody coming down the stairs. And I look around, and it's Helene. And she goes, hey, whatcha doing? I said, oh, I'm just playing a video game here. And she asked if I minded if she played, and I said, no, come on over. So I handed a controller to her, and we just played Nintendo together for a while. So that was our first introduction to each other playing Nintendo. And I later found out that Helene wasn't interested in video games at all, that she was actually interested in me. But I was so dense, I didn't even notice. I thought she enjoyed playing games. So it was kind of funny.

Nika Singh (6:13)

At some point, they put the controllers down and started taking long drives around Newfoundland Together. And one in particular stands out.

Murdo Messer (6:22)

You're driving across pretty much barren landscape and really rocky, cliffy coastline and looking out across the Atlantic Ocean and beautiful sunny blue sky day, experiencing being away from home with this woman that I really liked, listening to new music, enjoying this person company. It was magical time. It was fun. I felt. I felt very, very alive.

Nika Singh (6:51)

Well, is there a song that, from that moment that really sticks out to you?

Murdo Messer (6:55)

I think it was. I think it was a solo album from one of the Eagles guys. It was the last lonely evening you'll ever spend. Whatever that song was, that one Helene played a lot. It was a subtle hint from Helene that she wanted me to be with her. Right.

Nika Singh (7:17)

Yeah, you get the point. They moved in together, and then there was that one morning, the first time Helene asked Murdo if he'd come help her out at the clinic.

Murdo Messer (7:26)

So I said, sure, no problem. I thought it'd be kind of cool to go in and see the backside of a veterinary clinic. You know, you don't often get to see the surgery suite and all the stuff that goes on. It was Canada Day, which is similar to July 4th for the United States. And Helene had to go in for an animal that had been a small dog that had been bitten by a larger dog. And she said, you know, can you come in and be with me? Because, you know, sometimes helpful to have somebody else there in case the animal needs to be held or just to just another body around to grab something. You get to see all the behind the scenes medical equipment, the anesthetic machine, the X ray machine, the ultrasound machine, and the blood work labs, all that sort of stuff. So I was just really excited and fascinated by all of it. And it was kind of fun to, you know, help my girlfriend at the time who was doing this really cool work. To be a veterinarian, to me was like being a surgeon or being an astronaut. It was a cool job, right, for this ordinary guy. Right.

Nika Singh (8:29)

Murdo watched transfixed as Helene carefully put the mask on the tiny dog, cleaned and flushed its wounds with syringes, and then began to stitch it back up.

Murdo Messer (8:38)

The way Helene worked, she was always very calm, and she would speak in a soft voice and she would ask me to hand over gauze. So I would take some gauze and pass it over or hand over a forcep, and I'd be like, well, what the heck's that? And she'd just point to it on the table, pass me that, and say, okay, here you go. To watch a professional at work and see them methodically and slowly going through steps that are necessary to do what's got to be done while you're thinking, no, no, you got to move faster. You got to make this happen now. Right? This animal is hurting. But, you know, that's not the right response. The right response is to do exactly what she did. She was a little sweaty from having worked under the heat of the lamps in the OR for about an hour. So we were both looking a little bit bedraggled at the time. But she looked pretty hot to me. Having just, you know, watched her save a little animal's life, I think, you know, it elevated her as a girlfriend. Multiple steps in that moment. I bought a ring. It wasn't a. I didn't have a lot of money. I wasn't. I still didn't have a good job, but it was all I could afford. So I guess my worry was that the ring wouldn't be good enough for her, or she wouldn't like it, or it would, you know, be not what she had expected. So I had the ring, and I had, you know, a suit I was going to wear picked out.

Nika Singh (10:05)

And he made reservations with the Hungry Fisherman. Everything was set.

Murdo Messer (10:09)

And I said to Helen, hey, let's go for a nice romantic dinner on February 14, right? It's Valentine's Day. I booked the Hungry Fisherman. Are you interested in going? And she said, oh, yes. Yeah, that sounds great.

Nika Singh (10:19)

But unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

Glenn Washington (10:36)

Snappers. It is not over. The gods of love can't be cruel. But Cupid's arrow is strong. Stay tuned. Welcome back to Snap Judgment. Birdzilla. When last we left, Murdo had just scraped together all the money he could to buy the love of his life an engagement ring. Snap judgment.

Murdo Messer (11:30)

I bought a ring. I didn't have a lot of money. It wasn't very pretty, to be honest with you, but it was all I could afford.

Nika Singh (11:36)

He had a ring, he got a suit, and he made reservations at the Hungry Fisherman. Everything was set.

Murdo Messer (11:42)

And I said to him, hey, let's go for a nice romantic dinner on February 14, right? It's Valentine's Day. I booked the Hungry Fisherman. Are you interested in going? And she said, oh, yes. Yeah, that sounds great.

Nika Singh (11:53)

But unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

Murdo Messer (11:56)

It was probably in the afternoon when she got the call. The day before Valentine's Day, the 13th. I could tell right away from her tone that it was probably something serious. She said, hey, there's oil spill in Placentia Bay and they're asking if I can come help Coordinate some of the effort to look after the wildlife. I know we have something planned for tomorrow, but do you mind if I go? So in my mind I'm going, man, we got plans for tomorrow night. This isn't going to work, right? But I kind of set that aside because I knew obviously what was much more important was, was her helping out with these animals. And I said, hell no. Go, definitely go. And so she then continued our conversation and hung up.

Nika Singh (12:50)

She was coming back the day after Valentine's Day and he was all set to try again. So he called up the Hungry Fisherman.

Murdo Messer (12:58)

And it's one of those restaurants that's really cool. It's kind of like a cavern. It's got these old stone archways that are alcoves with candles lit in them. So it's really, well, mood lit, cool kind of space. So I was starting to feel a bit nervous as the time came up. So once the table was cleared from the main meal, I slipped my hand into my jacket pocket and pulled out the little box and kind of then got down on my knee beside her and looked up at her with the ring, opened it and said, helene, would you marry me? And she was, she was quite surprised. I think she was generally not expecting it at all. So that was kind of fun to see her reaction. And then she paused a moment and then said, yes, I'd love to.

Nika Singh (13:54)

So it was just the two of them, kind of. Actually, it was never just the two of them because they did have the one dog and the two birds who were their pets. But then they also got the seven baby starlings who needed constant feeding, and then a few baby squirrels and also a hairy woodpecker. Or it could have been the blue jay or a robin. He wasn't totally sure.

Murdo Messer (14:15)

I remember one night after a long, busy day, Khalid and I were lying in bed. She would say, there are nine heartbeats in this house. And so I mentally do the math in my head. Yep, you, me, the dogs. Oh, right. The starling, the blue jay, the groundhog, the squirrel. So it's like, like somebody who brings home one cat and then brings home another and brings on another. All of a sudden you have seven or eight cats in the house. And it's like we're, we're the cat people. So we became the wildlife people. So we wouldn't be eating supper till 10:30, 11:00 clock at night, going to sleep around midnight, getting up sometimes five in the morning, because that's when the sun gets up and that's when the babies start screaming. Their heads off to be fed. Baby birds especially. And after a while, you're starting to feel like a zombie. So I'd be up before her and then in bed before her, and she would be up after me and in bed after me. So often sometimes, you know, it was. It was almost like ships passing in the night. It's like, oh, nice to see you. Okay, let's go. It was a very busy time and very exhausting sometimes. Wonder how we managed to make it through that.

Nika Singh (15:32)

It was a very busy time because so often when Helene would be treating a wild animal at the clinic and she knew it could be euthanized, she brought it home. If she thought they had a chance, she was going to give it to them.

Murdo Messer (15:44)

She always said that if the bird has a will to live, if it shows improvement each time we look at it, then we'll keep going. She stood her ground every time. And she was right. She was totally right. And good for her.

Nika Singh (16:02)

But a house wasn't going to do it. You could only store so many animals inside your basement. And so they decided to turn the bottom of their house into a staging area and started to build out the rest of their property. First they built a songbird enclosure, eventually a nursery, and even a giant flyway for birds of prey. At the most, they had nine structures on a one acre plot. They called it the Cobequid Wildlife Rehabilitation Center. It means the coming together of two rivers.

Murdo Messer (16:29)

It was kind of like jumping in feet first into the deep end when we first started, because neither of us really had a lot of experience with large birds of prey. There was one time where we had it actually under anesthetic and somehow the oxygen got turned off on the anesthetic machine. So the bird started to wake up on the table. And when I saw that, I reached over to grab a hold of his legs and I got a hold of one of them, but missed the other one. And one talon punctured blood vessel in my forearm and actually heard it go pop. And that was a surprise to me because I didn't think blood vessels would do that. And blood started coming out of it. I like, okay, but I didn't let go of the bird. I grabbed hold of the other leg until we were able to get it back under anesthetic and then look after myself and take care of the puncture wound. So, yeah, an eagle is a dangerous thing to look after if you don't know what you're doing. It could latch onto your arm, for example, with its talons, and those talons Would go right to your bone in your arm. You could bleed out pretty fast. So these animals are dangerous to handle, and you have to know what you're doing when you handle them.

Nika Singh (17:38)

But it was working. They pinned a fractured leg on a great horned owl, splinted a broken wing on an eagle. And then one day, a large plywood box arrived at their door. And in it was the biggest flying creature he'd ever seen.

Murdo Messer (17:53)

And I, you know, I donned my safety gloves. We have these big leather gauntlets that go up to your shoulders. They're designed for handling birds of prey, so their talents can't go through them. And face shield. And then I stepped into the little box. You know, normally when I hold a bald eagle, I would hold it in front of me, legs down, and the head would come up to maybe in the middle of my chest, and the tail feathers would maybe be down to my knees. This one, the tail feathers are down to my shins, and the head was almost just below my chin. It was a massive bird. It's the biggest bird I've ever handled.

Nika Singh (18:37)

But he also noticed something else while holding her.

Murdo Messer (18:40)

I can kind of read the bird's body by holding it. And this one, I felt, had very little life in it at all. It was so listless. It was like a limp rag dollar just completely out of it. So, you know, I didn't think it had a chance. So picking her up and putting her on the exam table, I was on the fence about this birth's chances for survival. Helene, on the other hand, said that if it shows improvement each time we look at it, then we'll keep going. So we started treating it for lead poisoning right away.

Nika Singh (19:22)

Helene gave it medication that would bind to the lead, allowing the body to pass it out through the kidneys so that in the end, the eagle would excrete it. But you can only really reverse lead poisoning to a certain degree after a certain level.

Murdo Messer (19:35)

The damage to all the tissues, the brain and the organs, is probably permanent, and it's not possible to bring it back from that. We've seen one in this condition before and is likely, you know, it was going to go the same way.

Nika Singh (19:50)

When a hunter goes out and kills a deer with a lead bullet and goes and field dresses it so they remove the parts of the body that they want and then leave the rest of the parts there for nature. It's kind of like closing the circle of life. And theoretically, it's a good idea. But the problem is that lead is a really soft metal, and so microscopic bits of that metal are left inside of those animal remains. And when an eagle comes to scavenge on it, they end up becoming poisoned by those little microscopic pieces of lead. And one time that stands out a lot to Myrto was during this particular hunting season when they got five bald eagles in one weekend.

Murdo Messer (20:30)

You know, after the first couple of eagles that came in that were poisoned and we were hopeful that we could save them, I remember just, like, looking at the. At the last one that we had and just looked at me and said, it's. It's lead, and I can't save it, and I have to euthanize it because it's going to die. And she kind of just threw her arms up and I held it, and I could feel as his body went limp. And it goes from this. This tense, sometimes angry creature that you're trying to hold on to because you want to help it, to a limp sack of, like, potatoes. It goes to this dead weight in your arms and has zero life left in it. And his eyes cloud over, and it's just a sadness as this life ends.

Nika Singh (21:34)

As Murdo stood there holding yet another badly poisoned eagle, he was pretty doubtful. They were both doubtful, actually. But Helene was also quietly adamant that as long as it wasn't going to degrade the next day, they'd keep going.

Murdo Messer (21:50)

The second day, where she was not responding very well to the fluid therapy and was still lying down on the floor of the enclosure and had the raspy breath that we see in all the live poison eagles.

Nika Singh (22:05)

On the third day, when Murdo was getting ready to move the eagle for her treatment, he thought that since she was so subdued, that perhaps this could be a teaching moment.

Murdo Messer (22:15)

Okay, here's an opportunity for one of the volunteers to learn how to pick up the bird from the box rather than just having it handed to them by me, it was like picking up a pigeon or easier than picking up a pigeon. So we thought, perfect. This would be a great bird to learn on. As soon as we approached the box, the bird was nuts. It was a completely different bird. It went from the day before where it was weak and having its head hanging down like it had no energy whatsoever to, like, Tasmanian devil wanting to get the hell out of there as fast as possible. She was literally banging around in the box, jumping up, knocking her head off the lid, banging around the heat lamp. It was literally ringing around. It was a ruckus. And I thought, okay, this is gonna be interesting when I grab this bird, because A is so big, B, it is totally pissed off, right now it sure as hell didn't want to come. And once I got a hold of it, the difference in strength in that bird from the day before was incredible. There was this fury that I had never experienced before in handling a bald eagle. It just was. I felt anger and rage in this animal. It was. It was doing all it could to get away from me, and it wanted absolutely nothing whatsoever to be done to it or to be held. And it was all I could do with my own strength to hang on to her. And you can only do that for so long, and eventually you have to yield. And she was starting to wear me out. I could feel the intensity of her breathing through my chest because her back was right up against my chest. I could feel her heartbeat through my chest. It was pounding. She was trying to escape, and she was giving it everything she had. That's when we called her Birdzilla. It's like, okay, this is a big bird. It's insane. This is. This is totally a Birdzilla. And from that moment on, I was the only person who could really handle that bird. And it was always a fight. Every single time I took it out of an enclosure, it was a fight.

Glenn Washington (24:52)

Don't touch that dial because Birdzilla has risen and she is just getting started. Stay tuned. Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the Birdzilla special. My name is Lynn Washington, and when last we left, Murdo had just had the fight of his life trying to hold on to a giant eagle. What to do next? Snap Judgment.

Murdo Messer (25:45)

That's when we called her Birdzilla. It's like, okay, this is a big bird. It's insane. This is. This is totally Birdzilla. And from that moment on, I was the only person who could really handle that bird. And it was always a fight. Every single time I took it out of an enclosure, it was a fight. There's a lot more to an eagle flying than just being strong. And I knew that Birdzilla was strong, but I wasn't sure that maybe she had some other damage from the lead, maybe some issues with her vision, their ability to know their balance. Balance is extremely important, and one of the things that lead can do can really disrupt an eagle's ability to balance and ability to see. So it was also vitally important to make sure that she was able to. To fly and fly coordinated in the big gly. So that's why we decided to take her down to.

Helene Van Donick (26:51)

All right, let's take her down to.

Murdo Messer (26:52)

The flyway and see what she could do.

Nika Singh (26:57)

So he wrangled Birdzilla from her cage. And along with Helene and some volunteers, they entered the big Geasly, a huge barn shaped building constructed specifically for birds of prey.

Murdo Messer (27:12)

The first impression of walking into the flyway is kind of like. It's kind of like the impression you get when you walk into a cathedral. It forces you to look up right away. There's lots of light. Light spills in through all the vertical slats that encompass the walls. There's a stillness that envelops you. I often call the big Geasley the Eagle cathedral because it's got that feel.

Nika Singh (27:40)

To it and it's huge.

Murdo Messer (27:42)

You could easily fit a double decker bus in there multiple times. It's a very large building. When we were thinking about the design for this place, we wanted to build it such that two eagles could fly side by side down the flywheel and an eagle. The largest wingspan of an eagle is roughly 8ft. So we calculated 16ft would work pretty well.

Nika Singh (28:03)

It's basically an oval shaped racetrack for eagles.

Murdo Messer (28:08)

Everybody stood with their backs to the outside wall on the bottom end of the building. And I slowly lowered Birdzilla to the ground and lifted the blanket off of her and stepped back and immediately she me told, took three steps forward and kind of looked around and then took off. Oh, I see. Which was great. She went past and the birds came down the other side of the flyway and immediately grabbed a hold of a small hatch we had put in one of the walls. Okay, I'm not so secure how secure that door is, thinking that, you know, if we could never catch a bird in the. In the big G's lead, then we can open this hatch and the bird finds all the way out. And she grabbed a hold of that and was shaking the crap out of it. And I was like, I can't remember how well I secured that. Did I actually make sure that that can't open? And for. For a few seconds we were all like, oh my God, I hope she doesn't pop that open and get out, because that would be awful. But she shook it for probably about five seconds and then let go of it and then drop down onto the ground and kind of look back at us like, okay, yeah. All right. She'd probably let her be.

Nika Singh (29:21)

In a few days. It was clear that Birdzilla was ready to go back home. So they set their sights on a Saturday.

Murdo Messer (29:42)

Let's get a hold of our legs.

Helene Van Donick (29:43)

What?

Murdo Messer (29:44)

Get a hold of our legs. That's one of the talons clipping the glove.

Helene Van Donick (29:52)

Watch your wings there.

Murdo Messer (29:53)

Watch, watch.

Helene Van Donick (29:55)

Okay, hon yeah, she came in a little bit thin, but. No, that's fine.

Murdo Messer (30:06)

Okay.

Nika Singh (30:10)

When they got up to catch her for her release, they saw clear skies, a great big sun, and they were greeted by a fresh blanket of snow from the night before. The world looked brand new.

Murdo Messer (30:21)

Good.

Helene Van Donick (30:22)

Yeah.

Murdo Messer (30:23)

Franklin Rose. Hurrah. So as we got closer to the release location, which was a town called New Glasgow, just north of our center here in Nova Scotia, Birdzilla, who was initially pretty quiet at the beginning of the journey, started to become more active in the cage. So Helene is driving. I'm in the front seat, and in the back of the car is the crate in which Birdzilla is in. And every once in a while, you'll hear this thump as she jumps, and you hear and feel the cage rattle in the back of the car. So as we get closer, this is happening more often. Helene and I noticed when we were taking animals for release, as we got closer and closer to where they were to be released, if it was where they came from, they would become more and more agitated in the. In the kennel. As we got closer and we make our way to the property where Birdzilla was found, and it basically is opposite the tree, which is across the river, where Barzilla and her mate have been seen quite often in the past. So it was a great location for a release because it was wide open from the property out over the river. And there was quite a few people. People who found the bird have joined us there, and the wildlife officer who. Who had caught it and brought it to us, plus the volunteers who had helped work with this bird. And so those probably about 15 people. And normally our releases are fairly quiet affairs. Often it was just me and Helene. So it's a beautiful vista. It's a really nice spot. And as soon as we had put the kennel down, Barzilla was already rattling the door and jumping around. She sensed the change in movement, and the sense and probably the change in the air is very similar to that opening scene to Jurassic park, where the animal is banging around. Right. It's trying to get out. You can see the eyeball looking at you through the slats. And we have everybody gathered behind the kennels. So the only thing Birdzilla can see is the open space in front of her. She doesn't see people because, of course, people are a threat. And she may fly away from her, which would be towards the property or towards trees or power lines, which we don't want that to happen. I'm not usually behind the kennel I'm usually off at a diagonal, so I can see the front of the candle, and I can see the people who are behind it, the person about to open the doors to release her. And I can see Helene as well, quite clearly. As I'm waiting for the candle door to be opened, I glance over and see Helene, and I see her tension in the way that she has her hands clasped in front of her chest. There's always that doubt, that little doubt in her mind that maybe something is different when we release the bird, because until actually leaves the candle and takes flight, she's always, always nervous and prepared for what if, because she's ultimately responsible for it. Scott, don't.

Glenn Washington (33:51)

See if you can grab him now.

Murdo Messer (33:52)

No.

Helene Van Donick (33:55)

Oh, my God.

Murdo Messer (33:58)

Let's see where she goes.

Helene Van Donick (34:00)

Oh, isn't that nice? Spectacular. She knows where she is. She knows exactly where she is. She's going right to that tree.

Murdo Messer (34:07)

Yeah. She knew exactly where she was and exactly what she was doing. Przilla was out like a rocket. She barely had the door open when the bird was already stepping through the. The doorway, one foot on the ground, wings beat down, and leapt straight into the air and just took off like a rocket. She just made a beeline for the tree across the river as fast as she could go. It was a perfect release. It was beautiful. And when the bird comes out and takes off and takes flight, I can just see this. This release and this relief on Helene's face. And she lets go of her hands and she does this little kind of jump and clap, like, yes, it worked. The bird's free. It's flying. It's a really nice moment, and I can really see the happiness on her face and the joy. So the really cool thing that happened after that was we saw another eagle kind of flying along the river high above and slowly making its way over. And so some of us were thinking that it was her mate, because Birdzille had been seen with another eagle before she got sick by the people who watched them.

Helene Van Donick (35:31)

I know. My God.

Murdo Messer (35:35)

Yay. Look, her mate's come back to join her.

Helene Van Donick (35:38)

She feels home here. Oh, yeah.

Murdo Messer (35:42)

It's the first time we've seen a mate come back and see the eagle that we had just returned, who had been sick and gone for several weeks. And so we were pretty excited about that. But it swooped Barzilla a couple times, and then Barzilla took off and went after that bird and was basically telling this other bird in no uncertain terms it wasn't her mate. And this was something some other Bird encroaching on their territory and it looked like they were going to get into a fight and they started doing, you know, aggressive maneuvers towards each other. And oftentimes when eagles fight they'll lock talons and they'll spiral down towards the ground and sometimes they'll let go before they hit the ground but other times they don't. And often they can, they can die from crashing into the ground or get injured from crashing into the ground. And we sure as hell didn't want to see that happen to Birdzilla. Like, ah, come on, no, not now, right, don't. After all we've done for you. Don't get hurt, don't get hurt. So it was a bit of a nail biting moment seeing this happen. But the, the bird she, she went after just left the scene, said, okay, I'm not having anything to do with this massive angry woman, angry female eagle. I'm taking off, I'm out of here. So she flew away and Birdzilla settled again on the tree. Yeah. And then, and then shortly afterwards another bird showed. Another eagle showed up and circled around for a little bit and then slowly landed on the branch that she was sitting on. And this one was clearly her, clearly her mate because the a, that Birdzilla let this bird land so close to it and it was smaller than Birdzilla so we assumed it was the male. And just their behavior and the way they, they kind of stood next to each other quite comfortably on the same perch, it made a good, made for a good guess that they were mates. They kind of sort of would turn heads towards each other and you could, you got a sense of somebody was saying where the hell have you been? And somebody else was saying who the hell was that? So you wondered if they were talking to each other in terms of husband and wife, like, okay, what's been going on while I've been gone? And the other one saying, well where the hell have you been? Gone. It was fun to watch this little moment between two birds that were obviously well connected with each other. I don't think I've ever seen another, another reunion of that kind, either eagle or otherwise. I think that's the only one we've ever experienced in person. I don't think I've seen it before or since.

Nika Singh (38:38)

They drove home together in a quiet joy and Myrto didn't know it at the time, but it was the kind of moment they wouldn't get many more of in all of their long days and nights caring for the health of these birds. And these animals, they didn't realize something was also wrong with Helene.

Murdo Messer (38:57)

So it was kind of a really bad day because, you know, I was at work and I got home and Helene was not where she normally was. She was upstairs in bed. And that was unusual. And I asked. I could tell right away that something was wrong, but she didn't want to tell me because it was my birthday, of course. Right. She was always thinking of others. So the first. Yeah, the first of May, in 2017, she was diagnosed. When Helene was diagnosed with it, it was not. It was probably still the first stage. But with ovarian cancer, it's really a crapshoot because it could. It could develop really quickly, or it could take its time as it spreads to other parts of the body. But she also a determined person, an optimistic person. So whatever treatment options were available, she was going to take them if she could.

Nika Singh (39:55)

Helene had a rare form of ovarian cancer. She tried chemotherapy. She underwent an experimental trial, but nothing was really effective.

Murdo Messer (40:09)

It was basically slowing stuff down, but it wasn't killing any of the cancer cells. All the while she was going through these treatments and losing her hair and all the chemotherapy and cancer treatment, Helene continued to drive to distant locations and do lead presentations, to talk to hunters and anglers about lead poisoning, continue to look after the animals at the center and to do the examinations and all the treatments required.

Nika Singh (40:43)

And In July of 2018, she came to speak before the board of the wildlife center she helped start.

Murdo Messer (40:50)

I think that was the first time I'd actually heard her speak as if she wasn't going to get better. She knew she was dying. She knew it was. She knew it was her last meeting. And one of the things she asked of us, if at all possible, if we could keep this in her going, because she was really the driving force behind it. She was the. You know, she was the chief veterinarian. She had all this experience and knowledge to put towards it, and that was her passion, her life. It was everything to her. So she asked if we could make it, if we could keep it going. It was a surprise because we never talked about it between ourselves. We were always positive with each other. And, you know, even though I'm sure both of us in our own minds were thinking, this isn't going well, neither of us was going to admit that to the other. Right. Because you don't want to let your partner think that you. That you don't think they're going to survive. Right. You always want to be as positive thinking and as strong for them. As they are trying to be for you.

Nika Singh (42:16)

Did you ever feel upset that she was, you know, still focusing so much on animals?

Murdo Messer (42:22)

Yeah, I think I don't. It was a mixture of frustration for me to bring things to her in bed one, you know, I wish there that she could just focus on herself and not be so worried all the time. But the animals that were in her care, but that was her disposition, that was her nature. She was always. The animals was always her concern first, no matter what. But also too, you know, I could see that, you know, when she was in bed and at her sickest and feeling her lowest when I brought an animal in for her to look at, it kind of gave her energy, it gave her purpose. And she would fight through the nausea and the drowsiness of the drugs to look at the animal and decide what needed to be done. And it was remarkable to me that someone facing such a life threatening illness would continue to do that kind of work. And I think if we tried to make her stop or take it away from her, I don't think she would have let us. And I think it was probably what kept her going most of the time.

Nika Singh (43:52)

So I'm wondering, did you, did you get a chance? And if you did, how did you say goodbye?

Murdo Messer (44:00)

What's the thing?

Glenn Washington (44:01)

Right.

Murdo Messer (44:02)

I don't think we actually did say goodbye to each other. In some ways, looking back on it, it's like, well, why not? Why didn't we? You know, like Helene was a journal writer and she wrote lots of journals and there was tons of them left around the house after she died. And I've looked through them looking for some kind of message from her saying goodbye. But we never discussed it, we never talked about it. We never ever once spoke in terms of that. No, she wasn't going to make it, that she wasn't going to beat the cancer. And I didn't want to be the one to let her down. I didn't want to be the guy who said, you know what, Helene, maybe we should start thinking about what might happen if you don't make it. I never wanted to do that. I probably should have because, you know, afterwards there's a lot of unanswered questions, like, well, what's the password to the bank account? I don't know what it is, or how do I do this? Where did you hide the passports? Right. Whole pile of stuff that you should probably prepare for if you think you're going to die. But we never did. But I wouldn't change any of the. Anything that we Any of the way it transpired. She was strong and resilient up to the end and determined up to the end. And you have a mixture of. Of images of Helene. When I think of her, yes, definitely looking after some eagle.

Helene Van Donick (45:30)

You can put on the leg again.

Murdo Messer (45:33)

Anybody? Anything else? No.

Helene Van Donick (45:34)

We're pick her up and feed her and move down.

Murdo Messer (45:36)

One of our favorite mammals is porcupine. So I can picture her talking to the porcupine as she fed it milk through a syringe. That was very, very yummy. The smile on her face when we released the bird.

Helene Van Donick (45:52)

Ready?

Murdo Messer (45:58)

This is serious. But also just her laugh.

Helene Van Donick (46:05)

Can I go? Hello.

Murdo Messer (46:08)

Her sense of humor and the way she would always flip me the birds. Just jokingly. Wildlife was always Helene's passion and I was, as I always have been, the guy behind her, helping her, making sure that she could do what she wanted to do.

Glenn Washington (46:48)

A very big thank you to Myrtle Messer for sharing his story of the snap. And I know all of us here are thinking fondly of the late Dr. Helene Van Donick, wherever you are. Thank you. If you'd like to see pictures and video of Myrtle Haileen and Birdzilla or are interested in the Cobaquid Wildlife center and would like to know more about the great work they're doing for for wildlife, go to our website snapjudgment.org and snappers. If you see a wild animal, even if it's sick or hurt, please do not try and handle it. Call your local wildlife organization for help. The original score for this story was by Renzo Goriot. It was produced by Nikka Singh. Oh yes. It happened again. If there's someone special in your life who might like this story romantique, give him a gift of Snap. Just make sure it's not the only gift you give him. Player Snap Judgment Podcast. Hours upon hours of amazing, amazing stories. Take out your phone or their phone and subscribe. You'll get so much back in return, I guarantee it. If you want to hear the story behind this story, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Snapjudgment.org Snap is brought to you by the team that knows if you love someone or something, you have to set it free. Everyone follows this precept except for the uber producer, Mr. Mark Ristitch. He prefers to serenade his prospective targets. Nikka Singh, Teo Da Cott, Pat Mercedes Miller, Anna Sussman, Renzo Goria, John Facile, Shayna Shealy, Marissa Dodge, Leon Morimoto, Flo Wiley, Nancy Lopez and Regina Bediago. Wow. This is not the news. No way is this the news. In fact, as a little child you could become inevitable enamored with Big Bird from Sesame street and later with after school Godzilla movies, and not understand then that these two disparate forces would one day crash into each other and result in the Birdzilla radio hour. That could all go down, all of it, and you would still not be as far away from the news as this is. But this is PRX.

Murdo Messer (49:24)

It.