MJ Fievre (4:25)

When I was 13, I was always reading. Reading was this way of seeing how other people lived, but also what my life could be. I remember being particularly attracted to this one character named Fantomet. She was a superhero without supernatural powers. And she was just a kid doing what kids do in addition to solving mysteries. And I think that's what I wanted. Those characters lived their lives and went after what they wanted, no matter what was happening in their environment. One day I was reading the newspaper, I found this ad for a program in the Dominican Republic. It was a one year program for people who were interested in the medical profession, but they were recruiting people my age. You come to this medical school and you get to stay on campus, you get to meet doctors, you get to visit the hospital. I think, oh my God. Being admitted meant that I could leave Haiti and go to the Dominican Republic. I would be on campus. I would wake up every day with a purpose. This is an answer to my prayers. So after I told my sister Patricia about the ad, we started calling. I would call, she would call just to help me. It might have been two weeks where we tried to call and call, and finally they did pick up the phone. They gave me a time, a place, date, and the name of the person that I'm supposed to see. The name of the guy was Gabriel. I told my mom because I was hoping, well, she's going to take me there. We're going to get information. And my mom said, absolutely not. You're a minor. You're not going to go to a foreign country on your own. I tried my dad, he was a very controlling father, but he really valued learning. So I figured, well, maybe he will see it as a discrete opportunity, something that no one else is doing. But he was not happy at all that I was even considering it. His point was that I wouldn't be safe There because they didn't like Haitians in the Dominican Republic. And since I was going to be isolated from my family, there would be no one to protect me. He also questioned the validity of the program. He's like, well, I've never heard someone going to the Dominican Republic to become a doctor. I could understand some of his concerns, but that didn't stop me from wanting to go. My parents were not going to change their minds. So I decided, well, if they're not gonna let me go willingly, I'm just gonna run away. I told my sister I was gonna leave, and she's like, why are you still pursuing this? I'm like, because I have to. And I was kind of irritated that she didn't see how urgent it was for me to leave. She couldn't see that I had almost reached my breaking point and that mentally, I was worried that I couldn't take it anymore. There was always the threats and the hitting just for mundane, like, minor things. In the case of my dad, it might be the way he pronounces your name, the way his mouth forms, the expression changes slightly, or a movement with his hand showing that he's getting frustrated. My heart starts beating a little faster. I get goosebumps. It's like a little thing could set him off. One time he was just mad at one of my sisters because she had been out, and she came back maybe 15 minutes after curfew and is yelling, threatening to hit her, eventually hitting her. And my other sister just couldn't take it anymore and jumped off the balcony. And we ended up having to take her to the hospital because she broke her legs. I feared for my life. It might sound like it was kind of on the moment decision, but it's something that had been coming. So it's the morning of the interview. I'm getting ready. I remember wearing jeans and a T shirt. I live in the mountains and I'm trying to get to the city. I wanted to be comfortable first. I checked my dad. He's watching TV in his bedroom. He's too busy watching whatever it is, whatever match he was watching that day. I go downstairs and it's just very quiet because my mom is usually the one who brings life to the house. She's at church, I believe, so she's not around. So I'm leaving the house. I just had this feeling of being free. And I realized that it might be the last time that I ever see home. Maybe it wasn't a realistic thought, but that's how it felt. So I know that I have to go to the main road, catch one of those buses, they're gonna take me down the mountain. Then you have to take like a taxi to take you to a specific point. It was a place on Place Gitali, whenever there's carnival in Haiti. Place Itali was that one place where all the musicians gathered. So I'm leaving the side road so I can get to the main road and flag down a bus. And there's a couple of stalls, there's this man selling cigarettes and candy and other things. I had never smoked in my life before, but I'm like, well, I can imagine this new person, she's sophisticated and free and she's probably going to smoke. And I remember stopping by, buying a cigarette and having no idea of how to even light it. Someone had to stop to tell me how to do it. And, and then of course I started coughing. So I had to just flag down a bus. And they stop. We're going down the mountains and there's cars going up and down, women with bundles on their head going to the market or coming back from the market. Some people on the bus, they looked at me like I was crazy because I was on my own, I was obviously a kid and it did make me feel like a superhero. And that's where people really started telling me about what was going on downtown. And they were telling me to be very careful. Aristide, the president of Haiti, has recently been ousted from the country. People are in the streets every day protesting and they had semi automatic weapons singing their rage. But I felt invincible. There's nothing that can happen that's going to be worse than what's going on at home. I just know whatever they ask me to do, I'm ready to do it. So if they say, hey, we're leaving today, actually, I'm like, okay, I'm in. Although I don't have any bags with me. And I'm not thinking about the logistics, I'm just focused on that light at the end of the tunnel. The trip took about two hours. I get to Place Italy and as soon as I leave the taxi, the first thing I see is a barricade, some tires, a wood and some wrenches. I have to go through the barricade, get into the crowd, and from there I have to find the building that I'm looking for. Some guys are standing there, they have rifles. And I remember being asked what I was doing there and I'm like, well, I have to meet with someone in there and, and them warning me that whatever happens to me, is not their responsibility. Everyone is on their own in there. So they let me through. The crowd was huge. I could see people as far as 10, 15 blocks. There's a guy with loudspeaker kind of reminding everyone why they are there. A lot of the protest had to do with hunger, with not being able to afford a life. People, they're singing, which basically means, I don't kid around when I'm empty bellied. There was another song about if Aristide, the president was ever to return. Si Aristide to nenda puen les hommesi Aristide to nain a prelaiso homme senor which basically means if Aristide comes back, people would get armed and attack. This is real. I'm not feeling invincible anymore. But I'm going through that huge crowd and trying to make sure that I get to the building. Everyone is sweaty. You can smell Vaseline. You can smell Dax products. There was the green Dax. There was the black dachs. And I remember smelling both of them. The crowd is moving me. It's not like I see the building and I'm walking toward it. I'm trying to see the building, and before I know it, I'm in front of it. They told me a building, but it felt like a very private house. There were, like, a few pieces of furniture in there. People were playing dominoes. Someone was cooking lunch. I asked for Gabriel, because that's the name I was given. So someone said, let me go check and see where he is. She comes back and she says, oh, well, apparently he's not here. He's out of town. Nobody knows where he is. I did ask about the program, and nobody at that table knew. They knew who Gabriel was, but that was it. The interview is not happening. I just had that gut feeling that it was over. It's not like, oh, he's not there today because something happened. I'm never gonna meet this Gabriel. This program is just not going to happen. I just need to stop. And I had this feeling where I'm stuck because there's nowhere else to go. I was devastated. As soon as I leave the premises, I'm just engulfed again by the crowd. It feels even tighter than it was before. People were barely moving, and I feel like I can barely breathe. People are singing, people are yelling, pushing. It's really hot. I'm really thirsty. There's a sense that something was going to happen. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. The way people are acting around me. Maybe a change in the noise. And then I heard the shooting. I'm looking for cover. Suddenly I feel hands on me, on my shoulders, and at some point, on my back. I'm thinking that maybe those are the attackers. I realized they were pushing me behind a big trash can that's on the side of the street. Someone is actually grabbing me. And for those few minutes, we were just together, lying in the trash. I remember hearing him breathe next to me, maybe feeling his breath. The sky was so, so, so beautiful still. But here we are, lying in trash. Finally, the shooting stopped. People start emerging from wherever they were hiding. There's this woman who's been shot in the leg, and people are trying to help her. There are other people who got run over. They're holding parts of their body. And I was able to look at the person who had brought me to safety. I couldn't tell how old he was, but there was something wise about him. I don't know if it was me projecting, because he saved me. I guess he was just one of those people who are very stoic even when things go bad. The guy asked me if I knew where I was going, If I had had people with me that I need to find. Now that that dream is gone, where am I gonna go? The country is not that small, but it feels very small because everybody knows everything. There's nowhere in Haiti where you could hide. I would be found. The only place I thought I could go was home. I had to go back home no matter what was going on at home. That was what was regular, what was normal, and I needed to go back to normalcy. He offered to take me home, and I said yes. I don't remember much talking on our way up the mountains because all I could do was replay what had happened. I didn't want to even talk about it, even to someone who had been there. It was still daylight when I got home. My mom is on the balcony and she's taking care of her plants. When she sees me, my mom asked me, oh, what happened to you? You're dirty. And I can smell myself. I still smell like trash. I'm sweaty. I'm just so greasy. And I tell her I was in the neighborhood and I fell. So she briefly looked at me and she said, well, make sure you change as soon as possible. That was it. They didn't even notice that I was gone. I felt that it was a reflection of what I had been going through the entire time. Like I'm hurting on the inside and many people don't even notice. I went straight in and washed up. It felt like a failure, but I felt that the intensity of the wanting to leave hasn't gone away. I was reading a book titled the Maid and one quote was if the end is not happy, then it's not the end. So I'm like what am I going to do next? I had started getting a bag ready. I'm not packing a lot of things, just the basics like toothbrush, a few clothes, deodorant, a picture with me and my sister and a few other things and I became determined to get the end that I felt the story needed.

Glenn Washington (22:24)

The story of Mjfiev was far from over. After high school, MJ did end up going to medical school, but she realized it wasn't quite her calling. She moved to the United States where she now works as a full time writer. You can read more about her childhood in Haiti and her memoir A Sky the Color of Chaos. She's working on a book series that uplifts black women and girls. You can check out all that and more@badassblackgirl.com the original score for this piece was by Laleen Sejust. It was produced by David Exume. More amazing storytelling for you when Snap Judgment, the End of the Rainbow Episode continues. Stay tuned. Snap Judgment is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. In trying to get a better understanding of what's going on with my skin and inside my body. I chose Function because it's the only health platform that gives you access to the kind of data most people never see and the insights that actually take action. In fact, did you know there are nearly 30 different biomarkers that can impact your skin more than your skincare routine? Because breakouts and dryness and redness are not just surface issues, they're internal signals and Function can help you see them more clearly. Your levels of vitamin D, zinc, iron, Vitamin A, estroduction, testosterone, glucose, insulin. Function helps you stop blaming the products and start understanding the patterns because your skin is a mirror and Function gives you the data to read it. Function is offering 160 plus lab tests for $365 to anyone who signs up between July 7 and July 11. To learn more and get started, visit functionhelp.com snap welcome back to Snap Judgment, the End of the Rainbow Episode Today we're looking at what happens when you get at least a version of what you want. And for the next story, our hero, he had some very special, simple demands. Step judgment.

Nancy Pope (25:29)

So this story is brought to us by a person with a very cool job. Yeah, her name is Nancy Pope.

Unknown Postal Clerk (25:35)

Hi, there.

Nancy Pope (25:36)

And she is a curator at the.

Unknown Postal Clerk (25:38)

Smithsonian, actually, at the National Postal Museum, because, you know, history, truth, you gotta kinda do that.

Nancy Pope (25:45)

But back in 1984, when she first got to the Smithsonian, Nancy was given a really boring newbie task organizing old photos in the archives.

Unknown Postal Clerk (25:57)

And some of these photos, I started looking like, it's a dog. You know, it's a dog laying down on mailbags. It's a dog sitting on mailbags. It's like, it's a dog. And I started looking, what is the thing with the dang dog?

Nancy Pope (26:10)

That's when one of her co workers told her to go down to the third floor and see for herself.

Unknown Postal Clerk (26:15)

And I went down and they had all the stamps and a little post office and some mailboxes and a dead stuffed dog. Oni.

Nancy Pope (26:26)

Oni. That was the dog's name, the one she saw in the photographs. And now here he was in the flesh kinda.

Unknown Postal Clerk (26:37)

The hair was mangy, the eyes were smoky, and he did not look like, you know, a cute little dog. He just looked like some little, you know, creepy monster.

Nancy Pope (26:50)

The dog had actually been in that case since 1911.

Unknown Postal Clerk (26:54)

And at one point, we lifted the case up maybe an inch and this stench came flying out. We almost dropped the case and broke it right then and there. It was the smell of almost a century of dead dog. And it was the most horrible smell that I have ever smelled in my entire life.

Nancy Pope (27:16)

Okay, so not a great first impression, but here's the thing. Once upon a time, he had been.

Unknown Postal Clerk (27:23)

The world's most famous canine, the only dog to travel around the world. And there was widespread mourning when he died.

Nancy Pope (27:34)

Nancy says that Oni's story begins in Albany, New York, way back in the winter of 1888, when a puppy belonging to one of the clerks at the local post office followed him to work one day. The puppy, Owney, was just a scruffy little mutt then, nothing special. But when the clerk left on, because.

Unknown Postal Clerk (27:52)

The pup loved the smell of mailbags, and the dog would head straight for a pile of empty mailbags that are off in the corner and just kind of snuggle up, wiggle around him, and go to sleep for the night.

Nancy Pope (28:06)

Owney loved the smell of mailbags so much that he would actually follow them Onto the mail wagons that were bound for the train yard. If a bag ever fell off, he'd jump off with it and guard the bag until a postal clerk, and only a postal clerk, came by to pick it up.

Unknown Postal Clerk (28:21)

Maybe he recognized the uniform. I honestly don't know.

Nancy Pope (28:26)

Until one day, oney took his love of mailbags a step further. When the wagon he was on arrived at the rail yard, he actually followed the bags onto one of the trains.

Unknown Postal Clerk (28:36)

And the clerks could have just thrown him off at that point, but they didn't. So, you know, he just went to Boston.

Nancy Pope (28:46)

Nancy says that back then, a train's mail car was a place of almost constant activity. You have to imagine postal employees frantically sorting an endless variety of packages, Dodging kerosene lamps, trying to get everything ready for delivery before each and every stop. But in the midst of the chaos, there was a little corner where discarded mailbags lay in a pile. That's where oni sat on this first trip, Comfortable, just watching them do their work.

Unknown Postal Clerk (29:10)

When the train opened up its doors in boston, oney jumped out and traveled with the mailbags on the wagon to the Boston post office. Sat around there a little bit, and the next day, he went on the train and went back to albany.

Nancy Pope (29:25)

Thus was established a pattern whereby oney became a regular on these regional rail lines. Nothing too ambitious, just day trips.

Unknown Postal Clerk (29:33)

But the railway post postal clerks were family, and when a clerk got to the end of his line, he would start talking about this dog.

Nancy Pope (29:41)

As oney's reputation grew among the postal employees, so did his network of available trains. It's like he had the 19th century version of a euro pass, only with mail cars.

Unknown Postal Clerk (29:52)

And then he started branching out to cleveland, Philadelphia, and then Washington, D.C. he.

Nancy Pope (29:57)

Loved Brooklyn, but of course, that was just the north. He also went south to mobile, alabama, Jackson, Florida, Atlanta, and to the Midwest.

Unknown Postal Clerk (30:07)

Fort Wayne, Indiana, Wichita, Grand Rapids, in Minneapolis, Kansas City, St. Louis, Butte, and everywhere else. Albuquerque, Reno.

Nancy Pope (30:16)

Oh, my God.

Unknown Postal Clerk (30:16)

Cincinnati, Denver.

Nancy Pope (30:17)

Now I'm gonna stop.

Unknown Postal Clerk (30:18)

Yeah, you know, it was. You name a state, he was there.

Nancy Pope (30:23)

By 1889, there were reports of oney in california.

Unknown Postal Clerk (30:26)

So we know that within a year, he's crossed the country.

Nancy Pope (30:30)

This is the part where I hate to poke a hole in it, and maybe I shouldn't.

Unknown Postal Clerk (30:33)

Oh, poke a hole.

Nancy Pope (30:34)

How much independence does this dog have in these decisions to be branching out? Is he, like, at the train station and he. He sees a train car and he's.

Glenn Washington (30:43)

Like, that one looks good, and, like.

Nancy Pope (30:44)

Decides all on his own?

Unknown Postal Clerk (30:45)

Well, there was a lot to be Said for that when he really did, just jump on any old train he wanted and go wherever he wanted to go.

Nancy Pope (30:57)

When oni got to a town, he always followed the same routine. He would get out of the train, take the mail wagon to the post office, and then spend the night, usually at the local postmaster's house, who always made sure that there were some mailbags for oney to sleep on.

Unknown Postal Clerk (31:11)

And before long, newspapers across the country. If oney was in town, the publisher said, you got to go out and do, do a story of the dog.

Nancy Pope (31:21)

Ony proved so popular that eventually it wasn't enough that he simply come to town. People wanted to prove that he'd been there. So they started putting these customized tags on his collar. Sometimes it was an official tag with the name of the town. Other times, someone would hastily scratch their name on a hotel key and loop that through his collar. Lots of people gave him these little metal coupons.

Unknown Postal Clerk (31:42)

And, you know, if oni had wanted to, he could. He could have gotten 5 cents off for a loaf of bread at one spot, free drinks at the bar at a couple of others. He could have had a great night on the town, if he was a person.

Nancy Pope (31:56)

Elaborate feasts were routinely held in oni's honor. So rich and filling were the meals that the day after one such dinner in providence, Rhode island, Oni took one look at a free steak and walked away.

Unknown Postal Clerk (32:08)

And he just puts it, his nose up at it, like, you know, I'm still full. I can't handle a steak.

Nancy Pope (32:14)

Oni had all the benefits of fame and none of the costs. He was a dog. He didn't know he was famous. He didn't feel any of the pressure, didn't worry about all the attention. He was free to just be, at least for the first few years.

Unknown Postal Clerk (32:29)

But then it gets to the point where as oni got more and more famous, the clerks start actually putting him on a train. Like, oni needs to go on this train. Wouldn't that be fun?

Nancy Pope (32:40)

Slowly but surely, the freewheeling hobo of everyone's imagination was no longer quite so freewheeling. Increasingly, in the very same articles that extolled oni's freedom, you could read all about the cities where he could be found next. It was freedom scripted.

Unknown Postal Clerk (32:55)

But the height of oni being handled by clerks was obviously the trip around the world.

Nancy Pope (33:04)

The trip was a marketing stunt put on by the city of Tacoma. They were trying to one up their more famous neighbor, Seattle. So with the consent of the post office, they sent oney packing on a mail Ship to east asia, where he.

Unknown Postal Clerk (33:16)

Got a passport from the emperor of.

Nancy Pope (33:18)

Japan, Then on to china and india through the suez canal, and then via the azores, back to America.

Unknown Postal Clerk (33:26)

He made it in 118 days.

Nancy Pope (33:29)

By this point, oni was so famous that European newspapers issued heated editorials wondering why oni had seen skipped their continent entirely. It seemed like everyone wanted a piece of him.

Unknown Postal Clerk (33:40)

And when he would go to each of these foreign lands, he was. He was trotted out. And oney, you know, who knows whether he was happy or not, but as the clerks started kind of ruling his life, people added more and more tags to his collar. Businesses love to put something on him because it's free advertising for your business, which is fine, except, you know, you think the collar around the dog's neck, you add 10 tags. One thing, you start adding 20, 30 tags, the poor dog's not going to be able to lift his head up.

Nancy Pope (34:21)

Every time oney returned to albany, the clerks made sure to take the tags off. Eventually, they had to give him a harness to accommodate all the extra weight. But even that was rarely enough.

Unknown Postal Clerk (34:33)

The Smithsonian has 347 tags. It has been said in a lot of reports that he had over a thousand, which is easy for me to believe, but I really think that oni needed to stop riding the trains. Clerks were saying that he didn't look good, he didn't look well.

Nancy Pope (34:53)

Oney was growing increasingly irritable, especially when people tried to touch the tags on his harness, either to add or remove them. He also started fighting back when clerks tried to force him onto a particular train. He was just getting stubborn and old.

Unknown Postal Clerk (35:10)

So a clerk in St. Louis took him in, and I think in his time in the clerk's backyard, he started to relax and be his old dog self. And we know that oney had enough free will that if he didn't want to stay there, he wouldn't have. But there were some clerks that just didn't want to hear that, you know, oney. To them, oney belonged on the train cars.

Nancy Pope (35:40)

So the clerks borrowed oni for one last joyride. They put him on a train bound for toledo, and at first, everything was the same as it always had been. Oney followed the familiar scent of the mailbags off the train and onto the wagon. But when he arrived at the Toledo post office, one of the clerks taking him to meet a local reporter tried to touch one of his tags, and.

Unknown Postal Clerk (36:06)

That'S what set him off. And he bites the clerk in the hand very hard. Twice.

Nancy Pope (36:11)

The clerk reeled off in pain and when the postmaster came in to see what was going on, Oney attacked him, too.

Unknown Postal Clerk (36:19)

And the postmaster calls the US Marshal named Shannon. Shannon comes into the room, takes out his pistol, and shoots Oney once in the head.

Nancy Pope (36:35)

Oney was killed instantly. When the news got out, obituaries around the country mourned his passing, and his body was taken to Washington, D.C. at the Post office's national headquarters. Over the years, as Oney went in and out of storage, he was forgotten. By the time Nancy stumbled upon him, the world's most famous canine had become a footnote. But thanks in part to her efforts, Oni is back in the Spotlight. And in 2011, on he got his own stamp. He also has his very own exhibit at the Smithsonian's Postal Museum. Nancy says it's one of the most popular exhibits there, but we have a.

Unknown Postal Clerk (37:14)

Good number of people we'll say in a blog or in a review or whatever, you know, it's a great museum, but it's got this disgusting stuffed dog.

Glenn Washington (37:39)

Thank you so much to Nancy Pope for sharing Oney's story with us. And if you want to learn more, you can visit Oney in person and see some of those tags at the Smithsonian's National Postal museum in Washington, D.C. we'll have a link on our website to an individual interactive map of the museum put up showing all the places that we know Oney visited. It's is what it is. Check it out@snapjudgment.org the sound design for that story was by Leon Morimoto. It was produced by Joe Rosenberg. You're listening to Snap Judgment, the End of the Rainbow episode. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Stay tuned. Snap Judgment Underground Studios. Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the End of the Rainbow episode. My name is Glenn Washington, and today we're looking at people lucky enough to get a version of their fondest desires. In our next piece walks the gossamer thread between truth and imagination, a brand new radio play inspired by author Kelly Link. Snap Judgment. Hello.

Jack (39:19)

Hey. Why would anyone need three jars of maraschino cherries?

Glenn Washington (39:24)

What you doing?

Jack (39:25)

Clearing out the fridge.

Glenn Washington (39:27)

We've been through this. Your roommate is crazy. Find another place.

Jack (39:32)

Some of us can't afford our own places.

Glenn Washington (39:36)

Then some of us better not complain.

Jack (39:39)

You are so annoying.

Glenn Washington (39:40)

You call me.

Jack (39:41)

So what's your point?

Glenn Washington (39:43)

Well, now that I have you, I started writing a story.

Jack (39:47)

Oh, yeah? You know, I just finished another chapter. I'm sending it to my agent later today.

Glenn Washington (39:53)

Okay, cool. So I got this idea last night. I was on The Bart about to go back across the bay. And I look across the car and there's this woman. She's super hot. She's got this hair, blonde hair. She looks at me, smiles and winks at me. And she looks just like Beyonce.

Jack (40:14)

I don't think Beyonce is getting off at West Oakland.

Glenn Washington (40:17)

Well, think again. Cause she gets off at my station and now I'm walking with her. She stops in front of my building.

Jack (40:26)

She must have thought you were super creepy.

Glenn Washington (40:28)

I'm a creep for going home.

Jack (40:31)

I mean, didn't she think you were following her? She didn't freak out?

MJ Fievre (40:35)

No.

Glenn Washington (40:36)

We get to the building, go up the stairs. And understand this. She lives on my floor.

Jack (40:43)

How convenient.

Glenn Washington (40:46)

Hush. I'm telling you. We stop in front of her door, which is right across the hallway from.

Jack (40:51)

My door, so there's a point to this story.

Glenn Washington (40:53)

And she winks goodnight to me. And then she flickers like she's made out of a hologram.

Jack (41:05)

Like, beam me up, Scotty.

Glenn Washington (41:07)

Like help me, Obi Wan Kenobi. Like she's a projection. She's flickering. And then she turns solid again, like a real person. And then she unlocks her door and leaves me in the hallway.

Jack (41:17)

So you didn't get invited inside?

Glenn Washington (41:20)

I could have if I wanted to. It was just weird. I don't know.

Kelly (41:34)

I've been in love with Jack for what feels like forever. I met him at one of his readings. I brought his first book, dog eared and taped together. I waited in line for him to sign it, and when I held it out, he smiled at me, laughed a little. He said, no one reads this book. And then he asked me out for a drink. Here's the thing about Jack. He doesn't really have the looks, but he's commanding. He took me for cocktails and told me about a woman he was sending anonymous love letters to. I felt invisible. Jack became my mentor, slashing my stories apart, writing memes, flirty comments in the margins. I wanted him bad. Still do, I guess. But he slowed down. And his agent has warned him that if he doesn't write another book in the next year, he's dropping him. And the thing is, I'm speeding up. I've got an agent now too, a friend of Jack's. And I've got a novel. But I still call Jack Daly like a reflex.

Glenn Washington (42:57)

Hello?

Jack (42:58)

I didn't need that check.

Glenn Washington (42:59)

I know. I was worried with the roommate.

Jack (43:04)

I ripped it up.

Glenn Washington (43:06)

A thank you would have been nice.

Jack (43:08)

You know, you never give me any credit. You know, I just got My advance. Right. I'm actually okay, if you can believe it. I'm really. I'm good.

Glenn Washington (43:19)

Hmm.

MJ Fievre (43:20)

Yeah.

Jack (43:22)

So you see your new neighbor Beyonce recently?

Glenn Washington (43:25)

Yeah, actually, I was gonna say she knocked on my door yesterday and asked to borrow a cup of sugar.

Jack (43:31)

That's original.

Glenn Washington (43:33)

Didn't recognize me though, so I didn't bring the other night up.

Jack (43:36)

So you gave her the sugar?

Glenn Washington (43:38)

But when I go to shut the door, I watch her through the peephole.

Jack (43:41)

Uh, gross.

Glenn Washington (43:43)

No, no, no, no, no. Look at here. She ate all the sugar. I watched her down the whole cup.

Jack (43:50)

What?

Glenn Washington (43:51)

I know, I know, I know. Get this. Then she knocks on my door again. Now open it. She just walks in, pours herself a drink. My best whiskey. And we drank like half the bottle. And then just start making out. Going for it. Amazing. I mean, she's amazing. She smelled like fresh laundry and she. She tasted like. Like cherries. And I go to, you know, and it's smooth down there.

Jack (44:24)

Oh, no, it's called the Brazilian.

Glenn Washington (44:26)

No, it was like Barbie smooth. There was no nothing going on, you know, down there.

Jack (44:38)

Tmi, man. Tmi. I don't think you're doing it right.

Glenn Washington (44:43)

I look at the Beyonce lady and she just gets up and walks out.

Jack (44:49)

Smart woman. I'm telling the truth, okay, Jack.

Glenn Washington (44:58)

Kelly used to flip. When I told her I'd met someone, been with somebody, she'd be like, let's blow everything off and go to Vegas. Let's get married by three Elvises. And I would always change the subject. Take her to dinner in the night with maybe a kiss on the cheek. A little too close to her lips. But I never gave her an end. I would have never before tonight. Cuz tonight she just didn't seem to care. Now I'm just sitting here at my computer, cursor blinking, ready for words. And all I can think about is whether or not she's jealous. Which is stupid, right? Because of course she's jealous.

Kelly (45:53)

Hello, Jack. I saw them.

Glenn Washington (45:55)

Who?

Kelly (45:55)

The Beyonce women.

Glenn Washington (45:57)

Women? You saw more than one?

MJ Fievre (45:59)

Yeah.

Kelly (46:00)

I was leaving my agent's office, got into the elevator. There were 11 women in there. I counted 11 Beyonce's. I get in and they stop talking. They're just there, breathing. Like, together perfectly in time. And they smell the same. Like detergent.

Glenn Washington (46:18)

Yes. That's what she smells like, my neighbor.

Kelly (46:22)

There's smell. That smell. It got more and more intense. It made my head hurt. So I closed my eyes. Just for a second.

MJ Fievre (46:29)

I thought.

Kelly (46:31)

Because when I woke up, I was alone. And on the top floor. Of the building. There was a bunch of construction stuff everywhere. Like. Like drills and paint cans and there was just no one.

Glenn Washington (46:46)

Where'd they go?

Kelly (46:47)

I have no idea.

Jack (47:03)

Hey, you know it's like three in the morning, right?

Glenn Washington (47:06)

I'm still working on that sci fi story.

Jack (47:08)

Jesus. That's it? I thought you were in an accident or something. You woke me up.

Glenn Washington (47:13)

I just want to talk.

Jack (47:14)

I gotta go.

Glenn Washington (47:15)

Why? Somebody there?

Jack (47:17)

Uh, yeah.

Glenn Washington (47:18)

Who?

Jack (47:18)

I met him at the bar after my reading. A bunch of us went out.

Glenn Washington (47:22)

Oh, I'm sorry. I totally forgot.

Jack (47:27)

It's okay. It was a good turnout, actually. Anyway, I gotta go.

Glenn Washington (47:32)

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to ask you, are you okay?

Jack (47:34)

Why wouldn't I be?

Glenn Washington (47:35)

I mean, since them Beyonce fembots.

Jack (47:40)

Oh, that. Yeah, I'm okay.

Glenn Washington (47:42)

All right, I'll see you tomorrow. Brunch.

Jack (47:45)

Oh, yeah, maybe. I'll call you.

Glenn Washington (47:48)

Okay, well, call me. All right, bye.

Kelly (48:00)

I wake up the man in my bed and ask him if he's ever slept with a blonde. He asks me if this is one of those jokes and I say no. The man says to me, you're kind of a blonde. And I choke out a laugh because it's true. At first I thought maybe I was starting to go gray, but the hair is yellow, the color of honey. I mean, I've been finding blonde hair is on my pillow and there's more and more of it every day. My skin smells so, so clean and I'm losing hair where I shouldn't be losing hair. The man in my bed said something stupid like, I like what you got going on down there. And I rolled my ey.

Jack (48:54)

Hey, it's Kelly. Leave a message, I'll call you back. Hey, it's Kelly. Leave a message, I'll call you back. Hey, it's Kelly. Leave a message. I'll call you back.

Glenn Washington (49:17)

Damn it, Kelly, answer the door. Kelly, I just need to see you.

Jack (49:24)

Hello?

Glenn Washington (49:25)

You're here.

Jack (49:26)

Let me in, Jack.

Glenn Washington (49:28)

Yeah, why don't you text me back? I'm freaking out. After you said you weren't alone that night.

Jack (49:44)

Hey there.

Glenn Washington (49:45)

What happened to you?

Kelly (49:47)

You want some lemonade?

Glenn Washington (49:49)

What happened to your hair? How you drink this. It's way too sweet.

Kelly (50:00)

Jack, let's sit down.

Glenn Washington (50:02)

Kelly, you're scaring me to death. What happened? Why'd you disappear?

Kelly (50:07)

You know, I've been thinking about that sci fi story you were writing.

Glenn Washington (50:12)

You mean somebody called the cops? Are you all right?

Kelly (50:16)

I really think you should just give up on that one.

Jack (50:19)

What?

Kelly (50:21)

You know, you shouldn't write sci fi. You're a serious writer.

Glenn Washington (50:26)

You don't want me to write about fembots.

Kelly (50:29)

I don't know what you mean by that. You're so silly.

Glenn Washington (50:33)

Kelly. What's going on? What they do to you, Jack.

Kelly (50:41)

Don't you like my hair?

Glenn Washington (50:59)

It's not true, Snappers. It's not. Fembots are not taking over the world. And that's because the piece was 100% fiction from the mind of Kelly Link Adapted, directed and produced by Mark Wistich and Eliza Smith. Original score and sound design by Pat Mesiti Miller voice actors with Joyce Lee and yours truly. Find all things Kelly link On our website snapjudgment.org you've listened to another episode of Snap Judgment. Tell somebody. Let your lover know there are more full episodes right there for the asking. Amazing storytelling for you. Get the podcast, itunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Soundcloud or head on over to Snap Judgment. On Team Snap, the union represented producers, artists, editors and engineers are members of the national association of Broadcast Employees and Technicians Communications workers of America, AFL CIO Local 51. Snap was produced by the team that never goes outside long enough to see a rainbow. Think of them in the dark of night. The Uber producer Mark Ristich the Patman the CD Miller Anna just had a baby Sussman Hey Naomi Nancy to the Lopez Eliza's last name is still Smith. Davey Kim and M. Joe Big word Rosenberg Renzo Gorill wears trucker caps. Liya Morimoto goes solo Adeza Egan is not tail hold the mail ducat this Mac can't pack fat on a stack of hats. Jasmine aguilera has a 270 bowling average. Believe it. Even though this is not the news. Who keeps mistaking this for the news? In fact, you could crash your UFO into the Loch Ness monster with the yeti in the back seat shouting directions and you would still not be as far away from the news as this is. This is prx.