The Muse - Snap Classic

Summary

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Snap Judgment: The Muse – Snap Classic

Date: November 6, 2025
Podcast: Snap Judgment & PRX
Host: Glynn Washington

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Episode Overview

This “Snap Classic” episode, titled The Muse, dives deep into the lives of individuals transformed by profound, often unexpected inspiration or change. The focus is on two remarkable stories: one about Matt Hay, who confronts sudden deafness and discovers the sustaining power of love and music, and another about Derek Amato, whose brush with disaster unlocks an astonishing musical talent. Throughout, the episode explores what—and who—acts as a “muse” in our most pivotal moments.

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Story 1: Matt Hay – Music, Love, and the Sound of Memory

(01:21–37:10)

Matt’s Diagnosis and the Looming Silence

• Early Clues:

  • As a child, Matt fakes his way through audio tests, unable to truly hear the tones but unwilling to face what it means.
    • “Sometimes raising my hand because I felt like it had been too long since I heard the tone. So I was just making it up.” —Matt Hay (04:04)

• Life-changing News:

  • At 18, he’s rejected from West Point due to “substandard auditory acuity.”
  • An MRI reveals he has neurofibromatosis type 2, a rare genetic condition causing tumors on his hearing nerves.
    • “It affects 1 in 40,000 people. And like, we had never heard of it, because why would anybody have heard of it?” —Matt Hay (05:07)

Preparing for Deafness: Love, Loss, and Playlists

• Facing Certainty:

  • His doctor tells him not only might he lose his hearing, but there’s a risk of far worse.
    • “You’re probably going to lose your hearing. It’s not that big of a deal, which is a bold statement for somebody that’s not going to lose their hearing.” —Matt Hay (05:48)

• Learning Coping Skills:

  • Matt enrolls in sign language, but struggles—he’s learning out of necessity, not curiosity.
    • “Most of the people in the room were there to learn sign language because it would be neat. I was there to learn it because—it was a need.” —Matt Hay & Nora (07:08, 07:20)

• Preserving What Matters:

  • With deafness inevitable, Matt begins “cramming for sound”—listening to, memorizing, and associating his favorite songs with cherished memories.
    • “What songs do I want stuck in my head for the rest of my life?” —Matt Hay (08:02)
    • “I want to make sure that I remember what these sound like.” —Matt Hay (15:06)

Falling in Love: Nora, Music, and Facing the Unknown

• Connection through Sound:

  • Matt meets Nora at a New Year’s party, and their relationship develops as Nora learns to adapt to his hearing loss, always positioning herself on his "good side."
    • “He had a good side, so I would always walk on that side, talk on that side, and it became habit.” —Nora (13:09)

• Strength in Adversity:

  • Nora stands by Matt through surgeries and rehabilitation. She gives up med school, raises money for research, and helps make life joyful amidst hardship.
    • “You can’t not marry the girl that does that.” —Matt Hay (17:59)

• The Last Sound:

  • On the day Matt loses his hearing, he and Nora decide to make it a memory: margaritas and guacamole, laughter, and exchanging “I love you.”
    • “He wanted me to laugh so he would remember that and hear me say I love you.” —Nora (20:27)
    • “I wanted to make sure I remember what it sounded like.” —Matt Hay (20:49)

Deafness, Technology, and Rediscovered Sound

• Life in “Silence”:

  • Silence is not what Matt gets—phantom noises fill his head, and adapting is arduous.
    • “One ear…a roaring freight train, and the other ear…a cryptic organ. Your brain wants to hear something, and when it can’t, it manufactures its own noise.” —Matt Hay (24:07)

• Communication Challenges:

  • They struggle with sign language and resort to fingerspelling or charades, even to argue or discuss life-changing decisions.
    • “We had to learn to communicate, but we had to learn how to fight, too.” —Nora (25:41)

• A Bold Gamble for Sound:

  • Matt undergoes rare surgery for an Auditory Brainstem Implant. Initially, all sounds are just robotic gibberish.
    • “Clapping or a dog bark or an oven timer going off, everything just had the same kind of wah, wah, wah, wah.” —Matt Hay (28:48)
    • Compared to getting glasses: “Which is better, this or this? And the A goes from really blurry to being really crisp.” —Matt Hay (29:47)

Practicing Parent, Practicing Sound

• Setting New Goals:

  • Motivation grows with the arrival of twins, then a third child. He works hard to distinguish daily sounds and the voices of loved ones.
    • “After I lost my hearing, my goal was to be able to hear people say, hello and I love you.” —Nora (34:27)

• Music Returns:

  • He listens constantly to familiar, simple songs—especially the Beatles—retraining his brain to recognize rhythms and melodies.
    • “Songs with minimal lyrics and really clear rhythms…Let it be? Because I got the, like, bom, bom, bom.” —Matt Hay (33:38)

• New Memories:

  • Singing lullabies with his children, he realizes he’s built new musical memories—even after losing his hearing.
    • “When I listen to All I Want Is Yous Now, the memory it takes me back to is Kate being an infant and toddler. And…I didn’t realize that until right now.” —Nora (36:19)

Standout Quotes & Moments

• “What do you do when you lose your hearing? … You go get margaritas and guacamole.” —Nora & Matt Hay (20:08–20:12)
• “So I can remember walking there and just sitting across, having margaritas and telling each other I love you.” —Matt Hay (20:14)
• “There was a moment when Luke and Maddie were babies…we’d, like, sit side by side and read and play the Beatles lullabies.” —Nora (35:13)

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Story 2: Derek Amato – The Accidental Maestro

(38:02–49:02)

Catastrophe Becomes Creativity

• The Accident:

  • Derek, never a musician, dives into a shallow pool and suffers a major concussion, losing half his hearing on one side. (39:02)
  • “I dove in toward the shallow end…striking the bottom with the upper left part of my head…as if someone just stuck two sticks of dynamite in my ears.” —Derek Amato (39:12)

• A Strange Calling:

  • Days later, at a friend’s house, Derek is drawn to the keyboard—and plays fluidly, astonishing those around him and himself.
  • “My fingers began to play as if I had played pretty much all my life. And this is the very first piece that I ever played.“ —Derek Amato (39:51)

From Ordinary to “Savant”

• Coming to Terms:

  • Diagnosed with “acquired musical savant syndrome,” Derek experiences the world and music differently.
    • “My mind basically creates a pattern of black and white squares…that are my brain's musical notation.” —Derek Amato (41:37)

• Unpredictable Gift:

  • He has no control over the music, can’t read notation, but produces complex compositions.
    • “I have no control of what comes next. I have no idea what those notes are gonna be. So sometimes it’s pop, and sometime it's rock, and sometimes it's Beethoven.” —Derek Amato (42:27)

The Burden and Joy of Genius

• Life’s Upheaval:

  • Derek leaves the business world, faces financial struggles and homelessness, but continues to perform and speak about his experience.
  • “You know, just because you fall under the title of a savant doesn't mean you’re the best piano player on the planet.” —Derek Amato (44:53)

• A New Way of Living:

  • Despite uncertainty, he finds purpose and joy in his music, living in the moment.
  • “So I live in the moment, and I think I’m going to continue to live in the moment because that’s what brings me joy.” —Derek Amato (48:41)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I sat down and I started playing and [my mom] started crying. And then the salesman came over and said, how long have you been playing? And I said, well, about five hours.” —Derek Amato (40:56)
• “Those black and white squares dictate what I play.” —Derek Amato (41:54)
• “When I sit down at the piano, you know, it’s always a surprise.” —Derek Amato (48:34)

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Key Themes & Insights

The Power of the Muse

• Sometimes the “muse” is a person—the beloved who inspires, supports, and co-creates new meaning, as with Matt and Nora.
• Other times, the muse arrives suddenly, inexplicably—a new artistic vision after trauma, like with Derek.

What Do We Choose to Remember?

• Matt’s story asks: If you were about to lose your hearing forever, what sounds, words, or songs would you want preserved in memory?
• Derek’s experience reveals the unpredictability of creative inspiration; genius may come from unlikely, even tragic, places.

Adaptation and Acceptance

• Coping with sudden limitations—whether through technology, community, or self-driven practice—can create new ways of connecting with what (and who) we love.

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Memorable Moments With Timestamps

• Matt’s diagnosis and first signs of hearing loss: 04:04–05:58
• Matt and Nora’s first kiss and long-distance love: 12:14–13:09
• Using music as emotional anchor and memory bank: 08:02–09:48
• The “last” I love you in sound: 20:08–20:49
• Turning on the auditory brainstem implant: 28:04–29:09
• Recognizing favorite songs again, post-surgery: 33:38–34:09
• Derek’s musical awakening after the accident: 39:51–40:28
• Description of savant experience (black and white squares): 41:17–42:27
• Reflecting on the burden and beauty of his gift: 44:53–48:41

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Conclusion

Through exquisitely crafted stories and authentic voices, this episode of Snap Judgment immerses listeners in what it means to lose, to adapt, and—sometimes miraculously—to create. From Matt’s journey with Nora and reclaiming music in a world of new silence, to Derek’s brush with genius after trauma, The Muse celebrates the unpredictable inspirations and connections that shape our lives.

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Transcript

[Glenn Washington]

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[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

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[Glenn Washington]

In 9th grade, my English teacher told me that I couldn't possibly have written the assignment that I turned in. When I asked her why, she frowned, exasperated in front of the class. She said, now we both know that you are too dumb. I fell silent. But later I wrote again because she told me I couldn't. I wrote dark words, red words, and these words fueled by hate were hateful notebooks of rage and a friend whom I secretly loved. She read one of my fury pages and asked why, and I started to answer her. But if I said a stupid teacher said a stupid thing, I would sound stupid to her. Write something nicer, she said. So I did. I wrote a love letter. But I didn't call it that. I couldn't call it that. Instead, I called it a story about a ball and a stick and a parrot. She laughed as she read and clapped. And finally she kissed me on the cheek. And then she went out with another boy. Still, still, still, still. Because I know who she really liked. Today on Snap Judgment, we proudly present the muse amazing stories of the person that makes the story happen. My name is Glenn Washington. Never forget, a magic castle has many bricks. When you're listening, just snap judgment. Do you remember those audio tests you had to do at elementary school? The ones where the tones change pitch and speed and you raise your hand every time you hear something different? Well, for Matt Hay, this childhood rite of passage is where it all started. Snapchat.

[Matt Hay]

I never raised my hand enough in the whole, like, tone test. I can even remember sometimes raising my hand because I felt like it had been too long since I heard the tone. So I was just making it Up.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt faked his way through hearing tests. For years as a kid, he just ignored the fact that his hearing was not as good as everyone around him. And then when he was 18, he applied to west point for college. He had to go to Fort Knox for the physical.

[Matt Hay]

And I failed. I got a letter from the government that I had failed because of substandard auditory acuity.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

But still, he ignored what was happening until he couldn't hear people on the phone. He went to see a new audiologist.

[Matt Hay]

And she said, you know, your results are just coming back really weird. I'd like you to have an mri. Like, nobody goes into an audiogram and comes out with a diagnosis of getting an mri.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

The scan showed two tumors in his head pushing up against his left and right hearing nerves. Doctors diagnosed him with a rare condition called neurofibromatosis type 2.

[Matt Hay]

It affects 1 in 40,000 people. And like, we had never heard of it, because why would anybody have heard of it?

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Within a year, he was basically deaf in his left ear. The tumors in his brain were getting bigger. A couple years after college, his right ear started to falter.

[Matt Hay]

Everything grew really fast. I mean, he went from non issue to major issue.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt went back to the doctor. At first, this visit seemed like all the others.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

You know, the same generic pictures on the wall, the same generic wax paper on the table that they make you sit on.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

The doctor sat in front of him in the same white coat on the same wheelie stool.

[Matt Hay]

The doctor said, you know what? You're probably going to lose your hearing. It's not that big of a deal, which is a bold statement for somebody that's not going to lose their hearing.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He told matt these tumors can grow anywhere and do way worse damage than hearing loss. He could become paralyzed, go blind, even die.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

And so this was really the first moment in my life. You know, not a girlfriend breaking up or losing a basketball game, but a first real moment where basically, it doesn't matter how hard you work, and it doesn't matter how kind you are. You're gonna be deaf.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

The doctor said it could take a few years, or it could take 10.

[Matt Hay]

When something takes 10 years to go away, it's hard to, like, prepare for the moment. You know, it's like waiting for a steamroller.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt was 22. He figured while he still had some hearing in his right ear, he'd sign up for a sign langu. Once a week, he filed into a makeshift classroom at the Chicago parks department.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

You know, those old school desks with names carved in them? Had the little place underneath where you could put your traffic keeper. So there was a little bit of intimidation of, well, it's my first day of school.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt was not good at.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

Took me about six weeks to learn the Alphabet. So that's what, four or five letters a week. I also think most of the people in the room were there to learn sign language because it would be neat. I was there to learn it because.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

It was a need.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

And it's not as fun to learn something out of need versus just a want.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He also started learning to read lips and developed a distaste for mustaches. But there was this other thing he did that nobody taught him that there was no class for.

[Matt Hay]

When you have a neurosurgeon say, hey, you're going to lose your hearing, but that's not that big of a deal. You very quickly want to start hearing things like listen to those songs that really meant a lot to you because you might not ever get to hear them again.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He started listening to his favorite songs on repeat over and over.

[Matt Hay]

So when you think about getting a song stuck in your head, that usually just happens till you hear the next song, and then that one gets stuck in your head. I found myself in a moment where I thought, what songs do I want stuck in my head for the rest of my life?

[Narrator/Interviewer]

It was the late 90s between Matt and his two roommates. They had one computer. It was on a folding table in the corner of the apartment that we.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

Referred to as the portal of knowledge.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt used it to look up song lyrics. He let his roommates fight over what to put in the Sony 5 discchanger. And Matt read the words while he listened, etching the songs into his brain.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

And though the news was rather sad, well, I just had to laugh.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

The Beatles was probably the first music I was a student of.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He and his roommates would geek out, counting the crescendos and deciphering hidden messages.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

That was probably my first introduction into music is more than one layer, but.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

I just have to look.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He did a lot of his music appreciation work on long drives in his silver Dodge Intrepid, rotating through Fish, the Beach Boys, or Prince. It just feels like a very heavy choice to make. And so I'm. I sort of see it as you're choosing the soundtrack for the rest of your life.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

And I don't think that's like an overly dramatic way to put it because I didn't know if I would ever hear again. And so what song do you want stuck in your head from age 25 to 85.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt went for a lot of greatest hits and a few B sides.

[Matt Hay]

It was one of those, like, I really need to start cramming for prints.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

When his hearing went, he wanted to be able to hear the songs in his head, but also conjure the memories he associated with those songs. This one took him back to high school when he and his good friend Stephanie first got their driver's licenses.

[Matt Hay]

And I have great memories going down, driving down the highway and her Subaru legacy with all four windows down on a summer evening and just seven turned up all the way and all of us singing horribly along with it.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt says he was really deliberate about choosing songs he associated with Good Times. He was not memorizing angsty teenage rock anthems or depressing ballads.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

I never connected with melancholy. That was just not how I've been program. If there was a song I associated with sadness or loneliness, it's not something I would have latched onto. So when I think about Good Vibrations, I just think about three buddies in an apartment. You know, we're all working and getting a real paycheck for the first time in our lives, and we've got our own place, and we're going out in the city and we come back from a night out and just, let's play some Beach Boys.

[Matt Hay]

At a time. I can remember thinking, like, But I don't think people appreciate the. Just how great this song is. So that became one that I thought, I really need to, like, capture that song.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Around the same time all this was happening, Matt met a girl, Nora. It was at a New Year's Eve party in Chicago at some point in.

[Matt Hay]

The night, got into this really great conversation with Nora and was just really struck by her. She's incredibly intelligent.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

He was funny.

[Matt Hay]

I remember her just. Just being this very joyful person. He was kind, and she was also very cute.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

And he was cute.

[Matt Hay]

And so I positioned myself to kiss Nora at midnight.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He got Nora's phone number, and the next week he called her. Nora was in med school in Indianapolis at the time. And a couple weekends later, Matt was on his way for a visit. He left work on Friday evening, then stayed until 4am on Monday. It was awesome.

[Matt Hay]

So we started doing that once a month. Then it became every other week. Then it became every week.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

He had a good side, so I would always walk on that side, talk on that side, and it became habit. So that was no big deal, really.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

She started going with Matt to his doctor's appointments, and she started taking those sign language classes too. They doubled down on music together. They went to concerts and festivals.

[Matt Hay]

U2, Paul McCartney, fish camping at fish shows back. You know, I can remember Nora taking a radio in to the bathroom and smell her perfume and overhear the music she's listening to as she's getting ready to go out.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

Searchlights on the skyline Just looking for a friend.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Beautiful way was always the song, who's.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

Gonna love my baby? When she's gone around the band.

[Glenn Washington]

You.

[Matt Hay]

Know, I go on and peek in, and she's singing to herself and just probably having more fun getting ready, listening to music than she had going out.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt remembers this time Nora helped him and his friends move into a new apartment.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

And I remember listening to Beck and being in our new apartment with boxes everywhere and dancing to Beck. And it was the first time I told her, I think I'm falling in love with you.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

Such a beautiful way to break your heart.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

I think when you have the right moment in your life and the right person and the right situation, that the song that's there when that happens can become really powerful for ways that you didn't expect or maybe you can't describe. When I would think, oh, I'm losing my hearing. I would think, nora, I want to make sure that I remember what these sound like.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

And he had a spinal tumor in his neck that became awful to the point where he couldn't really move, sleep, do much at all.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt was going to need major surgery to remove it, but he and Nora had only been dating nine months.

[Matt Hay]

I was like, hey, I get it. Like, you don't owe me anything. I'm going to be in rehab. I don't know what life is going to be like for me. I totally get it if this is more than you wanted to sign up for.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Nora dropped out of med school. She says her priority shifted after falling for a guy with a G disease that reminded her of how short life was.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

You know, we listened to this on the way to surgery. Like, you know, don't worry about a thing is a good theme on your way to brain surgery. This is the song that we did do something other than cry.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

But the surgery wasn't all right. The doctors removed the tumor from the top of his spine, but there was a complication.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

He woke up from that surgery and couldn't walk. And he had sensory loss from the waist down.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Doctors told him they didn't know if he would ever walk again.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

And the doctor casually said, well, wherever we are in a year, that's where we'll be. And that's all anybody really knew.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

Every little thing gonna be all right.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt moved into a rehab center, and he was by far the youngest person there. The schedule was not designed for 23 year olds. Lunch was at 11, dinner was at 4:30, lights out at 6. So Nora would come break him out.

[Matt Hay]

Of there and she'd take me to the mall and push me around in a wheelchair. And we got in trouble for staying out too late, which was like 5:30. 23 year old rehab rebels.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt saw what he had. A girl willing to give up med school to sneak him sandwiches to snuggle in his twin bed watching the World Series. A girl who, after visiting hours, trained for a marathon to raise money for research into neurofibromatosis 2.

[Matt Hay]

You can't not marry. You can't not marry the girl that does that.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Two years after surgery, Matt and Nora got married and bought a condo in Chicago. Life was normal and happy, but Matt could no longer hear soft sounds, like the door opening when Nora came home from work, or her heels on the kitchen floor.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

Our system was when she would walk in the door to flip the lights on and off, because otherwise I'd be doing something and all of a sudden she'd be there and would scare me.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Talking on the phone was a big problem. Matt couldn't follow conversations, so it would only work if he asked the questions, simple questions. And remember, this was before texting for.

[Matt Hay]

Me to be able to call and say, did you need me to go to the grocery on the way home? She'll say, one for yes, two for no. She'll say e, yes or no?

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

No.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

It was August 18th of 2004, and Matt had come home for lunch that day. We had lunch on our rooftop. And I remember him walking away and I yelled to him and he didn't turn, which then with one ear, he could have, should have, and he went back to work.

[Matt Hay]

I can remember being in the elevator in my office at work, and somebody was making small talk. And for no reason at all, it sounded like they were underwater when they talked to me.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

He called me and he said, things are sounding weird today. It's tinny, it's muffley, like something's not right.

[Matt Hay]

So I hopped on the train and I went home. And Nora, as soon as Nora got home from work, I said, I think.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

I think we're done.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

We were told this is how it could go.

[Matt Hay]

There's a place on Division Street, Adobo Grill, that has great margaritas and great guacamole.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

The tableside guacamole.

[Matt Hay]

So we went and got guac. Like, what do you do when you lose your hearing?

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

You go get margaritas and guacamole.

[Matt Hay]

And so I can remember walking there and just sitting across, having margaritas and telling each other I love you.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

He wanted me to laugh. He wanted me to laugh so he would remember that and hear me say I love you.

[Matt Hay]

You can mouth the words I love you to somebody. You can sign I love you to somebody. But I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make sure I remember what it sounded like.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

Such a beautiful way to break your heart.

[Glenn Washington]

If you're about to descend into total silence, what are the last words you want to hear? Matt's journey continues in just a moment.

[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

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[Glenn Washington]

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[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

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[Glenn Washington]

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[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

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[Glenn Washington]

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[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

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[Glenn Washington]

Welcome back to Snap. Judgment the Muse episode. When last we left, Matt Hay was coming grips with the biggest challenge he had ever faced. Snap judgment.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

A lot of people think being deaf is like living in absolute silence, but not for Matt.

[Matt Hay]

I would have one ear that sounded like a roaring freight train, and the other ear would sound like a cryptic organ in its constant sound coming in at different pitches and what feels like different volume. They don't exactly know what causes it, but it's almost like phantom limb pain, where your brain wants to hear something, and when it can't, it manufactures its own noise.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

But in terms of the outside world, he got nothing. Even fire alarms, nothing.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

I would leave doors open, leave cars.

[Matt Hay]

Running, burn pizzas in the oven.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

I remember the first couple of days I would forget. I would see something, or I'd go to tell him something, or I'd say, matt, Matt. And then I'd be like, matt, Matt. He doesn't hear me. Like, it doesn't matter how loud I yell anymore. I remember sitting there in my condo, looking right at him, screaming, and just being reminded, like, wow, this has changed.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt and Nora had taken those sign language classes, but they never got past the beginner level.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

When the time came, when we needed it, that's not how we communicated. It was more fingerspelling or even charades.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

We're not just talking about, did you feed the dog? Will you get the mail? They're in their mid-20s, just building a marriage, and the only way they could talk about anything was to spell out every word they wanted to say.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

It was super frustrating, super frustrating. And at a time when I needed him, I mean, we even had to learn. We had to learn to communicate, but we had to learn how to fight, too.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

They couldn't yell anymore.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

And it's hard to, when you're mad, to slow down and enunciate and keep eye contact, because sometimes you want to just throw something and walk out of the room, but you can't.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Matt and Nora were talking about massive decisions or doing charades about them, like how Matt needed another brain surgery to finally remove the tumor on his hearing nerve. And there was an experimental part of the surgery, too, that really scared Matt. Doctors were going to implant a new hearing device right at the bottom of Matt's brain. It's called an auditory BrainSTEM implant, or ABI.

[Matt Hay]

One of the things that really scared me most through this process was I like to research. I'm in marketing research. I research things as a career. And so when I went to research the ABI or I want to talk to people about the experience, There was nobody to talk to.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

At the time of Matt's surgery, only 200 people in the world had one of these devices.

[Matt Hay]

And the one person I finally get in touch with was just miserable. They were really unhappy with their avi. They were really unhappy with their experience. Even if it does work, you should expect what they would describe as hearing life noises, buzzers, alarms. And at that point, when you can't hear anything that even sounds great.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

There was only a 50, 50 chance that the device would work at all. But those were better odds than not going through with the surgery and never hearing again.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

Despite Nora's best efforts, it's still a very isolating, lonely feeling, because if I'm going to live my life deaf, I'm always going to be the guy that puts people out. I'm always going to be the guy that needs something. Captioned I'm always going to be the guy.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He decided to go for it. So a month after Matt and Nora sat over margaritas saying their final I love yous, Matt had the abi device implanted in his brain stem. And a month after that, the doctors filed back into his hospital room and turned on his new ears.

[Matt Hay]

At first, it just sounded like water running, Sounded like somebody smashing up newspaper or wrapping paper. Things were just very robotic. And the sound you're used to, you know, you can kind of tell, you can locate noise. You can kind of feel noise coming in your ears. This was totally different because the sound came from the inside out. It went directly to my brain. So it bypassed the, like, feeling of being able to hear.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Normal hearing relies on 60,000 nerve fibers. Matt was down to 21 man made electrodes. And all the sound coming through the abi device was just gibberish. Everything sounded the same.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

Clapping or a dog bark or an oven timer going off. Everything just had the same kind of wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

[Matt Hay]

Charlie brown's teacher is probably the best analogy I can make. There was no clarity to anything.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

But every couple months for the next year, Matt went to the audiologist so he could essentially tune the abi. He would adjust each of the 21 electrodes until those sounds gradually came into focus. The guy to do that was Matt's audiologist At the house ear institute in Los Angeles.

[Steve Otto (Audiologist)]

I'm Steve Otto.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He's kind of like a piano tuner.

[Steve Otto (Audiologist)]

And I've been doing that for 30.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Years, making all the electrodes on the ABI device work together in harmony.

[Steve Otto (Audiologist)]

So I test each one of the 21 electrodes, and I'll ask the person, oh, what's it sound like? Is it low pitch? Is it high pitch?

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

So if anybody's gotten fitted for glasses and you go in and they put the big discs in front of your eyes and they say, which is better, this or this? And the A goes from really blurry to being really crisp.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Once Matt was able to distinguish basic sounds, the oven timer, from the dog barking, it was time to try a word test.

[Steve Otto (Audiologist)]

Smile, and they hear the recording. Say a word, and their job is to repeat the word school.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

This is really hard for new ABI patients to get right.

[Steve Otto (Audiologist)]

They say, you know, when you say mom, what I hear doesn't go with what I see on your lips.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

For those first several months after surgery, Matt was communicating one word at a time. And yet, somehow, to Nora and Matt, it seemed like the perfect time to talk about whether or not they should have kids. But Matt was coming off his second brain surgery.

[Matt Hay]

Then I start wondering, you know, can I be a dad? Can I. Am I even going to be happy? Or can I do all of the things that I want to do as a parent? Would I ever hear the sound and hear my kids talk?

[Narrator/Interviewer]

The power of that fear, the power of that longing to communicate with his own children could actually help him. Otto says having kids or a job are the main predictors for how well people do with the abi. Six months after surgery, Matt was going to have both. He was back at work full time. His boss found him a new market research job that he could do online. And Nora was pregnant with twins. Matt says he wanted to hear his kids first words just like anything else.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

Practice, practice, practice.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Just as it was slowly taken from him, sounds one by one started to sound familiar again.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

The sound of my wife's heels on hardwood floors when she would come walking in. So I couldn't hear the door open because that was a soft sound. But I would know she would be home because of the click, click, click of the heels.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

There was one time he was coming back from the grocery store, walking up the stairs to their condo, and I.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

Kept hearing this whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He stopped and looked around. He examined the heating vents.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

When you only have one ear, you can't identify where sound comes from. So I hear this whooshing sound, but I have no idea if that's from above, below, right next to me.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He put the groceries down and retraced his steps down the stairs.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

And so it wasn't until I had walked back down and back up that I realized it was the sound of the seam on the inside of my jeans rubbing against each other. And it had been maybe 20 years since I had heard something like. As soft and subtle as the sound of your own pants rubbing against each other when you walk.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Then one day, he and Nora got into the car. Usually they turn the radio off, but this time Matt recognized a rhythm coming out of the speakers.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

That first moment of hearing Crazy Game of Poker, it was like a little light went on. I thought, you know what? Maybe this is going to be an option. If you've ever seen the movie Pleasantville, it starts out black and white. And there's a scene where something happens and one person is in color, but everything else is still in black and white. And it's almost like, whoa, wait, what's happening? That's how it felt to me.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He realized he could go back to the catalog of songs he had memorized. To train himself how to recognize sounds. He decided to listen on repeat again. He'd go for drives and pull out his old CDs. Just the simple stuff. Songs with minimal lyrics and really clear rhythms.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

So I could say, hey, is this Let it be? Because I got the, like, bom, bom, bom.

[Matt Hay]

Particularly Beatles.

[Matt Hay (reflection/thoughts)]

That was just clean and, like, an easy melody. And, you know, some of their songs only have 10 words. You know, I wasn't. I wasn't really hearing the music. I was identifying the music.

[Matt Hay]

That maybe I'm not getting the, like, unique moments within the music, but I need to manage my expectations.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

But it was enough for Matt to realize that he might be able to recapture a fuller spectrum of hearing than he first thought.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

After I lost my hearing, my goal was to be able to hear people say, hello and I love you. It gave me motivation to set that finish line a little bit farther out.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Because now he and Nora had two little babies, a boy and a girl. Luke and Madeline. A couple years later, they had another daughter, Kate.

[Nora (Matt's perspective)]

There was a moment when Luke and Maddie were babies. We had two rockers in the nursery. So we'd, like, sit side by side and read and play the Beatles lullabies.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

And in the middle of the night, they were a bit older and couldn't sleep.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

My mentality was, let's come up with a new song to sing.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

So he turned back to the repertoire in his head.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

Prince, I can't really think anything offhand that is going to console a crying toddler. Michael Jackson, what's next? And working my way to U2.

[Matt Hay]

And so I would sing and probably butchered the lyrics, but that's the beauty of singing to a two year old. I can remember Kate, sing the U2 song. Sing the U2 song.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

He looked up the lyrics and read them while he listened back to the song. Just like in his old apartment with the Portal of Knowledge.

[Nora (Matt's wife)]

When I listen to All I Want Is yous Now, the memory it takes me back to is Kate being an infant and toddler. And there aren't very many songs at all that I listen to now where my memory is of something that occurred after I lost my hearing. And I didn't realize that until right now.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Luke And Maddie are 11 now. Kate is 9.

[Matt Hay]

When you would go to bed, do you remember?

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

I remember that one you would say.

[Matt Hay]

Sing the U2 song.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

You sing. Oh yeah, that one. Diamonds and a ring of gold.

[Matt Hay]

A.

[Song Lyrics/Background Singer]

Story to remain untold but all the promises we made oh yeah.

[Glenn Washington]

Thank you so much to Matt Hay for sharing your story. The snap a version of that story first aired on KQED's Queued up podcast.

[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

Go get that one.

[Glenn Washington]

The sound design was by April Demboski, with additional support from Renzo Gorio and Leon Morimoto. That story is produced by April Demboski. Now then, when Snap Judgment returns. Do you ever want to be a genius without all the fuss and bother and hard work? Well, then, do I have a story for you when the Muse episode continues. Stay tuned.

[Derek Amato]

Dr. Do.

[Glenn Washington]

From Snap Judgment Underground Studios. Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the Muse episode. My name is Glenn Washington. Now, we often imagine that there's a person behind the person that's doing the big thing, someone that inspires you to persevere and all that. But what if there was another way? Our next story begins when a man named Derek Amato went home to visit his mother. Snap judgment.

[Derek Amato]

In 2006, I went to visit my mother in the Midwest right before my 40th birthday, and I got together with a couple high school friends for a barbecue and we were at the swimming pool in the apartment complex. You know, one thing led to another. It became doing back flips off the side of the swimming pool into the water. And I went running along the side of the pool and I dove in towards the shallow end. Well, matter of fact, the very shallow end. And I remember striking the bottom with the upper left part of my head. It was just this enormous bang. It was as if someone just stuck two sticks of dynamite in my ears and my head exploded. I remember coming out of the water and reaching immediately for my ears because I thought my ears were bleeding. I couldn't hear anything. So I Absolutely had no understanding of what was going on. And I guess I made it towards the edge of the pool. And when I got to the edge of the pool, I collapsed. And they pulled me out onto the. To the concrete and I went unconscious. I don't remember anything after hitting my head, but they took me to the emergency room and I was diagnosed with a major concussion with no bleeding. They sent me home to my mom's house and I slept for about four days. I remember waking up on the fifth morning. My neck was sore, my head was beating pretty swelled up in that upper area. My eyes were blackened. And I knew my hearing wasn't right. And I didn't know at that time that I had lost almost half of the hearing from the impact in my left side. Everything was dampened, but I felt reasonably okay, just a little beat up. That evening I went over to my best friend Rick's house and I went over to visit him. And he's got a little studio and he was playing his guitar. And so he sat down to take a break and. And I had this incredibly strange, bizarre feeling that I simply needed to go sit down at that little keyboard he had up there. I've never really been a musician, but it was just. It felt right. So I went over and sat down at it, and my fingers began to play as if I had played pretty much all my life. And this is the very first piece that I ever played. And Rick looked at me and I looked at him and I didn't know what to say. I was freaked out. What are you supposed to think when you all of a sudden sit down at a piano and you've never touched one, and your hands are moving at a rapid pace and doing things that you've never, never even tried? We didn't know what to think. It was like eerie, intense, and at the same time beautiful. I wasn't sure how to really explain it to my mom. I didn't know how to where to start. So I asked her while we were having a cup of coffee if she would go with me to the music store, that I would like to show her something. And we jumped in the car and headed over to the music store. We walked in and went over to one of the pianos with my mom. I sat down and I started playing and she started crying. And then the salesman come over and said, how long have you been playing? And I said, well, about five hours. And of course he gave me the strangest look, like I was pulling his chain. And my mom sat there crying. I played for maybe 10, 20 minutes for her. We got up and got in the car, and it was a very quiet drive back to the house. A week or two goes by, and I reached out to Dr. Darrell Treffert, whom was the advisor for the film Rain Man. I was diagnosed with acquired musical savant syndrome, which is immediate musical genius or immediate ability. My mind basically creates a pattern of black and white squares that almost go in like a ticker tape in a circle. So these black and white squares are my brain's musical notation. For some reason, those black and white squares tell my hands where to go so I don't capture all of them. There's absolutely no way to. They're going at a pace that is so intense that I can grab and display some of it, but certainly not all of it. The doctors refer to this as synesthesia. Those black and white squares dictate what I play. I have no control of what comes next. I have no idea what those notes are gonna be. So sometimes it's pop, and sometime it's rock, and sometimes it's Beethoven. From my understanding, there's about 30 acquired savants on the planet, and I am the only one to be an acquired musical savant from a brain injury. Before the accident, I was a pretty typical aggressive business person. I was making great money. I go to work and chase the almighty dollar, and then I'd come home and go to bed and do it all over again the next day. But after the accident, because of all the attention I was getting, I just didn't. I never went back to corporate America. It's a challenging road when you just walk away from your job and think you're going to become a superstar because of a gift the next day. It doesn't quite happen like that. It's been the financial struggle, and it's been brutal. I have a 1984 Winnebago. Little did I know it would become my shelter for, well, quite a while. I was homeless. I didn't have any running water and no heat, and I ate nuts and dried fruit and tuna that comes in those little foil bags. You know, you start to second guess yourself and you say, am I being selfish? Am I. Am I chasing a dream with a gift that may not possibly pay your bills? It's a bit intense when doctors and the world start putting a title on you that is so profound. And, you know, just because you fall under the title of a savant doesn't mean you're the best piano player on the planet. My skills are above average, maybe, but I've never known how to read music. I still don't get it. It just makes absolutely no sense. I can't even get a grasp where a C or a D or an E should be on the piano. I can hear the tone. I just can't. I can't show you where it is. I'm just able to take what I'm seeing being produced in my mind and make some sense of it with my hands. People call me and say they wanted me to get involved with their charities. I go in and I do like a 40 or 70 minute storyteller set. I play a little, I talk, but the work I get is sporadic. And when I get invited to perform or speak or what have you, there's a price tag on everything we do in this lifetime. And I get overwhelmed and overstimulated and sometimes I'm just exhausted. And I go into my little space where I feel okay, and that's usually in the studio. That's my comfort zone. You know, I get asked often what it would be like if I wake up tomorrow and if it's not here. And when I sit down at the piano, you know, it's always a surprise. So I live in the moment, and I think I'm going to continue to live in the moment because that's what brings me joy.

[Glenn Washington]

Yes, that happened. But snappers. Please, please, please, please, please do not try to reproduce the effect at home. It can't be done. I've tried. Big thanks to Derek for sharing his story with a snap. Some of the music for that story, including the song you just heard, was played by Derek himself. The sound design was by Pat Mesiti Miller. It was produced by Anna Sussman. Okay, so do you want more amazing.

[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

Storytelling in your life?

[Glenn Washington]

Well, I know a perfect way to make it happen. Subscribe to the Snap Judgment podcast and.

[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

Bring the magic with you wherever you go.

[Glenn Washington]

Itunes. Stitcher. However you get your podcast, get this one snapjudgment.org Snap was brought to you by the letter Y, the color blue and chocolate. Snap us lots and lots of chocolate. Additional production support provided by the uber producer, Mr. Mark Ristich.

[Narrator/Interviewer]

Boom Boom.

[Glenn Washington]

Pat Vasili Miller. Anna the Truth Sussman. Shayna Rockstar Sheili.

[Snap Judgment Host/Announcer]

She's back. The attack of Liz Mack the Thinker.

[Glenn Washington]

Joel Rosenberg the Doer. Renzo Goriot the Dreamer. Eliza Smith. Tail the Cot knows things. Leon Morimoto knows things. Nancy Lopez knows things. And then there's Jasmine Aguilera. And even though this is not the news, no way is this the news. In fact, we could tell a story about your high school muse on the national radio airwaves and when she reaches out on Facebook to let you know she randomly heard something that reminded her of back in the day and suddenly you feel exactly like you did then you would still still not be as far away from the news as this is Snappus, but this is P R.