← So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
1759: Your #1 Asset Isn't Money. It's Time. Here's How to Make the Most of It.
00:32:25
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- [00:00]
Farnoosh Tarabi
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for Career.
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Heather Chauvet
Day and said he was a big roas man.
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Farnoosh Tarabi
Then he told everyone how much he.
- [00:09]
Heather Chauvet
Loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn.
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Farnoosh Tarabi
You'Ll be able to reach people who do.
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Heather Chauvet
Get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to Be To Be.
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Unknown
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So Money Episode 1759 the Best Ways to own and steer your time as your most valuable asset. You're listening to so Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Tarabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration. The world's top business minds, authors, influencers and from Farnoosh yourself looking for ways to save on gas or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to so Money.
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Heather Chauvet
If you are keeping a story of like I can't, I can't, I can't, I won't, I need to control this, I need to do it all. You're defending that you get to keep it and so you have to realize that getting on the other side of that is going to be emotionally uncomfortable. Discomfort is part of this process.
- [02:35]
Unknown
Welcome back to so Money, everybody. Our conversation today is going to shift a little bit to how we think about time. It is, in fact, a currency, our most precious and often overlooked asset. And returning to the show is my friend Heather Chauvet. She's a dynamic speaker, the host of the podcast Emotionally Uncomfortable and the the author of the book Dying to Be a Good Mother. How I Dropped the Guilt and Took Control of My Parenting and My Life. And she has a lot of wisdom, new ways of thinking on time management. Her journey began in crisis, a stage four cancer diagnosis. But from that moment, she built a revolutionary approach to owning and investing time to live richer and with more intention. So on this episode today, we're going to dive into Heather's signature concept that she calls energetic time management, where time isn't just about productivity or calend. But we'll talk about Google Calendars. It's about aligning your energy, your values, and your desire to create a life that feels as good as it looks. She's going to share the origin of this system, the realizations that she had while juggling motherhood and her career, and why most of us are in what she calls time debt. You'll also want to hear what she calls the million dollar minute. It's a strategy that can completely change the way you look at your time. Let's dive in. Heather Chauvet. Welco to Sow money. I love having you on the show and today, a special episode. We're going to be talking about how to be time rich. Love this topic. And you have said that, you know, time is your thing. Time is your thing. I quote, you have a signature approach to managing and investing our time so we can feel rich. This idea of time being a currency. First, Heather, just tell us how you define. You define being time rich.
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Heather Chauvet
Yes, Varnish, I am. This is such a interesting conversation to have because I know you're all about money. And rich to me is a feeling. It is something that people want and I'm using air quotes. They want to feel a certain way. And oftentimes we don't think of feeling rich with time. We're so used to being in time debt, feeling like we never have enough, that there's so much on our plate. And so I always define being time rich as owning your time, taking ownership of your time, feeling in control that you are utilizing the asset of time in alignment with the life that you want to live, whether it's how you want to feel in your parenting, how you want to feel like health wise, which is a huge part of my story, how you want to grow your career, your business, your relationships, all of that. And so when I utilized time and respected it the same way that we kind of respect or see money culturally, it completely changed how I did everything.
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Unknown
Take us back in time and tell us how you were relating to time. What was the moment you realized this is broken and I want to, I want to get get healthier with time.
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Heather Chauvet
I think you kind of, you mentioned it, which is like, this is a relationship. I think number one is we have to realize that everything in life is a relationship. And my story goes back to enjoy 2013. It goes way back, even before that, but specifically in 2013 with time was when I was diagnosed with a stage four cancer diagnosis. And previous to that, nine years before that, that's when I became a mother. And so typically, what's the conversation that we hear around parenting and motherhood and womanhood is I don't have enough, I don't have enough time. I don't have enough time. We're so busy, give, give, give, give, give to everybody else. And it wasn't until I had being taken away from me that I had to really heal not only my physical self, but also my relationship to time. I went from telling myself, I don't have enough, I don't have enough, I don't have enough to how can I utilize time to get me to a point where I feel the way that I want to feel? And so it changed how I kind of looked at goal setting, how I looked at relationships. And that's where my energetic time management process was kind of born.
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Unknown
I've heard you talk about the importance of energy versus time, the importance of managing energy versus time. I would love for you to elaborate on this.
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Heather Chauvet
I think we can swing the pen. Any practical strategies for us to implement.
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Unknown
In our daily routines?
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Heather Chauvet
They're talking about productivity and the planners and the 24 hours in a day. And then on the other side of that is all about energetics and manifestation and all the things I like to kind of live in the middle where I understand I need, need the planning system. But I'm also not a robot. And I have desires inside of me. I have needs. And just because somebody else can wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning does not mean that that is in alignment with my season of life or where I'm at or how much they can get done. And what I realized was this like, fluidness of If I saw everything as energy, like my mental energy, the stories I'm telling myself, how I like that conversation I'm having in my mind, the beliefs that I hold, my emotional energy, like, what am I feeling? How do I want to feel my physical energy? How is my physical body feeling? And then also the physical of time, the 24 hours in a day. And spiritual energy. And spiritual energy to me is not necessarily associated with a religion. It is like, what is my soul craving? Like, what is it that lights me up? What is it that I want to do? And I think as women, humans in general, this is very counterintuitive that it wasn't until I had to do these things, like, they were always there. I was always curious about it. But until I kind of checked the box and gave myself permission to lean into these things, I started managing, learning how to manage my mental, physical, emotional, spiritual energy. And when I focused on that versus how much can, can I get done in a day, it radically transformed how much energy I had and allowed me to be more productive. And I had capacity to show up for my kids differently, manage my energy differently, show up for my team differently, my clients and I felt better. And it's so counterintuitive to think that way because we're so ingrained to just get shit done and not necessarily be come the person that we want to be.
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Unknown
Yeah, right. We're human doers, not human beings. The idea that if I clear my calendar, if I'm doing less, that's what's going to make me happier is also a potential myth.
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Right.
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You have clients who say, well, you know, Heather, I. I have less on my calendar. I've intentionally blocked things off my calendar, but I'm still stressed.
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So would love for you to share.
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I actually think that can be what the disconnect to a lot of.
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Heather Chauvet
Especially if you're going from like 0 to 60. I remember being that person. And I attract a lot of ambitious women. Most of them are raising children. They have deep, deep desires. They want to make an impact in the world, which is a feeling. And so when you tell people to do less, you're still, you still have space to fill. And so that's where you're kind of shifting from the doer. Because we're so conditioned and our identity is attached to doing, doing for others, like being quote, unquote, product that, okay, great, you're doing less now, but you still have space to fill. So a visual example of this is like, you have a closet and you're like, I don't like any of this. You clear the closet completely. It's like, what do you want to fill it with? So instead of just filling it with more crap, how about you ask yourself, like, what do I want my life to look like? What do I want my life to feel like? And I started. One of my favorite journal prompts is, wouldn't it be nice if. And I use this all the time because it gets me to think about the future. It gets me to think about what's inside of me that wants to come out, that wants to be birthed. And it might start with, wouldn't it be nice if I could have a glass of water? Like the tiniest, tiniest thing. I call those breadcrumbs. And when we start to look at those desires, what's on our wouldn't it be nice List? And we start to check those off, then we're now kind of like filling that quote unquote closet, like filling parts of ourselves with things that are energizing us. And so the doing shifts slightly. And you realize that's where fulfillment comes from. It's not. We're not getting fulfilled from being taskmasters. We're getting fulfillment from really listening to ourselves and leading from that place, if that makes sense.
- [11:46]
Unknown
It does.
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It does.
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And so if time is a currency, time is as precious as money, then what are the parallels between time and money? How we use time and invest it and save it and budget it.
- [11:58]
Heather Chauvet
So I'm sure you've obviously had these conversations with people or seeing people who have, like a lot of money in the bank, but they're feeling not amazing when it comes to money. And I had to realize very early on that the thing that I was after was not the thing. It was a. It was a feeling. But I could, if I said, I want to quote, unquote, become a millionaire, everyone says that, and they're like, do you even know what that actually means? Like, do you know what is required to. To do that? But what do you think you're going to feel when you get there? And so then I started taking the strategic, logical action. You know, whether you're saving money, whether you're looking at your money, whether you're investing money, whatever that is. But when it came to time, same thing. So everything that you do, just cross out money and add time. But I had to start treating time like money. And so I talked about this in my book. Dying to Be a Good Mother was the million dollar Minute. And this was just like a little simple mindset shift that I Started to adopt because I was leaking time, wasting time, giving away my time is. I started asking myself, heather, if every 60 seconds, like, if every minute of your life was valued at $1 million, would you invest it the way you're currently investing it? So a perfect example, text messages. We all have a slight phone addiction. So here I am to my phone. Open it up, I have five text messages. Everybody's acting like 911, and they're not real emergencies, but their expectation is that I need to respond asap. Now, you may not think it's that big of a deal, but if I stop and I take five minutes of my time, I go, oh, it's only five minutes. I'm taking away from something else. That is a higher leverage action for the life I want to create. And so if I ask myself, if I stop myself and I go, is this worth $5 million? And if I immediately go, no, then I'm going to learn to set boundaries with my time and I'm going to teach people how to treat me. And then I will respond to those text messages hours from now, after I am done taking the action I need and saying, oh, hey, did you solve this problem? And I'm teaching them, yeah, I don't, like, react like this. This is not the relationship. This is not how we're going to co create together. Everyone begins to learn and you have more space. And so when we're shifting how we are investing time, it radically will shift how much time you actually feel you have.
- [14:39]
Unknown
Going back to what you were saying about how you want to feel, figuring out what you want, and then making sure that it tracks with how you're spending your time. How do you actually know and trust that feeling? And how do you arrive at that sort of discovery without going through a tragedy or experiencing burnout? You know, trusting what you actually want can be tricky because part of what fuels our desires is fomo. So let's get a little beneath the surface here. How do we figure out that emotional foundation for then designing our time?
- [15:10]
Heather Chauvet
So going back to fomo, I think we all know what that feels like. And I started. I shifted my podcast. It actually used to be called Mama's in Control. And I was like, I'm letting that go, because control's not even a feeling. And now it's called emotionally uncomfortable, because you need to be able to feel the FOMO and ask yourself if leaning into this and getting that instant gratification, is that in alignment with the bigger vision? And if they can physically see me right now on My hat, it says, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel? I ask myself this question on the daily, probably minimum 50 times. And going back to that, wouldn't it be nice? List. The second thing I do after I write a list like that, and it could just be for one area of your life. You could be thinking about a season that you're going into. It could be your whole life. It could be, how do you want to feel with your money? Like, what are your goals for 2025? The second thing I do is I get clear on the feeling, okay, I want to be a millionaire. What's the feeling? I want to feel safe, whatever it is for you. But people are going to have. I want to feel energized. I want to feel abundant. I want to feel organized, I want to feel alive. I want to feel accomplished. No one is going to put. I want to feel like shit. I want to be depleted, I want to be in debt. Everyone wants extra, Everyone wants more. And so I walk through life and this is what I teach people. I say, how do you want to feel? And you can observe yourself going, okay, I'm about to enter this conversation with someone. I have to enter an emotionally uncomfortable conversation. I need to have a situation where I need to hold a boundary and we need to talk about stuff. How do I want to feel? I want to feel connected. What words need to come out of my mouth where I can say this in alignment with how I want to feel? So going back to fomo, how do I want to feel? I want to feel proud, I want to feel excited. Great. Is buying into this FOMO right now going to be in alignment with the bigger vision? And if the answer is no, then I have to feel the emotional discomfort to and move through it to get to the journey of quote, unquote, freedom or aliveness on the other side of that. And I think that's where we get really, really confused with what I would call managing emotion is people will say to me, actually just had this conversation with a woman this morning, Heather. I'm trying really hard to feel. Trying really, really hard. And I go down this dark hole and I feel like I could feel the. She called it darkness. But I'm trying really, really hard to get out of it. And I'm like, are you trying hard to get out of it or avoid it? And so sometimes we need to feel the contrast of both sides. We want the abundance, we want, quote, unquote, more money. We want to feel safe, but we don't want to look at it. We don't want to open our bank accounts. It's the same with time. You want more time, you want energy, but you won' even look at where you're investing in. So we have to actually feel more of what we don't want in order to get to where we do want.
- [18:23]
Unknown
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- [20:20]
Farnoosh Tarabi
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- [20:50]
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A lot of what you've shared so far has been more foundational. The questions we need to ask ourselves to get to the root of why our schedules and our times are not feeling like they're in our control. There is so much I think that can be done in terms of, you know, outsourcing, setting boundaries, protecting your time, physically blocking time off your calendar. Right. So that you can be more intentional about things like sleep and socializing your actual work hours. And so what are some low hanging fruit things that we can grab and do? I love outsourcing, for example. It's one of my favorite ways to invest my time wisely. Offer us some practical tactical steps for managing our schedules and honoring our time.
- [22:08]
Heather Chauvet
Okay, so I don't know who said this and if you know, you can let me know. But this is not my quote. You get to keep what you defend. If you are keeping a story of like, I can't, I can't, I can't, I won't, I need to control this, I need to do it all. You're defending that you get to keep it. And so you have to realize that getting on the other side of that is going to be emotionally uncomfortable. Discomfort is part of this process. Whether it's investing, to offload things to scale, to grow. We don't know what we don't know. So when it comes to a Google Calendar and people have a lot of resistance to this, this is my suggestion. And it doesn't matter if you feel like you have control over your time or not, because people who are in like a 9 to 5 corporate setting, they'll say, I'm not in control of my time or, or all the things just sit with the curiosity. What if I did have control over my time? What would that look like you have to just have a little crack of openness in your mind. So the first thing I do on my Google calendar, like if I showed it to you right now, it would probably be overwhelming to people. I uncheck everything so that it's a clear Google Calendar and I create a test calendar, a wouldn't it be nice calendar. And I actually do this monthly or quarterly and my team sees it. So my test calendar or my like template is Mondays, I do this, Fridays I do this, and I write down my wouldn't it be nice List just for time. What do I want my calendar. Wouldn't it be nice if I had no meetings on Friday? Wouldn't it be nice if every Wednesday at noon, the most inappropriate time, I had a massage? Like, like the ridiculousness. These things don't need to come true. But write it all down and then start to block that out on your calendar. So mine is a light, light yellow and I have my templated calendar. So let's say someone says, hey, can we connect? And I look at my calendar and I'm like, I have three hours of open time on Thursday. I'm like, yeah, we can talk on Thursday. But if I can see what my template calendar is supposed to be, and it's like, like that time is supposed to be for creative brainstorming time or something else. And my connection calls are supposed to be on Tuesday afternoon. My brain goes to, oh, I can talk at 2, like Tuesday at 2. And so the point is you're organized and then you can lean in to work into that calendar. So it might take you a few weeks, it might take you a month, it might take you months. But then this way, I'm training people again. And I'm training my own brain to align my desire with physical time.
- [24:56]
Unknown
And what I'm learning, what you're teaching is that when you choose to do one thing with your time, you're essentially choosing not to do all these other things. And we don't typically do that math in our minds. We just go, go, go. We get to the end of the week and we realize we didn't do all those things. And I guess that's just life.
- [25:12]
Heather Chauvet
I was going to say, what I actually do is I'm going to be. I never follow through 100% perfectly. So what I actually do is when things are on the calendar, I review my calendar, it might be end of day or week. And I asked myself, why didn't I get that done? And that too can be a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. Humbling. Where I'm like, yeah, you didn't get that done because that was a three hour task, not a ten minute task. And so the reality of time versus, oh, you didn't get that done because someone needed you and you had no issue to go to their rescue instead of holding a boundary. So learn about yourself and your patterns. So again, it's giving yourself some grace to just be reflective of the patterns rather than shaming yourself. So I never follow through completely, but at this point I just laugh at myself with my unrealistic expectations.
- [26:11]
Unknown
And sometimes I have the opposite problem. I think I will. I could never get this done this week. It's going to take me three, four hours and then I do it. And it's actually a 15 minute task because I tend to blow things up in my head. I tend to overthink.
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Heather Chauvet
So when I think so that's like a mental energy. When I think that, like, oh my gosh, it's going to take forever. I will actually put it on my calendar for 10 minutes and I will make a reoccurring task. And I'm like, okay, you're only allowed to spend 10 minutes on this every single day for the next week. And then you're going to have 70 minutes instead of 0 minutes. And like you said, you get it done in a day or two because it wasn't that big of a deal. So I'm like, okay, just 10 minutes, that's all I'm doing today. And you realize it's just starting. That's the issue. It's not. It's not time itself.
- [26:55]
Unknown
You've said, Heather, that motherhood cracked you open. And I think that is so relatable. That visual is like, yep, been there, still in it. I want to focus now on the domestic domain. We are a lot of your clients, and you and I, we're professional women, many people who listen to so money. We're professionally ambitious and we are not comfortable with releasing ourselves from being at the forefront of domesticity, whatever that looks for you, whatever the family dynamic is for you. We are living like basically dual lives. And that obviously don't have to tell you that can lead to burnout, resentment, divorce, all the things. And so there's this great book I reference a lot called Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu. And she's been on this podcast and she's been very candid. She's like, when I was building my business, it sometimes meant that I didn't hang out with my kids, I didn't go to their school activities and my daughter, who was 13 at the time, or 12 at the time, would get angry at me and I'd say, you know what? Tough. And that's tough. I don't know if I could do that. But it was, it was just refreshing to hear about how we can give ourselves permission to drop the ball. And even dropping the ball, I don't love the term so much because it sounds like you're leaving a mess, but actually maybe you are creating more space. That is a long term investment. Again, it's like going back to the money principles. Time is an investment. What are some ways that women particularly can quote, unquote, you know, drop the ball or whatever the expression you prefer at home? Do we lower our expectations, our standards? Do we outsource? Do we just say, I'm not going to do that anymore? Like, this is like the final frontier. We have not conquered, who's going to do the laundry? But I want to hear from what has worked for you, what you've heard from clients, like, because I think this is just, this could be its own podcast.
- [28:53]
Heather Chauvet
I think this is such a primal, rooted challenge. I remember early on. So first of all, I completely appreciate when I hear a woman say, you do not need to spend 24 hours a day with your children. It for me, when I hear that, I, I have a sigh of relief. I do think currently we live in a culture that has. We spend more time with our children than our parents probably spent with us in the generations before that. And so the cultural expectation, the invisible cultural expectations are incredibly high. And we have high standards, but we are very, very smart and intelligent that we could say that's unrealistic, but yet I do believe that there is this primal force within us as women that sometimes overrides this invisible expectation. Logically, we know, but yet guilt or fear or shame are the underlying pillars of this. I remember when I started my business making zero money and we were scraping by and I remember having this internal thought or narrative with myself that I could not say out loud, which was, I cannot be a stay at home mom. That is not a desire of mine. But I do desire to have quality, connected time with my children and some type of flexibility. So I need to figure this out. But I. There's no way that I, I want to be 100% in this. There's something in me that I need to feed, some type of ambition, something I need to go after. And I knew intuitively that if I, I didn't feed that desire, I was actually going to be disruptive towards my children's wellbeing. And I watched that play out. And I want. My guilt got so, so big when I started to go after what I wanted and desired. But deeper inside of me, I knew that if I didn't, if I didn't feed that part of myself, that I would not be a good role model for my children. And I had to lean back into deep, deep self trust. And I could not tell anyone for a really, really long time. I would lie to them. I would tell them what they wanted to hear or needed to hear to leave me alone. And that was a huge internal battle and struggle where I would just sit with big, big guilt while I was trying to claw my way through that. So I can understand that. And I don't think it's as easy as just outsource and do all these things because we're battling with, with this primal instinct. But I do think we need to be radically honest with ourselves. One of the biggest lessons I had from cancer was and being a mother. I became a mom when I was 18. My boys are now almost 20, 15 and 12. And also this cultural belief or story, it gets easier as they get older, which that to me has not been what I have found. And I actually find doing that inner work on myself has actually made me, me a better support for my children as they've gotten older because they have more emotional challenges, they have real life things. And I need to be able to hold those big things for them and lead them in bigger decisions rather than like, did you shit your pants or not? Or what did your friend say to you on the playground? Like, there's big, big things that are coming up and how to advocate for them and how to do that and teach them to do these things for themselves. And so mothering cracked me so big, big. When I started this quote, unquote journey. And I was so afraid that I was going to fail because I was 18, I was single, that I did everything that I saw every woman do. And they kept saying, yep, suck it up, buttercup. You're supposed to be exhausted. You're supposed to be, like, resentful. This is it. This is life. Like, get over it. And so what I realized very early on is I tried to play the good mother role. And it almost physically killed me. And so now I've realized that in order to thrive and be the mother that not only my children need, I need to be the best version of myself, which is, I hate that statement, but I need to feel good. And that plucked me out of a culture. So when I see something, I ask myself, how would I feel if I bought into that belief or live my life like that? And if the answer's like, I'm not going to feel good, I would feel overwhelmed. I just. I don't look at it. I unsubscribe.
- [33:35]
Unknown
My mother pulled me aside earlier this year because I'm 44 now, and they say 44 and 60 are the two ages. This is according to Stanford, where you're aging in bursts. Age is not an equal progression. It's like there are these moments in your lives, these years that just, like, you know, they. It's exponential. And I felt it, and it was like emotional and physical and all the things. And. And my mother, who had me at 19, could probably relate a lot to your story. She pulled me aside and she was like, you probably know this, but I'm telling you, your health is the most important in your family. Like, everyone's health's important. But if you're taking care of everybody else at your health expense, you're not doing anyone any favors. Your happiness, your health, your growth, your everything is everyone's everything. So don't feel bad when you want to take a day off for yourself or a week off for yourself or take that trip with your girlfriends. And I think that while of course, intellectually, I know this, to hear that from your mom is especially comforting because I think we get the pressure from the matriarchy. We get these messages ingrained in us from birth. And so I think I. And I think she course corrected along the way as a woman and now is sharing that with me. We have to learn. We often learn the hard way. What I've learned so much. I've learned so much from you in this half an hour. And I've taken so many notes, but there's that expression, show me a person's budget and I'll show them their values. I feel like similarly, show me someone's Google calendar and I will show you their values. Is a fair statement. Thank you.
- [35:20]
Heather Chauvet
What a blessing to have a mother who is just like, I'm going to be radically honest with you. And it makes me emotional because if we only valued ourselves the way and that power to go, you're. You're the culture creator. You are the ecosystem, you are the keystone. If we actually believe that in our core, because we see it and witness it in other people, like, we're that powerful, that when we are thriving, we affect everyone that is connected to us. Like, it's that simple. It's just emotionally uncomfortable to sit with that belief that I'm that powerful. And it's just wild to me. And the power of a woman, just giving another woman permission is such a simple statement, and it's so beautiful. And I've had to learn along the way that I actually just need to talk less and show my value, like you were saying, with my word or with my behavior and my actions. And that's all I need to do for other women, and that's what I need to do for my children, is just lead with integrity.
- [36:35]
Unknown
Show up. Just be.
- [36:37]
Heather Chauvet
Yeah.
- [36:38]
Unknown
Heather Chauvin, thank you so much. And I can't wait to drop by your podcast as well. I'll see you on the other side.
- [36:45]
Heather Chauvet
I'm excited. Thanks, Vernouche.
- [36:49]
Unknown
Thanks again to Heather Chauvet for joining us. You can learn more about Heather and find links to her book and her podcast in our show Notes. I'll see you back here on Wednesday. And I hope your day is so money.
- [37:12]
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Farnoosh Tarabi
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