← So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
1800: Ask Farnoosh: Stocks Are Unstable. What Now? How to Navigate Your Money in This Moment.
00:43:07
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- [00:02]
Farnoosh Torabi
Race the rudders. Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution?
- [00:13]
Asia Evans
Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply.
- [00:30]
Farnoosh Torabi
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying.
- [00:43]
Asia Evans
No judgments.
- [00:44]
Farnoosh Torabi
But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com so money episode 1800 ask Farnoosh. You're listening to so Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Torabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business minds, authors, influencers, and from Farnoosh yourselves. Looking for ways to save on gas or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to so money. Welcome to Sew Money, everybody. I'm Farnoosh Tarabi. 1800 episodes. Look at us. Look at what we're doing. Anything's possible. You can start not knowing what you're doing, starting a podcast, and then 10 years later, 1800 podcasts, millions of downloads. Here we are. And really the trick is consistency. And this episode is an example of that. I've been doing these AskFarnouche episodes since day one. I was actually doing two a week back when I was a seven day per week show. Yeah, did you know that about this podcast? So Money started as a seven day per week podcast, then we migrated to five. And I think I like this. I like three. One doesn't feel like enough. Two feels like, what are we even doing? Three though. It's like we're here, we're talking, and we're making an impact. Speaking of impact, what a week in the stock market. It was a mess. Like, investors are finally catching up to the mood on Main Street. I guess the dumpster fires that are everywhere on every corner. And now investors. Investors are like, oh, maybe tariffs aren't a good thing. No, they're not. I'm not one to Stay very appealed to market activity. I like to just invest for the long run, stick with my diversified portfolio and just get on with my life. But this week, my goodness, it was so bad that Elon Musk lost billions of dollars on his Tesla valuation alone. So in this episode I'm going to later re air some of the advice or regarding the best money moves in uncertain times. I've been investing for 20 years and I've invested through far worst weeks, far worst years. Hello 2009. And I've learned that staying the course is the best way to build wealth. I've seen markets go down, crash, rebound and then soar to new highs. And every single time the investors who stayed patient, who didn't make knee jerk reactions because of their fears, came out ahead. So what am I doing with my money right now? It's the same stuff I always do. One, I keep things liquid to a point. I have cash, about nine months of reserves. I'm a solopreneur running this podcast and this media company. So I am more cautious and I do recommend that if you're running your own business, especially if you are the breadwinner and there is a wide income gap between what you make and your partner and a lot of your expenses come through your paycheck, I would be more cautious. I would lean more towards a 9 month reserve or even a 12 month reserve for everybody else. If you have a stable job, if you are living within your means, having a four to six month cushion, that's four to six months of your bare bones necessities multiply every month multiplied by four, five or six. And this depends on your situation too. If you're a little bit more anxious and having more in savings would help you sleep better at night, I'm not gonna take you to the police, okay? There are some financial experts out there that don't want you to saving any more than you have to. But they're not factoring in that like we're human beings and we do like to sleep. Where do I keep this cash? I keep it liquid. I don't put it in the markets, I don't put it in CDs. It's in the bank account. It's great for emergencies, it's for expenses that we weren't anticipating. But here we are. Because life happens. So that's the first thing, keeping cash to a point. That's what I'm doing with my money. Secondly, investing automatically, consistently. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I keep my money in diversified retirement portfolios, beginning with those that offer tax breaks or tax advantages. I have a SEP IRA which functions similar to a traditional ira. It's designed for entrepreneurs, business owners. The big benefit of the SEP ira, in addition to being an ability to reduce your taxable income with those contributions, is that the maximum contribution you can make annually is very high. I believe this year it was $69,000, which is hard to reach, but it's an option. And if you really want to catch with your retirement investments or you had a really big earning year and you want to make sure you're putting some of that money away safely, the set by right has that opportunity for us. And again, all that money is tax deductible in that tax reporting year. I do watch my spending. I do. I have to have conversations with myself constantly like, do you need another purse? No. How many times have we actually eaten out this week? Is this insane? Can we just do leftovers or make something quick in the kitchen? Yes, the kids can have chicken nuggets again tonight. We, we don't need to be ordering in sushi three times a week. And so I say this, you know, not to brag about my sushi habit, but because even when you are somebody who has a handle on her money, there's always room for improvement and there's always this consciousness that's required to check in with yourself, with your spending. This doesn't mean, you know, going on a spending freeze for me, I mean, I could never. But it means being mindful about where your money is going and cutting back where it makes sense. Knowing yourself too, knowing your habits, especially in these times of uncertainty, the thing you don't want to have happen is, you know, you get to a point where you're like, oh, I wish I had that extra few thousand dollars. And you realize, like, had you just made some habit changes or some different spending choices over the last six months, you could have had more options at this point with your money. I also am a proponent of investing in times of uncertainty, especially because what we want is control. We want to feel good to invest in things that will provide me with long term future st. And again, recognizing that right now things are challenging and uncertain, and it's not forever, but to the extent that I can put some money towards future projects or make investments today that will pay off down the road and allow me to be more in control later is worth it to me. So beyond the stock market, I'm also investing in things that provide returns in my work, my health, my family, my personal growth. These areas are where we really build holistic wealth in every sense of the word. In 2025 I may have said this already on the podcast. My word was. My word for the year was relax. Like I know this about me. Last year I was a wreck. I was not relaxed. My nervous system was off the rails. And so I have to be very conscious about putting stakes in the ground this year and saying okay. From when I wake up till, you know, mid morning, I'm not online scrambling to get work done. I'm not doing work calls, I'm not interviewing guests for this podcast. Of course not every day can be like this, but I try to the best of my ability to be consistent in doing a lot of self care in the morning, working out, taking it slow so that the rest of my day can be more productive. It does have a ripple effect. This is also a really good time to invest in your community. Those of you who are listening, who are in the so Money Members club, you know this well. But we do have a community where we meet on the reg. I do workshops live, live office hours. We have a chat board where we ask each other questions about how should I negotiate this new job or I have this HSA and I'm not really sure what to do with it. You get answers to your questions in real time and you can learn more about our community at somoneymembers. Com. But I also want to offer you a freebie which is my so Money Investing Blueprint. This is again totally free and it's where I explain how to build a portfolio by yourself that weathers market swings, especially during weeks like these and you just feel like curling up in a ball and never putting money in the stock market again. My free so Money Investing Blueprint is linked in our show notes. And just remember investing at the end of the day, networks like CNBC and Stock market pundits will make it sound like it's a day to day affair, that we have to be paying attention minute by minute. But investing is a long game and it rewards us when we are patient and when we are consistent. The headlines are going to come and go like by this time next month you'll have forgotten about the markets. This week what really matters is that you didn't let go of your plan, that you stuck with it. You didn't allow yourself to overreact to the news and what's going on in the markets. In case you missed any of our episodes this week, we had two phenomenal guests. First, on Monday I sat down with Sam Vanderweelen who is an entrepreneur. She's actually a lawyer turned online entrepreneur. She has built these DIY legal templates that have sold like hotcakes over the last several years. She's helped over 350,000 entrepreneurs with these DIY legal templates. And she came on the show to talk about her new book. It's called When I Start My Business I'll be Happy. You can sense a little bit about where that book goes, but it's really about how to start a profitable business that doesn't suck the life out of you without burning out, without falling into the trap of, of tying your self worth to your work. How to elegantly scale online without feeling like it's a rat race and that it's just a race to the bottom. Sam vanderweelen on Monday and then on Wednesday we sat down with Tamsen Fadal, who's an Emmy award winning journalist and men advocate. We talked about menopause, midlife and money. You know, menopause used to be a whispered word and it kind of still is. It's something that as women we're expected to endure quietly and gracefully. And you know, I'll take the gracefully part, but the quietly part, no, that's not what's going to happen. And Tamsen is really leading the charge on that front, giving women and the medical community frankly the permission to get loud about the symptoms, the remedies and the lifestyle changes that are recommended during this time in a woman's life. Of course we get into the money aspect of it all because to go through menopause gracefully, it does help to have the right team, insurance, lifestyle habits. And so we get into the affordability of all of that and quickly. Before we get into my money Moves manifesto during uncertain times, I wanna give a shout out to our reviewer of the week Scam. Stan wrote a review earlier this month giving the show five stars. Stan just started listen to the podcast and says I've gained so many insights in a short period of time. So thank you so much, Dan. It's always nice to know that people are still, after all of these years discovering the podcast for the first time. I would love to know how I can continue to help you. I'm offering you a free 15 minute phone call with me to get that. All you have to do is get in touch with me and there's a few ways. One is you can direct message me on Instagram, two, you can email me Farnoochowmoneypodcast.com or thirdly, you can go to the website so Money podcast and click on AskFarnoosh and get in touch. That way it all goes into my inbox and I will share a link with you where you can pick a time for us to chat about whatever you want. Money, work, life. I'm down for all of it. All right now I want to re air an interview that I had with Asia Evans, who is a financial therapist and the author of the new book Feel Good Finance. A little unconventional for our Friday Ask Farnoosh, but I asked her a lot of Farnoosh's questions about how to stay focused with so much tumult in our economy, in our political world, in our world world. Asia's new book, Feel Good Finance, offers practical strategies for untangling our money emotions and ultimately building a healthier relationship with our finances in good times and in bad. Take a listen. Asia Evans welcome back to Sew Money. Happy New Year. I am ready to feel good about my money.
- [13:38]
Asia Evans
Happy New Year. Thank you for having me. So excited to be here and to chat and dive in.
- [13:42]
Farnoosh Torabi
I can't start a new year without you, especially since you have some important work that you're sharing with the world right now. Your first of probably many books. It's called Feel Good. Untangle your relationship with money for better mental, emotional and financial well being. I am going through this with a highlighter and I can't wait to hear how you're going to help all of us this year. I thought it was interesting as I was thumbing through your book that still a lot of us think that money isn't emotional or money shouldn't be emotional. I want you to take the floor now and just dispel that for us. Anyone out there in the audience who's feeling this still, because I do think that it has been ingrained in us that like, money is just numbers. And it's numbers on a spreadsheet. It's black and white. What's the problem? Tell us the problem.
- [14:33]
Asia Evans
Yeah, I mean, the problem is, is that that's not true. And although it has been ingrained in us for a very, very, very long time, just doesn't work anymore, Right? It's. It, it ignores what is important to people. It ignores what they value. It ignores how they take care of themselves, how they take care of their family. And that stuff is emotional. So the money itself, no, there is no emotion in the money itself. Right? You're not emotionally attached to the dollar. You're emotionally attached to what the dollar can get you. And that's what's really important. But I think we have, you know, lost the plot a little bit when it comes to believing that money isn't tied to how we see ourselves. And at this point in the way our society runs in capitalism, money is important. We need it. We need to pay our bills, we need to pay our rent, our mortgages, and, you know, make sure our family's okay. So when we start talking about money is not emotional and that it doesn't come from these deep rooted places. No, the money itself, of course, does not come from those deep rooted places. But what money can or can't say about you, what you're worried about, your perception from other people is important. That is emotional. So, yeah, I'm gonna debunk that and just say, not true. Money is emotional. I can't think of anything emotional than making sure that me, my family, my loved ones are okay and that I get to spend time doing the things that are important to me.
- [16:04]
Farnoosh Torabi
So, yes, you're here. When I first started this podcast 10 years ago, I would often ask guests every single time, what is your relationship with money? And at the time, you know, 10 years ago, I thought this was like a groundbreaking question. And some, some guests were stuck. They're like, I don't understand what you mean. What are you talking about? Relationship. I have relationship with people, but we were not there yet. And so I, I think it's important to talk about this in money in this context, because I do think it's a rather newer way to look at money. You are a financial therapist. What is the state of the state when it comes to our relationship with money from your lens?
- [16:51]
Asia Evans
Yeah. So I think our relationship with money really is about looking at the foundation of your money beliefs and where did that come from? Which then grew into a money mindse mindset at one point in your life and then turns into how you behave with your finances. And financial therapy is really about understanding how do I think, feel and behave with my money in relationship to my money. Again, it's not about your relationship to the dollar, but it is about the relationship of when you see your bank account go under a certain number. Why are you worried? Why do you get uncomfortable? What comes up for you? That is the kind of thing that I'm talking about. That's what I people to take the time to dissect and understand for themselves. And when you had your cutting edge question of like, what's your relationship with money? That's what I'm talking about. It's why do you do the things that you do with your Money. And what comes up for you when you either can't do something or can do something or have to navigate it in some way so you realize you.
- [17:55]
Farnoosh Torabi
Have a broken relationship with money in some way. Maybe it's that you have a fear of it, maybe it's that it does make you anxious. Perhaps you have avoidance because for all the reasons you just stated.
- [18:08]
Asia Evans
Right.
- [18:08]
Farnoosh Torabi
History, there's a lot of context. The trauma that we grew up with, the experiences we had as both children and as adults, and I would say even more, the recent experiences we've had as adults with money tend to implement, impact our relationship with money. Because we know now from a whole body of work, scientific work, that recency bias. People who, for example, lost their homes in the foreclosure crisis of 2008, 2009, are likely to be timid and, and scared of, you know, investing in something as big as a home again because of what they experienced, the loss they experienced. That was recent. But let's say, okay, you've identified. I need work, I need to. I need to work on this relationship. How do you walk through your clients to getting on the other side to feel good about their finances?
- [19:00]
Asia Evans
What I like to start with is what probably tends to be the hardest for people is really going back to understanding how they grew up with, how was money talked about, what did they believe about money, all of that good, juicy stuff that people don't want to talk about. Yes, I'm going to make you talk about your parents. Yes, I'm going to make you talk about how you felt in second.
- [19:18]
Farnoosh Torabi
Your mother.
- [19:20]
Asia Evans
Yes, we're talking about all of it. And people hate to do that, but it is necessary. And it's not because, hey, I want to blame anybody, but I do want to understand what the foundation was for your beliefs, what the foundation was for your patterns. And I asked that to then walk me through where you're at in your life. So that could be. Yeah, this is how my mom talked about money. She didn't want to spend money. She was very frugal. She was uncomfortable about money. So I grew up with that foundation. But then when I got older, I now want to spend all of my money. I want to treat myself. I want all of the things, I want to go on the trips. But that has put me in a financial place of discomfort. And I've had to, you know, dig myself out of, of credit card debt. And now why do I keep doing that? So what I'm trying to do is figure out what the foundation was, but then Also be walked through what has gone on in your life so that we can pick out what the pattern is. And once you understand what the pattern is that you kind of your financial habits, what do you continuously do? What is the cycle that you find yourself in over and over again, Then we can kind of start building out different skills, coping strategies, building new habits for you to change what you've been doing. And this is the hardest part, right? Like people think it's, hey, Asia, I found the root of the problem. I'm healed, I'm great, I'm fine. I'm like, no, I love that for you. I'm so glad we got there. But the hard part really is you making a different decision after you've been doing the same thing for decades. And that's what I'm asking people to do. And literally holding their hand while they do it sometimes, because it's not easy to say, oh, well, my mom did this and now I do that. That is really emotional, right? Like saying that my mom may not have known that this was going to impact me in this way. That is emotional feeling like you're like, you don't want to say anything bad about your parents, but you know, they kind of messed you up a little bit around some of these things.
- [21:21]
Farnoosh Torabi
You know, let's talk about our parents. You talk about your parents in the book. I want to talk about my parents. And maybe those listening can see themselves through our experiences. My parents had very different views of money. My mother, especially as immigrants to this country. I think my mom quickly bought into the keeping up with the Joneses culture. And for her, your wealth status was very important to her. Sort of people recognizing you as being of a certain status. And how do you show that? Right? You show that with the brand name of your purse and the car you drive and who you're married to. Even, you know, very important for everyone to know that. My father was a doctor, not a physician, but a PhD. But that's, you know, details. And I think growing up it bothered me, you know, and I remember she would say to me things like, you deserve to have a nice bag. And I was like, why is there this entitlement with luxury? You know, that like, and I really, I, I have to say, like, I bought into it sometimes. And Even as a 45 year old woman today, turning 45 in February, I'm very conscious of that background that I grew up with. And I try to always remind myself, even if I do go for the luxury thing, like, is this, am I doing this for Me, do I actually value this or is it because I'm trying to represent something to people and, and I'm just honest with myself and I, I want to hear from you too, like how if there was an example like that or like something triggering from your childhood that as an adult woman who has, you know, a license in therapy and is a professional still, it shows up for you. Because I do think this is hard work.
- [23:14]
Asia Evans
Yeah, a hundred percent. And I talk about it in my book as well and it, there's not one time I can pinpoint, but I do remember it was around middle school and just trying to navigate what it felt like when you have like the cool clothes. The way I was so thirsty for Abercrombie clothing just like ruled my mindset. And I'm a black woman. Abercrombie wasn't necessarily marketing to me or for me purposefully, but I didn't understand that at the age that I was in. Right. It just felt so necessary to have those damn jeans. And my mom was like, Asia, no, I'm not spending $60 on this gene. And that just like it didn't crush my soul, but it was like a little wounding to the self esteem. I'll say. And of course my mom wasn't trying to do that, but it just wasn't a priority for her. And I totally understand. But it felt so important to me growing up. So now what I battle is making sure that I'm not trying to outf fit my kids in these clothes because of my own baggage. My kids are 5 and 3. They could care less if they are in whatever it is. Like what is the cool name brand for the kids? I don't even know it because I'm not following like that.
- [24:44]
Farnoosh Torabi
I literally had a thought the other day as I was cleaning out my 7 year old daughter's closet. Came out with like 6 bags of gently worn clothes, some still with tags on on it. One, because she's growing fast and my mistake, I bought clothes that were too close to her size. Whatever. I try to buy like two sizes bigger. So a lot of times she's in baggy clothes. But one day they'll be perfect and I will have saved money, I will get that roi. But a lot of it is, you know, she tells me she's really into something so then I buy it and I double down on it and then she's quickly over it. So like even at 7 years old she's like trying to ride trends. And I thought to myself, oh, if I had a calculator what would all of this amount to? Probably thousand dollars or more. And if I had put that in her college fund instead, you know, this is, this is me, of course, as the host of the so Money podcast. These are my thought bubbles during the day. But it's just, it's, it. Oh, it really gets to me. So anyway, let's talk about 2025. This episode is airing President President elect Donald Trump is now President Donald Trump second term. And you know there's a lot of uncertainty. He's proposing some economic policies that are worrisome and even outside of finance, he's proposing things that would have ripple effects in our financial lives. Whether you're looking at immigration or education. For those of us who are worried about making big money moves this year because of the uncertain landscape, what's your advice like?
- [26:16]
Asia Evans
First, take a breath. And I probably need to take a breath too because it is, is concerning, to say the least. For me. I don't want anybody to make any big money moves. When you are anxious, when you are in the height of your crisis, when you are feeling like, oh my God, doomsday, we gotta get out of here. And if you are somebody who's like, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I still don't want you to make any money moves at that point too. We should not be doing anything with our money when we are in a heightened emotional state. Like what happens when we're trying to do that is that we're, it's very short sighted and usually it does not help us in the long term. You were just trying to get out of your discomfort as soon as humanly possible and I understand that because you are in a crisis. So take the breath, don't make any moves. Now if you're like, hey, we are going to, you know, make this big financial step, whether that looks like we are going to go buy everything up that we might need for the year. Now we're gonna move, we're gonna sell our house, we're gonna leave the country for the summer. Those types of things take a lot of planning, right? So start the planning process, having those conversations before you just jump in, into action. And I want you to realize like what, how does this impact our lives? Right? Like what we may feel like is the right thing, what is actually happening to our lives, they may be different. So you need to take a pa. Okay, do I want to do something drastic? Is our emergency fund, our backup follow up plan fund, fully stocked, like make sure it is prepared for any big moves that you want to be making. But what the biggest thing I'll tell people is not to make these big financial steps when you are upset. So you know, beginning of February is not the time for you to be like, hey, we're moving to Spain. That may be what you want to do, and I love that. But let's take some time to plan it out and decide if that's really the right move for you and potentially your family. So take the breath first, make sure you plan it out and then decide what is actually realistic for our family, what is not realistic, and then go from there. But it is very hard because it is very anxiety producing and worrisome. So please pay attention, but don't do anything in a crisis just yet.
- [28:40]
Farnoosh Torabi
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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com so money for free shipping and 365 day returns. Go check out Quinn's. You will thank me later. Later. No. And if you are thinking of moving abroad, listen to my conversation with Stacey Ennis that aired a couple of weeks ago where we talked about, you know, I know I, we get it the pull to for some of us to, to leave the States and some have Google has never had so many searches for you know, how to get my visa in Portugal post election. But yeah, to your point, like let's not make big high stakes financial moves and life changes when we are at the peak of our anxiety. Let's bring it down a notch or 20. For couples who want to get a little bit more of an understanding of each other's money patterns, money histories, how can they work together? And at what point does a financial therapist make sense?
- [33:47]
Asia Evans
I would definitely say the fact that you're trying to have these conversations about money is going to be really important. The fact that you are recognizing, hey, we are coming from two different belief systems around money is great. But then when you realize that they are rubbing up against each other in a way that it feels difficult or potentially damaging to the relationship, that's when you definitely want to start looking at finding some mediation or talking to a financial therapist. But as I think the biggest thing for couples, one is to talk about it, but two is to give each other grace in knowing, hey, this person is not trying to hurt me. They're not purposefully trying to, you know, make me feel bad or knock me down a few pegs or do anything hurtful. And if they are, then we need to have a different kind of discussion. But we're going to say that you're entering into a beautiful, healthy, loving relationship and, and understand that, hey, something might be being triggered inside of them. They may feel worried, they may feel anxious. They might be worrying about their security or their stability. What about am I saying from my own experience is rubbing up against what they experience. So you're coming together in a way that is gracious to the other person and what they might be feeling about the money and then being able to say, oh, okay, it sounds like you're really upset about that, and I'm not quite sure what it is, but let's talk about where that's coming from. And that gives the other partner an opportunity to just pause and be like, what am I really upset about? Because it's not about this money. I'm upset about something that happened a long time ago and, and allow that space for both of you to be vulnerable. Because sometimes you need to. So when communication starts to break down, when you cannot have a conversation without arguing, somebody's leaving the conversation crying, people are avoiding the conversation. Those are all times to then kind of potentially bring in a financial therapist. I've talked to couples before about prenups and how they navigate it, remembering that this prenup is something they are going into together and that it is not, you know, yours and mine and ours, but that this is about love and it's about making sure that both of you would feel comfortable and safe should anything happen to your marriage.
- [36:08]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. It is so important to have that context because otherwise, without it, it just becomes you versus me and you. You're right. You get, you feel like the person's doing, doing it on purpose or is, you know, it's coming out of nowhere. No, it's always coming from somewhere and it's worth your time to get to the root of it. Before we leave, I want to get some advice from you on how we can temper the social pressures that do influence our money mood. So whether it's social media or certain friends that trigger us because of the way that they sort of relate to money, whether it's like that really wealthy friend who doesn't understand that not everybody can go to Cabo for spring break, you know, the way that they would do it and, and anything else. I'm sure you've explored this a lot with your clients. These are like day to day trip ups that can maybe be avoided with certain boundaries.
- [37:06]
Asia Evans
I mean, day to day trip ups for my clients and sometimes for me too. Like, I still have to live with this stuff and, and navigate it. So I'm always going to be a proponent for communication. Vacation. Right? So yes, if you have the friend who always wants to vacation in a certain way, you can just let them know, hey, I would love to go with you. However, my budget is not going to allow us to be Doing that, like I want to go and I can't do that. So maybe you stay there and I stay here or we do it a different way or I can't go and that's okay too. So just being really honest about what your constraints are around your budget and remembering that it is not some moral failing about you or your success that you may not be able to afford it, nor is it some kind of moral failing if you can afford it and you do want really nice things. Because I think a lot of times we just talk about it as with people who don't have as much compared to wealthy, like wealthy people are still dealing with the, the ramifications of wealth too. So I will give them some grace in that as well. It's important.
- [38:08]
Farnoosh Torabi
Can I, can I just tell you a really embarrassing story that I had over the weekend? Well, embarrassing for me. I was at a table with friends. Friends. They're constantly traveling, family travel, a lot of fun travel. And I was caveching over flight prices for spring break. I was just bitching. I was like, oh my God, I'm not paying. Like I'm not paying this. It's so stupid. And I realized I was imposing on them my own opinions about what it's quote unquote worth right to fly and experience travel. And I put a price on. I was like, you know, United wants like $8,000 for me to go to like some Caribbean island. That's a three hour flight. Thank you. And, and the husband's like, oh yeah, that's crazy. And the wife's like, I get that. And then in my mind I'm thinking they totally do that. That's not a non negotiable for them. Like they, they have and will pay that and pay more because they value it and they can afford it and whatever. Like let's, let's move on. I felt like I felt like I put my, my foot in my mouth a little bit or I'd gone a little too far with expressing my opinion about what was worth it. But I think, you know, we're still friends. So the meal continued and the drinks kept coming and that it was fine.
- [39:16]
Asia Evans
But, but that's a perf of like what comes up. And I think you really, you nailed it when you said like it's a priority to them. You will pay whatever you want to pay if it's a priority to you and that's okay. But it just may not be a priority to you and your family in the same way that it is for them and theirs and that's fine. It's just about, oh, I'm realizing that our priorities are different. We can still be friends, we can still have a great time, but our priorities are different. So having those kinds of conversations, even though sometimes you may feel like you're putting your foot in your mouth at the same time. Yeah, really.
- [39:53]
Farnoosh Torabi
I don't know my boundaries when I talk about money with people. Sometimes that's my, that's my issue. You, you know, because I just go all. I go everywhere on this podcast and then I get in real life and I'm like, oh, we're not on the podcast.
- [40:05]
Asia Evans
And not everybody's as comfortable. But I'm like, what do you make? Are you negotiating? Tell me more.
- [40:10]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, the whole world is the. So many podcast. Everyone's a guest on my show. I actually walk around with a microphone.
- [40:17]
Asia Evans
You should.
- [40:18]
Farnoosh Torabi
Not for this podcast, but for another one I'm launching. Because I don't have. It's not enough to just do one.
- [40:23]
Asia Evans
Oh, of course not. I'm here for it. And I think what happens is that when we are in this industry and talk about money so much in so many different ways, it's very easy for us to feel comfortable having these kinds of conversations and dealing with what other people may feel like is conflict. But we're just like, oh, you just think about it differently. That's okay. Tell me more. I actually want to know, so. And not everybody's as comfortable as we would be having these kinds of conversations.
- [40:50]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, let's, let's harp on social media. How has social media been a facilitator of some of the positive development like we talked about, you know, just tell your friends like you're on a budget. That's loud budgeting, which thanks to TikTok has become accepted. Telling people how you are not going to do X, Y and Z because you have financial priorities that you need to address. And there's, it's like a double edged sword. And it's also this place where we can go down rabbit holes and start to feel less worthy and fomo, financial fomo. Why am I not, you know, on the beaches right now with my family? What does that say about, you know, my status or, you know, my success? So tell us about how to kind of navigate social media in a balance, more balanced way. Yeah.
- [41:40]
Asia Evans
So I would say if you feel like social media is hurting you, there are a few ways you can hand it right. So you can take a social media break. Right? Just take a break. Even if it's a week, two weeks, A month, whatever you need to do, just pull away. Or it may be that you stop following people who make you feel really bad about yourself. And the third thing I would say that has been really helpful for me is that one day I was on a vacation and I decided to film my vacation, time it to music, make sure there was good lighting and put it up as if was all the people that I compare myself to. And that was so helpful for me to be like, oh, look at this beautiful life. You're right. Like, if I was spending the time to highlight real my life with my family, time it perfectly to the perfect insert trending sound here. I'm like, it looks exactly the same. It looks great. And I think a lot of our lives would look like that if we're perfectly timing it to music to elicit that emotion. So. So just do that experiment of okay, let's take one of my best days, right? I look great, we're at a great dinner, film it, do the things, time it to music and put that up and be like, oh, this doesn't look so bad. But not everybody's life looks like. We've got makeup on. The kids are perfectly cropped with their bows and their perfectly clean shirts. Like, no, my kids are running around, they're trying to eat the dirt, play in the dirt, throw the dirt. And then there's this moment where like on the beach eating a lobster rol. It does not always look like that on vacation or in real life and just reminding yourself, and I love that, you know, there's been a lot of trending of like under consumption or hey, you see this perfectly aesthetic view. If you pan to the left again, you see the mess. Like it's still there for everybody. It doesn't matter. It's not real.
- [43:40]
Farnoosh Torabi
You touched on mess. And as it relates to our financial lives, how important is it to be organized, to have structure so that you can approach your finances in a calmer way? A lot of times people will ask me, you know, I have multiple accounts and is it better to streamline or I'm looking for a good way to really look at my numbers because it's when it's so scattered and I don't know, it adds to my anxiety. And so like, I feel like this is a really low hanging fruit thing that we can all try to do. We can make this effort to just try to be more focused and organized. What are some steps for that?
- [44:16]
Asia Evans
Yeah. So one know that whatever system you're putting in place has to work for you. It does not matter who else it works for, if it does not work for you, you need to stop using it. And then I would say, does it make sense? So for some people, having several accounts for their sinking funds sounds great. For some people, really tracking their weekly spending for their budget and matching it up works for them. They want an app, they want an Excel sheet, they want to write it down. Whatever is going to work for you that you will use, I cannot stress this enough. You will use it is what's the best thing for you. And I'm not here to say, like, what that is for everybody. I know I like to write it down. And I have an app that I use and I've been really enjoying, and that works for me because I hate putting in every single spending, tracking spending account into an Excel document on a weekly basis. It drives me mad. It's just too much data input that I'm not interested in. So if you know that you're somebody like that, you need to make sure you have a system that may talk to, to your accounts to put that in. And the second thing I'll say is that I think a lot of people assume that when you say budget, it means it's restrictive or that you have to look at every single expense. When I think about budget, what I'm really thinking about is, do you know what's coming in and do you know what's going out? You do not need to be obsessively tracking it. If you want to do that, it works for you. I love that for you, Keep doing it. But if that isn't something that tickles your fancy, don't do it. But you do need to understand how much money you have going out and how much money you have coming in. And as long as you do understand that, use whatever system you want, I truly don't care. I just want you to look at your money. And I think the problem is that a lot of people don't.
- [46:06]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. And just to build on that for couples, I think I used to be very strict about, well, you need your account and their account and a joint account. You need to. And I was. And now I'm just like, first of all, are you communicating around money? Is there some sort of transparency? Because we were going, right. People just want to know, like, what's the system? Well, first you have to be good and solid on all the work you just mentioned, you know, understanding your money patterns and your histories, having a way to discuss money fluently and easily without there being, like too much friction. And the only way you get there is to have these conversations and then whatever system you choose choose is whatever works for you. I, I of course still want everyone to have independent accounts. I think that's always helpful to have your own slush fund. But in terms of how you manage that or what goes into that, I think is for couples to decide. And it only will work that way if you've done the baseline work of having these money conversations to, to feel good about your finances. Yes.
- [47:12]
Asia Evans
And continue to have them too. Right. Like, don't just have one and be like, okay, we're set forever. Absolutely not. Please have them. I would say on a monthly basis, but if that's too much for you, I don't even want to say quarterly because that just feels too little. But monthly, I'm saying it every 30 to 45 days.
- [47:29]
Farnoosh Torabi
In the beginning. I think it's good to have some structure to it, like we're going to do it every other month or whatever. And then next, the following year it's a little bit more fluid. Asia Evans, thank you so much. Financial therapist, author of the new book Feel Good Finance. Happy New Year to you. Thanks for helping us start the year off strong.
- [47:47]
Asia Evans
Ah, thank you so much for having me.
- [47:52]
Farnoosh Torabi
Thanks to Asia Evans for joining us. Her book again is called Feel Good Finance. If you like what you're hearing, leave me a review. It would mean the world to me. This is our 10th year and hearing from you, learning about what you love about this show never gets old. You can do that in the Apple review section. You can do that on Spotify. Every Friday I pick a review viewer of the week to get a free 15 minute phone call with me as well as free entry for a month in our Sew Money members club. I hope your day is so money. Race the rudders. Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain and unidentified identified ship is approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution?
- [48:49]
Asia Evans
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- [49:10]
Farnoosh Torabi
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Asia Evans
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Farnoosh Torabi
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Asia Evans
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Farnoosh Torabi
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