Podcast Summary: So Money with Farnoosh Torabi Episode Title: 1808: How to Manage Up and Take Your Power Back at Work
Release Date: April 2, 2025
Host: Farnoosh Torabi
Guest: Melody Wilding, Author and Executive Coach
Book Discussed: Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge

Introduction to Managing Up

[02:08] Farnoosh Torabi
In this episode, Farnoosh Torabi welcomes Melody Wilding back to So Money to delve into the intricacies of managing up in the workplace. Melody introduces her book, Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge, focusing on strategies to navigate challenging relationships with managers, advocate for raises, and maintain sanity when leadership is lacking. The conversation sets the stage for understanding the importance of internal boundaries, power dynamics, and owning one's value within an organization.

Key Quote:
Melody Wilding emphasizes, “Managing up is really about how you navigate your relationships with the people that have more positional power than you” [05:41].

Defining Managing Up

[04:51] Melody Wilding
Melody outlines that managing up isn’t about manipulating managers or being sycophantic. Instead, it’s a self-focused strategy to create conditions conducive to personal success, confidence, and control in the workplace. She highlights that as careers advance, relational skills often surpass technical abilities in importance.

Key Quote:
“We hear again and again from clients who would say I need to manage up better, but no one tells them how,” Melody explains [06:15].

Practical Applications of Managing Up

[09:56] Farnoosh Torabi
The discussion moves to real-life scenarios, such as interpreting a manager’s curt email. Melody introduces the concept of understanding different communication styles to prevent over-personalizing a manager’s behavior.

Example Scenario:
A manager sends a brief or seemingly angry email (e.g., using all caps), and the employee internalizes it as a personal affront. Melody advises contextualizing the behavior by recognizing it as the manager’s communication style rather than a reflection of the employee’s performance.

Key Quote:
“Most of the time, what we perceive as difficult behavior is actually just a difference in how we are approaching a situation,” Melody states [11:40].

Handling Critical and Narcissistic Managers

[13:31] Melody Wilding
Melody offers strategies for dealing with highly critical or narcissistic managers. She discusses the importance of setting internal and external boundaries to prevent absorbing negative emotions from toxic leadership.

Techniques Introduced:

1. Facilitating Conversations: Asking managers what is going well to focus on positive aspects and efficiency.
2. Gray Rock Technique: Minimizing personal engagement with toxic leaders to avoid feeding into their negativity.

Key Quote:
“Imagine a barrier between you and that person, like a pane of glass, to prevent taking on their stuff,” Melody advises [16:31].

Managing Up in a Virtual and Hybrid Workplace

[19:09] Farnoosh Torabi
Farnoosh inquires about the challenges of managing up in today’s increasingly virtual and hybrid work environments. Melody discusses the diminished organic visibility of employees in remote settings and emphasizes the need for proactive communication to highlight achievements and maintain visibility.

Strategies for Virtual Environments:

• Proactive Reporting: Structured updates and project briefs to showcase accomplishments.
• Digital Communication: Effectively using digital platforms to communicate milestones and successes.

Key Quote:
“Your work is not going to speak for itself, so you have to be proactive in highlighting your achievements,” Melody explains [20:00].

Money Conversations and Negotiations

[22:02] Farnoosh Torabi
The conversation shifts to the intersection of managing up and financial negotiations. Melody underscores that money is a reflection of an employee’s value in the workplace and discusses the complexities of negotiating compensation within power dynamics.

Key Considerations in Money Negotiations:

• Understanding Organizational Context: Awareness of hiring freezes, budget constraints, and organizational priorities.
• Stakeholder Involvement: Identifying who else is involved in the promotion or raise process beyond the immediate manager.

Key Quote:
“Money is how we tend to value ourselves in the workplace. It’s a reflection of the value that we’re bringing,” Melody emphasizes [22:35].

Empowering Employees with Leverage

[30:34] Farnoosh Torabi
Farnoosh shares a listener’s story about dealing with a toxic boss in a remote healthcare setting. She discusses advising the listener to leverage their unique value and relationships within the organization to manage up effectively.

Key Strategies Highlighted:

• Leveraging Unique Contributions: Recognizing one’s indispensable role and the manager’s reliance on their expertise.
• Building Social Capital: Utilizing relationships and specialized knowledge to increase one’s influence and bargaining power.

Key Quote:
Melody notes, “You may have more leverage than you think because of your unique contributions and relationships,” [30:57].

Current Landscape of Leadership

[25:25] Farnoosh Torabi
Farnoosh and Melody discuss the current state of leadership, especially in the post-COVID era and the integration of AI in the workplace. Melody observes that leaders today are often burned out and under immense pressure, which can negatively impact their effectiveness and the organizational culture.

Insights on Leadership:

• Need for Clear Communication: Leaders should explicitly communicate their working preferences and expectations.
• Treating Employees as Partners: Encouraging a culture where employees are seen as collaborators rather than mere subordinates.

Key Quote:
Melody states, “Leaders should be much more clear and much more specific about how they work and operate,” [26:21].

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

[31:53] Farnoosh Torabi
Farnoosh wraps up the episode by thanking Melody Wilding for her insightful contributions. She reiterates the importance of managing up to navigate workplace dynamics effectively and encourages listeners to implement the strategies discussed to reclaim their power and achieve professional success.

Key Quote:
Melody concludes, “When you’re a forward thinker, the only thing you’re afraid of is business as usual,” emphasizing the importance of proactive personal development [32:38].

Additional Resources

• Book Mentioned: Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge by Melody Wilding
• Melody Wilding: Executive Coach and Author
• So Money Members Club: Join at SoMoneyMembers.com for exclusive content and more.

This episode provides actionable insights for professionals seeking to enhance their workplace relationships, advocate for themselves effectively, and maintain control over their career trajectories. By focusing on self-empowerment and strategic communication, listeners can navigate complex managerial dynamics and achieve their professional goals.