So Money with Farnoosh Torabi - Episode 1841: Rethinking Money for the ADHD Brain

Release Date: June 18, 2025

In Episode 1841 of "So Money with Farnoosh Torabi," host Farnoosh Torabi delves into the intricate relationship between ADHD and personal finance management. This episode features Nicole Stanley, the founder of Arise Financial Coaching, who shares her personal journey with ADHD and how it has shaped her approach to money management and financial coaching.

1. Introduction to ADHD and Financial Management

Farnoosh begins the conversation by highlighting the scarcity of financial advice tailored to individuals with ADHD. She introduces Nicole Stanley, a money coach diagnosed with ADHD later in life, whose experiences provide valuable insights into managing finances effectively despite neurodivergent challenges.

Farnoosh Torabi:
"Welcome to So Money, everyone. I'm Farnoosh Torabi. Over the last several years, our family has become well acquainted with ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... This conversation is deeply personal and very practical."
[04:34]

2. Nicole's Personal Journey with ADHD

Nicole recounts her late diagnosis of ADHD, detailing how her childhood and adult experiences were marred by misunderstandings about her behavior and capabilities. Initially misattributing her struggles to personal shortcomings, the realization of her ADHD diagnosis marked a pivotal moment in her life.

Nicole Stanley:
"I grew up believing I was just a little bit of a space cadet, a little disorganized, very disorganized, very forgetful... It was okay for me to get C's in college. That was fine."
[06:13]

She describes how motherhood intensified her ADHD symptoms, leading her to seek a professional evaluation. The diagnosis not only provided clarity but also redefined her self-perception and approach to financial management.

Nicole Stanley:
"When the psychiatrist told me I was number 99 out of 100 women with ADHD in terms of severity, it was an overwhelming moment... I started laughing, and then I started crying."
[10:40]

3. The Impact of ADHD on Financial Behaviors

Nicole elaborates on how ADHD influences her financial behaviors, particularly in budgeting, spending, and investing. Traditional financial advice often feels incompatible with her neurodivergent brain, prompting her to develop alternative strategies that align with her strengths and challenges.

Nicole Stanley:
"It's not that you don't have focus, it's that you sometimes struggle to regulate the amount of focus that you give certain things... I can choose to retire at 45. I'm gonna make this my entire life's purpose for the next 10 years."
[13:13]

She introduces the concept of "momentum money," a system designed to make financial planning engaging and rewarding, thereby enhancing adherence for individuals with ADHD.

Nicole Stanley:
"Momentum money is a lot sexier than saved money. Momentum means I get to do more, I get to go on more vacations, I get to pay off more debt, I get to invest more."
[17:34]

4. Strategies for Effective Financial Management with ADHD

Nicole shares a suite of practical strategies tailored for those with ADHD, focusing on automation and emotional connection to financial goals.

a. Emotional Connection to Goals

Emphasizing the importance of connecting emotionally with financial goals, Nicole advises setting enticing end goals to drive motivation rather than focusing solely on the process.

Nicole Stanley:
"The first step is connecting with your goals emotionally and then making sure that the process in which you get them, the process, all the steps that you have to take, have some built-in dopamine or rewards along the way."
[16:49]

b. Automation of Finances

Automation serves as a cornerstone in Nicole's approach, minimizing the cognitive load required to manage finances and reducing the likelihood of impulsive decisions.

Nicole Stanley:
"If you have ADHD, follow through is a weakness of yours. Stop thinking that you will remember; you will not."
[27:31]

She outlines a method where income is automatically distributed into separate accounts for bills and spending, thus reducing the need for constant financial oversight.

c. Overestimating Expenses

By overestimating monthly expenses, individuals can ensure that they are saving more, which fosters a positive reinforcement loop and reduces stress associated with unexpected financial shortfalls.

Nicole Stanley:
"Overestimating every single bill ensures that every month when you look back at your bills, you find extra money... It's just a different dopamine experience versus, oh crap, I underestimated again."
[18:34]

5. Resilience and Adaptability through ADHD

Nicole discusses how ADHD has cultivated resilience and adaptability in her financial practices. Her ability to iteratively develop and refine financial strategies that suit her unique cognitive style exemplifies the strength that can arise from neurodivergence.

Nicole Stanley:
"I'll just come up with something different and okay, that doesn't work great. I'm gonna do it again. I'm gonna try it a different way."
[14:00]

This persistence not only benefited her personal finances but also inspired her to assist others facing similar challenges.

6. Advice for Financial Professionals

Shifting focus to the broader financial industry, Nicole provides valuable advice for financial professionals aiming to cater to clients with ADHD or similar attention challenges.

Nicole Stanley:
"Are you telling them what to do or are you helping them discover what they want to do and then giving them the tools to do it?"
[31:00]

She emphasizes the importance of fostering an environment where clients feel empowered to take actionable steps towards their financial goals, rather than merely receiving directives.

7. Navigating Relationships with ADHD

The episode delves into the dynamics of relationships where one partner has ADHD. Nicole shares personal experiences of balancing her ADHD traits with her husband's neurotypical behaviors, underscoring the importance of mutual understanding and shared responsibilities.

Nicole Stanley:
"There has to be understanding and then there also has to be responsibility, like taking responsibility for your role."
[34:00]

She highlights practical adjustments they've made, such as bulk-buying necessities and maintaining flexibility in household responsibilities, to accommodate her ADHD and reduce friction.

8. Embracing the Strengths of ADHD and Future Perspectives

Nicole concludes by highlighting the evolutionary strengths associated with ADHD, such as hyperfocus and creativity, which are advantageous in entrepreneurial endeavors. She advocates for a societal shift towards recognizing and harnessing these strengths rather than stigmatizing neurodivergence.

Nicole Stanley:
"If I can give someone with ADHD that type of mentality with money, I have no doubts that they can be successful."
[22:36]

She expresses hope for a future where ADHD is better understood and integrated into mainstream financial and personal development narratives.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Nicole Stanley:
  "Momentum money is a lot sexier than saved money. Momentum means I get to do more, I get to go on more vacations, I get to pay off more debt, I get to invest more."
  [17:34]

• Farnoosh Torabi:
  "I thought it was a quirk."
  [12:36]

• Nicole Stanley:
  "If you have ADHD, follow through is a weakness of yours. Stop thinking that you will remember; you will not."
  [27:31]

• Nicole Stanley:
  "Your neurodivergence became no longer manageable for me... How did I do? How did I do?"
  [10:40]

• Farnoosh Torabi:
  "It's like, I have an adventurousness and an entrepreneurship that is inherent to a lot of people with ADHD."
  [19:41]

Conclusion

This episode of "So Money" serves as a beacon for individuals with ADHD seeking to regain control over their financial lives. Through Nicole Stanley's candid sharing and practical strategies, listeners gain a nuanced understanding of how ADHD intersects with money management. The conversation not only demystifies the challenges posed by ADHD but also celebrates the unique strengths it brings to the table, offering hope and actionable insights for building a financially secure and fulfilling life.

For more resources and to connect with Nicole Stanley, visit Arise Financial Coaching as mentioned in the show's notes.