← So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
1843: New Rules for Stay-at-Home Parents with Jannese Torres (Encore)
00:30:24
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- [00:01]
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- [00:26]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [02:52]
Janice Torres
I literally get to walk out of the office and go and visit her in the nursery. You know, it's just like, it's so nice to not feel like I am missing out on all these incredible milestones because of the burden that is care giving and having to outsource that outside of the home. So it really just has allowed me to resume my activities way faster than I thought, feel very supported, and still feel like I'm a part of everything that's happening when it comes to watching her grow up.
- [03:19]
Farnoosh Torabi
Welcome to Sew Money, everybody. I'm Farnish Tarabi. We are catching up with the incredible Janice Torres today. She is one of the biggest names in personal finance, the author of Finance Financially lit, and the host of the wildly successful podcast Yo Quiero de Niro. And trust me, Janiece has had a year since her last visit. She launched her book Financially lit, traveled the country on a book tour while secretly pregnant, became a mom, got engaged, and even bought a house. And that's just the beginning. In this conversation, we're gonna learn how financial independence has reshaped her life as a new parent. We're gonna talk about her approach to building wealth while growing her family. And something we don't talk about nearly enough. How she and her fiance have str their finances now that he's the stay at home parent on her payroll. From prenups to parenthood, from self employment hacks to the real cost of giving birth. I mean, wait until you hear her hospital bill. Janiece gets real about the financial and emotional shifts that come with these big life changes. If you've ever wondered how to balance your career, family and financial security on your terms, you're going to love this episode. Let's get into it. Janiece Torres. Oh, my gosh. Welcome back to so Money. We have so much to catch up on, my friend.
- [04:36]
Janice Torres
We do. Thank you for having me back.
- [04:39]
Farnoosh Torabi
The last time you were on our podcast, you had launched your book. And since then, a few things have happened. A few things of note. You became a mom, you got engaged, you have some updates around things like prenups and stay at home parenting. You bought a house, you Bought a house.
- [05:00]
Janice Torres
I bought a house.
- [05:01]
Farnoosh Torabi
Okay. That was your bingo card. My gosh, for 2024 was a busy year. Let's start with the last time you were on the show was about the book launch and talk about the book and how it has been received and something surprising about the launch that you weren't expecting. I feel like now on the other side of it, you have a little bit more perspective.
- [05:23]
Janice Torres
Absolutely. First of all, I went on my book tour while secretly pregnant. So everybody found out after the fact that I was like carrying a child. While I'm like out here in the world hopping on planes and with 15 different cities not recommended, especially in your first trimester. It's the most exhausting thing I've ever had to do. But we survived and honestly furnished the most incredible part of this entire experience of launching the book and just seeing it out into the world. Besides getting all the incredible messages from people that are like, oh my God, I feel so seen by what you're talking about was like meeting the real life people who actually are part of this community and like putting faces to names. I've been following you since 2019 and I've been listening to your podcast and just feeling that real world impact of what you create as a. As an author. It's just next level when you get to meet folks who are like, directly impacted by the work that you do. So that was the most fun by far.
- [06:19]
Farnoosh Torabi
Financially lit is the book. We're gonna obviously link that in our show notes. I had a baby months after my one of my books, when she makes more. And the clarity that I got that I wasn't expecting. After becoming a mom for the first time, my business took off. And I think it was because I really started to get more opinionated about the things that I wanted to do and how I was going to spend my time. And that can sound scary. Oh my gosh. You're going to put stakes in the ground. What if opportunities go away? It's okay. It means you're inviting the right kinds of opportunities.
- [06:58]
Janice Torres
How has that been?
- [06:59]
Farnoosh Torabi
How has, like, becoming a parent maybe given you? I know, like, you're not getting any sleep, but when you are awake, like, what is the clarity that you have now that maybe you didn't have a year ago?
- [07:09]
Janice Torres
Yeah, I think for me it's been this idea that, like, now I get to experience fully the why behind the financial independence journey that I went on. You know, I don't. I didn't go on a financial independence journey with the intention to become a parent. But now as someone who can, who has the privilege now to work from home, to structure my life in a way that I feel like in complete control versus having to figure out how am I going to squeeze motherhood into a high powered career and, and a commute and all these things that most parents have to deal with. It feels very privileged. And I think it has reignited the mission for me in more ways than one. Now I really want to empower, especially moms, to understand that, like, financial independence is not out of your reach. Because for the longest time, I correlated motherhood with struggle and financial insecurity. And I saw a lot of that growing up with my mom and other family members. And for me, I feel like I'm rewriting the narrative and just showing people what is possible, both as a business owner and now as a mom as a first generation kid. I just want people to be open to the idea that we can create our lives and be what way more in control. And money definitely helps.
- [08:24]
Farnoosh Torabi
All right, I want to get into the specifics with you, but I wrote down as you were speaking, financial independence affords you privilege. I just, it's so true. And sometimes you don't even know the execution of that privilege until you arrive at a stage like you're at in your life. I definitely feel that way even now as my kids are getting older. The work and the foundation that I created intentionally, not specifically for this moment, but I just know in my head, like, I know, like I'm not gonna regret saving, I'm not gonna regret paying down my bills and all the things, because there will be a time when it will really manifest for me in an important way. Yeah, you've bought a home, you're getting married. The reason, actually the reason this episode is happening, although it's always a good time to catch up with you, the impetus for this was I had posted online something to the nature of when you're think staying home as a parent, leaving your career to stay home and be a full time caregiver, to think about the economic value that is bringing into the household and not just think about it like implement an economic construct around this job that you are now leading in your family, that what are your benefits, what is your salary, what are your hours? We don't think about it in these ways because we don't value domestic labor. But it was just, I think it was Georgia Lee Hussey, our financial friend on the show, gave us that mindset. I shared it and you immediately wrote to me and said, this is exactly what we're doing. But here's the twist. It's going to be my future husband who is a stay at home parent. And he's on your payroll.
- [10:07]
Janice Torres
Yeah, absolutely. He works in the business.
- [10:11]
Farnoosh Torabi
Tell me about the arrangement and I want to learn from what you're doing and share it with others and have it be an inspiration.
- [10:17]
Janice Torres
Yeah, absolutely. I think one of the things that I didn't expect to confront when I was talking to him about this was my fear of judgment from especially like family members because there's still this like very weird dynamic where it's completely freaking normal for a man to have his wife stay at home. But God forbid it's a woman who's the breadwinner and she like makes way more money than y' all need as a family. And your partner working is pretty much a waste of time because they're not earning enough to justify them being out of the house for so many hours. We started having real conversations when we were talking about having a child. And one of the things that I knew even before we met was like, if I ever have a kid, I want to have a partner who is able to support my business goals and just the overall goals of the family because I'm not going to give up my career. That was never even going to be a topic of conversation. And so when we started talking about it, looking at the numbers, I realized like, you're just working to pay for daycare. Like your salary would literally be just completely eaten up by daycare. And then we're outsourcing the care of our child to someone else. Versus what if we just take a look at you coming home? And maybe it's a full time thing forever, maybe it's not. But I knew in the beginning of our journey it just made more financial sense and it made more sense for us from like a values perspective. We didn't want to outsource the raising of our brand new child. And I just want to pause here.
- [11:53]
Farnoosh Torabi
For a second because the values piece is really important because often we do talk about. If you simply just look at about do the math. Right. Because this is what happens to women. Oh, you're a teacher. Oh, you're whatever job. And you're making $40,000 a year. Childcare is $39,000 a year. So based on that math alone, clearly you should leave your job. But you haven't considered, does this person even want to continue in their career? Maybe they do. Maybe they have aspirations to become a superintendent, maybe. Or it's just an they Love working. And that should be allowed and that should be honored. There is also the question of but what do you actually want and what do we value? And I'm glad that you had that conversation. It's okay to still come back to the conclusion that one of us will stay home, but you need to have both the financial and the values conversation.
- [12:43]
Janice Torres
Yeah. And absolutely. And my partner has never been like a person that defines their worth as a career or amount of money. And so it was a very easy conversation to have because we just understood like what each other's roles are in this relationship and like where do we excel. And my partner is an incredible caretaker. He's dad of the freaking year. And so it has just affirmed to me watching him in this new role that this was the right decision and it really has given us the best experience coming into parenthood. So when I was thinking about like, how do we want to structure this? Automatically my head went to, I have a business and maybe there's an opportunity here for you to come into the business and add a role that I've been needing support with which is like video editing and content creation assistance. My soon to be husband has a extensive history in YouTube content creation and that was an area of my business where I needed support. And I had been thinking about hiring somebody for a while. So I said, you know how to do this? Like, why don't you just do this for my business? So I literally brought him on as like a digital marketing specialist. That's his role in the company. He gets paid as a contractor. I basically replaced his salary. We got him healthcare through the healthcare marketplace. He has a Roth ira. He has investment accounts that are being funded now with the money coming from the business. And it works. It absolutely works. And I think it's something that more people should consider, especially if you're self employed and you have the extra income to bring in your partner into the business and that's how you handle this stay at home parent situation. Not only is it a great opportunity for you to take some tax deductions because now I get to take the money I'm paying him and take it off my taxes, which is great. But also having the privilege of having him here at home while also helping to support and grow the business, it's like a win for everybody.
- [14:32]
Farnoosh Torabi
It sounds like it. For those who don't have their own company and they work for someone else, there's still an arrangement that can be made. They have things like spousal IRAs. Right. I think it's Important that we don't forget about the other working partners finances, even though they're not working out of the home or working for someone or have their own business. Like caregiving is hard work.
- [14:59]
Janice Torres
Absolutely. It's so hard and we. And it's important.
- [15:03]
Farnoosh Torabi
It's. It's so foundational. Tell me a little bit about how not outsourcing and having your partner be the sort of full time daytime caregiver, how has that supported your business?
- [15:17]
Janice Torres
I was able to go back to work like way sooner than I thought I was going to. I'm not really one to be able to sit down for too long either. So it's not like I was planning an extensive maternity leave, but there's just this like peace that I have about who is taking care of my child. I literally get to walk out of the office and go and visit her in the nursery. You know, it's just like, it's so nice to not feel like I am missing out on all these incredible milestones because of the burden that is care giving and having to outsource that outside of the home. So it really just has allowed me to resume my activities way faster than I thought, feel very supported and still feel like I'm a part of everything that's happening when it comes to watching her grow up.
- [16:02]
Farnoosh Torabi
And what's your partner's name?
- [16:04]
Janice Torres
Ray.
- [16:04]
Farnoosh Torabi
What were his questions when you were having conversations about this? Pretty big shift for him.
- [16:10]
Janice Torres
Yeah, he was honestly like very burnt out by his career. He worked in manufacturing and it was a 12 hour day. By the time he got home, you know, he'd been out of the house 15, 16 hours. And it was just, it was not a hard sell, you know, from the perspective of like, I'm not in love with this job. And we just had to be very rational too about like, where's the value of our skill sets and our time and, and if we want to take on this endeavor, which is arguably the most challenging thing you can do as a human being is like raising a human. We really had strong opinions on daycare, you know, based on experiences that friends and family have had. We just really weren't willing to compromise about her initial care. And so it was a much easier conversation to have. And then just knowing that my business could support him in that way and could support us, it just, there was really. The list of cons was way shorter than the list of pros.
- [17:13]
Farnoosh Torabi
I want to go back in time when you and Ray met and you have been married before and so you probably had a better Sense of who you wanted to be with long term going into the next relationship. But obviously you had signs of that Ray was the right partner and he and that you were the right partner for him. What were those signs in those early days and what were frankly the conversations you may have been having sooner than rather than later. You don't want to be like surprising anyone with the fact that Janiece is not going to stop working when she has a baby.
- [17:50]
Janice Torres
Yeah. It's funny because when we met on our first date, he had no idea who I was. Which is good because I'm the type of person that I Google everybody before I meet them. I want to know who this person is, get their whole background. When I started like revealing what I I do and all that, it was first off just not him not being intimidated by me. Being a breadwinning woman was like such a turn on because we see out there on the social media comments how triggered a lot of men are about that topic. And there's a lot of people who just don't like women who make a lot of money. And also like he is the natural caretaker. I saw how he would interact with like family with my dog. Just like he has this like nurturing spirit to him, which I was like, this is the kind of person you want to raise a child with. And he's also just very like emotionally intelligent. He's seven years younger than me, which is a taboo thing in itself as well. But I found that younger men have typically done more personal development than the older generation. And so emotional intelligence was huge for me. And he's just always been my biggest cheerleader. He's never been intimidated by the role that I have in the world. At home, I'm just Janice. I'm not the freaking award winning blogger and chick who like gets recognized when we're out on vacation, which also happens a lot. It's just normal. And it's nice to have that environment where, you know, I can come back to my center.
- [19:12]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, I love that. I'm so happy for you.
- [19:15]
Janice Torres
Thank you.
- [19:17]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [23:33]
Janice Torres
Yeah, you would have the complete right to do. Okay, she has to ask all the questions.
- [23:38]
Farnoosh Torabi
Coming from a good place.
- [23:39]
Janice Torres
Right.
- [23:39]
Farnoosh Torabi
And I might be recording this conversation.
- [23:41]
Janice Torres
But yeah, so when we were looking, I knew right away, like I wanted to have it in my name. It's just because at that point it just didn't make sense for us to do it as a joint venture. He also wants to buy some real estate. So I wanted like his credit and all of that to be freed up for when that happens. So the house is in my name specifically. And yeah, when we started talking about getting married, I knew right away, like prenups were going to be a thing. Not just to protect myself because obviously I've been divorced. But he also has a potential, like inheritance. His family on his dad's side owns business and so there's stuff that potentially could be coming to him. And I Didn't want that to be put at risk. And I think that's the thing that a lot of people don't understand about the prenup conversation. It is honestly meant to protect both people. And it's like, I like to think of it as an insurance policy. You hope you never have to use it, but you're damn sure happy that you decided to make that investment if and when, you know, things can happen. And so as him being a stay at home parent, one of the conversations that we had to get very frank about is like, like, what do we do in the case of divorce? Because I am setting aside my career to do this parenting thing for who knows how long, Right. We don't know how long that's going to be if he just stays out of the workforce or he does a couple years and then goes back. And so the way that we came to terms with it was we're not going to do alimony. We'll do lump sum payments based on, like how long we were married. And the intention for that is that you need some sort of springboard in the event that we get divorced. You want to be able to have money to get your own place, get a car, move whatever it is that you need to do. And I would want that same level of financial security if I was in his position. So it's not the most fun conversations. I'll be 100% honest with you. Some of it felt very cringe as we're going through it, but we also felt like if we can't talk about this stuff, like, there's going to be a lot of other things we will not be able to confront as a partnership. As time goes on.
- [25:43]
Farnoosh Torabi
What do we have to do to get more people to get behind this arrangement? This openness that you have, this will, this insistence upon financial independence for both people in a relationship. I will probably get in trouble for saying this out loud, but I don't think as many men as women would be thinking so thoughtfully about the other partner in the relationship, their caregiving responsibilities and protecting their finances. The fact that you went to the extent to be so thoughtful about setting your, your future spouse up for success, really thinking through, like, the what ifs. Yeah, it's totally your personality and it's everything you advocate for. So you are an outlier. What do we have to do, Janiece, to get everybody else on board with this? Because like you said, it's so taboo in our culture, even just to say, hey, you know, as a dad, I'm going to Stay home and be the caregiver. Let forget like all the rest of it, the prenup, you know, being on your wife's payroll, all that.
- [26:52]
Janice Torres
Yeah, I think it's going to take more conversations like this. Honestly, I feel like there's a generational, almost like a societal shift that's happening when we look at the numbers of women led entrepreneur, women led startups or businesses, and the amount of women who are getting degrees versus men and just women in general are just making more financial progress as a species, if you will. And it's just like it is what it is and society is going to have to change. And the more that we have these conversations, the less weird and outlier ish they will be. Right. And so I think it's almost like my responsibility to peel back the lens and let people know what is possible. Because these conversations have been happening for generations, but it's just been men leading those conversations. When we were talking about the lump sum clause in the prenup, he had no issue speaking up for the fact of, like, why this makes sense. And I don't think that women have just the same level of comfort of advocating for themselves. And so I think it's going to require us to just empower each other to normalize these conversations and to, if you are that living example, to be open and honest with your friends and family. Because you just never know who could be. Whose interest could be piqued by what you're saying. Because I can't tell you the amount of people who've read my book and the chapter Love and Dinero where we talk about financial abuse and the importance of advocating for yourself in a relationship when it comes to money. So many people have even said, I've never heard a Latina talking about a prenup. And I'm like, y' all, it's 2025. What do you mean? We see this all over the Hollywood and you see it with celebrities, but we can also do the same thing. And we really have this responsibility to protect these empires that we're building as literally the first generation of women who even have the privilege to be doing some of what we're doing.
- [28:44]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. Marriage is a contract. Exactly.
- [28:47]
Janice Torres
And if you don't like the terms, you are not going to be happy with the outcome.
- [28:51]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yes. Check the terms of your state. Every state has its own default divorce, state proceedings, who gets what. And most times people aren't. They're not thrilled.
- [29:01]
Janice Torres
Yeah.
- [29:02]
Farnoosh Torabi
And they usually find out when it's too late.
- [29:04]
Janice Torres
Absolutely.
- [29:05]
Farnoosh Torabi
You did a recent Episode on Yo Quiero de Niro about the finances of preparing for motherhood. And we've talked a little bit about creating Runway and financial stability. But I think it's also important for you to share how you concocted your maternity leave. Right. You did this on your own. I get this a question a lot, which is why I want you to to share your insight with us. You know how you DIY this mat leaf for yourself.
- [29:33]
Janice Torres
Yeah. So I think for me it was a natural extension of what I've been doing in my business for the past couple years in general, was really focusing on passive income streams so that I'm not having to show up for every dollar. As a business owner, there are times where you are just working way more than nine to five and like it's not sustainable. Uh, so for me it's been really important to have different income streams. And so one of the things that I've shared online is that my food blog, which is my first foray into content creation, delish lights.com, my food blog earned $35,000 between November and December of 2024. And so that money literally got set aside to cover my maternity leave. And that's money that comes in from ad revenue and affiliate marketing and it just really happens on autopilot it. So I knew that my maternity leave, the majority of the income was going to come from those sources. And then I did things like just having money set aside in a baby sinking fund. My village was incredibly generous with the baby shower gifts. Like we literally have not had to buy much other than like diapers and wipes shout out to the community because they are also a part of potentially like making this transition a little easier for you. It's been incredible. Also like the mompreneurs in my circle who have been sending gifts and well wishes and uber eats cards so that I can get some food. It takes some strategic planning to make this transition, especially if you're self employed. One thing that I would recommend is if you don't have short term disability benefits built into your state laws, look into a short term disability plan that you can purchase as a self employed person, but you have to do it before you're pregnant because apparently pregnancy is a pre existing condition for these policies.
- [31:25]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, you reminded me I did a baby guide for SoFi this last summer on how to financially prepare for parenthood. Birth rates are dropping and some of that has to do with the fear and I think a pretty legitimate fear around the cost of having a child. Any advice for Those who are, like, on the fence, they want to be parents, but they're having a hard time just even paying their own bills, let alone this idea of having a dependent. And a lot of the wild cards, the financial wild cards that happen when you're a parent. We know about childcare, and that's hard enough to save for, but there's other things, too.
- [32:00]
Janice Torres
Yeah, there really is. It's a daunting thing when you take a look at the numbers I think I saw recently, the statistics, it's like, over $300,000 to raise a child to the age of 17. And I'm just like, oh, my God, how do people have more than one? Yeah, just.
- [32:13]
Farnoosh Torabi
They're just showing off.
- [32:14]
Janice Torres
You guys are doing the most. For me, honestly, it had to do with waiting. I talk about the kind of idea that I had about motherhood and the fact that I felt like oftentimes it was at odds with my goals of being financially free in my book. And I've gotten so much feedback from other women who've had that same, like, existential crisis where it's like, I want to be a mom, but can I actually afford this? And the thought of being financially insecure as a parent is, like, so triggering for so many people, especially if they grew up in a household where that was literally their reality. Yeah, I've had to do a combination of things. Confronting those issues through therapy and, like, working through where that financial trauma with parenthood comes from. Realizing that I'm in a completely different space has been very healing. You can plan as much as you want in your goals of becoming a parent, but at the end of the day, you just never know what the cards that you're going to be dealt with are. When push comes to shove, I think relying on your community as much as you can is going to be the thing that makes it possible. Maybe daycare and child care is just way out of your budget, but maybe relying on a family member or a friend or doing, like, a mom swap, where you are helping each other care for each other's kids. I love the idea of these communes that people talk about now where it's like a group of girlfriends get together. We all live in the same olden girl. Like, maybe that is the future. Maybe we need to get back to a place where we are more reliant on the village versus trying to do all this by ourselves. Because it's not realistic. It really isn't. And one thing I will say as well about financially planning, maybe waiting, I think there's so much pressure, especially for women. Oh, you gotta have kids young because then you'll be geriatric and blah, blah, blah.
- [33:59]
Farnoosh Torabi
And it's a way geriatric in, in. In women's health is like 37.
- [34:05]
Janice Torres
Yeah, yeah.
- [34:08]
Farnoosh Torabi
Like, like they set you up for. You're. We're all geriatric. Let's just be honest.
- [34:12]
Janice Torres
It's so offensive to look at my medical records and see like geriatric maternity or geriatric pregnancy. I'm just like, y' all are so rude.
- [34:20]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, and did I see correctly that your bill that they build your insurance company like six figures?
- [34:26]
Janice Torres
Listen, farnoosh, my bill for a C section, standard C section was $97,000 before insurance. And my daughter had a separate $23,000 bill because apparently she was a whole other patient. Even though she was living in this little plastic box for three days. Like, that's $23,000 worth of care. So that's another point. I'm glad you mentioned that because planning for health care in this country.
- [34:56]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, but I have to. They just take advantage of the insurance companies.
- [35:01]
Janice Torres
Oh, they do. There was like $87,000 worth of adjustments and it's just like, why are we even doing this?
- [35:06]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh. So the company went back and forth and. Yeah, they try their best. Don't they though?
- [35:12]
Janice Torres
They really do. My out of pocket costs.
- [35:15]
Farnoosh Torabi
You got to give them credit.
- [35:16]
Janice Torres
They're very ambitious. It's a reach. But I still ended up coming out of pocket, like $5,000 between the two of us.
- [35:22]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, wow.
- [35:23]
Janice Torres
So it's not fun. Being a parent in America is 20 is a luxury.
- [35:28]
Farnoosh Torabi
$23,000 to live in your plastic box. Think about all the five star hotels you could go to. Deliver your baby at that for less.
- [35:37]
Janice Torres
That itemized bill was offensive. I think the room was like $5,000 a night. I'm like, this is definitely not the Ritz Carlton. I don't know what the hell they're charging.
- [35:44]
Farnoosh Torabi
Did you accidentally add two zeros to this bill? My goodness. Oh, man. Jeniece Torres, always so fun and inspiring to catch up with you. I hope we get to hang out in person.
- [35:58]
Janice Torres
Yes, for sure.
- [35:59]
Farnoosh Torabi
Thank you so much for everything and congratulations on motherhood and your forthcoming wedding. This is gonna be a big year for you.
- [36:09]
Janice Torres
Thank you so much for having me.
- [36:13]
Farnoosh Torabi
Thanks so much to Janice Torres for joining us. And I hope your day is so money.
- [36:32]
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Farnoosh Torabi
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- [37:01]
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