Episode Summary: So Money with Farnoosh Torabi – Episode 1862: A Financial Plan for Non-Earning Partners

Release Date: August 6, 2025
Host: Farnoosh Torabi
Guest: Anna Goff

Introduction

In Episode 1862 of So Money with Farnoosh Torabi, host Farnoosh Torabi delves into a critical and often overlooked aspect of personal finance: the financial vulnerability of non-earning partners in a relationship. Joining her is Anna Goff, a former stay-at-home mom who transformed her personal struggles into a powerful advocacy for financial autonomy among caregivers. This episode provides an insightful exploration of the challenges faced by non-earning partners, the importance of financial transparency in relationships, and actionable strategies to safeguard one’s financial future.

Anna Goff's Personal Journey

Anna Goff opens up about her decade-long marriage, during which she transitioned from a dual-income household to becoming a full-time caregiver. She shares how the absence of financial transparency led to significant vulnerabilities:

• Early Marriage and Financial Dynamics:
  “We started out our lives like on a level playing field making about the same amount of money... we didn't really think about a prenup or anything like that.” (06:45)

• Transition to Full-Time Caregiving:
  As Anna took on the role of a stay-at-home mom, she gradually relinquished her financial independence. She recounts the moment her financial autonomy was compromised:
  “I had a debit card and that was it. So he had to call and get me a hotel room since they lost my luggage... I had to have him put money in the account.” (04:58)

• The Breaking Point:
  The lack of access to the joint account and limited financial control became untenable, leading Anna to demand equal access:
  “If you don't put my name on the account that your paycheck goes into, I'm leaving. I can't be financially controlled like this.” (12:24)

The Importance of Financial Transparency

Anna emphasizes that financial transparency is not merely about access to money but about fostering trust and partnership within a relationship:

• “If you have a credit card with your partner and they're able to take that away... it's not truly yours. It's not truly your access.” (14:02)

• She highlights the ease with which one can hide financial assets without proper communication:
  “It's very easy for there to be... a completely other financial life that you don't even know about.” (14:04)

Steps to Financial Autonomy

Anna outlines actionable steps for non-earning partners to protect themselves:

1. Demand Full Financial Transparency:
   “Ask to see the statements. Not just a spreadsheet... have the real transparency.” (19:20)

2. Set Clear Financial Boundaries and Expectations:
   Establishing boundaries ensures that the non-earning partner’s contributions are recognized and compensated:
   “If you can afford to pay your stay-at-home parent salary, which I think is a great idea... it allows them to have some autonomy in their money.” (19:20)

3. Utilize Legal Protections Like Prenups:
   A prenup can formalize financial arrangements and safeguard assets:
   “Having something like a prenup or really having everything laid out there... you can really stand on your own two feet as an individual.” (36:02)

Navigating Divorce and Rebuilding

Anna shares her experience navigating a challenging divorce without prior financial preparation:

• Discovery of Hidden Assets:
  During the divorce process, Anna uncovered multiple undisclosed financial accounts:
  “He brought me statements that I had never seen in our 17 years of marriage.” (15:09)

• Legal Challenges:
  The mediator’s perspective on inheritance and personal accounts complicated the financial settlement:
  “The mediator deemed it non-marital, so it would have grown to $600,000.” (18:13)

• Rebuilding Financial Independence:
  Post-divorce, Anna took deliberate steps to regain her financial footing:
  “I bought the house that we lived in... I am building the life that I want and trusting myself for the first time.” (33:41)

Custody and Its Financial Implications

The conversation shifts to the impact of custody arrangements on financial stability:

• Advocating for Shared Custody:
  Anna advocates for 50/50 custody to ensure both parents remain actively involved and financially supported:
  “I demanded 50/50 custody... I needed time to work.” (28:11)

• Balancing Parental Responsibilities and Career:
  Shared custody can prevent the defaulting to a sole caregiver role, which often hampers financial independence:
  “You're in divorce court, it two things matter. Money and custody.” (27:11)

Mindset Shifts for Financial Empowerment

Anna emphasizes the importance of mindset in achieving financial autonomy:

• Recognizing Economic Value:
  Acknowledging the financial contributions of caregiving roles is crucial:
  “Invisible labor right of being a primary caregiver... if I'm not getting time off, then I become an unhappy person.” (24:35)

• Valuing Independence Within Partnerships:
  Viewing the relationship as a partnership where both individuals maintain their financial independence strengthens the union:
  “We have this business, our family, our household that we're running... it's the CFO doesn't do the same thing as the CIO.” (31:16)

Practical Advice for Couples

Anna provides strategies for couples to foster financial transparency and partnership:

• Communicate Like Business Partners:
  Framing financial discussions in a business context can reduce defensiveness:
  “Talk to him like you're speaking to a business partner... let's be on the same page.” (31:16)

• Set Mutual Financial Goals:
  Establishing shared financial objectives aligns both partners towards common goals:
  “These are our financial goals. We're trying to retire... we're trying to buy a house.” (31:43)

Rebuilding After Divorce

Anna shares her journey of rebuilding her life and financial independence post-divorce:

• Investing in Real Estate:
  Purchasing the family home provided stability and a foundation for rebuilding:
  “I bought the house that we lived in... building the life that I want.” (33:41)

• Pursuing Passion and Purpose:
  Transitioning to a career that aligns with her passion for empowering women:
  “I have a calling to help women, to empower women.” (33:41)

Conclusion

Episode 1862 of So Money with Farnoosh Torabi is a compelling narrative that underscores the necessity of financial autonomy for non-earning partners. Anna Goff’s candid recounting of her struggles and triumphs serves as both a cautionary tale and a roadmap for individuals seeking to safeguard their financial futures within relationships. The episode emphasizes that financial empowerment is integral to personal independence and relational health, providing listeners with both inspiration and practical strategies to achieve financial security.

Notable Quotes:

• “I can't be financially controlled like this.” – Anna Goff (12:24)

• “We have this business, our family, our household that we're running.” – Anna Goff (31:16)

• “I'm choosing to be with this person not because I have to, but because I want to.” – Anna Goff (36:02)

Resources Mentioned:

• Anna Goff’s Course: Protect Yourself Without a Paycheck – Link in Show Notes
• Follow Anna Goff on Instagram: @mess_GOFF

For more insights and practical financial advice, tune into So Money with Farnoosh Torabi and empower your financial journey today.