← So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
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- [00:01]
Farnoosh Torabi
As the main character of your life, you know how important it is to make the right choices for you and how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. With the State Farm Personal Price Plan, you have options to help create an affordable price for you so you can continue living your best life. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Race the rudders, race the sails.
- [00:36]
Amy Morin
Race the sails.
- [00:37]
Farnoosh Torabi
Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.
- [00:40]
Amy Morin
Over Roger, wait.
- [00:42]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [01:02]
Hey, it's Maya and Sim from the Girls that Invest podcast. If you are an IT or security pro, you know managing devices, identities and applications can feel overwhelming and honestly risky. That's where Trelica by1Password comes in. It helps conquer SaaS, sprawl and shadow it by discovering every app your team uses, managed or not. With pre built app profiles, you can assess risk, manage, access and even optimize your software spend. Plus, IT simplifies onboarding, offboarding and compliance, all while cutting costs by eliminating unused licenses. Take the first step to better security for your team. Learn more at 1Password.com special offer lifestyle mistakes keeping you from growing your money with Amy Morin, psychotherapist and host of Mentally Stronger.
- [02:00]
You're listening to Sew Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Torabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business minds, authors, influencers and from Farnoosh yourself. Looking for ways to save on gas or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to so Money.
- [02:26]
Amy Morin
Yeah, I hear that a lot where people will say just that like I don't, I don't care about money. And sometimes people say that when they do have money. Sometimes people say it when they're struggling. But I find in the therapy office, the more people say I don't care about X, Y or Z, it's like the more they really do care about it and they're just trying to to shove it down or to pretend like this isn't Affecting me.
- [02:46]
Farnoosh Torabi
Welcome to so Money everybody. I'm Farnoosh Tarabi. We have a special guest today, Amy Morin. She is a psychotherapist, mental strength trainer and host of the wildly popular podcast Mentally Stronger. She's also an internationally best selling author. One of her most famous Books is entitled 13 Things Mentally Strong people don't do. It's been translated into more than 40 languages and has sold more than 1 million copies. The Guardian dubbed Amy the self help guru of the moment and Forbes calls her a thought leadership star. Amy and I talk about her recent podcast episode entitled lifestyle mistakes that will keep you from growing mentally stronger. And I happened to find that there were so many intersections with that advice and the advice for how to be financially stronger. Mistakes like acting tough, trying to grow stronger alone. And we get into it. Here's Amy Morin. Amy Morin, welcome to Sew Money. As I was saying before we were recording, I'm in Montclair. Tell us where you are. This is pretty cool.
- [03:57]
Amy Morin
So I am on a sailboat in.
- [03:59]
Farnoosh Torabi
The Florida Keys and you're not on vacation. This is where you live.
- [04:04]
Amy Morin
Right. I came down here, it's been seven years now and it was started out as a six month adventure, like, oh, let's go give this a shot. But I really liked it. So here we are seven years later, still living on a sailboat.
- [04:16]
Farnoosh Torabi
Can you tell A little bit. Like I don't want to spend too much time on this, although I am fascinated about how you make it work and logistics and going from one place to the next. What are some of the trepidations you had that were maybe myths that you've actually like? No, it's a lot easier to live on a boat than one might imagine.
- [04:35]
Amy Morin
Yeah. So I came from a cabin in the woods in rural Maine where the Internet was not that fast. And so despite the fact that living in a house makes doing my job a lot easier, there were some drawbacks because video conferencing the Internet wasn't always fast enough. And so we had a sailboat slip, boat slip in the Florida Keys that we had purchased as a just an income property. And we rented it out and our tenant gave notice in November and we decided, well, let's do it, let's give it a shot. So like within a couple of weeks we packed up the car, came down here and started staying on a boat. And from a, I guess initially I was writing a book while I was on the boat, which was fine. It was a great place to write a book. And then during COVID I started a podcast and started doing more promoting the book, like being on TV and those sorts of things, which is a little more complicated. But on the other hand, it was easier than being in a house that didn't have fast Internet. So much of the time we're at a dock and on the dock we have high speed Internet, electricity, hot water, all of the amenities. So it's more like a floating apartment. But then just on the corner we can be out in the ocean. And I have, we have a smaller boat, a jet ski, those sorts of things. So we can go play in the ocean and go swimming and do whatever we want to do. And then, but from the boat, it's really not that bad. It's a smaller space, so I don't have to worry about as much in terms of like buying things. Everything's built in. So there's some plus size sides to.
- [06:01]
Farnoosh Torabi
It as well, including running a business, including hosting an incredible podcast. I want to focus on your podcast in just a minute. I listened to the last Friday episode. Want to dive into that because I think there are so many intersections with what you're coaching people on and the financial advice we so desperately need to be mentally stronger in our financial lives. But maybe we can start with how you have orchestrated this incredible career. Multiple internationally best selling books on mental health and mental wellness. You have so many incredible guests on your show. I'm kind of jealous. Like Brooke Shields. I just watched that documentary on Hulu, Pretty baby. Everybody got to check that out. That was crazy. Brooke Shields, life is unmatched. But tell us a little bit how you became who you are.
- [06:50]
Amy Morin
So I was a therapist living in rural Maine, practicing in my therapy office. And as all stories begin.
- [06:57]
Farnoosh Torabi
Right. All phenomenal stories begin.
- [07:00]
Amy Morin
And my sister was a therapist whose office was right next door. So we had adjoining offices in rural Maine and sort of like Niles and Frasier Crane on the TV show.
- [07:10]
Farnoosh Torabi
I love it.
- [07:11]
Amy Morin
And so. But I had gone through this series of losses. So my mom died when I was 23 and then my husband passed away when I was 26, which left me widowed at the age of 26. I didn't have my mom and supposed to be a therapist who helps other people deal with their problems. And so it really, like for the first time, I wasn't just interested in teaching other people about mental strength. I just wanted to know for my own life, like, all right, I'm going to practice all these strategies as much as I can too, because I need to know what works and what doesn't. And after my husband had passed away, I needed a second income. I was down to just one income. I didn't want to lose my house. I felt like I had lost so much. And so I. And you can only work so many hours a week as a therapist and still be effective at the job. So I didn't want to take on more therapy clients because that wasn't fair to anybody. But I needed to figure out how to make more money. So I started writing as a side hustle. Just a little freelance here and there. And one of the articles I wrote was called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. I got paid $15 for it, but it was going to help me keep the lights on that month. And 50 million people read the article. One of them happened to be a literary agent who said, you should write a book. And within a month, we had a book deal with HarperCollins. And that was 10 years ago now. So 10 years. And I'm working on book number six right now. But that one article was 600 words long. Changed the entire course of my life.
- [08:37]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, my goodness. Where did you publish that article.
- [08:44]
Amy Morin
Called lifehack.org wow. Immediately got picked up by Forbes, and when it landed on forbes, it got 10 million views almost instantly. And then Business Insider picked it up and all of these celebrities like Don Cheadle and Juliet Lewis were tweeting it. And this was before, you know, things like TikTok. And we didn't have all these videos that went viral. So it was back in the day where an article could actually go viral. I don't think that would happen in today's world that somebody would reshare something from a website if it were just an article. But back then that could happen and just it was like wildfire. So within a matter of weeks, I was on all these news stations are calling me and I'd never done anything like that in my entire life. And they're asking me to talk about mental strength. But they didn't know that I had this personal story behind it that they thought, oh, you're a therapist and you talk about these things. And I didn't share the story of. Well, it was really a letter to myself on the worst day of my life. And it was. I found it helpful. So I just hoped it would help a few people, but didn't imagine 50 million people would read it.
- [09:47]
Farnoosh Torabi
Wow. Wow. And your books have gone on to sell million plus copies. I think what's so cool about your approach to mental wellness is that you really flipped the scripts on us. And I wonder, going even back to that first article that went viral, what do you think it was about, your interpretation of mental health and mental strength that made people stop and share and share again? I have to go back and read it now, but I have to think it has something to do with the fact that you really do rewrite a lot of the scripts in our minds about what this actually entails. And in doing so, you show us that it can be actually a lot easier than we think.
- [10:29]
Amy Morin
Well, for me, as a therapist, they had taught me, when somebody comes into your office, figure out what they're doing well and build on those strengths. So if they already are doing three great things, encourage them to keep those things up. And, like, that's a. That's a cool concept. But at some point I realized, like, if I were going to go see a physical trainer and they told me to run on the treadmill for an hour, like, that's great. But I'd be really mad if they didn't tell me that, like, the two jelly donuts I eat for breakfast outweigh the hour on the treadmill. So I thought, you know, I'd rather just cut out one of the jelly donuts and then shave 15 minutes off my treadmill running. That makes life way easier. So I thought, you know, I'm doing the same thing when it comes to mental health and mental strength. If I just help people identify, like, what's your worst habit that's keeping you stuck and you can get rid of it. And so when I wrote my article, it was really one of the first articles about what not to do. Because I said, you know, as long as you don't do these things that rob you of mental strength, your good habits, which we all have good habits, they become so much more effective. But it just takes, like, that one or two counterproductive things, and if we just let go of that. And for me, in my life, I just wanted to say, how do I work smarter and not just harder?
- [11:34]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yes.
- [11:34]
Amy Morin
I didn't want to just keep, you know, running around like a chicken with my head cut off doing more things. But. And when I was in a low point in my life, just saying, hey, Amy, just don't do these certain things was so much easier than saying, hey, here's 80 things you should do today. I would just wake up and be like, okay, as long as I don't do these things, somehow I'll be okay. And so a not to do list felt much more manageable than a extra to do List.
- [11:57]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yes, There you go. See, it's the not to do list. We never heard of that. Who. Who tells us to have a not to do list? This is, like, gonna change my life, actually, because you should see my to do list. You should see the to do list. It's almost like I. The to do list is like a feel so proud when I check things off that I've done. But you know what? You can feel just as accomplished when you check things off that you haven't done because it may have led to better boundaries, more peace, more restrictions. I loved your most recent episode. One of your most recent episodes on your podcast, Mentally Stronger. Everybody subscribe, and I think you even have a free course that you're giving out. I was listening to. You have so many great resources, and a lot of them are free or accessible. But this episode in particular, as I was listening to it, it's one of your Friday episodes where you do what's called the Friday Fix, I believe. And you were giving us advice on the lifestyle mistakes that keep us from growing mentally stronger. There were five. It was a wonderfully packed episode. Five lifestyle moves that we should kind of rethink. And I couldn't help but think that this applies so well to our financial decisions, too, and the way that we approach our money. So could we go through them? I think that listeners will get a kick out of this. I definitely did not. A kick. Maybe that's not the right expression, but, like, it will make us stop and think.
- [13:18]
Amy Morin
Yes, absolutely. Because I think you're right that there is that link between our mental strength and our financial strength as well.
- [13:25]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, yeah. I mean, this whole podcast in many ways has evolved into conversations about what we do and why we do them. Money at the intersection of mental well being. So the first lifestyle mistake that you chose to talk about in this episode was acting tough. Can you talk about what that means? And then maybe I'll share too, like how I see that showing up in the financial world.
- [13:50]
Amy Morin
I think this is one of the biggest misconceptions when it comes to mental strength is people will say stuff like, oh, I wasn't bothered by that, or I don't mind, or I'm not sad. I'm not upset. I don't need any help with anything. I'm completely independent. And even if they went through something horrible, they'll come out saying like, oh, that didn't. That didn't bother me. It didn't affect me. But it really takes more strength to say, you know, I am sad, I am anxious. Or that thing I went through left an imprint on me and I need help. I. All of those things take courage. But so often I just see people who want to walk around acting like they don't care about anything, that nothing bothers them, and they think that that's like the hallmark of strength is saying, nothing in life bothers me at all. But the truth is, you can't just shut yourself off to the uncomfortable feelings and not expect that you're going to be able to still appreciate the more comfortable ones, like happiness and excitement. You have to allow yourself to feel that whole range of emotions.
- [14:46]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. I think this speaks to this myth again, that we have in our culture that success equals struggle, that there is no easy way to achieve what you want and then. And then feel good about it. Like, you have to really be. Go through a struggle story, which often we interpret as we have to do all of it ourselves. We cannot ask for help. And I would say even in the financial world, where I was thinking about this, this front, this. This portrayal of strength that we try to exude in our financial lives is when we often hear people say, like, I don't care about money. I don't. I don't think money buys happiness. I don't need money. As if to say that I'm not. I'm not gonna be dependent on money. I don't think money will make me happier. But I'm like, you know what? Let's actually unpack that. Because the truth is, money does afford us options and choices. And if you really get to the root of that resistance, maybe it's that you have been taught that you are not deserving of the wanting of money. Let's think about that, especially as women. And so maybe I'm extrapolating it too far, but I think there's so much depth to what you talk about, about this idea of acting tough and how it shows up in our financial lives. I'm just curious how often this might even show up in your sessions with clients and patients. This relationship with money and the lack of mental strength and how it shows up in their financial lives.
- [16:14]
Amy Morin
Yeah, I hear that a lot where people will say just that, like, I don't. I don't care about money. And sometimes people say that when they do have money, sometimes people say it when they're struggling. But I find in the therapy office, the more people say, I don't care about X, Y or Z, it's like the more they really do care about it, and they're just trying to. To shove it down, or to pretend like this isn't affecting me. But it's either too anxiety provoking to allow themselves to go there, or it stirs up some uncomfortable beliefs. Like you say, maybe somebody thinks it's not okay to have money because that quote about money's the root of all evil.
- [16:48]
Farnoosh Torabi
Right.
- [16:49]
Amy Morin
Money. And people think that it's bad or that people who are wealthy are terrible people. All of those sorts of beliefs often get stirred up. And so people who will say like, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. Well, you wouldn't be coming in and saying, I don't care about this thing if you actually probably didn't care about it a little bit.
- [17:06]
Farnoosh Torabi
Right, right. There's always a modicon of truth to everything we pretend is not true in our lives. When we joke about things or when we, you know, when we go to extremes and say, I don't care at all about this or I'd never do that. There's probably something behind that. An interesting story number two, A lifestyle mistake you talk about is putting yourself in a toxic environment and then blaming yourself for landing there. Maybe talk about why you chose this. And, you know, I guess we see this at work a lot like toxic workplaces, toxic relationships. It's hard to sort of untether yourself from that sometimes, even though, you know it's toxic.
- [17:46]
Amy Morin
Well, I have a lot of people that walk into the therapy office too, and they'll say those sorts of things like, you know, I need you to make me mentally stronger so I can hack whatever situation I'm in.
- [17:55]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah.
- [17:56]
Amy Morin
And I'm like, you know, having is a really healthy response to what's going on. And it might be the workplace where, you know, everybody's cheating, lying, and stealing to get ahead. And they're like, you know, I'm really struggling here. Well, that's a really good sign. Or somebody who's in an unhealthy relationship, whether it is one where they're being gaslighted all the time or they're in a relationship with somebody who maybe is emotionally abusive and they're asking me to help them feel better. No, you probably shouldn't feel good as long as you're in this relationship. And the goal doesn't have to be to feel better. Maybe the goal is to say, I'm going to change the situation. I think that's one of the best things we can do in our lives to build mental strength is to get better at answering that question. Like, do I need to fix the Do I need to fix the situation or do I need to fix how I feel about the situation? So often people want to say I'm going to fix how I feel about it, but if you're in a really unhealthy situation, like maybe the solution is really to say I'm going to fix the situation that I'm in.
- [18:55]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [21:14]
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- [21:34]
Amy Morin
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- [21:36]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [21:42]
Amy Morin
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- [21:46]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [22:00]
Amy Morin
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- [22:05]
Farnoosh Torabi
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- [22:08]
Amy Morin
The Warby Parker store nearest you, head.
- [22:10]
Farnoosh Torabi
Over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com and sometimes fixing the situation means leaving.
- [22:20]
Amy Morin
Correct.
- [22:21]
Farnoosh Torabi
But I appreciate what you said in the podcast, which is that, you know, sometimes we can't in that moment because we are financially dependent on that job or even within that relationship. So if you are that person that feels like, okay, I've committed to fixing this, but I can't do anything right now because it could mean losing a lot more than I'm willing to lose at the moment. Like it's gonna, I'm gonna risk where I sleep and how I get to work and how I pay my bills. What's your advice for that person in terms of taking the right steps towards eventually releasing themselves from that situation?
- [22:55]
Amy Morin
Yeah, I think you can. And realistically for a lot of people, you can't just say, great, I'm going to leave that situation. So maybe it's about managing what you can control. All right, I'm going to figure out how do I respond to this person or this situation that I'm in. Focus on the things that are within your control. And sometimes it's just your breathing. I'm going to take some deep breaths today while this person's talking or I'M going to make sure that despite everything that's going on, I'm going to take 10 minutes to do something for myself. Self care is important. Reading a book, going for a walk, doing all of those sorts of things that you can and just knowing though that as long as you're in that situation, it's going to take up tons of your mental energy, it's going to take up a lot of your time and that's okay. And don't try to blame yourself for not being good enough. Some self compassion goes a long way towards saying, okay, I'm gonna do the best I can with what I have. Here's what I'm gonna do today and focus on those little things. Even if it's, I'm gonna eat as healthy as I can, I'm gonna get as much sleep as I can, I'm gonna spend time with friends, do fun things to try to balance out and counteract some of the difficulties I'm going through.
- [23:59]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, I can see how too in those situations we tend to suffer in silence because on the outside maybe you do seem to be like in the per or you got the dream job, but behind the scenes it's anything but. And you feel like if you reveal your unhappiness maybe people will start wondering, well, what's wrong with her or him? Right. And so this actually feeds into your next lifestyle sort of choice that we make or not choice, but situation we find ourselves in, which is that we try to grow stronger alone. I think it ties back to this idea of acting tough too, right. That we, as soon as we ask for help, as soon as we try to find, tap into a community, there is a sense of like giving up and what do you, how do you want us to rethink that?
- [24:46]
Amy Morin
When you really take a step back and you ask yourself, well, does it take more strength to do this alone or does it take more strength to ask for help? Like clearly asking for help takes tons of courage or admitting I don't have all the answers or I could learn from somebody. Even if you go into a workshop and you think, well, this is all sort of 101 version of what I was hoping to get, you can still learn. When you're open to learning from other people and you practice a little humility, you can go so far. And if people only knew, like so many people come into my therapy office all day, every day, tell me about their struggles and then they say, but nobody knows I'm going through this. And I feel like I'm all Alone in it. And then the next person comes in and says something very similar and says, but nobody knows I'm dealing with this. And people would be really surprised because from the outside, they look like they have it all put together. They might have an amazing job, they might look like they're in a great relationship, but they're struggling and they don't tell anybody about their struggles. And I think if only all of these people all day long could. Could get together, sit in a circle and realize that they're not alone, that we're all struggling with these things. We just don't say it out loud, heal a lot faster, and feel a lot better.
- [25:52]
Farnoosh Torabi
You know, going back to what you were earlier saying about how you were, you wrote that article, it went viral, but you were hesitant or didn't at the time, reveal your truth about your grief and losing your spouse and your mom. When did you feel like it was the right time to share? And how did you do it? And how did you ultimately grow stronger? Not alone.
- [26:15]
Amy Morin
Yeah. So after the article came out, I didn't say it to anybody. I was on, like, were you afraid?
- [26:22]
Farnoosh Torabi
Like, what was holding you back?
- [26:25]
Amy Morin
As a therapist, I was used to hearing people's stories and I didn't want to tell mine. And part of it was most of the people, 99% of the people who saw me for therapy didn't know. And even the people I saw when my husband passed away, I took a couple months off from work. I was able to tap into my short term disability to do that, but they just knew I had a family emergency. And a couple people figured it out. It was a small town, so they figured out what had happened. And then I think they felt guilty about coming in to tell me about their problems. My biggest concern was if my therapy clients knew, then they wouldn't feel right coming in and talking to me. They'd feel bad or they'd wonder how I was doing. And I didn't want them to feel like they were responsible for me. So that was my biggest fear, is I didn't want to ruin my career as a therapist by. By making all of this public right in the moment for people who had. Some of these people had seen me for therapy before this happened, and I didn't want them to then feel bad if they didn't know or if they hadn't figured it out. So that was my biggest concern. And then in thinking about my future as a therapist, I'm like, once you put it out there, you can't take it back. And I know my clients Google me, and so I thought, you know, would they want to know that about me versus if I were a completely blank slate and they didn't know anything? And that was my biggest concern, is how would this affect me as a therapist? And it was really. I had gone to lunch with a couple of my girlfriends that I've been friends with since we were in preschool, and they said, you know, I really think it will just add credibility to your story. If. If you share your story, then it. People will then be like, yeah, you're not just preaching this from the pulpit, but you've actually been there. You've been at the lowest points in life and you understand. And it was really that. That then gave me the courage. So I went back to my literary agent and said, well, there's a story behind this. And then we went to my publisher and said, you know, I don't know about telling this story, but here's the deal. And then we decided. So it really didn't come out until. Wasn't made public until my book came out.
- [28:19]
Farnoosh Torabi
I'm hearing that maybe there is no regret in that, though. You know, like, you took your time. I can completely understand that hesitation, and I think it was completely justified. And you did it in your way, in your time. Is there any. Are there any changes you would make in how it all transpired? No.
- [28:38]
Amy Morin
I think I'm glad that I told the story, and I'm glad I told it in a book. I'm afraid had I just told it to a reporter who was calling after the viral article, they would have been able to have control.
- [28:47]
Farnoosh Torabi
You owned the narrative.
- [28:49]
Amy Morin
Yes, in a book, in a way that I wanted to. I kept what I wanted to private, but also made the things that I thought I wanted to make public. I was able to do it that way. So I'm really glad that I hesitated. I'm glad I was thoughtful about it and then glad that I ultimately shared it too.
- [29:04]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, my gosh, it's giving me goosebumps. I mean, your story right now just illustrates the beauty of listening to your fear and recognizing what is it that it really wanted you to protect. And I think what it was was your narrative and your sense of control in sharing a very deeply life change. And you did it and it worked out. I mean, like, you followed that fear, maybe even unknowingly, but you listened to it. You didn't blah, you know, to your community, because I can. Or to a reporter, you know, because in that way, yes, there's. There's A risk in that. And that's a fair risk that you should really, like, pay attention to.
- [29:43]
Amy Morin
And I've tried to hold on to that idea, too, to keep some stuff private. When I first moved on to a boat, I didn't tell anybody for a long time. And because I thought, you know, do I want this public people going to take me seriously, like, oh, awesome. So I kept that. And then I thought, all right, when it was time to reveal it or to make it. Make it known, like, how do I want to share this information? Because I didn't want people to. I guess, again, I just wanted to control the narrative of why I lived on a boat and what it was like to live here.
- [30:12]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. I mean, why not give ourselves the grace to figure it out on our own first before we decide what is the. What are the parts of the story and the way that we want to deliver the story to the public? You know, this isn't a best friend. This isn't your. Your closest confidant. It's everybody and anybody who is taking up, who's participating in the audience. And, you know, I think that some things are kept best kept private and sacred until you're ready. Because we live in a culture. Right. Amy, would you agree that it just pushes us to, like, share all.
- [30:47]
Amy Morin
Everything?
- [30:48]
Farnoosh Torabi
I just had a post on, you know, salary transparency. And while I support that there is a right and a wrong way to do it, I think, you know, when an employer asks you about your salary history, you don't share it then or on LinkedIn. People now are sharing their salaries. And I'm like, that's not progress. That is actually going to be used against you and others in your. In your field, because that's just the way that the world works, unfortunately. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. Okay. Number four and five of lifestyle mistakes that will keep you from growing mentally stronger. Four, not taking care of your body. We talk a lot about, on this show and everywhere about how wealth is health and health is wealthy, and you are a very strong woman inside and out. Tell us how that has attributed to your. Your physical strength, has attributed to your mental strength.
- [31:40]
Amy Morin
Yeah, there's that whole hustle culture, right, of you don't have to sleep and you just grab food on the go and stay as busy as possible. But we know that there's, like, one thing that nobody can really do for you, and that's manage your. Your health. No matter how much money you have, you can't ever get the time back. So, like, I want to live as long as possible. My mom was 51 when she passed away and it was from a brain aneurysm, which can sometimes be hereditary. It's not preventable, but as long as I'm here on the planet, I want to make sure that I'm as healthy as possible. So a few years back, I decided to really take charge of my health. It's something I've always kind of had on the back burner of. Yeah, I'm going to work on running and I'm going to make sure that I exercise, but wanted to experiment. What happens if for one month, just for 30 days, I made working out my number one priority? And I wouldn't have wanted to do it long term because it did cost me like social life. I couldn't do as many things as I wanted to and there was some cost to it. But for 30 days I worked out and I worked with a trainer and said, you know, can I get six pack abs in 30 days? What can you do in 30 days? And by the end of the month, like I made more progress in 30 days than I had in years, like, of working out. And so then I found if I made that my top priority for just 30 days, like now it's down on the priority list at like number four, number five in my life. But maintaining it is super easy compared to like what it took to build it. So I just learned, yeah, if you make your health a priority, top priority in terms of like eating and exercising, you do everything you can, even in the short term to make a huge shift. And then maintaining it afterwards is, is a lot easier. But my mind feels better and I'm able to like. It's a really tangible way to say, how do I test my mental strength by doing something that my body says I can't do, like running. It says you're too tired, you have to stop. It's a great way to then talk back to my brain and be like, actually, I'm going to keep going anyway. So I find it to be a wonderful way to exercise my mental strength while I'm actually working out.
- [33:34]
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, I mean, and I can see how that mental strength, this shows up in, in your work and in your relationships. The muscle you're flexing, really metaphorically is just that like you can persist. You went through such a grueling 30 days, let's say in the beginning of getting those six pack abs, you did that. You know now what you're capable of. You know that you have greater limits than what maybe you originally thought and Then having that translated in your financial life, your career life, your relationship life, is that kind of what you're hoping people will experience in that too? When they work on their physical health, they can actually see what their potential is in other areas of their lives.
- [34:14]
Amy Morin
Absolutely. And when you start that snowball effect, and if somebody said, you know, for 30 days, I'm going to put my financial health at the top of the list, you could also then accomplish something huge and then realize what you're capable of. And then the next, you know, 11 months out of the year, you don't have to perseverate as much on it, but you could say, yeah, I'm capable of a lot more than I give myself credit for.
- [34:35]
Farnoosh Torabi
And then finally, number five, you say pushing yourself to stick to unhealthy things is a lifestyle mistake that prevents a lot of us from being mentally stronger. What do you characterize as unhealthy things?
- [34:47]
Amy Morin
So I see a lot of people that set out to do something and then, like, their ego gets in the way and they're going to finish it no matter what. So somebody might be like, you know, I'm going to train for a marathon. And three weeks into training, they realize that they have some knee pain, but because they've already announced on Instagram that they're going to do a marathon, they're going to keep running anyway. And then because they're like, I'm not a quitter. I'm going to persevere. Or somebody who's in a. In a toxic workplace says, you know, I should stick with this because I set out to do this career, so I'm going to do it no matter what. And people don't realize, like, no, sometimes it takes strength to quit. I'm a big fan of saying, if something's not serving you, like, it's okay to walk away from it. If you start a business and it's a sinking ship, like, don't wait five more years until you finally have to give it up. Give it up now. That's okay. But it takes, when you think about it, it takes courage and strength to walk away from something that's not working out for you.
- [35:41]
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, man, don't. I have some stories which I will spare us. You can read about it in my forthcoming book. But before you do, check out all of Amy Morin's incredible books. You have how many now?
- [35:52]
Amy Morin
Five books.
- [35:53]
Farnoosh Torabi
Number five books and millions sold internationally. I'm looking at your website now. Are these in chronological order? 13 things mentally strong people don't do that's number one. You have even a book for kids, which I think I'm gonna order for mine. My kids. Sooner you start on these principles. Imagine, imagine if we had this advice growing up.
- [36:16]
Amy Morin
And that's why I wrote it, because that's the feedback I kept getting from people who read my first book was like, I just, I want my kids to have this now, rather than 30.
- [36:24]
Farnoosh Torabi
Ordering two copies right now of that. And then, of course, please check out Amy's podcast. She's a licensed therapist. She has written multiple books. Her podcast brings all of that really to life. And you do these episodes, I think.
- [36:38]
Amy Morin
Twice a week, right? I do a Monday episode where I interview people about their mental strength, the strategies that work for them. And every Friday, I share some of my favorite strategies straight from the therapy office.
- [36:49]
Farnoosh Torabi
Kevin Hart, Brooke Shields, Leanne Rimes, Taye Diggs, Matthew McConaughey, who has been your most surprisingly best guest. Like you went in with certain expectations and they, they topped it. You know, I would.
- [37:05]
Amy Morin
Jerry Cruz blew us away. So he'd written a book called Tough and it was an absolutely amazing episode where he talks about shame and addiction and lots of things that he struggled with in life and was completely open and not a scripted way. Sometimes you get celebrities or people who have written about it and they say the exact same thing on every show. He was just like a wide open book in terms of talking about it in a really raw and authentic way.
- [37:31]
Farnoosh Torabi
Amazing. Well, congratulations to you. I'm so honored that you came on our podcast, that we are now connected. Amy Morin, come back anytime.
- [37:41]
Amy Morin
Thank you, Farnish. I appreciate it.
- [37:45]
Farnoosh Torabi
Thanks so much to Amy Morin for joining us. Check out her podcast Mentally Stronger and her books, including 13 Things Mentally Strong People don't do. I hope your day is so money.
- [38:11]
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