So Money with Farnoosh Torabi (Ep. 1877): How to Not Be Financially Tacky

Guest: Daniel Post Senning, Co-President of The Emily Post Institute
Date: September 10, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Farnoosh Torabi sits down with Daniel Post Senning—fifth-generation etiquette expert and great-great-grandson of Emily Post—to deliver a fresh guide to modern financial etiquette. Together, they explore how classic etiquette principles are (and aren’t) keeping up with changing times, addressing today’s stickiest topics: salary talk, tipping in a digital age, the etiquette of splitting bills, navigating wedding costs, modern workplace norms, and even how to disclose the use of AI at work.

With humor and grace, Daniel and Farnoosh share practical scripts and mindset shifts, helping listeners avoid being “financially tacky” while maintaining genuine relationships, personal boundaries, and self-respect.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Modern Meaning of Etiquette

[03:56]

• Daniel explains etiquette is not a rigid set of rules but “about the quality of the interactions that we share with the people around us.”
• Etiquette evolves with time but is always rooted in “consideration, respect, and honesty.”
  • “If you have those three things… a sense of kindness emerges, the capacity to empathize emerges.” (Daniel, 06:44)

2. Choosing What Money Conversations to Have—and How

[09:52]

• Talking about money remains deeply personal.
  • Daniel encourages setting boundaries:

    “You can set your own boundaries, and I think that can be a liberating experience for people.” (Daniel, 09:52)

• If you want to discuss salary with coworkers for equity reasons:
  • First, check consent:

    “Hey, I'm really invested in salary equity and I'm curious, are you comfortable talking about salaries or what you make?” (Daniel, 10:54)

• Farnoosh notes that you don’t have to share every personal detail; healthy boundaries are not secrecy.
• The three tiers of conversation:
  • Safe topics (weather, pop culture)
  • Potentially controversial (politics, religion)
  • Most personal: family and finance—don’t probe unless the door is opened.

    “Don’t ask a probing or personal question unless someone’s opened the door.” (Daniel, 12:53)

3. Tipping in a “Tip Everywhere” Economy

[13:18]

• Tipping should retain gratitude at its core:
  • “Let’s keep the gratitude in gratuities.” (Daniel, 14:06)
• Two categories:
  1. Sit-down service—Not optional; 15-20% is expected, given wage structures for servers.
     • If not tipping, speak to the manager:

       “…you’re also accountable for explaining why you didn’t.” (Daniel, 14:54)

  2. Counter service / digital tip prompts—Entirely discretionary.
     • “You can hit one of those suggested amounts. You can hit ‘no, thank you.’ … Do what’s comfortable for you.” (Daniel, 16:01)
  • Custom tip amounts: “One of my favorite options…is the ‘other amount.’ Then I do what’s comfortable for me.” (Daniel, 16:13)
• Service fees: Always ask where your money goes.
  • “Having clarity around what you’re paying and to whom is an important part of making good choices for yourself.” (Daniel, 19:14)
  • “It is always okay to ask about a service fee on a receipt or a part of a billing process.” (Daniel, 19:14)

4. Financial Etiquette for First Dates

[21:00]

• Traditional rule: Person who does the inviting pays.
• But, if the guest wants to pay their own way, it’s impolite to insist.
  • “You can offer again. No, but you can’t insist and you can’t demand it.” (Daniel, 22:52)
  • “If someone gets very strict about their need to pay for you…You learn a lot about someone in that moment.” (Farnoosh, 22:36)

5. Navigating Weddings—Invitations, Gifts, and Expensive Festivities

[25:54]

• Responding is key: RSVP yes or no; don’t leave anyone guessing.
  • “The real etiquette that you’re on the hook for is responding to an invitation… Not responding… is the worst thing that you can do.” (Daniel, 25:54)
• Gifts: It’s traditional (but not required) to give a gift even if you decline. Personal, modest gifts are meaningful.
• If multiple pre-wedding events become financially overwhelming:
  • It’s okay to say no and ask clarifying questions up front before committing to a wedding party role.
  • “Having those conversations is facilitated by getting that one layer more of information before you say yes.” (Daniel, 33:03)
  • Hosts should offer flexibility, not ultimatums, for participation.
    • “Don’t assume that other people understand your good intentions. It’s okay to make them explicit.” (Daniel, 35:09)

6. Business Etiquette in the Post-Pandemic, Digital World

[36:44]

• Remote work changed the etiquette landscape:
  • New shared standards (punctuality, camera usage, calendar management) should be understood and explicitly communicated.
  • “Your calendar as communication is another skill...that is at the center of a new set of expectations.” (Daniel, 38:18)
• Classic etiquette—greeting and saying goodbye—still matters, even virtually:
  • “It allows for… interactions that humanize us... and defines the workspace… in a way that’s functional and practical and helpful.” (Daniel, 39:52)

7. AI Disclosure and Integrity

[42:07]

• Using AI in your work? Be up-front:
  • “The potential trouble ... if people feel that you are being disingenuous or representing work that was not yours as yours is a place where you can do fundamental damage to a relationship and you want to be really careful.” (Daniel, 42:07)
• Default to transparency:
  • “Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about your accountability to that disclosure. Make it a practice, make it a part of how you use those tools.” (Daniel, 43:09)
  • “AI alone isn’t rude, it isn’t polite. It’s really going to be how we use it that matters.” (Daniel, 44:29)

Memorable Quotes

• On the evolution of etiquette:

  “Etiquette is not some rigid code of rules. It’s simply how persons’ lives touch one another.”
  — Daniel Post Senning, [05:19]

• On boundaries and money:

  “It doesn’t need to be a criticism of someone else… But you can set your own boundaries and I think that can be a liberating experience for people.”
  — Daniel Post Senning, [09:52]

• On ‘tiers’ of conversation:

  “Don’t ask a probing or personal question unless someone’s opened the door.”
  — Daniel Post Senning, [12:53]

• On tipping counter service:

  “You can hit ‘no thank you.’ One of my favorite options is ‘other amount.’ … And I’m out the door.”
  — Daniel Post Senning, [16:13]

• On wedding RSVPs:

  “Yes is great. No is also great… Not responding… is the worst thing that you can do.”
  — Daniel Post Senning, [25:54]

• On AI use:

  “It’s not rude, it’s not polite… It’s how I use it that matters.”
  — Daniel Post Senning, [44:29]

Noteworthy Segments (with Timestamps)

• Setting Financial Boundaries (Salary, Personal Finance Conversations) – [09:52–12:53]
• Tipping Today (Sit-down vs. Counter, Digital Prompts) – [13:18–17:53]
• First Date Bill Etiquette – [21:00–23:39]
• Wedding Invitations, Gifts, Declining Events – [25:54–28:28], [32:13–33:03]
• Business Etiquette in Hybrid/Remote Work – [36:44–40:40]
• Disclosing Use of AI at Work – [42:07–44:29]

Summary Takeaways

• Etiquette is living, not static—its core is empathy, respect, and honesty, helping us navigate new and awkward money situations.
• Boundaries are healthy—whether talking pay at work or declining a destination bachelorette. Communicate your needs clearly and without judgment.
• Tipping norms depend on the context—safeguard your wallet and your conscience; don’t feel shamed by digital prompts.
• Good hosts and guests both communicate—RSVP promptly, give what you can, and don't take social obligations as guilt trips.
• Old-school courtesies matter in modern workplaces—say hello and goodbye, even remotely.
• AI transparency is the new honesty—disclose your use to maintain trust.

Further Resources

• Daniel Post Senning: Awesome Etiquette Podcast
• The Emily Post Institute: Website

Bottom Line:
Modern manners require flexibility and self-respect, especially when money’s involved. By anchoring actions in consideration, respect, and honesty, you’ll avoid being “financially tacky”—and help everyone around you feel seen, respected, and at ease.