So Money with Farnoosh Torabi

Episode 1900: Money, Divorce, and Midlife Reinvention
Guest: Tracy Burns, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
Date: November 3, 2025

Episode Overview

In this milestone episode (#1900) of So Money, Farnoosh Torabi welcomes longtime friend and former broadcast journalism colleague Tracy Burns. Now a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Tracy is devoted to helping women—especially those in midlife—navigate divorce, regain financial control, and reinvent themselves. The conversation centers on women’s financial journeys through and after divorce, addressing shame, knowledge gaps, mistakes to avoid, and essential tools for rebuilding. The episode offers empowering, practical advice in a candid, relatable tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tracy’s Transition from Media to Financial Advisory

• Tracy and Farnoosh reflect on their early media careers and what drew Tracy to focus on women and finance.
• Tracy's Spark: Interviewing top women on Wall Street revealed that many, despite their success, lacked financial knowledge and were uncomfortable relinquishing control to “another old white guy.” (06:07)
• Purpose: Desire to make a meaningful impact by supporting women, especially during vulnerable times like divorce.

The Hidden Shame and Knowledge Gap Among Women

• Why Don’t More Women Know the Basics?
  • Societal expectations and lack of financial education.
  • Tracy: “You didn’t talk about money, religion, or taxes when I was growing up. So how are you supposed to know this stuff?... We’re so hard on ourselves, we think that we’re born with this knowledge. We’re just not.” (07:40)
• The industry’s jargon is intentionally exclusive. Example: “Unch” for “unchanged” used to make outsiders feel ignorant.
  • Tracy: “It was like a humiliating and really frustrating moment... but you did it on purpose to make me look stupid... Money is not rocket science. You just got to dig your heels into it.” (08:23)

Divorce: The Three Stages & First Steps to Regaining Control

• Divorce as Daunting but Manageable
  • Tracy advises breaking the process into stages: “Chew off little pieces at a time.” (12:27)
  • First Steps:
    • Know all household finances—down to account usernames, passwords, and basic recurring expenses like the mortgage and insurance.
    • Tracy: “Whether you’re happily married or not, make sure you know the usernames and passwords to every account. That is first and foremost.” (12:50)
  • Building Awareness:
    • On date night, introduce “one money question”—don’t try to solve everything in one sitting.

Mistakes Women Commonly Make During and After Divorce

• Biggest Pitfall: Emotional Attachment to the House
  • Tracy: “You’re no longer married. Don’t be married to anything right now, including your home. It’s a money pit at the end of the day... You’re going to be living house poor.” (03:11 & 17:01)
  • Advises renting initially and keeping settlement money safe: “Rent until you figure out where you want to be, who’s living with you... just take a breath.” (18:28)
• Post-Divorce Financial Decisions:
  • Resist pressure (internal or societal) to make quick or showy decisions—e.g., cosmetic surgeries.
  • “Too many rash decisions made in the beginning. I have to sell the house. I have to do this. Take a breath.” (15:21)

How Women Can Protect Themselves During Marriage

• Prioritize Transparency
  • “Whatever floats your boat. One account, three accounts, twenty accounts. But everyone must know how every dollar is being accounted for.” (24:36)
  • Farnoosh emphasizes using budgeting apps and dashboards that give real-time, shared access to all accounts—for clarity on net worth, debts, and income.
• Career Break Concerns:
  • Alimony is no longer lifetime; payments “step down” over time. Use that window to reeducate and re-enter the workforce.
  • Tracy: “Take advantage of those years, you’re probably covered pretty well... Figure out how you’re going to get there and baby step your way back.” (26:15)

The Gender Shift in Alimony & Settlements

• Women as Higher Earners:
  • More women are now obligated to pay alimony or settlements when they earn more. It can be emotionally complicated, but fighting in court usually costs more than settling.
  • Tracy: “On some levels... fighting it out is more expensive than just settling. Just settle. Just be done.” (28:30)

Divorce “Dream Team” — Who Should Be in Your Corner?

• Core Allies:
  • Financial advisor (ideally specialized in divorce)
  • Attorney (for legal representation; mediation can save money)
  • Accountant (for nuanced asset splitting)
  • Therapist (for emotional support)
  • Trusted girlfriends/community for support
  • Tracy: “Use the appropriate people for the appropriate things... your accountant and your attorney are going to charge you by the hour. So if you want to spend the first hour complaining about your husband, you’re paying for it.” (30:01)

Protecting Against Hidden Assets

• Suspecting Financial Secrecy?
  • Ask about business expenses and ownership, especially with entrepreneurial partners.
  • “Find out what expenses are being put through. ‘Hey, so how do we pay for the cars? Do the cars go through the business?’”
  • If necessary, add a forensic accountant to your team. (32:20-33:48)

Instilling Financial Savvy in the Next Generation

• Teach Kids Early:
  • Tracy bought her children fractional shares in companies they loved (Nike, Disney) and linked market events to family interests.
  • “Not a terrible way to start to ease your kids in... Instilling independence in our girls, no matter how old they are, is key to creating financial empowerment later.” (34:04)
  • Introduce money concepts with real-life relevance—choose brands your kids already recognize (e.g., Amazon, Nike, Disney). (35:42-36:59)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Tracy on money knowledge:
  “We’re so hard on ourselves, we think that we’re born with this knowledge. We’re just not.” (07:51)
• Farnoosh on money’s accessibility:
  “As women, we do much harder things every day... Getting your period once a month is harder... So yeah, let’s give women the permission to say [money is accessible].” (09:26)
• Tracy on house attachment:
  “You’re no longer married. Don’t be married to anything right now, including your home.” (03:11, repeated at 17:01)
• On alimony and new beginnings:
  “The rules have changed. I think there is a misconception out there still that people can get lifetime alimony. That is not a thing most of the time... If you could create your perfect life, you just got the opportunity to do it. No one’s going to yell at you or tell you you got to be home at night. So go do it. Consider it an opportunity, not a hindrance.” (26:15)
• On financial transparency and empowerment:
  Farnoosh: “Everyone must know how every dollar is being accounted for.” (24:36)
• On the divorce team:
  “Be efficient about this. Otherwise, you’re going to end up just drowning in bills.” (30:01)
• On instilling independence:
  “Knowing what’s going on and being independent is key. Knowing that... you will always have a job... makes me sleep at night.” (34:04)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Divorce & home pitfalls: 03:11, 17:01
• Why women lack money knowledge: 07:40–09:26
• Three stages of divorce prep: 12:27–14:16
• Post-divorce, managing a financial windfall: 14:16–15:21
• Advising women before marriage: 19:10–21:10
• Transparency in marriage: 24:36–25:36
• Career break and alimony today: 26:15–27:59
• Women as higher earners, settlements: 28:30–29:35
• Building your divorce team: 30:01–31:32
• Hidden assets & forensic accounting: 32:20–33:48
• Teaching girls financial literacy: 34:04–36:59

Resources & Contact

• Tracy Burns on LinkedIn: @tracybyrnes
• Email: tbyrnes@lebenthal.com

Tone: Empowering, friendly, pragmatic, encouraging women to step confidently into financial leadership at every age and stage.

This summary highlights the substance and voice of the episode, equipping listeners (and non-listeners alike) with actionable wisdom for navigating finances through life transitions, particularly divorce.