So Money with Farnoosh Torabi

Episode 1926: The Hidden Cost of Competition. Is it Worth It? (Encore)

Guest: Ruchika Malhotra, author of Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success
Release Date: February 2, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives into a radical reimagining of success by questioning the pervasive assumption that competition is essential for achievement. Host Farnoosh Torabi and returning guest Ruchika Malhotra (author of Inclusion on Purpose and the new Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success) explore the societal and systemic roots of competitive culture, its negative impact on personal wellbeing and group dynamics, and how to nurture a healthier culture of collaboration, abundance, and solidarity—both in the workplace and beyond.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. From Imposter Syndrome to Competition (06:12)

• Ruchika’s Thesis Progression: Her journey from examining imposter syndrome—demonstrating its roots in systemic bias rather than personal flaws—to dissecting competition as another deeply embedded (and problematic) societal norm.
• Systemic Dynamics: Many well-meaning advocates for equality remain apprehensive about initiatives that might ‘disrupt the status quo,’ revealing an underlying resistance tied to zero-sum thinking and the fear of scarcity.

Quote:
"Imposter syndrome is very much a challenge of a system and a product of a system that essentially wasn’t made for women and for people who don’t fit a very certain mold, which some people say is pale, male, and stale."
— Ruchika Malhotra (06:47)

2. Scarcity Mindset and Its Effects (09:42)

• Historical & Structural Analysis: The notion that there’s only “room for one woman”—whether in the boardroom, publishing, or elsewhere—persists due to structural limitations set by gatekeepers.
• Validating Women’s Experience: The exhaustion, burnout, and distrust in current environments are not the result of personal failings, but of systems designed to pit people, especially women, against each other.

Quote:
"For men, truly there are many more opportunities. That’s the reality... For women, haven’t been shown that at all."
— Ruchika Malhotra (12:05)

3. Shifting Toward Abundance and Collaboration (13:40)

• Ruchika’s Vision: Moving from individual competition to collective advancement, urging people to embrace “radical generosity” and abundance thinking.
• Short vs. Long-term Mindset: Stepping back from cutthroat competition might feel like a loss in the short term, but ultimately builds a culture where more can thrive.

4. Rethinking Competition (14:02)

• Is Competition Always Bad? Not necessarily—Ruchika points to sports (esp. the Olympics) as an example where competition can be healthy if there are clear rules and a level playing field. Real-world stakes, however, are messier.
• Teaching Kids: The crucial role of leaders (like coaches) in emphasizing learning, sportsmanship, and teamwork over winning at all costs.

Quote:
"When you make competition so high stakes, when you attach it to your whole sense of worth... you’re creating an unhealthy state of panic where people feel anxious all the time. I don’t think that brings out the best in people."
— Ruchika Malhotra (15:35)

5. Practical Applications at Work (19:02)

• Role of Leadership: True change demands leaders model and communicate collaborative values (“learning and growth is more important than growth at all costs”).
• Psychological Safety: Citing Amy Edmondson’s research, Ruchika underscores that organizations fostering psychological safety—where failure is allowed and voices are heard—perform better and are more innovative.
• Advice for Women in Competitive Fields: Forge alliances, support one another, and demonstrate solidarity to shift workplace culture—even in environments traditionally hostile to such values.

Quote:
"If you want to do great work, you want to have a career you’re proud of, you want to operate with integrity, you got to model [collaboration and abundance]. It’s got to start with you."
— Ruchika Malhotra (20:56)

6. State of DEI and the Pendulum Effect (25:44)

• Corporate Reality: Farnoosh and Ruchika discuss the fluctuating prominence of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) in the corporate world—the “pendulum swing”—and whether a more sustainable middle ground is possible.
• Continued Optimism: Despite backlash and legal challenges, many leaders continue to value DEI (even if not by name), recognizing its critical importance in a diversifying world.

Quote:
"Demography is destiny. At the end of the day, our demography will not allow us to step away from DEI fully, even if we have to be creative about how we do this work."
— Ruchika Malhotra (28:08)

7. Envy, Social Media, and Managing Comparison (28:29)

• Comparison is Human, Competition is Not: Ruchika clarifies, based on research, that while comparison is hardwired into humans as a survival tool, competition is not innate—we thrive through collaboration.
• The Algorithmic Trap: Social media platforms intensify feelings of inadequacy and comparison, leading to unhealthy competition. Setting boundaries (muting/unfollowing) is an act of self-preservation.
• Reframing Envy: Malicious envy (“they have what I want, it’s unfair”) vs. benign envy (using others’ success for inspiration). Tools like “bragitude”—combining bragging and gratitude by celebrating wins publicly while acknowledging those who supported you—help foster abundance.

Quote:
"Our success is collective and community based, not individual."
— Ruchika Malhotra (33:50)

8. Redefining Success (34:14)

• The Deep Work: True fulfillment comes from defining what success means individually, separate from socially imposed notions of winning or status. This requires self-reflection, understanding personal values, and resisting the lure of external validation.
• Example – Book Launch: Ruchika shares her personal journey preparing for a book release, noting pressures to compare, and her conscious decision to measure success by community, joy, and connection—metrics invisible to most but meaningful to her.

Quote:
"Defining success has become really important... Success markers that again, outwardly people won't know. But... how do I really lean into that as my marker of success? And you've got to do so much work to get there."
— Ruchika Malhotra (37:10)

9. Anticipating Backlash & Hope for Change (38:26)

• Not Everyone Will Agree: Ruchika predicts skepticism, particularly from those who have fought hard to succeed in competitive systems. Yet, her aim is to reach those questioning whether the system serves them and to prompt intentional reflection about engaging in competition.

Quote:
"My hope is just to reach out to those people and say for a moment, like, hey, if you could slow down those automatic processes and just ask, do I want to engage in competition right now or not, that's all I want more of us to do. And if I can change one or two people to think differently on that, I feel like my work is done."
— Ruchika Malhotra (39:37)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• A radical paradigm:
  "Imagine a world where you were no longer expected to compete. Your worth wasn’t tied to winning or outperforming... Success wasn’t a race, but a collaboration."
  — Farnoosh Torabi (03:12)
• Sports as a model for healthy limits:
  "The more important thing is all those beautiful things you learn, you work together, you collaborate, you have each other's backs."
  — Ruchika Malhotra (14:45)
• Models for leadership:
  "We need more leaders... who make it clear: collaboration matters more than competition."
  — Ruchika Malhotra (19:05)
• Mic drop moment:
  "We get envious of things that actually wouldn’t mean anything to us if we had them."
  — Farnoosh Torabi (34:19)

Suggested Timestamps for Key Segments

• [06:12] – The transition from imposter syndrome to critiquing competition
• [11:16] – Systemic scarcity and zero-sum thinking in workplaces
• [14:02] – Healthy vs. unhealthy competition in children and sports
• [19:02] – Collaboration and psychological safety in corporate culture
• [25:44] – The pendulum of DEI in business leadership
• [28:29] – Social media and the management of comparison and envy
• [34:14] – Redefining personal success beyond competition
• [38:26] – Anticipating pushback and planting seeds for change

Conclusion

This episode of So Money delivers a thought-provoking reexamination of the role competition plays in our lives. Ruchika Malhotra provides both a strong critique of the “winner-take-all” mentality and practical steps for fostering collaboration, abundance, and personal fulfillment. Whether you’re a leader aiming to change your workplace culture or an individual seeking more joy and less anxiety in your journey, these insights invite listeners to challenge their assumptions and redefine what it means to succeed.