← So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
1934: Launching Kids in an Expensive World. How to Raise Financially Independent Young Adults
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- [00:01]
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- [00:30]
BetterHelp Ad Voice
This is an ad by BetterHelp.
- [00:32]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Did I talk too much? Did I just let it go?
- [00:35]
Randy Crawford
I was thinking so much.
- [00:41]
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- [01:01]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Better.
- [01:02]
Darina (Quo Co-founder)
Hi, I'm Darina, co founder of Quo. You might know us as OpenPhone. My dad is a business owner and growing up he always kept his ringtone super loud so he'd never miss a customer call. That stuck with me. When we started Quo, our mission was to help businesses not just stay in touch, but make every customer feel valued no matter when they might call. Quo gives your team business phone numbers to call and text on your phone or computer. Your calls, messages and contacts live in one workspace so your team can stay fully aligned and reply faster. And with our AI agent answering 24. Seven, you'll really never miss a customer. Over 90,000 businesses use Quo. Get 20% off@quo.com tech that's Q U O.com tech and we can port your existing numbers over for free. Quo no missed calls, no missed customers.
- [02:00]
Farnoosh Tarabi
So Money Episode 1934 Launching kids in an expensive world. How to raise financially independent young adults.
- [02:10]
Podcast Host Intro Voice
You're listening to so Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Karabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business minds, authors, influencers and from Farnoosh yourself. Looking for ways to save on gas or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to SEW Money.
- [02:36]
Randy Crawford
The best way our kids learn is through natural consequences. But nobody today wants to be uncomfortable. It's like we are allergic to discomfort and we are not going to let our kids be uncomfortable. And so when you started telling me about like 28 year olds that are just starting to launch, that is so the norm. It's absolutely unbelievable.
- [02:56]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Welcome to SO Money. Everybody, I'm Farnish Tarabi. We are talking today about parenting, boundaries, money and what it really means to raise independent kids in a world that feels more expensive, more anxious and more overwhelming than ever. My guest is Randy Crawford, a life coach known for her refreshingly no nonsense approach to parenting teens and young adults and for helping parents start stop over functioning so their kids can actually grow up. Randy works with families, navigating everything from launching kids into college, first jobs and post grad life to adult children living.
- [03:31]
Sponsor Ad Voice (Shopify/Gelt)
At home, financial dependency and the emotional.
- [03:34]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Minefield of comparison culture and social media. At the same time, she's a powerful voice for women in midlife who are craving reinvention, balancing aging, identity, shifts, hormones.
- [03:46]
Sponsor Ad Voice (Shopify/Gelt)
Entrepreneurship and the emotional labor that so many women carry quietly.
- [03:52]
Farnoosh Tarabi
What I love about Randy's work is that she brings so much clarity, humor and compassion, but doesn't sugarcoat things. Her message is simple and bold. Independence is the greatest gift we can give our kids and the one thing they won't learn if we do everything for them. Here's Randy Crawford. Randy Crawford, welcome to Sew Money Farnoosh.
- [04:15]
Randy Crawford
Thank you so much for having me. I've been looking forward to this ever since we booked it.
- [04:19]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yeah, me too. You know, I often get asked this question of how do I teach my kids and my adult kids the value of a dollar? And it starts young, but it also never ends. This idea of you think your kids are graduating from college and they're off on their own, but they're really not. And so much of the education, if you're lucky to have the foresight, should start when they're kids. But then a lot of times we're catching up to it and the world is impatient. Our kids want what they want, when they want it. And any lots to unpack with you today about your philosophy around having a better relationship with your kids, especially your adult kids, around boundaries and money and supporting them in a way that doesn't enable. But let's first talk about how you got to this corner of the world as a life coach, helping specifically families. I know you also work with women and midlife women, but this particular complexity of helping families navigate the stickiness with launching them into the world to be independent adults and all of that goes with it. The money piece, the career piece, the self confidence piece, how'd you get into this?
- [05:35]
Randy Crawford
You've just hit on every single piece of it. The story is really wild. So I was the co founder of a public healthcare company and in my family there really was no balance. It Was like all or nothing. I was never like a nine to fiver. It was. I was working 247 even when I had my kids. And I loved it, by the way. And when that company ended, and we won't go into that whole story, cause that's another entire, another podcast, I started to become a stay at home mom, which I loved Farnooche. But like days turn into years and years turn into like you cannot believe how much time has gone by and you see the writing on the wall that your kids no longer need you to do everything for them. And. And I was somebody that always still had like my foot in the water. So I wrote for a local paper. I just did a lot of little things because I could never just do nothing. And I needed more than volunteering in the classroom, which I also loved and I think is super important. So it came to that time in my life when my husband said, why don't you just find something that you enjoy? And if you ask a woman who's raised her kids, who has been a stay at home mom or who has worked when they were young, what is fun for you? But that's a really daunting question. It's what is fun for me, really? You just, you're like fun.
- [06:47]
Farnoosh Tarabi
That word, fun. First of all, I was not allowed to have fun. Yeah, fun was like what you did when you were misbehaving, frankly. Gosh, Fun.
- [06:58]
Randy Crawford
Exactly.
- [06:58]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Is this okay? Is it okay to be having fun?
- [07:01]
Randy Crawford
Yes. Like you're googling it. What is fun? What do I do that's fun?
- [07:04]
Farnoosh Tarabi
We don't give ourselves permission to have fun.
- [07:07]
Randy Crawford
No, we really don't, men. And I'm not putting anybody into categories. But if I were to, you know, men at least have the outlet where they'll go and they'll play golf with their buddies, they might go play pickup hoops. They do things like that. Whereas I saw, at least in my community, while the men are playing the pickup hoops, the kids are either playing hoops next to them or they're in the pool. You're watching them. But as the mom, even if you work, you always have your eye on the kids. And so the concept of me doing something fun was really out there for me. And finally, after much thought was like, you know what? Retail sounds fun. I don't go shopping. I don't even know anything about retail, but I'm just gonna give it a go. So I go into what is my favorite store. I've shopped there maybe three times in my life. And I Immediately get a job. And I'm like, what am I doing? Why did they give me this job? I have no idea how to work retail. But Farnoosh. It's interesting because the girls who I worked with as the sales associates were young adult women. The customers that come in were my age women because we're talking about anthropology. And all my managers were like millennials. So here I am in the thick of it with all of these ages of women. Now you have to understand, the company that I ran was for menopausal women. So my history is working with women. So I don't like it. I love it. So I would go to work and I would just thrive. I immediately became a stylist and I just was like, where has this been my whole life? I'm having fun and I'm getting paid. So it was a really a win win. But honestly, I saw the writing on the wall there. And as much as I enjoyed it, I noticed what I really love, really love is when a customer comes in and she's just not in the best mood. She hates her body, because we all do. She hates trying on clothes. And I'm like, okay, I know you. I know this menopausal women because I am you. I ran a whole company for you. And I feel like I could become a coach and really help you work through this time of your life. Fast forward. I go through the Jay Shetty program because I absolutely love everything that he says. I really do. Again, that's an entirely another podcast. But his philosophy is just so similar to the way that I grew up. So I take this course, I like hang my shingle, so to speak. And farnush, I'm not kidding you. Every call I get immediately is a mom calling me to work with her daughter. And I'm like, what? What is this pivot? Like, I need to work with you. You're the one that needs my help. But what ended up happening? First of all, I love working with the daughters. But what I learned is that the communication gap between mom and daughter is so wide. And what the mom thinks is going on and what is really going on is it's 180 degrees of a difference. And so what I started doing was working with both moms and daughters.
- [09:53]
Farnoosh Tarabi
So.
- [09:53]
Randy Crawford
So while I work with daughters to help give them, help them learn how to build their self esteem and resilience and confidence, I'm also doing the same thing for the moms. Because moms need the permission to go out there and be like, you know what? It's okay to go get a job, it's okay to have fun. Moms are so tied into this identity of being mom that they get lost in the process. And that is why, to answer your initial question, that is why we are where we are. Because. Because moms will not let go.
- [10:22]
Farnoosh Tarabi
And what about the dads? What's their part in all of this?
- [10:26]
Randy Crawford
That's a very good question that you ask. And when people ask me why do I constantly talk about moms, it's because the dads don't call me to work with their daughters. I've never received a call from a dad. I've worked with a lot of young men because the mom will call me. So do I have the answer to that? I'm actually often perplexed myself if I'm going to be very honest with you. And I'll give you an example right now, when you talk about what is the age to start talking to kids about money? My brain. I'm terrible with money. Farnoosh. Like I want to work with you, but my husband is a wealth advisor. Right. So he does a lot of that stuff. But I don't look at money as money, especially when I'm working with young adults who need to launch. I look at it as building habits so that you understand money and you understand your spending and your trade offs and the things that you're giving up so that you could get certain things. The dads, when I see the young kids, a lot of these girls posting on their socials, they have this whole trend, I don't know if you're aware of it, it's called get ready with me. And it'll say like grwm. And while they are adorable and their little outfits are adorable, it ends at adorable when they start just showing you their jewelry that they're drip. They're dripping in $30,000 worth of jewelry.
- [11:38]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yeah.
- [11:38]
Randy Crawford
And their little shoes are their $500 Golden Goose shoes. And what I often wonder is, does the dad like, does the per. Okay, I shouldn't assume it's the dad making the money. Do the parents realize that not only this is where our money is going, but that our daughter is out there flaunting it? Almost as if she made it like, is this their family values? I don't know the answer to that, to be very honest with you, but I find that a fascinating. And when I show my husband, he always says, God, what do you think the parents think of these? And I'm like, I don't know. I do not know.
- [12:11]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Let's let's set the stage so we can focus on the principal issues that you're coming up against over and over again in your practice. So when it comes to things like values, money, work, self value, I feel like these are all.
- [12:26]
Randy Crawford
They're all tied together.
- [12:28]
Farnoosh Tarabi
What are the challenges right now? And when you say, like, mothers and daughters, like, what is the generation that we're talking about? Is it boomers, gender? Like millennials? Is it millennials? Gen Z?
- [12:39]
Ayo Akemwaleere (Athletic FC Podcast)
Who.
- [12:39]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Who are the mothers and then who are the daughters? And I know that there's probably a mix, but generally, who are these? Who is the target here or the audience?
- [12:48]
Randy Crawford
That's a very good question. I would say a lot of the mothers I work with are Gen Xers. On the younger side, not really many millennials. And the daughters that I work with and some of the sons are basically Gen X, Gen Z. So Gen X and Gen Zers. And it's this young adulting and launching into adulthood and all of the stuff that we're talking about that is just a really tough stage to answer that question. I'll tell you the number one thing that I come up against with these kids. It's that they're getting. They're launching. They're getting their first jobs, and they get their first paycheck. And they are stunned. Like, they're stunned. Where did my money go? What is happening? I thought this was my salary, and now I'm getting, like, half of that. And now their parents are saying, okay, you're paying for rent, utilities if they want to join a gym, if they want to Uber eats and doordash if they want. All these little things add up. And so the number one question. I was dying to talk to you about this, because I find it fascinating, the number one question that I am up against when I'm working with these kids who are miserable, saying, is this it, Randy? Like this? No, there's no way this can be my life. Monday through Friday, I'm grinding, and I'm not saving a dime. I spend every dollar I make. How am I supposed to stack? That's the first time I hear that term, stacking. They all use it. How am I stacking? And then my husband will say, they have to do the compounding. And I'm like, mike, I'm not a financial advisor. Talk to them about that. Listen, I think that we all want to have control over our decisions, Farnoosh. And I think having agency and control is so important, which is why we want to teach our kids and we have to teach our kids about budgeting. It has to start there. And that should not be a bad word. That should be a great word because that teaches independence. That's the number one issue that I am dealing with in terms of non emotional issues.
- [14:41]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Wow. Why are the Gen X parents, moms in particular, so over functioning to the point where they are raising these adult children who don't know how to budget, who don't feel confident going out in the world, that are staying at home. And I know a lot of, look, the economy is extremely difficult right now. It's not the first time it's been difficult. So just also to caveat that, but it's true. The cost of living is extremely high. Depending on where you live, the job market might not be great. And I think that there's something generationally happening with the gen zers. I think it's also true in probably the younger millennials. They don't really want the same things that their parents aspired to achieve. Like they don't want that go to work, nine to five job hustle. Like they want something else. And I don't know if they've identified what it is, but they're not jazzed by the idea of going to quote, unquote an office and working a quote unquote job. I'm not defending them, but I'm just saying they have a different value system. And I think have you. Do you run up against that too? Like there's a gap in sort of.
- [15:51]
Randy Crawford
The value that is like the bang of my existence.
- [15:54]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yes, but is, but what's. There's nothing wrong with that either.
- [15:59]
Randy Crawford
No. What I find fascinating with this generation Farnoosh fascinating is that I know a lot of kids, especially I live in San Diego and a lot of these kids have got these remote jobs, whether they're located in New York or San Francisco. And I'm going to be honest with you, they are traveling the world like more than half the time. And my husband and I constantly are like, how do we do what they do? Like, how are they doing that? No, I think they are fabulous. And I think it's very fascinating that they have figured out how to thrive in not only getting a job, which is so hard, but keeping a job while traveling internationally, figuring out how to pay for those trips and working while abroad. So no, they want something totally different. But you asked an interesting question to start that and I'll give you a really interesting story to answer why I think parents do this. I love to go through parent groups and communities online, big ones, whether It's Facebook or Reddit or whatever it is. And one day I read a post from a mom, and it's a very valid post, so I'm just gonna start with that. She says, listen, my daughter just went through six rounds with this company. Long story short, she did not get the job. However, the manager actually emailed her and said, listen, it was between you and one other person, and you did really well. We're going with the other candidate. However, here's my cell number. Stay in touch with me. Something might come up down the road, and I'm reading this post, and I'm like, this is a great experience. Go you. Everything about this I'm loving, and I kid you not. I start going right down to the comment section, though, which is always my favorite thing to do. And comment after comment. Farnoosh. And then the whole narrative changes. Nobody's answering her question. They're like, what did you just say? Did you just say your daughter went in for six interviews and didn't get the job? That's an unorganized company. She dodged a bullet. They should have paid her for her time. You would not believe the responses from the moms in this group chat.
- [17:57]
Sponsor Ad Voice (Shopify/Gelt)
Wow.
- [17:58]
Randy Crawford
And I'm like, I was horrified by that. So I make a TikTok about it, because I get a lot of engagement on TikTok. It's very fun. People love to just say things to me. Who hurt you as a child? Nobody hurt me as a child. And I'm not like a hardo like David Goggins, but I am at some point like, don't you be a victim. That is not okay. That's not how I was raised. And that's just not what we're gonna do. So I made a TikTok about it to see what other people thought, like, am I crazy or is everyone else crazy? And once again, all these parents piped in with, what are you talking about? If a company needs that many interviews, then they need. They need to be paying your kid. Your kid does not need to be wasting their time. And I'm like, but where is the other side of the coin? Saying, wow, what great experience. She made it through six interviews. That many people wanted to meet with her, and the more experience you get, you might get the next job. And for the record, this same exact thing happened with my son for his first job in New York. Went all the way down with this company. Loved it, thought he got the job, didn't get the job, did not get off about it, but didn't understand it. And two months later they called him back and said, oh by the way, we have the same kind of position and it opened up in Manhattan, which Farnoosh was a million times better than him having a reverse mutic, Connecticut. So what are we teaching our kids?
- [19:17]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yeah, yeah.
- [19:19]
Sponsor Ad Voice (Shopify/Gelt)
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- [20:41]
Farnoosh Tarabi
I'm Farnoosh Tarabi, host of Sew Money.
- [20:43]
Sponsor Ad Voice (Shopify/Gelt)
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- [22:13]
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- [22:42]
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- [24:20]
Farnoosh Tarabi
By the way, Hiring is extremely important. Companies sometimes hire too quickly and then firing is really difficult. So they take their time in the front end to find the best candidates. And that doesn't mean that just because you didn't make the cut, you weren't great. To your point, you're right. And I also think it's a lesson like, don't just put all your eggs in one job basket. Like, I hope you were applying to three other jobs at the same time. And yeah, it is a learning experience. But that's very interesting that it's these moms that are enabling. What do you think? Do you think they grew up with boomer moms that were just so bitchy that like then now they like are trying to be the softer moms? Soft parenting, by the way, is. I feel like it's not. It's out in 2026.
- [25:04]
Randy Crawford
The gentle. Yeah, the gentle parenting is out and the F around and find out is in. And I am for that because the best way our kids learn is through natural consequences. But nobody today wants to be uncomfortable. It's like we are allergic to discomfort and we are not going to let our kids be uncomfortable. And so when you started telling me about like 28 year olds that are just starting to launch, that is so the norm. It's absolutely unbelievable. I don't know about you, but I've been very familiar with the soft launch. Right. Like soft launched them into adulting. But farnoosh, that used to be what going to college was. That was college. The soft launch. Today, parents. And I've had arguments with parents and saying, like, why are you spending this much money sending your kids to school if you're going to pay to have their laundry service done, you're going to pay to have somebody drive them from A to Z. You're going to pay for doordash every day. Like all the things that we want them to gently learn while they're at college. They're not learning at college. So now they're learning it after college and the parents are still jumping in there. It's, it's very. I understand. Understand it. It is done with the best of intentions. So I'm not shaming you. I'm just saying I wish parents understood that the longer that they're doing this and helicoptering and taking over, they are robbing their kids of building that muscle of learning how to touch life and live life.
- [26:28]
Sponsor Ad Voice (Shopify/Gelt)
Yeah.
- [26:28]
Farnoosh Tarabi
You have this on your site and I've heard this from mother moms. The feeling of like, if I can help my kids, then why wouldn't I? And it's A very. It usually comes from moms that have a lot of resources and time and privilege. I specifically heard this from one mom friend who has a lot of wealth and resources and invests a lot in her child. And the kid is great, but, like, she will be the first to. If he gets a grade that's less than what she thinks he should get, she's calling the teacher, like, nobody puts my kid in the corner. And he does 14 different extracurriculars, and she's taken him to, like, Europe every summer. And I think in her mind, it's Princeton or bust. And, like, we all are like, oh, my God, what if that's actually not his goal? But doesn't matter on the one hand, I'm like, wow, she really is going for it with this kid. But at the same time, and she has said, if I. If there's something that I can do for him, like, why wouldn't I? It's because then he'll never leave your house.
- [27:34]
Randy Crawford
Listen, I have a hilarious. I have a hilarious story for you. You're not even gonna believe this. It's so crazy. So this mom. This mom basically posts and says, listen, ladies, my daughter's at college two hours away. And she just said. She just texted me and said, mom, the hot water. You're not even gonna believe this. The hot water is gonna be out in the dorm for three days. And what do I do? So the mom's. I did what any mom would do, and I drove to college and I picked her up. So four hours, right? Two hours each way. Mom brings the daughter home for a couple days again, I see this, and I'm like, no way. No way. I'm crazy. Or everyone else is crazy. I make a TikTok about it and I say, moms, seriously, Your daughter's in college and the hot water goes out. I need to. Oh, and it's even better. You know where I got that post from? I'm on a website that's in England, so sometimes I like to see how, like, people across the pond parent their kids. Yes. This was from a group of Brits who I always think are way tougher than us. So this is what they're all saying. So I make the post and. And every mom in there is, what if I could go get my daughter and help her with something so small? Why wouldn't I? And they said things to me like, that's when they said, who hurt you as a child? Like, what. What. What kind of a life coach are you? This is something so minor. I can do for my kid, I'm going to do it. So that is the mentality. And my mentality is, okay, let's just take a step back, let's take a deep breath. There's a gym on the campus. I guarantee you the gym has a shower. There are other dorms.
- [29:06]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Resilience. Yeah.
- [29:07]
Randy Crawford
My gosh, Are you kidding me?
- [29:10]
Farnoosh Tarabi
You know, I used to host a show way back in the day called the bank of mom and dad. Actually a British show. Speaking of the Brits, it was a BBC show from the UK that they imported to the US and the premise was there are these. This was like 2008 in 2009, things don't change. And these kids were now adults who were just like deep in debt, didn't have jobs and the parents were enabling them, so to speak, giving them money for rent. And they were living at home with no boundaries, no consequence, no paying for anything. And so the show was like I would come in and coach often the daughters and also the parents because we realized you cannot just teach the daughter, you have to also reparent the parent in some ways. And it was, it's a reality tv so it wasn't exactly the most constructive exercise for Americans watching, but it was fun and it was educational, I think. And I wanted to ask you a little bit about. For parents who have, let's say young ones in middle school and high school, there's such an emphasis to get them into college, right? That's the finish line, that's the goalpost. And to get there, there is such an emphasis on academics at the expense of world experiences like getting a job and even failing like doing whatever you can to make sure that your kid gets perfect grades, perfect scores on the whatever entrance exams, the transcript looks polished. Again, at the expense of just learning how to like wake yourself up in the morning doing chores because again, there's only so many hours in the day and parents are choosing to invest their kids time in like getting them, tracking them towards college. And there's actually a book about it called Erasing the Finish Line. My friend Ana Homoyon wrote this book. We are totally doing it wrong. We need to stop putting all this pressure on getting into college. So what's your advice for these parents who, you know, don't wanna be that mom with the 25 year old and having these issues of getting her out of the nest and what are the things that they can instill now? Like three to five pieces of advice. If you could go back in time or if you are that parent, what Would that be?
- [31:30]
Randy Crawford
I think so. When you talk about the academics I live in. Are you in New York right now?
- [31:35]
Farnoosh Tarabi
I'm right outside New York. I lived in New York for a very long time.
- [31:38]
Randy Crawford
Okay, so I'm in San Diego. And in San Diego it's, as you can imagine, sunny all the time. There's my little. It's just pretty boring, but beautiful. But that being said, kids basically play sports year round. And so what I have seen, and I work with a lot of athletes because what I have seen here is it's not just the academics, but a lot of it is sports. And so it's a perfect example from a very young age, Farnooche, like we're talking five, six years old, somebody will say, wow, your kid is really good at baseball or really good at lacrosse, whatever the sport is. And these parents will have these kids specialize in that sport from this very young age. And the comedy is there's a lot of professional athletes that live in this area because it's so nice. And you have parents that will contact these professional athletes to say, can you work with my son? And these people will be like, no, I'm not working with your 8 year old. Let them be a kid and play all the sports. But the point is, so what I talk to parents about, because here's what happens, I'm gonna give you the end of that story. A lot of these kids, because their parents have given up so much sacrificed, traveled back to the east coast for tournaments for years, given up holidays, broken up marriages, overspent money that they didn't have, poor modeling behavior on how to spend money, all of these things have happened and now their kid gets the D1 offer. So you read books and you hear statistics all the time that not that many kids are going to get the D1 offer. I'm here to tell you, in San Diego, a lot of kids get the D1 offer. Okay, so that's what I see. And what happens is though they get to college and it is not the dream. It certainly was never their dream, it was their parents dream. And all of a sudden they realized that getting that dream, achieving it means having two very full time jobs in college. You are not a student athlete, you're an athlete student. And you are working from the minute you wake up till the minute you go to bed. So now all of a sudden they look around, they realize they're the middle of the pack, they're no longer the hometown heroes. So that's a big sting. And they don't even enjoy it that much, but they just kept doing it because their parents kept pushing them. So I'll talk to you about what I tell all of these families because listen, it is very tempting today with the nil money and everybody just sees dollar signs and oh my God, if my kid plays football now, he could be a millionaire in college. I'm not going to argue any of that. I get it. This is just like crazy and it's gone overboard. But here's the thing. We have to stop and talk to our kids. Values are so important and they are taught so young. We don't do that anymore because we are just busy checking off of a list all of the things we have to do. We have to. Even if it's once a week. I'm saying start small. You have to have your family dinners. It's so important that we as families are together and we talk and we laugh and we talk about the highs and we talk about the lows. And I can tell you as Bad Parenting 101 over here. I don't even know how many family dinners we had in high school because my kids were in so many sports. My son would get home at 11 at night. My daughter did cheer and she got home at a different time. And so I was having dinners at 5pm and at midnight. I never emphasize that. And if I could go back in time, are you kidding me? It's the first thing that I would do is emphasize I don't care how you make it work. I don't care if it's a Sunday dinner, but you have those family dinners. Another thing that's so important is we mistake talking for listening and communicating. But we are so wrong. We need to sit down with our kids and really listen to them. We shouldn't be the ones talking. It's why I am so pro having a mentor, a friend, a coach, a therapist, whatever. That person is a third party that is not interested in the outcome of whether or not your kid goes to Princeton. But I'm interested in the outcome of are you happy? Is this filling and feeding your soul? Because a parent and I get it, I am a parent. We just see the end goal. I had kids who there were certain skills they were really good at and at the end of the day chose not to go to college to do their sport. And in my area of the woods, we were such outliers. Why would you not send your kids to do X, Y and Z? I'll tell you why. Because that's not what they want. They really enjoy it. But just because they can doesn't mean they should. And it's funny, Farnoosh, because throughout high school, like, my kids would tell me things like, mom, I don't want this for college. And I would be like, but no, you're wrong. I see you and I see how you're so much better when you're busy. Like, actions speak louder than words. And I see that you light up when you do your sports. And they would say, yeah, I light up because I'm around my friends and I'm enjoying it and yes, I'm good at it, but does it mean I want it to become a full time job? No. No. And it's so hard to listen to that. And sadly, in my family, it took a really bad and awful ACL tear, my son's sophomore, a year for me to get that memo and realize that by the next year when he was able to come back, he had learned to do and have so many other interests. The kid played sports from the time he was 2 years old, but he was interested in so many other things. So just because they can doesn't mean they should. And the next thing I'm gonna say that I find so critical, and it's the last piece of advice I would give, is model the behavior you want to see. Do not live beyond your means. Don't drive the Mercedes if you can't afford the damn Mercedes. But around here, again in SoCal, this is all that you see when all the girls are wearing their aloe sweatsuits. It doesn't mean run out and get your daughter the aloe sweatsuit. Buy what you can afford and show your kids. Okay? If we're gonna save up, up for that aloe sweatsuit, I'm going to show you what we're going to give up to get you that aloe sweatsuit, because that's the only way they're going to understand it. Instead of just like mom and dad are the money tree.
- [37:30]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Louder for the people in the back. People are literally cashing out their retirements to send their kids to a $100,000 a year college. I'm, I'm sorry. I think that if college came around tomorrow and said, today we're going to be $200,000 a year, we would just figure like that's how desperate. Because it's such an emotional decision, right? That 18 year old going off to college, $100,000, $200,000, 30,000. It doesn't mean anything to them. They're like, I have to Go to this school. And now with social media, thank God there wasn't even social media when I was going to college and picking schools. But now kids are choosing their colleges based on how fun people are having on social media. And it just happens that these are the schools that are like $100,000 a year. And so it's really hard to say no, especially like a four year investment. But my parents were like, sorry, sorry, crush my Ivy League dreams.
- [38:30]
Randy Crawford
Or even just loved your story about Penn State.
- [38:33]
Farnoosh Tarabi
It was, it was like the, literally, I think to this day it was one of the best, one of the few, best financial decisions I made early in my life. And it wasn't, it was forced. My parents were like, they're like, you can, you can go to these schools, but I don't know how you're going to pay for them. And we're not helping you out. And we don't recommend student loans. Even though all my teachers, all my guidance counselors, they were like, student loans, yay. And they're like, that doesn't make any sense. And that was before college was as expensive as it is today. So Penn State was really the. Was it?
- [39:10]
Randy Crawford
But what bothers me though today, Parnous, is that I don't care what college you send your kids to, we're taking most of that experience away from them. Because like, I feel like today I just talked about this with someone. I think the college decision is a very different decision today because with AI, it's changed everything. And we don't know the ROI coming out of school with AI and what it's taking over. Like back in the day I got a liberal arts education with a psychology major, or actually economics and psychology. Can you imagine? Today I would say to my kids, no way are we going that general if I'm paying for you to go to school. And we no longer know what that's going to look like with AI taking over so many jobs. Like you need to be dialed in. I'm going computer science, I'm learning AI because it's a whole new world that they're going into. And you're paying so much money, what are you getting out of it? I mean, I just watched like I was talking about my son. I can't tell you how many months of interviews he went to. And he went to the business school at uw, graduated high in his class. That was not easy getting a job. And I'm watching all sorts of kids struggle to get jobs today. So they need to really think the college decision through and not Just do it. Because everyone else is doing it on the gram. Or the parents can be like, oh, my kid's a Princeton Tiger.
- [40:25]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Woo.
- [40:25]
Randy Crawford
No.
- [40:28]
Farnoosh Tarabi
All right, I want to ask you some rapid fire with your no nonsense responses, okay? Rapid fire questions, but you gotta. I want you to give it me to me straight. If your kid is living with you home after college, should you charge your child rent?
- [40:42]
Randy Crawford
The answer is yes and I'm going to tell you why. Charge it, save it and give it back to them when they move out.
- [40:48]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Right on. Should parents co sign loans for their kids?
- [40:52]
Randy Crawford
They have to. I just did it. So I'm going to go with if you want to live in New York, that you have to.
- [40:58]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Huh? Helping your kid with rent, temporary help.
- [41:02]
Randy Crawford
Or slippery slope Again, very slippery slope because you know, it gets a little bit too comfortable. Rents are really high. So I either suggest start living at home at first, if you can, or find a place that you can afford.
- [41:16]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Is it ever okay to let your kids know that you're in some financial stress or you're feeling financial pressure?
- [41:22]
Randy Crawford
My thought is that you never discuss your finances with your kids. However, they do understand that every time you do something for them, there is a trade off. I don't ever discuss finances, what we have with our kids. However, if they want to just do all these crazy things, I'll be like, we're going to do that. Then this is what we're not going to do. So they'll be like, they've actually said to me in the past, so are we in trouble? And I'm like, we're not in trouble, but we're thinking, making very intentional choices.
- [41:47]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Like if you lost your job and you had to obviously cut back on things, would there be a conversation about that in the house?
- [41:54]
Randy Crawford
Yeah, absolutely.
- [41:56]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Allowance. Allowance. Is this because this can be like allowance for chores. Now chores are chores. Like making your bed is not. You don't get a check for that, you don't get money for that. But other things.
- [42:08]
Randy Crawford
Maybe I'm a bad person. I was thinking about this before this interview. We never did give our kids money for chores, but if they wanted something. Our kids did both work in high school, so if they wanted something extra, they paid for it. Because yes, making your bed is not a chore. That's part of, that's just part of some basic grooming and like adulting along the way. Values. How do you feel about your space and where you live?
- [42:31]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yeah, all right. I'm trying to think what I think those were all my rapid fire questions. I ran out of steam.
- [42:37]
Randy Crawford
I get scared. I'm like, what am I going to say?
- [42:40]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Sorry, I'm nervous. Again, sticking with these kids who live at home with their parents, what are the other important boundaries for parents to set? This has become such the norm and I don't want to, I don't want to make anyone feel bad for doing this. I think back when I was this college student and somebody was like, I'm going to go home after college. It was like, oh really? But then they'd say, oh, but I'm going to be strategic about it. I'm going to work, but I'm going to save my money. And then I'll. These were the kids who bought houses before they were 25. Because imagine saving 80% of your paycheck because you're living at home with mom and dad. So I love that. I love that. If you can utilize staying at home as a strategic way to advance your financial life. But at the same time, don't mooch off your parents either.
- [43:26]
Randy Crawford
Listen, this is an interesting one. I don't think people should feel bad at all for living at home. However. There is a however because I do work with a lot of girls who did graduate and do live at home. The comedy is they live at home to save the money. However, they're getting Sephora delivered to their house twice a week and doordashes and the Starbucks deliveries and whatnot. Again, that's not the parents decision. Right? They're making the money. That's how they're spending their money. But I definitely think there needs to be boundaries when kids live at home because we've just gotten away from some basic respect. Farnoosh. Like some basic. I again, I'm just gonna say I once did a thing on like teachers saying they knew kids were like quote unquote rude kids when they didn't say please and thank you. And I said please and thank you are some basic, like basic respect. That's a non starter that conversation. You would not believe the pushback I got on that. We don't teach our kids those social constructs. That's just not how it works in our house. Yes, yes, that's what I'm just telling you.
- [44:24]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yesterday I driving in the car with my kids, I was like, they're 8 and 11. I said, you want to know the keys to your kingdom right now? Please. Thank you. Looking adults straight in the eye when you say please. Thank you and hello and goodbye. And it's like the little things but. And they're like, we know Mom, I'm like, no, I am repeating this because I have not seen this consistently enough. And I will keep on keeping on. And at this age, it's. What are they gonna learn? This is not something that. And I know if you have a shy kid, it's hard, but, like, you have to just drill. Like, this is easy.
- [44:57]
BetterHelp Ad Voice
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- [44:57]
Farnoosh Tarabi
And I bet I pitched it as you do this like, red carpet out for you all the time. Because so few kids actually do this that if you're the kid that's saying please, thank you, and meaning it, and being, like, in the moment with them and saying that, oh, my gosh, you.
- [45:13]
Randy Crawford
Really are an outlier and you stand out. There's nothing more, I think, that a parent wants than to hear from their school or their friends, parents and whatever. God, your kid is so wonderful. I love being around them. They make me feel good. I don't need them calling and telling me, like, your kid cleaned up my whole house. But for somebody to call me and tell me my child just made them feel amazing. And they're so polite. Things like, that's what we want are these young adults to go into the world and know how they make other people feel is so important. You are no better than anybody else. We are all, like, equal. And so we want to raise our kid. That's why I believe that these videos that these girls post and all these. Look at me and all my money. It's like a knife in my gut. Varnish. Because it's like a way of saying, look what I have and what you don't have, and it's disgusting. But my value system, maybe not somebody else's. But are we not all just. What are you gonna do without that money buying you all of your stuff? And so I think that when your kids live at home, it's so important to just instill the values and the kindness and again, whatever your values are, the cleanliness and, yeah, if they're gonna live with you and they're 24, 25, 26, that's fine. But then contribute to family meals. Contribute to things like, if your mom asks you, will you go do something for me? Go do it. Go do it and be grateful that you're doing it. Like that kind of an attitude versus, listen, this is my home. I grew up in this home. And whatever. No, things have shifted. And I want to see some responsibility and absolutely. With the rent charging, because then you get to save it, give it back to them, and boom, it's a win. Win.
- [46:50]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Yeah. I like the idea of for Every dollar you save while you live with us, we'll also save for you a dollar up to I don't know or whatever it is up to a certain amount and then we'll help you use that towards specifically your first apartment as your down payment. Have a plan? Have an exit strategy?
- [47:08]
Randy Crawford
Yes, exactly.
- [47:11]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Randi, thank you so much. This was. I could talk to you forever but let us know where we can find you. I know you are the go to right now for a lot of this advice on Instagram and TikTok and you give so much advice through your one on one coaching Randy Crawford. Tell us where we can get more of you.
- [47:28]
Randy Crawford
It's so easy. On my website is just Randy Crawford coaching and my TikTok and Instagram is Randy Crawfordcoaching Randy with an I. And it's fun. I'll tell you something Farnoosh, what I learned and I was telling this to Suzanne on TikTok. I get a lot more engagement when I. Not when I actually tell people, but when I ask people how they do it because it's a very different response because nobody today wants to be told what to do. Like they know they need to be and they know that this generation of kids is much more anxious, has mental health issues, is going through a lot of problems and issues but nobody wants to say this is why it's happening. They don't want to hear that. But if you pose a question and ask them like why do you think X, Y and Z is happening? There's a lot of really great engagement and a lot of conversation, especially on my TikTok account. But they can go to Randy Crawford coaching and sign up and get a free session so we can just see if we could work together. I love it. There is nothing more that I love than helping families just really navigate this world, build their self esteem and realize that every single person deserves to be here and deserves to do whatever the hell they want to be doing and just stop watching other people and what they're doing and get out there and do it yourself.
- [48:37]
Farnoosh Tarabi
I love that you work with the generations. I love that you bring the mothers and the daughters together. It is so important and I wish I could clone you and I know you have a book coming out. I'm going to manifest this for you as well. But I know you're working on a book too and you work with. You mentioned Suzanne. She was my book. My really my book therapist and my book. And I know you're working with her too. So you are in very good hands. And we look forward to having you back when that is out in the world and before that too, because we know we need you all the time.
- [49:07]
Randy Crawford
Thank you so much.
- [49:11]
Farnoosh Tarabi
Thanks so much to Randy Crawford for joining us. You can learn more about her work@randy crawfordcoaching.com I'll see you back here on Friday for AskFarnouche. And I hope your day is so Money.
- [49:36]
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