1944: Ask Farnooosh: Birthday Money Truths, Market Warnings and Relationship Finance

Summary

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So Money with Farnoosh Torabi

Episode 1944: Ask Farnoosh — Birthday Money Truths, Market Warnings, and Relationship Finance
Release Date: February 13, 2026
Host: Farnoosh Torabi

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Overview

In this special Friday the 13th "Ask Farnoosh" episode, Farnoosh Torabi celebrates her upcoming 46th birthday by sharing key financial truths and life lessons learned across her career and personal journey. She debunks financial superstitions, offers timely guidance on the housing and stock markets, answers listener questions on credit card negotiation and relationship finance, and underscores the importance of transparency and agency with money—especially for women and couples.

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Main Financial Truths at 46

(Birthday Reflections and Lessons: 04:33 – 17:58)

Farnoosh shares "four to six" core money lessons that have become especially clear as she turns 46, blending personal anecdotes with practical advice:

1. Options are the Best Wealth Money Can Buy

"The best thing that your money can buy you is options. And I'm not talking stock options. I'm talking optionality—choice."
— Farnoosh Torabi (06:07)

• Wealth isn’t about luxury or status but about having the ability and freedom to make life choices—whether that's career changes, leaving unhealthy situations, or simply having the agency to rest, pivot, or start anew.
• Safety, flexibility, and control, not specific dollar amounts, are the real markers of being "well off."

2. Investing Early is a Superpower

“Investing early is not just a nice thing, it's actually a superpower in your financial life.”
— Farnoosh Torabi (07:30)

• Farnoosh credits an old HR colleague, Mary Espinal, for inspiring her to enroll early in her employer's 401(k), even with limited funds.
• The act of starting to invest—even small amounts—unlocks time and compounding, which are decisive in wealth-building.
• Relatable quote: "You don’t have to be wealthy to invest, but you have to invest to be wealthy." (10:35)

3. A Partner is Not a Financial Plan

“One person’s income, dominating your ability to make decisions, feel in control of your life. Not safe, not sustainable.”
— Farnoosh Torabi (12:28)

• Observing women in her community who became financially vulnerable after divorce, illness, or widowhood, Farnoosh stresses the necessity of financial independence and transparency—even within partnerships.
• Addresses the resurging "tradwife" trend and cautions that relying on a partner financially is not true security or empowerment.

4. Crushing Student Debt is a Systemic Failure—Choose Wisely

• Student debt should not be normalized or accepted as an inevitable burden: “Too many people are starting adulthood already underwater.”
• Advises prospective students and parents to make college and career decisions with long-term financial impact in mind, as the wrong choices can delay independence for years.

5. Money Problems are Often Systemic, Not Personal Failing

“They’re often shaped by forces far beyond individual control… Layoffs, medical costs, housing, economic cycles.”
— Farnoosh Torabi (16:03)

• Encourages self-compassion, rejecting the culture of self-blame for financial hardship. Many factors are systemic and out of individual control.
• “Don’t shame yourself over your financial problems. Instead, focus on gaining clarity, have compassion for yourself, get some information, get some help. Know that you’re not alone.” (16:10)

6. Fear as Financial Guidance, Not Weakness

“Financial fear is not weakness, it's information. It is, in many ways, protection… When you handle it thoughtfully, fear becomes preparation and motivation, not paralysis.”
— Farnoosh Torabi (23:23)

• Farnoosh reframes financial fear as a tool for growth and preparation rather than something to eliminate or ignore, highlighting wisdom from her latest book.
• Emphasizes listening to fear as constructive feedback on where your life or finances need attention.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Superstition & Money Taboo:
  “If [talking about money] brought bad luck, this show would be very unlucky. But the reality is obviously the opposite. Silence around money is what creates stress and conflict and confusion and missed opportunities.” (03:17)

• On Tradwife Trend:
  “I’m going to say it louder for the trad wives in the back… Not safe, not sustainable.” (12:28)

• Investing Early:
  "Find your Mary, listen to your Mary. Mary is the symbolic person who knows more, is a little bit further along and will teach you, will show you the way to investing.” (09:36)

• On Financial Honesty with Age:
  “I don’t feel older so much as more honest these days. Not afraid of telling someone the truth about how either they're making me feel or how I have a different opinion than them.” (25:03)

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Listener Q&A Highlights

Negotiating Credit Card Rates and Fees

(35:32 – 38:58)

Q: How do I negotiate with credit card companies to reduce interest rates or fees?

• Yes, you can often negotiate reduced interest rates or waived annual fees—especially if you’re a customer in good standing and have been with the company for several years.
• Farnoosh recommends using chatbots over phone calls for efficiency.
• Leverage competing credit card offers you’ve received as negotiation tools.
• Ask about “retention offers” (e.g., waived fees, bonus rewards) if you are considering closing your card.

Quote:

"They're not going to just offer you things willy-nilly. You got to go in and actually call it out… jog their memory of what is available." (37:21)

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Couples & Money — Moving In, Shared Home, and Openness

(38:58 – 44:54)

Q: We just moved in and bought a house in my boyfriend’s name while I focus on student loans. How do we have ‘the big’ financial conversation?

• Start by sharing individual and joint goals, both short and long-term.
• Clarify home ownership details—how equity, contributions (even if just home improvements or utilities), and any future sale proceeds would be shared.
• Consider a cohabitation agreement (if unmarried) or postnuptial (if married) to formalize financial understandings.
• Go beyond numbers: discuss each partner’s financial upbringing, expectations, and any money anxieties or baggage.
• Make it ongoing, positive—regular “money dates” are encouraged.

Quote:

“Intimacy includes financial intimacy… and actually experts in couples and money, they recommend that we talk about our childhoods, our pasts, our financial memories, growing up.” (42:20)

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Married Couples Transitioning to Separate Accounts

(45:45 – 50:46)

Q: After 25 years of merged finances, how do I introduce separate accounts?

• The “how” doesn’t matter nearly as much as the “why”—the foundation should be trust, strong communication, and transparency.
• Having shared dashboards (like the Empower app Farnoosh uses) keeps both partners informed.
• Separate accounts can foster autonomy and reduce spending conflicts: assign a set amount from the joint account, transferred regularly, for each person’s personal use.
• Flexibility and mutual respect are more important than any particular setup.

Quote:

“If your foundation isn’t solid… then it doesn’t matter what your financial bucket system is, your savings bucket system is. It’s not going to work.” (46:39)

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Timely Money Headlines & Market Updates

(29:15 – 33:29)

• Housing Market: Existing US home sales dropped to a 2-year low, mostly due to continued supply constraints even as affordability shows minor improvement.
• Stock Market Concentration: The S&P 500 and broad market index funds have become tech-heavy and less diversified, amplifying downsides when large companies falter.
• Advice: Now, more than ever, diversify: add bonds, international funds, and cash to your portfolio for stability.

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Additional Insights

• On Getting Comfortable Self-Advocating:
  Farnoosh emphasizes especially to young women and early career professionals—don’t shy from “name-dropping” or promoting your strengths in interviews. “No one else is going to be in that room talking you up but you.” (26:46)

• The Importance of Money Conversations:
  “Make it fun. Make it regular. You've heard of money dates, probably… Put it in your joint calendar.” (44:55)

• Real-Life Recommendations:
  Shares personal anecdotes, like contemplating an LED light therapy face mask for skin health, as part of being honest about real life at 46.

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Resource Links

• Investing Blueprint (free): somoneypodcast.com
• Empower App (for financial transparency with partner)
• Book: “A Healthy State of Panic” by Farnoosh Torabi

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Episode Structure

• Superstitions and Birthday Reflection (02:11 – 04:33)
• Six Financial Truths (04:33 – 17:58)
• Listener Q&A (Credit Cards, Couples’ Finances) (29:13 – 50:52)
• Current Events: Housing & Stock Markets (29:13 – 33:29)
• Recap of the Week’s Podcast Guests: Andy Hill (31:31), Dr. Emily Garbinski (28:35)
• Closing Wisdom & Personal Anecdotes (50:52 – 51:48)

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Farnoosh’s Birthday Wisdom

“These are my truths, my financial truths, that are very clear to me at 46… Not perfect wisdom, just lived experience.”
— Farnoosh Torabi (24:35)

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This episode is a reflection on money, milestones, and meaningful choices—told with warmth, candor, and actionable advice for listeners at any stage of their financial journey.

Transcript

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

So Money Episode 1944 Ask Farnoosh.

[So Money Podcast Intro Voice]

You're listening to so Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Kharabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business minds, authors, influencers and from Farnoosh yourself. Looking for ways to save on gas or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to Sew Money.

[Ad Voice (Quince, Function, Shopify)]

Welcome to Sew Money everyone.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I'm Farnoosh Tarabi and today is Friday the 13th, which makes me curious. Are you superstitious? I wouldn't say I am exactly, but I did grow up in a home where there were these little signs and rituals that mattered.

[Ad Voice (Quince, Function, Shopify)]

One of my mom's beliefs, and she.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Grew up super superstitious, was that if somebody sneezed twice in a row right before leaving the house, or making a decision about something like leaving a job, taking a job, having a tough conversation with a friend, if you sneezed twice in a row, it meant you should pause. Just wait a few minutes, reflect, let things settle. Don't rush into it. Imagine if you sneeze three times or you had an allergic reaction or something like oh my God, my mother would strap you into the house, never let you leave. So that has me thinking I Looked up what are some common financial superstitions. And one of the most persistent that I discovered is this, and I'll.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

I'll be curious to know what you think about it.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Is that talking about money brings bad luck. Who and what culture? Maybe our culture here in America made this a thing. If that were actually true, then let's be honest. This show would be very unlucky. My whole life would be very unlucky. But the reality is obviously the opposite. And the truth is, silence around money is what creates stress and conflict and confusion and missed opportunities.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Right.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Conversation is what breaks you open and creates clarity. Some people believe a red wallet attracts wealth. A red wallet. Others will keep a lucky coin or a bay leaf inside their wallets for good luck. Some say that an empty wallet invites hardship, so don't leave your wallet empty. Or that if you do have bills in your wallet, they have to all face the same direction, and that will lead to financial order in your life. I remember interviewing Nate Berkus, who's the famous home designer on the show years and years ago. Maybe I'll replay that for us. It was a wonderful conversation. And his relationship to money was.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Wow.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I mean, I always ask my guests about their relationship to money, and they always paused. And Nate gave an incredible answer. He said, you know, my relationship to money is full of respect. And he would talk about how when he would first earn money, he was so grateful that he would iron his dollar bills.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

What?

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I'm gonna have to pull that episode, and maybe I'll replay it next week, because that's something, right? Ironing your dollar bills. So that not here to judge, but just here to share some lucky charms and also want to share something very personal. So it's Friday, February 13th, which means it's T minus two days until my birthday. It's my birthday weekend. I'm turning 46. So in honor of that, I'm gonna give you 46 lessons. No, I'm kidding. No, I wouldn't do that to you. This is not a documentary. However, I was thinking I can give you four, two, six lessons. Money lessons about money or truths about money that I feel like right now, in my era of I have a lot of clarity around, and these are financial truths that maybe I didn't realize right away. In some cases, I did realize them early on, and then they proved themselves over and over again. So really want to share them. And by the way, I know you didn't ask for this. It's an ask for anoosh. I know you didn't ask for this, but tough birthdays have a way of making me share overshare. So without further ado, financial lessons. Four to six of them in my 46 years. One the best thing that your money can buy you is options. And I'm not talking stock options. I'm talking optionality choice. When we're younger, we often think that having money and being well off is about lifestyle, like where you live, the trips you take, the visible markers of success. But over time, I've learned that what matters most is very simple, much more profound. And it's that money earns you options. Money in the bank gives you choice. And it's the choice to leave a bad relationship, a bad job, just any kind of situation that's not a good fit for you anymore. Options to take care of your health or your family in ways that you wouldn't be able to. Options to do nothing, rest, or to accelerate, to pivot, to start over, to say no. These are things that feel very simple.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

But we have to be able to.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Afford these things most often in life. They don't just happen on their own. And so for me, I feel like real wealth is feeling like you have freedom to choose, and that's really the safety net. It's not about having a specific dollar amount. I can't say what that would be, but whatever affords you flexibility and control over your time and agency over your life. Gosh, the older I get, the more I see that this is the thing. It's not about the stuff you have, the trips you take. Those are all nice things, and I'm lucky to have nice things. But it's really the ability to say, you know what? This isn't working out for me right now and I'm going to change. I'm going to change things up and I have the financial Runway to proceed as I choose. Lesson 2 I think I have about 6 investing early is not just a nice thing, it's actually a superpower in your financial life. It is the sharpest tool in your arsenal. We just talked about options. If that's a destination to have more options in your life, then investing is how you're going to really get there. And time to invest is the engine that gets you there. Investing early. I started investing into my early 20s and I don't know if I share this with y'.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

All.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I meant to post this online.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

I actually took a photograph.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I was at New York One News, my very first job where I had a 401K. I returned to there a couple of Weeks ago. And as I was doing a media hit, I did a news hit with the anchor there. And as I was leaving, I stopped in the bathroom and I was washing my hands. A woman walked in and she looked really familiar. I worked there for a few years, but it's been like, I don't know, 20 years since I worked there. This woman said, hey, farnoo. She probably don't remember me, but I'm Mary. And I go, mary Espinal. I knew exactly who she was. She looked younger than I remembered. And I said, mary, hold up. Okay, this is so surreal because I feel like I have been thinking about you all month. And the truth was, all of January, I was teaching an investing workshop to the Entrepreneur organization. And as I'm telling my audience about investing, I bring up this story about Mary. She's always a big part of my investing journey because she worked in human resources at the time when I was at New York 1 and introduced me and encouraged me to, to invest in the company 401K, which had a match. And I was like, well, I've got student loans, Mary, slow your roll. I gotta pay rent, I gotta eat and like, you know, pay for my. Whatever I had at the time, my Motorola razor. And she's like, listen, just do 3%, 4% of your paycheck. It's gonna be matched. And if you can't do it, if it starts to hurt, you can always dial it down. And I never did. I did opt in and I never dialed it down. And I always credit her. I always say, you gotta in everyone's life, find your Mary, listen to your Mary. Mary is the symbolic person who knows more, is a little bit further along and will teach you, will show you the way to investing. She really jump started my financial life. And she had no clue until this meeting, this chance meeting in the bathroom.

[Ad Voice (Quince, Function, Shopify)]

A couple weeks ago in New York 1.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

By the way, she still works there.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I can't even imagine what her 401k must look like with all those matches, all those years. Anyway, we took a photo. I'm also going to share that next week. So what do I have to do now? Next week I have to share Nate Burkus. I have to share the photograph of Mary Espinal. So many throwbacks. But back to this lesson. Investing early is a superpower. Every year that you delay investing, and I don't want to scare you because some of y' all I know haven't started investing. But even just a little bit. $100 a month, $10 a day. Every day that you don't invest is a day that compounding is not helping you. And I know it can be intimidating to start, but like I said, you don't have to start with all the riches. You can start with $10 a day. My one of my favorite quotes is that you don't have to be wealthy to invest, but you have to invest to be wealthy. Okay, lesson number three, a partner is not a financial plan. This is a lesson I learned very early. Watching my parents argue about money all the time and watching my mother's friends, girlfriends rely on their partners, their husbands for the most part. And in some cases their husbands would leave or unexpectedly get sick or die and they would be left extremely vulnerable, not even knowing how to pay the mortgage because they didn't even know what the name of the bank was, let alone how to log in to pay the mortgage. And that was not just like a 50 year ago situation, a 40 year ago scenario. This is still we're in a world now. We're still women are seeking that man with a plan to help them pay for everything. And I, I'm going to say it louder for the trad wives in the back, although I don't think any trad wives listen to my podcast Tradwives, meaning the traditional wives, that whole thing on social media, these women who preach subservience to their male husbands and just leaning into his dominance and including his financial dominance. And I think it's terrifying that we're still like talking about this and that, not just talking about it, but like putting that on a pedestal on social media of all places. So I will say it again and if you know someone who is considering having a partner as a plan, let them know that, gosh, nothing feels better than spending your own money. Sure, it's nice to get treated and it's nice to know that there is like another income stream in the household to diversify and fall back on. Potentially two is better than one sometimes, but one person's income and then that person's income. Dominating your ability to make decisions, feel in control of your life. Not safe, not sustainable. Your financial security still needs to have your name on it. Even if you're a stay at home parent. We've talked about this so many times on the show. If you're not working outside of the home, earning a paycheck, you at least need to have transparency regarding everything that's going on in your household financial life, having access to that stuff and understanding of that stuff, not because you're going to Expect the worst. But because independence is part of a real relationship. Two people choosing each other, not relying on one another for survival. All right, lesson four. Crushing student loan debt is more than a burden, it's a systemic failure. Too many people are starting adulthood already underwater. And for what reason? Because they took out a hundred thousand dollars or more to graduate from college to study a basic education. Look, if you're going to medical school or law school or you're getting your PhD, even then I would say shop around. It's just too much of a burden. And if there's a lesson here, it's don't do it. Don't not go to college, but choose wisely. Choose financially wisely. We're gonna spend some more time on this as the year continues because I know many students, seniors, are choosing college right now for the fall. And, and it is a huge financial pivot point in a young person's life where you go to college. It's not just going to determine the network that you create and the things that you learn and the life experiences that you have, but it's also going to define your financial life, at least for the next 15 years. If you don't take on debt versus you do take on a lot of debt, which then becomes a burden, which means you can't really be independent from your parents for many years. You can't afford your own nice things. You can't buy a home if you want to. You can't start a business if you want to, buy your own car if you want to. This is where people are right now who are saddled with student loan debt. And I wish we had a time machine and we could go back in time and I could say, you know what, go to a different school, you have other options. I'm pretty sure of it. And speaking of financial setbacks, lesson five. A lot of times our money problems, our financial setbacks, they feel very personal to us. But what I've learned many times over is that they're often shaped by forces far beyond individual control, right? Layoffs, medical costs in this country, which are soaring. Housing markets which we can't control. Caregiving costs, forget about it. And of course, economic cycles. There's a recession. Historically there has been a recession every six, seven years. So don't shame yourself over your financial problems. Instead, focus on gaining clarity. Have compassion for yourself. Get some information, get some help. Know that you're not alone. When I was first starting out in personal finance, there was a lot of self blame. People love to point fingers at themselves. And others like to point fingers at others. Why did you do this? And oh, you shouldn't have done that and you're spending too much and you're not making smart choices with your money and oh my gosh, you're making a hundred thousand dollars a year and you still can't live in New York City on your own in your own apartment. No, I can't. It's expensive. Have you been outside? So I'm really happy where we are today and that we've stripped that down and we have let. I think we've gotten to a place where a lot of us know that's not acceptable.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Right?

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

We know that is not cool. And we cannot shame others and ourselves over our financial setbacks.

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Whether I'm wearing it at home or.

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Of those pieces I keep reaching for.

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

All holds up season after season.

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Especially because heart disease runs in my family.

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

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[Farnoosh Tarabi]

And then, last but not least, I had to plug my book here because I'm really proud of it. But not only that, but I know, because you tell me it's a book that has really changed your mind in some incredibly profound ways around this idea of fear, specifically financial fear. That financial fear is not weakness, it's information. It is, in many ways, protection. We're often taught to eliminate fear from our lives. Be fearless.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Go.

It's okay.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

But can I get the manual for that? Because I don't know actually how to be fearless. I'm a woman. I'm a daughter of immigrants, okay? But financial fear, I will say, often carries very useful information. At least it has in my life, and I know it has in yours. Maybe we just haven't been taught how to ingest that information in a way that is healthy. But I'm here to tell you that financial fear, when you really face it and you unpack, will tell you what matters to you in your life. The fear will tell you what in your life actually does feel fragile and what needs attention so that you care for it more. And when you handle it thoughtfully, fear becomes preparation and motivation, not paralysis. So listen to your fear.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

It's what creates progress.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

These are my truths, my financial truths, that are very clear to me at 46, 46 years old. Not perfect wisdom, just lived experience. And I have to say, I don't feel older so much as more honest these days. Not afraid of telling someone the truth about how either they're making me feel or how I have a different opinion than them. I know that it's something that comes with age because I was just talking to a mother last night at a dinner who has a daughter who just graduated college, and she said to me, I just wish. I don't know if it's just my daughter, but I want young women to whatever the word you want to call it, it's not brag, but it's speak up, talk yourself up. Her daughter was going on job interviews, and she felt uncomfortable, like it wasn't appropriate to discuss her strengths and also who she knew in her network that had guided her to that particular interview. Like, I know name dropping is ick, but her mom was trying to train her in saying, we live in a connected world, and the people who rise, the people who break through, are the ones who connect the dots. And if you're in an interview and they're like, so how'd you learn about this job? You might want to say. You can say like, my professor in college has consulted with you, and he recommended me. That's it. You know, it's just like a personal thing, but also substantiates why you're there and reminds them that there is this connection to you. And anyway, it's just being strategic. And I don't blame. I don't want to say young people should know all these things, but I do agree that when you're younger, there is sometimes this discomfort, this shyness.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Right?

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

That is natural. And I want to say the quicker you get rid of that, you know, with humility, there is a. You know, there's a way to do it with humility, but just be your biggest advocate, because no one else is going to be in that room talking.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

You up but you.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

And we live in a competitive world. If you're being honest and you're being true and you're being authentic, lead with that. And anyway, love being 46, I will say that. My friend who's a couple of years older than me, who's got great skin, I was like, tell me your secrets, and I'll tell you what she told me. Okay. I don't know if I'm going to invest in all these things, but she told me that she highly recommends. You're going to laugh. The Dr. Dennis Gross spectral light LED face mask for skin rejuvenation. It's got dual red and blue light therapy. It's FSA HSA eligible, in case you're curious. But it was highly recommended in the.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

New York Times recently as well.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

It's $455, y'.

[Ayoa Kimwale Eri]

All.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I don't know. I don't know. But when you think about a facial being, like 150 bucks, it's three facials, I guess. But this is where I'm at, and I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm thinking about getting one of those creepy hockey masks. That turns red on your face. Where were we this week on so Money. I wanna tell you about this week on so many. Okay, quick recap in case you missed any of our episodes. On Monday, I sat down with Andy Hill, who is a financial coach and the author of a new book called Own youn Time. And we talked about designing life around your time. Not just wealth, not just budgeting, but this idea of like how to actually invest in your life in a way that will allow you to feel like you're really enjoying your life, like having fun. We talked about fun, remember fun actually being intentional about enjoying your life. And you have to afford that, right? So we also talk about how to do that. But really important conversation. Also got into a little bit of this idea of coast financial independence, which we'll be talking about probably next week or the week after that as well. I want to deep dive into it. And because we have Valentine's Day tomorrow, I wanted to do an episode on couples and money. So Wednesday I invited Dr. Emily Garbinski from Cornell University, who's a professor there, to talk about financial relationships, shared money and how couples can navigate earning differences. So she's got some interesting fresh data looking at couples with income disparities and how that impacts their spending decisions. And this is my jam. This is my corner of the financial.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

World where I live and dance.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

And I learned some new things. So you want to go check out that episode? We're going to head to the mailbag really soon. We're going to talk about negotiating credit cards, more couples and money stuff because of the holiday, the Hallmark holiday. Before all that, some quick money headlines, one about housing and one about the markets. US Existing home sales tumbled to their lowest level in more than two years in January. Home sales dropped 8.4% last month to about 3.91 million units, the lowest since December of 2023. That's according to the national association of Realtors. And these sales, by the way, were reflecting contracts that were signed in November and December. They would not have been impacted by the winter storms, for example, that we're still I'm looking at 3ft of snow outside. Home sales dropped 4.4% on a year over year basis. And according to Lawrence Yun, whom I have interviewed on many occasions from the nar, he said that the decrease in sales is disappointing. This is what he told Yahoo. Finance. Affordability conditions are improving due to wage gains outpacing home price growth and mortgage rates being lower than a year ago. Buddy said the supply has not kept pace and remains Quite low. I mean, yeah, that's. That is the thing, right? Like we can, I feel like interest rates, unless they drop to 4%, 3%, we're going to have supply problems. People are not going to give up a 3% mortgage. Where are they going to go? Where are they going to move? Now, also in the New York Times, this is a little bit of an earlier in the year article, but right now the stock market is not doing so well. And so this headline felt very relevant. Again, it says, your safe stock funds may be riskier than you think. This is in the New York Times. The US Stock market has become so concentrated that even broad index funds are no longer well diversified, according to Jeff Sommer. He writes Strategies, a weekly column on markets, finance and the economy. He says even if you've been doing everything right and diversifying your investments as the textbooks suggest, you may be taking greater risk than you realize. I think he's talking about people who are exclusively investing in like the S&P 500, because what we know now is that The S&P 500 comprises of Nvidia, Microsoft, Alphabet, Apple. And these companies have been driving stock returns and they become so valuable that their shares are dwarfing the rest of the market. Good news but bad news is when they're not doing well, they can really tank the US Stock market. The market, the quote unquote market, which is usually the S&P 500, is the benchmark for that. So highly concentrated that even the most comprehensive US Stock index funds like the S and P are no longer well diversified. This is an opinion piece by Jeff Sommer. But we have also heard this echoed on the so Money podcast.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Right.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

We had on Amanda Holden. She's an investing educator. Her book is called how to Be a Rich Old Lady. Brilliant book, made the USA Today best sellers list. But she was also very cautionary insofar as if you're exclusively investing in a broad market index fund like the S and P, spider, whatever they're called, that you might want to add some more to the mix. Things like bonds, things like cash, things like international stock market funds. Just because to her point and to this writer's point in the New York Times, and this again, I've heard from many people in the industry that The S&P 500, the US stock market index funds have gotten too concentrated with the presence of these tech stocks that have become super, super high valued. I guess good news again, you've been riding the market for many years.

[Ad Voice (Quince, Function, Shopify)]

You've done well.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

But going into the next chapter of the stock market tbd. And if you were watching the markets this week, you saw how volatile things were, again, led by these tech shares, including not just the ones I mentioned, but also Amazon and Meta and Tesla. So the advice is to spread your risk. Again, make sure you're also invested in bonds, hold onto some cash, also some international stock funds. If you go to somanypodcast.com I've got a free investing blueprint right there on the homepage. If you're curious to learn how I invest and how to invest in in up markets, down markets, you can download it somoneypodcast.com all right, let's hit the mailbag. This week we have questions about love and money, but I want to start with a question about credit card companies and how to negotiate with them. We have a listener who wants to know how to do it, whether it's reducing your interest rate or lowering your fees. She says, I pay an annual fee. I don't feel like I get a lot of value. So how do I fix that problem? So firstly, you can absolutely negotiate with credit card companies. And I've often found success in the chatbot as opposed to calling. If you're kind of not into talking on the phone, which requires undivided attention in most cases, and it takes time, it feels like it's a drag, you know, wait, please. This call will be monitored and then you're like 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes of elevator music with chatbots, which they encourage now because they can just scale that more and they're more likely to help you quicker. And usually you can make a lot of progress there. You can negotiate whether it's to lower your interest rate, eliminate that annual fee, or just get more value. Firstly, if you have been with this credit card company for at least a couple of years, you've been paying your bills on time. You're like a standout candidate for negotiation if you just opened the account. Probably not the right time to be asking for concessions. Maybe still ask, I don't know, can't hurt. But you're probably in a better situation. If you're a customer in good standing, ask for a lower apr, for starters, interest rate. If you're carrying that balance every month, as opposed to paying it off in full, you want a card with as low of an interest rate as possible. They will often reduce your rate. Credit card companies, if you have good credit, something in the seven hundreds out of 850, they want to see that you again have been paying your bills on time consistently. If they're resistant, you could say. It's interesting because I've been looking at some of these other offers from credit card issuers I've been getting in the mail. They've already qualified me and in some cases 0% APR. So what you think about that and just leave the ball in their court, see what they say. You could ask them for a temporary or permanent APR reduction, 1 or the other. Because honestly, even just a few percentage points knocked off your interest rate can save you hundreds of dollars per year. Now imagine you get maybe 0% APR for six months and then you use that six months to pay off the bill, the entire balance. You save a substantial amount of money. If you feel like the fee is unjustified, you do have leverage and I would again, you can go to the.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Chatbot or you can call and ask.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Directly and say can you please waive the annual fee this year? You can ask to see if there's a retention offer available. A retention offer is basically an incentive that a company gives you to keep you as a customer when it looks like you might ditch the company. You might cancel, you might downgrade, you might switch over to a competitor. A retention offer might be an annual fee waived or refunded, maybe bonus points or cash back, maybe low interest APR statement, credit perks, product downgrade with no fee. Companies do this because it's costlier for them to acquire a new customer. Think about all those mailers they have to send out than to just keep you happy. How many trees they have to kill, right to get a customer, how much money they have to spend on advertisement to get and retain customers when they can just keep their existing customers happy. And you could just say, hey, I've been a loyal customer. I'm reviewing my accounts because of the annual fee. But before I decide whether to keep or close the card, I wanted to see if you had any retention offers operative term available like a fee waiver, bonus, rewards or a lower interest rate. Because I'd really love to continue using the card and that's really the thing you want to be persuasive. And I think maybe I should have put this in my four to six financial rules, financial lessons. But ask for what you want. They're not going to just offer you things willy nilly. You got to go in and actually call it out. Say the thing I want this. Or how about these things, jog their memory of what is available, let them know you've done the research. Because otherwise they might leave out a few perks, leave out a few things. This question from Melannie is the following. I recently moved in with my boyfriend Farnoosh.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

We've been dating for a few years.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

And I've spent a lot of time in a long distance relationship while I finished law school.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

We recently bought a house which is in his name.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

That's fine because my debt priority is.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Geared towards student loans, but we need to really sit down and have a big financial conversation.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

We have dabbled in finances and I've always been transparent with my situation and.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

My goals, but he is a bit more reserved. What topics do you find encourage people to be more open and aware of the importance of being so money. Thank you and keep up the amazing work.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

All right, Melannie and anyone else listening.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Who'S interested about my answer here?

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Moving in together and buying a house together.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

These are really big steps and it's great to hear that you're prioritizing having a big financial conversation with your partner. Hopefully there is no pushback when you suggest having a conversation. I'm going to assume that's not going to be a big hurdle for the two of you since you've already shared in some big financial moves like buying a home together. Moving in together. But before you get into the finances, my advice for all couples in the beginning is to just start talking about your shared goals. This way you can quickly get on the same page because by now you're probably if you've made it this far, you have a lot of alignment with how you envision your future together as.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Well as like just the next month together.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

But how do you see yourself in the next year to 10 years? Really map it out. Get specific. What are your individual and your shared priorities? Do you want to transition to a bigger home one day?

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Do you want to start a family?

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Do you want to travel? Do you want to retire early? Getting clear on your goals ensures you're going to get clear on your financial roadmap to hit those goals. I do want to take a minute here and discuss the house. The house is not in your name.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I understand that you want to focus.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

On paying back your debt, so that may mean that you're not paying towards the mortgage. I get that. But do you know what would happen if you sold this house? Would you get any cut of the equity? You want to establish clarity around how equity and contributions are going to be handled. This is especially important if you do at one point end up contributing to the mortgage or the property taxes or even just the home improvements. If you use your money to help pay for A kitchen renovation and then.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

You go to sell the house.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

You should have access to the profits. So when you discuss money with your partner, in the beginning, I want you to talk about the house. How are you going to share the costs of the home? Will your contributions, like paying for the utilities or the home maintenance or the paint, be acknowledged as part of building equity? Even though your name is not on the title? If you split up, how will the home equity be divided? Would he buy out your contributions or compensate you fairly? This is where maybe having a post nuptial agreement if you're married later, or a cohabitation agreement now to help formalize these arrangements would be instrumental. If you're planning to stay unmarried for now, a cohabitation agreement is a great option. It outlines how assets and contributions will get handled while you're living together in case you break up. And that's great that you've been really transparent about. Sounds like a lot. Your student loans especially. I would encourage him to share more about his financial picture as well. Money conversations are a two way street.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

They can be intimidating.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

But you're modeling great behavior and you're.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Showing him the importance of speaking freely about these things. Intimacy includes financial intimacy and frame it as a judgment free zone.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

And actually experts in couples and money, they recommend that we talk about our childhoods, our pasts, our financial memories, growing up. Because all of that is really important context. And if you haven't had that conversation with your partner, maybe that's what you do. After you talk about goals, you talk about how did you grow up around money? What are your expectations around what money can afford you and what kind of lifestyle you want and what debt means to you? I know you have student loans. How does he feel about your student loans? Are there any financial stressors or worries that you're both carrying into this relationship potentially because of trauma? This is the stuff you want to explore. It's deep stuff, It's a bit of work, but it's important. It's a good investment of your time. Tactically speaking.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

I think it's also important to have a conversation, maybe it's separate, about your expenses.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

How are you going to share in these expenses? As cohabitants living together and managing a.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Home, There's a whole bunch of new financial responsibilities.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

How are you going to split them? What feels equitable based on your financial realities? If you have student loans and he doesn't, if you make more or less, how does that play into who pays for what and how you're going to split the Expenses. Will it be 50, 50 or based on income? I don't have answers to this for you. These are the questions that I would bring into the conversation. And if at any point it does get contentious or you're finding that you're not aligned, take a break. It doesn't mean you're doomed. It doesn't mean you're mismatched. It just means that this is hard stuff. It requires a lot of reflection, and you may not have the answers right away. So agree to come back to it. And there are many people and resources that can support you along the way. A financial planner who you might just hire for a couple of meetings. Someone that you're going to commit to forever and ever. Maybe it's a money coach, maybe it's a financial therapist. Of course, free resources like podcasts and books are also great ways to spark dialogue, get inspired together. And I find that when you incorporate a really good resource into the conversations, it takes some of the pressure off, because you can now refer to a tool, a book, someone else's advice, and talk to that. As opposed to feeling like you're at odds or you're going to enter a disagreement, talk about something you read in the paper that had something to do with money and couples. What did we think about it? What did we agree with? What did we disagree with?

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Like I said, this isn't going to.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Be one conversation you're going to have, hopefully several. Make it fun. Make it regular. You've heard of money dates, probably where you can discuss money over coffee or dinner or a bottle of wine. Put it on the calendar. Put it in your joint calendar. By the way, do you have a joint calendar? This is very important.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

When my husband and I got together.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

And we were just boyfriend, girlfriend, and living together, having a shared calendar was so helpful and we still use it. Definitely recommend that it's not a financial tip, but more of a how to just feel more collaborative, really, with your schedules. And again, just to reemphasize, you are.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

Setting a great example, my friend.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

You're being open, you're being proactive.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

You wrote into this show.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Now, with a collaborative approach and a little patience, I know that you'll both end up feeling way better, more empowered about your financial future together and just your future together.

Next up, our friend in the audience wants to know, Farnoosh, how do I transition to have separate accounts in my relationship? I've been married with fully merged finances for many years. 25. 25 years in my case. So just to preface, I don't think this person is getting divorced, this isn't because they're separating, that she wants to have separate accounts. I'm not sure what the motivation is, but it doesn't sound like they are on the precipice of a breakup where in that case it would also make sense to start transitioning to having separate accounts. But I think in this case they're happily married. They just want to find ways to create some more, maybe financial autonomy for each person in the relationship, which I completely, completely advocate for. I think it's so, so important.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

At the end of the day, does.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

It really matter how you're managing your money insofar as the number of accounts or whether you have joint or separate accounts? Honestly, at this point in my career I've seen everything and what I have found is that if your foundation isn't solid, meaning there isn't good communication, you don't have trust, there isn't transparency, then it doesn't matter what your financial bucke system is, your savings buckets system is. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. So before I get into my preferences for how to manage your savings and whether to have a joint account and or separate accounts, I first need to be very clear that you must first work on your communication and the trust and the transparency. There are ways to implement this. In our relationship, we use an app called Empower.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

It's free.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

This level of Empower that we use is free. You get to pool all of your accounts onto one dashboard so both of us can see where our finances are. Jointly, separately, we have multiple accounts, but.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

It'S just a way to stay in.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Touch with the current finances in the relationship. When bills get paid, what are our debt levels for the mortgage, our car payment, etc. There's also an openness to talk about money. I never feel intimidated and vice versa, to talk about money, to talk about what's bothering me or what my goals are. So that has to be there. That layer has to be the first layer. And then from there, I think whatever works for you is going to work best for you. Do what is sustainable.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

If you feel comfortable having everything in.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

One pot, that's fine. But if you ask me, I think.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

That if you're going to do that.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

Also have separate accounts that maybe is connected to the joint account, where every month you're taking a percentage from the joint account to your individual accounts and that way the two of you can go on your separate ways to spend as you wish. So many of the arguments that bubble up in relationships. A lot of the tension that arises in relationships around money has to do with spending. How one couple, how one person in the relationship is spending versus the other. The values don't always align. The spending values. Look, I like to go get my hair done every six weeks. It's a couple hundred dollars for the.

Roots to get colored.

And that's. My husband doesn't have that on his budget.

Okay.

If he's going to come after me for that, we're going to have problems. We don't one. Why? Because, well, we have mutual respect for our spending styles, but also I have my own money and he has his own money and, you know, we don't go around as one mom told me my husband chases me around the house with the credit card statement.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

That's so.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

That's so dehumanizing to me. I don't know about you, but I feel like I want to avoid. I would love for every couple to never have to be in that situation. So, going back to our friend who wants to transition from having a joint account exclusively to having separate accounts, what I would say to you is that, you know, first figure out what is the purpose of this personal account that you're going to design for the two of you, these personal accounts, and how much do you anticipate wanting or needing in your account on a monthly basis? And from there, whatever that number is, you want to create an automatic system that drafts that amount from your joint account to your personal accounts. Logistically, you could choose to bank with the same bank where your joint account is.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

That could be simpler.

[Financial Expert / Co-host]

One website, one dashboard. You've already got the app and you can look at both your joint account and your individual account, perhaps at the same time. So it's not that hard to transition out of having a joint account into separate accounts. But you first need to do the homework of realizing what is going to be the purpose of these individual accounts.

What.

How much do we want to fund in each of these accounts on an ongoing basis and then creating the automations.

To have that work for you? Wishing you all the success and I'm so grateful that you're a part of our community.

[Farnoosh Tarabi]

And that's our show, everybody. Thank you so much for listening, for kicking off my birthday weekend with me. I hope you all have a great Galentine's Day. Valentine's Day. Did you know that I share a birthday with Susan B. Anthony? Shout out to Susan B. Anthony, an American social reformer and women's rights activist. She played a pivotal role in the women's suffrage movement. Born February 15, 1820 in Adams, Massachusetts died at 86 in Rochester, New York. Parents were Lucy and Daniel. Thanks for listening everybody. I will see you back here on Monday President's Day. I hope your weekend is so money.

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