1951: Building Wealth, Legacy and Financial Confidence with Bola Sokunbi

Summary

So Money with Farnoosh Torabi

Episode 1951: Building Wealth, Legacy and Financial Confidence with Bola Sokunbi
Date: March 2, 2026
Guest: Bola Sokunbi, founder of Clever Girl Finance

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on wealth-building, legacy, and cultivating financial confidence, especially among women and those from immigrant backgrounds. Host Farnoosh Torabi welcomes Bola Sokunbi, a six-time bestselling author and founder of Clever Girl Finance, to discuss her new book Clever Girl Millionaire and her personal journey from modest beginnings to financial independence. Their conversation addresses the cultural narratives around money, overcoming scarcity, building wealth intentionally (not quickly), legacy beyond financial assets, and managing familial financial obligations.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Meaning and Mindset of "Millionaire"

• The term "millionaire" often feels out of reach or even uncomfortable, especially for women and those not raised to envision wealth for themselves.
• Bola: "There's a lot of hesitancy, fear, and feeling like it’s so far out of reach… It’s like, how can I think about that big goal when I'm here trying to pay off debt or living paycheck to paycheck?" (12:36)
• She stresses shifting from "Is this possible for me?" to "What can I do to make this possible?"

Tactics for Getting Started:

• Take stock of all income, expenses, and debts.
• Identify opportunities to cut back or increase income (you can only cut back so much).
• Emphasize objectivity: "This is what I can control; this is what I cannot control." (13:50)
• Build habits—consistency in saving matters more than how much you can save in the beginning.

2. Overcoming Uncertainty and Scarcity Mentality

• Both Bola and Farnoosh discuss their families' immigration stories as models for facing uncertainty and discomfort.
• Bola: "We have a choice… What can we do within our control? My mom would tell me her options were to sit here and complain or figure out what she can do to move the needle forward little by little." (19:34)
• Uncertainty often pushes us out of our comfort zones and can be the catalyst for disruption and eventual growth.
• Farnoosh: "We use this word a lot in the business world—disruption… But if you apply that to your personal life, it’s all there. The choice becomes: are you just going to let this ride, or are you going to disrupt and drive this change?" (22:54)

3. Money, Sacrifice, and Building a Foundation

• Bola shares a personal story of saving $100k in three and a half years on a modest salary, illustrating the power of consistent, intentional action—even if it’s as small as depositing a single dollar.
  • Bola: "I drove to the credit union and I put the dollar on the counter and said, 'I want to deposit it.' The teller was like, 'Girl, did you drive all the way here?'…It’s about the consistency." (42:00)
• The main message: legacy and financial confidence are built not in leaps, but through steady incremental actions.

4. The Power and Importance of Legacy

• Legacy is more than money—it's about values, education, and how you impact others.
• Bola: "Legacy, for me, is not just about money… My dad didn’t leave us any trust funds. He left enough to take care of my mom and final words saying, 'I don’t owe anybody anything.' But the legacy was prioritizing education, cutting your coat according to your size, and giving back." (30:16, 31:29)
• Farnoosh: "When we talk about planning your financial life, it’s very important to have a North Star and to think about your why… and money can be a tool for that." (27:18)
• Bola and her family started a scholarship in her father’s hometown, sending 12 children to school—showing you don’t need to be wealthy to make an impact.
  • Bola: "Legacy and impact is not just about money. It’s not about you waiting to be rich to do it." (34:13)

5. Navigating Family Financial Obligations

• In many immigrant and minority communities, supporting relatives is a cultural expectation.
• Bola: "It is assumed. Me and my siblings have inherited some of my dad's obligations… when you have siblings or your siblings have kids, you feel that tug in your heart." (34:58)
• Practical guidance for helping parents/relatives while managing your own needs:
  • Empower parents via reviewing their finances, cutting unnecessary costs, helping them access benefits.
  • Set and communicate clear limits on support to avoid resentment.
  • Bola: "Don’t take it on as a burden and let it slowly kill you. Communicate and come to a common ground." (38:22)

6. Women, Single Mothers, and Wealth Building

• Farnoosh raises the unique pressure facing single mothers as primary earners.
• Bola: "Single and slaying… There's this negative connotation about single mothers trying to build wealth, and I try to reframe that—look at it as a superpower… but build your own buffers, hedge around you, and start putting money away for your future no matter how small." (39:39)
• Small consistent actions create big change over time.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bola (on small habits): "At the beginning stage it’s less about the amount and more about the consistency… when you get that bonus or tax return, you automatically save some of it because it’s now built into who you are." (02:18, repeated at 42:09)
• On familial sacrifice: "My mom was an investment banker in Nigeria… moved here and started working as a nanny. That experience shaped how I think about money, opportunity, and legacy." (04:58, 19:34)
• On legacy: "When you create something that matters and have the financial means tied to it, then you can start making big differences beyond just yourself and your family." (31:29)
• Bola (on financial education): "I want to be able to position my children where they can take care of themselves and figure life out no matter what." (33:03)
• Farnoosh (on hardship): "I'm not going to compare my pain to my parents' pain… But it’s all relative." (25:16)
• Bola (to Farnoosh at show's end): "You just gave me a lifeline when nobody else did, especially in the early days. I am forever grateful to you for your support." (43:07)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 02:09 – Bola’s story of saving and why small amounts matter.
• 09:32 – Introduction to Clever Girl Millionaire and shifting focus to legacy.
• 12:36 – Women’s complicated relationship with the word "millionaire."
• 13:50 – Steps for those just getting by; building from zero.
• 19:34 – Overcoming uncertainty; Bola’s mother’s experience as an immigrant.
• 22:54 – Farnoosh and Bola on embracing discomfort and personal "disruption."
• 29:06–34:33 – Deep dive on legacy: education, family obligations, and giving back.
• 34:58–39:39 – Cultural expectations around supporting relatives; advice for listeners.
• 39:39 – Advice for single mothers and solo breadwinners.
• 42:00 – Anecdote: driving to deposit a single dollar to underscore saving consistency.
• 43:07 – Mutual appreciation between Bola and Farnoosh.

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Final Thoughts

This episode will resonate with anyone striving to build wealth intentionally or to redefine what wealth and legacy mean in their own lives. Bola’s stories emphasize the impact of small, consistent financial habits, the importance of clear values and legacy, and the real emotional realities of supporting family while pursuing financial independence. The conversation is encouraging, practical, and layered with rich personal anecdotes—showing that wealth-building is as much about mindset and intention as it is about numbers.

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Listen to this episode if you:

• Are looking for practical, emotionally attuned financial advice
• Feel daunted by big wealth-building goals
• Face expectations of family support
• Are seeking motivation to define your own financial legacy

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Guest Resources:

• Clever Girl Finance
• Clever Girl Millionaire (Bola’s latest book)

Host:

• Farnoosh Torabi | So Money Podcast

Transcript

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[Farnoosh Torabi]

So Money episode 1951 the Clever Girl is back Bola Sukunbi on building wealth, legacy and financial confidence.

[Advertisement Voice]

You're listening to so Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Torabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business business minds, authors, influencers and from Farnoosh yourself.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Looking for ways to save on gas

[Advertisement Voice]

or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to so money.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Drove to the credit union and I put the dollar in the counter and I said I want to deposit it. The teller was like girl, did you drive all the way here?

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Spent more on gas getting here.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Come on. And I was like, because I'm trying to stay intentional. And the point of that is that small amounts, they add up at the beginning stages is less about the amounts and more about the consistency. So that when you get that bonus, that tax return, that extra money, you automatically save some of it because it's now built into who you are.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

The bank should have been celebrating you. Balloons should have calmed down. Welcome to Sew Money everybody. I'm Farnoosh Tarabi. Happy March. Tomorrow's my daughter's birthday. She's going to turn nine. Magic nine. The last year before double digits. And I decided to write her a letter and have her just read it on her own, because if I read it to her, I'll probably become a puddle of tears. But what I admire about her, and I go into things like her curiosity and her generosity and how she loves to learn. And a teacher at school actually emailed me yesterday. She's like, I have to tell you this thing, what your daughter did. There was a book fair during the day at school, and my daughter in the morning before going to school, she found her wallet, which had been lost for about a month. She couldn't find this wallet. And she's a saver. So it was pretty heartbreaking because she. But I knew it was somewhere around the house. We hadn't left it anywhere outside of the house. She found it. She was so thrilled. And I had given her money for the book fair, but she was like, mom, I want to use my money for the book fair. I said, okay, great. And her teacher emails us in the middle of the day and says, I have to tell you this story because it's just a wonderful story about your daughter. At the book fair, she decided to buy a book for a second grade classroom in the school. A second grade classroom. She's in third grade. A second grade classroom that had identified a book that was their favorite book at the book fair was like, I guess there was a sign for it. And this was her old second grade class. And I guess she's very nostalgic to this class and loves the teacher so much and used her money to buy the book for this second grade classroom. And so rather than getting herself three books, she got herself two books and bought this book for the class. And that's her. That's who she is. And the teacher wrote to us to be like, that doesn't happen every day. And I just wanted to tell you, like, your daughter's so kind, and that does not go unnoticed. And so I'm writing this letter for her just to identify and have her know that we see these things in her and they're not. She's probably thinking, like, I'm just being me. And. But to not to know that these things are very special in the world. To be thoughtful and to be kind. I tell my kids all the time, please. Thank you. You're welcome. It's the little things that really matter at the end of the day, because especially now I feel like we're running so fast in the world and it's very unintentional. I don't think we're all, we're not being dismissive on purpose, but we forget to take a beat and just say, hey, thank you or hey, I appreciate the thing that you did or I see you or to do something thoughtful for someone and know that it will be very meaningful for that person. And I just want my kids to grow up never losing touch with that feeling inside of I want to do this thing for someone and I know it's important and it's going to be worth it to go maybe out of my way to do this thing because the feeling I'm going to give them is going to bounce back on me as well. Like I'm gonna feel good about it too. We're both gonna win in this scenario and just to not lose touch with that part of themselves. And I also end with this in the letter for her, I say, colette, I hope too that you continue your spirit of fun. My daughter loves to have fun, as hopefully all nine year olds do. But I remember being nine and I was not a fun kid. I was very serious. I was very organized and studious and my brother was born two years later and quickly I became a de facto third parent to him. So I grew up real fast in my home and I'm not going to go into all the things I would tell a therapist and I tell her in this letter, I didn't really realize the importance of having fun and being intentional about fun until I got much older. And I want you to always make time for yourself and for your friends and for your loved ones and just be free and know that being unapologetically you and spirited is what life is about at the end of the day and you have permission to do that and it is right to do that. And I want to celebrate that on your birthday and all days. So I decided to write this letter for her and I want to do it every year and starting with my son now also this year. So there is a point to all of this as we're about to embark on this conversation today with Bola so Kunbi, founder of Clever Girl Finance. Clever Girl Finance is one of the largest financial education platforms for women in the country. Bola's been on the show before. You might remember her. She's a certified financial education instructor, six time bestselling author. I didn't realize that. Thought it was just her fourth book book but now she has a sixth book and it's called Clever Girl Millionaire. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Millionaire. When you hear that word, what goes on in your mind? What are the words that pop up? How does it make you feel? Do you say, yeah, that's possible for me, or do you immediately roll your eyes and go, no, I don't want to even think about it. That's for someone else. I'm just trying to dig out of debt. For a lot of people, I think, especially women who weren't raised culturally to believe that money was something that they should be serious about or care about, the word millionaire, it's uncomfortable, it's foreign. Bola wants to change that narrative. And what I appreciate about her work is that she doesn't frame wealth as like some overnight transformation or a social media highlight hit. Instead, she talks about the real path to wealth, which is slow. It can be hard, and it can be uncomfortable as well as intentional. Her own story is deeply personal. Bola grew up in a Nigerian immigrant household where sacrifice and resilience were simply part of life. Her mother left a successful career as an investment banker in Nigeria, came to the US to work as a nanny, starting over completely, so Bola could pursue an education here. And that experience shaped how Bola thinks about money, opportunity, and something else powerful that you'll hear in this conversation. Legacy. Because wealth isn't just about hitting a number in your bank account. It's about asking bigger questions. What do you want your money to represent? What change do you want because you existed? Here's Bola Sukunbi. Bola Sokhunbi. Welcome back to Sew Money. It's so great to have you.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Thank you for having me, Farnoosh. I'm so honored to be here again.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

You have been very busy. I cannot believe. What is this book? Number four?

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Number six. I can't believe it either.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Oh, my gosh. I cannot keep track. Your new book is called Clever Girl Millionaire. It's part of the Clever Girl brand that you built over a decade ago. I remember I knew you when. And this, this book is very personal. It sounds like to you as it incorporates and weaves in a lot of story about the immigrant impact when it comes to managing your money. But also it sounds like you've really grown up with your audience and now you're talking about some things that are more sort of like later stage, I would say, when it comes to the mindset around money, things like legacy, things like what do I want my money to represent? But you tell Me, what was the thinking behind this, this sixth book?

[Bola Sokhunbi]

So you are right, I have grown up with my audience and I have evolved as an individual, with my finances, as an entrepreneur. And I got to the point where I achieved this milestone and people wanted to learn more about how I did it. And in reflection outside of my brand and my business, just a reflection of getting to where I, I am now today. I was thinking back before I pitched the book, before I wrote the book, how I got here. And it was accumulation of many different things, starting with my parents and the decisions that they made that changed the trajectory of our family. And I started thinking about the decisions that I have made have led me to this point, despite the mistakes, despite the errors, despite the setbacks, despite not being defined in a certain way by social media or current society. But I still got to this place. And I wanted to share that with my audience who have been asking, but also use it as a form of empowerment to women in general and our allies to really inform them and have them understand that this is possible for you too, regardless of what your starting point is or isn't. So the idea behind Clever Girl Millionaire is really just thinking through, shifting from thinking, is this possible for me? To what can I do to make this possible for me?

[Farnoosh Torabi]

The concept of millionaire, what are you finding from your audience in terms of the relationship that we have to this word? Because for women especially, I feel as though we don't grow up with the supportive narrative of you, first of all, that we should be rich or should want for. To be rich to seek money. Right. But then to actually attach an amount to that. Right. Millions of dollars. And so that vocabulary we don't grow up with. But now we're being pushed into that. And that's great. I do that. You do that. So many women in our, in the personal finance space are doing that. But what do you hear from the women in your community? Are they quick to say yes or is there like some insecurity?

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Saying yes takes a lot of shifts. So what I've found in general is that there's a lot of hesitancy, there's a lot of fear, there's a lot of. That's not even possible for me. And there's a lot of feeling like it's so far out of reach. Yeah, that's the general take I get when I talk about this with women. There's a lot of hesitancy and fear. And it's like, how can I think about that big goal when I'm here trying to figure out paying off debt or navigate sending my kids to school or I'm living paycheck to paycheck. That just seems so far out of reach.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

That's what I really wanted to kick off and ask you about is for so many people and not just women, I think this country, we're a debt ridden nation.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Right.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Like for so many people, the best case scenario is just to get to zero, not millions. Is I just want to get to a place where I can wake up and I don't have creditors calling me and I don't have a bill from name the credit card company. And so for those who are there, what's the first step? Because this is an incremental process.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Right.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

And you know it, I know it. So for those who are there in that place, what are the tactical things they need to do as well as the mindset shifts?

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Yeah, I think for someone who's in that space where they're just trying to get by, it's really making sure that your finances are in order and it's all the financial foundationals that you and I both talk about, it's taking a look at all of your income coming in, looking at your expenses, looking at the big picture of everything you have going on with your finances, making sure you're aware of all of your debts and then start to think about, okay, are there opportunities for me to cut back or are there opportunities for me to increase my income? Because you can only cut back so far and are there any tools or systems I can leverage to make this easier for me to approach? So it requires some objective thinking. Even though when you are in a dire situation or things are tight with your finances, it can be highly emotional. But you have to be objective to say, okay, this is what it is right now and this is what I can control. This is what I cannot control. Do I need to pick up my phone and talk to a creditor or utility provider and have a conversation with them about payments? It's really trying to get a handle on what you have going on now. Gone to a place of stability with that. Then it's what can I put away? What can I start putting away from my future self? Starting with saving and that emergency fund and that and then investing for future you while you continue to navigate the now. I think the biggest thing when it comes to shifting mindsets is getting away from the idea of overnight sensations and social media and everything that we have going on around us doesn't necessarily help us. There is this new generation thinking that we get rich quickly. And it is possible to get rich quickly. But most wealthy people have gotten wealthy over time. Slowly, steadily, consistently. And that's what makes it attainable for everyday people, right? Like the rest of us.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

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[Farnoosh Torabi]

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[Bola Sokhunbi]

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[Farnoosh Torabi]

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[Farnoosh Torabi]

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[Bola Sokhunbi]

So I'm going to talk about this from my perspective because I'm very familiar with uncertainty, my perspective as first generation immigrant, right? So we moved, my family moved here from Nigeria and my mom was a investment banker in Nigeria. She had an mba. She had multiple side hustles and chose to migrate here for a better life so that she could afford to send me to college, given the exchange rate, knowing that I was going to college here as an international student and just for the opportunities that this country offered. And so she moved from Nigeria and came here with uncertainty because her degrees and her titles and her businesses did not automatically transfer. And my mom started working here as a nanny, taking care of other people's children, eventually becoming a nurse's aide and then becoming a nurse, which was her goal. And when I look at my mom back then, I remember watching her and I could feel the humbling experience that she went from being this status of person in Nigeria, coming here now, being at the very bottom, not sure how she was going to get back on her feet, working, taking care of people's kids, minimum wage. And I think for her and what I learned from her was that she held on to an intention and a vision. Yes, things were hard for her. Now she didn't necessarily know how she was going to make all ends meet, but she did what she could with her control. And I remember my mom would tell me my options are to sit here and complain or to figure out what I can do to move the needle forward little by little. And it was painful, was uncomfortable. And so for people dealing with uncertainty you and I farnish, we've gone through several seasons of uncertainty with different economic crisis, the housing, bub Covid, all kinds of stuff. It's. We have a choice, despite what we can't control. And the choice is, what can we do within our control? And yes, going to the grocery store and trying to plan out your groceries because of affordability, things are so much expensive, so much more expensive can be hard, but what can you do with what you have? And getting creative, right? Despite what's going on in the economy, statistics show historically that the biggest opportunities are always buried in these difficult times. So what can we do to make it work? Can we cut back? And if we get to the point that we've cut back so much, what can we do to get creative and bring extra income in to be able to support our needs in that short term while we figure out our future selves? The other thing I will add about uncertainty is that uncertainty will force you, if you are ready, to step out of your comfort zone. My mom becoming a nanny was well out of her comfort zone. She was an investment banker. Wow. Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone to achieve that thing you want to get by, to make ends meet, to start pursuing your goals in uncertainty? Or is it comfortable for you to sit down and watch the news and feel panic and continue to allow yourself to feel panic and it sounds harsh, but again, going back to what I said earlier, situations like this, seasons like this are highly emotional, but we have to find ways to look at things objectively and say, this is what it is. What can I control? What can I not control? And based on what I can control, what can I do?

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Yeah, I wrote down. I was writing a lot of notes as you were speaking because it was all so good, so many gems. Okay, so first of all, I want to point out what you just said, which is getting uncomfortable. And this word came to mind, this idea of disruption. So we use this word a lot in the business world, right? We think about these companies that have become these unicorns because why? Because they identified what wasn't working, working in their industries, and they created out of the box ideas and they disrupted a system. And then of course, they became successful. But it took a lot of believing in a concept that maybe took a lot of risk. And it took time, it took pain, but they knew that the status quo was not sustainable. And if you apply that to your personal life, it's all there, right? When you know it in your bones, when something is not sustainable. Okay. And so the Choice becomes am I just going to let this ride like your mom said? You're just going to sit here and just fold your hands or are you going to disrupt and drive this change? I love that. And then when we're comparing this generation and this era to say your mom's era and my parents were immigrants too, there are. We could argue till the cows come home about whether they had it tougher or we have it tougher or things were cheaper then but with inflation, was it really. But I think the bigger takeaway is that what are the things that never change. Right. That we can lean on in difficult times. And the themes that always come up, and your mom's story really illustrates this beautifully. Things like intentionality, being willing to withstand some pain. This comes up on our show all the time. Like people who want to get out of debt, really get out of debt, like hundreds of thousands. They don't just pay the minimum on their credit cards every month. They upend their lives. They go back home and live with their parents. They take on side hustles. They might declare bankruptcy, honestly. And then try to rebuild. Navigating the system, getting creative. This is all brilliant stuff. Do you remember a time when life got painful for you in order to get to the next level? I'm trying to think about a painful time for me I would say just painful is a subjective word. I mean let's.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

You're.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

I'm not gonna compare my pain to my parents pain. Immigrating from a war tor country in the seventies. Not to compare. But yeah, it's all relative. I think being subjected to New York city in my 20s and not having the ability to live it up. $18 an hour before taxes.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Yeah, I think it depends on what you consider paying. Like you said, if we compare it to where our parents are coming from, is it really pain? My parents are first generation everything, right. So they're first to go to grade school, high school, college. And they came, they did all of that and came out with the. I won't call it a burden, I'll call it the obligation of the extended family. And so my parents, given that they had deeds, education, they had these degrees depending on despite how they started, they had the opportunity to build wealth because they were making decent middle class incomes. But they had their extended family, so their siblings and cousins. And these are people that my parents have had to take care of even till today. So they had this huge obligation of family to take care of. So when I think about painful or difficult seasons or not being able to pursue my goals, nothing compares. But for me, I guess one of the first experiences that really challenged me, that made me think what could be possible for me was not having enough money to get through college. My mom was here working as a nanny. I had partial scholarships and we still didn't have enough money to pay for tuition. And, and I didn't have anybody to ask to co sign for a student loan as an international student without putting on that burden of debt because we had uncles who had already done that for my brothers. And I remember I had to take time off of school. And as opposed to your standard four year timeline, it took me five and a half years to college. And so at that point I was like, this is who I am. We're just meant to not have enough money to do what we want to do. So that's one painful. Definitely building a business, what that feels like.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Yeah. Every year there's periods of anxiety, right? It's so funny. It's so funny how the brain operates. It's just they say that the body keeps the score. But now when it comes to entrepreneurship, like my body should know by now that I always end up fine. Like I've never, we're not living in a shoebox. Like the IRS is not coming after me. Like people are getting fed in my house. But somehow there is a moment of, of severe fear of scarcity that I have usually around December when my accountant emails me. But yeah, another huge pillar of your new book theme is this concept of legacy that I think is a really profound topic and for women. I can't speak for all women, but I know for me and many women in my life, this really speaks to us. And I think when we talk about planning your financial life, it's very important to have a North, sort of a North Star and to think about your why and to think about, okay, I'm planning this financial life not just because it's going to buy me all this stuff that I want and all these shiny things, but it's because like I wanted to represent some values, right? And I wanted to maybe reflect who I want to be in this world, but also like, like support people in my life and support a community or institutions or whatever it is. Legacy, right? What do you want your life to represent and uphold? And money can be a tool for that. And I think for women that's like such a powerful idea and a motivating idea to go out there and get the money. Why did you want to bring legacy into this conversation?

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Because it's so important to get clear on what you want to achieve. One, what you want to set the stage for your children, for if you have children, your community or your environment, and how you want to look back and say, okay, this makes me feel good. I did this. And now I know it can go on beyond me. And when I think about legacy, for me, it's not just about money. There are several aspects to legacy for me. So when I first started my business as an example, I didn't know what my business was going to be. I didn't know was going to be clever girl finance. But I remember feeling a gaping hole in my being. This was partially postpartum as a mom to twins. But I felt like the work I did at my company, where I was a number, even though it wasn't important, if I wasn't there, it still went on. And I felt this so compelled because now I had these little kids to do something that mattered, that I could say, this is what mommy has done now. So that was an idea of legacy for me at the time. My dad recently passed away a few months ago.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

I'm sorry.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Oh, thanks. Thank you very much. But my brothers and I were just talking about the legacy that he left for us. So my dad didn't leave us any trust funds. He didn't leave us any vast amounts of money. He left enough to take care of my mom, and he left us with final words saying, I don't owe anybody anything. But when we think about the legacy he left for us, my dad very much prioritized education. Cutting your coat according to your size and giving back. And that's what we were raised on. And my dad was a late starter. He started the first grade at age 13 because he came from a background of poverty. There was no money to go. And he went on to get two PhDs, become very successful in his field as a mathematician and econometrician. And that legacy, that decision to pursue education, because it was somewhat optional at the time, because the option was to go to the farm, change the trajectory of our family. Now, my dad's younger brother chose not to complete his education. He went to a few years of grades of high school and dropped out. And their lives were vastly different in the sense that my dad supported his younger brother and all of my cousins.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Wow.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

For decades, even up until now, up until today, we still support my cousins. And when I think about decisions that he made to go to school, to pursue formal education, to empower us with knowledge, to educate us, that changed the trajectory of our generation. My dad's generation cascading forward. And to me that's legacy and there's not dollars involved. He didn't say bola here is $1 million. So when I now think about what my legacy is going to be, to answer your question, I want to be able to position my children where they can take care of themselves and figure life out no matter what. So empowering them with knowledge, empowering them with confidence as children of color, but also financially passing on wealth to them that they can use to transition wealth to their own generations, but also have an impact in the way that makes sense for them. And so I believe impact and legacy are very closely tied together because when you create something that matters and you have the financial means tied to it, then you can start making big differences beyond just yourself and beyond just your family. So, you know, today there's a lot of complaining and a lot of anger about things that are going on in the economy, in the world, in politics, et cetera. And our voices are powerful. But when you can tie financial backing to that, then you drive change. Then you can impact communities, you can impact organizations, you can walk away from situations that don't serve you, you can support other people. And the other thing about legacy that my dad taught me is that I mentioned my parents were not wealthy, they both come from backgrounds of poverty, is that you don't need to be rich to give back. So given my dad's experience of starting school at age 13, I knew in my dad's hometown there are many other kids where the first option for you was to go and become a farmer and bring in food for your house. And so when I first got my first, when I got my first corporate job, I was like, I want to give back to this community that raised my dad, that allowed me to be here in this position where my parents valued education, got great education. I'm working, wasn't making six figures, but I talked to my parents and we set up a scholarship fund for kids in my dad's hometown. And me, my friends and family all started contributing. And over a 12 year period, we sent 12 kids to school, to grade school and high school, fully paid for. And that is legacy for me, that's impact. And that changed the trajectory of those kids lives coming from a background of poverty.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

And your dad was alive to.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Yes, my dad was alive to see that. Wow.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Oh my gosh.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

And legacy and impact is not just about money. It's not about you waiting to be rich to do it. If you're thinking about it now and it's very personal to each individual. What's meaningful to you and when you look back, what do you want to be like? I'm so glad I did this. And then how do you want your dollars to act on your behalf to create impact?

[Farnoosh Torabi]

That's incredible. What a story. So I'm fascinated by the fact that. So your dad chose to continue and further his education. Two PhDs, not even just one. His brother chose a different path. And in your culture is it just assumed that the wealthiest sibling will take care of the family? That is a non discussion like that's just happening.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

It is assumed. Me and my siblings have inherited some of my dad's obligations.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Oh yeah.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

For his sisters. My dad has a twin sister that was not formally educated for context. My grandfather did not believe in educating the female child. If I were to meet him, I need to have a conversation with him. So my dad went on to get this education. But my aunt, his twin sister, she's. She doesn't read and she doesn't write even though she runs her own little side business. We took on that obligation of taking care of her and my dad's other sisters who are not formally educated. But yes, that is the expectation. Not everybody does it. As someone who's raised with these people, when you have siblings or your siblings have kids, you feel that tug in your heart. Yeah. So my mom.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

What would you do if you didn't have the financial capacity to support them? I have many audience members who.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Yes.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Because this is cross generational, I think we. And it's often maybe like the child radio grows up and then is supporting the aging parents. That's often the case. It's not maybe like a cousin, but it's. Or an aunt, but it's. It's a pressure point for them because they're trying to maybe pay off student loan debt and retirement and their own savings. And this feels like a non negotiable. And so it's tricky right, because you're. It's your family, but it's also your money. It's your lifeline in some ways.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Right.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

You gotta eat food. What do you say to those folks? How do you help them?

[Bola Sokhunbi]

In my parent generation it would be, I don't have money to give you, but I can feed you breakfast, lunch and dinner, come and eat with my family. Or you can bring your kids and stay in the spare winter house even though I can't give you any cash to do whatever. But for this generation, it's a little different. There is that again the obligation and this is something that's huge in immigrant minority communities. Taking care of your family, your parents, supporting parents. And it's hard, right, because you're trying to navigate your finances, your debt, your savings, your future goals. Maybe you have kids, maybe you're navigating life, divorce, et cetera. And then you have a parent or parents to take care of. And I think in today's world, it's really important that we start to position our parents, if we can, and empower them with information so that they can also start to take care of themselves a little bit. And that means maybe looking through their bills with them and saying, okay, you're overpaying here. Let's cut this back. Or looking through any benefits that they may have and making sure that they're getting everything that. That they have worked so hard for. Or maybe they need to downsize into a smaller home because you've all left this house and they can't afford to do it. It's about having the conversation lovingly and kindly. I know in immigrant households, it's hard to go tell the person that birthed you, Come here, let me talk to you about money. No, we have to approach it with caution and then delicate. I understand the obligation is real. And this may require that you have to build them into your budget, but you also have to communicate and say, listen, I'm building you into my budget to help support you with groceries, month or half of your light bill, whatever it is you can afford. But this is the number. Right. And so let's look at your finances. Let's look at any benefits you have. Let's look at what you have going on so I can help you and get to a common ground. Or it could be maybe they're moving in with you. You have to make it work in a way that makes sense for you, but don't. What? A lot of people end up harboring the resentment.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Yeah.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

They don't communicate and they take it on as a burden and it starts slowly killing them.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Them.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

And it doesn't help.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Yes. And I think they. The first and only option they think is I have to just pay whatever their expenses are and that it is what it is. As opposed to, let's evaluate, let's shrink things, let's shrink costs, let's come up with cost alternatives, bartering, like moving in together, all these things. I think also with couples, married couples, where one partner is financing a relative's life, that conversation between the spouses can also be tricky. That is something that I hear from my audience as well. Single motherhood is a growing reality in our country as well. More women are the primary or sole breadwinners in their relationships in their families. What's your advice for them in terms of protecting their money and making sure that they're putting their oxygen mask on first? We talked about supporting external family members, but it's also like just making sure that there's enough to go around within their family. That single income can be hard to stretch.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Yeah. So I have a section of my book where I do talk about single and slaying. Single and slaying. And I feel like in a way there's this negative connotation about if you are a single mother or a single woman trying to build wealth, it's not possible for you. And so I try to reframe that and say, look at it as a superpower. Right. You are in charge of your decision. Nobody tells you what to do, nobody tells you what you can buy, nobody's going to tell you how to decorate your room or none of that stuff. You decide. And so that puts you fully in control in the driver's seat. The con of that is that you are fully in control, which means that you don't have a fallback. But then knowing that this is a situation that you're in, how can you start to build your own buffers, your own hedge around you to protect yourself? So if you have a stable income, that's. If you don't, that's your number one priority. How do I stabilize my income? How do I stabilize housing, food, my core essentials for myself, for my kids? That's the first priority. Once you're able to get to that point and you start having extra money or discretionary income, or you get a better paying job, or you have side hustle income, or you cut back here and there in your budget, your priority is to start putting money to backup funds, emergency savings for you and your child's needs. But also, no matter how little, start putting money away for your future, future self, whether it's through your employer's plan, through an ira. Start investing. And one thing I always harp in on is that no amount is too small. I think almost 10 years ago or many years ago, I came on your podcast about my saving $100,000 in three and a half years coming out of college. And people assume that I just had all this money coming to save a hundred thousand dollars. But there's an, there's a. There was this incident, not an incident, but there was a scenario that happened that I constantly use an examp. I was trying to build consistency with saving money. I wasn't making a lot of money. I was making $54,000 before taxes. But I wanted to just keep saving something. And I did my budget for that pay period, and I had a dollar left over, and I said, I can use a dollar. I can fling it on my counter, go buy some gum. Or I can take this. I can try to deposit it. So I tried to do an online transfer, but my credit Union's minimum was $10. So I got in my car.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Yeah, nice try.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

I got my car.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

They're like.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

And I drove to the credit union, and I put the dollar in the counter, and I said, I want to deposit it. And the teller was like, girl, did you drive all the way here?

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Spent more on gas getting here.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Come on. And I was like. Because I'm trying to stay intentional. And the point of that is that those small amounts, they add up at the beginning stages is less about the amounts and more about the consistency. So that when you get that bonus, that tax return, that extra money, you automatically save some of it, because it's now built who you are.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

The bank should have been celebrating you. Balloons should have come down.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

You're ridiculous. What are you doing here?

[Farnoosh Torabi]

He should have been the first to congratulate you on your intentionality. Bola Quimby, thank you so much. And I cannot believe 10 years ago was the first time you were on the show, and now you're. You've been on before. In between that, it's always a pleasure to have you on. Congrats on your latest success. You look great. You sound great. Can't have. Cannot wait to have you back on. On. And stay warm, because I know we're both in New Jersey. I hope you are done shoveling.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

I don't know.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

I don't know if we'll ever be done, but fingers crossed.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

But, Farnoosh, I just want to tell you thank you for all your consistent support over the years. You just gave me a lifeline when nobody else did. Especially in the early days. Especially in the early days. And so I am forever grateful to you for your support throughout supporting my career, my business. I really appreciate you, and I just wanted to make sure I say that on record. Thank you so much.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Thank you, Bola. Well, I feel it. I always feel it when you come on. You're gracious and kind and generous and, like, you exude thoughtfulness. You don't have to say the words. I feel the love. I do. And you deserve every ounce of success.

[Bola Sokhunbi]

Thank you.

[Farnoosh Torabi]

Thanks so much to Bola Sokhunbi for joining us. I love what she had to say about navigating family obligations and financial pressure. Pressure, especially in immigrant households. I think, oh gosh, I don't have a perfect answer for that ever. When someone asks me what do I do? I gotta support my aging mom, but I've got my kids and then I've got my own stuff. And it's hard. It's hard. It's important to know that there's nothing wrong with taking care of your financial life as a priority. Because ultimately if you can't do that, if your money isn't set up up to take care of you, then nobody else is going to be okay. I know that's hard for everybody to understand and accept, but that is the truth. Thanks so much for tuning in everybody. I will see you back here on Wednesday. I hope your day is so Money, Shipping, billing, admin, payroll, marketing. You're managing all the things so why waste time sending important documents the old fashioned way. Mail and ship when you want, how you want with stamps.com print postage on demand 247 and schedule pickups from your office or home. Save up to 90% with automated rate shopping. That's why over 1 million stamps. Small businesses trust stamps.com go to stamps.com and use code podcast to try stamps.com risk free for 60 days.

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