← So Money with Farnoosh Torabi
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So Money Episode 1968 Ask Love Money and the cost of Connection.
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You're listening to so Money with award winning money guru Farnoosh Torabi. Each day get a 30 minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business minds, authors, influencers and from Farnoosh yourself. Looking for ways to save on gas or double your double coupons. Sorry, you're in the wrong place. Seeking profound ways to live a richer, happier life. Welcome to Sew Money.
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This episode is brought to us by Louis Jadot. A thoughtful way to elevate date night without overspending. Welcome to so Money Everybody. It is Askfar Newsh Friday, April 10, 2026 we are five days away from the tax deadline. Five days. So how are we feeling? Have we filed? Are we pretending it's not happening? Are we banking on a refund and already mentally spending it? I'll tell you what I usually do. I file an extension. And not because I'm disorganized, I mean just maybe a little bit, but mostly because it actually gives me a strategic advantage. When you file an extension, you basically give yourself more time to contribute to, in my case, a SEP ira. If you're self employed, you have actually until October to fund it for the previous tax year. That doesn't apply to traditional ira. That deadline is still in April. But for set by arrays, this is a huge window and I will take all of that time because I like to max out the set IRA. It's something that I've committed to since my late 20s. It's a very big commitment. And every year, every other year it seems like the limit increases. And my accountant's always like, you gotta get there, you gotta get there. And I get there like a good soldier. Now the downside is if you're expecting a refund, you are not gonna see that money until you actually file with the extension. I usually split the difference and aim to file sometime in early summer. All right, anyway, today we're going to dig into all of it. Last minute tax moves, what to do with your refund, and something I think we're all quietly dealing with right now, which is how expensive it is just to have a social life. I mean seriously, going out with friends, dating, maintaining romantic relationships. You think you're going out to just grab a quick dinner with your partner and suddenly it is 180 doll. You're like, how did that add up so fast? What happened? I mean, in our case, my husband and I to go out. That's a babysitter, right? Because we have two kids on top of the $200 meal that we might have, it's another hundred dollars for the babysitter. So you can do the math every week, every month. So some people are just, like, giving up. They're like, no, I can't do this anymore. And it makes sense. There's new data now from Louis Jadot, our partner for this episode, showing that more than half of Americans say rising costs have changed how often they go on dates, While more than one in four, 25% of Americans say they have stopped dating completely to cut back on spending. We're going to talk about this data and more today. And you'll definitely want to stay till the end because I'm going to share my thoughts on who I think should pay on the first date. So I'm really excited about today's partner, Louis Jadot. You've definitely seen their label. They are the number one selling French red and white wine in America. They've got a winemaking legacy dating back to 1859. And I've partnered with them on something called the Loveflation Edit, which looks at how rising costs are reshaping dating relationships and date night spending. Because, let's be honest, dating is not just emotional anymore. It's financial. They surveyed about 2,000Americans nationwide on how inflation is impacting dating from how often people go out to how much they're spending and even what they're cutting back on to afford it. And we're going to unpack, unpack that in just a bit, just in time for tax refund season before we get to that. And also your questions, quick shout out to this week's episodes in case you missed them. Monday, we sat down with Tiffany Alice, the budget Nista, who always delivers. She's one of my favorite guests. She's a friend, she's a neighbor. We talked about how to rethink your budget right now without spiraling. It's kind of the theme right now right outside is expensive. You're doing all the right things. It seems you're living below your means, trying to live below your means. You're making a good sack. You're, you're being responsible with your budget. And still, Tiffany has some wonderful advice. Her book, how to Get Good with Money, New York Times bestselling book, is out in paperback now. This week and then Wednesday, a blast from the past, Mr. Money Mustache himself, Pete Adney. Yes, Pete and I first met a long time ago. I want to say, like 2012. We went deep on life after financial independence because, of course, you know, Mr. Money Mustache is the face of the fire movement, financial independence, retire early. Well, he's done that. So what happens now? What actually matters when money and building wealth is no longer the main stressor, the main goal? All right, go back and check out those episodes in case you missed them. And now it's time for answering your questions, starting with some last minute tax help question from the audience. Farnooch, I know I'm cutting it close. Is there anything I can still do right now to lower my taxes, lower my tax bill? Yeah, there is. And first of all, I want to just say you are in very good company. And just to make you feel even better about cutting it close, IRS data shows that nearly a third of taxpayers file in the final two weeks before the deadline. So if you're feeling behind, you're actually right on trend. But here's the thing about waiting until the last minute. It actually forces you into reactive mode. And taxes are one of those rare financial moments where a little bit of proactivity even days before the deadline can still move the needle. And we're going to get into some of the ways. This is not like investing, where the best time to invest was yesterday with taxes. The system actually gives you a few levers that you can still pull in real time. And those levers, like retirement contributions, deductions can translate into hundreds or even thousands of dollars. So instead of thinking it's too late, I want you to think what is still within my control. There is still time to make at least one meaningful move, maybe even more. If you have not yet contributed to a traditional ira, that's where I'd you can still do that up until April 15, you can put in up to $7,000. Or if you're 50 or older, you can make a catch up contribution, an extra thousand dollars for a total of $8,000. And that contribution can help to reduce your taxable income. So this is one of those rare moments where you can act now and that will still impact last year's taxes. And one thing I'll add here, because this is where people get tripped up. Contributing to a traditional IRA does not aut automatically guarantee a deduction. So just to be clear, it depends on your income and whether you have access to a workplace retirement plan. So this is where it's worth either checking IRS guidelines or doing a quick consult with your tax professional, because the difference between a deductible and a non deductible contribution, that's real money. Also, if you're on the cusp, income wise, this is where timing matters. Sometimes even a small contribution can push you into a slightly lower tax bracket or qualify you for additional credits. And these are the nuances that don't get talked about enough, but they do matter. Now. Looking ahead, there are also some updates coming for the 2025 tax year that are worth knowing right now. So one I want to keep an eye on is the child tax credit. That's going up to $2,200 per child. There is also a new deduction tied to overtime income for some workers. They might be able to deduct a portion of that up to $12,500. Or for single filers and $25,000 for couples. And for anyone 65 and older, there is a new additional deduction up to $6,000 individually or $12,000 for couples. That's a senior deduction, and that's on top of the standard deduction you already receive. So that is good news for seniors. Just a few ways to lower your tax bill, but you got to be paying attention. So many changes, right? But that's why you got to stick here with the podcast. And now another question. If I do get a tax wr refund, what's the best way to use it? What's the smartest way to spend it or save it? All right, so first, let's acknowledge this. The average refund this year is expected to be between 3,000 and $3,800. That's an increase, and that is a lot of money. That is not nothing. And what I always tell people is this. A refund is not a bonus or a raise. Right? It's a second chance. And psychologically, refunds can be tricky. There's actually research in behavioral economics that shows that we treat, quote, found money differently than money that we earn in our paycheck. Even though it's literally the same dollars, we're more likely to spend it quickly, less likely to plan for it, and more likely to justify purchases that we wouldn't normally make. So one little trick I like. Before the refund even hits your account, decide where it's going. Give every dollar a job before it arrives. Because once it lands, that's when emotion kicks in. And emotion, we know, is not always the best financial planner. Let's just say your refund is your money. It's money that you already earned that you're getting back in your pocket. So you want to use it wisely. How do you use it wisely? First, you check your foundation. Do you have enough in savings right now with everything going on the uncertainty. My Recommendation is minimum 4 to 6 months of your bare bones living expenses shored up in a savings account, tucked away, you're not touching it. In the event that you lose your job, you're going to maybe get a severance paycheck, you're going to collect unemployment and you'll have this nest egg, this little bucket to help you ride out the storm. The average amount of time it takes for people to find a job in this economy, those who are still actively looking, is about six to seven months. And just to underscore this, recent labor data shows that even highly qualified workers are taking longer to land roles, especially in industries going through restructuring or that are impacted by. We talked about this with our guest Chae Wong last week. He's an entrepreneur that started a business and they help primarily white collar workers reskill upskill in this AI driven economy. So you know, this is not just about being conservative or cautious. This is about aligning your financial safety net with the reality of today's job market and how it's evolving. And if six months of savings feels like, I can't even imagine getting started on this. It's too overwhelming. Start with just one month. How about can you save enough so that in the event there is an incident where you're going to owe $1,000 to a biller because maybe you had to repair your car, there was an out of pocket health expense, could you do that? And then once you get there, keep going, build it to 2000 or go from one month to two months worth of savings. And three, progress is what we're aiming for here, not perfection. So savings is the first thing, that's the starting point because again, without that cushion, nothing else will work. Everything else feels shaky. Secondly, if you have high interest debt, specifically credit card debt, this is your moment. If you're getting a refund, I know it's not exciting, but paying off a credit card with an interest rate that's 20%, 25%, this is one of the best returns on your money that you will ever get. Okay, before you pay down your mortgage, before you pay off your student loan debt, before you even invest in the stock market, I would say pay off that high, high interest credit card debt. Let's break this down in real numbers. If you're carrying a $5,000 balance on a credit card at, let's say 22% interest, you're talking paying over $1,000 a year just in interest on this one card. You might have a few other cards. If you're only Making minimum payments. That's money that's not earning any returns, it's just disappearing. The PE best analogy for this is it's the treadmill to nowhere. So when we say paying off high interest debt is a guaranteed return, that's what we mean. It's like earning 20% on your money instantly. You know you're not going to get that in the market consistently. So take it where you can and then from there we look forward. Okay, so savings first, debt second. Then you're thinking, okay, can I invest some of this? How's my retirement account doing? Or my brokerage Account or my 529 college savings plan for my kids, even just a small little bit? Because again, we're investing it. It will compound. This is going to be a significant move with your money, with your refund. Another underrated move is using your refund to get ahead of expenses that you know are coming. So it's April. I'm looking ahead. I'm seeing summer camp, travel. I've gotten letters in the mail that my insurance is going up for home insurance, car insurance, and then we've got back to school. Do you know that I already got an email about supplies for the fall of 2026 for my soon to be fourth grader? I'm just, I'm just, I'm ignoring that email. I have to say I'm not there yet. Anyway, these expenses, if you can anticipate them and you can kind of start to plan for them, that's the best case scenario. Because otherwise these expenses, this is the stuff, right? This is the stuff that ends up on the credit cards because we didn't plan, we didn't have a little bit of foresight. And a little bit of savings can go a very long way. I know a lot of people who this time of year start to save for the holidays. They start a Christmas fund or a Hanukkah fund. And speaking of gifts, I want you to enjoy some of this money as well. Okay? 5 to 10% of your refund guilt free. And this is of course assuming you do have some of these other responsib, saving, paying off debt, but do reserve some of your money for joy. We talked about that this week with Tiffany, Alice. On Monday we talked about, you know, mining for joy in your life. And it can be simple things, but 5 to 10% guilt free. And I know this is gonna be good news to a lot of us listening. And I'm just being realistic because I mean, what is our money for if we're not Enjoying it. Louis Jadot actually had some research done recently, and they found that 46% of Americans say at least some of their tax refund will go toward their love life this year. So even as people are budgeting more carefully, they're still prioritizing connection. And maybe that means going out for a nice dinner with the person you just started seeing or planning a thoughtful activity with your partner. Or maybe that's staying in and making a night indoors feel special with food and wine and not blowing your whole paycheck at once. Because money, my friends, is not just about optimization. It is about living your life right. I always tell this story. My father, he taught me a lot about money, but he's from a generation where they kind of just like, follow the savings. They just follow the savings. And whatever they can save, they'll save, even if it means taking up a lot of their time, even if it means inconveniencing themselves. Pennywise, pound foolish. You know, we drive the extra mile to get buy cheaper gas, but end up wasting more gas to get there. Like, it's just a whole mindset, and we have to remember to live our lives right and just take a step back and go, what is it for? What is this all for? All right, let's talk about loveflation and dating. Okay. Dating is very expensive right now. Whether you're dating as a single person or you're dating your spouse, you're going on date nights. How can we be more cost conscious this without killing the romance? I know this is a question on a lot of our minds. The weather's getting nicer. We want to go outside. We want to do fun things, and it's expensive out there. We are officially in the era of loveflation, where date night now requires a budget meeting beforehand. And again, the data reflects that. Louis Jadot's survey found that 56% of Americans, more than half, say rising costs, have changed how often they go on dates, and 27% say they have stopped dating altogether to save money. Let that sink in. So, you know, we've talked on the show about how people are not, like, having kids because of the price shock. They're not having weddings because of the price shock. They're not buying homes because of the price shock. And now we're learning about how they're not engaging, they're not connecting like they would normally because of inflation. Loveflation. And what really stood out to me is how uneven the pressure is. So get this. Among Americans earning under $50,000 a year, a full 33% said they have stopped dating entirely to save money, compared with just 15% of those earning a hundred thousand dollars or more. So for many people, dating is increasingly being becoming a luxury. And others are making real trade offs to keep their dating lives alive, most often cutting back on shopping for personal items at 30%, nights out with friends at 27%, and even groceries or takeout at 25%. And this is really where money intersects with access. Because if dating becomes financially out of reach for a portion of the population, this has real social implications. It changes how people meet, how often they connect, how even, even relationships form and evolve. And for younger adults, especially, who are already navigating things like student loans and higher rents and slower wage growth, this aspect of their lives, which should be what they look forward to, adds another layer of pressure. So, you know, we talk about loveflation. It's not just a catchy phrase. This is a reflection, I think, of how the economy is shaping our personal lives in very real ways. So given all of that, here's a shift. Here are some suggestions for shifts that we can make. 1. Stop thinking how do I spend less? And start thinking how do I make this more intentional? Because the best dates are not the most expensive ones. I'll never forget. During the pandemic. It was our eighth wedding anniversary. My husband and I, we wanted to get out date night, right? The restaurants are all closed, so we stayed in the car, we parked at a park, we brought takeout. And it was one of the most joyous moments. We'll never forget it. The best dates are not the most expensive ones. They're the ones where you actually connect. You're more intentional. In our car, eating chicken. We'll never forget that particular anniversary because it was special, it was out of the box. And that's what happens when you have to get creative. Now, this wasn't because of a financial circumstance. It was because of, you know, the pandemic. But the point being is that when you are more intentional, that's when the best memories are made. And that was one of my favorite dates. It cost almost nothing. And some other ideas. A DIY at home, food and wine pairing, a long walk and coffee. Going somewhere where you can actually talk, like a cozy wine bar. And, you know, someplace where you don't have to shout over music. And here's the other important piece. You don't have to match someone else's spending. So if your date, your partner, suggests something expensive and this does not feel good to you, you can redirect. And I Want you to redirect. I want you to say, I'd love to see you. Why don't we do something a little more low key this time? That's it. It's not awkward. And I'll be honest, the other person is often relieved, you know, because when you're dating, you want to impress each other. Maybe it's your turn to plan the date. You want to make some big gesture, do something extravagant. It's going to cost. Cost a lot. And so you're under this pressure, you're under this expectation, maybe this silent expectation. But you can be the one to say, we don't have to do this, and it's totally fine. You can also balance things out over time. Maybe one night is a dinner out, the next one's a movie and a wine night at home. It doesn't have to be perfectly equal every time. And then this is where I think small upgrades can make a very big difference. So listen, you don't need a $150 budget to create a great evening. According to Louis Jadot survey, when people think about wine for a date, they actually care more about taste, staying within budget, and whether it pairs well with food. In fact, only 9% said that it matters that the wine looks impressive. So thoughtfulness beats flashiness. You can set the table, cook your favorite meal, and open a bottle of Louis Ja do, which pairs nicely with just about anything, in my opinion. And it instantly makes the moment feel elevated. You're not cutting corners. You're being, again, intentional. And that is really what the Loveflation edit is about. Not less romance, just smarter romance. Now, getting to payment and dates. Couple questions here. First, what if your partner always insists on paying and it makes you uncomfortable or you're worried about the pressure it's putting on them? This is such a good question, because at first, this is a great feeling. It feels nice. You're like, okay, this is generous. But over time, it can start to feel a little off, right? And I want you to trust that instinct. You can appreciate the gesture and still want something more balanced. You might say, you know, I really appreciate you doing this. It means a lot. But I would love for this to feel a little more shared, you know, and saying it in that way, it doesn't come across as a rejection. It's about partnership. You can also contribute in ways that feel natural. You can plan the next date. You can cook. You can bring something thoughtful. It doesn't have to be transactional. And sometimes to unpack this, this is about how someone was raised or it's their love language. It's how they express care. But generosity should not create pressure in a relationship. There's actually data that shows financial imbalance early in relationships, whether real or perceived, can influence power dynamics over time. Not always in obvious ways, but subtly. Who makes decisions, who feels obligated, who feels in control? So even these small moments, like who pays for dinner, they're not just logistical, they are signals. It can be the beginning of a pattern. So just something to keep an eye out for. And the earlier you can learn to communicate your comfort level, the healthier that dynamic, I think, becomes. Because ultimately, what you're building is not a series of transactions, right? It's a relationship. And I think sometimes when couples get into this rhythm of one person always paying and the other person being uncomfortable with that, there is this feeling from the person who's not contributing financially that they are somehow indebted to this person in some way. And that's not a good feeling. You never want to feel indebted in your relationship, no matter how, you know, generous the other person is, and no matter how clear they are that they have no expectations from you. Again, it's a personal feeling that you may have. It's your instinct, and I want you to go with that gut and speak up. You can say, I want this to feel good for both of us. Okay? Now save the best for last. This is such a triggering question for so many people. Who pays on the first date? Farnoosh. And how do you suggest splitting the bill without making it awkward? All right, so real talk. I love this question because it is less about money. In fact, when it gets to this point, and it's more about expectations. In that survey by Louis Jadot, they found that among active single daters, nearly half say dating is a over $100 a month expense. So it's no surprise that this question feels higher stakes than it used to. And there is no one correct rule anymore. I think the old playbook of one person always paying, usually the man, it's not as universal as it used to be. But the expectations have not fully caught up with that shift, which is why this can feel so awkward. The social cues, the signals, all very confusing. We're in this in between moment where we've got traditional expectations that still exist. We have modern values like equality and shared responsibility. That's all very much in play. So it's no wonder people feel just confused. But instead of looking for some universal rule, this is where everybody starts to get into heated debates. I think the better question for yourself is, what feels aligned to me, what feels respectful and fair and comfortable? Because that's ultimately what you're trying to build. Built, right? Not just a good date, a great date, but a compatible dynamic. So here's what I think about it. On a first date, whoever initiates or plans the date offers to pay. You know, that is still pretty common. It's a polite starting point, but the most important thing is not the rule and sticking to it. It is like the energy around it. You know, if someone offers to pay and it feels generous and it's comfortable, then you can absolutely accept and simply say thank you. And then maybe you offer to cover the next one. If you're getting a sense that this person insists on paying, that this is their rule and it's going to be how it's going to be, and that's not cool with you. Well, that's good information for you, isn't it? I'm just going to say that that's good information for you to learn this now. Now, if you would prefer to split the bill, if that's decided, that's agreed upon, you can do that in a way that feels natural and not transactional. And you can say something like, hey, should we split this? Or even more intentionally, just reach for your card and say, hey, you know, let's go half seas. Most of the time, the other person is just as unsure as you are and will be relieved that you said something. Again, back to what we were saying earlier about just speaking up, about, like, the elephant in the room or the discomfort that you're feeling, it's not isolated to you. Chances are the other person is also sensing that something is adrift. So if you are on the receiving end of someone who insists on paying and it makes you uncomfortable, you can still stay warm and appreciative while holding your ground. You might say, I really appreciate that, but I would prefer. But I would feel better splitting it or thank you, and how about I get the next one? You know, the key is not to overthink it or make it a big moment, but you want to be clear in that moment about perhaps some of your values around money, you know, and what's important to you as you move forward in the relationship, that you want to be partners, that you want to be able to have opportunities to treat each other back and forth. What you're doing on a first date, you know, it's not negotiating a bill. That's not what you're doing. You are getting a sense of someone's values. And as much as you might be receiving those values, you want to display and exhibit and communicate your values as well. So have this bill arriving moment be an opportunity to actually get closer to one another in that way, to open a window and learn about that person's financial values. Are they generous? Are they flexible? Are they respectful? And here's something I always tell people. If the conversation about money becomes tense, feels tense or uncomfortable early on, again, useful information, because money's going to come up again. So think of that moment at the end of the day, not as a test that you have to pass or they have to pass, but as a little glimpse into how the two of you communicate. Will resolve things. Agree to disagree. And so we are about to wrap here and I just want to end by saying there's a thread through all of this. We've covered a lot of ground. Taxes, refunds, dating, relationships. Here it is. Money is never just about money. It's about choices. It's about values, how we take care of ourselves, and how we show up for other people. Whether you're deciding to use your tax refund or you're curious about how to split your dinner bill with your new date, these are small moments that often reflect bigger priorities in our lives. So again, the goal is not perfection, it's alignment. Alignment between your money and your life. Cheers to all of us for making it till the end of the week. Coming up on Monday, you're gonna wanna stay tuned for this. I'm joined by Amy Chan. She's the author of Unsingle. Sticking with this theme of romance and relationships, we're gonna talk about money, differences in relationships, prenup, and what it really takes to build something lasting. And a big thank you again to Louis Jadot for partnering with us on today's episode and the Loveflation edit. If you're planning your next date night, Louis Jadot is a thoughtful way to elevate the moment without overspending. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. I'll see you back here on Monday. And I hope your weekend is so money. Sam.