Alex English is Still in Show Business

Summary

Podcast Summary: So True with Caleb Hearon – Episode: "Alex English is Still in Show Business"

Podcast Information:

• Title: So True with Caleb Hearon
• Host/Author: Headgum
• Description: A weekly podcast from beloved gay comedian Caleb Hearon, where he delves into various topics, sorts out ideas, and identifies what’s truly real.
• Episode: Alex English is Still in Show Business
• Release Date: January 23, 2025

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Introduction and Initial Banter

The episode kicks off with playful banter between host Caleb Hearon and guest Alex English. Alex humorously criticizes the podcast's setup, expressing frustration with the host's initial management.

Notable Quote:

• Alex English [00:02]: “Take your right hand, slap the top of his forehead, and wipe your hand down his face. And he can't do anything about it. And you know, at this point, I hate him.”

Caleb admits to feeling unskilled in various technical aspects of comedy, highlighting his unique position in the industry.

Notable Quote:

• Caleb Hearon [00:29]: “I think I'm the only person working in comedy today who's never paid. Picked up a skill.”

Generational Differences and Identity

The conversation shifts to generational gaps and personal identities. Caleb reveals he's turning 30, while Alex shares he's 36, sparking a discussion about age differences and their impacts on their perspectives.

Notable Quote:

• Caleb Hearon [01:31]: “But I am turning 30 this week.”

They delve into the complexities of being gay in different environments, with Alex expressing his occasional internalized homophobia and Caleb offering a more accepting viewpoint.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex English [02:35]: “But I feel like when you say thank you to that, people kind of get a little irritated.”
• Caleb Hearon [02:55]: “You think that's internalized homophobia, and that's okay to have.”

Cultural Critique and Media Representation

Alex voices his fatigue with recurring themes in black media, such as the "swag surf" and ballroom hustling, advocating for more diverse and authentic representations.

Notable Quote:

• Alex English [03:30]: “I'm over the dancing button on black media. Yeah. We don't. We can get it. We can find another thing.”

Caleb supports Alex's stance, emphasizing their mutual appreciation for black culture while encouraging progressive storytelling.

Experiences on Saturday Night Live

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Alex's tenure on Saturday Night Live (SNL). He shares his mixed feelings about leaving the show, touching on the challenges of transitioning from a high-profile environment back to independent stand-up comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex English [21:38]: “No, no. And then, you know what? I saw this interview...”
• Caleb Hearon [23:07]: “You guys are fucking funny. You shouldn't be working anywhere that they need funny people.”

Alex reflects on the camaraderie and pressures of working on SNL, expressing guilt over succeeding where many of his peers struggled to break into the show.

Notable Quote:

• Alex English [24:28]: “I was like, damn, and my ghetto ass got it.”

Personal Anecdotes and School Memories

Both Caleb and Alex reminisce about their school days, sharing humorous and sometimes awkward experiences. Alex recounts the infamous "Malice at the Palace" gaming arena incident from his high school years, highlighting the chaos and personal impact it had on him.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex English [14:28]: “I was there. I was in high school when it happened.”
• Caleb Hearon [16:28]: “Well, you got a job in the city of the. You haven't gone back home.”

They also discuss the complexities of alumni interactions on social media, with Alex detailing a tense encounter on Facebook with a former classmate.

Notable Quote:

• Alex English [50:40]: “I was shell shocked at the fact that I got hit like that right after being like, oh, he’s a family guy now.”

Navigating Personal Growth and Public Perception

The dialogue transitions to how both comedians handle personal growth amidst public scrutiny. Alex emphasizes his laid-back approach, choosing not to engage deeply with every political or social issue but instead focusing on his own well-being and comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex English [54:51]: “What's so true is that nothing really has to matter that much.”
• Caleb Hearon [55:08]: “Period. Period.”

Caleb echoes a similar sentiment, highlighting his focus on personal contributions and selective engagement with larger societal issues.

Upcoming Projects and Future Plans

As the episode nears its conclusion, Alex shares his excitement about upcoming shows, including "Alex English's A Night of a Thousand Niggas," a stand-up marathon featuring black comedians at the Second City in Williamsburg.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex English [62:23]: “So I am very excited to do that. To start off Black History Month.”
• Caleb Hearon [64:41]: “I'm so excited. Thank you for being on the show.”

He also mentions another show titled "Alex and the Homies" scheduled for February 17th at the Bell House, hinting at a recurring monthly event.

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with mutual expressions of gratitude between Caleb and Alex, reinforcing their camaraderie and shared experiences in the comedy world.

Notable Quotes:

• Caleb Hearon [64:44]: “We love you. Thank you for being here.”
• Alex English [64:45]: “Thank you.”

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Key Takeaways:

1. Generational and Identity Dynamics: Caleb and Alex discuss their ages and the nuances of being gay comedians navigating different social landscapes.
2. Media Representation: They critique repetitive cultural tropes in black media, advocating for more diverse storytelling.
3. SNL Experiences: Alex shares candid insights into the pressures and camaraderie of working on Saturday Night Live, and the challenges of returning to independent comedy.
4. Personal Growth: Both hosts emphasize the importance of personal well-being over constant engagement with societal issues.
5. Upcoming Events: Alex promotes his upcoming stand-up marathons and monthly shows, highlighting his commitment to celebrating black comedy.

Final Thoughts:

"So True with Caleb Hearon" Episode "Alex English is Still in Show Business" offers an intimate look into the lives of two comedians grappling with identity, career transitions, and cultural representation. Through humor and candid conversations, Caleb and Alex provide listeners with valuable insights into the comedy industry and the personal journeys within it.

Transcript

[Alex English]

This is a headgun podcast. Since he can't get this right, Alex, take whatever my name was on that line. Take your right hand, slap the top of his forehead, and wipe your hand down his face. And he can't do anything about it. And you know, at this point, I hate him.

[Caleb Hearon]

I think I'm the only person working in comedy today who's never paid. Picked up a skill. Like, I've never. I've never learned how to edit a video. I've never learned how to do, like. I've never learned how to do a thing.

[Alex English]

So you weren't on like MySpace and, like doing HTML codes and shit? So you just had a boring ass MySpace page or you never had one?

[Caleb Hearon]

I never had MySpace. Were you big on MySpace?

[Alex English]

I didn't know I was coming here to get disrespected and be called old.

[Caleb Hearon]

I forget.

[Alex English]

Come on. It is disrespectful for me to have this invitation for this podcast was disrespectful.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're here to get jumped.

[Alex English]

I think the majority of this is gonna be me confronting the fact that I am a lot older than kd. You are not a lot older than me.

[Caleb Hearon]

How old are you?

[Alex English]

I'm 36.

[Caleb Hearon]

Whoa. Whoo. I'm sorry. I had no idea.

[Alex English]

I didn't come here to be disrespected. I got up earlier than I usually do for this.

[Caleb Hearon]

You are up early for this. I appreciate that. I really. You brought this up yourself. I'm turning 30 this week.

[Alex English]

I feel it in the initial discussion. I brought it up. My stuff, though. You know what? You're right. I. I brought up my space, everything to bring us together closer.

[Caleb Hearon]

And.

[Alex English]

Yeah, you're like, I don't know.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, we got a lot of things we could be close about. There's. There's gay, there's comedy, there's.

[Alex English]

Is there gay?

[Caleb Hearon]

There's gay. There's gay sometimes for me.

[Alex English]

Sometimes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Well, you're kind of one of those.

[Alex English]

That's very Midwestern. Yeah, there's gay sometimes, but not like New York is gay all the time.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And if you're from the Middle west, you're like, well, it's not gay all the time.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're one of the most anti gay people I know.

[Alex English]

Anti. And how. I think everybody has their own interpretation of my anti. Anti. Niece. And so what is what would be yours?

[Caleb Hearon]

Mine is you. You really are not like it really is gay sometimes. Like, you're. I don't think you lead with gay.

[Alex English]

Thank you.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're quite welcome.

[Alex English]

But see. But I feel like when you say thank you to that, people kind of get a little irritated.

[Caleb Hearon]

It has a bit of a taste. Yeah.

[Alex English]

Because they're like, oh, he think. He. Oh, I'm not one of. I'm not one of those.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Alex English]

I just have an attitude problem. Like, it's not that I think I'm better than anybody. I'm just like, yeah, I'm not gay all the fucking time. Even if I sound as gay as I do, I'm still not that gay.

[Caleb Hearon]

You think that's. Well, I think some people would say that's internalized homophobia, and that's okay to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex English]

People. People bring this up to me as if this is some sort of, like, flaw, but it's like, should you love everything about yourself 100% of the time? I don't know if that's healthy.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

I don't have, like, a 100% healthy relationship with being black. Really. But it doesn't make me think that I'm like. That doesn't make me feel like I hate being black.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

But there are certain things that I'm like, okay, I'm really tired of being black right now.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Like, if I'm at an event and the swag surf starts happening, I'm like, we need to stop. All right, this is enough.

[Caleb Hearon]

You don't like the swag surf?

[Alex English]

I'm tired of the swag surf.

[Caleb Hearon]

I get tired of being white when the swag surf.

[Alex English]

And I'm tired of ballroom hustling, too. Like, it's in every television show. It's in every movie. When I saw. I love Issa Rae, but when I saw the. When I saw the Electric Slide happen, insecure, I was like, tell me we not this corny. Just put a sex scene in there in the middle of the park or something. I just. I'm over the dancing button on black media. Yeah. We don't. We can get it. We can find another thing.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Before I let go, let's let it go.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's let it go. You're gonna have to carry the episode on being over black stuff. I'll say that. You're gonna have to be.

[Alex English]

You're not over some black stuff, Katie. I'm not.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hey. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I love it all. It's gonna. That's gonna be.

[Alex English]

You love it all.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's gonna be a most portion of the episode. I'll say that. If you want to do gay stuff, I can pitch in, but if you're gonna go anti black, I'm gonna have to kind of let you take. That's going to be more your area than mine. I'm not probably going to go in on Issa Rae.

[Alex English]

20 black people have already turned to stuff.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, I'm not going to be turning on my black fans like that. That'll be a you. A you.

[Alex English]

What are your black fans? Can you describe them?

[Caleb Hearon]

My black fans?

[Alex English]

Do they read.

[Caleb Hearon]

My wife?

[Alex English]

I feel like they do.

[Caleb Hearon]

I like my black fans.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love my black fans. Thank you all for being here. And whatever they're into, I like it.

[Alex English]

Well, come on, don't say that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, whoever rocks with you, you have.

[Alex English]

Your prejudices against black people against anything.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, I don't have any prejudices against black people.

[Alex English]

I was late for this. I don't have a problem saying that. And I know you will never say it, but somewhere in there, he like, you know what? Let's carve out y'all. You were doing ads when I got here. He like, y'all carved out black time.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Alex English]

Cause it's me, it's Sydney, Marie, it's Amina. It's like. And I make fun of them all the time for being late. And I have my moments. But that's egregious, the way that they're late.

[Caleb Hearon]

You know what's. So.

[Alex English]

You might call them out all the time. It might have been Marie before.

[Caleb Hearon]

It might have been you who said this, but I booked Marie and Sydney to open for me on a show at the Bell House once. When I tell you, good luck. I was vamping for 20 minutes.

[Alex English]

Good luck.

[Caleb Hearon]

And someone. It might have been you. Someone who came to watch, to hang out at the show was like, that's on you for both of those. That's. That's your fault.

[Alex English]

You should have consulted with the gay niggas in your life as well. Because these black women. These black women be showing up late. These. Not all. These two particular. Put a graphic of Marie and Sydney right here. These two black women are notoriously late. And I've told them, I will leave you. Like, if it's 30 minutes. I ain't one of these fellas that y'all be going on these dates with. Marie. Okay, I'll leave you.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm gonna leave briefly. Sydney, There was a moment.

[Alex English]

Briefly. Yeah, there was a moment. Thank you for acknowledging her heterosexuality.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Cause it's there, and she's not talking about it.

[Alex English]

She's not talking about it enough.

[Caleb Hearon]

She knows it's bad for the brand.

[Alex English]

Ms. Cindy. Sydney is the type, like, she knows that when she's in a room full of older black women over, like, 50, that she know most of them are like, now, baby, you wait. What are you doing? Wasting all of that? Being gay?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Like, she does that. Like, when she met my mom, I know. She was like, your mama was looking at me. Like, I kept up. I was on stage saying, oh, I'm a lesbian. I know. Your mama was like, bless her heart. Like, yeah, and Cindy is a lesbian.

[Caleb Hearon]

When she was dating guys, I never for a moment entertained her. Being bisexual, though that's real and an option. I was like, you're just an exhausted lesbian is a type of lesbian who gets exhausted of lesbianism. And they go, I don't know, we're going to have to try something. And they turned him in for a moment. But she's back on women, which I love.

[Alex English]

Have you been back on women?

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, no. Gay guys.

[Alex English]

You're like, what, 25? So you just started being gay Yesterday.

[Caleb Hearon]

I just got gay. Gay guys don't do that. When we get exhausted, we just keep going.

[Alex English]

Is that true?

[Caleb Hearon]

We just keep opening Grindr, I think. Do you go, have you turned to women ever?

[Alex English]

No, but I wouldn't be against it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I would.

[Alex English]

I get kind of mad when women don't. Aren't into me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really?

[Alex English]

That's where I am right now.

[Caleb Hearon]

You think you okay?

[Alex English]

Like, am I, like, what's happening? Like, okay, I know I'm gay, but, like. Like, flirt. Like, act like that used to happen to me, and at some point it stopped. I don't really know why.

[Caleb Hearon]

Women used to flirt with you.

[Alex English]

Yeah. But in a way that we kind of, like, knew nothing was gonna happen, but she just wanted to talk to a guy that I don't have a problem. I love attractive people, women. But, like, flirt with me. Give me, play with me a little bit sometimes. Like. Like, don't just, like, have me hanging. I wanna be playboy out here. Like, especially if I'm, like, the only gay dude in a straight place. Like, yeah, I'm over here chilling, you know, and you looking all good. You know, we in a dive bar, watching a football game. And, you know, you know those girls that wear the football jerseys that are like, yeah, I like, they're snatched.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Snatched.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Come over here and talk to me really quick. Girl like hair, any kind of way.

[Caleb Hearon]

You might be bi. Cause I'm never wanting this. I'm never wanting a beautiful woman to come to me that way.

[Alex English]

Bi. I can't. I can't. There's a look attached to bi people now that I don't think fits my aesthetic.

[Caleb Hearon]

What do you mean?

[Alex English]

Like, there's a look that I think I feel like I got. If I'm gonna claim bi these days, I gotta dye my hair a certain color.

[Caleb Hearon]

You would look good with dyed hair.

[Alex English]

No, I wouldn't.

[Caleb Hearon]

You would.

[Alex English]

No, I wouldn't.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes, you would.

[Alex English]

No, I wouldn't. Not with the hair I have on my. Now let's say the hair I have on my head. Cause I'm losing some of it. Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

You would look good.

[Alex English]

So I would look absolutely foolish with blonde hair. Every time I see a black dude with blonde hair, I'm like, this nigga needs a hug.

[Caleb Hearon]

There are some black guys with blonde hair that look great, Alex. I know.

[Alex English]

I wouldn't be one of them.

[Caleb Hearon]

I found them. I'm into them.

[Alex English]

You found them?

[Caleb Hearon]

I found some.

[Alex English]

Where are they?

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, a lot of them are in Brooklyn.

[Alex English]

Oh, so I already know. Okay, this is what's happening. I already know what Caleb's. What? Your. Your FYP has a look.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really?

[Alex English]

I think so.

[Caleb Hearon]

What's on my fyp?

[Alex English]

A lot of photography. It's like, some photography, but it's like the dude who. The gay. The gay bi dude who took the picture is also in the dump with the sunset.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Just so you know, it's his.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

You got a lot. Are they naked? No, they're not. The boys aren't naked on your fyp. I don't think you're like, I'm not really gross.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you talking about TikTok?

[Alex English]

No, I'm talking about, like, on Instagram.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, on Instagram.

[Alex English]

Yeah. What are the pictures? The reels. Because people get mad about. People get mad at their algorithm. People get like. People bring up the algorithm with an attitude, like, I can't believe it showed me shaving cream and, you know, dogs sleeping on a farm. And a naked motherfucker wouldn't. I'm like, that's what you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like that's what you want? Yeah, it's.

[Alex English]

You're mad at yourself. You're not mad at the algorithm? It's a mirror.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm just on my following. I'm just who I follow. And who I follow is just like my friends.

[Alex English]

So you're not on the fyp?

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm not looking. I'm not. I'm not. I don't really scroll like that.

[Alex English]

You don't want to know the truth?

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't want to know the truth.

[Alex English]

What are you hiding from?

[Caleb Hearon]

That's one thing me don't ever Tell me the truth about me. I'm not interested. I've been saying this. I don't want to learn anything new about myself. I know plenty and I've gotten. I like this guy. Yeah. So I'm not digging around. I'm not looking for any more self discovery. Everyone who wants me to do mushrooms for what? I don't want to learn anything else about that. I'm good.

[Alex English]

Well, mushrooms, I don't think are really teaching you anything.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's what all these freaks say.

[Alex English]

I've never taken a single. I don't know who you talking to. I've never had a shred of mushroom that had me thinking about anything or that I learned anything.

[Caleb Hearon]

To hear these freaks telling.

[Alex English]

I saw shapes and stars for like 30 minutes and the house music was a little bit better.

[Caleb Hearon]

They're telling me that mushrooms are gonna unlock a different level of my brain. That's what they're telling me.

[Alex English]

Maybe I'm not doing enough. Maybe that's what it is.

[Caleb Hearon]

How much are you microdosing?

[Alex English]

Anytime I've had mushrooms, it's been in like, chocolate form. Like, rarely have I, like, taken a little piece from like an actual stem and like, ate it. But yeah, every time it's been in like, candy form. And I'm somewhere where it needs to be happening.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Which is a lot of places.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm somewhere that it needs to be, which is most places I am. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Wait, you're from Detroit?

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's get to the basics.

[Alex English]

Don't talk to me about the Lions. Come on now.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're from Detroit.

[Alex English]

Do you want me to jump out of this building?

[Caleb Hearon]

How are things going?

[Alex English]

Oh, from Kansas City. How are things going?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Cause you know, you know, when I found out I was doing your show, I was ready to come up in here. Disrespectful. Honestly. I was gonna have my jersey on. I was gonna have. I got both of the motherfuckers for Christmas.

[Caleb Hearon]

Uh huh.

[Alex English]

I ain't never had a Lions jersey a day in my life. I never really needed one, I might say.

[Caleb Hearon]

And who'd you get for Christmas?

[Alex English]

Jared Goff. Yeah, I got a white man, his last name slapped on the back of my. But it's tucked away now.

[Caleb Hearon]

And he can't even get to the championship game. Isn't that a shame?

[Alex English]

I was ready to come in here. Disrespectful. Because I knew because when y'all told me to come up in here, we still had hopes and dreams. And I was like, I'm about to walk into this. Kansas City, Missouri. I mean, public figure.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's a den. Yeah, it's a fan den in here.

[Alex English]

It's you. It's Heidi Gardner.

[Caleb Hearon]

It is Heidi Gardiner.

[Alex English]

It's. What's his name? Who's the guy?

[Caleb Hearon]

We could do this all day long.

[Alex English]

Who's the guy? Paul Rudd.

[Caleb Hearon]

Jason Sudeikis.

[Alex English]

The guy. Paul Rudd is the guy.

[Caleb Hearon]

Any of them? Yeah, there's a lot of us.

[Alex English]

So it's a squad.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Yeah. And so I'm like. So I was ready to come here being like the only Detroit person besides like, Tim Robinson and Eminem.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. The Detroit Lions fan base is cool. Y'all have some good. Y'all have some good fun fans.

[Alex English]

It was just fun because when you've never won, the country is behind you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hey, the Chiefs were bad my whole life. When we first got good, everyone loved us. Now people do not people hate the Chiefs.

[Alex English]

Well, when you win. Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, they're madness, but you want to.

[Alex English]

Be in that spot at least once for sure.

[Caleb Hearon]

They're like, oh, you pay the refs? I'm like, sure. I don't care. Yeah.

[Alex English]

Because the business at this point, this had been the biggest event in Detroit sports since Mettle Peace knocked. Punched that fan in the fucking stands.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And whatever year that was, I was there. Shit. Oh.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, you were there.

[Alex English]

I did go, oh, fuck my dad. Not my dad, my uncle. My uncle. It was like I was in high school when it happened. Malice at the Palace. Just for anyone. For anyone. Cause, you know, 30 for 30 is good. This is for everybody. Under The Edge of Eight, this podcast, I assume everybody is, what, 21? So they. Yeah, I'm talking about historical events right now. You really had black history over here on you. I'm a fucking ancestor.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is black history.

[Alex English]

You said again, I came here to be disrespected on a Tuesday at 2 in the afternoon.

[Caleb Hearon]

You know what's funny is only you have disrespected you. You brought up your age, you brought up the Lions.

[Alex English]

Okay. Self hatred, like we said.

[Caleb Hearon]

Self hatred is real and alive. Malice at the Palace. Yeah. What date was this? November 19, 2004.

[Alex English]

2004. I was. Was I a freshman? Yeah. No, I was a sophomore in high school. And we, on this day, we had a school field trips with science center in Ohio that we always drove to. And I. My uncle, he gave me the option, you can stay home and like, come with me at the end of the day to go to the game or you gonna have to Go to your field trip and potentially miss going to the game. So of course I'm like, fuck.

[Caleb Hearon]

Fuck that field trip.

[Alex English]

Yeah, we're going to the game. I already been to that bitch. Yeah, we good?

[Caleb Hearon]

And I'm.

[Alex English]

Ohio, please. If it's not. If it's not Cedar Point, I don't want to go to Ohio. Okay? And so, yeah, I just remember being there and I was sitting on the other side of where the fight happened so I could see the entire thing that happened. And so I just remember, yup, Ryan Artest jumped up. One minute he was in this, they was already, like, having, like, a confrontation from the root of it. And then he sat on the commenter's box and all hell fucking broke loose. And I remember not being able to get home until, like, midnight, really, because the arena was shut down. The police weren't really letting people in or out at that moment. They were, like, trying to find the motherfuckers who were doing that shit still. So it got crazy. And my ghetto ass left every single second of it.

[Caleb Hearon]

You were in the stands like, yes, let's go.

[Alex English]

I was having a ball. Meanwhile, my uncle was just sitting there, like, on his phone, like, trying to figure out when the fuck we could leave the whole thing.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really?

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Seeing that would have been cool.

[Alex English]

I mean, it truly was like, oh, oh. Got to school the next day and was the man all day.

[Caleb Hearon]

Fuck of the town. Yeah, like, toast of the city.

[Alex English]

Yeah, like, awesome. I heard Alex was at the game. Go talk to him when you can find him. Like, very famous.

[Caleb Hearon]

Alex threw the first brick at Malice in the Palace.

[Alex English]

More like the first Sprite landed on his fucking head.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, shit.

[Alex English]

No, I was the. Talk about being the man at school. I mean, when you get, you know, you get birthdays at school, you get your mom, your dad showing up to school with McDonald's in the middle of the day. You get those moments sometimes, but rarely do you get to be like, bitch.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was history last night. Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Alex English]

Come talk to me.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's huge. I'm trying to think of what were the biggest. Because there were also those days at school where something would happen that everyone was on about, like, everyone was like, something had happened. Well, I had one once, but it wasn't at school. It was in the summer. I got in a four wheeler accident. I wrecked a four wheeler off a bridge.

[Alex English]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

Into a brush pile.

[Alex English]

Did you have. Did you suffer any injuries? Well, I was.

[Caleb Hearon]

My whole body was bruised, but I didn't break anything. I was, like, trapped under the four wheeler for a little while.

[Alex English]

Damn.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, it was crazy. I was like 12.

[Alex English]

Damn. So you ain't. You couldn't come back with no, like, hey, y'all, I'm fucked up no scooter you like?

[Caleb Hearon]

No, but I got. But I got to talk about it.

[Alex English]

But you got to talk about it. Yeah, but damn. But you don't. You don't get to live the glory.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know. I didn't get anything signed.

[Alex English]

You didn't have to go to the hospital. You ain't show up with the band, with the wristbands from the hospital. That's how you do it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Oh, you really wasn't selling it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

You should have showed up like you was about to sue somebody. You know, like with a fucking neck brace on or something. You didn't want. No, you wanted the story, but you didn't want none of like the physical, the drama, the pageantry, the drag.

[Caleb Hearon]

It was. I thought my story was going to be a lot cooler, but now, Ham, you're right. Not only do we not get to sue someone, they should have sued us. Cuz it was someone else's four wheeler. We owe people money. So I'm hurt and we owe people money. I got no glory. I got nothing. No lawsuit, no cast. I. My drag it. I get nothing.

[Alex English]

Yeah, I got pneumonia in seventh grade. I remember. And yeah, when you sick, when you like about to die. Yeah, that's.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's good stuff.

[Alex English]

You get to miss homework. Yeah, you like. Okay. Don't even worry about turning it in because by the time you get it in, we'd already been a week out. Like. Yeah, don't worry. We'll just put the. We'll put a little extra plus sign somewhere where a gray was supposed to be.

[Caleb Hearon]

Forget about it.

[Alex English]

You. You know, you were about to die.

[Caleb Hearon]

You were on death doorstep. You don't have to do algebra.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Or what are you doing at that age?

[Alex English]

And now you're getting sick and everything. Ain't nobody.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's not the same. My favorite thing to do now when I'm sick is to claim that it's allergies. I catch myself because I believe it. I'll be three days into being pretty sick and I'll be like, fuck my allergies. And I believe it when I'm saying it. But then I get better on the other side and I'm like, so that was the flu. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't make any sense, but I claim allergies a lot.

[Alex English]

You know what I've been. You know what I caught myself saying during this past illness, whatever it was. I've just. Whenever someone asks me, are you okay? Are you sick? I'm just like, no, I just got a little cough.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, hey, that's what we're worried about.

[Alex English]

Yeah. Yeah. It ain't really doing nothing. It's not wet, it's not dry. It's a normal cough. See, I feel like Covid really made it so that people just can't get, like, lightly sick anymore. There's levels to sick. There's levels to sick. Now it's sick where you just like, shut out. You sweating, you half can't breathe. You need to sleep, obviously. You need to drink a whole lot of water. You need some.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're laid up.

[Alex English]

You need to be laid up. And then there's like, sick where it's like entry point sick, where it's like, oh, I feel it. I feel a little tickle. I'm drinking, you know, like something with ginger in it. Yeah, I'm not gonna go too hard, digestion wise. Just, let's just get a little food in me. Let' there's first tier sick where it's like, I'm fine.

[Caleb Hearon]

We used to go. We used to like, go to work with a little cough.

[Ego Wodim]

Little cough.

[Caleb Hearon]

It was like a little cough. Yeah.

[Alex English]

A little cough ain't killing nobody.

[Caleb Hearon]

And if anyone reacted to it, they were kind of crazy.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like, do you remember, like, when, before COVID you go to work with a little cough, and if someone was like, don't cough near me. You'd be like, freak. You know what I mean? Like, you're like. You're like, oh, okay. You're too precious to get a cough.

[Alex English]

I will say, though, it is still back up off me season for sure. I feel like everybody is back to. We're kind of getting back to the whole, like, hovering over each other that we don't need. Like, the way it's been happening is crazy. In bars. In bars. Especially lately. Why? I go to plenty bars in New York. Right.

[Caleb Hearon]

Tell em.

[Alex English]

And. Cause alcoholic, like, I have a problem.

[Caleb Hearon]

I have.

[Alex English]

Yeah, yeah. But like, not so much so that, like, I can't acknowledge space in a place.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And I go to bars typically when it's not super crowded like that. When I know it's not gonna be crowded like that. So if I know that I'm in a space that has some space, why am I sitting at the bar and there's three people in the same conversation behind me kind of on top of me and hitting my stool and kind of coats, you know, hair flinging on me and shit. I'm like, I know there's a lot of space in here, and everybody can back up. Why? There's a weird sense of crowding happening in spaces that I think people need to be a little more aware of.

[Caleb Hearon]

I've always felt this way about New York.

[Alex English]

In public places, the bars and restaurants.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are so small that it's not that they can't make space, but everyone just immediately is used to being crowded. So they're glomming together.

[Alex English]

To start with, it's very sheepish. It's small, but it's like, no, bitch. There's actually so much space over here. I see two empty seats that y'all could be having this conversation, but y'all are on top of my back, right? Hitting me with your coat, not including me. And I. You know, I disagree with a lot of shit y'all saying. Cause I can hear it.

[Caleb Hearon]

So now we get to the heart of the problem, which is that you want to be included. It's not that they're close to you. You're like, they didn't ask my opinion.

[Alex English]

Now it's my business because it's all up in my. I had an opinion where I wouldn't have had one otherwise. But, yeah, I've been noticing that, though. I've been like, I get it. If it's very close and it's very crowded, which bars in the wintertime, too, it's cold as shit outside. So everybody wants to be together and create heat. That's okay when it's that, but when it's empty. Please, back up.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, back up. I'm on your team.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

So what's going on with you these days? I mean, you're doing stand up. You're not doing SNL anymore. You got out of there.

[Alex English]

No, no. And then, you know what? I saw this interview. This is what happens when you get fired from snl. You just watch every interview that anybody ever did that got fired from there, and you're like, now which one of these moods am I?

[Caleb Hearon]

You know, am I grateful for them?

[Alex English]

Am I gracious? Am I gracious? Am I pissed? Am I depressed? But these are the people who. It happened to them.

[Caleb Hearon]

Was homophobia afoot? Yeah.

[Alex English]

Yeah. No, no, no. That was all on my end.

[Caleb Hearon]

But no, if there was homophobia in the building, it's because you were there.

[Alex English]

It was because I was there, either. No, you're right. Yeah. No, it fucking. Yeah. Sarah Silverman, she said to somebody One time. Oh, yeah. I got fired and I didn't feel like I was in show business anymore. And I was like, oh, that's kind of how I feel. I'm like, I don't. I'm doing it, but I don't know. Like, every day I'm on stage, I'm like, bitch, what am I doing this for? Really? But kind of get. I kind of get out of my head, though.

[Caleb Hearon]

Did you like working there?

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really?

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Interesting.

[Alex English]

I didn't fucking think I was going there.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's a mixed bag. I'm 50%. Not 50%. There's a percentage of people who work there that are like, it's cool. I really dig it. It's a good experience. And then the other people are like. It's like, get out. They're like, grabbing you by the lapels, being like, please, God, save me.

[Alex English]

But I would guarantee that 100%, almost 100% of the black people I can speak to that can tell you that they didn't even think that they would be fucking working there. Yeah, you think my ghetto ass thought that I was ever gonna be on that show?

[Caleb Hearon]

Really?

[Alex English]

Me and Punk used to say that shit all the time. Used to be like, bitch, what the fuck is our ghetto asses doing at the H?

[Caleb Hearon]

You guys are fucking funny. You shouldn't be working anywhere that they need funny people.

[Alex English]

It' if you have been doing comedy and, like, you know. Cause, I mean, I grew up watching, like, Def Jam and like, the Kings of Comedy and Comic View and shit like that. So can you imagine when I wasn't working there and then Leslie Jones popped up on screen, and I'm like, oh, they put big Les. They put Big Les on SNL when I found out that shit. Cause, like, Leslie is like, Comic View, like reruns. I used to watch her, like, when I was, like, in eighth grade doing standup. So it's just crazy the way the pathway there for so many different people in general. But then when I think about just like, the kind of culture I used to consume was just mainly black tv. So, you know, SNL was always there. But it wasn't like the goal only. Cause it didn't really seem like it was the goal. So when I got it, I felt real guilty because I was like, oh, all of these new friends that I made doing standup in, like, this past decade have been like, I've heard about them auditioning a bunch of times for this, submitting a bunch of times for this, not even. Sometimes even getting caught, called to do it. And I'm like, damn, and my ghetto ass got it. You know what I mean? Like, they are everybody doing like UCB and Second City and all that. And I'm like, that just was not the idea that I had, you know, for me. So then when I got it, I was like, yeah, I was a little guilty.

[Caleb Hearon]

I relate to that. The first time I got a screen test, I. Growing up, SNL was not a goal for me. We watched it a little bit, but again, I was mostly watching black comics. I was watching like Monique and Richard Pryor and Bernie Mac. And so snl, to me, a lot of my friends were like, SNL was the dream. And I was like, I really wasn't watching it in that way.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then I got to Chicago and it was everyone's goal. So then I locked in on it. But when I got my first screen test in like 2019, I felt kind of a similar way where I was like, damn, a whole lot of people want this more than I do.

[Alex English]

That's what, that's how I felt too. And. And on top of that, when I got to do is the same summer as when I got passed at the seller.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And so, so that was like crazy because in the same like two and a half, three months that I had been waiting and thinking about snl, I started working at the Cellar a little bit. And then SNL's like, all right, bitch, come into this building. You get off the streets, ho. It's time. Put on a suit. It's time to be corporate. It's time to get back in the fucking in a building with the real people. And then it's like, okay, now the thing that I had been doing standup for the whole time. Cause I wasn't writing anything. I wasn't writing any scripts. So I didn't even know how to fucking put a sketch together. I was. I truly don't know. So then I'm like, oh, I'm away from the seller now. And now I gotta get used to three to four weeks being outta standup. Having to commit all of my brain power to all of these different types of ideas and these different people and adjusting to the culture of the environment of the place. And then when we're on hiatuses, oh, I have some stand up shows. And I'm like, do I even have an original thought in my head to get on stage and tell a joke?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, that makes a ton of sense.

[Alex English]

That shit was stressing. But.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hey, what's up you guys? We're going on tour. Ah, I'm so excited. We're going to Kansas City, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Atlanta, Toronto, Detroit, Minneapolis, Washington, D.C. charlotte, Nashville, Austin, Seattle, Vancouver, Portland, Denver, Houston, Dallas, San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles and Boston. Was that impressive or what? I just nailed that. We're going to all those cities and. And more. We announced the tour today and y'all are kicking my ass in the comments. We're trying to add other cities. Relax, some of you, it's like, oh, New York, Philly, Chicago aren't on there. We're trying really hard. Then some of you are like, come to Salt Lake City. Come to Anchorage. It's like, let's be a little realistic. I love you guys. We're gonna try to come so many more places. It's just so many dates and so many other things. I've also got something really special happening this spring that I can't announce yet. So just there's other things in the works. Please trust in the process. My goodness. Well, we're going on tour by the time this episode comes out. The general on sale will be going out the next day. Pre sales already happening. Go check my stories. Go subscribe to the Patreon if you. We already have early access up there, so we put a lot of stuff on Patreon early, including the merch when we did that. When we do our next merch drop, we'll do that. But the point is, we're going on tour. Please come see us live. The confirmed guests we have already are psycho, fun and cool. Okay, love you. Bye y'all. You already know. Today's episode is sponsored by our friends at Athletic Brewing. And I got excited about this ad, okay? Because my sober friends really, really, really drink this stuff. Stuff. You can't keep sober people off these things. It's Athletic January, okay? Where you can do dry well your own way with great tasting N a brews, you can replace those alcoholic beverages you maybe used to drink or sometimes drink in the month of January or anytime you want with one of the delicious and refreshing non alcoholic options from Athletic Brewing. They've got hoppy and refreshing Run Wild ipa. They've got an upside down golden for that subtly sweet way to end your afternoon without the hangover tomorrow. We hate those. Unless you're talking about the movies. No matter what you're looking for in a great non alcoholic brew, the answer every single time, well, it's gonna be athletic, y'all. We're talking about what great flavor. Yeah, that's athletic. Award winning styles. How about that's athletic. Huge variety, guys. It's athletic every time from IPAs, extra darks, sours, hazies and winter favorites like Belgian style Whites. Belgian Style whites? No? Okay, Irish Style reds and more. Athletic Brewing has something for truly everyone. And I'll say again, there's no risk of a hangover the next day. Don't we love that folks? We love it. Not having a hangover folks. You can find these brews at bars and restaurants, grocery stores and [e-mail] and they donate up to a hundred thousand dollars annually to organizations that are making a difference for marginalized communities through their Impact Brew series. There's nothing dry about Athletic Brewing Co. Non alcoholic brews. Give it a try and head to athleticbrewing.com SOTrue to find it near you. That's athleticbrewing.com S O T R U E to grab some fun brews near you. Athletic Brewing Co. Fit for all times Near Beer when.

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[Caleb Hearon]

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[Alex English]

I could think of. I could think of so many other places I would have been and I just would have just been doing standup. So now I'm like back out in the world doing it before. I'm like, you know how they say people go to jail and they stay the age they were when they went to jail when they come out?

[Caleb Hearon]

And I'm sure the producers watching this will be thrilled to hear that comparison. Steve Higgins watching this on his phone, like, what, Alex, what?

[Alex English]

Hey, I'm a black man in America, if you don't know. I know I don't have some sort of comparison to the business system in.

[Caleb Hearon]

This country thinking about it. So you left the show and it's feeling, you said, feeling different. Do you feel like you're not in show business anymore?

[Alex English]

Just in a way of. Well, I guess when I heard Sarah say that, I kind of. It did resonate with me a little bit because you do kind of get thrust back out to like one minute you're like truly making TV every week, and then now you're just back out on your own. And you know, you have everybody telling you, oh, that job is going to do this for you now. It's gonna be so good for you. And I mean, I still don't. Can't see that materialized just yet, but it has also hasn't even been a year. So it's just like, oh, now I gotta like go do standup and just do more and write more than I was before. And now I can. Cause that's what you're complaining about, you know, when you wanna do standup and when you wanna put something out, you're complaining about not being able to go up as much. So. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, also, I think part of working there from the outside perspective, obviously, having had had many friends work there and still work there, is that there's a lifestyle to it. Like there is. Like, it's the cars waiting afterwards, it's the party, it's the invitations to the things that like, you will have that on your own. But like, it's when you're a part of their business, you're just invited to all this stuff and you're putting the cars, and it's the. It's the meeting all the famous people in the glamour and stuff. And I'm not saying that you were obsessed with that, but it's like all that exists outside of that building as well. It's just that you have to build your own business to that level, and that's different and weird.

[Alex English]

Well. Well, what I think in comparison to what I know. Well, the little. The little, I guess I know of, like, what it was like for different people at different times at that show is, I think the benefit that I can observe the most is that I was there. And this part. This era of it still sort of exists, even with me not being there, is that a lot of us knew each other before we got to that show around that time we got there. So, like, I knew who the Please don't destroy the boys were, and Devin, you know, and me are close. And I had known ego a little bit outside of it. I had met Punky years before either of us started working there. James, Sarah, Michael, like, Marcelo. I'd known Marcelo for years before he got there. And it's like. Oh, all of, like, the standups since it was very heavy. It's like a lot of standups on the show. Very little. Like, I think they starting to get back into, like, improv or whatever, but. But the most part, we were all, like, people who did stand up in New York. That's why it made it a lot easier, I think. Or it was just a different vibe in comparison to, like. Cause I hear other writers from the past observe it in its present form and in its present culture. And then there's this comparison of it where we're like. We're not, like, roasting each other to hell all day and giving each other shit about each other's sketches. And it's just like, well, no, this has been my friend for, like, the past seven to 10 years, and we are both in this pressure cooker of a place. And so I don't want to make this person jump off the fucking 11th floor.

[Caleb Hearon]

That was a big difference.

[Alex English]

They wouldn't do that to me, you know?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, that was a big difference between the first time that I screen tested in the second and final time, which, like, when I went in the first time, it felt like SNL felt like this mysterious. Like, I was so nervous, I couldn't believe I was there. Yeah, like, 30 rock. I didn't. I hardly knew any who worked there. I, like, barely. I kind of knew both going, but I didn't Know anyone else. And then the second time I went, I barely went. I. I said no a couple times, and then I went. And I was like, yeah, this place doesn't feel mysterious anymore. I know everybody who works here. I know, like, these are all, like, buddies of mine or acquaintances. I know how the show works. I know, like, yeah, if the second time, it felt more to me, like, the thing you're talking about, where it's like, I know everybody here. If I worked here, it would be honestly because of the people and not because of the institution. Yeah, I don't care about the institution of sns. I like a lot of the people they hire, you know?

[Alex English]

But see, and for me, having gone through it, I'm like, people need to be reminded that this was not part of my plan at all. So I be like, you know, I be seeing some people talk about certain things that I've written for that show, and maybe they didn't like it. And I'm like. And that's where the tough skin comes from. I'm like, honey, I didn't think it was gonna be good either. I just. I didn't have. I didn't walk around there with an ounce of confidence in anything I did. But I was just also like, oh, this is also not my environment. So this is not my show. This is not my environment. So even if I ever did feel slighted, you know, or you know. Cause sometimes people. What people don't know sometimes is that if you work there, it's kind of expected of you to fight for some things sometimes. Like that you want to get on the show or, like, advocate for yourself a lot in that way. And I guess, one, I never assumed I still had that past yet to do that. No one ever made me feel as. Like, you can store in my office and yell at me about me taking your thing off tv, and I will hear it and I will tell you why. I don't think anybody was ever gonna be that patient with me, you know? So I just kind of, like, was always, like, accepting of just what was around me. Cause I was like, I'm not gonna change anything about this place. All I can control is my experience and response to it. So that's just how I moved, which is why I was able to, like, get along with everybody.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Do you feel like a pretty. In life in general, do you feel like a pretty Zen person? Do you feel able to accept things as they come? Do you feel.

[Alex English]

I feel like that's always sort of been my vibe, like, even since high school. Everybody. I ain't never really had no problems with people in high school. Nobody. I had to check one person and I was like, you know, that's.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, I would kill to have been there.

[Alex English]

I think per. You know what's funny? Per. Middle school, high school, and even college, there's been. I've only had to check three men. All of them have been men, straight men in the past, but, you know, let them know that, look, I fight. See, that's the other part.

[Caleb Hearon]

I swing and I hit.

[Alex English]

It really does. Caleb, I really want to tell you. Like, it plays into even us talking about snl. Like I was saying about me and Puggy, I'm like, listen, what people don't know is that before I started standup, I used to be like, I used to really be out here living life crazy. Like, I used to get in fights in bars. I used to really be promiscuous and really, like, bad. Like, if Bad girls club did go gay, I wouldn't have been doing stand up. I would have been a fucking trash reality TV dude fighting on tv. I auditioned for the Real World once.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And I was like. And I got suspiciously far.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I got far enough that I knew something was up with me.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

They wouldn't let a well person get this shot.

[Alex English]

Well, I mean, I passed the psychology, but they were like. They were like goading me into being like, oh, come out on tv. And I'm like, well, I don't know if that needs to happen.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll fight. But I don't know about coming out.

[Alex English]

They'll see, based on how I fight, that they'll get the hint right there.

[Caleb Hearon]

They'll see the other. They'll see that wrist have to straighten up to connect the punch. They'll know who did you have to. You went to Central Michigan?

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And you studied journalism?

[Alex English]

I studied journalism.

[Caleb Hearon]

Who did you have to check at Central Michigan University?

[Alex English]

Oh, shit. Okay, so. All right. I'm not even gonna say who. Honestly, this. Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

You know who you are.

[Alex English]

This happened earlier, like two Christmases ago. I noticed it. So there's someone who harbors resentment, not towards me, but towards a lot of people that I was in college with from when I was in school. And since this gentleman, you know, he was always sort of. When you're in college, it's different. You're in your. You know. Cause high school was like, okay, you in your groups and all that stuff. But if you're in, like a party school, like, Central, Central's not a huge School. Especially if you're like in a black community setting. So a lot of black students got together around this time and decided we were all gone. You know, do the whole looking out for one another. But you know what happens. Financial aid happens. People get kicked out. People get pregnant. People make bad decisions.

[Caleb Hearon]

Is Central Michigan a pw?

[Alex English]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Right, right.

[Alex English]

So there's.

[Caleb Hearon]

Imagine I was like, I don't think that this is.

[Alex English]

It's not. It's where Michigan's C students go to get a higher education. I was a B. A close C, B minus. I wasn't terrible, but I was in attendance.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

So you know, there are certain. Anybody know. And this isn't even like black on a pwi. This could be anybody. You know that when you're in school there are like subsections of friends and groups that break off into their own little groups and things happen. And maybe somebody drops out, maybe somebody's still. But there is this group of college student who they quietly drop out or can't afford to stay at the school or whatever the context is. It doesn't. It can be a litany of things. But if you know, you're still hanging around the campus while everybody else is sort of like at school and then you're only just kind of like around when it's time to like go out. And we don't know if you got. Okay, but you got a job in the city of the. You haven't gone back home. Now you're living off campus because you can't live on campus because you're not. You can't register.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's been revoked.

[Alex English]

Yeah, yeah. Which no one's. It's never really any shade when that happens. At least never on my end. I didn't feel like it. Cause I understood very on that. College was a difficult thing for people to go through and people don't have the funds for it and people don't have the family support for it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Totally.

[Alex English]

Or they just can't see some people. Truly college is not for everybody. And some people just need to put the book down after high school and figure it out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Because that's just the case. But I feel like it also doesn't.

[Caleb Hearon]

Need to be for everybody. It's like it's not a bad hassle for a lot of people.

[Alex English]

Yeah, exactly.

[Caleb Hearon]

Go do something else.

[Alex English]

So even though. So I'm saying all of that because there was one gentleman who. This was his experience, you know, this is what was happening. He was beginning to just be the guy that was around and the rest of us, we'd also pledged a fraternity together, unsuccessfully.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Alex English]

You and this guy, Me and this gentleman. Now, this dude always really had a chip on his shoulder for a great deal of the time that we were. When he was even registered in the school, he just had a hard time. I, you know, wasn't as close with him, but I didn't, you know, I wasn't even like, you know, I'm like, I'm hanging around. There's a group of us, and all of us are homeboys. And I went to high school with some of these guys, and he got to know some of my friends. So I'm like, okay. But he always kind of had a. He never really quite was homophobic outwardly. He never said anything, but I know he had whatever thought. I know he was calling me a. In his head.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Alex English]

You know, that attitude. That attitude of dude who's like, I don't know why everybody like, this dude. He gay as hell. But I'mma still hang around because I got an attitude. Cause I'm getting along. I noticed the vibe was that a lot of the time, I'm like, like, oh, you're mad because I'm really shining. You know what I mean? I am up here looking. You know, I'm fun. I'm from People Like Me. People like me and you are a little bit of a clout. So we end up on the same line of this fraternity we were trying to bring to this school. I don't know why. But then at one point, now, you know, we're on the line. We have to, like, recite information. You know, we have to, like. You know, it's all memorization.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Now, I mean, I know my founders. Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'll ace the test.

[Alex English]

Number one through 13. And the backward, like, I know what to do. This is not hard. A dummy can get through this line.

[Caleb Hearon]

Right.

[Alex English]

I'm number two, and then he's number three. Cause he's, like, slightly taller than me. Constantly messing up. Constantly messing up. Most of the written work, most of, like, the things we have to remember and do, he just could not. And I'm like, well, this is why you here. I see how you dropped out. Like, you're not. You don't have comprehension. You don't have. Not even. You can't even retain. That's just retaining, like, okay, all right. One night, we have to recite. He's fucking up, fucking up. At one point, one of, like, the big brothers comes up to me. He says, since he can't get this right, Alex, take whatever my name was on that line. Take your right hand, slap the top of his forehead and wipe your hand down his face. And he can't do anything about it. And you know, at this point, I hate him.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're like, hey, if that's what has to be done.

[Alex English]

He couldn't even get the question out. I slapped him so fucking hard because I'd been wanting to do that both on while we were pledging the fraternity. And then he couldn't do nothing about it. Now here's the thing. Nothing ever. Nothing ever happened after that. And I'm like, oh, that's crazy. Cause I would have swung on me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. Cause I would have beat my ass.

[Alex English]

Or like, at least when we left, I would have had to see me for that. So that's that part of it, you know. Now he's someone that after, like people have graduated, we're all like gone starting. People are starting families, starting careers, moving on with their lives after being at this school. I had noticed, a lot of us had noticed a lot of erratic behavior on Facebook. Just like a lot of if you went to CMU, if you went to CMU between the years 07 and 2010, 2011, yeah, you a bitch ass nigga. And you wasn't. And you wasn't real. None of y'all was.

[Caleb Hearon]

Y'all was.

[Alex English]

Y'all was fake and phony, pretending to be. Meanwhile, like, people have like gone off and gotten married from that time period when I was there. People have like started lies, gotten and careers and doing well for themselves. And I just was like, damn, this mother. For years he'd be doing these type of messages, whatever. And everybody else that hung out with us noticed it too. It's like he is spinning the fuck out, bro. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

To get a whole four years of a university and be like, everyone 2007-2010 was fake is crazy. Funny.

[Alex English]

It's crazy. Cause it's like, oh, you were also mad at incoming freshmen. And it's like, yeah, they're surpassing. So fast forward or shit, rewind to two Christmases ago. I'm at home in Detroit, bored on Facebook, you know, with my dad or whatever. I'm scrolling on Facebook. I'm on this dude's page. I'm like, oh, okay, let's see. I'm scrolling. I haven't seen his page in a while. So I'm like, let's see if he went off again at some point. Is he still alive? Like, yeah, I was doing that type of scrolling. But I look and I see he got, like a. He got. He has a daughter. And, like, you know, I was checking in. I'm like, oh. I'm like, ready to give him his props. I'm like, look at him. Look at him getting his life together. At least he found something. Some calmness to his life, some quiet, some sanity. I scroll. And this had gone. This had been. I had scrolled far enough. Far enough where I had went back, like, a couple years. A couple years ago.

[Caleb Hearon]

So before you painting him as a crazy person and being like, so I'm four years deep in his Facebook. No. No way.

[Alex English]

But I just helped HEPA to slide on a post and see he had posted. I guess he had just finished watching Pause with Sam Jay on hbo. Now, his review, it's trash, right? That's his review. That's his opinion. His American given opinion. But then he follows that with. And I know why it's trash, too. Cause there's a nigga I see there that wrote on the show. And he wasn't funny in school either.

[Caleb Hearon]

Dang, that's probably you, huh?

[Alex English]

It's absolutely shot straight to the fucking ground.

[Caleb Hearon]

Two in the chest, one in the head.

[Alex English]

Straight dead.

[Caleb Hearon]

Pow.

[Alex English]

Pow. So I was like. I was like, oh. I literally was just scrolling being like, oh, look at his cute daughter. I'm so happy. Happy for him. And I get shot in the fucking head immediately. So I was like. So I screenshotted it. Now, mind you, I do look crazy. Cause I'm like, oh, I went all the way back to, like, whenever we shot that 2020. 21ers left in 2020. So. But I reposted it on my page. Mind you, he's still friends with me on Facebook.

[Caleb Hearon]

Did you tag him?

[Alex English]

I didn't even tag him. Cause I just, you know, I was like, hey, guys, look. I became a victim of the rampage. That happens every fucking year of this man's life. I cannot believe. Yeah, I didn't know he harbored this kind of feeling to me when I tell you, everybody that I went to school with, everybody that knew me in college was just. Just piling on, talking about how he misspelled shit in the post. And so, you know, I did eventually end up tagging him because he saw the post and then ended up, like, commenting. And so I just was like, you know, bro, I really didn't know that that's how you felt about me. It's totally fine. But don't worry, we are all proud of you and your Jordans. Cause he had just posted a picture of some new Jordans he bought from like Foot Action or whatever the fuck. And I just was like, ye. We're all. Yeah, everyone's really excited for you. Everybody is really happy for you. But I truly was shell shocked at the fact that I got hit like that right after being like, oh, he like, you know, he's a family guy now. Like, look at him getting his life together. And no, I'm a bitch ass nigga.

[Caleb Hearon]

Your shoes are ugly and I'm not. Your daughter's ugly. Your life is ugly. I was gonna be proud of you. But no, not now.

[Alex English]

I was over here happy for him.

[Caleb Hearon]

But yeah, you know who I feel the worst for in that story is Sam. J. Sam's so funny and just caught a crazy stray. Just caught a crazy stray from this guy on.

[Alex English]

But it's my fault. That's what he said. He said it was my fault.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, so actually Sam comes out cleaning.

[Alex English]

Yeah, she comes out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Sam, you're good. Keep it up. That is so fucking funny, Alex, man.

[Alex English]

So, yeah, cmu. But yeah, other than those, you know, other than those sort of moments I got along with. I was always every. You know what it all. You know what my life has always been, Even since like. Yeah, since like middle school. Everybody comes to me and tells me their gossip and their business about other people. And then they are always. They always used to be like, alone. Don't say anything. I know you talk to everybody. So I would be like, then why the fuck are y'all telling me this.

[Caleb Hearon]

Shit if you know I'm gonna tell, right?

[Alex English]

But I'm not, though. That's the other thing too. They will like, say these things as if I'm supposed to remember who said what about that was me. In high school, a lot everybody gossiped to me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And I never really was someone who was like, passing around, see. Cause I'd be like. So at a certain point, people will forget that they told me about something else. And I'm like, you're basically telling on yourself at this point, like, because you just forgot that you told me something about somebody else that I wasn't supposed to know.

[Caleb Hearon]

You've spread this gossip so much that.

[Alex English]

It already got to you, so it's not even news to me anymore. Yeah, and those are just the teachers.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's funny. Now imagine what the students were doing.

[Alex English]

Listen, there's a couple. There's like a man. Does your school have scandals? Cause we got. My school has. My high school has scandals that are still not. There's Some open cases, really. We had a physics teacher that died recently, but once he died, somebody was in the alumni page like, all right, peace. Talked to this teacher and they were like. Immediately the comment section was like, I'm not gonna miss his fucking creep ass. He used to look down my shirt when I was fucking 15 years old.

[Caleb Hearon]

We had one of those.

[Alex English]

And it's multiple. I mean it's really. But you know what's crazy is that alumni. This is why I'm never involving myself in an alumni situation, anything with my high school. Stop emailing me, stop pinging me on Facebook. I'm not doing this shit. If it's not with my class, who I went with, who I feel like I can talk to and be reminded of things. These. Like when that business teacher died, a lot of the alumni from like. Cause my high school has been around since like, I think like the 1970s or something like that. All of like the students who are like fucking in their 60s now who are like in school in 1974, are like, you guys need to respect elders. Defending him in death after multiple women are like, he touched me. He made me feel uncomfortable. So it's like generationally, the alumni pages, we gotta stop those. Yeah, we gotta stop those. Cause 80s, baby. The gen X who went to high schools and like, I'm not doing that. On that same page. A freshman at the current at the school currently made a post that was like, on behalf of the class of fucking what? Where are we at this point? 2029, 2029, 20 2030. On behalf of the class presently at this high school, we don't feel supported by the alumni addressing us grown, grown.

[Caleb Hearon]

Ass people whooping y'all into shape. They said, come on people.

[Alex English]

And also I'm like, I don't recall people from the Class of 97 pulling up to my high school being like, do y'all need books? Do y'all need new lockers? Locker lockers. Like so bitch, who are you talking to? Who are you talking to?

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you beefing with a 15 year old?

[Alex English]

Who are you talking. I mean, I didn't comment. That's the crazy. That is the crazy part. I didn't notice like full on motherfuckers my age and like older arguing with this little girl. It's like, this is illegal. This is illegal. Stop talking to this little girl. Stop it. She does not know what she's doing. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Just ignore her.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is illegal.

[Alex English]

How do you even have access to the alumni page? You are still in the public. Get out of here, girl. We gotta get these kids off the Internet. It's crazy. It was really crazy to observe.

[Caleb Hearon]

I have a question for you, Alex. What's so true to you?

[Alex English]

What's so true is that nothing really has to matter that much.

[Caleb Hearon]

Period. Period. By the way. Period. Yeah.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Tell them. Cause that is true.

[Alex English]

That's how I've been feeling. I think it didn't matter. Cause I really didn't come with that prepar. That's what I brought with me on my.

[Caleb Hearon]

Nothing matters that much.

[Alex English]

In a time where everything really does have to matter to everybody. At every moment, at every second, you have to always be thinking about everything that the next person cares about. And I'm like, y'all are asking a lot of each other.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Like, these next four years, I'm not doing it. And I'm not gonna be made to feel guilty by not doing it. When I say not doing it. I think a lot of people understand exactly what I'm talking about.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

I'm not concerned.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

I'm not letting. I'm not letting anything that's happening down there in Washington, D.C. or. It doesn't mean I don't care. But I'm not. Like, I truly believe that this motherfucker wants us to all be as ugly as he is.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And I'm only talking aesthetically. I'm just saying he wants us to lose hair. He wants us to make our skin orange. Yeah. He wants us to look as ugly as he presents himself. Myself.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

And I'm like, I refuse to do that.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm not getting no more in my head what I'm not doing this time. I'm not getting exhausted and then tapping out of everything. That's not. Because that's what people accuse you of when you say something. They go, oh, you. So you're just going to be privileged and not care. No. In fact, I'm staying tapped into the things I'm already tapped into. I know where I donate. I know who I help. I know how I spend my time. I'm not going to do the resistance thing every day. Of being like, five reasons that Trump's. Whatever. I'm not doing it. I'm focused.

[Alex English]

Because I'm like, bro, I did a lot of them protests when they first started popping off, and I was like, the same shit is still happening.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

I don't think anybody really cares if we out here running up and down.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

I'm just trying to stay safe. I'm trying to stay free. And I'm trying to. I'm just trying to not let every. I'm not learning nobody's name. I'm sorry. I'm not learning. And I'm saying I don't care.

[Caleb Hearon]

The czar of bridges. I'm not learning all of them.

[Alex English]

I refuse to. Because it'll just keep driving me crazy. Because then it's like, well, now I gotta spend my time looking that shit up. Who are they with? Are they married?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

I gotta get into they tee.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex English]

Cause the politics, it doesn't it seem like every politician that happens that comes up in prominence now, there's always like, okay, now here's the tea with them. But it's never what they voted on.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's just his wife is the daughter of so and so. And it's like, fuck, now I know family history. Yeah.

[Alex English]

None of us should know Marjorie Taylor Greene's business.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

Because it's uninteresting.

[Caleb Hearon]

We shouldn't know anything about her. That she's.

[Alex English]

She's. Okay. Her elbows reach her. Her earlobes. Okay, great. Like, that's.

[Caleb Hearon]

And whatever.

[Alex English]

And okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, let her be, dude.

[Alex English]

I don't want to talk about her.

[Caleb Hearon]

These freaks. I just can't believe it. It's a freak show over there.

[Alex English]

Yeah. Which is why it's just like, you know what? I gotta watch more television. Yeah, I gotta. I've been watching Cheers.

[Caleb Hearon]

That goes crazy to hear. Just.

[Alex English]

I've been watching Cheers, dog. And I'm just like. Like, damn. They was out here fucking going for it in one location. Very like, you talking like five whole seasons where they just never left this bar. And it was like, damn, the budget was cute. They got paid probably cause they didn't have to go.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, damn, it was a cute budget.

[Alex English]

That's like, just put these motherfuckers in this bar and let these two straights let Shelly Long and Ted dance. Irritate the shit out of you. For five seasons, they tried to make me turn the Internet, tried to make me turn on that inauguration. And I was like, no, I'm watching Cheers.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, you didn't tap in for the.

[Alex English]

Elon watching Cheers, dog.

[Caleb Hearon]

You didn't tap in for Elon doing a Heil Hitler, bro.

[Alex English]

I'm letting Rhea Perlman say the wildest shit to me in the afternoon.

[Caleb Hearon]

Rita Perlman's in your ear. Rhea Perlman talking to you.

[Alex English]

Rhea Perlman is who I'm getting ready to be and from Cheers is who I'm getting ready to. To be these next four years.

[Caleb Hearon]

How so?

[Alex English]

Mean to everybody.

[Caleb Hearon]

And you know what? I'll be here for it. Alex, we have a segment for you. Are you ready for this?

[Alex English]

Let's go.

[Caleb Hearon]

Now, here's what's happening. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me quickly if you think they're true or false. Alex, if you get 10 or more correct, I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars.

[Alex English]

Oh, my God.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is a huge day.

[Alex English]

You know I need it.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is a huge game.

[Alex English]

Tax free.

[Caleb Hearon]

You ready? It's tax free. We would never tax you on it. You ready?

[Alex English]

Ready.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Giraffes have no vocal cords.

[Alex English]

Giraffes have no vocal cords. Giraffes have no vocal cords. True.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's true. Lake Michigan is the largest great lake.

[Alex English]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. Lake Superior.

[Alex English]

I wanted it to be so bad.

[Caleb Hearon]

Leonardo da Vinci discovered that a tree's rings reveal its age.

[Alex English]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Jared Goff is 35 years old.

[Alex English]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. He's 30.

[Alex English]

Uhhuh.

[Caleb Hearon]

Look at me.

[Alex English]

Look at what I know. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm being.

[Alex English]

Oh, my God. I'm being typecast. As. As. See? Dumb idiot.

[Caleb Hearon]

G. Chophobia is the fear of music.

[Alex English]

Oh. False.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. It's happiness. The Detroit Lions were once the Portsmouth Spartans.

[Alex English]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's true.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Mountain lions can whistle.

[Alex English]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Tomatoes have more genes than humans.

[Alex English]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Michigan. My Michigan is the state song of Michigan.

[Alex English]

Oh, why you playing with me, though? Permission. Just kidding, boss.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Alex English]

Oh, I never knew what the name of the song was.

[Caleb Hearon]

Pluto has a larger surface area than Russia.

[Alex English]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. Arkansas has the only active diamond mine in the United States.

[Alex English]

That feels true.

[Caleb Hearon]

That is true. Okay, Central. Central Michigan University's motto is Wisdom, Virtue, friendship.

[Alex English]

Motto. Or I'm gonna say true.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's true. Good job.

[Alex English]

But I was gonna say fire up. Fire up chips. That's the real motto. That's the real motto.

[Caleb Hearon]

There are more real flamingos in the world than plastic flamingos.

[Alex English]

They feel like they. Flamingos feel like they about to be extinct, so. False.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Instagram was created in 1999 as a Photoshop website.

[Alex English]

False. False.

[Caleb Hearon]

2010.

[Alex English]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

The show Friends never won a Name me.

[Alex English]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Alex English]

I don't know why I thought that was true.

[Caleb Hearon]

How you do.

[Alex English]

Oh, damn.

[Caleb Hearon]

Damn right there.

[Alex English]

That's right. That racist ass friends question.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're watching Cheers.

[Alex English]

You not.

[Caleb Hearon]

Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me about white programming.

[Alex English]

You.

[Caleb Hearon]

You gleefully brought up Cheers to me. Trying to corner me. You tried to get me to denounce my black fans. And then you tried to come for me. When you're bringing up Cheers, don't start with me. Knock it off immediately.

[Alex English]

I'm trying to bring you over to the right with me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Trying to. Yeah, you're trying to me down a YouTube radicalization rabbit hole. Oh my God. Alex, what's. You got any tour dates or anything coming up that you want to promote?

[Alex English]

Yes. I hate this question on podcasts because it seems so tacky when people be like, when is this coming out?

[Caleb Hearon]

No, but that's a good question. This one's coming out this week.

[Alex English]

Okay. Amen. So on February 3rd at 8:00, I'm doing a show called Alex English's A Night of a Thousand Niggas. And it's a marathon of. It's just a marathon of black people doing standup at the Second City. It's in Williamsburg. It's going. I don't know how it's going to happen.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's the best show.

[Alex English]

But it's gonna be a lot of black people. Very like two minutes, let's go. And people are gonna burn the light. Obviously. I don't know. I know some people who are coming. I don't. I got some maybes. Those maybes are really like.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, those are the good ones.

[Alex English]

Those maybes are really fun.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Alex English]

So I am very excited to do that. To start off Black History Month. I just wanted some shit to do. I was like, let's get every black person I can possibly get in New York to come up here and do standups. I love that.

[Caleb Hearon]

When is that?

[Alex English]

February 3rd. February 3rd, February 3rd. And then February. Listen, I should always be ready to do this.

[Caleb Hearon]

Never before. Cause we gotta get it right.

[Alex English]

February 17th at 7:30 at the Bell House. I'm doing Alex and the Homies. And I'm experimenting with like a late night style thing here. That's what it is.

[Caleb Hearon]

I haven't gotten a call. That's so interesting.

[Alex English]

Don't worry. Cause there's a plan. There's a plan in place. God is in control. God is in control.

[Caleb Hearon]

Things are in motion that you can't even imagine. Yeah.

[Alex English]

Yes. You guys just make sure you pull up to the Bell house. Do you want to do it?

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know if I'm in town, but I do want to do it.

[Alex English]

This is where my motherfuckers be texting me. Like, hopefully I'm on this show, right? I'm like, oh, well, are you? Are you in town? I can never get. Yes. Well, I'm gonna tell you right now. This won't be the first.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, I'm gonna tell you right now if I'm in town.

[Alex English]

Put it out there. Cause I would love to interview. Put you in the hot seat.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know if I'm gonna be in town, but I'll tell you who's gonna be really upset if I'm not in town. Devin Walker. Cause I'm supposed to do his. I'm supposed to do something with him that day.

[Alex English]

So.

[Caleb Hearon]

So I need to be in town.

[Alex English]

So you do need to be in town. So we'll hold. We'll put a little placeholder for Caleb.

[Caleb Hearon]

A little. Maybe Caleb.

[Alex English]

Yeah, maybe Caleb. For February 17th.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love the Bell House.

[Alex English]

At the Bell House, 7:30. A special guest to be announced soon. But maybe Kayla. But there's another one also two special ones.

[Caleb Hearon]

There's gonna be some good ones and.

[Alex English]

There'S gonna be music. And so, yeah, I am very excited to do that one. Also. Both of those shows I'm really excited to do because I'm just. I'm, like, busying myself with stuff. And I think this Alex and the homies will be like a monthly thing that I like, like, do every month, which is what monthly means.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm so excited. It'll be a monthly thing, which. Oh, sorry. That's where I'll do it every month, guys.

[Alex English]

I'm just kind of stepping that out a little bit.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm so excited. Thank you for being on the show.

[Alex English]

Thank you.

[Caleb Hearon]

We love you. Thank you for being here. And you know, we did it.

[Alex English]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Ego Wodim]

Hi, guys. I'm Ego Wodom. Check out my new show. Thanks, dad. Now on Head Gum. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad. And spoiler, I don't think I'm ever gonna have one with him because he's dead. But I promise you that's okay, because on my new podcast, I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pali Hasan Minhaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad. Like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball. Oh, my gosh.

[Alex English]

Maybe.

[Ego Wodim]

Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to thanks dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket cast or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.