Ali Macofsky Loves Corporations

Summary

So True with Caleb Hearon

Episode: Ali Macofsky Loves Corporations
Host: Caleb Hearon
Guest: Ali Macofsky
Release Date: September 4, 2025
Duration (CONTENT): 01:04:00

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Ali Macofsky in a candid, hilarious, and meandering conversation with Caleb Hearon. They cover everything from the ethics of showering, flying, and improv culture to nostalgia for chain restaurants and the (ironic) love of corporations, with detours into childhood, sexuality, group dynamics, and the never-ending cultural debate between quirky brands and sterile minimalism.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Hygiene, Judgment, and Hypocrisy

• Showering Discourse: The duo launches into spirited takes on whether people need to shower every day, with Ali asserting, "No one needs to shower every day. You guys work behind a computer. Why are you stinky? Why do you need a shower? What are you doing?" (01:04)
• Judging Others For What We Ourselves Do: Both discuss the double standard of finding things unattractive in others—but excusing themselves (“Most things I do are fine. When other people do them—really bad.” – Caleb, 01:41).

2. Travel Etiquette and Virgo Identity

• Planes & Overhead Bins: A passionate deep-dive into why people rush onto/stand up in airplanes, ultimately agreeing it’s about overhead bin space and physical comfort (02:55–03:10).
• Packing for Flights & Virgo Stereotypes: Ali details her Virgo-esque urge to pull things out of her bag, “Headphones… iPad… a book that I’m not gonna read, just so people know I’m capable of reading.” (03:20–03:32)
• Virgo Season: Ali uses the conversation to repeatedly mention her upcoming birthday (Sept 8), playfully leaning into stereotypical Virgo cleanliness (03:54–04:44).

3. Comedic Philosophizing

• Philosophers & Comedians: Ali: “Maybe I’m like a philosopher in that way.” Caleb: “I do think you’re a philosopher in some way. Well, you know, comedians are the modern [philosophers].” (05:54–06:01)

4. Bodies, Gender, and Anatomy Jokes

• Penis vs. Vagina: An extended riff comparing genital ergonomics. “I just think the penis is so ergonomic... I don’t want to make this a binary thing—” “But there’s two, which is easy.” (07:25–07:39)
• IKEA & Gender: “That’s vagina, by the way.” “What is?” “IKEA furniture.” “Total–you need the manual, and you need an extra person to help out.” (08:00–08:08)

5. Comments, Cancel Culture & Being ‘Mean Gay’ Online

• Online Perception: After a joke about "two genders," Caleb reflects on being called a "mean gay" or a bigot online, noting how jokes can be taken out of context by internet youth (08:21–09:22).

6. Improv Classes and Comedy Community Building

• The Groundlings Experience: Ali shares her journey through improv classes, dropping names (and stereotypes) about class composition: “You look around, you go—Jerry, who’s 80 years old. The lawyer…” (11:22–11:26)
• ‘Cool Girl’ Improv Trap: Ali confesses to initially holding herself apart as a ‘cool standup’ but learns to become friends with other “improv freaks,” eventually forming her own clique (12:30–13:06).
• The Performance ‘Magic’: Ali recounts how improv “does not translate over video… it’s meant for the room.” (17:20–17:33)
• Why Improv Now? After a failed SNL tape, Ali wanted “to challenge myself and learn how to do this. Stand-up is so me, so one-voice, and I wanted to let a little fun into my life.” (19:13–19:29)

7. On Relationships and Intimacy

• Favorite Relationship: Jokingly, Ali names dog-human and customer service-person as ideal for their “distance” and low risk of intimacy (19:36–20:15).
• Intimacy Issues: Both agree they’re more open with strangers or customer service than romantic partners—“I have intimacy issues only in romance. I’ll be so intimate with, like, a stranger on the street.” – Caleb (20:27–20:34)

8. Symbols, Bathrooms, and Cultural Semiotics

• Legal Symbols: The duo fixate on the obscure “section” legal symbol (§), calling it “very rare and sexy” and joking about its mystique to non-paralegals (21:31–23:27).
• Restroom Signs: Extended riff on bathroom signage—“When they have the wheelchair guy, but he’s going fast as fuck… they used to just have the wheelchair person sitting there, but now they have him racing.” (23:42–23:58)
• Gendered & Degendered Signs: Skewered both for being “conservative” or “too far,” e.g., “... then you go into a leftist place, they’ve got three aliens and it’s like, where do I pee?” (24:50–25:20)
• Least Favorite Symbol: “Swastika—gotta be swastika.” – Ali (25:34–25:41)

9. Childhood, Religion, and Camps

• Jewish & Christian Camp: Both compare Jewish sleepaway camp (more fun, less Jesus) and Christian camp (more restrictions, less sexual freedom). “Christian sleepaway camp, God is too involved. They’re so obsessed with Jesus; it infiltrates every element of camp.” – Ali (27:56–28:28)

10. Nostalgia for Third Spaces and Chain Restaurants

• What is a Third Space? Brief, tongue-in-cheek debate over the precise definition, with libraries and cemeteries as contested examples (34:43–35:19).
• Nostalgia for Chains: Ali grew up craving places like Cracker Barrel and Walmart, which didn’t exist in SoCal. Caleb notes the reverse: “Only chain restaurants existed where I grew up.” (37:12–38:20)
• Brand Rebrands & Cultural Melancholy: Both lampoon left and right-wing reactions to bland, stripped-down rebrands (e.g., Cracker Barrel and McDonald's): “Leftists are like, ‘removing color is fascism!’ But there’s actual fascism happening!” (38:46–39:40)

11. Corporations: Irony and Sincerity

• Ali Loves Corporations: The episode’s thesis: “I love corporations. I’m so impressed by teamwork and making something work efficiently, even if it’s through horrible ethics.” (42:25–42:46)
• Walmart, Target, Apple: Discussion about which is most ‘charming’, Ali favoring Walmart for volume and value, but draws the line at oil companies for lacking “Sonic vibes.” (42:56–43:31)
• Susceptibility to Propaganda: Caleb jokingly warns Ali being “too susceptible” to workplace sitcom propaganda. “I’m so susceptible!” – Ali (45:08–45:18)

12. Comedy & Gender: Aging and Perception

• Aging Out of Harassment: Ali, who began standup as a teen, notes, “I feel like I’ve aged out of being creeped on by comics… they’re like, she knows how this works now.” (48:23–48:58)
• ‘Aging Twinks’ & Gay Societal Attention: Caleb connects gay culture’s age/body obsession to feelings of lost desirability: “...the aging twink who’s not desirable anymore is like a cornered rat.” (49:49–50:15)

13. Cruises, Chain Nostalgia, and Modernity

• Cruise Ships as Corporations Ali Likes: Preference for luxury, small-group cruises—“Carnival is too commercial; they’re always giving stuff away. I want a Japanese boutique cruise.” (51:11–52:03)

14. Games, Pooping, and Donuts

• True/False Game: Ali plays a goofy, high-pressure trivia game with increasingly hyperbolic stakes ($50, 60:14), then laments her “loss” with classic comic frustration.
• Poop Edging: A delightful digression into carefully timing one’s poops: “I love poop edging.” – Ali (47:41)
• Food Rituals: They debate best donuts and order ice cream cones out of nostalgia, even when the actual food is underwhelming—“Sprinkles are just image play.” (56:30–57:49)
• Needing to ‘Have a Moment’: Both confess to living life for imaginary movie moments—listening to music, windows down, hand out the window, “...just so people around me know she’s having a good day.” – Ali (58:30–58:43)

15. Final Thoughts: So True Moment

• So True Statement: Ali’s truth: “No one needs to shower every day… If you don’t work a job with your hands, you’re probably fine to skip a day. What do I need to wash off?” (63:46–64:39)
• Caleb’s Wrap-up: “You’re probably giving voice to millions right now. …It won’t be good for what is said about white people, but, you know.” (65:01–65:13)

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Notable Quotes

• “No one needs to shower every day. You guys work behind a computer. Why are you stinky? Why do you need a shower? What are you doing?” — Ali (01:04/63:46)
• “Most things I do are fine. When other people do them—really bad.” — Caleb (01:41)
• “I just think the penis is so ergonomic...I don’t want to make this a binary thing—”/“But there’s two, which is easy.” — Ali/Caleb (07:25–07:36)
• “Comedians are the modern [philosophers]. When I’m talking about how many flaps are on a vagina, it’s philosophy.” — Ali (06:01)
• “I love corporations. I’m so impressed by teamwork and making something work efficiently, even if it’s through horrible ethics.” — Ali (42:29)
• “Sprinkles are just image play.” — Caleb (57:33)
• “I feel like I’ve aged out of being creeped on by comics… they’re like, she knows how this works now.” — Ali (48:52)
• “The aging twink who’s not desirable anymore is like a cornered rat...” — Caleb (49:49)
• “Cruise, that’s a corporation I can get behind.” — Ali (51:12)
• “I love poop edging.” — Ali (47:41)
• “[Leftists complain] that McDonald’s being brown and gray now is fascism. I’m like, there’s actual fascism going on!” — Caleb (38:55–39:01)
• “You’re probably giving voice to millions right now.” — Caleb (65:01)

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Memorable Moments & Timestamps

• Improv Stereotypes, “Cool Girl” Mode (11:22–13:06): Ali navigating comedy hierarchies.
• Fixation on Legal Symbols (21:31–23:19): The strange sexiness of the § symbol.
• Chain Restaurant Culture Wars (38:46–39:40): The politics of Cracker Barrel branding.
• Admitting to Loving Corporations (42:25–42:46): Sincerity or satire?
• Game Show Meltdown (60:14–63:05): Ali’s competitiveness on display.
• Admitting to ‘Poop Edging’ (47:41): Left-field scatological confession.
• Iconic Truth, “No One Needs to Shower Every Day” (63:46–64:39): Ali’s So True moment.

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Episode Tone & Style

Conversational, loose, often irreverent with flashes of poignant candor. Classic Headgum-style riffing, quick-witted banter, and frequent digressions that are sometimes as revealing as they are absurd.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a deep-dive into the hearts and minds of working comedians; equal parts vulnerable, biting, and silly. No subject is too trivial, taboo, or meta. Expect to laugh, cringe, and probably wonder if you’ve secretly been “poop edging” this whole time.

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Skip to these highlights:

• Hygiene semiotics & plane etiquette (01:04–03:10)
• Improv class drama (11:22–13:14)
• Chain nostalgia & corporate branding (38:46–39:40)
• The true meaning of “So True” (63:46–64:39)

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

This is a headgum podcast.

[B]

No one needs to shower every day. Oh. Gasps yeah, you guys work behind a computer. Why are you stinky? Why do you need a shower? What are you doing?

[A]

Find vaping very unattractive.

[B]

Re. Really? Why?

[A]

I just don't know. I, I've, I, I don't like it.

[B]

Yeah, fair enough. I, I, I find it unattractive. Except for when I do it, of course.

[A]

Well, that's most things, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't want to be holding.

[B]

I think, yeah, most things I do are fine when other people do them really bad.

[A]

You and I are locked in on this.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you, what do you do that you think other people shouldn't do?

[A]

Most? My attitude in general, my countenance, my disposition in general is not, you know, that thing in philosophy. Where is it? Kant? Who was it?

[B]

No, you already lost me.

[A]

Who was it in philosophy? That's like, you should behave in a way that if everyone did it, the world would work.

[B]

Oh, I love that as a philosophy.

[A]

I don't do that.

[B]

I love that as a philosophy, I.

[A]

Will behave in a way that I'm like, well, it's okay because mostly only I'm doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like a good one that comes to mind is like, people talk about, like, plane etiquette.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like deboarding, like, don't stand up as soon as the plane lands And I'm like, yeah, but I want to stand up.

[A]

Yeah, I'm going to stand up.

[B]

No one else should. Yeah, but I want to.

[A]

They also. I do, I do think with the plane landing thing specifically, people go, there's no reason. There is a reason. I fucking hate that chair. And I've been sitting in it for.

[B]

Four hours and we're trying to get off.

[A]

I want to. I want to move my body now.

[B]

Yeah. I want.

[A]

No reason.

[B]

I want to be ready. Because you know what else is going to piss me off? When people aren't standing and I'm trying to get off the plane.

[A]

Dude. I've been saying the people also say there's no reason to rush onto the plane if the seats are assigned. Yes, there is. Overhead bin space.

[B]

Overhead bin space. And also. Let me just sit down. Let me, let me get to where I'm going. Let me just get settled in. Yeah, I love getting settled in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have my little bag. I want to pull some things out. And if I have a beverage in my hand, God forbid I'm stuck there one handed. I want to set everything down.

[A]

What are you pulling out of your bag?

[B]

I'm pulling out headphones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm an iPad girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I love having my iPad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What else? I'll pull out a book that I'm not gonna read on the flight.

[A]

Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one.

[B]

But I'm pulling it out so people know I am capable of reading. What else am I pulling out? Some chargers, maybe a sleep mask. If I'm feeling really Virgo, then I'll pull out some like hand wipes.

[A]

What about Virgo? Makes the hand wipes come out.

[B]

I don't know, actually, but it's my birthday, so I'm just trying to kind of like.

[A]

When's your birthday?

[B]

September 8th. Virgo.

[A]

Oh, okay, nice.

[B]

So I'm just trying to like, kind of bring it up as often as possible. Like Virgo.

[A]

Got you. I thought you were trying to tell me that today is your birthday.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I was like, that's crazy. You should not be here.

[B]

As much as I love you. Yeah. I would not celebrate Virgo.

[A]

Well, no, I was like, please don't be doing that.

[B]

Yeah, no, Yeah. I won't be doing anything on my birthday, but I think Virgos are like very clean, organized, tidy. So that's where it comes out.

[A]

And do you relate to that?

[B]

In some ways, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

In some ways I can be like a clean, tidy girl.

[A]

Yeah. Which ways?

[B]

I'm just kidding.

[A]

I'm thinking of the really specific way where you're clean and tidy.

[B]

It's like, it's very internal. Like, like, I love, I love a list.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love a calendar. My iPhone calendar. I'll put in there. Like brush teeth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, I'm gonna do it, but I want it in the calendar as well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'll move it around. Like, if I start my day late, I'm like, we'll move it to noon. We'll brush teeth later. Yeah. Yeah. So I like, I like a list. I like a plan.

[A]

I like that a lot. Yeah, I really like that.

[B]

But then my house is kind of a mess. There's dust bunnies everywhere.

[A]

Dust is hard.

[B]

Dust. There's so much dust.

[A]

It really accumulates in a weird way.

[B]

And then I bought one of these. You know when the fires are happening, everyone's getting these air purifiers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I buy an air purifier and now I have to clean the damn air purifier.

[A]

That's the thing.

[B]

It's like, I just, I want a device that doesn't need me to clean it.

[A]

Yeah. I, I do. There are so many things that I do that require like a follow up that I just. After its first use, I go, that's the end of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not following up. I'm not changing the filter. I'm not resetting the set. I'm not. I can't.

[B]

I keep vacuuming the outside of the air purifier and I'm like, this will have to.

[A]

Do you think that's doing it?

[B]

No.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it's making me feel good enough about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where I'm like, the filter doesn't need to be changed.

[A]

That's really beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just making you feel good enough about it. That's a beautiful way to look at the world.

[B]

Yeah. And maybe I'm like a philosopher in that way.

[A]

I do think you're a philosopher in some way. Well, you know, comedians are the modern.

[B]

Yeah. The modern philosophers. When I'm talking about how many flaps are on a vagina. It's a philosophy.

[A]

How many are a lot.

[B]

I mean, I think a lot.

[A]

Is it. Is that standard for everybody? Addition.

[B]

I think everyone usually has the same amount, but I think visually it can look like more or less.

[A]

So it's a bit of an illusion.

[B]

Sometimes they're hidden.

[A]

What?

[B]

Sometimes that.

[A]

I mean, I've been around one, but I, I was trying not to. Do you Know when you see a car wreck?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That, like, I felt like, of course I was curious when I was down there, the couple times I was around.

[B]

Vagina, you don't want to be around for too long.

[A]

But I was just, I was like. I was like, you know.

[B]

Yeah. You don't want to have to stay to make a statement.

[A]

You don't want to stare into it and accidentally see something, you know.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Yeah. I don't want to stick around and make statement. I just don't want to really be involved. And that's how I probably knew. I understand be in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the flaps are interesting. What do they do?

[B]

They protect. They protect. They cushion from what? Life's elements.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My jeans right now. If I didn't have those flaps, scrapy, scrapy scrapes. It'd be so sensitive.

[A]

Well, the, the. My situation is so external with the.

[B]

Penis and balls and I envy that. I love what you have going on down there. I haven't seen it, but I've seen others.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And I just think it's so ergonomic and it's like, I don't want to make this like a binary, like men versus women thing.

[A]

No, but there's only two.

[B]

Yeah, but there's two, which is easy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's simple.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just think the penis is like so perfect.

[A]

Yeah. I really have to agree with you.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, there's no confusion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you don't need an IKEA manual for it.

[A]

No. It's just a straightforward thing.

[B]

You were to pick up a penis from ikea, you'd be like, I don't put the manual away. I don't need this. And it's a one person job.

[A]

That's vagina, by the way.

[B]

What is vagina?

[A]

IKEA furniture.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You need the manual and you need an extra person to help out.

[A]

You need a TaskRabbit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The person who. The person who owns it has to be there to tell you about it.

[B]

And you need a truck to pick it up.

[A]

Yeah, you need a truck to pick it up. It's like a whole. You have to clear like an afternoon to figure out what to do with it.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. I find it so complicated. Vagina it is Sometimes, though, when I say things on this show, like, I'll say like. Like just a second ago when I said there's only two genders, I really will get called a bigot online.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Can you believe that?

[B]

I can't wait for the comments.

[A]

It's really funny to Me, I'm like, you guys are 12.

[B]

Well, it's also, it's so funny because you've built an incredible fan base.

[A]

Oh, knock it off. Your camera is there.

[B]

You've built such an amazing following.

[A]

No, they're. They're really great.

[B]

But it is baffling when some people come along and they don't understand. It's like, no, like these people like me because of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're like, why are you here?

[A]

Well, I've seen. I see.

[B]

If you're taking it.

[A]

I've seen the, the, the. I've been called a bigot a couple times. I've also seen like, he's a mean gay. It's like, you're 12. You are a 12 year old child. You don't exist in the real world. If you think, I mean, you have got a whole lot of other stuff coming. It's really just not. I see that stuff and I go, you cannot possibly think I'm being serious.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

About vagina, etc, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You ever do vagina sexually? Someone else's?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Still to this day.

[B]

No. I have a boyfriend. He won't let me.

[A]

He won't let you?

[B]

He won't let me.

[A]

That doesn't. And I know your boyfriend. That doesn't seem like him at all. I know, but men can be so complicated.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So selfish.

[A]

Men are quite selfish.

[B]

I'm like, here's the thing. He has his, you know, penis. Easy. Totally easy to use.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

I have vagina. Complicated.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why not let other people help me out with, to around in there? Yeah. It's like, oh, you think you're doing a good job?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you think you got it nailed that? Yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah. Let someone else get in there and tool around.

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

And just, you know, get another, get another set of hands under the hood.

[B]

Get an allen wrench. Yeah, yeah, that might feel good. That might feel good.

[A]

Putting a wrench in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, Ali, you recently. You recently started taking improv classes, huh?

[B]

Stop. The word is traveling. I did say it publicly. Yeah.

[A]

The word is traveling. I've been talking about it.

[B]

I've been talking about it. I won't stop talking about it. It's so fun.

[A]

Where are you taking it?

[B]

Groundlings.

[A]

Groundlings. Oh, so you're not around.

[B]

I'm not around.

[A]

This is serious.

[B]

Yeah, but also like the sketch, like, scheduling wise, I haven't really been taking as many classes lately.

[A]

Yeah. Aren't they like a set time per week? That you're just supposed to go to.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But there's so. There's like. I mean, I don't want to get into the minutiae of the Groundling scheduling program.

[A]

I think they'd like it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Our listeners are dying for it.

[B]

Okay. So if anyone's interested, you go to the website you go to, you hit school, and you have to start at the basic level. You know, no matter how good you think you are, everyone starts in basic.

[A]

Which we can all agree is stupid and silly.

[B]

Was so stupid and silly. Because obviously you can tell from the basic classes that I'm a star.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You look around, you go Jerry, who's 80 years old.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, the lawyer.

[A]

Yeah. There's always a lawyer.

[B]

There's always a lawyer.

[A]

And by the way, a huge part of taking improv classes and pursuing that training is making friends. And I'm sure you saying that on this podcast will go a long way.

[B]

Well, you know what I realized?

[A]

Say it now.

[B]

I was doing. I was doing cool girl and improv fuck, which is not good. And I learned that quickly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because in basic, I was like, you guys are freaks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Meanwhile, I'm in the same class as you guys.

[A]

Here you are rolling around on the floor.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Barking like a dog.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So how did you have the realization?

[B]

Well, so then I advanced. I got to the next level, and I show up and I'm like, some of you are still freak.

[A]

However.

[B]

However, there's some cool people here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But because I had this walled off mentality of, like, I've got my stand up community.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've done Marin's podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And others that I won't name. I. I don't need you guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I forgot this.

[A]

I've done Marin, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah.

[B]

You can Google it.

[A]

Yeah. There's Marin and plenty more.

[B]

And others.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was like, I'm. I'm good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there were like, actually, like, these cool girls. But because I had this like, walled off thing, it took me so long to, like, initiate. Like, can I be friends with you?

[A]

Yeah, be friends. What'd you. How'd you do it?

[B]

I think eventually I was like, that was really funny what you did.

[A]

And they were like, thanks, girl.

[B]

Yeah. And then we hit it off. So now those are my girls, my groundlings girls. If you.

[A]

If this was taking place in Chicago in 2017, you guys would already be an indie team trying to set up shows right now.

[B]

I would love.

[A]

That was the move Back then, as you'd be like, I found a couple people I think are funny. We hit it off in class. Now we're an indie team. Our name is Fuckstick. What bar will have us.

[B]

Yeah. I love that energy. I'm like, I'm nostalgic for an experience I haven't even had.

[A]

I remember. I remember, like, the first Thanksgiving I went home after moving to Chicago. I was, like, updating my. My family on my life, and I was telling them. I was like, oh, yeah, I got. I left that job. I'm, like, doing this for money now. And they're like, how much are you making? And I was like, oh, like, 28, 000 a year. And they're like. And then I was like. I was like, yeah, but I got this indie team I'm really excited about. We're kind of working the indie improv circuit in Chicago. And when I said, we're working the indie improv circuit in Chicago, I. When I tell you, everyone just kind of went anyway, and they all, like, found something to do. They were. They're like, those vegetables need to be cut. You know what I mean? Like, no one was interested in that.

[B]

Also, you know that they had no idea what the indie improv circuit was, but they also did not want to ask.

[A]

Yeah, well, because it's barely a circuit. It's like bar shows. It's like, circuit. Like, what do you. It was crazy.

[B]

You know what I love?

[A]

Say it.

[B]

Tell me how you feel about this.

[A]

Say it now.

[B]

The show in Chicago at the Green. The Green Mill.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Paper Machete. It's my favorite.

[A]

Well, Virginia and I did Paper Machete together several times as a duo.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's kind of how we solidified our friendship in Chicago.

[B]

Wow. Yeah.

[A]

She's sitting right over there. She runs all the social media if. For people watching, listening. If you've ever enjoyed a clip from this show, Virginia made it and posted it for you. So we just love her. Virginia, shout out to Virginia, the only person who works on this show. Big laugh from Casey. Hard swallow from Chance.

[B]

Silent.

[A]

Yeah, no, but I love the Paper Machete. It's a great show.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

It's a great show. You've done it.

[B]

And I love now that I'm an improv girl. I love all these improv freaks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. There's some guy. There's some girl. They were great.

[A]

You don't remember their names?

[B]

No. One of them. I know his Instagram's. Like, I. I would have to look. Will, Will, Will and Jen.

[A]

Will and Jen. Oh, my goodness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know who they are, but I'm sure they're fabulous.

[B]

Jen is choose Gen Con on Instagram.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She does, like, musical improv, and it's so funny.

[A]

That's good, because that's usually pretty hit or miss.

[B]

Oh, my God, it's so good. And then this guy will. Oh, I love him.

[A]

Yeah. What's he do?

[B]

He does. He'll do, like, kind of a monologue, a topical monologue. So the last time I saw him, he was. He was talking. I don't remember. And I don't want to talk about it, actually. I'm not having fun.

[A]

So what's the plan with. What's the plan with improv? You gonna put up a show?

[B]

No, no, I'm okay. I will say.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought I was crushing it. I thought it was so good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had my big show. You know, I passed my advanced level. We put on a big show for the advanced class.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I dragged my boyfriend there because he doesn't want to support me in any way. But I dragged him. He's there. And he was like, honestly, that was good. And I was like, if he's saying that he's a certified hater.

[A]

Yeah, he really is.

[B]

He is a certified hater.

[A]

I love him down. But he's the. He's the last person I'd want to bring to an improv show.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I can tell you that.

[B]

Totally. So he's like, that was actually good. And I know that he would not gas me up.

[A]

He wouldn't.

[B]

He would not.

[A]

Not like that.

[B]

No. And so I'm like, okay. And this girl in the class, she's like, I'm gonna set up a camera to film the show. And I was like, okay, but don't. I don't. I don't want you to post it. I have a career to uphold.

[A]

Yeah, of course. And then after you've been on Marin and others.

[B]

I've been on Marin and others.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so after the show, I was like, can you actually send me the video and thank you for recording? And I need to change my attitude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Quick. And so then I watch the video. It does not translate over video.

[A]

Yeah. Of course.

[B]

It's not hitting the way that I thought it was hitting.

[A]

Well, the magic's meant for the room.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As you know.

[B]

Yeah, I know now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now I'm waiting to do, like, the writing classes because I wanna. Yeah. I want to do the writing part.

[A]

Nice. What are to. To write sketch or to write.

[B]

Yeah. To Write sketch. Yeah. Because then. Yeah. In the writing class, then at the end you put on with your writing.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah. What, what inspired you to start doing this?

[B]

I, that's, it's really. You're a great interviewer, Ali.

[A]

I want to just note that no fewer than five minutes ago you said, I don't want to talk about this. I'm not having fun.

[B]

But I brought that upon myself. That was me. I don't know why I want. I think because I think I actually have no idea.

[A]

No, come on. What, what, what, what feeling were you having that led you to do this?

[B]

Okay. I know that people start improv when they're at a low moment. That was not what inspired this. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not an 80 year old man. I. Here's what it was. I wanted to. Oh. Oh, no. This is sad. Yeah, of course.

[A]

I'm not surprised to hear that. Tell us about it. Come on.

[B]

Well, okay, so I had submitted like a, an audition for snl. Like, like a, you know, a tape.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was so bad because I, I, I decided against, I'm sure everyone's best wishes for me. I was like, I'll do, I'll do impressions and characters. I've never done them before, but surely I'll master them quickly enough for. To send this in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I watched it back and I was like, why would I do that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why would I do that to myself?

[A]

Makes sense.

[B]

Yeah. So then I was like, you know what? I actually want to challenge myself and to like, learn how to do this. Because with stand up, it's so. It's like, it's me. It's this voice the whole time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like. And this is what I think about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, what if I let a little bit of fun into my life?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A little bit of whimsy.

[A]

What's your favorite kind of relationship, you think?

[B]

Dog? Human.

[A]

You think? Wow, that's a big swing.

[B]

No. Recently, I've been loving my dog more than normal.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I'm not normally someone who's like, dogs. Dogs are more. I'd rather talk to a pet than a human.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not one of those people. I think my favorite relationship would be customer service. Me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like vulnerable enough and intimate enough that I like. But it's not like I could potentially go back to like said coffee shop or restaurant and like continue the relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's kind of on my terms.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anything else is A little bit too close.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's interesting. Do you have problem? You have an intimacy issue?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah. That's. Yeah, that's okay.

[B]

Yeah, I'm working through it, but yeah, I think. I like. I like. I like distance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have intimacy issues. Only in romance. I'll be so intimate with, like, a stranger on the street.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And then I'll be, like, so in love with someone I'm dating, and I'll be like, what are we doing? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I. That's a. That's my situation with it.

[B]

Yeah. Stranger on the street.

[A]

Friends, co workers. You know what my favorite relationship is? Police officer and person recording them. Who knows the law better than them.

[B]

That's a good relationship.

[A]

Isn't that a good one?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like when that happens.

[B]

That's very fun.

[A]

And the cops like, do you want me to arrest you? You can't stand here. And he's like, per subsection 87, you can't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the cops like, okay, okay. All right. All right, man. It's awesome.

[B]

Never knows the bylaw.

[A]

No, never. He never knows the subsections or anything. And so it's. And I almost. You know, you don't want to feel for the cop, of course, but it's like, it is impossible to know the law like that. It takes, like, a really autistic person with a YouTube channel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To know. To fully know the law, you have to be autistic and have a YouTube channel. But I. It is a very fun dynamic to watch that play out.

[B]

You know what this just reminded me of?

[A]

Say it.

[B]

My favorite symbol.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Whatever the symbol is that is in the sections. Do you know the symbol I'm talking about?

[A]

Oh, yes. The law in the contracts.

[B]

What's the word for that?

[A]

It's the little squiggly. It's like. It's not. It's like half ampersand, half infinity sign.

[B]

It's gorgeous.

[A]

And is that to denote addendums?

[B]

I have no idea.

[A]

What does that denote? Chance. Google contract symbol. Denote. What do we got?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It is a really fun one, isn't it? Yeah. It's got, like, three lines that you.

[B]

Just don't see it often.

[A]

Yeah, it's very.

[B]

Unless you're in. In court.

[A]

It's very rare and sexy, that symbol. You know, paralegals probably. You know what's funny? Paralegals probably don't find that symbol interesting at all.

[B]

They're probably so sick of saying it.

[A]

Yeah. But then for someone like you And I, who doesn't ever get to see it.

[B]

It's a treat to the eye.

[A]

Isn't that funny?

[B]

And I don't even think it's on the iPhone. I think if we were to try and text it to each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It might be.

[A]

I don't know. Because it's so out of context.

[B]

Yeah. Feeling weird and such. Bold.

[A]

I would need to see aggressive. Yeah. I would need to see it on a contrast.

[B]

But it feels almost right.

[A]

That one below, it almost feels closer, like. Yeah. When it's, like, kind of. No, no, no. That's really interesting.

[B]

See, it's hard to find.

[A]

Yeah. You don't even really know about it.

[B]

You don't even know how to begin to look for it.

[A]

I might have to, like, after this episode, try and pull up a contract. Oh, those ones feel. Next illegal. Do those feel like it? Those feel Those might be it. Now, what does this mean? Law concept. No one cares about this, by the way. This is. This is not gonna hit for the fans.

[B]

It's gonna hit for, like, three other people.

[A]

There's gonna be, like, three paralegals watching this, being like, tell them finally. Anyway, we'll move on. But that is a great symbol.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now I want to think of my favorite symbol probably. Oh, you know what? And I hope this is okay to say with the disability community, but when they have the. The bathrooms for the handicapable bathrooms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they have the wheelchair guy, but he's going fast as fuck when he's, like, racing.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because they used to have the wheelchair person just sitting there, kind of lackadaisical, like, I'm in a wheelchair. But then for now, for the bathrooms, they're like, progress. They have him, like, leaning forward and, like, racing, because they are. Can be very fast. Wind the chairs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. And that's what I'm saying. I really like that. I think that it's. I think. I think the disabled community likes that.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

The new chairs. And I hope they do, because I really like it. And it made me think, like, they could be going really fast.

[B]

Yeah. All. All those. It's like at the. At, like, country western establishments, when the bathroom's like a little girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In, like, a dress.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, you can get really creative with simples.

[A]

Yeah. It's almost always conservative, the way that they specifically like a restaurant. I'd like to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like. It's like titties and hole. And then it's like. And then the other One's like low hanging hog. And it's all right. They like, they've gone further in degendering the bathrooms in a way that's like, no one needed it. And it's kind of sexual and threatening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Really weird.

[B]

Yeah. I do like it though.

[A]

But then I do too.

[B]

And then I like to be able to just pass through.

[A]

Yeah. And be like, now I'm a part of this culture for a moment. And then you go into like a leftist place, like a. Like a cool late night pizza joint or like a coffee shop or something. And then they've gone too far in another direction where it's like, we don't give a fudge. Just wash your hands.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, okay.

[B]

Like, we took the door off because we don't even care what you're doing in there. We want to see.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're all perverted in different ways. Yeah. The ones that are just. Have you ever seen the. The lefty ones that are like. It'll be like three different aliens in different sizes. And it's like, who cares? Be nice. And I'm like, where do I pee?

[B]

Yeah, someone tell me where I pee.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. No. Symbols can be very powerful, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's your least favorite symbol? There's like such an obvious one.

[B]

Oh, swastika.

[A]

Okay. Least favorite symbol gotta be swastika.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it's down there. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I was thinking symbols like that I could find on my iPhone. I wasn't thinking, like, grand in that scenario, I guess. Yes, swastika's up there. Although they said that this is every guy. You know, back in the day, it actually was a symbol for peace.

[A]

Yeah. There's actually a Japanese symbol that's eerily similar. It's like. Well, we. I think we all know I did.

[B]

Hook up with a guy who had a swastika tattoo, and that was his reasoning.

[A]

Before we go on, are you gonna want us to keep this in.

[B]

I feel comfortable. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[B]

Because I'm. I. I didn't see that. I didn't see his body see that tattoo and go, I gotta have that.

[A]

I need him. Oh, I need him.

[B]

It was revealed later. And the reason I feel okay is because I'm half Jewish, you know, So I feel like mom or dad. Dad. And don't even.

[A]

I was just saying, you knew.

[B]

You're setting me up. You knew. And what difference does it make?

[A]

Isn't it a pretty maternal lineage on that faith?

[B]

That's what they say. But I'M like, okay.

[A]

That's none of my business, by the way.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

I was Jewish for a couple weeks once.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was Christian for a couple years.

[A]

How was it for you?

[B]

I love it. Oh, my God. Youth group. I don't want to go to adult church, but if I could go back to youth group.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There in a heartbeat.

[A]

It really was fun.

[B]

I love worshiping. I love Hosanna. I love Hillsong United.

[A]

Hillsong United.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, I could just do it. Yeah.

[A]

Too bad about all their beliefs, but the music is good.

[B]

Their music is good. I love getting baptized. See this?

[A]

This was me wanting a bar mitzvah.

[B]

I want. I also wanted a bar mitzvah.

[A]

Okay. So you just like to hang out.

[B]

I love community.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I love community.

[A]

Yeah. You're not Christian. You're just a good time.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. I went to Christian sleepaway camp.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was always really jealous of Jewish camps.

[B]

So then summer camps. Yeah. And do you want me to keep that in? And do you want us to keep that in?

[A]

I was always really jealous of Jewish summer camps.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Specifically Jewish sleepaway camps. So fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And getting to have the experience of both. I will say the Jews know how to camp better.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I never went to Christian sleepaway camp.

[B]

Christian sleepaway camp. It's like God is too involved. They're so obsessed with Jesus that it infiltrates every element of camp.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't wear a two piece bathing bathing suit. Why? Because Jesus.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what's he doing? Like, why is he a fucking pervert if he's gonna get worked up about me in a two piece bathing suit? I have no tits. I'm in middle school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me wear a two piece bathing suit.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

Jewish sleepaway camp youp could just wear pasties. Little tassels on your tips. They don't care. They're like, how? Have fun.

[A]

Yeah. Because you're a child. Yeah.

[B]

You're. Yeah. Who cares? Live it up.

[A]

That makes sense to me.

[B]

No one gets. No one was getting fingered at Christian sleep boy camp.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes. Because God is watching.

[A]

Well, it's such a scary faith.

[B]

Oh, my God. Someone cried at Christian sleepaway camp because they had already had sex.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, tell us about it. I want to know. Oh, my God. It was so annoying.

[A]

Yeah. But there was a lot of. There was a lot of stuff going down at the Jewish Sleep Week.

[B]

Not for me, but for other people. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Other people.

[B]

I was Observing that people were having a good time sexually.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

But do we know if that's true? Because I recently called.

[A]

She was, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People were like, people like, she gave two hinges Hanboya. And she's like, I did. Like, she. She loved it.

[B]

She was cool. That's cool.

[A]

Yeah, she was cool because I met.

[B]

Up with a friend from hu school recently, and she's like, oh, yeah, you were like. You were. You were the girl who did anal. And I was like, excuse me. What? What was that?

[A]

Yeah, dude, there was a. I vaguely remember there. Well, I know there was a. There was like, a makeout spot in my hometown that was like. Like an old cemetery. And everyone called it Paradise. And it had been around for, like, generations. Like, people's grandparents made out of paradise, you know? And one one year when I was in high school, the cops. The cops were like, no more Paradise. You guys can't make out at the graveyard. And the whole town got so mad that they just, like, backed off of it. The whole, like, the adults were like, let the kids make out at Paradise.

[B]

Why? Why didn't they want people making out at Paradise?

[A]

I guess the cops were just like, that. We shouldn't be letting teens just go to the cemetery. And, like. And around up there, it's like, dangerous. They're leaving alcohol bottles or something. And then the parents were like, come on, man.

[B]

Cemeteries are a third space.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We need more third spaces.

[A]

Ye do. Okay. And you're. I think you used it correctly, but do you think people.

[B]

That was my first time using it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I was wondering. Cause people. I don't think people are using it correctly.

[B]

I don't know if I used it correctly. I've heard it.

[A]

Well, you used it as, like, a joke in the correct way. But, like, people were being like, ugh, I love a third space. And then they're like, at a restaurant. I'm like, I don't. Is a restaurant a third space?

[B]

I think it's a restaurant.

[A]

Yeah. I think third space is supposed to be, like, a place where you don't have to spend money to hang out, isn't it?

[B]

I think so, yeah. Like a place to gather.

[A]

Yeah. Like a gazebo in a park or something.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I also don't ever.

[B]

A library.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But you can be loud.

[A]

No, but I don't think that's a requirement of third space.

[B]

I feel like libraries need to do some rebranding.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I feel like maybe because I feel like people, you know, the third space.

[A]

Is A term coined by US sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book, the Great Good Place. It describes a place outside your home or work where you can relax and hang out. Your first place is your home, a private and domestic space. So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong, but I do think this happens every once in a while. The culture gets really. The culture gets really hooked on one idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just have to hear about it forever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like right now, it's this thing, and I've been part of it, and I actually really like it. But there's. I'm sure you've heard the bunch. The. Like, the cost of community is inconvenience. That's like, everyone's on that right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I don't see many people acting differently. But. But I like that phrase. I think that's true. But it's just got. It's getting ubiquitous to a point now where I'm like, all right, now I'm feeling the need to be contrarian and annoying about it. You know, I agree with it.

[B]

And I feel like sometimes, like, phrases like that will be weaponized.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where it's like, you'll ask someone to, like, I don't know, do something for you, take you to the airport, and they're like, us. You don't want community. I'll remember that when your house is burning.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was there when your baby was sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So maybe take off work to take me to the airport. That's the cost of community.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think I really like it as an idea. I wonder what it is in me that wants to stop hearing about it, though, you know, because it's an idea that I do like.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe the phrasing. It feels like it would be on a wooden. Like a wooden.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It would be etched in wood and sold. A Cracker Barrel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not anymore. How you feel about that?

[B]

I'm sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love Cracker Barrel.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I love crack. I love. I love. I grew up in Southern California. I grew up in Long Beach. And so franchises and chains like Cracker Barrel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just didn't exist.

[A]

Etc.

[B]

Waffle House and others.

[A]

Yeah. Marin Cracker Barrel.

[B]

Others.

[A]

Others.

[B]

Yeah. They didn't exist. So I feel like when I travel and I see one, I'm like, I must go. Yeah, I must go.

[A]

That's really beautiful. Opposite. For me, chain restaurants only existed. And then when I got to, like, Chicago and there were restaurants that were like, farm to table like, cute, like, chic restaurants. I was like, whoa, that's crazy. At first I hated them because I was like, I don't know what. None of these are a blooming onion. I truly. When I first moved out of Missouri as like a, like a 22 year old, I was like, why would we go to a restaurant that has tapas? Like, I don't understand how to eat that. I get an entree, we get a nap.

[B]

Why would we have a restaurant where the menu's changing seasonally? Yeah, I want to have a familiar favorite.

[A]

I want my favorite dish. Took it out of season.

[B]

I don't want to look at the menu.

[A]

Yeah, see, that's not a good way to eat though, right?

[B]

Totally.

[A]

But that was my life.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You understand? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Yeah, I do. Cracker Barrel. I. Here's what I'll say.

[B]

And they have games at the table, by the way.

[A]

Here's what I'll say about everyone getting bent out of shape about the rebrand. Do I like the rebrand? No. I think it's ugly and hideous. But all these, like, left wing people, the right wing people are upset about it because they're like, we, like when America was white or whatever. That's their thing. They're like, they're like, it used to be okay to be a white man in a rocking chair or whatever. They've got their whole own thing with it.

[B]

It.

[A]

But then leftist people, when I make fun of the right wing people, they're going, they're going, well, you know, stripping color and character from branding is part of fascism. They're all really on that right now.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Like McDonald's. McDonald's being brown and gray now, that's fascism. I'm like, you know, we have actual fascism going on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not just your favorite restaurant looking a little bland. There's like actual shit I'd like you to tap in on. Yeah, but leftists are, like, taking up the mantle. As mad as. They're like, they're like, no, it's important that Cracker Barrel is a guy in a rocking chair. I'm like, we actively have troops going to cities. Cities. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, this is the only thing about fascism they want to talk about. And I'm like, are we this stupid or.

[B]

Yeah, I, I. People who work for ICE aren't walking into Cracker Barrel being like, yeah.

[A]

No, I'm like, I. But I'm like, of course I agree. I miss when taco Bell was goofy, you know, or whatever, but I'm like, you guys are only latching on to this one thing, and I find it annoying.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's fair. And I support you finding that annoying.

[A]

Thank you, dude. Yeah, thank you.

[B]

Yeah, I get that. That.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

I want the play pit at McDonald's for sure. I miss birthdays at McDonald's. I had a birthday at McDonald's. It was like, one of the best birthdays ever.

[A]

It's really cool to do that.

[B]

Ronald. When you get Ronald at your birthday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. Kids are going crazy.

[A]

That's really neat.

[B]

And you play. You.

[A]

We used to hang out at McDonald's in high school.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh, yeah. We'd drive over there. It was right on the edge of.

[B]

Town, like, after school.

[A]

No, it was more like. We'd be like. It'd be like a Friday night and we'd have nothing to do. So we'd be like, you guys want to walk around Walmart and take pictures on our digital cameras?

[B]

Fun.

[A]

And so we'd like, put on, like, a Moo Moo mint for an old person and be like. We take a whole album of digital pictures and then we actually go hang out at McDonald's for a little bit and, like, share fries.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was truly. Growing up in Missouri in 2012 was like living in the 1950s.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

You guys want to have. You guys want to, like, do, like, drag. Drag down the strip and go have some milkshakes?

[B]

See, Walmart's another one that I didn't grow up with. So whenever I see it, I'm like, I have to go in and it is gorgeous. This.

[A]

I'm feeling so sad for you right now.

[B]

I know.

[A]

In high school, I got my. I got my groceries, my tires changed, and my haircut at Walmart, like, every. Every time I needed those things.

[B]

That's so incredible.

[A]

Haircut at Walmart. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It was neat. And the girls in there were sweet to me.

[B]

And is there, like, a doctor at Walmart as well? I feel like. Yeah, I feel like doctors should start going into Walmarts and Costco's probably.

[A]

We probably should be putting doctors in Walmarts. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just based on the clientele, I would.

[B]

Love to be able to see a doctor. I. I just video chatted with a doctor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was so fun. And I'm like, doctors need to be more accessible in, like, outdoors.

[A]

Actually. Literally the least that Walmart could do for all the evils that they've done in this country, the Walton family is all in so much trouble when they die. But for all the evil they've done, the least they could do is put a doctor in every store and be like, hey, four hours a day, Free checkups if you need them.

[B]

I would love that.

[A]

That would cost them almost nothing and would be actually, like, such a We actually, I think all of us would. Nice. You know, what is this? Walmart Health is closed.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

June 2024. Permanently closed. This is a. They're no longer seeing patients. I'd like to know how that program worked and why they closed it. There's no chance that the customers at Walmart didn't need to be getting the blood pressure checked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I used to love that as a kid. Putting my arm in the little sleeves. So fun, that fun.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

Feeling it squeeze and legitimately getting stressed out.

[B]

Yeah. Being like, I'm going to be stuck here forever.

[A]

Yeah. I live in St. Yeah. That's really scary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But in all seriousness, corporations, I like. You don't.

[B]

No, I do, but I think you're making a joke and I'm being serious.

[A]

You like corporations?

[B]

I love corporations.

[A]

Which ones are your favorites?

[B]

All of them, I think. I, I'm so impressed by, by teamwork and by, like, making something work efficiently, even if it's through horrible ethics.

[A]

Awesome perspective.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What's your favorite corporation? You think for real? Really think about it.

[B]

I will. I am. Name a couple corporations.

[A]

BP Oil, Walmart, Apple.

[B]

The oil ones. No, oil's gross to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If gas stations were, like, a sexy place to be, like, if it was like, old school where, like, people are filling up your gas and, like, everyone had, like, a fun outfit and maybe it was like, you could get the.

[A]

Children yearn for New Jersey. Jersey.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're doing that out there, but they're.

[B]

Not, like, being sexy about it.

[A]

No, you're right. They're actually pretty put upon.

[B]

Like, if it was kind of like sonic vibes where, like, they're on roller skates coming up to your window and you could also get, like, a milkshake, then maybe I would love it. But as of now, the oil, the big oil companies are not, like, doing it for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What else did you say?

[A]

Walmart, Apple, Target. Trying to think of the big corporations, like BlackRock.

[B]

I like, I, I, I guess Walmart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a big one.

[B]

Yeah, I guess so. I really am charmed when I see it. I love how many things they have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Prices are good.

[A]

Yeah. You know, have you ever read the book Nickel and Dimed?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's written in like the late 90s, early 2000s. This writer from New York went undercover as like a low wage worker and like in like Florida, Minnesota and maybe like Rhode Island, a couple different states. And she set out these rules for herself that she's like, I won't dip into my actual money savings. I won't, I won't take my nice clothes. I'm gonna go, like, really try and like make a living as a low wage worker. She was kind of like, oh, I'm in New York. And everyone talks about these, like, working poor people. Like these people that are like working full time but are still poor, you know, because it was at that time becoming kind of a new thing. And she went and did it in one of the places she worked, maybe it was in Florida. She worked at a Walmart and she wrote about. It's a really great book. People should read it if they haven't. But she wrote about all her different jobs and the part about the Walmart.

[B]

Was probably my favorite because it was so effed up.

[A]

It wasn't the most fucked up job she had, but it was. The most fucked up job she had was for a cleaning service, I would say. But the Walmart was just so like. I mean, that was in the 90s and they've only gotten better at their, like, exploitation of workers stuff. They've like, really.

[B]

Superstores, property, propaganda.

[A]

Superstore.

[B]

Superstore.

[A]

I never saw it.

[B]

I just started watching it.

[A]

Oh, was America Ferreira in there?

[B]

America Ferreira.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

It's cute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm so susceptible to propaganda. I'm like, I would love to work at a superstore.

[A]

Yeah, I do. I'm worried that you're susceptible to propaganda because you did just tell me you love corporations.

[B]

Corporations?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm not a good person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But not because of my heart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's because of the world around me.

[A]

I think you have a good. I do think you have a good heart and I, I would love to see you different in terms of the corporation thing, you know?

[B]

No, I. And totally. No, and totally.

[A]

You think you have a good. You think you have a good heart and soul and you're just in an evil world? Is that kind of what's going on?

[B]

Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Do you feel, do you feel genuinely susceptible to like. Do you feel susceptible to, like, peer pressure?

[B]

Yeah, it depends what peer is pressuring me.

[A]

Yeah. What could I do?

[B]

It's a cool ass pier.

[A]

What Could I get you to do?

[B]

You got me to not vape.

[A]

You did still do it.

[B]

And if I didn't respect. Well, you allowed it. You gave me one free pass. If I didn't respect you, I'd be like, well, I'm going to. I wouldn't have even asked.

[A]

Yeah, you wouldn't have even come probably.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We're recording this at 9:00am yeah. Which I don't know if that's tough for you, but.

[B]

But well, I requested earlier.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[B]

It was originally 9:30.

[A]

Yeah, I noticed that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

Good morning.

[B]

Hey, good morning, princess.

[A]

Are you a morning person?

[B]

I can be. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah. I Woke up at 7.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Cause I had to walk my dog. I had to put my gorgeous face on.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you do look stunning.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I am as I get older, getting better at like I used to. Like if my first thing was at 10am I'd sleep right up until I needed to get up to shower and do the thing. I am starting to understand old people a little bit as I get closer to them of like getting up two hours before you need to be. To be like, let me have my time.

[B]

Yes. I love it.

[A]

This is my time. I'm gonna read, I'm gonna do my coffee, I'm gonna be slow. Cause you know what would happen? I'd need to be somewhere at 10. Means I gotta leave at 9:30 means I gotta get in the shower by 9. That's all if I rush. So I get up at 8:55 and then guess what would happen some of the times? 20 minute poop.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know those mornings where you planned everything down to the minute, especially when you need to go to the airport?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You planned everything down to the minute and then you wake up and you sit down to poop and you're like, oh no, this isn't a four minuter. This is 23 minutes. And I'm out of emails.

[B]

I don't want to like brag, but I'm a quick pooper.

[A]

No, me too, normally. But I'm saying sometimes. Does the long one ever sneak up on you?

[B]

Occasionally.

[A]

Your tummy really hurts.

[B]

Occasionally.

[A]

And you like smoked weed and ate a little something you shouldn't have before bed.

[B]

But I'm also, I can hold one in for a long time.

[A]

Like I won't do that.

[B]

I love it. I love like poop edging. Oh my God. I didn't like the way it came out. Yeah, but I mean what I said.

[A]

Yeah, you like holding in your poop okay.

[B]

Yeah. Like building.

[A]

Okay. What else you want to talk about?

[B]

Anything else?

[A]

Anything else? Well, you're a woman in comedy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How's that?

[B]

It's good.

[A]

The guys cool or.

[B]

Guys are fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like I've aged out of like being like creeped on. I feel like when I first started and was doing open mics.

[A]

Probably true and really sad, but.

[B]

Yeah, it's definitely true.

[A]

You did your first open mic when you were 17?

[B]

I think so. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then, but then I didn't actually start again until like a year or two later. So I was like like 18 or 19 when I actually started.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the only people who were really actually like legitimately gross were like other loser open micros.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Except for a few other like actual comics.

[A]

Yeah. And you feel like you've aged out of that.

[B]

Yeah, I've aged out of it.

[A]

That sounds like men. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like I've gotten too smart. They're like, oh, she knows how this works now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you don't seem like an easy mark. Yeah. That's really scary and crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's kind of sad more than kinda. Yeah.

[B]

No, I mean like no one's pervin on me.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It's a little bit sad.

[A]

Totally. I would love for you to get.

[B]

Also the actual perving is sad.

[A]

I've talked about this on here before, I'm pretty sure. But I have gone through this phenomenon with several gay guys that I know that when they were 20 everyone was trying to fuck them all the time. Free drinks, free food, free trips, free what? Just like, like attention, attention, attention. And then you age out of that because we have a sick society that's like age obsessed and body obsessed. And that's all. Yeah, it's. It's a million different phobias and. And weird things wrapped into one. But then you age out of it. And the aging twink who's not like in mass desirable anymore is one of the. It's like a cornered rat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to be care. Very careful. They could go any. They're very scared and they're. They're out of resources.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's very scary for them. And I'm being half kidding and half sincere. They don't know how to operate because they're like, I've always been so desired.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that was my lifeblood. And now I'm not desired and I'm like, oh well, I never got that kind of attention in mass. I got it plenty here and there. But I Never got it as like my constant everyday thing. So I'm chilling as I get older.

[B]

That's so true.

[A]

My thing's only getting better and better. And it's been interesting to watch. And I don't say this in any way of being happy about it. I'm really like worried for some of these people that I like. But it would be very hard to deal with that. To deal with like the taking away of like. It's like that. That study they did where you smile if a baby smiles at you and you don't smile back, they start crying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm saying it's like you're getting this positive feedback all the time. It's a positive feedback loop of, you're so sexy. We want you, we want you, we want you. And then all of a sudden you're the crypt keeper.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like when you're the hot person, it's like you're getting invited on boats.

[A]

Literally, you're just.

[B]

But. But it's like it wasn't even in the plan. Like you just happen to be near a body of water and someone's like, get on my boat.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And then you age out of it or whatever happens, happens. And then you're like booking yourself a Carnival cruise.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To have just a semblance of what once was.

[A]

Yeah. And that. Yeah.

[B]

I love a cruise that's a corporation. I can get behind Carnival. Any cruise line you ever. Not Carnival. Carnival's a little bit too commercially. Like, like they almost you like in a diy. I feel like they give away free tickets. Carnival. Yeah. I feel like they're like, buy, buy three get free. Oh, are they like there's a little bit too much of a discount happening.

[A]

I did just see a Japanese cruise I really want to go on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I saw this article that was like small luxury cruises.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And there was this Japanese one that goes down a big river in Japan and it was like a boutique cruise. Like a boat that's like. But it's like a five star hotel on the boat.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's not for like big deck parties with pools and it's like very sleek.

[B]

It's luxury.

[A]

Luxury. Like quiet. Like it's meant for like reading and eating incredible sushi. And like it's a. There's maybe like, like 30 people on the boat or something.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I want to do that.

[B]

That's like the boat on the Triangle of Sadness.

[A]

Triangle of Sadness. I did not see what happens in that.

[B]

They're on a boat and everyone's hot and it's good.

[A]

Must be something more based on the.

[B]

There is more. Yeah. It's been a while, though.

[A]

Okay, well, don't spoil it because maybe I'll see it.

[B]

It's good. It's. It's. Chaos ensues, let me tell you.

[A]

Yeah, I believe you too.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And Harris Dickinson, isn't it.

[A]

So that's actually a young man that I need pretty bad.

[B]

Yes. Oh, I thought you were going to go in a different way. Yeah, he.

[A]

He's so hot.

[B]

He. I. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, he's really hot and he knows it. And it's.

[B]

My mouth is salivating.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

I've spent time on his Instagram. He's in. He's. He's in a beautiful relationship. He's had this girlfriend for a long time.

[A]

I've spent time on Instagram. Is so funny, dude. I've logged some hours on his Insta. He's been. He's in a long term relationship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I'm a real Harris Dickinson Stan because he. My favorite movie of his is Beach Rats. Do you know this one? Really, really good indie movie that he did before, before all the other stuff. And he's incredible in it.

[B]

Of course he is.

[A]

He's incredible in it.

[B]

And what's. Like, what's so annoying about him is I feel like I have a chance.

[A]

Well, you. I. He should want you. But I just. You guys don't know each other and he has a beautiful girlfriend that you know about, so I'm like. What do you mean by that?

[B]

Like him as a person. Like. Also, I picked off my lip and it's bleeding.

[A]

Who is he? I don't see anything.

[B]

I can taste it.

[A]

Well, it's probably just knowledge to you, but there's no. You don't look like it. You don't even have to say it.

[B]

I just. Okay. I wasn't sure if I was like, just fully bleeding and you guys were like.

[A]

No, if you. If you. Well, don't worry. We just put out an episode where I have donut on my face the whole episode. Oh, no one said anything to me. No, you wish. Giant chocolate chunk of donut on the side of my face. Yeah. No one says anything to me. Everyone getting paid. Everyone getting paid to work on the show. No one says anything. People. People getting paid plenty.

[B]

I would have said something.

[A]

I know you would have. And you don't even get paid here. My friend's sitting across me, but maybe that's why. Yeah. Wow. Complacency. They're on the government team Teeth. They're getting complacent over there because they're on the government teat. They're just getting fat off of government bread and cheese. And now they don't want to tell their. They don't want to tell their old friend because now I'm. Now I'm boss, you know? Now they want to see me. They want to see me look foolish in front of everyone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they don't remember when we were just friends. Now I'm their boss, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they, they fear. They fear and revile me. It's really sick stuff. But I think you have a chance.

[B]

Good wake up call though, though.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Good wake up call.

[A]

Well, I don't have friends anymore, you know.

[B]

You have employees.

[A]

I have employees. Everyone's on the payroll.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they want to see me look stupid.

[B]

I want to watch your fall.

[A]

I look like a fool. And they delight in it.

[B]

You're the next cracker barrel. They're taking away all your shine.

[A]

Yes. They're going to. I'm. I'm a white man in a rocking chair and they're going to replace me with a. A letter. Yeah, they're going to replace me with a type face.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

It's sick. I've been nothing but good to these people, you know? It's really sick.

[B]

Why were there donuts?

[A]

I got hungry.

[B]

Okay, it's. There's no donuts today.

[A]

Oh, I.

[B]

It's not like a. In studio, like so.

[A]

So I would be happy to get you a donut number one, when we finish this. And number two, this isn't like I brought donuts for the guests. It's like on my way over to the studio, I ate a donut while.

[B]

Okay, got it, got it, got it.

[A]

Yeah. But I'd be more than happy.

[B]

I just wasn't sure if there was like donuts somewhere in here and I just hadn't discovered them yet.

[A]

You know? Maybe I don't treat my guests and my staff well enough. Maybe I, Maybe that's why that people let me look like Jabba the Hut on the last episode. Maybe I, Maybe, maybe that's on me.

[B]

You're a chocolate donut guy.

[A]

Sting with the man in the mirror. Yeah, I'd be happy to eat many kinds of donuts. But if there's a chocolate donut, I'm gonna have no problem going into that.

[B]

What's your first pick? Donut.

[A]

My number one donut. All time. Glazed. Plain glazed.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Because when you do It. Right. It's the perfect donut. It's a classic for a reason, Ally. Yeah, but I also like a. A cake donut, A chocolate cake donut.

[B]

Okay. With like, sprinkles.

[A]

No, no, sprinkles. Sprinkles piss me off.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

On. Cuz guess what I did recently? Purely a nostalgia play. I'm at the ice cream. I see the ice cream truck going by. I got. I go, ah. He stops. I run over there with my friend, we get ice cream and I go, you know what? Vanilla cone with sprinkles. Cause it's classic.

[B]

From an ice cream truck.

[A]

Please, dude, please. Like a vanilla cone, dude, please, please, please, please. I'm trying to explain to you. It's an iconic image. Ali. The vanilla cone with the sprinkles is like. That's what you think of when you think of ice cream imagery, right?

[B]

Yeah, but not from an ice cream truck. I think Popsicles.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Klondike bars. Spongebob with a fucked up face.

[A]

Right, right, right. But this is the iconic image. And I was trying to be classic, you know, and, and, and I know, but what I'm saying is the reason I'm feeling so upset towards you right now is because I agree with you. I up. It was disgusting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It should just have been Noah cone probably would have been great. But those sprinkles taste like.

[B]

Yeah. I bet it all tasted like plastic. I can like. I can like, taste what an ice cream truck cone would taste like. And it's not. No, it's not gonna be good.

[A]

And it was upsetting to me because the sprinkles are image of play.

[B]

Do you feel like you ordering that cone with sprinkles was, like, performative?

[A]

I think it was.

[B]

That's what, that's what I'm gathering. Because you're like the imagery of it. Whatever.

[A]

I was trying to have a moment.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, which I always get to this. I'm always trying to have a moment.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you know?

[B]

Yes. I relate deeply to that.

[A]

I'm always trying to have a moment.

[B]

I'll order something or like, do something that's not in my best interest or what I want. But I'm like, but it will look. Look cuter or more fun and it'll feel like.

[A]

I mean, I can't even listen to music normal. Like if I'm driving and the windows are down, I'm listening to a song. I'm not even. Sometimes I'm not even capable to just listen to the song. I'm like, I'm like, God, it's so beautiful the way that this all looks and feels that you're doing this, you know? And I'll sometimes in the middle of a song, be like, I really want to hear a different song right now. But this one feels like what it's supposed to be playing for this.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

You know, I'm trying to like. I'm trying to feel like I'm in a moment at all times.

[B]

And along those lines, if my windows are rolled down and I'm listening to a song, I have to put my hand out the window and maybe do one of these.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just so people in the cars around me know she's having a good day.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. I love that I do have to do that. But it's not as I've. It's not. It's not. It's hard.

[A]

It's really hard.

[B]

It's not easy. It's like you have to put effort into doing this.

[A]

Well, I feel like a scientist sometimes. I'll put my hand like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's really hard. It's pushing my hand. Then I'll go. And I'll go. And then I'll go, switch up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it gets a little easier. And then I'm like, I'm low key. A scientist.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or I'll be like this. And I'll be like, ow. Whoa.

[B]

You've mastered physics.

[A]

Yeah. And then I feel like, whoa, you're so smart.

[B]

What do you think's going on inside of a dog's mouth when he's out of a car window?

[A]

I don't know. Probably. It's got to be fun, wouldn't you think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they love doing it. Maybe it's really scary that they do that kind of.

[B]

Because that's kind of. That's a lot of wind coming at you.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And it's not a this or this. It's a this. This.

[A]

Yeah. Ally, we got something for you here, my friend.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, okay. Chance has started to phone it in a little bit. I've got multiple papers on here.

[B]

Uhoh.

[A]

All right. Virginia started to phone it in a little bit. Oh, that's so funny. No, you know what's so funny is this is different than it usually is. And it's because Virginia is. Did it today because I. And by the way, the reason is I made Chance be late because I was his ride. God, you know what? I'm the problem. I'm the reason I had the donut on my face. So, Ali, we're gonna play A game with you. This is true or false. Don't look at these. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Did you already look at some.

[B]

No, I can't. I can't read.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's not. My eyes are fine. I just can't read.

[A]

This is true or false. Okay, I'm gonna read you 15 statements.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah. Huge. Okay. You ready?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. VRBO is older than Airbnb.

[B]

True.

[A]

True. The world's first animated feature film was made in Argentina.

[B]

True.

[A]

True. It takes a drop of water 90 days to travel the entire Mississippi River.

[B]

False.

[A]

True. There are no Olive Gardens in New York City.

[B]

True.

[A]

False. There's one in Times Square. Cal State San Marcos's mascot is the Bobcat Cats.

[B]

I went there.

[A]

So answer.

[B]

What were. No, we weren't. The Bobcats. False. False.

[A]

False. It's the Cougars.

[B]

Oh, my God. You scared me. That's right.

[A]

Limes don't float.

[B]

What?

[A]

Limes don't float.

[B]

False.

[A]

True. Phil of the Future ran for five seasons.

[B]

Oh, my God. True.

[A]

False. Too.

[B]

What?

[A]

A cow bison hybrid is called a Beefalo.

[B]

False.

[A]

True.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

There'S only one Laugh Factory location east of the Mississippi River.

[B]

I don't know. False.

[A]

True. Bert and Ernie are characters on the Muppet Show.

[B]

Yes. True. False. I'm not even listening. False.

[A]

Sesame street bees can fly higher than Mount Everest.

[B]

True. Yeah, of course.

[A]

You're getting so mad at me. Courtney Cox is a former Miss Alabama winner.

[B]

True.

[A]

False.

[B]

False.

[A]

Arizona was the 48th state admitted to the Union.

[B]

I don't know. True. You hate giving away $50, don't you?

[A]

Abraham Lincoln owned and operated a bar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

True. The song Pink Pony Club came out in 2023.

[B]

No.

[A]

When was it?

[B]

False. False. 2022.

[A]

It was 2020.

[B]

2020.

[A]

How'd she do? Okay. Nice. That's okay.

[B]

He wanted to piss me off.

[A]

Yeah. I've never seen someone get so mad. I don't think maybe ego. Ego got mad.

[B]

I love games and I love winning games.

[A]

What do you want to do? You want me to tell you something? Something. You're getting paid regardless, so don't sweat it. Don't sweat it. You won.

[B]

I want to win.

[A]

You won regardless.

[B]

Do you have any more games? Do you have games on your phone?

[A]

I'm not going to have you play games on my phone.

[B]

Well, I can't vape. I Can't play games.

[A]

You got one game to play and you did really bad.

[B]

Yeah, I want to play. I want more. Oh, you want a quip lash or something? Do you have heads up?

[A]

We can have quick heads up with you. For real?

[B]

Oh, my God. I would love.

[A]

I think we'd have a lot of fun with that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get stoned and play Quip Lash.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or what's the one where you make shirts?

[B]

What? Oh, that's like Draw Lash or something. It's like part of the lash family.

[A]

I like those. Someone always draws 911. It's crazy.

[B]

I've never played the draw one. Or I think I played it once. I don't like. I like Quip Lash.

[A]

Yeah, you're more of a cerebral player.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, who? Okay. Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

Nothing. Nothing.

[A]

Ally. What?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Ally, what's so true to you?

[B]

I don't. I feel like I've really set myself up to be viewed in a certain way. But like you said, it's kind of like I'm doing this to myself. Like I have to look in the mirror. I don't. No one needs to shower every day. Oh. Gasps yeah, you guys work behind the computer. Why are you stinky? Why do you need a shower? What are you doing?

[A]

I agree with you.

[B]

I think if you don't work a job with your hands, if you're not part of, like a union of some sort, you're probably fine to skip a day of showering. Yeah, I don't do a lot during the day.

[A]

Totally. Dude.

[B]

What? Do I need to wash off?

[A]

Yeah, I get it. I'm with you. There's no re. There's no need to be embattled. You're totally safe here.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're totally safe here. I don't know what the Internet's gonna do to you. I can't speak to that.

[B]

I think my stinky girls will find me.

[A]

Yeah, I bet.

[B]

You know, they'll stand behind me and support me in my sweaty pits.

[A]

I bet there's a lot of people that feel this way and do this but don't want to speak on it. You're probably giving voice to milk millions.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're probably giving voice to millions right now. It's. Yeah, it's not going to be good for what is said about white people.

[B]

Because this is kind of. I know that.

[A]

Yeah, this has been levied against us quite a bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're taking white people back a step.

[B]

But yeah, whatever. This is a. This is a particular Type of white person. Hashtag, not all white people. Yeah, me.

[A]

Yeah. Not all white people. Just me.

[B]

Just me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's beautiful. Well, Ali, it was a delight to have you on.

[B]

It was so nice.

[A]

I really, really, really like you and I'm really glad you were able to come in here.

[B]

Thank you for having me. Go Cougars. Cal State San Marcos forever.

[A]

What would you like to tell people about where they can find you and how they can Support you?

[B]

Ali McCosky.com or not. Ali Mack on social media.

[A]

Nice. Thanks for coming in, dude.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

We did it, Ali.

[B]

That was a Headgum podcast. What's up, everybody?

[A]

I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody? I'm Beck Bennett. And man. Ooh.

[B]

I got.

[A]

We got something to tell you. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes. It's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called what's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about. And then we try it. Yep. Guests like Marc Maron, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Kate Berlant, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Balt. Landon Axler, Jory, Joanie McGree. And Dender and Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe to what's our podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah, I'm gonna go do it right now.

[B]

Hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

[A]

And I'm Dan o'. Sullivan.

[B]

And this is the Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headcount.

[A]

Now, we're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that.

[B]

Every week, we're gonna bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are gonna help explain why America is like this.

[A]

See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars.

[B]

Who knew?

[A]

Who knew the mobs have been involved.

[B]

All that and more. Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.