Jay Jurden is Holding Space

Summary

Podcast Summary: "So True with Caleb Hearon" – Episode: Jay Jurden is Holding Space

Release Date: January 2, 2025

In the January 2, 2025 episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon," hosts Caleb Hearon and Jay Jurden dive deep into a myriad of topics, blending sharp humor with insightful commentary. This episode, aptly titled "Jay Jurden is Holding Space," showcases the dynamic chemistry between the beloved gay comedian Caleb Hearon and his guest, Jay Jurden. Together, they navigate discussions ranging from religion and identity to comedy and societal perceptions, all while maintaining an engaging and candid atmosphere.

1. The Resurgence of Christianity and Atheism

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted banter about the perceived return of Christianity in modern discourse. Caleb and Jay explore the tension between atheists and those reverting to religious practices, highlighting societal shifts.

• Jay Jurden (00:16): "I think it's because so many atheists are so fucking annoying now that a lot of people who are cool are looping back to being like, hey, I actually don't wanna go to heaven with y'all. I actually wanna spend eternity with some of these nice people who can cook."
• Caleb Hearon (00:36): "I'm gonna go ahead and agree with you, but why don't you go ahead and tell me why you think that."

They discuss personal anecdotes about friends attending church, reflecting on how humor once used to mock religious commitment now aligns with genuine spiritual engagement.

• Caleb (01:14): "And now I'm like, oh, no, we're actually going to church again."

2. From the South to New York: Cultural Transitions

Transitioning from faith, the conversation shifts to their roots in Southern states like Mississippi and Alabama and their relocation to New York City. They humorously compare the cultural landscapes, culinary preferences, and the challenges of adapting to urban life.

• Jay (10:16): "I moved straight to New York. I went back home for like a little bit of the summer, saved some money, and then I flew out."
• Caleb (11:05): "Move the studios to Brooklyn. It's outrageous."

Caleb humorously laments the location of the podcast studio in Midtown Manhattan, yearning for the vibrant vibe of Brooklyn and playfully critiquing the excitement over local landmarks like Kansas City's new airport.

3. Embracing Bisexuality and Trans Identities

A significant portion of the episode delves into discussions about bisexuality and trans identities within the comedy scene. Caleb and Jay share their experiences, challenges, and the importance of representation.

• Jay (06:34): "All of my trans fans are usually fun because I kind of train people. If you enjoy my comedy, you better be there to laugh, not to be like, oh, Jay's morally correct. Because sometimes I'm not going to be."
• Caleb (06:42): "They'll never be like, I'm Rebecca. You know what I mean? They're never going. It's the disconnect between those two that makes me laugh."

They also touch upon the nuances of joke-writing related to these identities, emphasizing the balance between humor and sensitivity.

4. Navigating Fatphobia and Body Positivity

Caleb and Jay confront societal attitudes towards body size, tackling fatphobia with their signature comedic flair. They discuss the stigmatization of larger bodies and advocate for body positivity.

• Caleb (09:10): "Fat people, when I am around a fat person who talks about weight loss, they love to say this one thing. I'm not interested in losing weight. I like the way I look."
• Jay (09:21): "Because heroin works. And we haven't said that."

Their candid conversations challenge stereotypes, advocating for acceptance and understanding while highlighting the absurdity of societal pressures.

5. The Intersection of Comedy and Politics: Trump Voters

The duo navigates the complex landscape of politics, specifically addressing voters who supported Donald Trump. They dissect the motivations, frustrations, and misconceptions surrounding this demographic without vilifying them outright.

• Caleb (39:30): "I think just some of them, they got got because of their frustration and because of their kind of feelings of alienation within the system. They also got got because America is a place where you kind of vote both with your heart and with your wallet really fast, and people kind of go, I don't this so. I don't think they're evil."
• Jay (40:41): "I can get like. I'm like, of. I'm of two minds. I kind of waffle between being mad at some people and feeling bad for some people and being surprised, just simply surprised at some people."

They emphasize empathy, suggesting that many Trump voters are driven by genuine concerns and a sense of disenfranchisement rather than inherent malice.

6. The Art of Comedy: Crafting Jokes and Handling Criticism

Caleb and Jay explore different comedic styles, contrasting storytelling with punchline-driven humor. They offer insights into their joke-writing processes and how they handle both praise and criticism from audiences.

• Caleb (46:28): "There's like, maybe you tell some stories. I tend to fall more in that camp. And then there's really hard jokes set up punchline. And you're definitely in that camp. You're every, every."
• Jay (44:25): "Or you can also take that criticism and craft a better joke. Sometimes praise is just like, okay, if you like it so much, buy a ticket. But with criticism, I'm always like, okay, really? Let me see."

Their discussion underscores the importance of authenticity in comedy and the value of evolving through constructive feedback.

7. Fan Interactions and Personal Anecdotes

A lively segment showcases Caleb and Jay sharing humorous and often relatable stories about their interactions with fans. From unexpected compliments to funny misunderstandings, these anecdotes highlight the unpredictability of performing live.

• Jay (50:25): "And the guy goes, I was worried at first. I was worried at first. And you know what they do afterwards? They go, but you know what? I think Christianity is back. Whoa. I think it's back."
• Caleb (70:20): "I have sold the car, kept the husband. The husband also... So the car, kept the husband."

Their storytelling is peppered with humor, shedding light on the diverse and sometimes quirky nature of their fan base.

8. Trivia Time: Testing Knowledge with Humor

In a playful twist, Caleb initiates a trivia game with Jay, posing a series of statements for him to judge as true or false. This segment adds a lighthearted break, showcasing their quick wit and camaraderie.

• Caleb (72:43): "I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false."
• Jay (73:23): "Eliminating Tick Norbert as a prank."

The trivia covers a range of topics, from sports to pop culture, all delivered with their characteristic banter and humor.

9. Celebrating Bisexuality and Affirming Identity

Towards the end, Caleb and Jay celebrate bisexuality, emphasizing its naturalness and the importance of embracing one's identity without shame.

• Jay (56:34): "Bisexuality. It is the natural state of things."
• Caleb (56:36): "You want me to be completely honest."

Their affirmation fosters a sense of community and acceptance, resonating deeply with listeners who identify similarly.

10. Closing Remarks: Unity and Humor

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks and mutual appreciation between Caleb and Jay. They reiterate their commitment to holding space for diverse voices and perspectives within the comedy landscape.

• Caleb (77:45): "I love you."
• Jay (77:47): "So true. I love you."

Their closing remarks encapsulate the essence of the episode—celebrating authenticity, diversity, and the unifying power of humor.

Notable Quotes:

• Jay Jurden (00:16): "I think because so many atheists are so fucking annoying now that a lot of people who are cool are looping back to being like, hey, I actually don't wanna go to heaven with y'all."
• Caleb Hearon (09:10): "Fat people, when I am around a fat person who talks about weight loss, they love to say this one thing. I'm not interested in losing weight. I like the way I look."
• Caleb Hearon (39:30): "I think some of them are stupid and people get mad. This is what happens. People get mad when you call people stupid and then the news goes, no, they're low information voters."
• Jay Jurden (44:25): "Or you can also take that criticism and craft a better joke. Sometimes praise is just like, okay, if you like it so much, buy a ticket. But with criticism, I'm always like, okay, really? Let me see."

Conclusion

"So True with Caleb Hearon" Episode titled "Jay Jurden is Holding Space" offers a rich tapestry of discussions that blend humor with meaningful dialogue. Caleb and Jay navigate complex topics with ease, providing listeners with both laughter and introspection. Whether addressing societal norms, personal identities, or the intricacies of comedy, this episode stands out as a testament to the power of authentic and inclusive conversation in the realm of podcasting.

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[B]

I like this couple. I like the girl who brings her guy and the guy. You get this a lot?

[A]

Oh, baby.

[B]

Cause I get it.

[A]

This is our bread and butter.

[B]

And the guy goes, I was worried at first.

[A]

I didn't know. She made me come.

[B]

Hey, I was worried at first. I was worried at first. And you know what they do afterwards? They go, but you know what? I think Christianity is back. Whoa. I think it's back.

[A]

I'm gonna go ahead and agree with you, but why don't you go ahead and tell me why you think that.

[B]

I think it's back? I think because so many atheists are so fucking annoying now that a lot of people who are cool are looping back to being like, hey, I actually don't wanna go to heaven with y'all. I actually wanna spend eternity with some of these nice people who can cook. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know if I need to spend heaven with a bunch of people who also don't have jobs.

[A]

Like, one of my coolest friends recently in New York, she's a Brooklyn girl, she's got good fashion. She's a cool young woman. And she told me, she was like, y'all, I can't hang out Sunday morning. I have church. See, that's stuff I used to say as a joke.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now I'm like, oh, no, we're actually going to church again.

[B]

That stuff you say at a gay bar, you'll be like, wrap it up, y'all. We got church in the morning.

[A]

Church in the morning. Everyone clear out of the Eagle.

[B]

Yeah, get up.

[A]

You gotta get to service.

[B]

Get up. Get up. Everyone, get up. Get up. No, I think it's come. I think that, like, fun, kind of silly Christianity is going to come back. I don't think hard line fundamentalism is going to come back just because everyone has had too much gay sex.

[A]

Now, that hasn't gone anywhere, though. That's here.

[B]

So. Yeah. I mean, listen, I don't know if you're walking around. Wait, wait, what? What happened? I've been. I've been asleep since October. Did something happen in November?

[A]

Oh, my God. Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A couple things.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They slipped my mind, though.

[B]

I don't know, but it seemed.

[A]

Yeah, it seemed important. I was just saying stuff I've heard on the street. I was like, things are going bad, I guess.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not for me.

[B]

Y'all need some friends. We lie.

[A]

That's not funny.

[B]

It's not funny.

[A]

Things are tough right now.

[B]

Caleb is not a joke.

[A]

I'M not kidding around.

[B]

As two people who are from red states, we know it is super important.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right now.

[A]

Jay, be serious.

[B]

More than ever.

[A]

Right? In this climate. Stop.

[B]

No.

[A]

Everyone needs to stop.

[B]

Stop. Everyone needs to stop.

[A]

Everyone quit now.

[B]

Stop what you're doing.

[A]

You're from Mississippi or Alabama.

[B]

I'm from Mississippi.

[A]

You're from Mississipp, Mississippi. And then went to school.

[B]

Went to school in Mississippi and Alabama and then Alabama. Yeah. Which don't really count as school if you went to.

[A]

Right. They don't even really do books down there.

[B]

Right. That's not funny.

[A]

That's not funny. J.C. yeah.

[B]

Missouri. That ain't funny. Missouri. I know. Listen, Kansas.

[A]

I used me to say things I don't even feel.

[B]

Hey. Hey. Everyone watching at home the last time we hung out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What did we do? What's the first thing we did when we hung out?

[A]

You flew into Kansas City to do a benefit show that I was a part of. And I.

[B]

What did I text you?

[A]

You said, get me to barbecue now. And that is exactly what the fuck I did.

[B]

When we were at that barbecue joint, we sat next to a family with a baby.

[A]

I forgot. Okay, okay, okay. I took you. I forgot about this. I took you to one of my favorite barbecue spots in Kansas City.

[B]

Slaps.

[A]

Slaps. In Strawberry Hill, Kansas.

[B]

And the lady was mean, which was good.

[A]

She was not nice to us on this day.

[B]

I said, hello. She said, what do you want?

[A]

Yeah, well, it's busy in there, J.

[B]

It was busy.

[A]

Stop goofing off.

[B]

It was busy. It was.

[A]

You looked at me with. Like you had seen a ghost. And then you pointed out to me that next to us, yes, there was.

[B]

A family with a small baby. A baby with no teeth. And that baby was sucking on a rib. That baby was sucking on a rib. I love my city formula. No breast milk. No. No pork.

[A]

That baby.

[B]

Get that baby some hogs.

[A]

Was taking a rib down.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

And was killing it.

[B]

And that's when I was like, oh, I feel at home.

[A]

That is my city. Kansas City. I love you. Never change.

[B]

Caleb also saw me eat barbecue and then go. You thought I was playing about this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not playing.

[A]

You ate barbecue like a fat person.

[B]

I love barbecue.

[A]

That's the highest compliment I can give.

[B]

You know, I'm from Mississippi, so spiritually.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I ain't little.

[A]

You weren't supposed to be this small.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Something occurred here that wasn't supposed to happen.

[B]

My brother, he's a truck driver, so I can say he's not skinny at all. And so every now and then I'm like, oh, I gotta keep up with this motherfucker. Right? Sometimes he'll go back to get play. I go, I guess I gotta go.

[A]

Hey, here we are.

[B]

I'm the older brother. You can't out eat me. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Are you bisexual?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Can I say something?

[B]

I know you hate em.

[A]

Can I say something? Can I just clear the air?

[B]

One of the best jokes on Comedy Central featuring. We can say it. The bisexual Italian joke is very good.

[A]

That's my joke.

[B]

It's very good. It's an amazing joke. The leather jacket tag. It's an amazing joke. I will say this. We're coming for you.

[A]

Can I just say something? Because here's the thing, by the way, I want to tell you as someone who appreciates joke writing. Yes, I wrote that. I had. I had. Had this. The setup in the beginning of that joke for a long time. I wrote that series of tags the day of the taping.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

And I was like, I'll just try it tonight and see what happens.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

And it's one of my favorite parts of the set, which was really fun.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

That's a little behind the scenes for people who know the set.

[B]

If you like how the sausage is made.

[A]

Yeah. If you like going behind the curtain with me and Jay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I'm positive on bi people. And Jay, you're one of the best to do it, and I've yet to see you with a woman. But I believe that it has happened and I believe that you want it to happen.

[B]

I have to keep them hidden.

[A]

Yeah. Because you want to work.

[B]

Yeah. That's the worst thing in the world. Jay. I love all your queer. Who is this? Yeah, who is this?

[A]

What is she her doing here?

[B]

Time out. Time out. My favorite thing about your joke about bisexual people is how many bi people prove that they weren't fun.

[A]

I know. That's the hard part. J. Don't suck me back in. Don't suck me back in.

[B]

The hard part. I'm laughing, I'm giggling. I'm kicking my feet. Some of them were like, enough, right? Yeah. If you're gonna be that mad. I made a joke about your Steven Universe T shirt.

[A]

You can't. Hey, leave the trans girls out of it. Leave the trans girls and the non binary people out of it. Jay, do you know what my favorite thing about trans people is?

[B]

Everything.

[A]

Everything. I wouldn't change a thing. So anyway, they would.

[B]

But I. I Wouldn't Jay kind of part and parcel.

[A]

That wasn't appropriate.

[B]

That was not appropriate, but it was funny.

[A]

My favorite thing about trans people is the names, like, trans. A trans guy will always pick, like, the cutest little, most proper name.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They'll be like, I'm Liam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm Emmett. I'm. I am Preston. Always. Every time.

[B]

Sometimes they go Neo and I go too on the nose.

[A]

But here's what I'm telling you. Then it's trans women that'll be like, I'm Goddess Amethyst of the mystical River Forest. And you're like, okay, yeah. They're never. The trans women are never being like, I'm Rebecca. You know what I mean? They're never going. It's the disconnect between those two that makes me laugh.

[B]

The trans men and trans women and cunt. River Goddess Amethyst also somehow works for a tech company, Serve, Serve, Serve. By the way, she makes a lot of money online. Yes. I like having a chosen name because as a comedian, I didn't do it. So now all my businesses out there, you can just find old everything for me. So whenever you get to kind of reinvent yourself or choose your new name, I think that's beautiful. All of my trans. All of my trans fans are usually fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I kind of train people. If you enjoy my comedy, you better be there to laugh, not to be like, oh, Jay's morally correct. Because sometimes I'm not going to be.

[A]

I think what blurs the line for me a little bit is that I'm often not doing as hard setup and punchline as you are. I'm, like, rambling and doing a little more, like stories and vibes.

[B]

Yeah. And preaching.

[A]

And preaching.

[B]

And preaching a little bit.

[A]

But I'm not waiting for. I'm not waiting for applause. I don't want people to clap it. Correct. I'm usually trying to get somewhere funny, but because of that, people sometimes get a little more up in arms about my thing because they think, like, they thought I was just up there freeballing when I had written that. You know what I mean? They don't think of it as much as a joke. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah. Well, it's because they align with you. They like you. They don't want this to be something that's kind of formulaic and false and presented to other people. They are like, oh, Caleb's here in this moment with me. But to those people, I want to remind you, his most famous clip online is him threatening someone With a gun.

[A]

So just.

[B]

Just so you know, just so we.

[A]

Can clear that up, he will kill you. And here's what I'll say about fat people.

[B]

I love.

[A]

Hey, I love them. And I don't hang out with fat people that talk about weight loss because that's fucking boring. And I don't care.

[B]

Let's get. Let's get. Let's get into that.

[A]

Let's start there.

[B]

Because that's actually kind of crazy.

[A]

Let's start there.

[B]

A fat person who always talks about weight loss, that is. That's. Those are the people who always kind of, you go, girl. But all of the people listening to this are fat. So what are you telling them, by the way?

[A]

Fat people, when I am around a fat person who talks about weight loss, they love to say this one thing. Because the fat people that talk about weight loss all the time are obsessed with it for themselves, and then they want to prescribe it to you. I'm not interested in losing weight. I like the way I look.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

First of all. Second of all, I have zero health issues. It's not a concern. If I went to the doctor tomorrow and they were like, hey, needs to be 100 pounds because of this, this, or this. I might consider it. But they always like to say, I've tried everything. Hey, let me tell you something. No, you have stop lying. Stop lying right now. Quit expeditiously.

[B]

Tell the truth.

[A]

No, you have not.

[B]

Because heroin works. And we haven't said that.

[A]

You haven't tried that. And also not stopping at 7:11 and getting sweets on the way home works. And I know you haven't tried. Do not lie to me about what you've tried.

[B]

I'm in a place of privilege, so laughing at that.

[A]

What privilege is that?

[B]

I have thin privilege, but I also have eat a lot of food in front of people, and because I'm skinny, they don't say anything privileged. Yeah, unlike you who said, I eat like a fat person.

[A]

Yeah, I said, you're big ass.

[B]

Run the tapes back.

[A]

Rewind. I keep trying to look for my camera there, and it's there. And I need to remember that for the audience. Okay. J. Mississippi, Alabama.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then do you move straight to New York after that?

[B]

I moved straight to New York. I went back home for like a little bit of the summer, saved some money, and then I flew out. I want to say July 9th. Moved to New York, moved to Park Slope. Too expensive. Then I moved to East Harlem.

[A]

Yeah. Are you still. Are you? Well, I guess I wouldn't say but are you in Manhattan still?

[B]

Yeah, I'm still in Manhattan. It is. We're in Manhattan right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to blow. You know, I don't want to blow your spot up.

[A]

You can tell them that we're in Manhattan because they need to know how much I do for this podcast.

[B]

Yeah, this is in Manhattan.

[A]

I come to Manhattan to do this show.

[B]

He commutes.

[A]

Y'all join the Patreon.

[B]

It's a pilgrimage.

[A]

Yes, I did. I do a hajj to the Headgum Studios in midtown Manhattan. Like I'm a fucking banker. Jesus Christ. Can we get a studio in Brooklyn? What? Who? Headgum. You just, you know, look at who does your podcast.

[B]

Look at who?

[A]

Listen, what are we doing in midtown Manhattan? Have you heard of Brooklyn?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Jake and Amir.

[B]

He said he. You're so.

[A]

Get on the phones. Jake and Amir. Jake and Amir. If you can hear me, he's not wrong. Move the studios to Brooklyn. It's outrageous.

[B]

I'm always surprised. I was. Okay. I was surprised whenever I found out you were back in Brooklyn because it kind of. There's a very much a where in the world is Caleb Heron situation with your big hat and your red trench.

[A]

People hate this.

[B]

Yeah. Where are you right now?

[A]

People are sick of this. In this moment, I'm in midtown Manhattan.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

And spiritually as well. I'm here with you in a big way.

[B]

That's beautiful.

[A]

You came to Kansas City. What'd you think of it?

[B]

I loved it. We loved having, you know, my first thought.

[A]

Beautiful airport, by the way. And you know what is crazy about Kensidians?

[B]

Say it.

[A]

We're ungrateful. Cuz I have friends that are complaining about our new airport because it's a little bit longer of a walk.

[B]

The airport is gorgeous.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That airport is beautiful. And you know what they do when you land, when you come down the escalator, they let you know, black mayor.

[A]

Yes. Big yes.

[B]

I came down the escalator. I went, oh, God.

[A]

Quentin. Oh, God, Quinton. Lucas.

[B]

I feel safe.

[A]

Blackmare.

[B]

I thought it was Patrick Mahomes. It did not.

[A]

You did not think it was.

[B]

I thought it was half of Patrick Mahomes. Get out. I told the Patrick Mahomes joke at the Kansas City show. And the crowd went. And then they laughed.

[A]

They don't know if they're allowed to do.

[B]

He's like an example of why maybe we shouldn't mix races.

[A]

And Jay, I heard the joke from backstage.

[B]

He's fast, but he Looks goofy. Okay. You know how they showed off? You know, like when a lot of people like, oh, every mixed person is hot. And then he was like, wait a second.

[A]

He said. Hold on. You know what he said?

[B]

I'm good at football.

[A]

Jay, I'm going to tell you something you might not like.

[B]

Sideshow Bob is good at football.

[A]

I find him attractive. Oh, do you think that's just my fandom?

[B]

I think you're a loyalist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think you're. I think you. I think you're being blinded by the Kansas City of it all. No.

[A]

There's something about a man who performs under pressure.

[B]

You know what it is? I think that because of your Christian upbringing, you've hooked up with men whose wives are Republican before.

[A]

Yeah. Well, hey, that's true. You know what I said the other night? I thought you would appreciate this. I was talking about Luigi on stage.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

As I'm want to do now.

[B]

Luigi Magione, who allegedly none of us know.

[A]

Yeah. Huh? Isn't that funny?

[B]

I don't know that man.

[A]

Need him.

[B]

Need him, need him in a biblical way.

[A]

And people think I need him because he's got, you know, chiseled abs and a square jaw and eyes that you want to swim in until you drown.

[B]

And a fun unibrow.

[A]

I am attracted to him in this way. And a fun unibrow. I'm attracted to him as fearfully as I am because he showed up on time and did what he said he was gonna do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How hot is that?

[B]

A man who commits, a man who.

[A]

Does what he says he's gonna do.

[B]

Yeah. Also, I'm gonna say something less. Less elevated in thought.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's kind of furry, probably.

[A]

Yeah, exactly correct.

[B]

I don't hate that.

[A]

And confirmed bisexual from.

[B]

To hear the Internet tell it, just from the Pokemon tweets.

[A]

To hear that. To hear the Internet tell it now. I've seen his particular brand of frat boy with that smile.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's something in that kind of frat boy smile that I'm like, I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's happened?

[B]

That's the kind of boy who goes, listen. Suck on it a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? It's 3am I'm feeling lonely.

[B]

Listen. Oh, no. Jungle Juice. I don't know who's who.

[A]

I'm drunk. I'm drunk. It's 3:00am I'm feeling lonely. I recently got back into Matchbox 20. Yeah, I'm back on Matchbox 20.

[B]

Hey, Greta Garwig, who the fuck do you think you are talking bad about Matchbox 20 during the Barbie movie.

[A]

Did she. I didn't see it.

[B]

There's an entire I want to say section of the movie where Ken is kind of discovering misogyny and weaponizing it. And they sing matchbox 20 to be misogynist.

[A]

Oh, that's unfair. Unless I don't know those guys very well. No, I love their music.

[B]

This is why we're friends. When I was, when I was younger and I discovered Matchbox 20, I told my mom I wanted a Matchbox 20 CD. And she said, well, you have to know some of the songs. And I said, one of the songs, it goes like this. I wanna push you around.

[A]

And I will.

[B]

And my mom would say, you ain't pushing nobody.

[A]

Yeah. She said, push pause on asking me for anything revolving around that.

[B]

You ain't pushing nobod. You know what she did? She bought me Usher and Mariah Carey instead and made me gay, by the way.

[A]

And now you're a big homo half the time. No, no, no.

[B]

I gotta put in my hours.

[A]

It's billable. 15 minute increments.

[B]

Yeah. Woo.

[A]

I wonder what it's like to know that I made the rain. That's. These guys got in the booth and killed it. They make incredible music. Matchbox 20 and Rob Thomas, you know, Street Corner Symphony.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He almost fixed everything with that one. He almost fixed everything with that one. You know what I'm talking about? He said, my sisters and my brothers of every different color come together. He almost fixed everything with that.

[B]

My, my favorite take of like that sort of like pocket of 90s fun rock is that now at karaoke you can tear the house down.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

You put on Sister Hazel, you put on matchbox 20, you put on Sugar Ray. At a karaoke right now for millennials. Older people, younger people. For older millennials. We gonna tear the foundation round.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We gonna dance. We gonna scream.

[A]

I'm doing a friend's karaoke birthday show in January and do you know what song I'm thinking about doing? I'll be your crying shoulder.

[B]

I'll be love suicide Edwin McCain. You will always be famous brother Edwin McCain. You understand how many people in their 40s fucked to that song? Yes.

[A]

And that's my he, by the way. That's my love.

[B]

They fuck love suicide. 90s, two step plan.

[A]

Late 90s, late 90s. We're going down different paths. Hold on, hold on. Let me bring it back to you. People were fucking to that in the late. In the late 90s.

[B]

How.

[A]

When were you born?

[B]

I can't tell you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I can't tell you that.

[A]

No worries, no worries.

[B]

I'm a baby with gray hair.

[A]

Yeah, no worries, no worries.

[B]

My gray's coming in. I was born by the river.

[A]

I was born. Don't get me started.

[B]

My parent. Okay, so because you are from Missouri, One of my favorite things about Missouri this year is that y'all gave us Sexyy Red. And when I say we do what we can, that woman, she really represents a girl that I went to high school with.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I've said this before. Sexyy Red looks like the kind of girl who still dick with her glasses.

[A]

On, by the way. Yes. Cause she might need to read later.

[B]

We know these girls. She read. She's.

[A]

Come on. She's a paralegal. She might need to read. She's a paralegal and she might need to read.

[B]

Sexy Red as a paralegal your. Oh, I ain't in court. Well, then take those pants off, glasses, pencil skirt, bow, bow, bow, bow. Innocent, by the way.

[A]

I love that. I love that you said that. Sexy Red. What am I. What was I trying to think of? You were talking about Sexyy Red and Missouri. I don't remember a lot of great people from Missouri, though.

[B]

Who else?

[A]

Oh, God, me. Chapel Roan.

[B]

Wait a second.

[A]

Nelly.

[B]

That other dude. Which one? Harry Truman.

[A]

Huh? Yes.

[B]

Harry Truman.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He was at the hotel. What a bus. Not him.

[A]

I was gonna say he's quite passed. He's quite passed, actually. You came into my benefit show. It was so good to have you there.

[B]

We love Nelly. Thank you.

[A]

We love Nelly. St. Louis, though.

[B]

Cornell.

[A]

Yes, St. Louis. It's fine.

[B]

Say it.

[A]

St. Louis is fine. Kansas City is so obvious.

[B]

You don't like fried ravioli. Oh, you don't like pizza. That's slightly different.

[A]

Every city with their pizza, by the way. Can we stop it? Every city with their pizza. Stop it.

[B]

No one cares.

[A]

No one cares. Where's your Thai food, by the way, Jay? Have you noticed. Do you like Thai food?

[B]

I do like Thai food.

[A]

Have you noticed in New York City, you've lived here for a couple years?

[B]

Nine years?

[A]

A little while.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And have you noticed this city, there's no good pad Thai?

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

There's not a pad Thai in New York that I can get behind.

[B]

I. I'm a red curry chicken girl. And a mango sticky rice girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pad Thai to me. I'll have some of someone else's.

[A]

See? But maybe if there was a great one here.

[B]

What's the other one? Patty Shoe. What's Patsy.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Patchy. Ooh. Yeah.

[A]

Penang curry is my.

[B]

I'm usually pronounced it like a Southern grandparent. What's the other one? Patty Shoe.

[A]

What did they do? Who?

[B]

That girl Patty. Um, Caleb, who's your friend? What's her name?

[A]

It was. She's hard candy rolling around in her mouth. There was just an Asian woman comic. I believe she was Vietnamese.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Talking about how hard it is to make black audiences laugh.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

And I can't. I don't know who she is, but I think this clip was viral, if anyone has seen it.

[B]

No, I think she's Chinese.

[A]

Is she Chinese?

[B]

Zhuying Summers. Summers is her last name. I think black audiences. Black audiences aren't hard to make laugh. There's just the initial laugh. There's a higher bar. And once you clear that black audiences go, I trust you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a moment where you really have to let them know, you know, what you look like, you know who you are. You're not gonna take any shit. But also you're there with them. You're in the space. You can talk a little shit. And when you do that. Because one time I remember I performed for like a black crowd outside for my friend Jonathan's show Tech Live. And like, so this is a crowd of black people who are already outside. So they mad.

[A]

They're pissed off to start.

[B]

They sitting on grass, which we don't like. Don't put me outside again, America. So what happens?

[A]

Thank.

[B]

Hey, history.

[A]

I know we're playing around, but thank you for saying I'm holding space for that. Here's what I'll say. Anyone? Earnestly. I have a. I have trouble with earnestness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In any. Like, I have trouble with. Like. I have trouble with when someone's looking into a camera, especially in a press junkie. Like doing the Little Mermaid movie. Like what that means for girls with red hair and like what that might. With the implications that could have. I'm like, shut up. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, well, first of all, once again upsetting the mermaid community.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, just put. Make a. Have a running tab.

[A]

I'm going to go down bisexuals, fats.

[B]

Mermaids, fats slash chubbies. He said fats. Yeah.

[A]

You can't say that.

[B]

I would say pos People of size.

[A]

Yes. Ok. You know, pos might not be the best thing to call fat people. There's another implication to that one. Jay. Jay Jordan calls fat people pos's. Let's have that be the headline.

[B]

Look here, you pieces of.

[A]

Jay.

[B]

No, I feel comfortable. I'm Every. Every time. Not me being like, my brother's fat, y'all.

[A]

My brother's a fat trucker. He barely moves. Y'all. Relax. Relax. You wouldn't. You wouldn't want to see what he does in a gas station bathroom. Chill.

[B]

He's on the road. I'm on the road.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Do you ever get. Do you ever get upset when there are certain people who, like, honestly dislike fat people, and you go, oh, wait a second. I was doing a bit. You mean it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

You're asking me, have I met people that don't like fat people? Let me tell you something, Jay. I meet them every day in my comments and DMs. Do you know how mad people get.

[B]

At me that you're just laughing?

[A]

Oh, that I exist. That's fat.

[B]

They hate it. Not you being happy. And you go, I thought we were supposed to be jolly. Which one is it?

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Give me one.

[A]

Do you love Santa or not? What do you want from me? Today's episode is sponsored by our pals at Rocket Money. You sign up for something, forget about it after the trial period ends, then you're charged month after month after month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. Thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. And now I'm saving more money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings, see all of your subscriptions in one place, and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. And the new Goals feature automatically saves money for you so you don't have to think about it. Pay off credit card debt, put away money for a house, or just build your savings. Rocket Money makes it easy. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's premium features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket money, go to Rocketmoney.com so true today. That's Rocketmoney.com so true. Rocketmoney.com so true. Y'all you already know. Today's episode is sponsored by our friends at Athletic Brewing. And I got excited about this ad, okay? Because my sober friends really, really, really drink this stuff. You can't keep sober people off these things. It's Athletic January, okay? Where you can do dry well your own way with great tasting in a brews. You can replace those alcoholic beverages you maybe used to drink or sometimes drink in the month of January or anytime you want with one of the delicious and refreshing non alcoholic options from Athletic Brewing. They've got hoppy and refreshing Run Wild ipa. They've got an upside down golden for that subtly sweet way to end your afternoon without the hangover tomorrow. We hate those. Unless you're talking about the movies. No matter what you're looking for in a great non alcoholic brew, the answer every single time, well, it's going to be athletic, y'all. We're talking about great flavor. Yeah, that's athletic. Award winning styles. How about that's athletic. Huge variety, guys. It's athletic every time. From IPAs, extra darks, sours, hazies and winter favorites like Belgian style whites. Belgian style whites now. Okay. Irish style reds and more. Athletic Brewing has something for truly everyone. And I'll say again, there's no risk of a hangover the next day. Don't we love that folks? We love it. Not having a hangover, folks. You can find these brews at bars and restaurants, grocery stores and online@athletical brewing.com and they donate up to $100,000 annually to organizations that are making a difference for marginalized communities through their Impact Brew series. There's nothing dry about Athletic Brewing Co. Non alcoholic brews. Give it a try and head to athleticbrewing.com SOTrue to find it near you. That's athleticbrewing.com S O T R U E to grab some fun brews near you. Athletic Brewing Co. Fit for all times near beer. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off and you made an excuse like I'm too busy, it'll heal on its own or I don't even know which doctor to go to. Think we've all been there. Booking a doctor's appointment can just feel so daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an Appointment. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, and are good fit for any medical need you might have, and are highly rated, by the way, by verified patients. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. If I ever needed a new doctor, this is what I'd use. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com so true. To find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com Sotrue Zocdoc.com so true. What do you want from me?

[B]

They get mad at you for being gay too. Just so you know.

[A]

Yeah, but that's a little. You have to couch that now. You have to be a little cooler about that. Now. Even the worst among us are getting pretty scared of being homophobic openly because they realize a lot of us can fight.

[B]

Yeah. Ooh, let's bring that up.

[A]

Gay people can fight.

[B]

I know too many of my gay friends who will beat the shit out of my straight friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, honestly, I could. There's a situation where a lot of my gay friends could be beating up my straight friends and being like, you fucking. And. And I'd be like, I don't know who to cheer for.

[A]

Yeah. And has that happened?

[B]

I mean. No.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I've never. I don't promote violence.

[A]

No.

[B]

I'm non violent. Unless like it's raining.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, then like, get the fuck out of my way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Today I did have a couple moments where I was like, figure out where you're going.

[A]

Yeah, immediately. And also figure out the. Josh Sharp has an incredible.

[B]

Figure out where you're going.

[A]

Do you know Josh Sharp?

[B]

I love Josh Sharp.

[A]

Josh Sharp has an incredible.

[B]

North Carolina. There's a lot of Southern people who we like.

[A]

Yes. That's kind of where you. Yeah, you and I will find a southern person and be like, yeah.

[B]

We'll be like, wait a second. You're charming, but also you don't take no shit.

[A]

He has a really brilliant bit in his latest hour about. He's basically is like, people in New York, you should have to have a permit to operate an umbrella. Like these fucking people do not.

[B]

I mean, they're taking. They're opening them in enclosed spaces. It's wild.

[A]

I'm gonna remind me To Josh is coming on the show soon. Remind me to bring that bit up so he can tell it himself. It is so funny.

[B]

The thing I've noticed about New York umbrellas, people, they'll buy a CVS umbrella and be surprised when it prolapses, right?

[A]

It's gonna prolapse. The asshole is gonna fall out of that thing.

[B]

It's going inside out. Why? You bought it for $5.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You getting 10 minutes with that thing? Maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're always like, I can't believe this doesn't work. You bought it at cvs. That's not an umbrella store.

[A]

You brought a nice umbrella in here. Yeah. How much you spend on that thing?

[B]

I can't say.

[A]

Say.

[B]

I can't say.

[A]

Is it under 100?

[B]

I'm making a little money.

[A]

Is it under 100?

[B]

Is under 100, but it is. It's an inverted umbrella. It doesn't open the traditional way.

[A]

It's north of 50 in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It spent more than 50 on that thing, didn't you?

[B]

No.

[A]

You spent $73.99 on that thing.

[B]

I mean, it was more than 30. That's what I will say. Yeah.

[A]

And I've lost it 7,399.

[B]

So, I mean, times three.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We making a little money? Yeah, we make a little umbrella money.

[A]

You're rich.

[B]

I'm not rich.

[A]

And you have a husband.

[B]

I do have a husband.

[A]

You as a bi person are supposed to come on and give me some credibility in the space.

[B]

Listen, we are proud and I was gonna say hard working people, but I can't.

[A]

The reality is nobody works anymore. Let's have that conversation. Nobody. Hey, can I. Hey. Okay, Jay, hold on. I want to say something. My leftist friends.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Who are complaining about capitalism on their insta story from their couch at 2pm on a Tuesday where they work from home and make $83,000 a year and have full benefits. It's getting a little hard to believe, you unlimited pto. And you're mad at capitalism. You better send your boss some flowers. What are you talking about? You realize kids used to get coal miners long, right? I'm sorry, I'm looking at myself when I say this. Do you realize I talk about Chicago when I was in my early 20s? I talk about Chicago like I went to war. I worked as an administrative assistant in high rises in Chicago.

[B]

Yeah. My first job when I first moved to New York City. This isn't gonna help with my. With the anti fat rumors. I was a personal trainer at David Bar.

[A]

You were the Natural predator of a fat person.

[B]

It was mostly me just talking to women whose husbands ignored them. And gay men flirting with me. And one man who worked for say it with me class, Donald Trump, one of my first big clients. He worked for Donald Trump. And he. And I cannot make this up. He asked specifically for a young queer trainer. And so then he would flirt with me a lot. He would like. He would get me gift cards to different places. And at one point, name one place, like, he got me like a $50 chipotle gift card.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Which.

[A]

Okay, he didn't want you that bad.

[B]

But that's what I'm saying. But in 2015, $50 at Chipotle. Yeah, that was stretching.

[A]

That was like three or $4,000.

[B]

That's stretching. That's stretch. We gotta account for inflation, the economy. Yeah, Wages.

[A]

And there's something else he wants to see Stre.

[B]

One time he told me, he was like. He was like, do you really think Mr. Trump. He would always say Mr. Trump too. He's very respectful. He said, do you really think Mr. Trump hates gay people? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, he loves me. And I was like, oh. He said he came out to Donald Trump. He had to come out to Donald Trump's, like, personal bodyguard. So he told that guy, he said, I'm gay. Just cause he wanted to get ahead of any rumors in case there was like some sort of rumor mill that was gonna try to like implicate the team with like having another gay staff. And so he said, he's gay. And then the bodyguard told Donald Trump. And the bodyguard said, do you believe Matt's gay? And Donald Trump went. He would know. That's why whenever, on the Z. Wade interview, you call that man a sissy. Agreed. Yes, agreed.

[A]

And the problem with him really is. And people, leftists can try as they might to deny this, he's one of the funniest people living.

[B]

And you want to know why? It's because there is a na. And this is joke theory. There's a natural sort of. There's a natural counterpoint to all of, like the prestige and the kind of like the elevated thoughts you're supposed to have as a president. And so whenever you counter that with like a low thought, whenever you counter that with like kind of being classless and kind of. I didn't mean to point. Kind of being.

[A]

Put those hands down for me.

[B]

Kind of being trashy and kind of being like. Like page six fodder. It's funny because there's this natural kind of, like, knee jerk reaction where you go, this thing isn't supposed to be happening. Here you go, oh, my gosh, I'm confused. And that confusion either elicits, like, rage or laughter because that's not how things are supposed to work. We break pattern recognition. And he does, sadly, a very good job of that because they could be like, oh, well, grocery prices are getting pretty high. And he'd be like, you know, who's worried about that? Chris Christie's fat ass. That's what he does.

[A]

And it's funny every time he posted.

[B]

A AI image of him getting McDonald's delivered via drone.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And, like, now, like, it rocked.

[A]

That's what it rocked. It was so funny.

[B]

That's what sucks is because people are going to be like, is this who people voted for? And be like, yeah, yeah, man. People also still go see Jeff Dunham.

[A]

Like, it's not my favorite moment of the campaign this time. I have a lot of favorite Trump moments that all. Everyone knows how I feel about him politically, but he had twice voted for him. Yes. Four times. I was there before everyone else. I wrote him in before it was, yes. No. He had this moment on the campaign when he was wearing the vest from the truck, and he's on stage wearing it, and he goes, my team, they said, sir, it would be incredible if you would wear the vest on stage. I said, I'm not doing that. Bring me my jacket. And I got my jacket. And they said, sir, you look thin in the vest. And I said, I'm wearing the vest. And then he wore it on stage because his staffers told him he looked more thin in the vest. You just. Oh, God, that's so fucking funny. Dude, that rocks.

[B]

It's. It's. You can't teach it. That's playing without the ball. These are the intangibles. You would. If you wanted to craft someone in the comedy lab, you'd be like, okay, make them an eccentric billionaire.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Give them three wives. Ooh, make the last wife. Hate them. Give them one cokehead son. Give them one pulled out too early son. Give them a daughter that they love. And give them a Meg from Family Guy. He literally goes Tiffany out of the picture. Everyone else, smile. Eric, don't smile. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take it like it's. It's you. Someone wrote this.

[A]

It's objectively funny that this is the guy that has corralled the entire family values coalition. Yes. Successfully. When Mitt Romney couldn't do it.

[B]

Mitt a Mormon.

[A]

Mitt Romney couldn't get the Family values crowd and this fucking philandering, thieving, conniving.

[B]

A Mormon. Mitt Romney couldn't get him. Mitt boring ass. It was because we've talked about this. It's a little bit of like, people don't understand. They're class conscious, but they have these reactions that are kind of rooted in class and frustration. Because with Mitt Romney, people went, he's too rich. I don't like him. He's too. He's too. He's too officey. But Trump goes, I hate rich people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they go, same.

[A]

He's more rich than Mitt Romney.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's insane. I mean, it does make me feel crazy. It makes me feel insane. It makes me feel fucking insane.

[B]

Trump saying he hates rich people is me and Caleb walking into a bar and being like, a lot of gay people here, which we would do. Which I'd be like, honestly, get some of these.

[A]

Sometimes I'll take first dates to a lesbian bar just so there's no wandering eyes. I'm like, I don't need you.

[B]

Once again, he doesn't believe in bisexuals as we can. I know.

[A]

Jay, stop. Don't tell them that. You know. I do.

[B]

No, you're. You're a bi ally.

[A]

I am.

[B]

You know what we call bi allies? Baristas. Now, I. Jay, no.

[A]

Stop it.

[B]

No, no. Every bi person should be able to laugh at that. Or, like, at least halfway.

[A]

I have a question for you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What do you make of. Okay, so I have a lot of chaperones.

[B]

I think. I think she's queer. Is that what you were gonna ask?

[A]

I do think she's queer.

[B]

I think she's.

[A]

Of course she's queer. Look the way she dresses.

[B]

Look at the way that she.

[A]

No chance. Yeah. I've seen how she dressed when she was straight. She's queer now. Look at the outfits.

[B]

They pulled out that old boyfriend. I was like that. I was like, I've seen a lot of girls that go lesbian after that. Boy, that is.

[A]

Yeah. Once you date a guy in that Henley, it's time to switch teams.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, the man who shops exclusively at Buckle. Yeah.

[A]

Not Buckle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not the embellished jeans.

[B]

I've been in the mall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love a good mall.

[A]

Do you ever do the Buckle challenge when you were younger?

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you know the Buckle challenge? Do you know the Buckle challenge? Listen, this might be. This might be white people stuff.

[B]

Okay? And you know what?

[A]

And I'm scared.

[B]

I approve of it.

[A]

I don't want to be involved in white people Stuff, and you know that about me, but it is my culture, Caleb.

[B]

You can't fight fake.

[A]

I know. I'm white people stuff. Wait, am I white people stuff?

[B]

You are, but. But you're also black people stuff.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

You're also.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'm bi.

[B]

Oh, my God, I'm bi racial.

[A]

So that's not funny to joke about. Right, Because I'm not. And so I have to just be an.

[B]

Wait a second. I'm seeing your. I'm seeing the curl pattern. I'm seeing. God.

[A]

The buckle challenge. Is this back to my point? The buckle challenge. You've really never heard of this?

[B]

No.

[A]

The buckle challenge was big when I was in high school.

[B]

Is it how many. Is it how many tins of skull you can fit in the back pocket?

[A]

No, the buckle challenge was okay. Jay, you really don't know the buckle culture, because where I'm from, guys would never put their skull can in their buckle jeans. They'd save that for their Levi's.

[B]

You go into buckle got my good afflictions.

[A]

You try, truly, you try to get all the way to the back of the store and touch the back wall and get out without being talked to by a store associate. And I guess the joke is like, they have really good customer service. But that was a game we would play in high school.

[B]

That now is probably pretty easy.

[A]

Yeah, well, no one has good customer service.

[B]

When you go in the buckle now, you see tumbleweeds.

[A]

Wait, I geared up to ask you a question earlier, and I never even got to it.

[B]

Ask it.

[A]

What do you make of this idea that everyone who voted for Trump is racist, sexist, homophobic, et cetera? What do you do with that?

[B]

I don't think. I think some of them are stupid and people get mad. This is what happens. People get mad when you call people stupid and then the news goes, no, they're low information voters. Same same. Right. I think that everyone who votes for him has been fed a little bit of a lie. And then some people believe it to varying degrees. I don't think they're all racist. I think that they all got got a little bit. And they got got because of their frustration and because of their kind of feelings of alienation within the system. They also got got because America is a place where you kind of vote both with your heart and with your wallet really fast, and people kind of go, I don't this so. I don't think they're evil. I don't think all of them are evil. I think some people behind the scenes orchestrating stuff are actively evil, but I don't think they're all evil. I think just some of them, they got got.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I say is my ire, my anger. I'm not. I'm actually not mad at Trump voters. I'm really not. I was the first time when I was younger and when I. When I think I had less of an understanding of the moment we were in, I'm not mad at them anymore. I'm mad at the people that are orchestrating it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm mad at the operatives. I'm mad at Trump himself. I'm mad at his. His fucking cadre of like, dumbass evil losers he's gonna put in his.

[B]

Caleb is mad. He's so damn funny. That's what Caleb is bad.

[A]

I'm actually happy with that. I mean, at least if we have to do the end of democracy, we should do it with a guy who cracks me up. But I'm not mad at the voters.

[B]

I can get like. I'm like, of. I'm of two minds. I kind of waffle between being mad at some people and feeling bad for some people and being surprised, just simply surprised at some people. And then there are some people where I go, oh, my gosh. Oh, you're too stupid to vote anyway. Like, every now and then I go, wait a second. If you are online and you'll see these people who will get online and they'll say, wait a second, I didn't know this. And I go, baby, we all knew that. Like, ah. I don't know if you need to tell people you didn't know. What you need to do is go, I'm not telling anyone. But a lot of people were very vocal about being surprised that he couldn't necessarily pull the levers on so many things. They're like, like over the past month, we've seen people be like, well, But I thought he could.

[A]

Girl. Well, that's like. He gave that statement like a week or two ago that was like, well, we'll see what happens with grocery prices, basically. And it's like, right. He wasn't gonna be able to do that. Yeah, Y.

[B]

And they went. But he said. I was like, oh, yeah, What TV shows do you watch?

[A]

Me?

[B]

No, no, those people.

[A]

I was like, okay, Jay, with those.

[B]

People, I'm always like, what TV shows do you watch? And they go, I love Yellowstone. I go, okay, you think one person can do everything? Like Taylor Sheridan? Yeah, that's not how this works.

[A]

Yeah, here's what I think. I think there are dumb people on both sides. Not probably in quite equal measure, but enough that it's.

[B]

I know a lot of dumb people center left. And so do I.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. There are dumb people on both sides. Plenty of dumb people were ill informed and. And voted for Kamala.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that. But what I do think is there is a malicious kind of hatefulness on the right right now that is not matched on the left now. That's not to say there's not disdain for the other side that Trump. But the thing after the Trump election of all these people who voted for him, like, being excited to see people cry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like being in the comments and being like, your body. My choice. Like that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Is disproportionately on the other side at the moment. I think I could win.

[B]

Win president.

[A]

I could win Trump voters over.

[B]

Oh, you have.

[A]

I'm gonna get them.

[B]

You have. But you have.

[A]

I'm gonna get them.

[B]

You have Trump. You have fans that voted for Trump. No, you do.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

You do.

[A]

I do have Republican fans.

[B]

I do.

[A]

I don't like it.

[B]

I. If you do. I have people. I literally will have people. I made fun of RFK jr's voice in a real one time, and someone was like, I'm really disappointed. I was like, oh, have you not seen any of my stuff?

[A]

Well, do you think that that was a person who was gonna vote for him or someone? Cause I've gotten in trouble when I make fun of his voice, which is objectively funny.

[B]

Yeah. It sounds like he's on a roller coaster underwater.

[A]

But I've gotten in trouble when I've said things like that for ableism.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think it's that angle that people are mad about or were they supporters of his?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

It's tricky. I, you know, sometimes when I get a comment, I'm like, maybe I'll hear it out for a second.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, do you ever do that? Do you ever get a criticism and go, generally, I try to think of praise and criticism from strangers as equally and wholesale useless.

[B]

Yeah. I think that criticism for a joke can be helpful because you can make another joke about that criticism.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or you can also take that criticism and. And craft a better joke. Sometimes praise is just like, okay, if you like it so much, buy a ticket. But with criticism, I'm always like, okay, really? Let me see. Like, truly, let me see. If I was coming at this from an angle that could have turned off some people or that could have hurt some feelings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I say that as a person who is very intentional with what I put out. Intentional with what I write, intentional with what I say. So if someone was like, oh, this came off a little misogynistic, I'm always gonna be like, let me see. Why these hoes mad?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, damn.

[B]

But you know, I think that hoes is gender neutral. I think comedy criticism right now, I'm open to all of it. And that's primarily. And you've said this before, that's primarily because I'm such a critic. One time, this was at barbecue, Caleb heard me, I had an offhanded comment about stand up. And you went, we know you have opinions about it.

[A]

Yeah, well, you're a hater.

[B]

I'm a hater.

[A]

You are a hater. I love it.

[B]

I'm just a person who goes, oh, that's when I like something that's good. When I see something that's funny and that's good, I go, oh, that's great. When I see something that is so bad and just so kind of like not even well tried territory. Just at the point where I go, there's nothing there, baby. There's nothing left. This is bad. This is old. When I see people still living in 20, like 15, 2014, when it comes to like jokes and shit, I'm always like, what? When I see a bunch of 50 year old men be like, I didn't know trans people were a thing. I'm like, yes, you did. Nigga, pull out your phone.

[A]

Of course you did. You're sleeping with them.

[B]

What?

[A]

What, what? And let's tell the big comedian doing trans stuff that we know that baby, wake it. We know that you're sleeping with trans.

[B]

People putting the her in chaser. Like.

[A]

We know it. You know what I think is funny though? Comics who. I think a lot of times comics who. When there's. To me there's like kind of. If you really boil it down, when it comes to craft, there's like two types of comedians.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's like the, the vibes base around maybe you tell some stories. I tend to fall more in that camp. And then there's really hard jokes set up punchline. And you're definitely in that camp. You're every, every.

[B]

That's Republican. You're right.

[A]

Stand up, stand up, stand up. And I, I have never ever minded when someone criticizes, criticizes any lane that I'm in comedically as another comedian, if it's someone I respect. Because I'm not taking it personal. Because, number one, I assume that they like me because they're my friend. And number two, I don't give a fuck because I know I'm good at what I do. Yeah, More people need that confidence.

[B]

And when you're good at what you do, a lot of times your stamp of approval is the audience laughing at the right time when you knew they were gonna laugh to varying degrees. This stamp of approval isn't comments saying, oh, this is good or this is bad. It's in real time in the room, people who understand it. What's scary about some of these people who kind of have these, like, regressive views is that they also get that positive feedback from people who might be aligned with those evil views. And then sometimes you just have to be like, if you get a person like Caleb in front of those people, they're gonna be like, oh, I'm also enjoying this. Let me question. Oh, wait a second. Yeah, I'm also enjoying this. So maybe, maybe I don't need to be as hard on trans people, on gay people. That's like, that's. That's the big thing for me is if you expose some of these people to comedians who are just as good and aren't even, like, preachy, they're just good, they'd be like, okay, you know what? I don't have to laugh at some of these very old and once again, backwards views on gender identity and expression.

[A]

But that's also. Here's the difference. I have made many Republicans laugh. I have made many straight guys laugh. I have. I will. If you. If you put me in a room of Jim Brewer fans, they might not like me as a person, but I guarantee you, give me 15 minutes, they will leave having laughed. If you put him in my audience. Absolutely not.

[B]

And I also have to say, if you're performing for Jim Brewer fans, Caleb, that's a lot of 60 year olds.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll get them.

[B]

That. That.

[A]

I know I'll get them.

[B]

That's. It's also a little bit of an age thing because they come to shows and we're doing. I mean, like, I think a lot of younger people are starting to come to more shows, but older people love coming to shows. Older people love buying tickets early.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Young people kind of like, I'll figure it out.

[A]

They wait until the last minute and then DM you and be like, oh, my God, King. Or are you. What are you gonna do about this? I'm like, nothing. What you're gonna do is next time, turn on notifications.

[B]

My favorite part is when the people go, I just missed you. When are you coming back? You go next year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think. Yeah.

[A]

What do you think?

[B]

This is the way the contract is set up. I can't come back in that city and perform my hour for another nine months. People don't know this. People actually don't know this radius. Cause you can't do it. We can't. Like, we do that day. And our teams say the reason that there's gonna be demand for this is because that person's not gonna be back here for another nine months minimum.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's never us not wanting to do the show again. We just legally can't.

[A]

I also can't have. I can't have, like, if I want to have a musician, like, on the benefit show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I want to have a musician friend come and play. And they've played Kansas City recently.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have to go get approval from that venue that they did in their team. Like, we can't just show up whenever we want. Technically.

[B]

I mean, but once again, y'all could show up because based on some of our target demos, y'all ain't doing nothing.

[A]

Come out, come outside. Come out. You've done it before. Heck, you did it in high school on Tumblr.

[B]

Twice.

[A]

Now. Come out to the show. Come on. What's it gonna hurt?

[B]

I do. I love gay fans. I love young fans. I like old fans. I like this couple. I like the girl who brings her guy and the guy. You get this a lot.

[A]

Oh, baby.

[B]

Cause I get it.

[A]

This is our bread and butter.

[B]

And the guy goes, I was worried at first.

[A]

I didn't know she made me come.

[B]

Hey, I was worried at first. I was worried at first. And you know. You know what they do afterwards? They go, but you know what?

[A]

Hey, if I see a girl and her boyfriend after a show, guaranteed about 15ft out, he's gonna approach me with this. He's going to one of these.

[B]

Come here, big dog. Hey, big dog. Hey, hey.

[A]

He's coming at me like this. I don't know if I'm getting slapped or if I'm getting.

[B]

Also. Also, the straight men that go to Caleb's shows and they come to my shows, they still try to let you know. Cause they'll hit me with the. And we probably get the same pseudonym. They'll be like, hey, big dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, big dog brother. Hey, man.

[A]

Pimp.

[B]

If I'm lucky, And you'll say one of your jokes. You'll, like, have a joke and it'll be funny. Everyone will laugh. Straight men. This is what straight men say. That really gets me. If you get a straight man on a good gay joke, they go, hey, yo, yo, man, chill out. Chill out. You do. They'll laugh at a dick sucking joke and be like, wait a minute.

[A]

Oh, no, Jay, no. I had a. I can't. The guy who drove me to the airport after the benefit show in Kansas City. I was leaving like a week or two later. He's like a mid-50s, like an older straight black guy. And he had come to the benefit show. He's involved in the union.

[B]

Wait a second.

[A]

He. What's that?

[B]

He might have been on speakerphone with the woman who drove me to the airport.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Because he was like, y'all did y'all thing.

[A]

Yeah, he told me because I did that. Like, it's not really quite a joke yet, but I told that story about the blowjob I got. In French.

[B]

Yeah, the French.

[A]

The long French blowjob that I got. And he was like. He was driving me. And that exact thing you're talking about, he was like. He was like, I didn't know when you started a story about getting your dick sucked by a guy, but I gotta say, you're gonna be very successful. You're gonna be very successful. Cause you got me. You got me and all my friends. And I was like, kennedy center honors, dude. I'm on top of the world right now.

[B]

There's no better feeling as a queer comedian. And this. Listen, we are not pandering for straight views. The majority of my fans are queer and queer adjacent. And by that, once again, I do mean barista. So I think whenever you get an older straight person to be like, that was funny. You almost wanna be like, yes, a lot of this is gonna be funny. You don't have to be worried. I got you. I'm not gonna go up there and alienate you. I want you to also have a good time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they get. I think there's a beauty and a kind of community in that. But it's just afterwards, it's always so funny to see them go, oh, my God, Whoa.

[A]

What did I enjoy?

[B]

Wait a second.

[A]

What does it say about me?

[B]

I gotta call my gay cousin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was wrong.

[A]

I'm breaking no contact. I'm calling my gay cousin. You know, there's a paranoia that I don't relate to in life that like, some leftist people, some right wing have it but like just a paranoia of like how you're being perceived. And I'm just like, enjoy what you enjoy. Yeah, give it a chance. Open yourself up, relax a little bit. Life is hard. Why are people so paranoid?

[B]

I think it's because being an outsider is so scary. Losing any sort of communal insulation is one of the scariest things in the world. Because if your idea of yourself doesn't align with your friend group and like, you push it down as long as you can, the minute you go, oh, this is actually who I am. If you lose all of that support unless you have like a long term relationship that's romantic, you kind of are. You go through life alone. You go, oh, I can't hang out with my friends. I can't text my friends. So like, that's what. Whenever people, whenever people come out, and this is specifically for a lot of people who end up like, figuring out gender identity and expression stuff, they go, I'm actually, I'm not scared to like, I'm not scared to wear different clothes. I'm not scared to use different pronouns. What they're scared of is losing friends. And like, I think sometimes a microcosm of that is straight men not knowing that they can enjoy comedy that isn't already this straight male dominated comedy. Cause I'll see it and they'll be like, oh, this is who I usually like. And I'll be like, you're gonna like all these other people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And these people are funny without having to take their shirt off all the time. Which, you know, it's just like one of those things.

[A]

Don't, please don't get me stammered.

[B]

I'm not a. Listen, I'm nice.

[A]

Please don't get me stunned.

[B]

I'm nice. I'm not a petty bitch.

[A]

You're not. You're not petty. I have a question for you, Jay. Yes, Jay Jordan, what's so true to you?

[B]

What's so true to me? Okay, okay. I've been thinking about this. Good for a long time.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You know what's true to me? Rankin Bass, Christmas Stop Motion specials.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Santa Claus is coming to Town. A year without a Santa Claus. Okay, I'm gonna hit you with this one. Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. People don't know about that one. People know about Rudolph, Jack Frost, Nestor, the Long Eared Donkey, Little drummer boy. Oh my God, these changed lives.

[A]

Yeah, Tell em.

[B]

And people are scared. Yeah, I was scared.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause I watched them when I was younger and they're kind of scary.

[A]

Yeah. Especially the heat. Miser.

[B]

The heat. Oh, my God. Heat Meiser.

[A]

Scary iconic bitch.

[B]

Listen, I think that we need to keep these. They need to keep going.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm so scared that we're gonna lose them. Yeah, save em. Digitize them, please.

[A]

Save them.

[B]

I tried to watch one yesterday and I found out I had to download Pluto, the Pluto app.

[A]

Life gets dark when you see Pluto. Enter the conversation. You're trying to watch something and Pluto comes through. That's when shit gets bleak.

[B]

Pluto.

[A]

No offense to Pluto. I'm sure they'll be the biggest thing in like, two years.

[B]

Yeah, I'm Pluto.

[A]

We're all gonna be trying to sell specialists to Pluto in two years. My love to the team at Pluto.

[B]

Yeah, you. Not even a planet no more. And you doing.

[A]

And you're doing the Rankin'you're.

[B]

Doing. No, but those things are so true to me because they exist. They make me happy about Christmas. We're recording this around Christmas. Yeah, they make me happy about Christmas. You know what else is so true to me?

[A]

Say it.

[B]

Bisexuality.

[A]

Yes. I've been saying.

[B]

Yeah, roll it back. Yeah. Bisexuality. It is the natural state of things. I think that what happens is everyone, like Caleb is an out bisexual. I want you.

[A]

You know what? Don't make me be earnest about my cause. Hey, here's the thing. You want me to be completely honest.

[B]

No, we aren't.

[A]

Might be a couple. Might be a couple.

[B]

Listen, he's not got a spotless record.

[A]

I do not. I'm not going so far.

[B]

But you're like the chiefs. You're like 12 and one.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And barely surviving. And barely surviving. So stupid.

[B]

I love hanging out with you.

[A]

I love hanging out with you.

[B]

You're very funny.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

No. You're very funny. Yeah, you're very funny. So handsome, so well dressed. Great taste in music. Thank you. Great taste in music.

[A]

Stop. That's true.

[B]

By the way. I believe you. You put me on a couple people.

[A]

I'll put you on to some more, too. I'm not playing around.

[B]

Well, you know what it is when Caleb drives you, if you go, oh, I wanna. You go. I'm not. Don't turn.

[A]

Yeah, you're not touching that. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Touching the ox cord in my car. There won't be any need for that, my friend. Put on that seatbelt.

[B]

He's also extremely humble. I want y'all to know Caleb has a car situation right now. That whenever he turns on his car. What's the song that comes on?

[A]

Oh, God. My Old ass Car A Team by Ed Sheeran plays Every time I turn the car on, he plugs his phone.

[B]

In and it instantly starts, and I.

[A]

Have to plug it in with, like, a converter to the. Like, I have an old.

[B]

So all those people who like Caleb change. He got a bunch of money. No, not.

[A]

Not in Kansas City.

[B]

Kansas City.

[A]

I'm in my old ass car listening to a team.

[B]

That's so funny. He was like, just so you know, every time I turn the car off, whenever you get in someone's car and they start giving disclaimers, that's. That's a real bitch. Yeah. I had a car at one point, I was like, okay, I gotta get in first and then open the passenger door for you just so it sticks a little bit.

[A]

Just so.

[B]

Just so you know.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

I. And listen, I got a husband with that car. Yeah, I have sold the car, but I got a. My husband has kept the husband, though. I kept the husband. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I sold the car, kept the husband.

[B]

So the car, kept the husband. The husband also. He is. He's so sweet. If you want to get married, I'm gonna give some people relationship advice right now, if you don't mind. If you want to get.

[A]

I was about to ask. I'm serious. I'm locked in right now.

[B]

If you want to find a man, here's what you need. And this is actually good advice for you. You need a Southern gay, right? A Southern gay. Y'all looking for gays in Los Angeles. Heaven forbid, right?

[A]

Get a.

[B]

You. They've been gay too long.

[A]

People who grew up in war zones haven't gone through what I went through dating in la. I'll tell you that. I'll tell you that. I don't care how many days you've gone without a meal. You haven't been through what I've been through. Dating gay men in LA.

[B]

Can we set up a GoFundMe for Caleb's Louisiana dating?

[A]

Set up a dick fund me. I need a man. I've got money. Don't send me money. Send me a man. God, if you can hear me, I've got money. Send me a man. Please, God.

[B]

That's a progressive church altar call. Brother Caleb is single.

[A]

His bills are paid.

[B]

Brother Caleb is single. We've been praying. The church elders have been praying. They said, we need you to find one of them.

[A]

Send him a man.

[B]

Send him a man.

[A]

Send him a man. Please.

[B]

He doesn't have to be smart.

[A]

Do you know what I did the other Night I had this guy over. We had great. We had great time. I played him some music. As I want to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We smoked some weed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We had some. Some sex. A little bit of fun. I sent him home with a book. There's something changing in me.

[B]

Send him home with a book.

[A]

I'm becoming. I'm becoming a stately older gay.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

He was younger than me. I said, have you read this book? He said, no. I said, take it.

[B]

Hey, before you. And before you come back. And before you come back, there will be a quiz, kind of.

[A]

I'm a little like, next time I see you, I want at least three chapters down. I want to see where you're at. That's kind of what's going on with me.

[B]

Was he so young? You were just like. Also, let me just see if you can read.

[A]

He was at the. No, he can read. He was at the bottom of my age range.

[B]

So I will say that. I will say that. Yeah. What's the top of your age range? Because once again, as a person who studies 38. Well, because you have the joke where you go, I want you. I want to set you up with my friend.

[A]

People got mad about that one. Let me tell you something, by the way, every time I talk about having standards for myself and dating, people are in the comments going, beggars can't be choosers. Honey, I have never begged for anything in my life except for seconds at dinner. You better talk to someone else.

[B]

I have begged for you all to stop. Actually, I've begged. Hey, form an orderly line.

[A]

Beggars and choosers. I will fuck your dad. What are you, Beggars and choosers.

[B]

He has fucked your dad. The person who typed that, he has made your dad suck his.

[A]

Just so you know, beggars can't be choosers. I can't believe it. Beggars, talk to me.

[B]

Beggars, beggars.

[A]

I'm really like, y'all think so little of fat people. It's crazy. Ugh.

[B]

Don't they understand? This is going to sound ass. Good asses are mostly fat. Come on, we have to.

[A]

A nice fat ass, a nice pair of tits.

[B]

Listen, they're yo.

[A]

Fat. Y'all love fat.

[B]

And the people who be saying that. Look at your grandma, by the way, because she's big.

[A]

She's. And it's not big boned either. She's big around the arms and the stomach.

[B]

Look at your grandma and guess what, Guess what, Guess what? She was rocking your granddaddy's world. Don't.

[A]

Don't don't talk to me about beggars and choosers. When your grandma uses the persons of size policy on Southwest Airlines. That extra seat is awfully loud in this conversation. When she's got old lady who makes good macaroni and cheese arms where the top hangs over the bottom. Stop it. Stop it.

[B]

Now you got a big grandma. She got a brassiere come up there. Not a bra, a brassiere, full size.

[A]

Yeah. When your aunt is well known at Lane Bryant, and you're talking to me about beggars and choosers. Cut it out. Cut it out. Stop. Now.

[B]

You got a big auntie, you got a big uncle, you got big cousins. And you saying.

[A]

And a small bank account, and you're talking to me. That is what cracks me up. They're worried about the numbers. I see when I get on the scale, no savings, no income, no bitches, probably very few friends. We're looking at the wrong numbers, brother. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, baby. You need to fatten up your pocket fat enough.

[A]

You need to grow your social circle. Your number of bitches currently zero. I'm guessing.

[B]

Mine. 16.

[A]

Hey, 16 bitches at any given moment. 16.

[B]

That's because that. Because the thing is, people are gonna call people fat no matter what. You remember, there was a point in time where people call Megan the stallion fat, which is crazy. They were calling Megan thee stallion fat, which is crazy. Do you understand Megan thee stallion's proportions? My granddaddy's already dead. If he saw a picture of Megan thee stallion from Instagram, it would kill him again.

[A]

He would have spontaneously combusted.

[B]

He would go. I go, granddaddy, you all right?

[A]

That's because a lot of these people are un. Southern. They don't know.

[B]

Because in the South. In the south, like, there's a culture of abundance, there's a food culture, and there's also, like, in the south, because it's so polite, if you get skinny fast, they don't go, oh, my gosh, you got so skinny. They go, you sick?

[A]

Yeah, something's wrong.

[B]

You sick.

[A]

Hey, that's not good.

[B]

You got that shit.

[A]

Hold on. That shit.

[B]

You own that shit. You either own that shit or you got that shit. He's back on that shit, by the way. He's back on that shit. Hey, hide your copper. He's back on that.

[A]

I'm not even trying. I can't get started in that right now. I can't get started in stealing that catalytic converter up quickly because your cousin's coming to town and he's back on that he knows where you live, he knows what you drive, and he's using again.

[B]

I was about to say you are from Kansas.

[A]

Yeah, I'm from. I'm from rural Missouri.

[B]

You're from. That's Missouri.

[A]

At that point, if. That. If someone died in that house, you better get the appliances out of there quickly because the neighbor's grandson uses, and he knows that the place is empty. I don't know what to tell you, Jeremy.

[B]

Get the fuck out of here.

[A]

That's. But that's not funny, is it?

[B]

That's not funny.

[A]

That's not funny.

[B]

That's not funny. Addiction is real.

[A]

I'm not trying to beat the fat allegations. That's all out in the open. I'm obviously fat. I'm trying to beat the virgin.

[B]

What if you were. What if you, like, keep calling me fat?

[A]

Hey, hold on.

[B]

There is a level. Okay? No, but this is. There is a level of where there are some people. I know where people go. You keep calling me fat. Come to Mississippi. Let me actually show you.

[A]

Oh, my God. I know. Well, this. You know what happened to me once? I was with a fat friend. Big individual. Okay, okay. Now, I said something about, like. I was like, oh, you know, both of us fat asses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tears. Tears. They didn't know that. They were. They didn't know that we were siblings in that way. They were. They were like. I just. I'm sorry. I just like the fact that you called me, like, a fat ass. Like, I just was not. I was like, well, I thought you knew.

[B]

You went, girl, you got somewhere here.

[A]

Yeah, I thought you knew. You're big as hell.

[B]

No, that was you. To the. Your friend.

[A]

I was like, girl, you didn't know. I couldn't believe it. I was. I'm shocked to this day. Tears.

[B]

Yeah. You gave me your blizzard to cry.

[A]

You've never walked past a window that was shiny and. Or a mirror. I was like, you're big. I didn't mean it as a bad thing. I'm also obviously right there with you, but.

[B]

Well, I think that sometimes, at least currently, there's a softening of some language where if you say something that kind of directed people to me, that's also, like, part of the symptom where if someone says, oh, Caleb, do you want to do this thing? You go, I don't want to do that. So I'm not gonna do that. They go, yeah. Can I talk to you for a second?

[A]

That is how I act, by the way.

[B]

You said you didn't want to go. To that thing pretty quick. You didn't even check to see if you were busy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that hurt.

[A]

It didn't matter if I was busy. I don't want to go.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess maybe it's a sensitivity to the directness of it all.

[B]

I mean, but direct is funny. Direct is also easy to like. So many people are like, sometimes I'm conflict avoidant, if you can believe it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I actually find that really surprising.

[B]

Well, this is what. But this is what I say because I'm so like, oh, my gosh. I'm always like, well, let me check. Never check really? Well. Cause, well, as, you know, as a comedian, people ask you to do a lot of stuff, right. You gonna get a. Let me check from me. Yeah, I'm not gonna check a lot of those times. Times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna wait for the it to lapse.

[A]

I've started telling the truth, which is I was. Especially with shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Someone says, can you do my show on November 12th or whatever? And I say, hey, I'm not sure I'm gonna want to do that. Can you check back with me a little bit closer too?

[B]

Because I don't want to lie to.

[A]

You because I like you, but the truth is, I might not want to do a show that night. And I. I started getting in trouble for canceling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People hate when I cancel me is I'm gonna do what I want to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So let's just maybe exist in that space together and then no one's feelings have to get hurt. But some people do not like that. Some people would rather I lie. And I'm like, why would I lie to you? I like you.

[B]

I have seen certain people cancel too much. This is when people get mad.

[A]

Oh, I'm one of them people.

[B]

No, it's not you.

[A]

No. Yes, Jay, I promise you, I'm one of them.

[B]

I know it's not you because I'm talking about people canceling their shows. I'm not talking about.

[A]

I won't do that.

[B]

You canceling a spot, I'll upset someone.

[A]

Else'S fans, not mine. That's your fans problem. My fans will eat.

[B]

I know two instances where, like, when you start to cancel, cancel shows a lot, people, they start commenting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They start saying, oh, is this one actually gonna happen?

[A]

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what. About two years ago when things really started changing for me in, like, ticket sales.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People have started now. Pretty much every show I do, I know at least four or five people are flying in from other places because I've met them. And now I'm like, I won't cancel a show unless something is really wrong.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, because now I'm like, that's fucked up. People are getting flights in hotels. Yeah, that's a different thing. And I wouldn't really do it beforehand because I do respect my fans so much. And the, the relationship of like, you spending your hard earned money to see me talk is. That's psycho to me.

[B]

All right, Caleb.

[A]

But man.

[B]

Caleb, are you these people who get hotels?

[A]

I have. Are you asking why I a fan?

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, good.

[A]

I've been very clear about that. Let me be clear. I fucked a couple fans this week. I'm not kidding. I. A guy messaged me the other day. A guy messed me the other day at 2pm and said, I'm a fan. Do you want a job? I said, come on over. I brought him to my house. I'll fuck a fan.

[B]

You said, wait a second. How big of fan if you're cute though.

[A]

Because here's the thing. I've said this and now I've got some. All love, but I've got some ugly fans hitting me up. I'm not you because you're a fan. That's not what gets me off. You still need. I want to be attracted to you, but yeah, I've got some. Don't hit me up if you look like Quasimodo. I'm kidding. Of course there's sometimes that. That's appropriate.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm into all types. But I'll fuck a fan easy. No problem. Yeah, no problem. Would love to.

[B]

That's a privilege as a male comedian to joke about. Cause some female comedians, they have to be like, oh, I would never. And I wanna be like, girl, yes, you should.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, we get to like, we get the. Especially also we have the balance of being queer. Cause like, if a straight male comedian's like, oh, I'll fuck fans, I'll be like, cancel him. But us, we get to be like, like, yeah, it's different. Let me see.

[A]

Also, privilege is such. Sometimes people. I know you're not doing this, but it's funny. Sometimes people launch. They levy privilege at you as if you should stop doing it. I'm like, well, no, there's also the other meaning of privilege, which is like, it is my privilege, you know, I do enjoy getting to do this. Yeah.

[B]

Honestly, it's a privilege for you too.

[A]

Yeah. I, I posted recently about going on.

[B]

You understand how much a Meet and greet would cost.

[A]

Right. And I don't do those.

[B]

So there's kind of. You spell a meat different, but.

[A]

Yeah, I'm doing a meet and greet of some sort.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I posted recently about a late night walk and how good it is for my. My brain and my creativity and.

[B]

Man, you old. Damn.

[A]

I know you give books away. I'm giving books.

[B]

You go for strolls.

[A]

I give a book to a young man that I hooked up with.

[B]

And then you went for a stroll.

[A]

And then I went for a stroll and cleared my head.

[B]

A nighttime crazy.

[A]

A night walk. And some woman commented and was like, this is so privileged. And I'm like, yeah, yes, it is. It is a privilege. And also, I'm enjoying it. And I'm gonna talk about it. I don't know what to tell you. You've got privileges. I've got privileges.

[B]

He wanted you to be scared that you.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. What a privileged take.

[A]

Yeah. What a privileged take. And it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's not wrong.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, but what does that mean?

[A]

What am I gonna do with that.

[B]

When that starts to happen? What I like to do is I like to imagine more scenarios. Like earlier in this conversation, I said, you know, I'm kicking my feet and someone's like, feet, plural? How privileged?

[A]

How privileged? And it is. And that's okay. It's a privilege. My treat, my pleasure. Yeah. To have both my feet.

[B]

I'm lucky.

[A]

What a good time to be alive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're me and a guy who likes seven feet. And I do. Okay. Do you have the true or false questions for me?

[B]

I know this trivia. So true.

[A]

So trivia.

[B]

You know who I saw the. Chris. Which one? Who was it? Chris Fleming.

[A]

Yeah. That evil individual. Okay. Don't look up there, because the answer up there. You got to stay focused on me. Jjerg.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know what happens?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get 10 or more. Correct?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars.

[B]

$50.

[A]

$50.

[B]

$50.

[A]

And you almost fucked that guy. You were training for that in Chipotle gift cards, so who knows what I might get? All right. Eli Manning attended the University of Tennessee.

[B]

False.

[A]

False.

[B]

He attended Ole Miss. Peyton went to University of Tennessee.

[A]

Damn. Mario Kart was originally a stage play before becoming a video game.

[B]

No. But false.

[A]

False. There are zero remaining Kmart locations.

[B]

False.

[A]

False. They're Fine. Lake Superior has a larger landmass than the entire country of Scotland.

[B]

This seems anti Shrek. False.

[A]

True. You can hear a blue whale's heartbeat from over two miles away.

[B]

But you're underwater. Why are you being nosy? True.

[A]

True. Dragonflies walk more than they fly.

[B]

False.

[A]

False. They can't walk. The King of hearts is the only king card without a mustache.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

Privilege.

[B]

Privilege.

[A]

The king of hearts is the only king card without a mustache.

[B]

Ooh, it has a beer. So. False.

[A]

True. In South Korea, a baby is considered one year old at birth.

[B]

I don't do racial stuff, Caleb.

[A]

Yes, you do.

[B]

Okay, too much.

[A]

We're gonna talk off.

[B]

True.

[A]

True. Ride the Boat is the official state song of Mississippi.

[B]

False.

[A]

False. It's Go, Mississippi. A duck can't walk without bobbing its head.

[B]

True.

[A]

That's true. Titanium can scratch a diamond.

[B]

Ooh. False.

[A]

False. Only another diamond can Glengarry get along. That's why we get along. Two diamonds scratching each other. Glengarry Glen Ross was written by Harold Pinter.

[B]

Oh, my God. Harold Pinter. It was written by David Mamet.

[A]

Enter. False. It was David Mamet. Walrus can go without sleep for. For 84 hours.

[B]

Okay. Andy Reid stuff. Okay.

[A]

No, you cannot help yourself.

[B]

You're so incorrigible. False.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The tham has the fastest growing nail.

[B]

The thumb has the fastest growing nail. This is true.

[A]

False. It's the middle finger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The first phone booth was created in 1881.

[B]

True.

[A]

You sure?

[B]

False.

[A]

It was true.

[B]

He hates bisexual people.

[A]

Don't count that one. How do you do? Let's go.

[B]

Give me my money.

[A]

Give me my money.

[B]

Eli Manning. Eli Manning. Let me tell you something about Eli Manning.

[A]

Say it now.

[B]

Two Super Bowls, right? He should have won zero. They're both flukes, right? He beat the Patriots twice, Which to me proves that if you're a dumb Southerner, every now and then you can whip a Yankee. Yeah, every now and then. People don't like it when I say Yankee. Cause it makes them think that I was for the south in the Civil War. And I want to remind those people I wasn't alive. Also, black people, we kind of did have a vested interest in one side winning which side? No, but I like the fact that Eli beat the fucking Pats twice. Yeah, he went to Ole Miss. It was before I was there. I'm not that old. Yeah. We could talk about college football. We don't have to.

[A]

Oh, we will. We could at another time, though. Our time is up, Jay. We've kept you for long enough. Thank you so much.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Thank you for being here.

[B]

Thank you for being here.

[A]

Thanks for doing it. We begged. We begged to beg to get you. We said, jay, please come.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes. Is there anything you want, people? I said, caleb, I will only do this show if you recant your hateful, biphobic rhetoric.

[A]

And I have. I'm done with it. It's in the past. No more joking about that, because it's not funny.

[B]

Y'all haven't seen this in between takes? He was eating some pussy.

[A]

Jay, that stuff is private. Come on.

[B]

Just like. Like that baby with that rib.

[A]

That sounds like an old Southern saying. When he gets around good pussy, he's like a baby with a rib.

[B]

You go, he don't know what to do.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No skill, all passion. He's non.

[B]

If you can eat ribs, you can eat.

[A]

Yes. I've been saying, tell people where they can find you right now. Do it now.

[B]

You can find me at Jerdan. All one word on all social media. I'm even on Blue sky, even though y'all are nerds.

[A]

So, yeah. God, blue Sky. God, Blue sky makes me so sad.

[B]

Yeah. You know what it is? You need some tension to make stuff fun. Yeah. Cause on Blue sky, no one's posting something and everyone's attacking them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On Twitter, every now and then, someone's like, look at this Thanksgiving plate. And it's a thousand people going, it looks like dog shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On Blue sky, everyone's like, you tried.

[A]

I don't post my plates. Oh, that's one thing about me. I don't post my plates.

[B]

Cause you're not.

[A]

You're begging. Someone's gonna be mean to you. You're begging for it. It's.

[B]

People don't know. It better be elite. Yeah.

[A]

And mine are. Yeah, but I'm not posting them.

[B]

But you can't unless. Like it. You're right. You're right.

[A]

And do you know how many times I see a friend post a dinner they made for themselves in their Instagram stories with clear pride? And it looks so bad. And I'm like, you, I can't believe you posted. I barely believe you ate it, but to post it. Oh, goodness.

[B]

You know what? I can believe it, because I'll see their man. I'll be like, oh, okay. That's right. I see you posting both of these.

[A]

Jay, I love you. Thank you for being here.

[B]

So true. I love you.

[A]

That was a Headgum podcast.