Sydnee Washington is an Old Soul

Summary

Podcast Summary: So True with Caleb Hearon - Episode: Sydnee Washington is an Old Soul

Host: Headgum
Guest: Sydnee Washington
Release Date: October 3, 2024
Duration: Approximately 76 minutes

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon," beloved gay comedian Caleb Hearon welcomes Sydnee Washington, affectionately dubbed an "Old Soul," for an in-depth conversation. The duo navigates through a myriad of topics, blending humor with heartfelt insights, as they explore Sydnee's journey in the comedy world, her experiences in New York City, and broader societal observations.

---

Moving to New York: Embracing the Big Apple

Sydnee recounts her tumultuous move to New York City, expressing mixed emotions about the transition from Los Angeles. The conversation kicks off with a playful banter about their relocation:

• [00:26] B: "I'm in your city."
• [01:33] A: "All that yapping you was doing, like New York, y'all don't have no space to poverty, blah, blah, blah."

Sydnee highlights the city's vibrant talent and relentless energy despite its challenges:

• [02:00] B: "This city is a tough place to."
• [02:02] A: "You've seen talent, you've seen power, you've seen raw emotion."

---

Comedy Career and Performances

The duo delves into Sydnee's foray into stand-up comedy, sharing anecdotes from her early performances and the hurdles she faced:

• [03:12] A: "You did the Knitting Factory comedy at the knit."
• [03:27] B: "I did the Knitting Factory. I hope I do a good job."

Sydnee reflects on the evolution of her comedic style and the impact of social media on her creativity:

• [09:16] A: "But when you just have it all, when it just comes to you space, the homes, the rooms, you lacks."
• [09:23] B: "So y'all go see Sydney at the Chicago, at the Chicago Zanies when she comes through town."

---

Social Media and Creativity: Navigating the Digital Landscape

A significant portion of the episode addresses the pitfalls of social media and its effect on creative expression. Sydnee expresses frustration with the superficiality she perceives online:

• [10:59] A: "We don't take pictures of the sky. We don't care about nature."
• [11:09] A: "Wait, hold up. Caleb, I just want you to know and industry knows when people start archiving stuff."

Caleb shares his struggles with creative blocks exacerbated by the constant bombardment of content:

• [10:31] B: "For your creative block."
• [10:32] A: "Yes, absolutely."

They discuss the importance of authenticity and finding a balance between online presence and personal well-being:

• [27:16] A: "Well, sometimes you have to tell yourself that you're killing it."
• [37:00] B: "I don't like being submissive in their whole life or dominant when it."

---

Customer Service Frustrations: A Tale of Poor Experiences

Both Sydnee and Caleb vent about their disappointing encounters with customer service, using humor to underscore their exasperation:

• [59:30] A: "You should have said that because then they would have been like, they might have hopped too."
• [61:25] A: "But you're a new person."

They recount specific instances, such as poor service at Sephora and frustrating experiences at local delis, highlighting a perceived decline in professionalism across various industries:

• [57:32] A: "The lack of. They really was like, wrap it up, bitch. What you need?"
• [61:07] A: "I'm pissed. And so I'm."

---

Relationship Dynamics and Privacy: Maintaining Boundaries

The discussion shifts to personal relationships and the importance of maintaining privacy in an age of oversharing. Sydnee emphasizes the value of keeping relationships on a "need to know" basis:

• [67:46] A: "I think if you're in a relationship, you don't have to post."
• [68:07] A: "I think we've done that too much."

Caleb agrees, reflecting on the pressures to constantly share intimate details online and the benefits of preserving certain aspects of one's personal life:

• [68:05] A: "What's so true to me is having that boundary of, like, we on a need to know basis."
• [71:01] B: "I love you dearly."

---

Political Discussions: Navigating a Divisive Landscape

Caleb and Sydnee engage in a candid dialogue about the current political climate, touching on topics like election integrity and leadership:

• [43:30] A: "You don't want those people on your side."
• [44:25] B: "The racist ass Electoral college is the reason that so many people have won office that shouldn't have."

They express frustration with political figures and systems, debating the efficacy and fairness of electoral processes:

• [45:32] A: "And when you see people doing these rants about, you know, you, you."
• [46:00] B: "Yes."

Their conversation underscores a shared disillusionment with the state of politics and a yearning for more authentic leadership.

---

Final Thoughts and Conclusion

As the episode winds down, Caleb and Sydnee reflect on personal growth, the importance of self-awareness, and the pursuit of happiness beyond societal expectations:

• [48:18] B: "I am happy. I would say I'm at peace."
• [50:56] A: "Let us miss you. I'm big on this recently. Let us miss you."

They advocate for setting boundaries, embracing moments of relaxation, and resisting the incessant pressure to perform or engage continuously:

• [51:13] B: "I have put my phone on do not disturb and it hasn't come off."
• [55:36] A: "But people are still working, babe."

The episode concludes on a positive note, celebrating authentic connections and the resilience required to maintain personal well-being amidst external chaos:

• [75:34] A: "I love you so much. Thanks for being on."
• [76:08] B: "That was a Headgum podcast."

---

Notable Quotes

• [02:17] B: "Tell my story. Tell my story. Tell them about me."
• [10:59] A: "We don't take pictures of the sky. We don't care about nature."
• [27:16] A: "Well, sometimes you have to tell yourself that you're killing it."
• [43:30] A: "You don't want those people on your side."
• [51:13] B: "I have put my phone on do not disturb and it hasn't come off."

---

Conclusion

This episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon" offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal anecdotes, and critical reflections on contemporary issues. Sydnee Washington and Caleb Hearon create a compelling dialogue that not only entertains but also provides meaningful commentary on navigating life in the modern world. Their candidness about personal struggles, societal observations, and the quest for authenticity resonates deeply, making this episode a standout addition to Caleb's weekly podcast series.

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgun podcast.

[B]

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[A]

I don't have it in me to capitalize. I don't have the strength.

[B]

Well, then you don't have the strength to jump.

[A]

You're in my city.

[B]

I'm in your city.

[A]

I have to say that. Up top.

[B]

I moved to New York. Did you ever think it would happen?

[A]

I knew it was.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

All that yapping you was doing, like New York, y'all don't have no space to poverty, blah, blah, blah. Look at you. Look at you. You couldn't wait. You couldn't wait to get here.

[B]

I don't know about couldn't wait. I came kicking and screaming. I came kicking and screaming. It was the lies.

[A]

Caleb.

[B]

This city. I've seen some things already. This city is a tough place to.

[A]

You've seen talent, you've seen power, you've seen raw emotion.

[B]

Now where, now where have I seen talent?

[A]

It's everywhere. It's everywhere. It's literally everywhere. From security, from the subway, the corner store. Don't do that. You know la, you gotta. There's a lot of searching, searching and searching here. It's right next to you.

[B]

I'm not looking for town. Anywhere I go. Oh, because it's everywhere I go.

[A]

Oh, because I'm there.

[B]

Come on now. Narcissist, baby. Tell my story. Tell my story. Tell them about me. Maybe I am a narcissist. Because even you saying something about me felt good. I was like, that's nice. Even she's dragging me. I felt nice.

[A]

You, I see the glow. You're really alive now.

[B]

I'm alive when I'm with you. It's good to see you.

[A]

I. Caleb, Wait, how did we meet? I'm trying to remember. I like Grinder. Stop.

[B]

Grinder.

[A]

I met. I met you in la, though, right?

[B]

Did you?

[A]

I feel like. No, no, no, I did.

[B]

I genuinely feel. I've known you my whole life.

[A]

You know what? And that's the power. That's the power of queerness.

[B]

That is the power. Because I'm like, I don't know when I met you, but I know that I met you. And then I said, that's family.

[A]

Yes. No. Immediately I was like, oh, no, no, no. He's going to be here for a while. And then. Oh, and then you came to New York, and that's when we had our last knit. And I was like, you have. You have to do the show.

[B]

I did the Knitting Factory.

[A]

The last Knitting Factory comedy at the knit. And you. Crazy crush. And I was like, okay, Caleb, clearly he doesn't need us.

[B]

Oh, I felt so special to be on that show because there were so many great comics and a bunch of people I didn't know, but I knew of them. You know, I know I could be.

[A]

Like, oh, I've seen the Internet. I know you.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen their stuff. Seen them on a show or something. But people that. We didn't know each other personally. And I was like, oh, I hope I do a good job.

[A]

You did. And you were your name. And now look at you, King.

[B]

And look at.

[A]

Hey, I'm over here, Here.

[B]

Now I'm over here in the students. What's going on with you?

[A]

Oh, so much, so much. You know, I. There's always so many eras of me eras. You know, the eras tour. And then there's Sydney eras.

[B]

Sydney eras. Yeah.

[A]

And so I was in la, miserable, and now I've blossomed into where I need to be, you know, A glowing, inspiring motivational speaker in New York. I'm looking for an apartment. That's hell. Yes, that's hell. Yes, that's hell.

[B]

But looking for an apartment near me, I hope.

[A]

I don't know wherever my card is gonna get swiped. Right. You see you in a different bracket, babe. You're different. You got property. You are a Rothschild. It's different for me.

[B]

I just need you by me.

[A]

Yeah, Okay.

[B]

I don't care what it takes. I don't care what we have to do, what strings we have to pull.

[A]

Well, I know you got rooms, so if you really want me by you, then I mean, Just get me in one of them rooms, babe. Living room, bedroom, bathroom, whatever room you got for me.

[B]

All you have to do. If you ever need to stay with me, you know, you can come over there.

[A]

Lay my bob on your pillow.

[B]

Can come over there.

[A]

I will.

[B]

Well, I'm ch. So where you been? You. You weren't in New York for a minute. Where'd you go?

[A]

Well, you know, I've been hopping and bopping around. I was in West Nyack last week. I was in Pittsburgh before that.

[B]

Oh, you do Pittsburgh? Did you do Bottle Rocket?

[A]

I did, yeah. No, that. That's fam. That's fam there. I didn't know that Pittsburgh could bring such alive people. The people are great there.

[B]

They're fun.

[A]

And, you know, I got. I got. I got a little fan over. The fans over there, so it's good. I went to Dublin. That was nice. What were you in Dublin for? For a comedy festival.

[B]

You were doing a comedy festival?

[A]

Yeah. You know, I'm international.

[B]

I know you're international because you did London as well. You did soho.

[A]

Yeah, soho Theater. You know, I didn't sell it out, but, you know, you start somewhere so that you can have something to do next time, you know, you don't have.

[B]

To tell me about being a fan of Sydney, Washington.

[A]

I'm one of the originals. I've been in here quiet as is kept. I'm slept on. I'm most slept on individually in New York. Just so everybody knows.

[B]

You think you slept on?

[A]

I'm slept on.

[B]

Do you think you're slept on?

[A]

I mean, these realtors, they're sleeping me because I'm like, baby, give me the. Give me the apartment. Why are you trying to give me a slither of a space so I could fold up a piece of bread to lay on? I need an apartment so that I could really thrive. I'm not on the Internet right now until I get properly housed.

[B]

And that's that, Sydney.

[A]

That's that.

[B]

I'm going to tell you a hard truth. You're a little difficult with the apartment search because you called me the other day and you said, I'm not having brown cabinets.

[A]

I don't want no brown cabinets. No, I don't want no white refrigerator.

[B]

I have brown cabinets.

[A]

You know what? You also have rooms. You have many rooms. I'm not doing brown cabinets to be in a studio that's smaller than this. I'm not doing that. So I know that New York, obviously, I'm gonna get a. I love New York. A neck tattoo. I Will die for the city. But what I won't do. I'm not paying $4,000 to live in a slit. I'm not. So there's that. No, but what I'm asking for, if you want these crazy prices. Right, then I need everything updated. I need the doorman to be awake and to make sure he's securing. I don't want to do no walk ups. Why is it $3,500 for me to go to the fifth floor? Oh, no, no. I should be elevated to the fifth floor. New York. What it is, is she knows that she's that girl. But you're dusty, though. You're. You're that girl. But there's so much dust. And I. I just want New York to ease up. I blame Eric Adams.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

Yes. His thug passion vape pen. And he, you know, he's wearing uptowns. He's going to every club. He has no respect. He actually, I can't wait. We will rest when Eric Adams is out. Out of the city.

[B]

You think we need a Republican in there?

[A]

No, I didn't say that. I did not say that. Why would you.

[B]

Why do you have asking questions? I'm an interviewer, babe.

[A]

What I'm asking for is a mayor that cares about its people. Yeah, I can't. I can't be a creative if I'm stressed about living.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Living somewhere. New York was best. Early 2000. I'm just going to keep it a thousand with you. New York was best.

[B]

You know who the mayor was?

[A]

Who?

[B]

Rudy Giuliani.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

We can't put this out. We can't put this out. We can't put this out. Gonna have a heyday. They're gonna have a heyday with it. Don't put this out.

[A]

I'm a stand on it. I'm a stand on the Rue de Giuliani. Yes, my city. My city was glowing, okay? Glowing. Yes, it was. It was crazy. It was crazy. Yes, we had 9 11, but it was still. Honestly, 911 is what made New York as powerful as it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it would let people know. It's like, bitch, we are the people that they want to shut down. We're not going to Minnesota. We're not going to Kansas City. We're not going to Philadelphia. Well, they did. But that's. That's not here nor there. But I'm just saying. You told me to cool it. Now we. Now we calm.

[B]

Now we're calm.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

We're calm. You just have to be careful. You have to Be careful in the Midwest.

[A]

Oh, yes, I apologize.

[B]

It's a special place. No, well, people there don't have to live on top of each other, so it's harder to do terrorism. That is true.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That is true. That is true.

[A]

I just want to say because you guys have so much space, you're missing a lot of. What? Personality?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Brains.

[B]

Yeah. Missing personality and brains.

[A]

So much space and so much power that you're bored.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's not a lot. The vibes is off, it's low vibrational. So when the more you have to like really work for something and like have less, but you're really going to bring out the best in you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But when you just have it all, when it just comes to you space, the homes, the rooms, you lacks.

[B]

So y'all go see Sydney at the Chicago, at the Chicago Zanies when she comes through town. Y'all go see those tour dates when she comes through.

[A]

They see me, baby, they see me. They know what I give.

[B]

What, what do you think about creatively right now? What's going on with you doing stand up right now?

[A]

I am doing stand up. I, I won't, I won't lie. There's a little bit of a block. The blockage is.

[B]

Oh, same. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

The blockage is. I hate to do this to the youths because you know, we're putting this on the Internet. But I blame, I blame social media.

[B]

For your creative block.

[A]

Yes, absolutely.

[B]

Do you want to walk me through that?

[A]

I'm seeing too much, I'm knowing too much. I don't need any of this. I need a blank canvas for my brain and for what I want to put out there. But every time I pick up this fucking phone, I see Tom, Dick and Harry. Every Tom, Dick and Harry, they're like, everybody has something to say. There's pov, there's. You get the filming. I remember when we just take a picture of a plate with a half eaten sandwich. Where's that at? We don't do that no more.

[B]

That was good. Put a filter on.

[A]

We don't do that. We don't take pictures of the sky. We don't care about nature. It's about what we are talking about, who we're talking about. Gossip bits, flexing, traveling. It's like, can we get down to the basics?

[B]

I'm taking pictures of the sky. I'm with you. I'm looking at the sunset.

[A]

You do actually. I actually love when you do your dumps because it shows that you are a person.

[B]

I'm a person. I'm doing stuff.

[A]

Everything doesn't have to be right with you. No, I'm going to be a little off centered.

[B]

I'm doing. I'm me. I'm. I'm. I'm revolutionizing grid in my space. The Instagram grid. I'm taking. I took everything down.

[A]

I saw that.

[B]

I'm keeping a couple posts up at a time.

[A]

Wait, hold up. Caleb, I just want you to know and industry knows when people start archiving stuff. What you book?

[B]

No.

[A]

What. What did you book? That's that you have to cleanse.

[B]

It's so funny.

[A]

Gone.

[B]

Why you say that? People keep saying, they go, what's coming? I go, nothing. Nothing is coming. I'm not prepared.

[A]

Disney is what's coming. When you have one post, Disney is on your back.

[B]

Disney, they win.

[A]

NBC.

[B]

No, I've got nothing coming. I'm just. I don't. I don't like. I don't. I was looking at my Instagram feed. Really the reason for the grid cleanse specifically is I was like, I'm looking at my grid and you can go back. I have grid posts from when I was like 18. Like, you can go back so far in my life and look at all these different people that I was. And in a way, I think that can be beautiful for the fans. But I was like, I don't want you to go back and look at that. I'm focused on what I got going on now. I don't want to think. And I don't have anything bad on there.

[A]

No.

[B]

I just am like, I'm. I'm like, I'm me now. I'm doing my thing now. Where I like to have fun is the stories. The stories are what I'm doing right now. Stories are my music. Stories are my what I'm having fun with.

[A]

You will always hit us with like a colorful background in the. In the font.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I say, Caleb, you're a true artist.

[B]

I'm a Create mode.

[A]

When you're just. When it's just about the words.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's when I know you're in your back.

[B]

I'm a Create Mode king.

[A]

Yeah, I'm in the create mode.

[B]

I am. I'll click through those backgrounds and type out a message. I'm a Create Mode king on the.

[A]

Instastories while people are in their notes app writing apologies for being a racist. You are actually using stories to be racist.

[B]

I'm using Create Mode to do racism. Yes. Yes.

[A]

Tell them. Tell them. Tell the kids.

[B]

No, I love your instagram stories. Because specifically when you do the like. Because some people might not know about you. My fans might not know you were. You were. Did bottle service at a club for a long time. And your stories are unreal.

[A]

They are very real.

[B]

What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you doing bottle service?

[A]

The crazy. The craziest thing is a guy came in and he was by himself, and he started buying like, like magnums of champagne by himself.

[B]

Now, what's. How expensive are those?

[A]

It was like crystal. So it was like 30 $500, $4,000. Like, and they're big bottles. So it's him. So I'm drinking with him, and I could drink. And then some of the girls are drinking with him. They could drink. And we're drinking and drinking, and then he's. He gets orders, another one. And we're like, okay, that, like, there's a moment where you're like, oh, we about to make money. And then it's like, oh, we about to have a problem because you're by yourself. And as much as we would love to hustle a straight white man, this feels like it's going to fall back on us. But he assured us he's having a good time. He's good. He's drinking, drinking, drinking. He's obviously out of his mind. He's blackout at the end of the night, and he has to sign off. And the bill, the bill is already crazy. It's like, you know, over 10,000 or something dollars. And so he looks at the thing and he's squinting, and then he writes, $10,000 for the tip. And I let him know. I was like, there's an over tip that, like, you don't have to do this. Like, and I don't. Why would I. Why would I, as a woman working, say, no, no, no, I don't need this.

[B]

I love $10,000. It's one of my favorite things.

[A]

Please give me the $10,000.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, you know yet? No, no. And then we had to get. We have to get people to verify. So we got the manager, we got the doorman, we got the bathroom attendant. Everybody is verifying that this man knows that he's spending $10,000 extra on top. On top of the top. Like, crazy night. Crazy night. People were sweating. They were like, sydney, this is wild. Like, I mean, we hope this plays out. So everybody signs, everybody's happy, and then we're pull the tip. So I'm getting the busers, the. The bar back. Everybody is getting paid out Right. So I got to go to Miami the next day. I have so much cash on me. What we doing? We on a boat. We at Nobu.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We get yellowtail, you know, jalapeno sashimi.

[B]

Where else would we be?

[A]

Yeah. I'm spending my money that I made the night before because I was like, this is a blessing. God wouldn't give me something that I don't deserve. And so I'm splurging in Miami. I'm doing party favors, all this stuff. This is a three day bender. Third day manager calls me, hey, Cindy, we gotta talk. Oh, sir. You can hear this air? Yeah.

[B]

You can hear the sounds of Miami.

[A]

You can hear this David Guetta. That's what you can hear. You can't hear me? I can't hear you. And then I was like, it's time to hang up. But he's like, no, no, no. For real. So the guy who came in, who. What he actually is disputing to $10,000.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I said, eric Kevin James, stop. Like you. We verified.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He said, well, you know, it's American Express. I just want to put it out there. American Express users, they got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if they call them up and be like, nope, American Express says, okay, no problems.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

So I had to come back the bus. I felt bad for the busers because the busers is not making the same money. But they had to give the money. But we all had to give the money back.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

We had to give back. And that's when I was like, you know what? Maybe this job isn't for me.

[B]

Do you have that guy's name?

[A]

No. I should remember who this guy. But there's so many moments where people come in and they say, yes. And then they're like, jk, I had an ex that had a business card that would buy bottles, and then he would call and be like, actually, that was not me.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah, there's. I mean, people are wild, People are great, People are insane. But also, the nightclub is a scam. America. So everybody is just.

[B]

America is a scam.

[A]

Everybody over. So that. You got to take that L. You take that L. There's another time where I had these. All these suits come in. They're buying rose champagne. This during the day. This is like early time. They're there for about four hours. I am so excited because I was like, oh, this is like, I could go home. I could go home at 11. They closed. They. I thought that they closed out. I gave them. There's like a. Because I worked at a hotel, too. So there's a hotel close out, and then there's a credit card close out. I thought I swiped their card. I did not. So it was about 14 suits. They were not from here. They were not from the hotel. They left, and I didn't. I didn't realize that they were gone, that they didn't sign until maybe an hour after. And so I ran out, and I asked one of the bellman, I said, hey, did you see, like, 14 suits run out of here? They were like, well, they didn't run. They went in the van. And so the bellman ended up finding out the driver who drove them to whatever hotel. It took about two weeks, but my manager was like, you have to pay back $5,000. You have to pay if you don't find them. And then in two weeks, the driver found the people, and I almost had sex with him. I almost had the driver because I.

[B]

Said, it's very serious to me.

[A]

I said, did you really finally said, how did you do it?

[B]

Yeah, he found.

[A]

He found. And they weren't even from there. From Spain. So he did really good work. Old Russian dude. Old Russian dude. And I tried to give him money. He said, I don't want it. I said, you know what? You don't want this. Pumkosh.

[B]

Bring back.

[A]

You don't want no money. You don't want a boom cost.

[B]

You don't want the Russian nesting, though. You bring back men. Yeah, that's a man. That's a man.

[A]

Really, really nice guy.

[B]

Bring back men. I've been saying this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bring back men.

[A]

Bring back man.

[B]

I'm tired. Bring back. What happened to men?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

We used to have men that really.

[A]

Just was like, they don't need anything. They don't want anything. They were just doing good work.

[B]

Good men.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I think that's when I was straight. I think after when I left. When I left and did. Went to where I needed to be, I think everybody else was like, well, Sydney is no longer here. We must. We must turn it up. Turn it out.

[B]

Yeah, Turn up and turn it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And disappear.

[B]

And disappear. Yeah, absolutely. What other. What other jobs did you have? Because you did that for a while. Wild. Didn't you, though?

[A]

You know what? As a. As a black woman, there's. We've been working all our lives. I will say I got out the womb, and I was filling out W2 for.

[B]

You had a calculator.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

One of the old timey ones in A movie where. Where it rolls out like that.

[A]

That is not that.

[B]

That is not the joke is that it's funnier. Well, I am, but that's not what's happening right now.

[A]

Right. Yeah, I've. I've had more like, like hostessing. Coat check. I did coat check when there was really no coats. They put me in a box during April, May. Yeah, it was just like windbreakers and scarves and whatnot. And I was like, they see potential in me. They were like, we actually cannot hire you for a host yet because we. We're trying to kick this bitch out.

[B]

Yeah. So they gotta get her out of here.

[A]

Yeah, they were rotating me in, but they were like, we got to get you in. And as soon as we're done with her, we're going to slide you right to the. To the hostess. And that was cute. That worked out for me.

[B]

I see any. If you were ever my hostess or my co Check person, I would be like, I need to get her out of here. We need to go have some fun.

[A]

Oh, they said it every time. I said, now. They said, now. What are you doing in this box? And I said, oh, America least of all do.

[B]

I know.

[A]

We have a problem. Yeah, we have a problem.

[B]

Get me out. Yeah, get me on the stage.

[A]

What can. What can you do? I was just looking for somebody. I was a damsel in a box.

[B]

Yeah. How did you start doing comedy?

[A]

What? How did I start doing comedy? Oh, okay. So I was working at this place called Rose Bar and I would have to do our. All of our cash out in the back rooms. And so a friend of mine, Marge. Love her shout out Marge, she would film me after my shift and she would just film me, like, talking, doing bits, being online, like, having commentary. And she did like this. She did like a little, like, reel for me and she was like, look at this. You're so funny. I was like, I'm up. Yeah, I'm wasted. Yeah, I am everything except what you want me to be. And she's like, no, no, I think you're really good. I think you should take a class. And I took a class. It was 450. I want my money back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What class was it like? It's like a stand up class or stand up class.

[A]

And, you know, I won't, you know, shout out to the teacher who was, who was there. Yeah, there was a teacher's presence there. I don't know if they was teaching comedy, but I was in there and we had a graduation show. I brought my meanest friends. 10 mean friends. They came, they said, this was awful. Do not ever invite us to anything like this. But you. I see something. You should, you should still you keep going. Just don't invite us to anything like this. Yeah, it was crazy. My friends were. I've never like. People scoff and be like, oh, how could you say such unfunny things?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, this is a graduation show. They were like, they gotta go work somewhere.

[B]

They have not graduated. Yeah, they have not graduated. Get back to the course.

[A]

I couldn't imagine going to somebody's graduation and booing them. That's wild. But that's the type of friends I had. Shout out to them.

[B]

Stand out. A. Stand up. Stand out. Stand up is one of the only things in comedy that you really can't learn outside of just doing it. Like, you can learn improv. You can learn how to write a script. You can learn how, like, there are principles that you can learn about things. Stand up. Classes always strike me as funny because I'm like, go do a show.

[A]

Yeah. But sometimes it's structure, you know, Sometimes like. Like how a joke is made. I think that's important. But obviously funny is. Is born.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like internal. You can't teach someone how to. How to be. They just have to have it. So.

[B]

And you've always been funny.

[A]

Funny things have happened to me. I've literally been funny. An odd little chica. I. I like, grew up with old people, so I. Their personality rub off on me. And so I'm going to school being this, like, young girl, but people ask me, like, how are you doing? I'm like, oh, when the good Lord take me. And they're like.

[B]

She'S 6 years old.

[A]

You're fine. Just say you're good. What is all of this? Scripture talking?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that. That was hilarious. People were like, you, you are like an old soul. You're like, rosa Parks is like, I don't want to sit in the back of the bus. I just want friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah. Crazy things have always happened to me as a kid. I don't think I got funny until college. College. I really, like, came out of my shell and I was like, I'm about to get these bitches. Hell, yeah. In these dorms, people could not go to class because I would be in a room, just run in my mouth, and they're like, this is so much better than tv.

[B]

Yeah. And it is. I agree. I love that.

[A]

Yeah. And so I think that. And then being in nightclubs or whatever. You. You have to be somewhat comical to deal with these people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to make light of people with money. It's crazy. It's, like, insane to see someone swipe their card for $15,000 of liquids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No food.

[B]

Things that you drink.

[A]

Just. Just liquids.

[B]

That's nuts.

[A]

And that. We're not even talking about the drugs. Like, I. If this is what you spend on.

[B]

Liquids, sir, who knows what's going up that nose?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, pristine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Top shot.

[B]

Good shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, so you. Okay. So you are doing the bottle girl stuff. Is that the official term? So we call your hostessing. What are we calling? Well, because, you know, I don't go to clubs.

[A]

No.

[B]

So I don't know what we're calling for.

[A]

Why don't you?

[B]

Sydney, you know I would not do well in a club.

[A]

How come?

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

You would come in, they would be like, who? They would already know he's somebody. Hey, he is someone.

[B]

I come in there wearing a Carhartt T shirt, they're not gonna think I'm somebody.

[A]

No, they. No, I just want people to know. Everyone who's doing too much, like, showing to it. Those are the people who ain't got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The people who come in with, like, a thin T shirt, maybe like, a little stain on the shoulder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They the big boss.

[B]

Yeah, Those are the people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's interesting. I bet you do learn a lot about wealth and, like, the presentation of wealth in a job like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, who's trying too hard to look like they've got it going on? That's a red flag in every. I've always said. When I first started comedy, I would say, Chance and I would talk all the time about. I would say, if you're killing it, you don't need to convince people you're killing it. And that's the truth.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Anything?

[A]

Hold on. Now. Yeah, now we really don't get into it.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

But people are followers, and people are sheep. So you. Sometimes you do have to put on so that people can think and follow you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because nobody wants this. Oh, relatable. That's out. We stop.

[B]

You think relatability is out?

[A]

We have. There has to be hierarchy. Like, that's why celebrities were celebrities. Because we're like, I will never be next to Nicole Kidman at the Starbucks. It's just not happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now everyone is like, I'm just like, you.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Why would you do all of the things that you do to be next to the bitch who's in flip flops in the rain. Why would you do that? That's dumb. So it's like, I think that, you know, people are putting on. Because people don't know. People who are not in the industry have no clue of, like, you know, what people are really doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you could post anything. You can say anything. And people like. I guess it's true.

[B]

I think the operative part of that is have to. If you're killing it, you don't have to convince people that you're killing it. You can. If you're killing it, you can act like you're killing it. You can. You can tell people how great you're doing. That is an option. But you don't have to. If you're really killing it, you don't have to tell people that. They will know. There are other ways to let people know, which is a lot of times just doing what you're doing. Just relax, chill out.

[A]

Well, sometimes you have to tell yourself that you're killing it.

[B]

Sometimes that is true.

[A]

People are talking, and it's not to the audience, it's to themselves.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when they're like, you know, haters, baby, ain't nobody hating. It's you hating. You are talking to yourself.

[B]

You're dealing with that on the inside.

[A]

Exactly. So when you see people doing these rants about, you know, you, you. Yeah, y'all haters, y'all love me. So I see me when I get to the top. It's like, when you see yourself at the top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then there'll be no haters.

[B]

Well, that's when you imagine that you love yourself, but the real trick is that you won't. Whoo.

[A]

Now, that is upsetting.

[B]

I mean, that is.

[A]

That is.

[B]

You don't love yourself now. You're not going to love yourself when you have whatever it is you imagine is going to fix you. Don't you feel.

[A]

No. What is this loving yourself? When people say it, I think it's. It's a throwaway. Now, you love yourself.

[B]

You don't love Sydney.

[A]

Love yourself.

[B]

Tell me, what do you feel about you?

[A]

I know I love. I love some stuff of me, but there's other things that I'm like, okay, girl, like, clean it up. Yeah, wrap it up. Clean it up. Let's go.

[B]

But that is an act of loving yourself. Don't you think loving yourself also. I don't think loving yourself means accepting in every part of yourself and feeling that every part of yourself is wonderful. I think that's what you're. That is the thing that we've got to get rid of. Loving yourself does not mean you're perfect and you need to make no changes to me. Sometimes loving myself means being like, you got to stop that. You have to like you. You know, if I love, and I do love myself, and so I will see myself behaving away sometimes, you know, being petty or whatever. Give me an example of me needing to change something.

[A]

Being petty, being petty.

[B]

I don't know about. Well, I think like maybe romantic. I think in romantic situations I've thought of it a lot lately. Like I'll be, I'll be discounting someone for something so irrelevant, you know, Or I'll be, I'll be, I'll be not giving someone the time of day because they, you know, like truly little stuff where they like pronounced a word wrong and I have the ick, you know, and I'm like, you need to stop. If you love yourself, you need to quit behaving like that because that's not. I think loving yourself means like I will make changes to make myself better. I love myself enough to be a better version of myself. I love myself too much to be leaving so much on the table. You know what I mean?

[A]

Don't you think if you had a cult, baby, I think we, I think you have beginnings.

[B]

Would you get into my cult?

[A]

Right there.

[B]

Would you get into my cult?

[A]

The strength that I have to do anything is, is, is so little. So your cult has to have everything like laid out. You literally, you have, There has to be Uber involved.

[B]

One bedroom apartment, no brown cabinet.

[A]

You have to be able to be. No, you have to Uber me from where I am to the, to the cult grounds. Yeah, like I'm not walking. I'm not taking the train.

[B]

You're not taking the G to my.

[A]

Like you have to come physically get, get me out. I like, I need somebody to escort.

[B]

Me there, I think to get, to get a high profile, a high roller like you in the cold. I think we would do that. We'd let, we'd let some of the weaker minded folks take the train and we'd get you in a car. You don't want those people.

[A]

You don't want those people in your cult.

[B]

Well, you do. You need, you need footmen. No, someone, someone's got to sweep up after the meeting. And I know Sydney's not going to be doing it and I know damn sure Caleb's not going to be doing it. So we need some underlings.

[A]

The thing about these cult leaders, right? If you about that Life. Like, why are you getting your people to do that? Remedial work? Like, hire people. Hire people to do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why would you want your people who are supposed to be following the word sweeping and picking up stuff that's.

[B]

Well, that's how they prove dedication to the mission.

[A]

Oh, see, I don't know about that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about that. Dedication to the mission.

[B]

They got to be dedicated to the vision. That's how they prove that they're. This is like third, because these people are sociopaths. They need to know how many ways they can take advantage of you if you're willing to stick around and sweep up the fucking meeting hall. It's like that. I've got that one dead to rights.

[A]

Whenever I see that, that I immediate ick, I'm like, you would do.

[B]

You would do that. You would debase yourself by cleaning up after me?

[A]

I don't want it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I need somebody to be like you. You Wait, am I sub? I need somebody to tell me. I don't want somebody to do it for me. I need somebody.

[B]

Hold on. Am I submissive? Wait a minute.

[A]

I'm like, do I want a mummy?

[B]

Do you? What do you like? What are you into? Come on, tell the people.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

On the record, seeming a little subby. It's even a little sub. There may be a little submitting going on.

[A]

I think so. I think because I like very Christian, like, militant home, I need to be told what to do. And I need somebody to wake me up at 4am and be like, clean that up right now. You want to sleep, you need to.

[B]

Be in the army.

[A]

Pretty much. Pretty much sexual.

[B]

Sexual army.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, I need somebody to let me know, lead me. I, I, I'm one of those people that I can, I can go with the flow. I can, I can take directions. I'm not gonna do it right, but I'm, I'm gonna listen and I'm gonna pretend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that hot? Did you get hard?

[B]

Oh, I'm rock hard. Some rock hard.

[A]

I feel like it just went really limp. And so, no, I'm like, what else, what else can I say to get it jumping, you know, get things moving.

[B]

Caleb, I don't like, like lifestyle submission, like when people are submissive in their whole life or dominant when it, when it extends outside the bedroom. To me, power plays for the bedroom after that. When people are like, we can play with power in the bedroom. We can mess around with who's Telling who what to do. That's fun and fine. And I'll go, I'll go along on this or that. But when people extend it, this is my problem with a lot of Christians is they extend outside of the household. Now it's. I'm telling you what to do with the grocery store. Hold on.

[A]

Yeah, okay, hold on. Now I'm with that.

[B]

Yeah. I don't. The bedroom is one thing. It's all fun and games. We're trying to get off. But then once the come has been procured, once the come has come, the seats, once the comments came, slid off, become the cure.

[A]

That's hot. Yeah. But you know what? Some people need to be told what to do outside of the bedroom. There's a lot of like aimless, loose humans. Just they don't know.

[B]

They're just loose in the world.

[A]

Yeah. Like I literally. My phone was not working one day. Like I walked out, I was going to the bellhouse. Phone does not work. It would not turn on. And I had to get to the bell house. Don't have no address. I can't even tell you what like location, what landmarks. It. It's by. And I'm trying to ask people, hey, can you help me get to the bell house? There's men like, oh, I know where the bell's at. And it's like, yeah, there's like gays in tote bags. They're like, okay, I'll take you. Like, it was, it was a journey. It was a journey. And then, then obviously I'm telling people my phone don't work. And either men think that I'm trying to rob them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or there's men that are like, well, why don't you just turn it on? Turn it off. I was like, you don't think I've tried that?

[B]

Yeah. I'm not an idiot. I'm a person with a broken phone.

[A]

Yeah. But that moment, just not knowing how to get to the bell house, even though I've been there for so many years, that let me know. I'm like, I know nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't. I can't do it by memory. I need some. I need directions. I need my phone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I need somebody guiding me. Embarrassing.

[B]

So maybe it's, you know, you don't need a dom. You need a cell phone. Oh, we were. The phones are a lot. I will. Cuz I've done a couple. I've been, you know, I've been leaving my phone at home for like full days recently.

[A]

What I don't know about this.

[B]

I've been going out in the world without my phone for like a year and a half now.

[A]

Who are you running from?

[B]

Not all the time myself.

[A]

Okay, I am.

[B]

I'm tired of hearing from this guy. No, I have been. And I did it in New York recently. Like a couple, maybe like a month or two ago.

[A]

Are you shooting something? Is this like a. Is this.

[B]

I do love.

[A]

I do love the phone with Caleb.

[B]

You think. All you think anything I'm doing is like some big chess move about my career. There's no strategy going on. I'm not working.

[A]

Meticulous. You're so strategic.

[B]

I'm only trying to be happy. Sid. There's no work going on over here.

[A]

That's. I do not understand. Please, someone explain. I just want to be happy.

[B]

I do. Don't you feel. Do you know? Are you happy? Why are you happy?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Are you happy?

[A]

I am happy that I'm out of la. Yes, yes. Happy. I will. I'm going to take. We go and just pivot just a bit and then we gonna get back in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I honestly am too self aware and I need to get away from that because that's what's making me unhappy. It's the knowing, it's the feeling, it's the waking up and being like, yo, I thought this was about to make everything better. And it's just like, this is there. It's not making. It's not doing anything for me. But like five years ago I was like, oh, this is what's gonna really pop it off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So being self aware and realizing that it's like you could do all the things that you're like, oh, this is about to make something happen. You're like, oh, actually I'm just existing. Which is fine. Blessed. Thank you.

[B]

Existing is a blessing.

[A]

Yeah. But I don't know, there was that sense of like, not knowing. And that was fun and gives you a reason to be like, oh, I'm so excited now. I'm like, actually, if I do this, I kind of feel like I already know what's about to happen, which sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude. I think that's so relatable. Like, I really. I think so many people listening are going to be like, we get a lot of. Anytime we get a little bit serious on the pod, the comments are overwhelmingly positive. People are like, thank you for talking about this. People like it. People like it. I will say I get a couple comments sometimes when we aren't being funny, that people. People are like, can we just be funny and I'm like, no, go watch another show, okay? Go watch another podcast.

[A]

Not them Yelping the pie.

[B]

They do.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

They do. And I see some of it and I go, and. Or they'll say. They'll say all kinds of things. They'll go, oh, have on. Have on more. Like someone's recently was like, we need more well known guests. About one. They said this about one of my guests. And I said, every podcast in the world will have a famous person on and not talk about like, I'm like, shut up. This is my show.

[A]

Let me just be quite honest with everybody in the room. A well known person. They not giving you what you want.

[B]

Anything.

[A]

They are. They are contractually obligated to shut the fuck up. You need somebody who's like, hey, I don't. I don't give a damn. Yes, that's who you want. To the person who's like, I have nothing to live for. They are going to give you three hours of uncut.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Entertainment there.

[B]

If you have ever talked to a like, very, like an A list famous person. It is like, it is like this. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Oh, my gosh. Well, hey, so good to see. It's like, show. Shut the up. Like, most of them are so boring. And shout out. Some of y'all are my friends and I love you. But like, some, because some of them are boring.

[A]

They're not boring. They just. They just know that they. They're like, if I say this, this is not some. Oh, it's gonna be in a Reddit. It's gonna be actually on People magazine.

[B]

It's boundaries. Because it's gonna be everywhere.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

It's gonna be a news cycle.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But it's boring. And I'm like, I don't want to talk. I mean, I have. There was a famous person I interacted with recently who I love, who's a lovely person and they're very, very famous and which only say.

[A]

He's not gonna say anything.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

But what shoes were they wearing?

[B]

I'll tell you later who it is.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

But they're a very nice person and I like them a lot. And they're like that level of famous where it's like, there's only like a couple, you know, maybe 100 people in the world who have ever experienced what you're experiencing. And I just. The. There was just nothing. But I'm talking to them and it's just like, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well, hey, it isn't that lovely. Haha. And it's.

[A]

I need that, I want that, I want that. I want to clock in and then clock the fuck out when you. That's the, that's the difference between actors. And then people like what we do that blend the, blend the line or whatever of like entertainment. It's like if you don't like their acting, you don't like their acting. Yeah, but there's somebody else outside of that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you don't like, you know, our stand up or what we're saying, that's actually us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't like me.

[B]

That's me for real.

[A]

So that's, that's kind of, that's kind of fucked, you know. And so when actors are able to clock in and you're like, I'm just that character in that movie that you were like, that's pretty good. It's, it's easy. It's easy because you're like, this is just art.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm about to get in my car and all these people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But us, we are, there is no clock in clock. We're on, we're on. We're being ourselves. So when you Yelp a pod about something not being funny. Hey, sorry for. I'm just living, just being. Well, I want to know what the you talking about? What can you get on the pod and talk?

[B]

Well, no, they don't have, they don't have a. That's. I, I truly I'm. I. People can say whatever they want. I do, I do just get a feeling of like, go watch another show. I don't need you to. If that's how you feel, go do something else, brother.

[A]

I hate when people get on people's pages or like writes in the comments and it's like a dissertation. It's like, so you have nothing to do. Yeah, I'm, I'm over here. It's putting my art out. I'm taking risks. And you just writing this, you're critiquing everything and you're in the stands and you go do it. Yeah. You get on your page and have your opinion and have people come to you. But like I literally see stuff that makes me infuriated and I put my phone down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll be damned if I type some shit out and then press send to someone. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That unless I'm bigging them up or like being like te lol. Like, what is my, what is my purpose? That's wild.

[B]

You know, and that's why you're one of the Realest people alive.

[A]

No, I need to be unheard of.

[B]

You're one of the realest people alive.

[A]

I need to write some shit. I think if I really got in, they asked in the comments, people will respect me more. I'm too nice. I'm like, I really just want to be positive and be like, this is so funny. Or I, like, I'm a fan. I enjoy this when, like, when you post yourself, I, like, really watch on Tick Tock. I'm like, oh, this was good. This is great. Like, Devin Jaboukie, everybody. Get everybody. You be having. I'm like, wow, this is a pot. This is actually. This is what it should be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I said, now it sounds like I'm just kissing ass, but I'm friends. Yeah. No, I. Oh, well.

[B]

Well, unless you're revoking. Unless you're revoking my friendship, you don't.

[A]

Know what I'm posting in the. In the Reddit threads about you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You're in there on a secret profile posting. He needs to have some bigger guests.

[A]

No, I'm like, caleb comes from money. He's a Nepo baby.

[B]

Wish I would be the most unabashed Nepo baby. If I was a Nepo baby, I'll never hear the end of it. I'd be like, yeah, my dad's famous. What the else next? I don't care. I'd be like, what are you talking about? I grew up rich. If I grew up rich, I'd be like, I grew up rich. It was amazing. I'm so sorry. You're poor. That sounds hard. Now I have a career.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

My dad invented ABC or whatever. And, yeah, now I have an awesome career. Whoops. I think that would be an amazing response. It's way cooler than what these people are doing now, where they're like, actually, I kind of worked hard at it. You know, it's like, you didn't have a hard time at usc. Let's relax.

[A]

Now, the thing is, is that if you're a Nepo baby and then you want to get on stage, something is not clicking. Because if I'm making so much money, why would I be on the stage with the peasants? Like, I want. I'm gonna be in the jet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is being on stage and being next to fans. I think there's that. Is that accessibility. But if you're, like, really, really rich or Nepo, what a billionaire. You're so far away from the regular degulars, you know what I'm saying? Like, being on the stage, you're with the people. You can. You're taking in the poverty dust.

[B]

But when you want though, they want to feel regular. They want to feel regular so bad. Don't you see Jeff Bezos in a fucking cowboy hat and go, God, he wishes he was making 80k a year in Texas. He really does. He really. He doesn't want to give up lifestyle, but he wants to feel like he's somebody and he's not. He's like a non. He's like Persona non graphic. He's like a non entity.

[A]

I don't feel that way about Jeff. But Elon, Elon, he's got. He's got to get on some ketamine or something.

[B]

That's why.

[A]

Chill out, bro.

[B]

That's why all those guys now are doing this right wing populist shtick where they're like, I actually care about the working man, bitch. 200,000 working men work for you and they don't have health insurance and they pee in water bottles. You don't give a about working people. But you want to feel. You want those people on your side because they make you feel real and you're not real.

[A]

You don't want those people on your side.

[B]

They do, though. That's what they're doing. That's why Elon's doing the Trump thing now. That's why Trump is doing Trump. They want to feel Trump is doing Trump. Trump started doing Trump because, you know, before Trump was like a pro choice Democrat and he was like, if I ever ran for office, it'd be as a Republican because they're fucking idiots. And then he came down the escalator and was like, I hate Mexican people. And he ran as a Republican and he won, you know, and he might win again. And it's because he's right. A lot of people are saying he might.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. They eat him up. It's like now we're just realizing, we're like, oh, this is too stupid. This is actually to the point where my eyes are bleeding, watching my ears hurt. Like, I can't. I cannot see this no more.

[B]

If he wins, it will not. He will lose the popular vote for sure. There's no chance he doesn't lose the popular vote. And if he wins, it will be because the electoral college was set up to keep freed slaves from voting. And it. The racist ass Electoral college is the reason that so many people have won office that shouldn't have.

[A]

It's very.

[B]

The country doesn't. The most of the country, first of all, A lot of country doesn't vote at all. But most of the country does not like that guy. He didn't get elected. He lost the popular vote. Do you know how crazy it is that he was president and he lost by millions of votes?

[A]

Millions.

[B]

That's crazy. But it's because this racist ass system where he just spent more time in Wisconsin, that's crazy. The election comes down to like 40,000 people in Pennsylvania.

[A]

And you're like. Then also you're just like, everything that he says, you kind of have to be like, this is a bid.

[B]

There's no.

[A]

You're not serious at all. But somehow he was president. And that's why it's like whenever we're kind of like, America is. I'm like, nah, baby, there's no way that you're looking at history and Trump as president. No, ma'am.

[B]

I've started to, you know, I've started to get really scared by some of the blatant line because he's ramping it up. Like he literally, lately, many, many times on the campaign tour recently, he's been like, imagine you send your kids to school and they come home with a new gender and you didn't even get a call about it. And it's like, that isn't happening. It's. First of all, of course it's hilarious. But that isn't happening at all ever. Not once. And his base is like, this is happening every day. They really think it's happening.

[A]

I'm a thorough, I'm a throw real crazy hang out, but I wish you would. He is making it a little interesting because when people are just putting out the facts and they're just running and being solid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like, okay, yeah, no, no, I'm listening. But him, you, you're like, what this fool about to say. Like, you just, you're, you're, you're. It's tv, it's entertainment.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

But it's sad. It's sad. It's scary.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But when you see two people, two politicians who are, are lying in a productive way, you're like, I don't know. I don't know if I can get. I might change the channel.

[B]

It's why people vote is we're staying in.

[A]

They like, we're watching, we're.

[B]

It really reminds me of.

[A]

They're eating the dogs.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

That is a viral sound on TikTok.

[B]

And they're counting on it.

[A]

And they're remix. They're putting a beat underneath it. This is so unserious. The level of unseriousness is.

[B]

It's like. It's like when you're on the train on your commute and you're, like, going to the office and everything is so humdrum, and I'm already bored on the.

[A]

Train going to office. I can.

[B]

And that. You're on the office and you're so. You're like, oh, my God, I fucking hate this. I'm so bored out of my mind. This. Whatever I'm listening to isn't even doing it. I could pull out the book I brought, but I don't even want to read that. You're so. It's just. Everything's feeling monotonous. You haven't taken a sick day in two months just to do, like, stay on the couch. You're really, like, in it, you know? And then like a fucking psychopath gets on the train, starts beating their head against the window or something, and you're like, that's crazy. But I did see something today.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, that's Donald Trump. It's like it broke up my commute.

[A]

That's what it is. Yeah, you're. And I'm glad that we got somewhere positive, because at first it was like, damn, I can't believe I said that out loud. But you actually materialized it so that people will not yelp underneath.

[B]

No, he's objectively interesting. Yeah. Anybody being anybody with no inhibition who will objectively lie and not worry about getting fact checked is a. Is a break in the skip regularly scheduled programming.

[A]

No, but he knows that they're gonna fact check. It's the thing is, like, he's actually want people to do work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's actually saying stuff that you're like, wait, the Siri. What the. Like, he's actually making people do more research than they would normally.

[B]

Yeah, I think you actually turned Siri on right there.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Let's see what she says. See ya. See ya, honey. No, I mean, yeah, he's objectively. He's objectively interesting. But anyway, enough about him. Yeah. You know, creatively, I've been in a kind of a rut. I can't, like, I'm like, trying to figure out. And it's all kind of. I think it's a little bit of the election year of it all, but it's been a little bit longer than that. But it's like, yeah, I'm trying to figure out, like, I don't know. I'm happy. I like my life. I genuinely am quite happy. I like my days. I like the way that my days are going.

[A]

What I see from what I see when I talk, I feel the happiness.

[B]

I am happy. I would say I'm at peace. I really have done a lot of work to be like, what do I actually care about? What are my genuine values? Because, you know, there's this competition, I think, a lot of times, at least in my life, maybe not for everyone else. I hope it would feel nice to not be the only one. But I think there's this competition between, like, doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing or what people would like to see me do versus what I actually value. Like, you know, sometimes I just need to, like, go home and do nothing and be with my family. And even though that feels a little like, cornball or silly or something, it's like, no, that's what I actually want.

[A]

But, yeah, that's so real. But I'm. My shit is so dark. I'll be doing, you know, what I think is my passion, and I'm like, yo, what would it be like at the dmv? Like, I think they really need me over here. I really. You go to a place that you're like, this is so miserable. Like, the Social Security office, the post office. I'm like, they need a star like me to shift the energy. So when things are not going my way in comedy, I'm like, yo, my real calling gonna be at one of them places. Yeah, they definitely. They definitely want animi.

[B]

You know what? I. There was a. There was a time, especially in my early 20s, where I felt like the world. I was like. I was like, the world needs you to do comedy. You know, I did feel that way. I felt like, the world needs you to do comedy. You're good at it. Why not? And I disabused myself of that. I'm like, the world actually just needs you to be happy, and whatever that means is what you need to be doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To do anything.

[A]

I learned that in a pandemic. Yeah, I learned that in pandemic because we were just trying to do. Even though there was, like, not much to do. And it was like, find a hobby, get a trade. Like, write. Get your. Get your penmanship up. Like, there's so many other things to do rather than I got to create this content. I got to put stuff out. I got to have a point of view. It's like, what about chilling? Chilling is. I think chilling is the new thing that we actually need to uplift. Chilling actually has been talked about so poorly. It's like, oh, you're chilling. You're not doing anything. You fucking, you're, you're, you wasting time. You're not grinding, grinding like you're just, you're just being ill. Like how you're a waste of space. Actually, people who chill a lot, you call them less because you're like, well, you're just chilling. But I think you actually need to talk to chill people more because then you can take in that energy and you're like, actually, why am I stressing myself out?

[B]

This is nice.

[A]

I met a couple of chill people and they're not smoking weed. And I said, oh, I need it.

[B]

I need to be.

[A]

I need actually want them to do. Those are the people who need to do seminars.

[B]

I like it. I love it. I want some more.

[A]

I would sell their. I would buy their ebooks.

[B]

I would buy it. I would check it out. Yeah, chill and also chill out more. And also let us miss you. I'm big on this recently. Let us miss you. Let us miss you.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Relax.

[A]

What is that missing situation? What is that?

[B]

Stop going to everything. Stop being all the time available and present. I put my. Let me tell you something. A year and a half ago, I put my phone on do not disturb and it hasn't come off. And people are hating it. And I'm so peace. I'm at peace.

[A]

We do. You do do that.

[B]

You cannot get a hold of me.

[A]

Do the dnd.

[B]

Dnd, baby.

[A]

Imma have to just. I'm. I'm say this. You D and D bitches. I love. I love that you're putting a boundary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, silence.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll get to you. Yeah, but it's like you D and D hoes love not writing back. But then I see you going live. Not you haven't seen, but the people, not you. Yeah, but they're going live. They're responding to comments, they're posting, posting, posting reels. Reels. All this other stuff. Unless you have somebody, a social media person doing that. I see you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you can't respond to an actual person you know, but you're talking to some person who's on a toilet taking a number. 5.

[B]

D&D is not for no response. I respond, okay. D and D is that you can't have me in the moment that you want me unless it's actually important. You call three times, it'll go through. But I'm.

[A]

If you call me three times, it'll go through. I better hear such and such is dead.

[B]

But that's the only reason one Other reason. Do you really need to talk to her?

[A]

I got a deal for you.

[B]

Yeah. That is what it is. The only people call me three times are my family who need me or my manager being like, hey, we're trying to get a hold of you. We need to talk about something.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Other than that, no one really needs to talk to you that bad.

[A]

Damn. Okay. Put that out there. The need there is it. We're on a need to know basis right now. Is that we're moving forward in the fall.

[B]

Yes. Need to know fall to.

[A]

No fall.

[B]

If you're not kissed in, there's a reason. I'll kiss you in on the D. On the. In the intel. I'll brief you, I guess I get.

[A]

But I mean, the thing is, it's so hard to let up when we do know that people's phones are in their hands constantly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you. It's hard to not take it personal. MySpace had that top 10. I need to know that I'm in your top 10. That even when the D and D and all this other shit you claim you're doing, I need to know that you're gonna hit me up immediately. And you do.

[B]

I do.

[A]

You do.

[B]

You know. Yeah.

[A]

But it's some of these DND folks that really be burning my edges because it's like, I know you not doing shit like, write back. Yeah, this is actually. I need. You don't want to do the email. Fine. Because I feel like email is so professional and stern and cold. But if I'm texting you lowercase. This is important.

[B]

If I say, hey, what's up? Lowercase.

[A]

Lowercase. No, I might be on a ledge.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I need you to talk me down.

[B]

Yeah. And don't text me lowercase. If you're on the ledge. You better. You better throw some capitals in there if you're about to jump. Throw capital in there.

[A]

I don't have it in me to capitalize. I don't have the strength.

[B]

Well, then you don't have the strength to jump. Oh, you have to figure it out. You have to figure it out. Call me. Call me three times. It'll come through.

[A]

That's crazy. Yeah. I. I want to be in a place where I'm happy and not relying on so many stipulations. But then I'm, like, seeing other people that. And not just work. Not just work, but just. I, like, kind of romanticize. I'll see, like, a random. And you could just see that they're like. They're in another world. Like, they're having. They're in a centered space. And I'm like, how do I do that? Because I'm so antsy, on edge. I'm always thinking about the next thing, the next thing. This is so crowded in this bitch. They keep telling me yoga and stuff. I don't know. I don't know if I want to do that. They also said medication, but I don't want that. Serenity without the crystals. If I got to hold a rock to keep it together, I don't know.

[B]

It might just need to be.

[A]

I might need to be on the ledge. No, no, no. I'm just saying, you're like.

[B]

You're like, yeah, I don't want to try yoga or pills. It's like, well, baby, you might just be in the situation you're in there.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You said up top. You said I'm difficult.

[B]

I know I said you're difficult about apartments. You will notice what I said about the apartments. Difficult about the apartments.

[A]

But you. You threw it in there about apartments. But she was really talking about everything because I know how you do.

[B]

You're not going to. You're not going to spin me up into your narrative. Okay, Okay, I said what I said.

[A]

You. You did.

[B]

Only thing I have to say about my friend Sydney is that I love her.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I also. Caleb, I want to say, like, you, Your star power is so effortless. It's so chill. Remember you were doing your tour with Annie, Sydney, you did it with Annie, and I did the show and you asked me to do it. And I thought it was like. I thought it was just pulling up to, like, Union hall bellhouse type of situation. I get there, crazy concert space is packed to the brim.

[B]

That's Annie's. That's the Annie's.

[A]

I said, do I. Do I know this person? What's going on? And when you got on stage, you did your time. I was like, damn, this is. I think that's when you're at peace, when you're doing what you love. And regardless of the amount of money you're making or whatever you're. You could tell that you're having a great time.

[B]

Thanks, babe.

[A]

You're not forcing it.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not. I'm trying to. I'm trying to be as casual as I can, especially on stage. And I do love the time that I am physically on stage. Everything I've talked about this for, everything around it is a bit of a nightmare. Like, I dread it going. Coming up and Then after.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Not. Not even about doing poorly. When I started out, it was about, will I do bad? Now I'm like, I think I'll do good. I just. It's. It's. I just dread having to be somewhere. I dread having to be anywhere. Oh, what was the name people came. It was demand Avoidance or demand. I talked about this on Briston's episode that came out a while back, and. But I dread anything I have to do. And it's a thing that I guess autistic children deal with. But I. Even if I know I'm gonna have a good time out, if it's something I love, I'm like, I resent having to do something.

[A]

Yo, do I have the same thing?

[B]

I think a lot of people have it. That's why I'm trying to talk about it.

[A]

Okay, now let's get. Let's do. Like, I have. This is. I wrote this down that I wanted to talk about on the pod.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I'm upset that the professionalism has gone the down. Everywhere I go, nobody wants to do their job. They're not pretending. They're being straight out, like, yeah, I'm. I'm not doing this for you.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

And I. I understand that because I, too, be like, yo, I don't want to do. I don't want to walk out the house. I want to lay in the bed. I want to lay when I'm down. When I'm laying. That's me in my best. Now I gotta get up and do this extra. So I understand. But when I tell you I went into the Sephora in Union Square, and it was about, you know, it closed at 8. I'm there at, like, 7:40. And the. Just a lack of. They. They really was like, wrap it up, bitch. What you need? Yeah, but also not helping me. Yeah, I'm going through the drawers. I'm looking for. I actually need help. Usually they be on my neck with they fucking smiles. Hey, did you sign up for the support card? None of that. I didn't get any of that. So I was a little like, wait, what's. What's up, y'all? Y'all don't want to greet. So I'm going through the. I basically work there. I work at Sephora because I'm in the drawers digging, looking for brushes, palettes, all this stuff I said I should just steal because why are you. Why haven't I got a tap? Like, do you need anything? Yeah, they were letting me play scavenger hunt all of this, they did not care. And so I was actually looking for stuff. Things were sold out. Nobody wanted to really help me. A lady was just leaning up. I like, I don't. She was wearing flats. You leaning. You wearing flats. I used to work 10 hours. 5 inch Steve Maddens. Now you know that's a sturdy, hard shoe. Pinky toes dead. You don't see me leaning up on the micros. This woman blinked, and so I'm waiting for her. I was purposely dropping shit. She was. I'm dropping.

[B]

She.

[A]

I'm breaking stuff. She will. She refused to look me in the eyes and ask, do you need anything? So then I get to the cashier, and this girl I already tell, she's like, all right, this is the end of night. We about to clock out. I said, yeah, the service just. It was not good today. It just. Nobody really helped me. And she said, sorry, no sorry. And I said, your name is Kennedy, right? It's Kennedy, bitch. When I tell you I was about to go up to the headquarters of Sephora, I needed everybody to lose their job. We gotta reel it in.

[B]

It's gotta be a little more.

[A]

I know how hard it is to go to work, to want to work, to want to be there. And it's just. I knew if I called Sephora headquarters, Kenny's still gonna have her job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I, like, that's what I don't understand about Karen's. It's like. But people are still working, babe. Like, you should. You might as well just pop some Zannies or whatever and calm down, because you're not getting these people fired.

[B]

I go home. There is a decline in customer service across every single field is bad. I'm pretty. I'm usually pretty chill. I had a heated moment at the. At my corner store the other day because the dude, I'm sitting. I'm sitting at the deli for 10 minutes. I'm sitting at the counter. He's. He's milling about the store, doing other. Anything other than making a sandwich, by the way, there's three of them in there. There's three people working, one on the register, one sitting, reading a book, and one milling. Now, tell me, are any of those jobs making a sandwich? No. I'm pissed. And so I'm.

[A]

But you're a new person.

[B]

But so. Hey, I'm not. I'm not family there.

[A]

So they gotta, you know, they're trying.

[B]

To initiate, maybe so. Right. So I do. I stand politely for 10 minutes. I don't say anything. Of course, I have the Urge to go, hey, does someone want to make a sandwich or no, but I don't. I go, hey, I'm chilling. So I'm sitting there.

[A]

You should have said that because then they would have been like, they might have hopped too.

[B]

See, they respect that guy.

[A]

Welcome to New York, baby.

[B]

And it didn't happen. And I stood there for 10 minutes and then finally I turned like a fool, like an idiot.

[A]

I'm not making no sandwich. If you. You get closed mouths, don't get fed.

[B]

So I turn to the guy whose job it seems to be milling and he meandering around. He's wearing the apron like he's going to cut some meats. And I go, I'm so sorry. When you get a second, can I get a sandwich? And he just shakes his head no. And I went, wasting my time. And I walked out. I was so mad. I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean? Head shake? No.

[A]

Well, did you hear there's a recall on the Boris head?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

That people have been sick. The salmonellas is at an all time high. And so he probably is wondering why the. Do you want a sandwich right now?

[B]

You know what the answer is?

[A]

Unless you just want slices of tomato on some. On some chocolate.

[B]

You ever heard of egg salad, honey? His job is to turn to me and go, all we have is egg salad. Would you like that, sir? And I say, no, thank you.

[A]

I'm asking for too much. Caleb, we're in New York.

[B]

I'm asking for a sandwich. The culture is dead. I can't get a fucking sandwich.

[A]

It's bad. It's really, really bad. I just. I'm like, how do we fix this? How do we fix the people? And then what's also very scary is the people who love their job too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where they're like, you can't win with us. When I get on the plane and the steward. They on. They doing a bit. They fucking running that car. Oh my God. What can I. They're touching babies and shit. I'm like, oh, they're planning to.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. I'd love to.

[A]

I like, I get scared. I actually am unease when this. When the stewardess are. They're just too happy. I'm like, oh, they're planning to take this plane down because. Why are you so fucking happy?

[B]

I would love to get one of those. The only. The only flight attendants I've had recently have had a little bit of an attitude for me.

[A]

Really.

[B]

One of them. Recently. I fly a Lot.

[A]

Okay, we know.

[B]

I take my back.

[A]

You're in the front, though.

[B]

I'm in the front. And I'm all. I always travel to carry ons, no matter where I'm going. By the way. So, by the way, what do I expect? A little bit of nice. A little bit of nice. I'm just saying I didn't pay nothing for the ticket. I like a little bit of nice.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

I get on my carry on. I got to put it overhead. And she goes, that's not gonna fit. And I went. I went, oh, I think it will. I fly with it all the time. She goes, I fly a lot, too. And I went, okay. And then I put it in there and guess what fit the bag. I was like, how dare you have an attitude of me? I've done. And by the way, when I get on the plane, what do I say? I say, hey, guys, how's it going? How's your day going? Good to see you. I'm always very polite. I've never been. I've never started with a bad attitude with a service employee, but we can get me there, you know? And when you and the even tell me the bag wouldn't fit, I didn't mind that she sees you, that it doesn't fit, and I'm not mad at all. But when I said, oh, I think it'll fit. This is the exact size bag I fly with all the time. I fly on this plane.

[A]

You would think a man wanted to hear that.

[B]

She said, I fly a lot, too.

[A]

It won't fit. Oh, it won't fit.

[B]

You're like, no, this is a Christian family podcast.

[A]

Okay. So sorry.

[B]

This is a Christian family podcast. But, yeah, it was the second part. I fly a lot, too. First of all, unscrunch your face when you're speaking with me because I'm being nice. And second of all, the bad seat, though, 1A.

[A]

Okay. Because I'm like, she wouldn't be talking to you if he was in the front. Like, if you were in the back.

[B]

Of you would think. You would think.

[A]

We don't. You're pretty much in coach.

[B]

I'm effectively the pilot. It's just I couldn't be close. If I got any closer to the cockpit, someone would tackle me.

[A]

Yo, listen, Caleb, I'm. Right now I have a dilemma because you fly a lot. I'm. I'm Uber a lot. I'm that girl. The fact that I haven't done any brand deals with Uber is crazy.

[B]

Uber hit her up.

[A]

But I recently found out That I have a 4.6? Did I strangle a driver? Why am I. Did I literally shit in the back of someone's. Why am I a 4.6?

[B]

That's not good.

[A]

I don't understand. And so now I'm on a mission to find out what's the problem you're looking at.

[B]

I'm wondering about mine, but I'm listening to you at the same time.

[A]

I was like, did I. Did I take it to the wrong level? Like, is this not. You're trying to find out what is yours?

[B]

It's not important.

[A]

Tell me what does matter.

[B]

Minus.

[A]

No, I need to know.

[B]

It's a 4.9. It's a 4.9. Basically a five practical.

[A]

That's wild.

[B]

Practical.

[A]

So I'm at a 4.6. I'm. I'm a murderer. I, like, I've clearly have killed someone's child. I don't know. So I'm in the back of the Uber the other day, and I am talking to a driver and I said, hey, is there, like, a note about me? Because I'm not. My rating is a 4.6. Yeah. So he already was like, oh, this is going to be one of those.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He said, no, there's no note on you. He said, 4.6. He's like. I was like, I don't know why it's so low. He's like, well, are you eating and drinking in people's cars? Meanwhile, shrimp tempura. Yeah. Lacroix?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I said, oh, okay. I said, I don't usually do this, but I haven't eaten all day. But if you would have told me no eating or drinking in my car, I would absolutely not do it. He's like, yeah, what? You know, if you come in and you're eating, you know, you're talking on the phone loud. I was like, y'all talk on the phone loud?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, oh, well, you asked me. It's like. Because now I'm being.

[B]

He's like, ma'am.

[A]

Yeah. And now I'm like, oh, fuck, is he gonna give me, like, a lower rate? So now I'm stressed right now. I'm trying to win him back. I'm like, so, what's going on with your day? Like, it turned. It turned. But I just want to get back to 4.8 at least. I don't know. The drivers don't give a fuck about me, but it's because I have a 4.6.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're seeing my rating and they're like, are we giving you what you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just need to get back to where I want, and it's. I don't know how to do it without pretending.

[B]

You might need to switch to Lyft.

[A]

Oh, I'm a 4.9 left.

[B]

See, you might need to stay over, because at this point, Uber's looking pretty shot for you.

[A]

Really?

[B]

What? You'd have to work really hard to get that back up.

[A]

How am I gonna. I drive baked cookies. Like, what are you gonna do? I don't know.

[B]

It doesn't seem possible. Just by law of averages, you know.

[A]

I'm stressed, and that's how I know I'm turning into an elder, because it's like, why do I care? If anything, it's like, the lower it is, y'all still gotta pick me up. Bitch. What's up? Yeah, you know, I'm over here. Like, how do I fix this? I want to be. I can't die with a 4.6.

[B]

You can't die with a 4.6?

[A]

Yeah, I have to. Like, once I get to that 4.8.

[B]

Girl, forget about it. I'm out of here.

[A]

Call me. Call me, because this is my last time.

[B]

Well, hey, speaking of other things you feel passionately about, what's so true to you?

[A]

What's so true to me?

[B]

Yeah, what's so true to you?

[A]

So true to me? I think if. If you're in a relationship, you don't have to post.

[B]

You don't have to have a social footprint at all.

[A]

No.

[B]

If you're in a relationship.

[A]

I think we've done that too much. I think it's. I think it's time to really back. It's not hiding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not trying to be mysterious. It's just you protect the things that you love, the things that are important to you. And why you. Why you? Why I gotta post everybody I'm dating or anybody that I'm, like, in love with? Yeah, I think I'm. What's so true to me is having that boundary of, like, we on a need to know basis.

[B]

Do my kids know this? Need to know fall.

[A]

Need to know fall? I. Yeah, we're gonna do that for sure.

[B]

So you're dating someone who's married right now?

[A]

No. Oh, my God, Caleb.

[B]

I'm just kidding. It'd be fun, though. That'd be fun.

[A]

Wait, not you, Caleb. I do sound. I do. I do sound like that. But do you. When you see people who they. They don't post, but you know, they're in relationships, do you think that's weird?

[B]

No, I think it's really cool. And honestly, I have. I actually was just talking to my. My aunt who's in a very happy, long marriage, a genuinely happy, like, great marriage. My Aunt Ashley and my Uncle Andy shout out. Love you guys. They listen. But they. We were talking about couples who feel the need to, like, really post and who will be like, you know, just, like, so constant. Like, constant posting about how wonderful the partner is. And I can't believe he took out the trash before I came home today. Like, shit. Where it's like that, y'all. I don't know who you're trying to convince, but it feels like you themselves. Yeah. It's like at a certain point, I'm like, we already thought y'all liked each other. I don't know why you're doing all this.

[A]

There's got to be moments where you actually see yourself and you look at your page and you're like, this is disgusting.

[B]

Just in general.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not just some couples. You're like, why are y'all doing so much?

[A]

The collab. Like, couples on the. They got the page together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is wild to me.

[B]

The shared Facebook page back in the.

[A]

Day, when you see two faces in the. The avi. And it's not a podcast. It's like, it. It's a couple.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they're. Throw it away.

[B]

We would have Burn it. We would have a really successful Instagram relationship.

[A]

I think it would. I think with the Algo.

[B]

Would love us.

[A]

It's like, because it's just two cute faces, like, little. Little eyes. And just like, you know, just.

[B]

We could be like. You could be like, this is my husband. He loves me. I'd be like, this is my wife.

[A]

You know, lavender wet marriages is. It's up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lavender marriages. More people are learning about it, and they might have to do it.

[B]

Gay guys and lesbians getting together, making it work.

[A]

And they're like, we deserve each other's health insurance.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that person that is going to show up when I'm in the hospital.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But that marriage meaning, like, we gotta stick together, like, physically and, like, have all these be binded. That's. That's actually so unhot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's not hot.

[B]

This is what gay guys have been doing for a while.

[A]

This is true. Shout out to y'all.

[B]

Sure. We'll do shared health insurance, but I'm gonna. Anyone I see. That's a gay guy called open. Yeah.

[A]

That's called poly.

[B]

Don't get me Started on open. Right now.

[A]

You don't want open.

[B]

I can't get into open.

[A]

Stop it.

[B]

I. Yes, I will do open, but in a very specific way. That is the only right way I have.

[A]

Is there a paper? I have to write it down? Contract.

[B]

I have the answer. I'll tell you off camera the answer to. I have. I have cracked the code on open. I know exactly the right way to do it. I don't want to tell my fans because I don't want to talk with these people about. A lot of them are open. A lot of them are poly. Well, a lot of them are doing it wrong. A lot of people are doing open wrong. And I just can't hear any more about the open. But I've got. I figured out open. We have. We have concepts of a plan. I figured out open.

[A]

Well, I have. I have a note for you. Poly people, the poly pockets, they're so poly with relationships. But then we get to the table and they don't want to share none of their shit on the. On the plate. I. I cannot stand.

[B]

It was socialism right up until.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh. So you don't. Oh, I can't put my hand in the chips. Yeah, just your chips.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your fries.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you got waffle fries just for you. I don't want to fuck with you like that. Anyway, Yeah, I wasn't interested in you, like, relationship wise, but now we can't even be friends.

[B]

I don't want to hear about a politics of joy if you're acting crazy on Venmo after the hang. Don't Venmo requests me when I bought you three of our last four meals together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you're Venmo requesting me for the shared chips and salsa. You're out of your fucking mouth.

[A]

But your poly.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So your hole is for everybody. Yes, but the fries are just for you. I really can't stand it.

[B]

That's not right.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

That's not right.

[A]

Close it up.

[B]

Close it up.

[A]

Close the hole up.

[B]

Close the hole.

[A]

Open your arms to the fries for everybody. Pass it out.

[B]

I'm closing down holes like border patrol. I'm shutting it down. I'm saying no one coming in or out. That was too much for Chance. Chance couldn't handle that one.

[A]

No, that was good.

[B]

I have a segment for you. Ooh, this is a game. Yes, this is a game. It's a true false game. Okay, I'm gonna tell you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're. True or false.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If you get 10 or more. Correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Well, okay. True or false? Okay. George Washington had no middle name.

[A]

False.

[B]

True. Bats are mammals.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. Buffalo Wild Wings was founded in 2003.

[A]

True.

[B]

False. 1982. Wow. Tide laundry pods were invented by NASA.

[A]

False.

[B]

False. You can see the Great Wall of China from space.

[A]

False.

[B]

False. Vatican City is the smallest country in the world.

[A]

False.

[B]

True. Time magazine has the largest magazine subscription base in the U.S. true. False. AARP. Well, old people, what are you gonna do? The Wave was invented at Oakland Coliseum.

[A]

You said the what?

[B]

The Wave, the Woo was invented at Oakland Coliseum.

[A]

And. True.

[B]

True. How to Get Away with Murder ran for six seasons.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. Brooklyn has a larger population than Boston.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. The Galaxy S16 is Samsung's newest phone.

[A]

Why the would I know that?

[B]

You up on this?

[A]

True.

[B]

False. S24. You got to be up on Samsung when you come in here.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

Craft Mac and Cheese was discontinued in 2023.

[A]

What?

[B]

Kraft Mac and Cheese was discontinued in 2023.

[A]

False.

[B]

False. Instagram Live has a four hour time limit.

[A]

False.

[B]

True.

[A]

No, that's a lie.

[B]

Instagram 4 hour time limit? Yes.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Seahorses have no teeth or stomach.

[A]

False. True.

[B]

Halle Berry is a world class Frisbee golfer.

[A]

False. False.

[B]

How'd she do? 8. 8.

[A]

Give it to me.

[B]

You were so close. Oh, damn, Sid. I wanted to pay you.

[A]

You don't want a queer black woman to win?

[B]

No.

[A]

Give me them to. Can you do a bonus? Bonus round.

[B]

Bonus round. If you tell me you love me, I'll give you a prize. Not worth it. She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to do it. This is so.

[A]

I love you. Damn.

[B]

Damn. Well, the prize is my love.

[A]

I was literally sucking your toes while I was here. I was sucking your toe off.

[B]

You did give me. You gave me a very nice compliment on the show, which was. I know that was difficult. We've had a. We've had a checkered past, me and you.

[A]

We have. But you brought pods back. Pods are in.

[B]

I brought pods back.

[A]

Yeah. Because usually people are like, nah. Like, we. We. We come to podcasts now. And you're like, this is a setup. You don't. You don't want me to win. You just want to go viral. You don't care. You don't want to have a real conversation. And you are for the people.

[B]

I'm for the people.

[A]

You actually make us feel safe. That we could come in here and be ourselves and not get canceled.

[B]

So no one's getting canceled. You know what? A lot of famous people have asked to be on this show. Oh, and they have. And guess what? Many, many a turn down we've done. We're keeping this show for the people. This show is for the people. I'm only gonna have on people we actually want to talk to. I love you so much. Thanks for being on.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

I love you dearly. Dearly. That was a headgum podcast.