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Y'all make some noise for that Social love story. Come on, y'all could do better than that. That is amazing. AT and Joe are here. Can y'all stand? Let everybody see y'all amazing. I'm gonna be honest. It doesn't get better than that right there. It does not get better than that. Like that right there. This man was directing his destiny to him in the parking lot. Just come this way, telling you, you ought to serve. You ought to serve. God can do incredible things. I love that story because it really, to me, is what I hope this place is, that you come and you find purpose. And look at what God did. He didn't just give you purpose, he gave you your person. And that is amazing. So we celebrate your marriage. We celebrate who you are. And, you know, since Social played a huge part in their love story, they said I could share this with PR we just really appreciate all you guys have done. So they said when they have a little one, if it's a boy, the name is Robert. If it's a girl, it's Roberta. So I am. I told them they didn't have to do that. They said, no, we insist. So no. Come on, make some noise for them. I'm so glad y'all can sit down. Oh, that is amazing. Their story is a perfect segue to the message today. Because if you've been around Social for the last two weeks, we have been in a series talking about what? Relationships. Relationships. It's a relationship series. I promise you, at the beginning of this series, whatever your relationships problems are, we're going to fix it in five weeks. Come on. I still got a few more weeks to get you together. And I told you that that was a false promise. Because healthy relationships are made up of healthy individuals. Two healthy people coming together. That's how you have a healthy relationship. And I don't know if you noticed this. You can't change other people. Amen. If you want to change somebody, please serve in Social. Kids in the nursery department. Other than that, you can work on you and allow the Holy Spirit to do work on you. And so we've been looking at relationships in this series, and we're calling the series S.O.S. s.O.S. why are we calling it S.O.S. well, because whenever ships were in distress and they were about to sink, they would send out Morse code SOS that's what they were doing. So we're saying, hey, we need relationships to have some help. We are sending out the code SOS but not only that, our syllabus for this series Is what book in the Bible? Song of Song, Song of Solomon or Song of Songs? S O S. And y'all, this book, I'm telling you, has been working this preacher right here, because this is not an easy book to preach from y'all. This book in your Bible does not mention God at all. This is a book about a romantic relationship between King Solomon and the Shulamite woman. And there's different speakers throughout this poetry. And we've just been unpacking it over the last few weeks. I told you, week one, we just established relationships need help, and that God can redeem everything. And Solomon's life is proof positive that God can redeem it. Cause you know who his daddy is? David. And his mama is Bathsheba. And if you've ever read your Bible, that was a whole situation right there. And yet God redeemed it. So that was week one, and we just learned that God can redeem relationships. Solomon's life is proof positive of that. Last week, we went deeper into the book and we preached a message called the Laws of Attraction. How many were here last Sunday? All right, if you missed it, go on YouTube. Like, share and subscribe and watch. Last week, because we said, attraction. Attraction can get attention, but it cannot be the foundation of your relationship. She starts off saying, ooh, I want his lips on my lips. The Shulamite woman says that I'm attracted to him. Attraction is good, but attraction is just the curb appeal of the house. It's just the curb appeal. And nobody's ever gone from seeing a house on the sidewalk to moving in the next day. There is a process. You better get that 60 day or 90 day inspection. Make sure that it's not just good on the outside. Check that foundation. See if there's some mold behind the walls. We talked about just practical things last week. We said that your hygie is in your hand. Somebody paid attention. Say it with some passion, because she said that this man smelled good. We said, there's some stuff you can't help. You cannot pick your height. You cannot pick your hair. I mean, some of y'all can't, but you know what I mean. There's some stuff that you just woke up and that's what you got. But the one thing that's in your hand is your hygiene. Amen. You can take a bath. You can put on deodorant. It sounds practical, but it's spiritual, too. And she was attracted to the way he smelled. But then I left you with this last week. I said, that character will always Outlast chemistry. You looking for a relationship? Don't just look for chemistry. Don't just see all his vibes. No, no, no, no. Look at that character. Look at the character. Character is critical. So she says, your name is like oil poured out. And I asked you last week, what does your name smell like? Your reputation. What do people say about you when you leave a room or when you enter a room? And that's where we started off last week. Now we're going deeper. Y'all ready? Oh, we're gonna get into chapter three today. Chapter three. And this is about marriage. Okay. This is the wedding. This is the wedding. And so we're starting at verse number six of this wedding between Solomon and the Shulamite woman. And you'll notice even in chapter two, she has a dre. They fall in love, they're attracted to each other. And she has a dream. She thinks she's lost her lover. She realizes of a dream, she wakes up, and now she sees Solomon coming towards her town where there's a whole procession. That's what we're about to read. This is the wedding. All right. She says, who is this coming up from the wilderness? Like a column of smoke perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant? Look, it is Solomon's. See, when I pause, that's your cue to say that word. Okay, look, it is Solomon's marriage. Yeah, we gonna talk about that. Escorted by 60 warriors. You thought you had a lot of groomsmen. Solomon got 60. 60 warriors and the noblest of Israel. All of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. King Solomon made for himself the carriage. He made it of wood from Lebanon, its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior inlaid with love. Daughters of Jerusalem, come out and look, you daughters of Zion. Look on King Solomon wearing a crown. The crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding. Oh, it's a wedding. The day his heart rejoice. What in the world does that have to do with you and relationships? That's what I asked myself all this week. And the thing that I kept coming back to is what Solomon feels the need to tell us about as it related to his wedding. He could have told us a whole lot. He could have told us what Sister Girl was wearing. He doesn't. You'll see. In the next chapter, he tells us about the honeymoon night in Graphic Detail. Amen. Lets us know all that. We don't know what flowers were at the wedding. We don't know any of that. But he goes in great detail to describe the carriage. 67% of that verse right there of the wedding is about a carriage. The wood he made it out of the gold. The silver is purple on the inside, clean on the outside, purple on. That was just for y'all. 12:30. Purple on the inside. He's going on and on about this carriage. And that carriage got me thinking, ooh. Because I don't think Solomon was the only one that had a carriage when they got ready to get married. I think the Shulamite woman had a carriage, too. She had a carriage. I think she brought a carriage into the relationship, too. Because I am convinced that marriage problems are just carriage problems. And by carriage, I mean what you carry into the relationship when you get married. Most marriage problems are carriage problems. But we too busy trying to pick out the hashtag and the flowers that some of us look past the carriage. But can I tell you, you carry something into the relationship. And I want to talk about the. That's why I brought this baggage out here today. Yes. I know some of y'all are like, what? What is that for? This is my carriage. This is my baggage. And I wanted y'all to see this today as an image and a picture of how people enter life and relationships with baggage, with carriage. In fact, here's my title. Love and carriage. Not love and marriage. Love and carriage. Because it's your carriage that's gonna affect your marriage. Preach, Robert Maduke, is what you bring into the relationship. And I specifically picked out this suitcase. Cause how many know you can't carry this on? Amen. This gotta be checked. I picked the biggest suitcase I could find. Cause this is not a carry on. Some stuff in your life has got to be checked. We need a G agent to go, what in the world is this right here? Oh, I don't care how spiritual you are. I don't care how saved you are. You got some luggage, some baggage that needs to be checked. Matter of fact, you want some notes? Write this down. If you're breathing, you got baggage. If you're breathing, you got baggage. I want to help some of y'all perfectionist. And it's like, I just want somebody that doesn't have any issues. Oh, you better get to heaven. You better wait for life on another planet. Because everybody, single person that is breathing is bringing some type of baggage into the relationship. If you are breathing, you have baggage. I don't care how saved they are. I don't care if they had communion for breakfast. I promise you they are bringing some baggage into the relationship. And that just is a great place to start. Because have you noticed at the airport, everybody has baggage? And have you noticed at the gate check desk, they're not shocked a bag? No, they just expect you to have baggage. I'm telling you, that's where I am in life. I am not shocked when people have stuff. Amen. Because they have baggage. I just know you're gonna have baggage. Now, they do check some things when you bring your baggage. They ask questions like, do you have any spare lithium batteries in here or any E cigarettes? Because they need to check and make sure that there's nothing hazardous in here that's gonna jeopardize the safety of everybody on this planet. It's not like just come one, come all. Now, what in your baggage is hazardous? I'm preaching better. Y'all are talking. Another thing they check is the weight of that baggage. They're like, oh, 200 pounds. No, that's gonna cost you $8,000 if you wanna. How heavy is the baggage? But there is a real reality of humanity. All of us have baggage. All of us have things that we are bringing into the relationship. And you've got to be aware. They even ask you, did you pack this yourself? They want to know, are you aware of the baggage that you are carrying and that you are bringing? Do you know, I'm gonna take my time. This service right here. That's why I love our therapist. I love Miss Peggy. She'll be talking to me or she'll be talking to PT and she'll say. She'll say, we'll say a statement, and she'll say, oh, hold on. Let's unpack that, sweetie. Which means she. I said something that revealed, Whoo. That was in my baggage. It is critical in every relationship that you understand not just the love, but what is the carriage. Love and carriage. Love and carriage. That's what I want to talk about today. And I'm actually even going to invite the lovely PT on stage to help me, because I want you to see how real this is. Babe, would you come help me? Oh, wow, she's coming with baggage. Look at there. She said, what do you need me to do? I said, just bring a suitcase to service. Cause I want y'all to see how relationships are. Y'all the pastors, you better believe it. And got some baggage that needs to be unpacked. And I wish you would just unpack it once and then you didn't have to unpack it again. You will perpetually over the relationship, unpack something else. There's stuff in your baggage you didn't even know was there. You will mess around and have kids and be like, wow, it's crazy how parenthood is trickling. Stuff in my childhood I didn't know that was in there. This is what relationships look like right here. We've been married 13 years this August. Thirteen years, and still finding stuff that is packed in the baggage. I want you to get this picture. I think they got a picture of our wedding day. That's our wedding day right there. August 24th, 2012. Come on, y'all. Ain't too much change. We up here killing it. Hallelujah. It's pretty amazing, babe. But that's not an accurate picture. This is a more accurate picture. And I want to help some of you who are married, who are about to get married, who are about to walk away from your marriage. To know every single person that is breathing comes with some baggage. Isn't it interesting that ours are different colors? Buff got baggage. Mine is darker. Hers is lighter. Just want to point that out because it's funny, because we'll do marriage conferences and inevitably we'll get this question, oh, what is it like to be in an interracial relationship? How does that affect your marriage? And I get the question because we live in these divided states of America, and racism and judging people by the color of their skin is something that is a stain on this nation's history, and it's still affecting us today. So that's why we get that question. But it makes me laugh because it's almost as if subliminally within the question, they're saying, oh, well, that must. You must have a different dynamic because of melanin. And I want to be like y'all. That is the least of the issues. Let me tell you. I don't care if both of y'all are purple and both of y'all are blue. Please believe that when your family of origin collides with her family of origin, y'all, it is going to be some issues trying to unpack the baggage. How do y'all celebrate birthdays the way they celebrate birthdays who are going to see the kids on Christmas? All of that is in the baggage. What is your vision of what a husband should be? What's your vision of what a wife should be? Somebody about to get married right now, and you thinking, ooh, she gonna cook it's gonna be lingerie every day. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. It might be doordash and that not tonight robe. I'm just letting you know you're coming in. I'm not saying no. I'm just saying them. I'm saying them. This ain't got nothing to do. This is illustration. I'm saying. See, y'all about to get me in trouble. We all come into the marriage with expectations, with things that are in the bag. And I'm not even gonna unzip the bag today. I just wanna. We'll talk about that next week. I just wanna establish the reality that in love and marriage, you come with the carriage, and that carriage will affect the relationship. All right. Thank you so much, babe. I love you. Love and carriage. So rather than talk about the marriage, I wanna talk about the carriage that affects the marriage. Nobody can check out of this message today. If you're married, this is for you. If you're single, this is especially for you. Cause some of you are living your life in a way right now where you're like, I'm married. I'm single. And you are collecting things in your carriage. Collecting bodies in your carriage. Hello. And it's going to be unpacked. In a relationship, you are going to cause carnage on somebody else's life if you don't make a decision to live a life now that is honoring and pleasing to God. Check your carriage. I don't care what you delete. I don't care what you hide. It's not going to change overnight because you said I do. Because behind that I do is baggage. You realize just because you said I do doesn't mean you can. I do does not make you capable. It makes you accountable. Y'all. Y'all messing with me. 12:30. That's not in the notes. It makes you accountable. So if you're not living your life accountable to God and honoring others who have his image, you think overnight, you think in 24 hours, because you just said I do, all that you did is about to change. No, no, no, no, no. You are practicing right now. So if you're single, you really need to pay attention to this message. If you're single and satisfied, which is okay, we gotta stop treating married people like. I mean single people like they got a disease. If you are single and you are cool with the single with the single season and you want to be single for the rest of your life, this is still for you, too. Because I know you got some married friends that get on Your last nerves with their issues so you can give them some wisdom today. Because I want to be a gate agent. I want to be a gate agent and I want to check some things that are hazardous, check some things that are too heavy for you to have in your carriage if you're about to step into marriage. Is that okay? All right. Just. Just a few things. Let's start with number one. The first thing that is critical that you gotta catch, that you gotta check number one, is that marriage was conceived by God, not humanity. This is critical. It seems elementary, but it's foundational. It is imperative for you to know who thought of marriage? Whose idea was it? And I came to tell you marriage was conceived by God, not humanity. If you don't understand that marriage started in the mind of God, you will not approach marriage in the right way. Marriage was conceived by God, not humanity. One of the biggest misconceptions we carry into marriage is that humanity came up with it. Culture treats marriage like a man made institution that we can redefine, remix or remove when it's convenient. But we have to check that bag at the gate. Because marriage was not humanity's idea. Marriage was conceived by God. It was birthed in the mind of your creative creator, not in the imagination of man. If you don't understand the origin, you'll never respect the purpose. Marriage was not a human idea. It was God's idea. We did not come up with it. That's why it has lasted so long, because this was God's idea. It will not stop until the true bridegroom comes to get us, the bride, the church. But on earth, it will be here because God created it. It was his idea. We did not come up with it. That's why it's lasted so long. I'm intrigued with the things that have lasted so long. My kids, you know, we homeschool, but then they go to school for a couple days a week and they'll come back and they'll say something. I'm like, kids are still doing that today. Some stuff I don't understand. This Skibidi Ohio Riz stuff. I don't know. But there's some stuff that just stands the test of time. Like, my son came home one day, he was trying to get me. I didn't know they're still doing this. He was laughing before he told me. He's like, hey, dad, hey dad, spell I cup. I was like, y'all still doing it? I said, I did that joke on the playground. They're still doing it. I asked My daughter Evie. I said, do y'all still do this song? You know, Kody and Susie sitting in the tree. K I S S I N G First comes love, then comes marriage Then comes the baby and the baby carriage. She said, yep, they're still singing it. Still doing that song. This notion of affection and love, and not just first comes love, then comes dating for 15 years and shacking up together. That's not in the song. Kids naturally sing the song and been singing, first comes love, then marriage, then a baby in the baby carriage. What are they singing to? They're singing to this timeless principle, this timeless God idea of marriage. He is the one that came up with it. What was your idea? What is your vision of marriage? God says, you're the designer. You get to be the definer. What is it, according to the word of God, one man and one woman in one lifetime. That is God's vision for marriage. Rob Madu didn't say that. God said that. He is the designer. He gets to be the definer. One man and one woman for lifetime. That is how he defines marriage. What is marriage for? Is it for companionship? That's a part of it, but I know people who are friends who ain't married. That's somebody's annoyance right now. Define the relationship. What are we? That's somebody's problem right now. But it's not just companionship. It's deeper than companionship. What is marriage for? Is it for affection? That's a part of it, but come on. I saw a YouTube video the other day of these two otters, and they were in the water and they were both rubbing each other's head in the water. They ain't married. But that's affection. It's not affection, although that's a part of it. Is it for procreation? No, because rabbits and rats procreate. They're not married. What is marriage? It is the covenant. It is the bonding, the deep bond between a man and a woman and one lifetime. It is, hear me, the picture of love and union that God has with his people. Of all the metaphors that God could have used about his relationship with us, he chooses to use the metaphor of marriage. I told you this a couple of weeks ago. This entire book, the Bible, is a love story. It starts with the wedding with a man and a woman in the garden. In the middle, we got the Song of Solomon, which is God affirming romantic love between a man and a woman. And then at the end, when he lets us know that he is the bridegroom and we are the bride. And even now, the spirit and the bride say, come and. And one day he is coming back to get this bride spotless and without wrinkle. This is God's vision. Now, do we fall short of that? Absolutely. Is there pain? Is there turmoil? Is there divorce? Absolutely. But here's the problem. Many of us want to change God's vision and his ideal to come down to our reality. But hear me. You don't adjust the word of God to fit your life. You adjust your life to come under God's word. Whoops. Somebody gonna lead the church on that right there. But it's true. God says, this is. This is my vision. And because I designed it, I get to define it. I get to set the context for where it will flourish. Where do you get that from, preacher? Well, Genesis, chapter 2, verse 24. Let's look at it. He says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And they shall become what? One flesh, deep intimacy, one flesh connected. This is why sex is more than something physical. This is why God says it has to be in the context of marriage. Because you are becoming one flesh. And I cannot do with my body what I have not done with my life. That's why they were naked and without shame. Because God says, this is the two becoming one. And that's why when you do it outside of that context, there is a ripping away and there is a pain that occurs because it's outside of the designer's original intent. But here's what blows my mind. He's talking to who? Adam and Eve. Talking to Adam and Eve. And he got the nerve to say, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother. God. Are you confused that you're in Genesis, chapter two? Because Adam ain't got no father. Eve has no mother. Why do you feel the need to prescribe something to them that they don't even have a point of revelation for? They don't have a mother. They don't have a father. Could it be possible that you are already speaking to the future as to what your original intention is? He's like, y'all ain't even got a mom or a daddy. I created you, Adam, out of the dirt, took you out of his rib. But I'm just setting the vision and the picture for how human life will flourish. And I'm letting you know, as you start having babies and you start being fruitful and multiplying, it is for this reason a mother will leave his father and his mother and the two will become flesh. This is God's original intention and design. You know, it reminds me of Matthew, chapter number 19, y'all. Good. It reminds me of Matthew, chapter 19. Something interesting happens in the Gospels. The Pharisees, the original haters, they come up to Jesus and they were always trying to get him in a trap. Always trying to get him in a trap. And so they come up to him in Matthew 19, and they ask this question of Jesus. They say, excuse me, Rabbi, can a man divorce his wife for any and every reason? That's the question. Can a man divorce his wife for any and every reason? And the whole question was a setup. Because during that time period within the Pharisees, there were two tribes of thought. One thought was that you could divorce your wife for anything. And they were doing it. I mean, anything if she didn't make the hummus. And Peter right, I'm out. No, no, you didn't get it right. I said, you know how I like it. That's literally how crazy it was. They were leaving over anything. So that was one tribe of thinking. The other tribe of thinking was only sexual immorality gave you grounds for divorce if covenant was broken. So this is the question that they're posing because they're trying to put Jesus on one side. Here's what blows my mind. He doesn't take his side. He doesn't even jump into the fight. All he does is reiterate his original vision for marriage. Look at what he says right here. He says, haven't you read that? Makes me laugh because they got the Old Testament memorized. He's like, haven't you read. Did you miss that part? Haven't you read that at the beginning, the Creator made them male and female. He's defining there's only two genders, male and female. That's what he said. He defines it. He gets to design it male and female. And said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. He's like, I am not about to pick a side. I'm just going to cast the vision of my original intention and hear the heart of your pastor. This is not to put shame on anybody in here today. This is why I began this series by letting you know that God can redeem anything. That God can redeem anything. That even if you got a crazy past, you could say, from this day forward, I'm going To come under God's word and his way, because that's the only space you will flourish. Many of us are fighting against the context God created things to flourish in. And so he just paints the original picture of his intention. Now, if you like me and you've been reading the Song of Songs, you're like, well, hold up. Then. Explain. Song of Solomon. If it's one man and one woman, please explain to me the scandalous life of this dude named Solomon. It's so funny. People actually use the Song of Solomon and polygamy in the Bible to say, well, that must be God's will. I was going to say something, but I'm not going. But people do that. And so I'm saying, what happened to me? I'm studying this text. Don't put it up there yet. I'll call for it. Don't put it up there yet. Take it off. Take it off. Take it off. Take it off. I'll call for it. Yes. Hallelujah. So in chapter six, Chapter six, Solomon's going on and on about how beautiful this woman is. Read it. When you get to the crib, he says, your hair is like a flock of goats coming down a mountain. He talks about her teeth being straight. And, you know, each one of them has its twins. Sign language. Sign. You know, language for like, hey, you ain't got no missing teeth. Just. He's going on and on. And you can get lost in all this beautiful poetic language that Solomon is saying that. You skip past what he said right here. Now put it up. Yeah, he said, you beautiful girl. You got hair like goats. And he says, 60 queens there may be and 80 concubines and virgins beyond number, but my dove, my perfect one, is unique. Hold on. What? What are you talking about? Do you know how much baggage is in that carriage? And that statement right now, ladies, let me just bring it into the 21st century. That is like a dude coming up to you and say, Hey, 60 girlfriends I might have. I might have 80 side chicks, too. But you, girl, something different about you. You the one. How long are you gonna stay in Cheesecake Factory if he says that? What in the world are you talking about? Solomon. He's got multiple wives. And some people will use that to go, well, there it is in the Bible. And they forget to read Deuteronomy 17, when God begins to prescribe what a king should do. And he says, a king should not take for himself multiple wives. And yet, not only Solomon did it, his daddy did it, too. And many people don't realize. Sometimes the Bible, rather than saying, thou shalt not, will just give you a picture of the carnage that occurs when people try to go outside of God's original intention, sometimes just to bring it to the 21st century and trying to help somebody out. Sometimes the Bible won't say, thou shalt not drive without a seatbelt. It'll just show you the scene of somebody who drove without a seatbelt. And so you can go, oh, if that didn't work for them, I bet it's not gonna work for me either. And isn't it crazy that Solomon, who started with 60 queens and 80 concubines, that at the end of his life will end up with 700 wives and 300 concubines? And his father had eight wives and several concubines? And so what one generation did, another generation did in excess. And all that was in the carriage. And here she is talking about, oh, so I'm just one of 80. Is that how you see me? And I came to tell you, if you don't deal with the stuff in your carriage, it won't just affect you, it'll affect generations coming after you. And we see it in the life. Marriage, hear me, was God's idea. And because it was his idea, he gets to pick the context that it will flourish in. It's interesting because Jesus was the greatest single to ever live, and yet he had the right perspective of marriage. He had the right theology. Marriage, marriage started in the mind of God. Can y'all handle one more number two? You gotta check this. We got the gate. Check. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. If you approach marriage like it is a contract, I'm telling you, it is a setup for it to fail. Marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant. You don't see contracts in the Bible. You see covenant in the Bible. Marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant. Some people walk into marriage thinking it's a contract. But here's the problem. A contract, hear me, is based on mutual distrust. That's what a contract is, based on, mutual distrust. It says, I'll hold up my end as long as you hold up your end. That's why you have contracts. The reason you had contracts is because you say, all right, now, you promised to fix this roof, and I'm gonna pay this money. If you don't fix my roof, I ain't paying you no money. We live in a contractual world, and this seeps into your psyche, and you'll start approaching relationships as contracts. You did this for me, I'm gonna do this for you. You hold up your end of the deal, I'll hold up my end of the deal. But marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant. And a covenant is completely antithetical and opposite to a contract. Hear me. A is based on mutual love and trust. It says, I give myself fully to you no matter what. If you approach marriage like a contract, your relationship is built on conditions. But if you approach it as a covenant, your relationship is built on commitment. A contract is based on law, while a covenant is based on love. A contract says, if you do your part, then I'll do mine. A covenant says I'm committed to you no matter what. A contract is conditional. It's built on self interest. If one person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, the other person is free to walk away. But a covenant is unconditional. It is built on self sacrifice and lasting commitment. A contract focuses on protecting personal rights. But a covenant focuses on serving the other person. In a contract, if your needs aren't being met, you can legally end the agreement in a covenant. Even when it's hard, even when you're not getting your needs met. Even when everything that was smooth is now wrinkled. Even when everything that was upstairs has now moved downstairs. Even when there's somebody cuter at work, even when you are tired, here it is. You remain faithful because the relationship is bigger than your momentary feelings. A contract ends when obligations are broken. A covenant lasts when one person falls short. Because it's not based on perfection but on commitment. And there are so many people who have entered into marriage on a contract basis. You owe me this. This is my right. Whenever you have this, you owe me. It's a debt, debtor relationship. And when you have a debt debtor relationship, what kind of atmosphere is that for love? You owe me this. Do you know what I signed up for? I signed up for sex every night. I did not sign up for once every four weeks. Never mind. Y'all got five kids and both of y'all work full time jobs. There's no one I signed up are not being met. You know how many people I know who have convinced themselves that it's okay to have a relationship with somebody else because they have said my needs are not being met? You know what kind of I call that? Rational. Lies. Rational, you get it tomorrow. Lies. I deserve this because my needs are not being met. It's a debt debtor relationship. And that is not covenant. Covenant. Watch. This is not for the moment at the altar, anybody can do it. Then covenant, it speaks to the future. It's when I don't feel like it. It's in sickness and in health. It's for richer and for poorer. It doesn't demand rights and say I deserve it says I serve even when my rights and my so called privileges are not being felt. And I know some of y'all are looking at me at a crazy tone of voice because this is completely opposite of the culture that we live in. Because everything is about me, my needs. That's not what I said. Boo. I boo. I did not sign up for an apartment. I signed up for a house with a white picket fence. And we don't know what it's like to stick it out. And covenant will call you back to it long when the feelings are gone. And you know why we don't understand it with other people? It's because we don't understand it with God. We have, we have a contract mentality with God. You know why so many of us are on the hamster wheel of religion is because you innately think, whether you verbalize it or not, that if you miss a quiet time or if you don't pray enough that God is going to walk away from you. That if you don't worship enough or if you don't come to church enough, there's something on the inside of you. Say he's going to walk away. He's going to leave me. I got to keep him happy. And God says, that's not how I loved you. I loved you with an everlasting love. I love. I loved you when you could offer absolutely nothing to me. I died for you. I loved you to make you lovely. What can you offer to a holy and perfect God? Absolutely nothing but the life that he purchased on a cross for you. You have nothing to give him. Stop approaching God like it's a contract and you think he's going to walk away. He's not a God of contract. He's a God of covenant. Covenant. And some of you, if you're not beating yourself up with shame and condemnation, you're on the other end of the pendulum where you are mad at God because you don't think he's keeping up his end of the deal. So you shake your fist in God and say, God, I'm doing everything. I came to church, I paid my tithe, I showed up, I worshiped, I'm reading my Bible and you still ain't gonna give me a raise on this job. You still ain't healed my mama of cancer. How come you ain't doing your part? I'm doing mine. And the anger that you even feel towards him, if you check the root of it, it's a contract mentality. God says, I don't do contracts, I do covenant. Covenant means I'm faithful. Even when you're faithless God, I sense your presence. Covenant. Covenant is even when you walk away, I'm still here. Please don't pervert the message. Am I saying if somebody actually broke covenant and committed adultery, that you're supposed to stay there if your life is in jeopardy? Absolutely not. But this notion that I'm not getting what I need so I can leave is contract and not covenant. And some of you are like, I don't have the capacity to love like that. I bet you do. Especially if you got kids. Kids. Talk about a covenant love. Talk about giving and giving and getting nothing in return. Talk about pouring out and pouring out and pouring out and barely getting a thank you. You got it for your kids. How is it that you have it for your kids? How is it that you'll keep showing it? You've never gotten somebody. You're like, I'm not picking you up from school today cause you not meeting my needs. I got needs too. You think I just want to give you goldfish? No, you have this capacity to go even with your throw up and your poop. I'm going to keep loving. And then you'll look down the road and years later, as I'm able to do now with my amazing parents, 41 years of marriage and incredible parents, you'll look back and go, hey, mom and dad, the investment was worth it. It was worth it. Thank you for being faithful. Thank you, dad for being integrous. Thank you, mom for being a prayer warrior. Thank you. Look at the benefit of your faithfulness because you didn't quit and you didn't throw in the towel. Look at what was in the future. Sure glad you didn't walk away. Sure glad you didn't give up. Many of us about to walk away from something that is going to show us so much fruit in the future, because we're approaching it like a contract instead of a covenant. Look at what God says as he talks to his people in Ezekiel. This is how God feels about you. He said, I wrapped my cloak around you to cover your nakedness and declare my marriage vows. I made a covenant with you, says the sovereign Lord, and you became mine. This is the love of your father. Not a contract relationship, but a covenant relationship. And if you're approaching it like a contract, I promise you the relationship will not flourish as the worship team joins me. Last thing. Marriage is a competition. Wait for it. Of submission. It's a competition of submission. Some of y'all like the first half of that. Like, competition. That's right. No, no, it's. It's a competition of submission. Every healthy, flourishing, not perfect, but healthy relationship is when two people are in a competition of submission. When two people are saying, ooh, I'm gonna serve you better. And the other person said, no, I'm going to serve you better. The other person, no, I'm going to serve you better. And they're both fighting to get to the back of the line. That's a healthy relationship. If one person is doing it and the other one is not, it's abuse. But when both of them are saying, I'm submitted to you, and I'm submitted to you, I'm in a competition not to say I deserve, but I serve. When two people are doing it, that is a healthy, flourishing relationship. It's a competition of mutual submission. I could preach the whole thing, but nobody can say it better than the apostle Paul. Ephesians, chapter 5. Look at what he says. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Hold on, Paul. He ain't even got to relationships between a husband and a wife yet. He's just talking about, as believers, that we are to submit to each other. How can I do that out of reverence for what Christ has done for me? When was the last time you took an L? When was the last time you had words that you could have said back, but you bit your tongue in instead and said, I'll absorb it. When was the last time that you actually responded to somebody who's saying, hey, I need this from you? And you didn't get defensive and said, well, you always. Well, how come you don't? When was the last time you said, you know what? You're right. Give me some grace on that? I'm going to work on that. When was the last time you took an L? He's talking to believers that we are to respond to each other in mutual submission because we see what Christ has done for us. He says, wives, this a man's favorite verse right here. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their. To their husband. I don't know why this is such a controversial verse for some people. Because they're like, I ain't submitting to no man. It says, submit to your husband. The Bible does not promulgate an ideology that man should. All men should submit. All women should submit to all men. No, no, no. Boo, boo. The one you picked, submit to that one. And if you can't see yourself coming under his leadership or where he's taking it, pick somebody else. Why, you can. Talking to the dating people. Hello, let me qualify everything. Submit to your husband. And then when we read the Bible, we have to read it imagining what the hearers would have heard in their day. This would not have been shocking to Paul's audience. This is a misogynistic culture where they saw women as their property. It was not a culture that elevated women. This is what I love about the gospel. This is why you have a savior, Jesus, when he walked the earth, he's elevating women. He's always bringing them to their rightful place in a culture where men are trying to stone them. Here's a savior who's always stepping in and elevating women to a higher place. It's the beauty of the gospel. So nobody would have been shocked by that verse right there in that culture, wives, submit to your husbands. The wives would have been like, we know in that culture. And the man would have been like, that's right. Better submit. So nobody would have been shocked on that. But then Paul didn't stop there right when the husbands were putting their hand on their gut, talking about, that's right. Then he goes, husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy. Oh, I wish I could go back in time to see how many of their eyeballs were about to come up out of their head talking about, you want me to love as Christ loved the church. Hold on. You mean you want me to go to the extremity of being willing to give my own life for her? That's the type of love. I'm supposed that if I hadn't got to the point of this right here, then I hadn't even scratched the surface yet. That's the type of love I'm supposed to submit. They would have been like, oh, bro, hold on. I can't do that. He keeps going, cleansing her by the washing with the water, through the word husbands. What words are you speaking over? Your wife? How are you cherishing her? I'll pause right here because I'll never forget the day I woke up one morning, and me and Pastor Taylor the night before had had a little, you know, strong disagreement. I know y'all super saved. Y'all don't fight. You know, and we usually don't either. We're pastors. This was this one fight that we had in our distant past. And I was so angry. But I got up there morning, and Evie was probably about maybe 4 years old, and she's just there on the couch watching Paw Patrol. And I just went up to her that morning. I just woke up, kissed her, gave her the biggest hug. Just affection. I'm like, oh, my God, you are the cutest in the world. My little Evie girl. And right while I'm doing it, the Holy Spirit said, that's what Taylor needs. I was like, well, I don't mind doing that, but I felt disrespected. No, no, no. That's what she needs. That type of love, that type of. Type of affection, that type of care with your words. That's what she needs. This is why some of y'all about to get in a world of trouble dating somebody who hasn't submitted their life to Christ. You about to marry them. Good luck. Do you know that woman has prayed some stuff that she wanted to see change in me? And after she just prayed and prayed, the Holy Spirit convicted me. And I have prayed and prayed, and the Holy Spirit has come to her and said, you know what? I was wrong. You just go, you. You gonna marry somebody that ain't got none of that. You just gonna trust them apart from a relationship with God? Good luck. Don't call me to do the wedding. Holy Spirit has spoken things in me to change. And I remember going to her and giving her the same affection that I gave my baby girl. Cause I realized in that moment, my wife needed that, too. And not the affection that was going to lead to something. The affection that says, I see you. I speak good words over you. To present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. But holy and blameless in the same way. Husbands, he's still on the dude. Ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body. But they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church. For we are members of his body. For this reason, a man was. Oh, wait a minute, Paul. You saying the same thing that was said in Genesis and Jesus said in Matthew? What is the vision for marriage for we. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one. It's the same vision and the same picture. This is not to shame you. This is just to say we all have carriage and it must be checked. Must be checked. I'm gonna ask every head be bowed and eyes be closed. Father, I thank you for this word. Thank you for the power of your word. Thank you for its sufficiency. Father, I pray again what I prayed before I came out here that you would open up the eyes your people to see what you are saying to us. Father, first of all, I thank you for loving us with an everlasting love. Oh God, thank you for not approaching us with contracts because we would fail over and over again. Thank you God, for the covenant. Thank you for shedding your blood. Thank you for not waiting for us to get our act together, but loving us while we were sinners. Father, the reason we can't extend and give that love is because we don't receive it from you. So many of us think that you're going to walk away, that it's a contract. But Father, I pray through this message and through this series, God, that we would begin to comprehend and fathom your love for us. That you're slow to anger, that you're rich in mercy and loving kindness. And Father, as we receive that love vertically, let us then extend it horizontally. Father, I pray right now for every marriage in this place today. God, I come against the lie of the enemy that's trying to get somebody to give up and walk away. Father, would you join together? Let nobody separate or tear apart, Father, Lord, help us remove the pride from the carriage that's weighing us down. And that with great humility, God, there would be mutual submission, that we'll take the L and we'll do what you did on the cross. We'll say, father, forgive them, forgive them. Do that in our hearts today and let the healing occur. Heads are still bowed, eyes are still closed. If you're here today, you'd be so honest to say, hey pri, I need to surrender my life to this Savior. Notice what he says. You got to do this in reverence of Christ. This is the power of the gospel. When you understand what has been done for you, you can release love in a supernatural way. You can give away a lot of love if you have a source that is unlimited, that you're receiving it from. So it heads bound today. If you'd be so honest to say, hey pr, I've not Surrendered my life to this Savior who paid the price. Not with a contract, with a covenant that you would just lift up your hand high enough and long enough to where I could see it saying, today's the day I need to give him my life. Yeah. See those hands? Thank you, Jesus. Hear me. You don't have to try to clean up your baggage to come to him. You come to him just as you are. Thank you, God. You can put it right back down, head still bowed, eyes still closed. Today, if I talk, especially those of you who are married, perhaps there's an area of your life where you've gotten to that I deserve and forgotten the power of the covenant. Covenant means I'm committed. When the feelings are gone and God's calling you back to do what you can do, you know he's speaking to you through this message about an area of your life. Maybe it's in the way you speak to your spouse and your words, the sarcasm, the putting them down in front of other people. How is it that you are so kind to everybody at your job, but the one that you're in covenant with, someone you treat with so much disrespect? Hear me. As the series goes on, there's going to be things that are going to be unpacked by your spouse. Where are you going to get the love to be able to cover them as Christ covered us? It's got to come from this Savior. It's got to come from humility. That says, God, I bring all that I am to you. If you know what that thing is, would you just lift up your hand high enough and long enough to where I can see it, say, I know what that is, Lord. I'm giving that to you today. You declare this to say, jesus, I need you. I cannot do life without you. You are my life, Lord. Thank you for your covenant of love. Thank you for paying the price for my sin. So, Jesus, I respond, I give you my heart, I give you my mind. I give you my soul. I give you all of me. Thank you for being a God that can handle my baggage. From this moment forward, I'm walking with you and Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.