Dan Soder (1:26)

Yeah. Oh, my God. This. I wonder if she emancipated from her family. Yeah. I mean, that is a thing where you don't realize. It's the. It's the Clark Kent argument. Everyone was always like, clark Kent? That's so stupid. You put on glasses, they're gonna know it's Superman. And then you see, it actually works way better than you would think.

Kathleen Madigan (1:47)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (1:47)

I remember one time after a show at Helium in Philadelphia, me and my buddy that was with me on the show went to go get food at a restaurant that was still open. It was like the Thursday night show, so the restaurants are still open. And we walk in, and I had glasses at the Times before I got Lasik. So I had my glasses on after the show because I don't wear them on stage. And I had my glasses on. And these. This couple from the show was talking to my friend, and they were like, you were great. They were like, what a show? And you know the comic thing where they tell your feature you're great, and then you go, well, I Hate myself.

Kathleen Madigan (2:19)

Right? You're kind of good, too.

Dan Soder (2:20)

Yeah. But then they were like, well, where's the guy that was. I was standing next to him like, where's the guy that was the headliner? And I was like, that was me. And they're like. And you're like, So I guess glasses do fool people.

Kathleen Madigan (2:32)

They can, I think, alter yourself enough that people don't know.

Dan Soder (2:36)

Yeah. Also, it is like the hiding in plain sight thing, where it's like. Like you said, people don't even notice you.

Kathleen Madigan (2:42)

No. And if I have my glasses on, if somebody thinks it's me, they'll be like, hey, I think it. I'm like, yeah, all right. You got me. It's like, tag. Like, laser tag out into the. In the general public. And I'm like, you got me Your. Your laser straight. You're right.

Dan Soder (2:55)

But have you ever noticed in the airport, the three seconds of thought someone puts in when they look at you.

Kathleen Madigan (3:00)

And they go, well, and if I make eye contact, it's over now they're coming. If I come in for the picture.

Dan Soder (3:05)

If I make eye contact in the. In the airport, I'll go at the confirmation, but sometimes you'll notice it. And you go, I have about three seconds to get out of here.

Kathleen Madigan (3:13)

Yeah, I tell. I'll tell her. I'm like, there's a guy on the right. He's staring, and it's not like. And they were. Oh, at my biker bar by my house. I go, there's a dude behind you doing really weird. He was, like, kind of dancing, but he looked like Tim McGraw. He was really handsome. Very handsome. Skull cap on the whole thing. But it's a biker bar. And then I didn't think he was doing it to me, but it was in the direction of me. Well, he was, like, trying to get my attention.

Dan Soder (3:42)

Oh, really goofy. Hey, ladies.

Kathleen Madigan (3:45)

You know, I kind of went like that. Like, I don't know what's going on here, but. But then he came over. He's like, I'm just gonna say it. I'm the owner. My name's Craig, and he owned the biker bar. I was like, I've met another man that claimed he owned this bar, like, six months ago.

Dan Soder (4:00)

As someone that is very gullible, people can always get me with that.

Kathleen Madigan (4:04)

I own the bar.

Dan Soder (4:05)

Or they go, I. I. I do this. And I go, well, that's what. That's who you are. You claimed it first in my brain.

Kathleen Madigan (4:11)

Right. I believe you. Why would anyone lie about it? It's a. I mean, it is the shittiest bar. It's the most fun, but it's the. It's not.

Dan Soder (4:20)

That's the kind of bar that makes me miss drinking.

Kathleen Madigan (4:22)

Yeah, yeah.

Dan Soder (4:24)

Like a shitty. Good. A good shitty bar.

Kathleen Madigan (4:27)

I would. Yeah, I would hate to quit drinking because all my places are kind of drinky centric. My lake bar. Well, the lake bar you could go to and still have fun and not drink.

Dan Soder (4:35)

Yeah, but you go. But there is a feeling of like. Of like style bars, stylistically that draw me in.

Kathleen Madigan (4:43)

Me too.

Dan Soder (4:44)

And there's a place that looks like your eyes have to focus when you walk in from outside.

Kathleen Madigan (4:50)

Right.

Dan Soder (4:50)

That's the kind of bar that I want to drink.

Kathleen Madigan (4:52)

I went in Post Malone's new one on Broadway and it's the thing I love the most. It is night time in there.

Dan Soder (4:56)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (4:57)

I don't care what time of day it is. It is nine o' clock at night and boom, it's pitch black. And the bands are great.

Dan Soder (5:03)

I need casino. Like loss of day.

Kathleen Madigan (5:06)

Yes.

Dan Soder (5:06)

I need to walk.

Kathleen Madigan (5:07)

Otherwise I feel half ass guilty. I'm like, well, I could be taking a walk. I could be.

Dan Soder (5:12)

Yeah. But the best is when you're drinking during the day and then you go outside and you feel that like, I've got a secret and no one knows.

Kathleen Madigan (5:19)

You know, Larry Miller used to do a joke that it's God's flashlight.

Dan Soder (5:23)

Yeah. That's funny.

Kathleen Madigan (5:24)

For the drunk.

Dan Soder (5:25)

It's really funny.

Kathleen Madigan (5:26)

You're like the sun. You're like, oh, no, no, no.

Dan Soder (5:29)

Something about being day drunk always to me felt like a fun secret. Just like walking.

Kathleen Madigan (5:34)

It's like you got away with it. And then a 3 o' clock nap and then you wake up and it's like nothing even happened. Yeah, it's exactly what I did on New Year's Eve.

Dan Soder (5:41)

Yeah, that's great.

Kathleen Madigan (5:42)

My cousins, yeah, we went down Broadway daydreaming. They're from St. Louis, so they wanted. They want to go. Everybody that comes to Nashville wants to go. And I don't mind going to Broadway in the day. I will not go at night. Maybe a Monday or a Tuesday. It's just too crowded. It's too many. If I see anybody under 40, I'm like, I'm out.

Dan Soder (5:57)

That's not fun.

Kathleen Madigan (5:58)

It's time to go home.

Dan Soder (5:59)

Drinking under.

Kathleen Madigan (6:00)

Got to go home now because they're here, they're coming. This is a promissory note that there are thousands more on their way.

Dan Soder (6:06)

And I'm out. Their war cry is like a woo.

Kathleen Madigan (6:09)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (6:10)

People over 40 don't woo when they.

Kathleen Madigan (6:12)

Drink, Especially the bachelorette. Yeah. And there's 9 million of them. They don't even know what they're wooing about.

Dan Soder (6:19)

That's like. I was all. It always made me laugh in movies where they're like, there's a storm coming, and that's how, you know. And they go like, I need you all to finish your drink and get the hell out.

Kathleen Madigan (6:30)

And then in Nashville, they're encouraging it from stage, too, because it's the woohoo country people. Woohoo. So it just doesn't.

Dan Soder (6:37)

How long have you been in Nashville?

Kathleen Madigan (6:38)

For like, 11 years. Like, I went before it became a thing.

Dan Soder (6:42)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (6:43)

But I only went because little Dorf, Zane Dorf. Brian was like. I was like, I got to get out of L. A. I never did like it. It's not my thing. But I stayed for work, and then I was like, you know, I don't need to be here anymore. Like, all the late night shows were either moving here or. And that's all. I don't want to be in a sitcom. I want to be in a movie.

Dan Soder (7:00)

So I do stand up.

Kathleen Madigan (7:00)

Yeah. I don't want to do any of that. Like, they offered me some sitcom thing on something, and I go, just politely tell them I'm busy or whatever. However it doesn't make you look like. Because the agency.

Dan Soder (7:12)

Yeah, they're the ones that are. Like, I said that you already committed.

Kathleen Madigan (7:16)

And so they. It was to. To go audition for it. Then they came back and they said, well, you can skip that part. Just go straight to the producers. I go, no, I meant I don't want to be in it. I didn't do that as a bargaining chip to, like, raise the ante. And then they just offered it to me. I'm like, I still. Still don't want to be in a sitcom. Nothing's changed from two days ago till now. I don't want to be in a sitcom. I'm not an actor. I don't. I don't have the patience.

Dan Soder (7:40)

And you're like. And I don't want to do this game.

Kathleen Madigan (7:42)

I hate it. I hate it. I went once, one time, I went to Lewis blacks like one of my oldest friends, and he was going to be on the big bang theory as, like, some nutty professor.

Dan Soder (7:50)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (7:51)

And he goes, go with me. I go, lou. I don't. Please, please. He goes, I'll buy you two bottles of wine. I go, all right, if you're gonna buy good ones, I'll go. And his assistant. His assistant at the time, Shannon, we were there from 4 to 11.

Dan Soder (8:04)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (8:05)

He was in a scene no longer than five minutes. At the very end of the episode, we drank a bottle of wine. I memorized his lines with him. I memorized the whole script. I'm like, do you love this?

Dan Soder (8:17)

Yeah. What do you mean? You know, I. I had.

Kathleen Madigan (8:19)

He does. He loves it.

Dan Soder (8:20)

I had to go through that to realize that I wasn't a fan of it.

Kathleen Madigan (8:26)

Cut out of.

Dan Soder (8:27)

It's just. It really is like you're in a room or a trailer, and then they come to you and they go, hey, we push this back six hours so we don't need you till about 8pm and you go, then why was I here at 9am Because I'm not doing anything right.

Kathleen Madigan (8:42)

Lewis, you're the last scene that's in the script. Why are we here at 4? We went in 8 in the commissary deal. We wandered around. We smoked cigarettes. I'm like, I. I'm drinking. Me and Shay drank the white wine and we're like. I'm like, I don't got to do anything except run lines with you. But you already know them.

Dan Soder (9:00)

I just.

Kathleen Madigan (9:01)

That whole world. I'm like. Like, Lee, I'm friends with Leanne.

Dan Soder (9:04)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (9:04)

And she loves.

Dan Soder (9:05)

She's doing great.

Kathleen Madigan (9:06)

Right. She's doing blown up. And I'm so happy. Happy.

Dan Soder (9:08)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (9:09)

I'm very jealous. She has a beagle that I want to steal, but. But she always dreamt of having a sitcom.

Dan Soder (9:15)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (9:15)

Like. Like if you were. Like, when I was a kid and watched, I don't know, the Roseanne sitcom, I didn't think, oh, I would like to do that.

Dan Soder (9:22)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (9:23)

No, but would she be on the Tonight show and just do five minutes and leave? I'm like, that'd be good. How do I get. Yeah. Just five minutes and I'm out. And you call me when you're ready. And I'm only there an hour and a half, tops.

Dan Soder (9:34)

Do you think it's a control thing? Because I think with standups, like, we like to control the entire joke.

Kathleen Madigan (9:41)

Well, I will. I am not a control freak. It's when I'm with people who seemingly have zero control, then I get irritated where I'm like, what the fuck? Hey, Mr. Lighting Man.

Dan Soder (9:53)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (9:54)

Why did this take eight times? Hey, Mr. Sound lady, whatever. Like, I don't understand the delays, and maybe it's just because I don't know enough about it, but I become. Well, it's always impatient because I'm like, how long did it Take to make Braveheart.

Dan Soder (10:07)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (10:08)

This is one episode of the Big Bang Theory, and we have been here for seven hours.

Dan Soder (10:13)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (10:13)

Seven hours of my life.

Dan Soder (10:15)

I always. When I saw that time, I was always. I was more impressed with stars of shows because I played a small part like Lewis did. So I was around once in a while. I was amazed when I'd see these guys like Paul Giamatti or Damian Lewis with a binder of their scripts and they're going through monologues, learning the next episode while filming the current episode. And you're like, how does your brain work?

Kathleen Madigan (10:39)

I don't know. Lewis's can work like that. But then also, if you go on a movie set, like I used to think, no offense, but I'm not sure Keanu Reeves is like, the smartest guy in the room. I do love his acting.

Dan Soder (10:50)

I think his emotional intelligence is very high.

Kathleen Madigan (10:53)

Yeah. But, like, I don't know if SATs.

Dan Soder (10:56)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (10:56)

Yeah. Probably not.

Dan Soder (10:57)

Yeah. I don't know if I want them on my quiz bowl team, but I'm.

Kathleen Madigan (11:00)

Like, how does he memorize all those lines? But then you go on a movie set, you really only need to know, like, five that day.

Dan Soder (11:04)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (11:05)

That's all we're gonna get to.

Dan Soder (11:06)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (11:06)

Maybe one big scene and they say that.

Dan Soder (11:08)

They go, we're film. Like two pages.

Kathleen Madigan (11:10)

Yeah, that's it.

Dan Soder (11:11)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (11:11)

So even I could handle maybe that. But you want to. I want none of it. No.

Dan Soder (11:16)

How old are you when you started doing stand up?

Kathleen Madigan (11:18)

Like 23.

Dan Soder (11:20)

Okay.

Kathleen Madigan (11:21)

So. And I had jobs. Like, I bartend. I still bartend. I always bartended until I quit. Quit. But I had a day job and I. I didn't. It was fine.

Dan Soder (11:29)

And you started at St. Louis.

Kathleen Madigan (11:30)

Yeah. So I got lucky because the Funny Bones headquarters was there at the time.

Dan Soder (11:33)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (11:34)

So if you.

Dan Soder (11:35)

That's like the classic Funny Bone.

Kathleen Madigan (11:36)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (11:37)

It's like the original.

Kathleen Madigan (11:37)

Original, Original, Original. There were two in St. Louis, but I was by the one that was the original, the good one West.

Dan Soder (11:43)

And I mean, the amount of people that that club has put into the world, standup wise, it's a lot. So overlooked. Boston, Philly. All these cities get credit, but St. Louis is like. I talked about this with Chad Daniels. It's like, crazy how many people came out of St. Louis.

Kathleen Madigan (12:01)

A lot of black people.

Dan Soder (12:01)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (12:02)

And everybody overlooks all that. Cedric Lavelle. Nobody knows it, but I didn't know.

Dan Soder (12:06)

Lavelle Crawford was St. Louis.

Kathleen Madigan (12:08)

Yeah. He. I think we're 90. Sure. We swam together as kids in the public Pool.

Dan Soder (12:12)

That's crazy.

Kathleen Madigan (12:13)

Like there's no way you forget about me. I was the fattest child in the whole pool. And I'm like, lavelle, not. Not saying nothing for nothing, but there were a lot of fat black kids. Lot of fat white kids too. But which fat kid am I talking about?

Dan Soder (12:28)

It's America.

Kathleen Madigan (12:28)

He like, oh, come on. I got a pin head. I'm unforgettable. I'm unforgettable. The way I breathing would have heard me breathing in the pool. It was like Ferguson, Florent Ferguson. That area that bananas. That's where we grew up. So there him said nobody knows it but Rerun from that old sitcom.

Dan Soder (12:45)

Really?

Kathleen Madigan (12:45)

Yeah. Cuz he used to come over to mic nights. I'm like, that's Rerun. Like, is that Rerun? Why is he here?

Dan Soder (12:51)

And they're like, why the is Rerun here?

Kathleen Madigan (12:53)

Like, wow, Red Fox.

Dan Soder (12:55)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (12:55)

Like there's a crazy amount.

Dan Soder (12:57)

For some reason I thought Redd Fox was. No, he's St. Louis.

Kathleen Madigan (13:01)

Yeah, they still. I'm so proud of the young people because when they graffiti, they still graffiti Red Fox stuff. I'm like, that's awesome. That I would not think a 20 something would have any idea who that was.

Dan Soder (13:11)

Joe List always used to tell me this bar story and I don't know how true it is, but it makes me laugh so hard about Red Fox doing a gig in Vegas. And he comes out and it's the Sanford and Sons theme. Like the. And he comes out in the. And the crowd's like half full. And he goes this. And just walks off in the band, just plays it right. That always made me laugh of walking up, grabbing a microphone, going this. Yeah, St. Louis.

Kathleen Madigan (13:39)

I saw a guy at Open White Night. This was the funniest thing. It was his first time ever. And I was with my sister who was such a harsh judge, but she was hanging out with me and Lou and Ron and we go to this open mic night. She's like, these people are terrible. I mean, who's going to tell them? Is somebody going to tell them? Are you just going to let them come back every week and act like an idiot? I said, you know, okay, you're a little judgmental because you're hanging out with people that have done this for 20 years. It's not really a fair. This one guy comes out, takes a look around, he goes, nope. And he left.

Dan Soder (14:09)

That's right.

Kathleen Madigan (14:09)

Like that was.

Dan Soder (14:10)

That might be the greatest open mic.

Kathleen Madigan (14:11)

Yeah. I would give him the night's grand prize of $25. You win, dude. At least give you 25 bucks. Or showing up when you and he just saw the crowd and when I can't do.

Dan Soder (14:21)

I always liked when people just straight up disrespect, like, didn't care in a way that looked freeing.

Kathleen Madigan (14:29)

Yeah, I don't have that.

Dan Soder (14:30)

I started in. Yeah, me neither. That's why I was, like, so in awe of that. I wanted to do great every open mic time to talk to you about Delete Me. Listen, we're in the age where everybody can find out anything about you. So quickly use Delete Me. If you feel like you got too much information out there and you know some of these reads, you go, does Dan even use this? I've been using delete me since 2019. What they are is they're a company that helps you get your information offline. Now, they can't make sure you're, like, anonymous online, but what they can do is some of your information has already been sold. When you buy something online and you give it, sometimes those companies don't really care about you and they just sell their information to other people who then publish it online. But you go to a place like Delete Me and they find all these places and they pull your info off. I've been using them since 2019. Yeah, some of my stuff's still out there, but most of it either old numbers or old addresses that I don't even use, they take your current stuff off, and it's great. It's easier than ever to find personal information about people online. So when you get someone like delete Me, they help. They're just kind of like the tough guy in the neighborhood. That's gonna stop you from getting bullied. More and more online partisans and nefarious actors are gonna find data and use it to, you know, target you or political rival you get what's going on. It's a mess out there. But with Delete Me, you can protect your personal privacy or the privacy of your business from do attacks before sensitive information can be exploited. The New York Times wirecutter named Delete Me their top pick for data removal service. See? And I knew it. And then they were like, hey, we want to sponsor your podcast. And you're like, brother, I've already been using you. Take control of your data and keep your private life private by signing up for Delete Me Now, a special discount for our listeners. You get 20% off your delete Me plan when you go join delete me.com Soder and use the promo code Soda at checkout. The only way to get 20 off is to join. To go to join deleteme.comsoder one more time. Go to join delete me.comsoder and use and enter the code soder at checkout. That's joinedeleteme.com Soder code Soder get that stuff offline back into the show. Hey, guys, if you need a money app, like to give money or to get paid for stuff, try looking at Cash App. Cash App is one of those apps where you go, what is this thing? And then you download and you go, these guys got pretty good security. And it's a way to pay for stuff online and to get pay online. Like, even if your friends owe you some money, you're like, give me your Cash app. Myrtle's on Cash App. That's why she's up in my face right now. She's like, you didn't cash at me. That money I'll let you borrow. And you go, be cool, Myrtle. But I'm just saying, if you need a money app, download Cash App today. Cash App is a financial services platform. It's not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App Bank Partners. Prepaid debit cards are issued by Sutton bank member fdic. See terms and conditions. Cash App just released a new status program for the way people actually spend. Called Cash App Green, it unlocks new ways for you to pay cash, get rewarded and easily grow or manage your money on your terms. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with a Cash App card or Cash App Pay, you earn green status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free overdraft coverage, higher borrow limits and custom personalized cashback offers every Friday at places you love to shop. So turn everyday spending into status with Cash App Green. Download Cash App today or visit Cash App Slash New to learn more about this and other great features. Launching now. So for a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn ten dollars if they just use the code CASH APP10 in their profile at sign up and send five dollars to a friend within fourteen days. You get two weeks to send five bucks to a friend. Then you get ten bucks. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App Bank Partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Cash App Green overdraft coverage. Borrow Cashback offers and promotions provided by Cash App a Block Incorporated brand Visit Cash App Slash legal podcast for full disclosure. There was this little Mexican dude because I started in Tucson and he was just.

Kathleen Madigan (18:52)

That's a weird place to start.

Dan Soder (18:53)

Yeah. Not a good place to start. No, it's like really starting in the. In the middle of nowhere. You do.

Kathleen Madigan (18:58)

Don't even go there till you do big theaters.

Dan Soder (19:01)

I mean, you're telling me. Because I would watch the headliners that would come through the club and it was all people that, if they were good, had horrible addictions.

Kathleen Madigan (19:10)

There's problems.

Dan Soder (19:11)

There's problems. If they're good, you go, what's this guy's pro? Why is he here?

Kathleen Madigan (19:15)

Right.

Dan Soder (19:15)

He'd be in Phoenix if he was doing all right.

Kathleen Madigan (19:17)

Right, right.

Dan Soder (19:18)

But this. At our open mic, there was just this Mexican dude from the south side of Tucson and he would just smoke these like giant cigar sized joints, you know, not even a blunt. It would be joint paper. And he would get so high and he'd just go up on stage. He's just a little Mexican dude. And he'd go, why people? And he'd start laughing. He'd go, you guys are crazy. You like spit all the time. And he would make himself laugh in a way that it was the hardest I've ever laughed at an open mic. He got me because I was like, what do we do? We do spit. And he was like, you guys be spitting all the time. And I was like, this guy's right. I was just in the back die. I was also probably drunk, but I was like, this is so funny because I just like the idea of someone showing up and watching us with our theater kid energy, being like, it has to be a wonderful performance. And him being like, shut the up. I'm a roofer.

Kathleen Madigan (20:10)

I don't give a. I feel like sometimes. Well, I don't know if he does it anymore.

Dan Soder (20:14)

Felipe, he's great.

Kathleen Madigan (20:16)

He was another one that I felt like. I'm not really sure he cares in a good way.

Dan Soder (20:20)

I followed him recently at the Comedy Store and he had such a set that I felt like I was giving a book report after him because he's so loose and he's like, this was this lady do. And then I'm up there and I'm like, these are the jokes that I have written and they go like this. And I just felt like the audience.

Kathleen Madigan (20:37)

I have segues from 1 to 2 to 3. So you can follow along.

Dan Soder (20:41)

I might as well have gone on stage. Gone. And 1, 2, 3.

Kathleen Madigan (20:46)

A lot of the Denver comics I feel like, really. And it wasn't structured because people were like. Like Rick Kearns. I loved Rick Hurts, but Rick didn't clearly doesn't give a. I mean, in a. But he knows. He's funny. He's very funny. And he would just go up there and start. And we're not supposed to smoke in here anymore. And then he'd light a cigarette on stage.

Dan Soder (21:05)

I'm like, wow.

Kathleen Madigan (21:06)

He doesn't even care, like, if the owner's mad at him. I am a rule follower.

Dan Soder (21:09)

Totally. I always.

Kathleen Madigan (21:11)

Catholic school forever.

Dan Soder (21:13)

I looked up. I was looking up about you. You went to Osage. You went to.

Kathleen Madigan (21:17)

I went to school for two and a half years in the Lake of the Ozarks. Osage, yes. And then we moved back to St. Louis.

Dan Soder (21:23)

But was that the Osage? Because I just read the book Killers of the Flower Moon. Was that part of the Oage, like, nation?

Kathleen Madigan (21:28)

Yes. Indians.

Dan Soder (21:30)

Like, so that was the same school that all the. All the tribe. That the tribe went to.

Kathleen Madigan (21:35)

Yes. But by the time I got there, there were no more tribes. I don't know where they went.

Dan Soder (21:38)

Oh, I don't know.

Kathleen Madigan (21:39)

Well, that's what freaked me out. Like, the first time I went to Colorado, I said to Rick Kearns, I go, that's a really big Mexican dude. He goes, kelly, that's not a Mexican. I'm like, really? He goes, no, it's an Indian. I'm like, what?

Dan Soder (21:50)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (21:51)

We were told in the Midwest they all died.

Dan Soder (21:53)

No, we.

Kathleen Madigan (21:54)

That's what we were. I'm not even joking. That's what. Because we didn't have any reservations. We didn't have any tribes left. Everybody went boom to Oklahoma. And then I thought they fizzled out. This is not like a joke. I'm not trying to.

Dan Soder (22:05)

We're taught they're very alive.

Kathleen Madigan (22:07)

I've only. I've learned more about Indians doing casinos.

Dan Soder (22:10)

Yeah, well, they own them tribes.

Kathleen Madigan (22:11)

I know, and they'll let you know. And I. Then I. And I like everybody that picks me up as part of the tribe. I learned all about the tribe. I know about the Mohicans from all the way. To me.

Dan Soder (22:22)

What's interesting is they have very strict rules about drinking. That's like, one of the things, depends on the tribe. I used to work when I started in Tucson, I'd work the Show Low casino, the Honda casino in Show Low Arizona, which is Apache Reservation. And you go up there and they go, you don't drink before. You don't drink on stage. You don't drink before you go on stage. You only drink after. Which, at first I was like, look at these Native Americans fighting back. And then you go, now it's comics that blew that.

Kathleen Madigan (22:49)

Yeah, that's.

Dan Soder (22:50)

That's more of a performer than.

Kathleen Madigan (22:51)

We fucked that up. That was. That's on us. That was on American.

Dan Soder (22:55)

That was a firewater. That was the white man being fucking blackout during his dirty. But it.

Kathleen Madigan (23:00)

I remember I did one with Roseanne in Minnesota. This was a long time ago, like 20 years ago. And she kept going, hey, little one, you want any vodka? I'm like, now I'm more of a beer wine person, but. But I couldn't understand why she kept offering me vodka. Well, then the show was over. And I go out to what appears to be a bar. Sure, it was trickery. I go up and I'm like, hey, can I get a bud light? And they're like, we don't have any alcohol. What is. And then I started looking closer. They were all non alcoholic beers or tea.

Dan Soder (23:28)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (23:28)

Or I'm like, oh, you know, okay, if you're not gonna have the drinks, that's one thing. But they'll put a fake trick bar here. I got so excited, and then I'm like, where's the closest beer? They're like, off the reservation. I'm like, how big is the reservation? 300 miles. Like in circumstances. I'm like, that was the only time I like.

Dan Soder (23:44)

They go, why do you think we're on the reservation?

Kathleen Madigan (23:46)

Alcoholic. It's like my foot started twitching when I heard 300 miles. I'm like, I'm going back to find Roseanne and I'm gonna learn to like vodka.

Dan Soder (23:54)

But that's what it is. Like, tonight's the first night. It was a Denver comic. I love him. Still friends with him. Troy Baxley.

Kathleen Madigan (24:00)

Yes, I know Troy.

Dan Soder (24:01)

Yeah. I used to open for Troy.

Kathleen Madigan (24:02)

Oh, my.

Dan Soder (24:03)

And so when I would open for him, he'd go, I was drinking. We drink together. And he would go, I could only.

Kathleen Madigan (24:08)

Drink with Troy to a certain tipping point.

Dan Soder (24:11)

Yeah. I watched him put away a bottle of whiskey one day on an empty stomach. And I was like, I think you're a machine. But Troy and I, before we. That casino that I was telling you about, he went, you gotta drink in the room before you go down. And I was like, what do you mean, drink in the room?

Kathleen Madigan (24:27)

Tailgate by yourself?

Dan Soder (24:28)

And then he's like, that's what he called it. He goes, do you want tailgate in the room with me? And I go, why are we tailgating? We're going down to a show. There's a bar, and. And then we went down there, and they're like, no drinking before and you're.

Kathleen Madigan (24:38)

Like, I feel like a lot of them, though, didn't have liquor licenses. And I feel like a lot of them have then since updated that. Like that one in Minnesota. Now that didn't have. They do.

Dan Soder (24:47)

They do.

Kathleen Madigan (24:48)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (24:48)

That's probably what it is.

Kathleen Madigan (24:49)

I think they weren't. Because they were bingo halls. A lot of them were bingo halls to start with. And then they graduated to.

Dan Soder (24:57)

Like, slots.

Kathleen Madigan (24:58)

You could have slots, but they are what you say. You can't have table games because that's a game of skill. I'm like, well, then you have not seen me play Jack. There is zero skill involved. If anything, it's anti skill. Like, I literally cannot add. So then it. Then the table came later, and now I feel like they got. I mean, if you go to like, talking stick, it's Gotsdale. You don't even know you're not in Vegas. I mean.

Dan Soder (25:19)

Well, I remember like Gila river in Phoenix. You would go and there was like limited table games. There was like, stuff. It's always weird when they go. Like, you could play up to $5 and you're right. Then you come back 10, 10 years later and they're like, they don't care. We got our licenses.

Kathleen Madigan (25:33)

I think it was just a process. Like in the Midwest, we had to start out. This is. This is all the Catholics trying to trick the Baptist.

Dan Soder (25:40)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (25:40)

And we get some of the Jews on our side.

Dan Soder (25:42)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (25:43)

We can wrangle up some Jewish people for teammates to go, come on, we're not living like this. Right.

Dan Soder (25:47)

Come on. We can't cut off booze on a Sunday.

Kathleen Madigan (25:52)

Why don't we have a lottery?

Dan Soder (25:53)

Did you guys have it in Missouri? Blue laws.

Kathleen Madigan (25:54)

Oh, yeah. We had to go to Illinois. And it. Which is. Right. River. Right. So it's five minutes from where I live.

Dan Soder (26:00)

But a lot of people that don't know what blue laws are. So blue laws were created for those of you that don't know during, I believe, when we were the thirteen colonies and it was like a puritan thing.

Kathleen Madigan (26:10)

I didn't even know.

Dan Soder (26:11)

I got to look more into it. But the blue laws are how I grew up understanding them. In Colorado. No booze on Sunday for sale. For sale.

Kathleen Madigan (26:19)

No.

Dan Soder (26:20)

You can't sell booze in a grocery store.

Kathleen Madigan (26:22)

Right.

Dan Soder (26:22)

You cannot sell it. It has to be specifically in a liquor store from this time to this time. And not on Sundays.

Kathleen Madigan (26:28)

Right.

Dan Soder (26:28)

Not on the Lord's day. I moved to Arizona for college. They're selling Jack Daniels in the. In the grocery store at fries.

Kathleen Madigan (26:36)

You can just pick up A Jack Daniels St. Louis.

Dan Soder (26:38)

And I was like, well, let's go because we had three. Two beer in the grocery store.

Kathleen Madigan (26:43)

Gross.

Dan Soder (26:43)

I know, why bother?

Kathleen Madigan (26:44)

Have you.

Dan Soder (26:45)

But when you're 17.

Kathleen Madigan (26:46)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (26:46)

And you want to drink beer, you'll drink 20 of them to feel a buzz.

Kathleen Madigan (26:49)

Well, how about when you go to like Seattle and there's a state sponsored liquor store? I'm like, what kind of communist is this? Why would you ever have a sale if it's the state selling it?

Dan Soder (27:00)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (27:01)

Well, so my Bud Light or my Miller Light's never going to be on sale. And it's a separate trip. I'm like, look, in St. Louis I can go into the grocery store and get every. You can get whiskey, beer, wine. I was shocked that there's states with these. They still. South Carolina still has that baby bottle.

Dan Soder (27:16)

That's crazy.

Kathleen Madigan (27:17)

In the bars where you get that. You get a.

Dan Soder (27:20)

They just give you a little airport airplane.

Kathleen Madigan (27:22)

Yeah. And they warn you, they're like, look, this is a shot and a half. So for every two drinks you drank, you really drank three. But I'm like, who, who is it? Strom Thurman. Who's in charge of this? That's still getting a kickback.

Dan Soder (27:35)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (27:35)

From the tiny bottle.

Dan Soder (27:36)

Well, I own my tiny bottling company and that's why I've been getting my money since the 1896 when I was born.

Kathleen Madigan (27:43)

But it is somebody in Denver used to to take to on stage. He goes. I like to walk down the middle of the plane and go, oh, I'm a giant. I'm a giant. It's so stupid. It's funny.

Dan Soder (27:54)

There's nothing more alcoholic than someone side sipping a tiny bottle. And then you're like, wow, you're hiding that. Wow, you are really.

Kathleen Madigan (28:03)

You got a real problem judge that you could shoot 10 of those and I'd be like, you good? You ready?

Dan Soder (28:09)

And it, it always blew my mind though when I moved to Arizona that I could buy just like beer at like, just the Texaco.

Kathleen Madigan (28:16)

A gas station. Yeah, right.

Dan Soder (28:17)

I just going to get a 12 pack because I was so used to Colorado. I think one of the first times with my fake ID I bought a 12 pack. I remember what it was. It was Milwaukee's best.

Kathleen Madigan (28:26)

Oh God.

Dan Soder (28:27)

And I drank an 18 pack in my dorm room watching football on a Saturday thinking, oh, it's like three, two beer. I bought it at a gas station and I was blacked out. Got caught. My RA opened the door and I was in a beanbag and there Was just beer cans. My roommate was like. My roommate in college was like, you're. There's beer cans all over the dorm room. And I was like, well, yeah, I was getting drunk, watching college football, and I just. I had one beanbag that the Milwaukee's best 18 pack was on, and I was on the other one. And I just kept taking them, drinking them and then putting them around me. And they were. I remember the guy opened the door and was like, come on, man. My R.A. was. Because the door was open and he was like asking about a hallway thing.

Kathleen Madigan (29:06)

He's like, he can't ignore that.

Dan Soder (29:07)

He's like, I gotta write you up. He goes, try to hide it. And I write me up if you want.

Kathleen Madigan (29:13)

Up till, like, when I moved to Nashville, this probably stopped five years ago. They still had a law. On Sundays I could buy wine. I did a big joke. I don't even remember the joke in my. That I could buy wine. No, I could buy beer, but not wine. And then I went into this whole thing about Jesus really liked wine. So I don't understand why if we're gonna pick an alcohol to sell on Sunday in his honor, if this is a Christian thing or a cat Baptist thing, it's all. It's always the Baptist.

Dan Soder (29:41)

Baptists want to take away all the fun.

Kathleen Madigan (29:42)

So this is what we did in Missouri.

Dan Soder (29:43)

Catholics just want to go.

Kathleen Madigan (29:45)

We upset about the fun. We want to make the fun and.

Dan Soder (29:48)

Then feel bad about it.

Kathleen Madigan (29:49)

Yeah, that's fine. The. The. They. We had to start out with River Boat. Emily. This is how we tricked the Baptist.

Dan Soder (29:54)

Okay?

Kathleen Madigan (29:55)

We told them you're going to get on a boat. So it's really going to be like a dinner cruise. And it's three hours and there's a maximum amount you can lose. And you got a card. So the way the card worked, you. You could maybe like. And don't think I haven't done it. Scrounge around to see if anybody left their cards and machines. Like, if you're out of money.

Dan Soder (30:11)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (30:12)

But I'm like, if you lose your 500 max in the first hour of the cruise on the Mississippi, the beautiful Mississippi bodies and logs. You are no longer in a casino. You're on a 500 boat. Right in the dark.

Dan Soder (30:24)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (30:25)

And you can't get off till it goes back. So then finally we were like, we tricked. That's. It's entry level things. You gotta entry level them. We entry. We got that going. Then we were like, ah, the boat's broke. Totally bullshitting.

Dan Soder (30:38)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (30:38)

Now the Boat doesn't have to move, so. And the Baptist kind of didn't notice. And then we're like, well, define a river.

Dan Soder (30:45)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (30:45)

And people just started like making ponds and then there's a Harrah's. I'm like, there was no river there. Are we just done with.

Dan Soder (30:54)

Flooded parking lot led to the Harrahs.

Kathleen Madigan (30:56)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (30:56)

With the.

Kathleen Madigan (30:57)

We just totally bypassed all their bullshit. It took like five years. Well, that's just full blown casinos in St. Louis.

Dan Soder (31:02)

But that's how they were with Kansas City too. Because you remember, I mean I remember when casinos first started coming to the United States outside of Vegas and Reno and. And they were going, it's for the Native Americans. They did like that thing.

Kathleen Madigan (31:14)

We didn't even have that in Colorado. Yeah.

Dan Soder (31:16)

Because Colorado, it's inescapable that you're on native land.

Kathleen Madigan (31:22)

Right.

Dan Soder (31:22)

You've like literally growing up there. You. I would find arrowheads playing. Like we'd be out in the field and you'd be like. You would lose your. Because you'd be like, I've had an arrow. Because you would find like a real, real one. Yeah, one.

Kathleen Madigan (31:36)

No, I found plenty of real ones in the woods in Missouri by the creek beds. They're always. By the creek beds.

Dan Soder (31:40)

Yeah, they're always washed up. Or in ours. It was a field where you could tell they were hunting. I lived like next to a large. Where I grew up in South. I grew up in Aurora. It was still undeveloped. So you would like go out and what we would do is we'd go look for bugs under rocks. That was like our. You know, we're like an eight year old boy.

Kathleen Madigan (31:57)

A snake there too.

Dan Soder (31:58)

Not. There weren't a lot of rattlers. That's why we were allowed to go. The snakes were all garden or they weren't poisonous.

Kathleen Madigan (32:04)

Okay.

Dan Soder (32:05)

Because that's why people from Colorado, there's like guys that you could probably trace them back to fur trappers in the 15th century. Like their family, they just know the land and they're like, there's no rattlers over there. You can go play. So we'd like. Yeah, but we'd go and we just lift up rocks and see the bugs and shit. And then like throw the. You just do dumb little boy shit. But you would find real ones. A real one, you would lose it. Keep it in your fight about it and be like, I saw it first. But then you grow up and you start learning history and you go, oh.

Kathleen Madigan (32:35)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (32:39)

This might have been. I don't think it was. I don't think it was Mission Viejo the whole time. Turns out that was built in the city 70s. But you go, I think this is. But then I remember in Colorado, they were like. With Blackhawk and a couple other places, they're like, hey, we're giving casinos, but it's to the Native Americans, so don't get any ideas. This is just so we can give them some money back.

Kathleen Madigan (32:59)

A lot of money back.

Dan Soder (33:00)

A lot of money back. And everyone, you know, at that time ever. No, there wasn't. So pinged left or right. So everyone went. Even the conservatives were like, that is a nice thing. Okay, we should do that. And then everyone.

Kathleen Madigan (33:12)

We didn't have any Indians to give it to, so we had to make up excuses.

Dan Soder (33:15)

Okay, well, that's what's funny is you watch the excuses they make because you go, it's. It's the equivalent of a guy trying to get laid.

Kathleen Madigan (33:22)

Ours was tax money for education.

Dan Soder (33:23)

Okay, there it is. That's what they did with legal weed.

Kathleen Madigan (33:25)

In Colorado, and I'm not sure they did that.

Dan Soder (33:28)

I just drove through Colorado. Their. The whole thing of their legal weed was 25% of it was supposed to go to roads and schools. No, Eastern Colorado's roads suck ass. So I don't think that's the case.

Kathleen Madigan (33:40)

Yeah, I don't. I don't know that we ever delivered any cash from the lottery or the casinos or, like, who are we kidding? We. This is Harrah's. This is a Vegas. Like, these aren't mom and pop, where somebody's gonna go, hey, you guys owe us, you know?

Dan Soder (33:54)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (33:55)

200 grand for last year now. But it works just to get it going.

Dan Soder (33:59)

It really is the.

Kathleen Madigan (34:00)

Did you see, by the way, this made me. Do you know this? This is Gaily. This guy, Dave Ramsey, the money guy out of Nashville. I saw that clip, the young men. I'm like, wait a second. He's very anti draftkings. He's anti.

Dan Soder (34:15)

So am I.

Kathleen Madigan (34:16)

Really?

Dan Soder (34:16)

Very.

Kathleen Madigan (34:17)

I love it.

Dan Soder (34:18)

I think it's gonna be worse to Americans than the opioid crisis.

Kathleen Madigan (34:22)

Really?

Dan Soder (34:23)

I think it's gonna ruin an entire.

Kathleen Madigan (34:24)

Generation, teach people how to build a better parlay. Why is everybody losing?

Dan Soder (34:29)

I'm gonna tell you right now, Kathleen, you are a different ilk. What your idea of gambling is, is not what this is. In the same way that I grew up smoking weed with sticks and seeds, that was like, actual weed. Whatever this is now is a psychotic agent. It's like they're. They're making it too powerful. Weeds gotten away from Itself.

Kathleen Madigan (34:48)

I think it's because of the visual. You mean like the algorithms that just keep.

Dan Soder (34:52)

I think right now, the way you grew up gambling and the way your family grew up gambling or anybody you.

Kathleen Madigan (34:57)

Knew gambled, but I gamble on my phone with things and all that, because.

Dan Soder (35:01)

I think you're a different generation. I think you grew up remembering the fear of a loan shark, okay? The fear of a bookie, the fear of, if I don't pay this, something dangerous is going to happen to me. That. That is not in their head. Well, what do they just go?

Kathleen Madigan (35:19)

What do they think is going to happen? They just go off their phone.

Dan Soder (35:22)

It's a video game. It's like them playing solitaire. It's like them doing anything, but they don't realize it's addictive. And you're going to lose your fucking house. You're going to lose your bank account. You're going to lose, I don't know.

Kathleen Madigan (35:30)

One person, like, all the off air.

Dan Soder (35:34)

I can, I can tell you five people. There's people in comedy that I know that have problems.

Kathleen Madigan (35:38)

See, I know the people in comedy that are the younger guys that are doing it, and maybe they're hiding it from me, but I haven't heard.

Dan Soder (35:44)

They're not, by the way, a problem. As. As someone that is an addict and knows addicts. They're not upfront about it. They're not going to see you and.

Kathleen Madigan (35:52)

Go, well, I know everything.

Dan Soder (35:53)

I can't handle my gambler.

Kathleen Madigan (35:55)

No. I know every gambler or smoker. We all lie about whatever. Like, oh, or even to ally. To the doctor. Like, I don't even care. Like, how do you drink socially? But I'm super duper social. You can't believe I'm social.

Dan Soder (36:09)

God. When they listed it, I did it for real one time I listed the amount of drinks I had.

Kathleen Madigan (36:13)

You can't do that.

Dan Soder (36:13)

And the doctor was like, dude, it was a free clinic. It's when I used to go to Bellevue, I used to drink 60 because I. I knew around every night I would have eight beers and eight shots because I was a. I was a shot in a beer guy.

Kathleen Madigan (36:25)

Oh, yeah.

Dan Soder (36:26)

So I knew about. I would do about eight or nine rounds. And one time I was just in a bad mood, hungover. And the doctor was like, how many drinks do you have in a week? And I was like, probably over like 115. And the guy was like, are you serious? And I was like, I don't know. Are we rounding down around it up?

Kathleen Madigan (36:43)

And he was like, I always was amazed at the Texas comics, a shot in a beer was their thing.

Dan Soder (36:48)

That's my thing.

Kathleen Madigan (36:48)

Their thing like I never even a.

Dan Soder (36:50)

Jameson and a cold Budweiser was oh my God.

Kathleen Madigan (36:53)

Jameson. Wow. Like I was thinking like a lemon drop.

Dan Soder (36:56)

Wow. I wanted a room vodka. Wanted a room temp. Jameson whiskey.

Kathleen Madigan (37:01)

You want to feel it go down.

Dan Soder (37:03)

And burn your warm. And then I have a cold beer to chase it.

Kathleen Madigan (37:07)

I see.

Dan Soder (37:07)

And I would do usually my hang was I would do probably like two rounds of shots in a beer, go outside, smoke a cigarette. Best cigarette in the world.

Kathleen Madigan (37:15)

Oh yeah, I bet.

Dan Soder (37:16)

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Dan Soder (39:31)

Nate Bargetzi and I, you know, he doesn't drink anymore and I don't drink any. But we're me, him and Joe List were like a drinking group when Nate lived in New York. And Nate would always say it. He'd go, if you cut out the shots, I think you could drink the rest of your life. And I went, I don't want to cut out the shots. Well yeah, I love the shots. Got to give the shots are why I'm here.

Kathleen Madigan (39:48)

What if you cut out the beer?

Dan Soder (39:50)

Tried it.

Kathleen Madigan (39:51)

What about a non alcoholic, real violent. What about a non alcoholic beer?

Dan Soder (39:55)

I drink na's all the time. I just couldn't drink it with alcohol because I would have.

Kathleen Madigan (39:59)

That's what I'm saying though. You could have kept your shots.

Dan Soder (40:01)

Yeah, but na beers when I quit 13 years ago, kind of gross. Sucked.

Kathleen Madigan (40:07)

My mom drank o' tools. I know it's gross. I was just like, I want to see what it tastes like.

Dan Soder (40:11)

Heineken zeros are awesome. Stella zeros are awesome.

Kathleen Madigan (40:15)

I think McGulture makes one now too. That's not bad.

Dan Soder (40:17)

Yeah. Athletic does a great non athlete. Like I can go to bars again because I can have non alcoholics. And I feel like I don't think.

Kathleen Madigan (40:27)

These kids know how to gamble. Right.

Dan Soder (40:29)

I think it's, I mean I'm not gonna be, I think it's an enabler, but I think it's infected sports. I would go farther and say, well, I, I think you don't like sports if you gamble. I don't think you're a true sports fan.

Kathleen Madigan (40:44)

Well, well no, here's the difference. This is where I would defend that like let I ca. If it's a game I truly care about, I do not bet on it.

Dan Soder (40:53)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (40:53)

Because I don't. Especially if I don't think my team's gonna win. I don't want to bet on the other team to win. And although it's kind of a cover your ass thing, but I, I it makes me interested in games I would not normally give a about. So does fantasy football. I feel like that has single handedly saved the NFL. Why the would I sit around and watch, I don't know, pick the Raiders play who's the second worst team.

Dan Soder (41:16)

The Titans, because you love football.

Kathleen Madigan (41:17)

No, no, they're horrible. There's no reason anyone would watch that game unless your child was playing. There would be no other goddamn reason. I know the guy who's the dad of one of the running backs on the Titans. He's like, yeah, I think I'm probably the only one still watching. I said, well, I go down there a lot. You know, I. It's just fun. There's a moonshine 10 and then. But all my friends are down there.

Dan Soder (41:40)

I think what it's done is. I don't think you're wrong. I think you're right about games. You don't give a shit. It's fun to put some skin on the game and care. I used to like that when I was sitting around with a friend and go, 20 bucks. I'll take, like, Keith Robinson and I used to do that. We wouldn't even use points. I just go down and we go, all right, I'm gonna pick three teams. You pick three teams.

Kathleen Madigan (42:00)

The winners, right?

Dan Soder (42:01)

Let's pick the winners and let's bet, let's cash. And then you got to come back down to the seller and give me my money. If I. If I win and vice versa, then.

Kathleen Madigan (42:09)

You might care about one of those games. It's a piece of game that you would not watch.

Dan Soder (42:12)

These kids now, though, they're on their phones non stop. Everyone's on their phones. These kids, it's everybody. Everybody's on their phone non stop. And we. It's all a trick to get us to feel dopamine. They don't care about us. They're trying to get us to stay on our phone as much as possible. So DraftKings isn't the same as the guy you knew in St. Louis running numbers, because you'd have to go to him and go, I want the Cardinals and I want the Brewers.

Kathleen Madigan (42:40)

And then you have a cousin for a loan. Yeah, I went through that.

Dan Soder (42:44)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (42:44)

Really? It was really my cousin coming to me when I was bartender going, kathleen, you wouldn't happen to have like an extra three grand? Yeah, I'm in college. I am bartending. I'm making $58 a night, Mike. But like, no, I don't. Yeah, I do. I have three grand sitting around. No, but you're like, what happened to you? But see, it happened to him back then. Yeah, he got in way too deep betting on baseball.

Dan Soder (43:07)

And I think you get that times a million with these apps. Because these apps you sign up, you link your bank Account. And now you're in it. And now they do these things where they have all these commercials. Every comp. Most comics I know are. Are sponsored by a gambling app. Do gambling at. And by the way, every comic that does a gambling app commercial, could you put a little effort into it?

Kathleen Madigan (43:31)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (43:31)

Jesus Christ.

Kathleen Madigan (43:32)

All pretty late.

Dan Soder (43:33)

I'm watching all my friends where they go where they're reading it like they're blind. This is every things ad that I see comics do. Hey, what's up, guys? I know you're really excited for that upcoming tournament. Don't forget to get fun action. All this. You pimp. You're just pimping your fans.

Kathleen Madigan (43:52)

I don't even think Jamie Foxx speaks. No, he just walks in a field of gold.

Dan Soder (43:56)

Kevin Hart.

Kathleen Madigan (43:57)

There's gold lighting and he's gold. The ones that I've seen where I'm.

Dan Soder (44:00)

Like, oh, and Kevin Hart and LeBron are being.

Kathleen Madigan (44:03)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (44:04)

Charming.

Kathleen Madigan (44:05)

You and all. Buddy. Buddy. Yeah.

Dan Soder (44:08)

I can't believe LeBron. What game did you bet on, Kevin Hart? You see it and you go, you're a billionaire. It was a joke that I put on YouTube. It's like, how much money is enough?

Kathleen Madigan (44:17)

What? Maybe we could bet on that. I don't know. I don't understand why they would take the gig. Except I think they might like it. Like, I love.

Dan Soder (44:25)

Then you should. You should.

Kathleen Madigan (44:27)

They should sponsor you speech for those people. That's a good ad because I'm passionate about it.

Dan Soder (44:31)

This is.

Kathleen Madigan (44:33)

Think about dopamine for the young people. I. I guess I get it. I don't feel like anything on my.

Dan Soder (44:38)

I'm just saying right now, you sound like the kind of person that goes, you should smoke in a hospital. It's a stress reliever. And then we're gonna grow up and go, remember when you thought smoking in hospitals was okay?

Kathleen Madigan (44:51)

I wanna have a show after intervention called the Enabler, where I teach you how to gamble. Do you know how many people I've taught how to gamble? I do know how many people I've taught how to play craps. And it is not fun for me to keep repeating this pattern of, here's how you play video poker. You should play double double bonus poker. Here's what you should do. You wanna go for four aces? Fuck the royal flush.

Dan Soder (45:09)

Let me tell you right now, that is what I loved about gambling culture. When I learned how to play blackjack, when I learned how to play craps, when I learned what a parlay was, when I learned.

Kathleen Madigan (45:23)

Watch out.

Dan Soder (45:24)

When I learned my. I had A couple friends that went to the. Went to unlv, so they lived in Vegas. So by your sophomore year at unlv, if you're a sports fan, you might as well run a sports book because you can just do like I would go up to Vegas and this is 2002 and I would go up there and they go, oh, we go to the off the strip sports book. Better odds. And then you go into this giant room in a mini mall and it's all these guys in velour.

Kathleen Madigan (45:50)

But it was better odds.

Dan Soder (45:52)

Way better.

Kathleen Madigan (45:53)

And yeah.

Dan Soder (45:54)

Affordable beers.

Kathleen Madigan (45:54)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (45:55)

And affordable food.

Kathleen Madigan (45:56)

Three dollar beers.

Dan Soder (45:56)

And you're sitting around watching and got a hot dog. And it is fun. But it was also the social aspect of having a beer and watching the game and then taking your ticket. That was my rule that I only bet on sports. If you can give me a ticket that I can walk to a. A game.

Kathleen Madigan (46:13)

Well, that's where.

Dan Soder (46:14)

Okay, so when I go to Vegas, I gamble like a. On sports.

Kathleen Madigan (46:17)

You go to the window.

Dan Soder (46:18)

I go right to the window. I know how to fill it out because I like having that shorthand. I have friends that worked at the horse tracks in high school.

Kathleen Madigan (46:25)

I was gonna say, you want it was.

Dan Soder (46:27)

That's gambling.

Kathleen Madigan (46:27)

Do you want to say I'm the smoke in the hospital lady who's still sitting in the horse racing book.

Dan Soder (46:33)

A lot of guys borgata. Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (46:36)

Well, it's all old people.

Dan Soder (46:37)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (46:38)

I don't even think young people and here's have a concept of horse racing and horse racing.

Dan Soder (46:42)

If you like gambling. Horse racing is.

Kathleen Madigan (46:46)

Yeah. I used to go to the track every Friday with my dad.

Dan Soder (46:48)

It's like wine. It's like you can bet on stuff and think, you know, you can drink wine with a nice Italian dinner and think, you know, red wine. But then when you get into wines really good. That's horse racing.

Kathleen Madigan (47:01)

Right.

Dan Soder (47:02)

Horse racing is like you're a sommelier of gambling because you go, I'm not only going to hit the trifecta, I'm going to go, yeah, I'm going to.

Kathleen Madigan (47:10)

Go for all daily double. But you also got to be able to read the racing form. Like runs well in the, in the mud. Like that's abbreviated. You need to know what all that.

Dan Soder (47:18)

I respect that I respect.

Kathleen Madigan (47:20)

It's an education.

Dan Soder (47:21)

I respect people that learn their vices. Like if you have a vice and you've learned about it, I respect the out of you. The reason I.

Kathleen Madigan (47:30)

One old man came up to me at the track one time. He goes, honey, let me See your. Let me see your program. And I opened it. He goes, go to page six. And it was a list of the jockeys. He goes, dave Gall. See that name? Dave Gall. He's gonna win two races every night of his goddamn life. Here. Put all your money on all the races. Just bet on Dave Gaul. And I thought, is he right? Like, why would he come up? Yeah, like a saint. Like, it was like an angel. Because I'm an angel.

Dan Soder (47:55)

I'm Ron Gall. I'm Dave's brother. Guy needs a good pr. He's little Eddie.

Kathleen Madigan (48:00)

The dude was right.

Dan Soder (48:01)

He was.

Kathleen Madigan (48:01)

Yes, he was right. Like, what? I didn't. I'm bad at math.

Dan Soder (48:04)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (48:05)

So I was like, well, wait, if I bet, you know, I didn't have any money. Like 20 a race. And that's times 10. That's 200. What if the races. He doesn't pay, you know, you got to make sure you pick the one where he wasn't favorited. It's very complicated. This is where I will agree with you on though this make. Because you're talking about getting the ticket. So things. Occasionally it'll go, hey, Kathleen, looks like you made a shitty bet. You want to get out of it for 30 bucks? Like, let's say I bet 200 and it's clear I'm going to lose. Well, kind of clear to them.

Dan Soder (48:36)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (48:36)

They're like, they offer me an out.

Dan Soder (48:38)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (48:38)

But I think that was to appease the Baptist. And because then you can.

Dan Soder (48:41)

It's always the Baptist, Kathleen. Man hates the Baptist.

Kathleen Madigan (48:45)

I love.

Dan Soder (48:46)

He goes, let me tell you what. First stop John and everyone after it.

Kathleen Madigan (48:51)

I love their food, but they have wonderful Sunday food. But I think that was to say, oh, well, we'll let people get out of there. But I said, can you imagine walking up to a cage in Vegas? Let's say I bet on the cowboys and I put 500 bucks on the cowboys to win. And it's clear they're getting their asses kicked. And if I walked up to a cage in Vegas and go, man, I really up on this one. Is there any way I can get like 80 bucks back?

Dan Soder (49:13)

Oh, my God. The black. The black lady with tropical nails behind the thing would go, I don't know what the you're talking about, but that is not how we do things here at the mgm.

Kathleen Madigan (49:24)

I ain't got the time. Yeah, next.

Dan Soder (49:26)

Next. Do you want me to color them or not? Are you here to color some chips or not?

Kathleen Madigan (49:30)

But it is weird that they. The first time that ever came up on my phone, I was like, what, you're gonna let me out of a bet with some of my money back? Not much. It's usually like a pittance. Like, if you bet a hundred, they're gonna give you 18. Well, eight.

Dan Soder (49:44)

But that's what. That's.

Kathleen Madigan (49:46)

That's tricky.

Dan Soder (49:46)

That's drug dealer.

Kathleen Madigan (49:47)

That's trickery. I agree. That's drug dealer. Should be ax from the thing. I don't.

Dan Soder (49:51)

And it is. I think if you're gonna gamble, it should be social. I don't think it should be on your phone where you can lock it away, where you can keep it secret. And I also think it's.

Kathleen Madigan (50:01)

But maybe that's because you drank alone.

Dan Soder (50:03)

Yeah, I know. I drank alone a lot. I love drinking a lot. I love drinking a lot. But you're right. It's probably me projecting that. But I would say another theory of mine is that poser culture has taken over the United States. So people, if you used to want to get into something like comedy, you go hang out at the Funny Bone, and you learn how to do open mics, and then you'd be around it.

Kathleen Madigan (50:27)

And watch it and watch it, and.

Dan Soder (50:28)

Then you learn how to do it. Then you fail, and then you become friends with people like Lewis Black and Ron White, who are. And you guys are all. All three of you guys, legends in stand up because you spent years doing a road. I was in this gig, and I.

Kathleen Madigan (50:39)

Did this, and we lived together. That's why I have such good old friends, because we lived in these comedy condos randomly. You just get assigned to two more people every week.

Dan Soder (50:47)

Crunchy carpet.

Kathleen Madigan (50:48)

And for whatever reason, like, I was always with Ron. Why are Foxworthy one of those two? I'm like a Bill Engel. That's where the beer in the shot. Beer in the shot, Ron. Beer in a shot. I'm like, is everyone in Texas this drunk? Because I've seen you drink 16 beers, Ron. I've seen you and you.

Dan Soder (51:05)

Ron likes the motherfucking side.

Kathleen Madigan (51:07)

And you're smoking cigarettes with me and the weed and. And he did quit drinking, though. I will give Ron.

Dan Soder (51:12)

He drinks Stella zeros. Yeah, when I. Whenever I go to the mothership, there's still the zeros. And I always make sure I don't drink too many because I know Ron. Those are Ron's.

Kathleen Madigan (51:19)

But then he came up to my house, and he was there for, like, a week. And I said to my younger brother, he goes, how's Ron doing with the not drinking? I go, good. But this was Right when he quit. So my mom went through rehab and all this stuff. So I get. I do get the addiction they get. I go, but he's, like, quadrupled down on the weed, and. And now he's kind of boring. He just kind of stares off into space.

Dan Soder (51:37)

Yeah. But if you could ride those thoughts, well, you'd have no idea.

Kathleen Madigan (51:40)

Well, he's having a wonderful time on my porch, but I'm sitting here waiting to go do something. Like, come on, let's take the boat out. Let's go fishing. Like, you want to go golfing? I said, would it be bad to tell a lifelong friend, could you just drink, like, three beers? Like, yeah. I would never. I would never.

Dan Soder (51:56)

There are friends of mine that still do that.

Kathleen Madigan (51:57)

He leveled out, but I get it. You quit something he needed. Needed to triple down for a hot minute.

Dan Soder (52:01)

You just need to. You know what you need to do?

Kathleen Madigan (52:03)

You.

Dan Soder (52:04)

You're just moving out of something, so you got to put all your stuff on something else until it's gone, and then you move it back.

Kathleen Madigan (52:10)

Well, he went to the Costa Rican jungle. And I go, do you think this is a good idea at 60 something to go to a jungle?

Dan Soder (52:18)

I like it.

Kathleen Madigan (52:18)

Where there's no medical help anywhere around, and you're a giant man who could have a heart attack. And I'm not predicting that. I'm just saying these are things. It worked, though. He came back. I said, well, what did we learn on our Hiawathista?

Dan Soder (52:33)

Oh, you did ayahuasca?

Kathleen Madigan (52:34)

Oh, yeah. Any in a bucket?

Dan Soder (52:36)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (52:37)

It sounds awful.

Dan Soder (52:38)

Yeah, it sounds horrible.

Kathleen Madigan (52:39)

Horrific.

Dan Soder (52:39)

Every time I've talked to somebody about it, they're like, you lay on the ground and puking for, like, cry for three days.

Kathleen Madigan (52:45)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (52:46)

But then they basically tell you, you ring it all out of you.

Kathleen Madigan (52:49)

Maybe.

Dan Soder (52:49)

So when you come back.

Kathleen Madigan (52:50)

Well, he had tried everything else, and I do get it. He's like, maddie, I. I've been every other. I can't. I'm not going back and sitting in Betty Ford or whatever. Whatever. But I said, what did you learn? He goes, here's what I learned. Did you know there's such thing as real Holler monkeys? I go, yes. I watch the nature channel a lot. He goes, no, I mean, they're loud. Even the other monkeys are like, shut the up. And I said, that's all you remember. Two weeks in a Costa Rican jungle.

Dan Soder (53:18)

If you're shooting and puking and there's monkeys screaming, you get annoyed.

Kathleen Madigan (53:22)

I always think you might be a little terrified. Like, they're that angry and loud.

Dan Soder (53:27)

They're going, stop puking.

Kathleen Madigan (53:28)

And.

Dan Soder (53:29)

And the monkeys are like, stop. That's what they're screaming about. But I think, like, to my point of p. Like, poser culture, taking.

Kathleen Madigan (53:38)

What do you mean by that?

Dan Soder (53:39)

I mean that, like, you can just be a poser now. You can just go like, I'm a standup comedian, and put clips of you doing standup. But you've never done it. You didn't go to an open mic. You didn't go learn the thing.

Kathleen Madigan (53:49)

Well, where would your clip be from then?

Dan Soder (53:50)

Just. You go into a comedy club and you go, hey, I got 500, 000. You know, you could be a streamer.

Kathleen Madigan (53:55)

You mean, like, go up on open mic night?

Dan Soder (53:57)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (53:57)

But you're not really trying to be a comedian or.

Dan Soder (54:00)

What I've seen in clubs is these people that have huge social media followings that are like, influencers. And then they go, well, I'm gonna do stand up because I can. Because an agent goes, you know which money you can make if you sell out helium Thursday?

Kathleen Madigan (54:13)

And then. Are they doing it?

Dan Soder (54:14)

Yeah, but they're horrible.

Kathleen Madigan (54:15)

I haven't seen, like.

Dan Soder (54:17)

It's bad. It's real bad.

Kathleen Madigan (54:18)

But I mean, like, everybody in Nashville that goes up on a new material Monday. Because I went down a lot after Covet. I'm like, I need to remember how to do my act.

Dan Soder (54:25)

Sure.

Kathleen Madigan (54:25)

To see again. Like, I. Because when I'm off, I'm off.

Dan Soder (54:28)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (54:29)

There's no comedy happening. I'm off. I'm fishing or golfing. And I was like. But I felt like every. But I don't really know their process. I've never asked Dorf. Everybody that went up was trying.

Dan Soder (54:39)

Well, that's like open mic, but it's.

Kathleen Madigan (54:41)

Not LA or New York.

Dan Soder (54:42)

I think. I think I'm being. I'm not talking about open mics. I'm talking specifically about people that jump into stand up from like, tick tock. Yes.

Kathleen Madigan (54:49)

Okay. I know there's names and they put them in big theaters.

Dan Soder (54:52)

Yes.

Kathleen Madigan (54:52)

Well, they're all getting demoted, though. I call them the one lappers. You get one lap around the country.

Dan Soder (54:56)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (54:57)

I hope you saw every zoo you wanted to go to, because you ain't going back on somebody else's dime. Yeah, you're gonna have to pay to go back and go to that Omaha zoo that you miss with the best gorilla exhibit in the United States.

Dan Soder (55:06)

That Omaha zoo is great.

Kathleen Madigan (55:08)

It's great.

Dan Soder (55:09)

But there is.

Kathleen Madigan (55:10)

They all are dropping those, so it's not working. I know what you mean.

Dan Soder (55:14)

But that's what I mean of it gets people into a thing that you used to have to learn or be interested in to get into. And that's what I mean about gambling. Gambling used to be, hey, my uncle runs numbers.

Kathleen Madigan (55:24)

A culture.

Dan Soder (55:24)

Oh, do you want to learn? It was a culture. That's exactly what it is. It feels like the culture in the United States is. Is all turned into something marketable and flimsy. And it's like a cardboard sake of it. It's not to do it anymore.

Kathleen Madigan (55:37)

It's not.

Dan Soder (55:38)

You're gambling because you like to gamble, because you grew up around people gambling. You kind of knew how it all worked. You kind of. The intricacies of it. So you get a DraftKings tool. And it's great because you go, look at this convenience of this thing I've done my whole life, right?

Kathleen Madigan (55:50)

I'd have to call somebody before. And then, you know, I gotta call Bob and then his booker, Mike.

Dan Soder (55:56)

And my friend's dad was a.

Kathleen Madigan (55:57)

And we said a number. My. My grandpa's sister went to prison for this.

Dan Soder (56:02)

That's what I mean.

Kathleen Madigan (56:04)

And they. She got caught.

Dan Soder (56:05)

My friend's dad was a bookie. And I was like, like, do you miss it? And he's like, no.

Kathleen Madigan (56:09)

He's like, no, she loved it. She went back.

Dan Soder (56:11)

But he was like.

Kathleen Madigan (56:12)

And did it again. But it's funny, she just kept doing it. She never stopped.

Dan Soder (56:15)

He said, he said that and then I walked away and I go, hey, dad says he doesn't miss being a bookie. My friend went, he's still a bookie. Oh, God damn it. And it's like. Because that's how they kind of.

Kathleen Madigan (56:24)

But you know, we still need them. There are people who still like them. It's like the weed guy. Like when we became legal, none of my pothead friends go to those stores and they still have their weed guy. Ron is weed guy is probably 180 years old. I don't even know how. But Ron's had the same weed guy forever and ever and ever. He's like, nah, I wouldn't trust anybody but my weed guy.

Dan Soder (56:45)

Honestly, can I tell you, the thing I want out of success is not a mansion or. I mean, that would be nice. But I want a weed guy. I want what Ron is a weed guy because I have to go to the stores and stuff. But I want a guy that I know where he's growing it. I know what it is.

Kathleen Madigan (57:00)

And he's proud of it.

Dan Soder (57:01)

And he's proud of it.

Kathleen Madigan (57:02)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (57:02)

There are those guys out there.

Kathleen Madigan (57:03)

Yeah.

Dan Soder (57:04)

And it's just like, I need to find.

Kathleen Madigan (57:05)

I surprised in Colorado there weren't a bunch. Oh, there were before the stores open.

Dan Soder (57:10)

Oh, my God. You go to Boulder. That was the thing. You go up to Boulder, Colorado, and you get, like, fantastic weed. You get, like. Because that's all the hits I like.

Kathleen Madigan (57:18)

About weed people, too, because they're always so generous and nice, where they're like, kathleen, you want some weed? I got. Nah, I'm a waste of weed. I just fall asleep and don't think. I don't try at least once a year just to check, because it'd be less calories. It'd be better than drinking. And they're like, nah. But you probably grew up on that Missouri dirt weed. And you gotta have my weed. I go, that's like telling a baby, you gotta have my best whiskey. Don't do it. Just give the baby some. Well, they're not. They're just gonna pass out. That's exactly what's going. Keep your good weed. And I bet you whatever we smoked in high school was terrible. I'm sure.

Dan Soder (57:48)

I mean, I smoked. I remember.

Kathleen Madigan (57:50)

I don't even know if I got high.

Dan Soder (57:51)

I remember getting, like.

Kathleen Madigan (57:52)

I think it was just grab, like.

Dan Soder (57:53)

I remember getting, like, thick patties when I lived in Arizona. And you'd have to take the sticks.

Kathleen Madigan (57:58)

And steeds out of it and do.

Dan Soder (58:00)

It, and then, like, roll it. Roll, like, turn it into actual.

Kathleen Madigan (58:04)

A pile of pile.

Dan Soder (58:05)

And then you would put it. And then you would. And then that would begin the process of you putting it into something to smoke. But then it got so, you know, commercialized and everything like that, with Colorado and everybody legalizing it now that. Now you go in and you go, like, I don't even know if I trust this.

Kathleen Madigan (58:21)

So you want a culture to come back.

Dan Soder (58:23)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (58:23)

You want to get. Okay. You think I want smoking in hospitals? You want back rooms with like.

Dan Soder (58:28)

Like, yes.

Kathleen Madigan (58:28)

Thuggy.

Dan Soder (58:29)

Yes.

Kathleen Madigan (58:30)

Mafia people.

Dan Soder (58:30)

Yeah, you.

Kathleen Madigan (58:31)

You up Will hurt you.

Dan Soder (58:32)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (58:33)

Okay.

Dan Soder (58:33)

I want the risk. I want the risk. Okay, Bring the risk back.

Kathleen Madigan (58:37)

That's your dopamine.

Dan Soder (58:38)

Take the condom off. I want the risk.

Kathleen Madigan (58:39)

You want the dopamine.

Dan Soder (58:41)

I want people to gamble knowing the risk of it instead of just going, I don't know. I just filled out a parlay on it. Hit. And it's also, like, man, it makes everything suck. I watch espn, and I'm, like, watching the NFL playoffs, and I'm having a great time watching the playoff, and then they're like, and don't forget, these are our three prop bets of the week. And you go, you shouldn't even be saying prop bets.

Kathleen Madigan (59:06)

Well, I'm surprised they can't. Yeah. I am always shocked when they go into the gambling part because I was like, oh, I thought we were keeping all that.

Dan Soder (59:13)

No.

Kathleen Madigan (59:13)

Separate. We're not. I know.

Dan Soder (59:15)

That's my whole problem is like, fantasy football was the blowjob to get you to gambling. It just took a lot.

Kathleen Madigan (59:23)

I love that, too.

Dan Soder (59:24)

But fancy football leagues, because. Do you remember dragons was originally fantasy football.

Kathleen Madigan (59:29)

Yes.

Dan Soder (59:29)

And they went out loud. And you can find it several times with, we're not gambling. This is just fantasy football. And then they went, gambling's legal. And they went, yeah, we're gambling. They just immediately were like, we're just setting you up. You were setting you motherfuckers up to be gambling. And it is like, listen, I don't fault all my friends who do the shit, because it is money that helps you with this stuff. Some people, I go, I don't think you need money. You know what I mean? But I understand people that do use the sponsorship. I just think we're headed towards calamity.

Kathleen Madigan (60:09)

What's next? What? What? Define calamity. What do you. What do you see happening?

Dan Soder (60:13)

Like, kids going, kids, 20 somethings, 20 something years old, having no credit, blowing their credit, will never be able to buy a house, will never be able to buy a car, will never be able to fucking buy anything. Because when there were 23. When I was 20, when I was 18 years old, I went to a NHL playoff hockey game. The. The Coyotes were now the Utah Hockey Club. And I went, Mammoths. What's that?

Kathleen Madigan (60:40)

They're the Mammoths.

Dan Soder (60:41)

Oh, are they? Oh, they changed to the Mammoths.

Kathleen Madigan (60:44)

I like it.

Dan Soder (60:45)

Arizona got ripped off. They were a good fan base.

Kathleen Madigan (60:48)

Yeah, they really.

Dan Soder (60:49)

Phoenix was a good NHL fan base.

Kathleen Madigan (60:51)

They did.

Dan Soder (60:51)

And they got over on.

Kathleen Madigan (60:52)

Yep. That stadium was too far away, though.

Dan Soder (60:54)

Yeah, it was.

Kathleen Madigan (60:55)

Or the rink.

Dan Soder (60:55)

It was. It was. But I went. And 18, drinking, beers, hockey, having a great time, Walked by one of those credit card booths.

Kathleen Madigan (61:05)

You did not. You signed up.

Dan Soder (61:07)

Signed up, got a credit card, went on ebay, went online. This one, like, I was. This is 2002. Online shopping was, like, pretty new.

Kathleen Madigan (61:17)

Forget.

Dan Soder (61:17)

Maxed out to credit card, had no money, chased. Got chased by that debt for like seven years.

Kathleen Madigan (61:26)

It's also up. They put them on college campuses. So once up, my brother.

Dan Soder (61:30)

This is a way worse version.

Kathleen Madigan (61:31)

I get it. My brother is a financial advisor person. And at One point, I was trying to buy a house, and he. I said, I don't know, Pat. There's something wrong with my credit. Whatever, blah, blah. Like, I don't. I said that. He goes, man, you gotta quit doing shots at this bar, Banana Republic. I go, it's a store, Pat. It's not a bar. How about putting alcohol? He goes, how many bras? How many bras did you buy that you got the credit card? I said, I took it anywhere they offered it. Yeah, I'd be like, hey, it's 28 off if you. Why wouldn't I.

Dan Soder (62:04)

Why would.

Kathleen Madigan (62:05)

And he's like, you got to get rid of, like, half of the. Like. But my parents should have taught us that. They did not.

Dan Soder (62:11)

But they never. Here's the deal is we put too much on the parents to teach you not to do that when there's like. Like there's people outside of your house that are waiting for you to.

Kathleen Madigan (62:21)

Well, I don't think my parents knew that they were at.

Dan Soder (62:24)

My mom didn't even know I had a credit card. And then, you know, I was paying for everything. I paid for my own college. I paid for everything. And then I called my mom, and I'm like, I maxed out. It was eleven hundred dollars. That was how much? I maxed out the credit card for 1100.

Kathleen Madigan (62:36)

That was probably the end of the world.

Dan Soder (62:38)

And my mom went, what the. How did you get a credit card? And I was like. I was drunk at a Phoenix Coyotes game.

Kathleen Madigan (62:44)

And you only think. I think you only have to be 18.

Dan Soder (62:46)

I was 18. You had to be 18 years old to sign up.

Kathleen Madigan (62:48)

So are they on campuses?

Dan Soder (62:49)

Yeah, should be 18. And you sign up. So I signed up. Got. And I just remember talking to the guy at the. At the agency that was coming for the money, and he was like, listen, man.

Kathleen Madigan (63:02)

Well, there's your dopamine. You want a guy that's gonna come hurt you?

Dan Soder (63:04)

And he did.

Kathleen Madigan (63:05)

He got it.

Dan Soder (63:06)

And he was like, you're. He's like, you're. Until you pay this off. Off.

Kathleen Madigan (63:10)

And you're gonna be after that, because they know about it for, like, five more years.

Dan Soder (63:13)

And Bobby Kelly was the first person that helped me get my credit back when I started headlining, Bobby Kelly was like, all right, dude. My credit was. Here's what you do. Get an American Express card because you have to pay it off, right? He's like. And have it linked to Delta Sky Miles and take as many Delta flights as you can. It's best advice I ever got. Fiscally, in Comedy. I got my credit out of the. And I got, like, status. I got a bunch of.

Kathleen Madigan (63:39)

So you think the things the parents don't even know. The 18 year old signing up?

Dan Soder (63:43)

No idea.

Kathleen Madigan (63:44)

Or is it 21?

Dan Soder (63:46)

I know it might be 21. You can be 18. I, I don't know. I want to look that up before I say anything publicly, but I would say.

Kathleen Madigan (63:53)

I think, I would think it'd be 21.

Dan Soder (63:55)

Right, but it's similar, dude. It's very similar to like.

Kathleen Madigan (63:59)

And their parents don't know.

Dan Soder (64:00)

No. Well, I know people who's, who's, whose significant others don't know that they have.

Kathleen Madigan (64:05)

Well, I know more of that. I know a lot of dudes on the road that are like, hey, when shows up, don't mention the parlays. And yeah, I got it, I got it. But.

Dan Soder (64:14)

And I'm always here versus young people.

Kathleen Madigan (64:17)

Well, these guys are fairly young too, but I mean, the married people, I know there's a lot of hiding and a lot of going on, but single guys, comics on the road, I don't, I don't know. I just don't see any despair.

Dan Soder (64:29)

Listen, if you got 500 bucks, this is how I feel about casinos too. If you got 500 bucks to go blow at a casino, go blow. 500 bucks. I don't give a. When you're taking your something that's reserved for something else because you go, I can win that back. I can win that. Oh, they're gonna give me 30 bucks if the bet went wrong. It's just built for these guys to get sucked in and then have no way out. But it's not. Is my favorite line from Dirty Work when chevy chases the doctor. The Norm MacDonald movie, Dirty Work. I don't know if you've ever seen it.

Kathleen Madigan (65:01)

I don't remember.

Dan Soder (65:02)

It's great. It's him and Artie. It's him and Artie Lang and they do a revenge business. But Chevy Chase is a doctor and he's a gambling addict. And he keeps bringing up things he gambles on. And he goes, I don't know, you know, the bills. Something, something. Rocky in the second fight of Rocky 3. And Norm MacDonald goes. You bet against Rocky in a Rocky movie? Because hindsight's 20 20, my friends. But he has this line that always makes me laugh where he goes, you know the crazy thing about these bookies? You lose the money, you pay them back, they still break your legs. And it's like, but that's. A broken leg will heal, but your credit might not Ever.

Kathleen Madigan (65:38)

It could be a seven year journey of undoing all that.

Dan Soder (65:41)

And it's just because you watched Kevin Hart throw a touchdown pass to LeBron on a sound stage going, bam. Sign up today, get 300 for free. And then you're like. And then you're. And then you're just. And you can't go to Kevin Hart and go, hey, let me get that 7k I lost.

Kathleen Madigan (65:59)

Because, you know, I don't even think they're thinking about that. I had never thought about it, honestly, till the Dave Ramsey tweet came out where he was like, we're poisoning it. But here's the other thing. Dave Ramsey, he's a piece. Mr. Covid. Everybody has to come to work, old people included. I don't care if you die, Ramsey. You are the party of personal responsibility. So you can't be saying this because you're the one that says, okay, okay, Dave. And how about alcohol? How about. How about weed now? I mean, what. Which is the worst? Is it gambling? Is it alcohol? Is it. We could go on and on and on. You can't just pick my favorite and say, it's gotta be knocked off the list. Fucking take weed off. I don't give a shit. Take oxy. I don't care about pills. Take those off the list.

Dan Soder (66:42)

Fuck them. Why not? I can take pills fine. I was addicted to Perks when I was 14, but I.

Kathleen Madigan (66:48)

My mom has a closet full of Darva set. They don't even make that anymore. But those. Those pills still work.

Dan Soder (66:53)

Let me tell you, right?

Kathleen Madigan (66:55)

I could go in there and eat a thousand today.

Dan Soder (66:57)

There's one time I was at my grandma's and I found a thing of something called something sand. And I looked and I was like, sedative. And I was trying to quit drinking. I took one of my grandma's pills and I was like, ew, what is this? And she was like that. Do you know where my medication was for after I had kidney surgery? It was like, to calm her down. And I was like, oh, I took one of them bad boys and melted into the couch. But then I learned my lesson because I go, you don't go digging around Nana's medicine cabinet.

Kathleen Madigan (67:24)

No, it don't say anything that ends with Pam.

Dan Soder (67:26)

Pam.

Kathleen Madigan (67:28)

Every pill ever. And she's like, telling you what, Madigan? If you can get it, take anything with the ends in Pam. I'm like, because you are a drug addict. Yeah, they're all just melting to the couch. If it ends in Pam, you're gonna be sleepy.

Dan Soder (67:42)

Well, you Take. I remember because I was still smoking cigarettes. It was like. There was a. There was like four months that I quit drinking and I still smoked cigarettes. And I was at my grandma's house in the Bay Area, her townhouse. And that's when I did it. And I remember it was like college basketball or something was on. And I went. And I went, like, watching this, like, Louisville game. And I was like, I gotta smoke a cigarette. I smoked a cigarette and I came back in and I was like, I feel like a trillion dollars. And then the next thing I know, I slept on the couch for like eight hours.

Kathleen Madigan (68:13)

The office. The opposite of cocaine.

Dan Soder (68:15)

It was wild. It was. But honestly, when I was outside smoking, because I remember in a little courtyard in a townhouse, just feeling, like, fantastic.

Kathleen Madigan (68:23)

Being, like, all loosey goosey.

Dan Soder (68:25)

I might. I remember doing that thing of going, like, I might take the whole bottle with me. Like, this is what's up. And then I went back in the past. But my thing is just, I don't want to poison my young brother.

Kathleen Madigan (68:39)

What about porn on the phone? I mean, yeah, I. Listen, man, I don't.

Dan Soder (68:43)

I can handle my porn on my phone. I'm not addicted to it. I just saying.

Kathleen Madigan (68:47)

But where. Where are we drawing a line here?

Dan Soder (68:51)

Yeah, I think we are. Because I think if you look at. Just open your eyes to it, start seeing how in everything.

Kathleen Madigan (68:59)

I'm gonna look at every opening X phone when they. When they go on stage. I'm looking at their DraftKings account, by the way. See how in debt they are.

Dan Soder (69:05)

They're doing a different thing when they were doing a thing called. Have you seen that? No. There's a. There's new stuff where you can gamble on. During the Golden Globes, they were doing a thing where they're like, if you think you know the winner, sign up for this gambling app and bet on the winner of the best actress in a comedic series. That's straight up gambling addict behavior. That's like, when the guy's like, ah, I'm going to. I'm going to gamble. Gamblers Anonymous. And they said, I can't gamble. You want to gamble on if I'll keep going? It's like that level. We're getting to like, oh, come on.

Kathleen Madigan (69:40)

One more. Why do you. Why do you think it's actually poison sports? Like, why does that affect how someone's playing? Do you believe it's fixed for all this?

Dan Soder (69:47)

Yes.

Kathleen Madigan (69:48)

Oh, my gosh. You guys believe all that? Here's my thing with.

Dan Soder (69:51)

I believe you are going to find out in years. Because also, it's already been proven that the NBA had refs gambling on it with that whole Patrick Dongan or Donovan guy.

Kathleen Madigan (69:59)

Yes, we. Right. But I mean, look at the money they were accepting. It was.

Dan Soder (70:03)

I have a friend.

Kathleen Madigan (70:05)

Change.

Dan Soder (70:05)

All right. I'll put it like this. I have a friend that is an NFL coach. He just got fired from the Miami Dolphins. He was the head coach of the Miami Dolphins.

Kathleen Madigan (70:13)

I know. I. I know who that is.

Dan Soder (70:14)

Mike. Mike McDaniel.

Kathleen Madigan (70:16)

Yeah. I don't.

Dan Soder (70:16)

I grew up with him since seventh grade. I've known him. He's been a coach in the NFL for 20 years. I watched him as a coach level up in ranks or whatever. There is an immediate difference from when gambling apps hit. He gets death threats. His family gets death threats. People around him. And the NFL wants to keep this on the low. These players and coaches are receiving death threats because people.

Kathleen Madigan (70:45)

But it. The Phillies in. Back in the 80s or 90s, that pitcher had to leave town. The guy who lost the World Series.

Dan Soder (70:51)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (70:52)

Game. He had a move. Why is that any different than what we're saying now?

Dan Soder (70:55)

Because it's every player. Now. It's every player.

Kathleen Madigan (70:58)

It's not Bill Buckman because it's fantasy. I get it.

Dan Soder (71:02)

It's all. Because it's everywhere now. It's not. It's not Steve Bartman going over in the Cubs and knocking it over. And he's got to leave town because Cubs fans are like, you. You ruined our chance for a World Series. It's a. It's Raiders, Titans. No one gives a. Now, Cam Ward's family didn't get. Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (71:22)

Back then.

Dan Soder (71:23)

So, yeah. So we're going to see that.

Kathleen Madigan (71:25)

I can see that.

Dan Soder (71:25)

I found his wife.

Kathleen Madigan (71:26)

I do think with the fixing. If we're talking about scores, is how I say to my other brother, who's like a moron, I'm like, look, there's only two outcomes.

Dan Soder (71:35)

Yeah. Okay, that is true.

Kathleen Madigan (71:37)

Either they go over three boys or they fucking don't. It's your job to figure out how you think they fixed it. If you think it's fixed, we still have a 50, 50 chance of winning the bet. It's just which side.

Dan Soder (71:48)

I will tell you right now. I feel like the scientists that no one listens to in the beginning of the movie. I feel like the scientists with the crazy glasses and the weird hair that goes, that volcano's gonna erupt. And everyone goes, shut up, old man. This is the best beach resort in all of the world.

Kathleen Madigan (72:08)

You're coming into the party at 10 o' clock when I'm 17 and you're calling the cops who all gotta run and leave the yard. Hop a goddamn fence.

Dan Soder (72:14)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (72:15)

You're the man.

Dan Soder (72:15)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (72:16)

I'm saying I don't give another keg. I need 20 solo cups. We're going before my parents get home at midnight.

Dan Soder (72:23)

Drink fast and right. And then when you. When if you listen to me and you don't go down with these and you actually can hopefully buy a house if the housing market.

Kathleen Madigan (72:33)

Are we gonna find out is there gonna be like Gamblers anonymous over pack.

Dan Soder (72:37)

There's gonna a lot of suicide. There's going to be a lot of heroin use. There's going to be a lot of crime. There's going to be a lot of.

Kathleen Madigan (72:43)

Do you think this will come.

Dan Soder (72:44)

I'll tell you this.

Kathleen Madigan (72:45)

A player actually getting hurt or a coach actually getting hurt?

Dan Soder (72:48)

Yes, I think someone will get hurt. I think a player will get hurt because of someone's gambling debt. I, I, I, I don't want to promise that because it's a horrible thing to promise.

Kathleen Madigan (72:57)

Right.

Dan Soder (72:57)

But I think that will happen.

Kathleen Madigan (72:59)

Encourage those.

Dan Soder (72:59)

I've heard rumors that people are joining ICE because of gambling debt. What? Because they're getting a fifty thousand dollar bonus.

Kathleen Madigan (73:06)

Oh, you do.

Dan Soder (73:06)

And it pays off their gambling debt immediately.

Kathleen Madigan (73:09)

Is it true that ice is only down to 47 days of training?

Dan Soder (73:12)

I don't know. That's some where you can't even believe the news anymore.

Kathleen Madigan (73:15)

But I think all I know is bartending school. Six weeks.

Dan Soder (73:19)

Dude.

Kathleen Madigan (73:19)

Just. Just saying.

Dan Soder (73:21)

Outback. Outback. You had to do five follow shifts and that took at least six weeks. What are you talking about?

Kathleen Madigan (73:27)

You want to train an Applebee's cattle company? I had to be a trainee at Red Robin.

Dan Soder (73:32)

I had to learn what it was in the seasoning for at least. I don't know man. I just feel like I see what.

Kathleen Madigan (73:38)

You'Re saying and I, I'm empathetic to.

Dan Soder (73:40)

These people because I don't. I as someone that grew up without a dad that was misled a lot.

Kathleen Madigan (73:44)

Maybe you have to be over 40. Would that make you feel.

Dan Soder (73:48)

I would love that if they over 40 would be.

Kathleen Madigan (73:51)

Because you're saying anybody my age knows the old culture. Your age. You know the old culture. So we're already all in at the racetrack. This is an extra fun thing I have at the track.

Dan Soder (74:01)

Yeah, that's it.

Kathleen Madigan (74:02)

That's just an extra cracks family Vegas. I can't use DraftKings in the MGM sportsbook. But I can't Use their app either.

Dan Soder (74:08)

Yeah. It's funny, because they're going, no, you.

Kathleen Madigan (74:10)

Want me to get up. Up from this comfortable couch and walk way over there.

Dan Soder (74:14)

I'm giving the same company the money. It's the same company.

Kathleen Madigan (74:17)

He wants to do it.

Dan Soder (74:18)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (74:18)

Dan will do it. I'm staying right here. I got a cold beer. Somebody's gonna take this seat. You know they are.

Dan Soder (74:23)

Yeah, they are.

Kathleen Madigan (74:24)

Listen, sometimes you have to pay for those couches.

Dan Soder (74:26)

I know. I'm gonna. I know this sounds unfun, and I know this makes me sound like a nerd. I'm just saying we need to watch out because.

Kathleen Madigan (74:36)

And you personally know people.

Dan Soder (74:38)

Yeah. I can't say it on my podcast. Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (74:41)

Really?

Dan Soder (74:41)

It's not a thing where it's going like no one got damaged. It's.

Kathleen Madigan (74:47)

It's all very secretive then.

Dan Soder (74:49)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (74:50)

Like, I mean, maybe my nephews in their 20s are. I bet I know they have it.

Dan Soder (74:54)

I bet if you kick. I bet if you kick the tires around a little bit, you'll find out it's a lot more around than you thought it was.

Kathleen Madigan (75:00)

All right, I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start interviewing every comic.

Dan Soder (75:03)

We'll just go, like, do you. Or if you see they gamble, go. How often do you win? How often do you lose? I don't.

Kathleen Madigan (75:08)

Well, all gamblers lie about. Well, I don't lie. I'm like, no. If I get a royal flush, I'm like, yeah, it's four grand. It took me 8, 700 to see that.

Dan Soder (75:17)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (75:19)

This is how you know a real gambler. Like, I hit a royal flush once, and I went, finally. That's not the appropriate action to winning $4,000. That's not the emotion you're looking for. You're supposed to be going, yeah, I'm like, perhaps halfway back. It's gonna be a long night.

Dan Soder (75:36)

I think younger me is pretty bummed out that I have that opinion, you know, because I always wanted to be fun and, like, around and. Yeah. Gamble. And it just feels very nefarious how they're doing it.

Kathleen Madigan (75:49)

Well, I think the other way seems.

Dan Soder (75:51)

Nah, the other way's got character walking into a back.

Kathleen Madigan (75:54)

Fine line between character and nefarious. When you're walking in and your legs may be broken.

Dan Soder (75:59)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (75:59)

By some.

Dan Soder (76:00)

I'll tell you the nefarious. I think the mob is better than corporate America. Nefarious to me is corporate America with a smile on them.

Kathleen Madigan (76:07)

All right.

Dan Soder (76:07)

Because it's going like this. I understand there were. But there were terms and conditions and you signed the terms and conditions, and you have to understand something. We're gonna butt you in court versus a guy going, buddy, you don't got the money, I gotta break your legs. That's not nefarious to me. That's.

Kathleen Madigan (76:25)

Well, I feel like the mob is doing super nefarious things also with me. Like, we're all in it together. And I do not feel like the corporations, aside from us, I don't think they're doing anything nefarious on the. And their human resource department. Exactly.

Dan Soder (76:39)

They do that, like, clean.

Kathleen Madigan (76:40)

The mom doesn't have human resources.

Dan Soder (76:43)

Yeah, because they go like, oh, I understand that you're. I heard your app wasn't working. How can I help that? You. You don't want to help me. You want to take more of my money. If the mom. You know, that's like the mob going, you're a good guy. Yeah. You try hard. When they pat you on the head, that's the corporate going, like, I'm sorry.

Kathleen Madigan (77:02)

Well, sometimes the mob will give you one more chance. There's always the chance they might give you one more. Italians or Catholics. Come on, let's pray to St. Gabriel or whoever's in charge of gambling. Who's the second charge of gambling? Let's pray and go. Look, just give me one more baseball game. One more baseball. Baseball game. I'm so confident.

Dan Soder (77:20)

I do like, though, that you've pushed back and you've made very good points that, like, I could be responsibility. I could be Chicken Little right now.

Kathleen Madigan (77:29)

You could DoorDash six packs to your house. Is that bad?

Dan Soder (77:32)

No, you're right. It is. You could. You could take anything and make it bad. I just think we're headed for trouble. Some of us, Dave Ramsey, some of.

Kathleen Madigan (77:44)

Us build really good parlays. We put football with golf. That's the key. Listen to me.

Dan Soder (77:52)

You're going to retire from Stand up and have one of those green visors on and you go, have you seen Kathleen Manigan's new fucking gambling show? It's taken over.

Kathleen Madigan (77:59)

I was obsessed as, like a 21 year old. I wanted to be a pit boss. I was so obsessed with craps.

Dan Soder (78:05)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (78:05)

That. Well, really, I wanted to be a jockey. Because, like, I don't. People go, tiny, you. I know. I look super good in green satin. I mean, watch out, red hair. Come on. I already have my outfit picked out. I'm like, I'm gonna be that. Check the diamond print pattern. It's gonna be green and white. You already know what you're on track in Illinois. Cause people are like, with comedy, do you feel like, you know, your dreams came true? I'm like, this was not my dream. There might be some funny lady riding a horse somewhere right now. Because I thought I was gonna be a jockey. And then I thought I was gonna be a pit boss, but I can't do math.

Dan Soder (78:38)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (78:39)

Those guys are like fucking human computers. And then I wonder, like, my one nephew's autistic and he's super duper good at math. Not everybody is not putting everybody in that group.

Dan Soder (78:47)

Group.

Kathleen Madigan (78:47)

But I wonder how many of them were autistic. And that was just easy for them.

Dan Soder (78:51)

That's what.

Kathleen Madigan (78:51)

How do you look at that whole. On a Saturday night when they're. Every number's got money all over it and they know every chip. I'm like, because they're not posers.

Dan Soder (79:01)

Because they're in the culture. They know how to do it. They came up. They were dealers. They were. You know what I mean?

Kathleen Madigan (79:07)

I would just have loved it if I could do math quickly.

Dan Soder (79:10)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (79:10)

And accurately. I mean, I can't do it at all.

Dan Soder (79:12)

You'd be.

Kathleen Madigan (79:12)

If I could just do any of it.

Dan Soder (79:14)

I'd prefer if you were my pit boss. House. If you come over, you go like this. I don't know, Go on your phone.

Kathleen Madigan (79:24)

Yeah. You can play craps on your phone.

Dan Soder (79:26)

Now and we'll give you 30 bucks.

Kathleen Madigan (79:27)

See, I don't even know how to do that.

Dan Soder (79:29)

Yeah.

Kathleen Madigan (79:29)

Like, I know there's. I won't say his name, but there's a comic and he literally plays video poker on his phone. I don't even know. But is that real money?

Dan Soder (79:37)

Yeah. Gotta put money on there, you know.

Kathleen Madigan (79:40)

There was an interim, too. This will make you laugh. I remember my younger brother loves gambling too. And he's like, he, dude, I got this website in Bermuda.

Dan Soder (79:49)

That's what it is. The Bermuda website, by the way, was the beginning of it.

Kathleen Madigan (79:51)

Yes. I said, patrick, I don't feel like we're gonna get our money back. Yeah, we're just gonna send 500 bucks to some dude in Bermuda and that if I win the raider game, we really think he's gonna send me 800 back, my friend. But I ended up losing, so I never found out, my friend.

Dan Soder (80:11)

Well, your money's in the Bermuda.

Kathleen Madigan (80:13)

I hope somewhere it's somewhere in Bermuda. Some dude down there is very happy. Kathleen Madigan was that dumb.

Dan Soder (80:19)

Kathleen Madigan is one of the best stand up comics of all time. Her Amazon special of family thread is streaming now. Go watch it. You've always been so funny. And as a comic that loves this, it was an honor to have you on.

Kathleen Madigan (80:36)

Thank you. And I'll be watching embitting on the game tonight.

Dan Soder (80:39)

You will.

Kathleen Madigan (80:39)

Houston. Houston.

Dan Soder (80:41)

You got Houston in Pittsburgh with the weather.

Kathleen Madigan (80:43)

Nah.

Dan Soder (80:44)

Steelers. Steelers. Take the points. It's Steelers plus three and a half, which you're giving it to the home.

Kathleen Madigan (80:51)

You gotta wait on that, though. Don't bet yet. Wait till it's closer to time.

Dan Soder (80:54)

Let's drop. Let's do an old school bet. I'll just bet you offline.

Kathleen Madigan (80:59)

All right. I'll bet you offline and I'll mail it to you. I'll put it in paper like my grandma would do. I'll wrap in a lot of loose leaf paper so you'll have to unravel.

Dan Soder (81:07)

So they don't steal it. So the mailman doesn't steal it.

Kathleen Madigan (81:10)

I'll right. Exactly. They'll look through and.

Dan Soder (81:12)

Exactly. I still do communion.

Kathleen Madigan (81:14)

Money thieves.

Dan Soder (81:17)

You're the absolute best. Thanks so much for coming on.

Kathleen Madigan (81:19)

20 bucks.

Dan Soder (81:20)

Yeah. All right, 20 bucks.

Kathleen Madigan (81:21)

I have Houston, you at Pittsburgh. No points, just.

Dan Soder (81:23)

Just money line.

Kathleen Madigan (81:24)

Just pick and pull.

Dan Soder (81:25)

Let's go.