B (1:59)

I don't think they are dying. They' turning into this and I'm okay with that.

A (2:03)

You're okay with that? Because I'll say. By the way, let's work on the intro first. All right. You might have known him from his work. Many standup specials from the Late Late show and from my one of my favorite all time shows, the Drew Carey Show.

B (2:16)

Drew Cary Show. Thank you for Craig Ferguson. Great show.

A (2:20)

Criminal.

B (2:21)

Unbelievable, right?

A (2:22)

Criminal.

B (2:23)

Not remembered the way it should be.

A (2:24)

Let me tell you what it did.

B (2:26)

Right.

A (2:26)

It made me a huge fan of every single person on the cast. There wasn't a weak spot. That show.

B (2:33)

No.

A (2:34)

You. You and Mimi is in the office. And then the friends. Still pals.

B (2:38)

You know, Kathy and I. Still pals.

A (2:39)

Really? Kathy is one of the best. And when you have her on this podcast, I would love to have.

B (2:44)

She is so funny.

A (2:45)

Yeah.

B (2:45)

She's like.

A (2:46)

She's.

B (2:46)

She's the. One of the best improvisers I've ever seen.

A (2:49)

Why do you think the show doesn't get remembered as one of the greatest shows of all time? Because I would argue it's up there for me. And I mean this. You know, I base a show on how much I love it by how much I want to watch it when I'm sick.

B (3:03)

Okay.

A (3:03)

And I would say the Drew Carey show is up there with Seinfeld for me as a show that I can put on and enjoy while being in a lot of pain.

B (3:12)

Do you find that. And I found this with Seinfeld, that after all the curb your enthusiasms.

A (3:18)

Yeah.

B (3:19)

Seinfeld is even funnier.

A (3:20)

Yeah. Because you realize that it's. It's Larry. You really realize Larry's George, which I think watching Seinfeld the first time, you just go, george isn't a real guy.

B (3:29)

Right, right.

A (3:30)

But then Curb is the proof that Larry lives as George. That George is Larry.

B (3:35)

One of the greatest regrets of my life, I was asked to do Curb, and for some reason, I couldn't do it.

A (3:40)

Really?

B (3:40)

Yeah. And I. I have no idea what the part was because it was like, I just wasn't available.

A (3:45)

But they.

B (3:46)

They said, we do Curb. And I was like, I. I can't. I'm not in town. I couldn't do it.

A (3:50)

When you guys were doing the Drew Carey show.

B (3:53)

Yeah.

A (3:53)

At abc, who was else. Who else was on the lots making stuff. Er Crazy.

B (4:00)

Yeah. With Clooney, who used to. He used to play basketball every day.

A (4:03)

Yeah.

B (4:04)

And he would come by and pretend that he didn't smoke. So he would not smoke with Ryan Styles at Ryan's trailer.

A (4:09)

Ryan Styles again, this. Did you care?

B (4:11)

Giant of the improvisation. A giant. Diedrich Bader, one of the best actors in America.

A (4:16)

One of the funniest.

B (4:17)

He has the pants in Napoleon Dynamite.

A (4:20)

And number two, I was gonna say Office Space. I believe if you say something like that, you get your ass kicked. It's one of the greatest lines of all time.

B (4:30)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (4:31)

You never say you got a case in the Mondays he goes, I believe you say that. Get your ass kicked. It's one of the funniest.

B (4:36)

He's. He's a great comedy actor. He's a great actor. And they're all like, really cool.

A (4:41)

All of you.

B (4:42)

Yeah.

A (4:42)

You were the complete sitcom. The Drew Carey show was the complete sitcom. You had Drew carrying it so funny.

B (4:50)

Yeah. You know, do you remember Ian Gomez in that show? He played Larry. Yes. Yeah.

A (4:56)

Yes.

B (4:57)

One of my favorite fucking lines in that. In ever in show business.

A (5:01)

Didn't him and Drew hate each other?

B (5:02)

They hated each other. Yeah. And they were real rivals. And one of the great. There was an episode where it was a kind of race episode. Drew had to get to the top of the Winfrey Louder building by noon in order to get his promotion. And he goes through all the adventures and it's all hard and all that good stuff. And he gets in the elevator to go up. He's just going to make it. And Larry's in the elevator and it's one of the greatest lines ever in show. The elevators door closed and he says, well, Drew, you made it. Even all the gods with their so called power couldn't stop you now.

A (5:29)

I love that.

B (5:30)

And of course, the elevator, like I.

A (5:33)

Always thought Larry was taken off a character from a Drew Carey book called Dirty Jokes and Beer.

B (5:39)

I don't think so, because Dirty Jokes and Beer he wrote when. When we were doing the show. I remember that book coming out.

A (5:45)

So I was. That was a book that.

B (5:47)

It's a great book, actually.

A (5:48)

I read that in. It was high school. I was in high school and I read it and I loved it so much because I was like f. Realizing I wanted to do comedy. You know, I was the funny kid in school. My friends would come over to my house and smoke pot and I'd make them.

B (6:02)

Your friends still come over your house and smoke pot? I will not be smoking pot with you today. Do you smoke pot in this house?

A (6:07)

Yeah.

B (6:08)

Oh, my God. I. I thought I could smell it.

A (6:10)

It's right over there.

B (6:11)

Yeah, I know. I don't, don't, don't.

A (6:12)

Just look at the corner. Look at the corner and go, yeah, you're right. Let's hope that's the only truck. Oh, my God.

B (6:19)

It's kind of weird. It's a funny thing because even when I was drinking, I didn't really smoke pot.

A (6:24)

Really? See, I smoked pot the entire time I drank. So when I quit drinking.

B (6:29)

Yeah.

A (6:29)

Pot stayed. Pot was like, I knew you'd come back to me.

B (6:32)

Yeah.

A (6:33)

Well, how long has it been since you quit drinking?

B (6:37)

In next week it will be 34 years. Fucking crazy.

A (6:43)

How did your family of Scotsmen react to that?

B (6:46)

Well, most of them were reasonably supportive. There were one or two people that will remain nameless who said, we've all got drinking problems, Craigs. Some of us. Some of us just fucking muscle through it, son. And that's a way to look at it. I suppose that's a vibe.

A (7:05)

When I first, you know, when I quit, my mom's reaction to it, she makes her own Baileys every Christmas with a lot of Jameson. Wow. And I went home for Christmas and she went, I made some Baileys. And I went, I quit drinking. And my mom, I swear to God, took a beat and went forever like that. And it's like, well, it was a problem.

B (7:26)

Now, now I know you're a real proper died in the will comedian. Because you've got to have a very specific mom.

A (7:33)

Yeah.

B (7:34)

You know, it was like, was once we were. I was driving down, down the street in LA and my wife was with me and it was. Remember the Sasha Baron Cohen movie where he was wearing the Mankini?

A (7:43)

Yes. The lime green man.

B (7:45)

You're right. There's a billboard for that. And we're driving by. My wife looked up, she went, his mother must be awful.

A (7:54)

To be able to put a bikini on.

B (7:56)

And then it was like, that's a comedian right there.

A (7:59)

You know what my mom said that truly unlocked it for me one time is I. I had a really horrible taping for a TV set that ended up not being aired, and I had a joke about it.

B (8:09)

I wish that had never happened to me.

A (8:11)

Yeah. And then I. I was like this. I had a joke about her dating, and I called her and I was like, is it all right I'm doing this? And she was like, I put you through it. If you can make a joke about it, I'm fine with it.

B (8:22)

That's kind of evolved. I think that's pretty cool.

A (8:25)

Yeah, it was a cool. You know what it did is it made me go like, oh, your support was actually genuine. That, like, yeah. Oh, that's great. Because I know other people that have talked to their family about jokes and they're like, you have to edit that. You need to take that out. Have you bumped into that a little.

B (8:39)

Bit in the beginning? I mean, no, I don't think they even pay attention to what I'm doing. But it's like, all right. I see in America again, sexy great. Well, he's no great.

A (8:51)

He's right. They're like, who's coming on the Late show? That stopped in 2014.

B (8:55)

Yeah, that's a. People still come up to me and go, I saw your show last night. I'm like, I stopped doing it 12 years ago. What you said was you were on Tickety Talk. That's what you were on the Ticket.

A (9:06)

He said an old clip.

B (9:07)

Yeah, he's an old clip.

A (9:09)

Was that what show was more of a hangover to leave with Drew Carey or. I mean, obviously you're much more involved with the Late, Late Show.

B (9:18)

Yeah.

A (9:18)

But the Drew Carey Show, I assume you hit a schedule.

B (9:21)

Ye. And that was kind of like a family thing as well. There was a. There was a vibe to it. And, you know, I mean, like, Kathy and I are still friends. Drew and I are still friends. And the, the. It was a kind of a group of us. And so it was kind of tough, but I was drifting out of that show. So the last couple of seasons, I'd started writing these movies.

A (9:41)

Sure.

B (9:41)

And the movies were getting made, so I was kind of like disappearing. And I had. And they were great with it. But I was like, I kind of have to leave for.

A (9:49)

Yeah.

B (9:49)

You know, eight episodes. And they would be okay.

A (9:52)

Would they. Would they film you in blocks? Would they go, okay, no, it had.

B (9:56)

To be like, Mr. Wick's pregnant or something. And then like, and, and then, then I had to be gone. Because that was at the time Joe Walsh was on the show. Do you remember that? Joe was on the show.

A (10:09)

That makes so much sense because you know what I miss about the sitcom era was that you would find out these real world things would happen and you would go, oh, that explains why that character was gone in these.

B (10:20)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, stuff goes. I thought that I was watching Brooklyn Nine. Nine.

A (10:25)

Yeah.

B (10:25)

Which is a great show.

A (10:27)

Great. One of the last great sitcoms.

B (10:28)

An amazing show. And Chelsea Peretti disappears.

A (10:31)

Yeah. And she wouldn't had a baby.

B (10:32)

Oh, is that what it was?

A (10:33)

Yeah, I think.

B (10:34)

Because I was trying to figure out. I'm like, well, I don't know.

A (10:36)

Yeah, her. Her and Jordan Peele had a baby. And I think she left the show for a little bit and then came back. I could be wrong, but I think that time's up.

B (10:42)

Right, right.

A (10:44)

So you were saying on the lot you had er.

B (10:46)

Er. We had Lewis and Lewis and Clark. Not Lewis and Clark. Lewis and Clark.

A (10:51)

Dean Cain and Terry Hatcher.

B (10:53)

That's the one.

A (10:53)

I remember it. I loved it. Watched it weekly.

B (10:56)

And there was a show called Friends.

A (10:58)

Yeah. So you Were on the lot when they were doing Friends.

B (11:02)

Oh, yeah. Was there, like, when we started on the Drew Carey show, they said we were the ugly friends.

A (11:07)

That's so funny.

B (11:09)

Isn't that fucked up? You try fucking saying that now. Ugly friends, huh? That's right.

A (11:14)

Can I tell you, though, that is, for me, that was a bigger fan of the Drew Carey show than Friends. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

B (11:21)

Yeah.

A (11:21)

You know, are the ugly friends.

B (11:22)

We wear the ugly.

A (11:24)

You guys are way fucking funnier.

B (11:26)

We were pretty funny. You guys were watch.

A (11:29)

So I'm due for a rewatch.

B (11:32)

It's pretty. There's parts of it. Did you see the Full Monty episode?

A (11:35)

Yes, of course.

B (11:35)

Oh, my God. But the guys from the Full Monty.

A (11:38)

Were on the show because that was a big thing. I think now celebrity is so, like, it's all mixed together. It's all packed together, and it's not. Back in the early 2000s, in the 90s and early 2000s, everything was so separated that when you got someone like, the Full Monty. Yeah, it was a big deal.

B (11:55)

It was a big deal because everything now is kind of like. And I. I'm kind of okay with that a little bit because I think it demystifies it a bit when you do, like, a podcast in your house, but it's like a huge fucking show. I think there's something really awesome about that.

A (12:09)

I think. I think the celebrity used to almost be, like, a form of currency, and I think now that switched to authenticity because there's just.

B (12:19)

Authenticity is a form of currency.

A (12:20)

I think that's the new form.

B (12:21)

Yeah, I think you're right.

A (12:22)

Like, if you're being yourself, the fan can reel it, realize they know I'm sitting on a couch, that I smoke pot and play video games, and, you know what I mean?

B (12:31)

I would endorse that as. That's true, but I'm not in a.

A (12:36)

Some people come here and they go, oh, I thought you were in a studio, and you put a fake. I'm like, no, this is all stuff that, like, fans give me. And I just put up in front of my books because it's like, yeah, I got an Anthony Bourdain candle. I bought that one.

B (12:47)

That's very cool.

A (12:48)

But. But there's stuff like. I think in the age of. There's. There's too many celebrities now.

B (12:54)

Well, now I think. I think actually being famous is.

A (12:57)

It is. All my friends that have become very famous are miserable in a way that I go, oh, well, there was a.

B (13:03)

Time, like, you know, back in the day, like, maybe in the 1920s, when you're a silent movie star, being famous would be great. Like, you snort cocaine off little people.

A (13:11)

You weren't even doing. But by the way, they were doing, like, back then, they were doing cocaine for headaches.

B (13:16)

Yeah. Yeah.

A (13:16)

So, like, they weren't even mad at you.

B (13:17)

I have a terrible headache. Is there a little person around?

A (13:20)

Get over here.

B (13:21)

Here's the thing, though.

A (13:22)

Put the tray hat on.

B (13:23)

But now we've kind of looked back on it, and now we think, wait a minute. It was good for the famous people, but how was it for the little people? Getting. And I think, you know, if Charlie Chaplin was snorting cocaine off of my head, I'd be like, this is kind of fun. This is. This is kind of anecdotal.

A (13:39)

But that's how they also had secret families, because that energy translated to women going, you know, that. You know, Buster came through. Buster Keaton came through and did more than just let a house fall down. He busted in.

B (13:51)

Me, yeah.

A (13:52)

Now I got a little kid.

B (13:53)

Yeah. Buster Nuts.

A (13:55)

Busting nuts.

B (13:56)

But. But I don't know if that happened. Can his estate sue you? He's been dead for a long time.

A (14:00)

I don't think so. I'll just push. A house on their estate. It runs in the family.

B (14:07)

It's crazy. It still works. It still works.

A (14:10)

No way, buddy.

B (14:11)

That's AI. There's no way that's true.

A (14:13)

I know. Now, people like Buster Keaton don't get the credit for pulling off a stunt because they go, that's AI.

B (14:20)

You know, but that's the thing you remember back in the day, there would be, like, Evil Knievel. You probably. Do you remember Evil Knievel?

A (14:26)

I grew up with a stepdad that loved Evil Knievel.

B (14:29)

Right.

A (14:29)

Okay. So we would watch him try. I think that's what you say about Evel Knievel. He tried a lot.

B (14:36)

You know, the thing about Evil Kneel is, like, one of the reasons I wanted to be an American was Evel Knievel. Because I was like, jesus Christ, this guy's fucking nuts. It is. And he's great, and he just goes at it, and that's when he's like.

A (14:48)

You want to watch me jump this river?

B (14:49)

And it was on the wide, wide, Wide World of Sports.

A (14:53)

It was on the. One of the four channels.

B (14:55)

Yeah. And it. And back then, getting fucked up and riding on a motorcycle was a sport.

A (15:00)

It was a sport.

B (15:01)

You could jump, you know? I know a story about Evil Kneevel.

A (15:05)

I'd love to hear it.

B (15:06)

Well, it's a little tricky, but so I'm gonna disguise who it's coming from a little bit because there's still people around. But this is a story about Evil Knievel. Like, he's doing a jump and I have. I knew somebody was really good friends with him, okay? It was somebody who knew somebody who was really good friends. So he does this jump, right? You go to the top of the jump and they're going. They're looking at the jump before he does it. It's like 25 double decker buses in London or some stupid shit. And. And he's. They're looking at the jump and. And Evil's looking at it and this other guy's looking at the other guy goes, you can't do that. And he went, yeah. No, he went, well, he said, yeah, I know I can't do it, but everybody's here.

A (15:45)

That's so.

B (15:46)

I was like. And so he does. They're watching it. He does the jump, last bus, Bam.

A (15:54)

Yeah, the way his body. Who always just like.

B (15:57)

And he does that and he lands there and this guy that I'm not going to say is. He runs over and he's. He's like, oh, my God, he's dead.

A (16:03)

He's dead.

B (16:04)

He's dead. And he runs over. They get the helm up and Evil Knievel says to this guy, hey, get that broad out of my room.

A (16:11)

That's so funny.

B (16:13)

He's worried about his wife coming. When he was dead.

A (16:16)

I just remembered I fucked away from the Playboy Club.

B (16:19)

There's a broad in my room. Get her out before my wife gets here.

A (16:23)

He goes, before the road rash sets in. Can't you get that fucking slot out of my room? I left her drinking champagne and doing coke off a midget.

B (16:31)

No, no, we don't say that. Little person. Yeah, there you go.

A (16:33)

Little person.

B (16:33)

I see. I don't. That's not a good one. Is it the Midge? Yeah. You can't say that.

A (16:39)

I don't think you. I'm friends with little people and I apologize to them. The smallest apology.

B (16:45)

The most adorable apology. Tiniest. You know David Tail's album?

A (16:51)

Oh, thanks for the memory. I still listen to it.

B (16:55)

I had to. The first time I heard that, I was driving in California. I had to pull off the side of the road. When he does that thing about the.

A (17:01)

You know, dude stuff a little person.

B (17:06)

Take me to your midget world.

A (17:08)

He had a great job. He had like, almost like a follow up to that joke where he goes, they don't want to be called midgets anymore. You know what they want to be called? Little people. Well, that's fine. If you call them little people, then you call me a sky God. I control the lights. And he's like talking about the light switch, and you're like, dude, fucking hotel is the best.

B (17:28)

I mean, hotel is fucking amazing.

A (17:30)

When you. When you do the late, late show, how do you get approached to host? Because I'll tell you, an American late night. Pretty big surprise to see a Scott.

B (17:40)

Yeah.

A (17:40)

Holding it down.

B (17:41)

Nobody more surprised than me. I mean, what happened was that I had been on Craig Kilborn's show a couple of times.

A (17:47)

Who was the host.

B (17:48)

Who was the host of the show before me and, And.

A (17:51)

And the Daily show, man. If you follow Craig Kilborn.

B (17:54)

Yeah.

A (17:54)

Get ready for your pockets to get fat. If you're following. If you're. If you're getting Craig Kilborn sloppy seconds.

B (18:00)

Yeah.

A (18:00)

You're gonna be able to buy a boat. Yeah. You Jon Stewart.

B (18:03)

Yeah. You know, I. I won't lie to you. The money was different then. I mean, it wasn't podcast in your house money, but it was funny.

A (18:10)

I don't mean to brag, but I got. I'm sponsored by Better Help, so, you know. Betterhelp.

B (18:15)

It's never too late to get therapy, you know, it never. It never. You. Do you get the florist one as well to get.

A (18:21)

Oh, no, we don't do that. We do. The. The big ones we do are betterhelp. We do a Zoc doc. That's a big one.

B (18:27)

Not familiar with that.

A (18:28)

Just.

B (18:28)

If you want to talk me through Sock Dog, make a couple of other.

A (18:31)

This is where he's an editing whiz.

B (18:32)

Yeah, yeah.

A (18:33)

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B (20:57)

Well, I'd done the show a couple of times and Craig Kilborn quit. He just up and quit after five years. And so they had this, this idea that they were gonna have rotating hosts and a sort of Bake off, like America's Got Talent thing to see who'd be the host. And they boiled. They said, would you like to do it? And I went, yeah, all right.

A (21:15)

Yeah.

B (21:16)

So I, I did two nights and I was like, oh, I fucking love this.

A (21:19)

Yeah.

B (21:20)

And then they boiled it down to four guys who were going to get the job. It was D.L. hughley. Great, a great comic. That's who I thought was going to get it. Mikaleen Black, also really good.

A (21:30)

Right.

B (21:31)

Damien Fahey, also really great.

A (21:33)

Yeah.

B (21:34)

And me.

A (21:34)

Oh, wow.

B (21:35)

No, but doing a job that real Americans don't want to do. The.

A (21:39)

That's what we do with all immigrants.

B (21:41)

Yeah. Yeah. So picking strawberries, that's Right. It was a different time.

A (21:45)

Yeah. You could have been on a farm in Fresno, but back breaking work.

B (21:53)

But I. They had this. We all got a week each.

A (21:56)

Yeah.

B (21:57)

And then I thought, I thought, DL's gonna get it for sure. Because he's like established famous guy.

A (22:03)

The king of comedy.

B (22:03)

Right.

A (22:04)

He's one of the king.

B (22:04)

He's one of the kings of comedy. The original kings of comedy. And then, and then I thought, Michaeline Black, he's right. In that late night world. He's very much that thing.

A (22:13)

He was also phenomenal on Best Week Ever.

B (22:16)

Yeah.

A (22:17)

I love the 90s. He was great at stuff. I mean, he's also like, you know, improv master.

B (22:23)

Right? Exactly. And he's one of the. What's the name of that guy?

A (22:27)

Oh yeah.

B (22:29)

Stella. Right. He's great in that. And then, and then the night I was there to check out and see what it was like, Damien Fahey was doing his show and I was like, this kid's great.

A (22:40)

Yeah.

B (22:40)

There's no way I'm getting this job. And I got it.

A (22:44)

Wow.

B (22:44)

And. And that was really it. They boiled it down to four and I got the job.

A (22:48)

And it was in la. You were living in la.

B (22:50)

I was in LA and I was going through a divorce.

A (22:52)

Okay.

B (22:52)

And what happened? I was be making these movies.

A (22:55)

Yeah.

B (22:56)

And these movies. Wrote the independent movies. So you have to be out of town. I was going through a divorce and I had a young son. I thought, I need a job. It's going to keep me in town.

A (23:05)

Yeah.

B (23:06)

So when they said, you want to try out for this?

A (23:08)

I'm like, yeah, because get your creative juices going. You're in town.

B (23:12)

Stay in town.

A (23:13)

And late night, from what I've noticed is one of the only schedules. It's a schedule. So you actually have. It's not stand up. Where they go. We need you to go to this city. We need to go this. You just.

B (23:23)

You're there a little bit of that. But I. Even when I was doing it and even the Drew Carey show as well, all through all of it, I always did stand up.

A (23:30)

Yeah.

B (23:30)

Because you kind of like. No, you're a comedian. So you understand this. If I don't keep doing this, I'm gonna lose my child.

A (23:37)

Yeah.

B (23:38)

And also I have to maintain an autonomy with the corporate overlords.

A (23:45)

Like to be like, I don't fucking need you. I got my own money.

B (23:47)

Right. So like if you fuck up, if you, you know, I mean, we didn't call it getting canceled back then, but.

A (23:52)

You know, it's called Getting Fired.

B (23:54)

Yeah, it's just.

A (23:54)

So stop signing. Canceled. You're not a sitcom.

B (23:57)

Yeah, that's right.

A (23:58)

So.

B (23:59)

So it was kind of like I always felt I had to go out, do it. So even although I was doing the show, I would go out, you know, every other weekend. If I didn't have custody that weekend I was like on the road. I was in. So I was doing. I remember one night, Jon Stewart was hosting the Oscars for the first time.

A (24:19)

Sure.

B (24:19)

And I was doing Tommy T's Steakhouse and comedy in Pleasanton.

A (24:23)

There you go. Pleasant in California. Shout out. That's where my family lived.

B (24:27)

Bay Area Steakhouse and comedy.

A (24:30)

Well, yeah, I don't mean. Yeah, that.

B (24:32)

Have you ever played that room?

A (24:33)

No, I never. I would love to. My dad graduated high school in Pleasant.

B (24:36)

You've got to go. It's an L shaped room. It's impossible. It's really. It's an. It's like a Rubik's Cube underwater with sharks. It's like, oh, my God.

A (24:48)

The. When they put together rooms that don't work in stand up and then have stand up there, you're almost impressed where you're like, are you trying to get us to stand up for ourselves or to say something? Because you go, this can't work because you have to pivot each way.

B (25:00)

You know what I like? Did you ever get this one? Because this is when I started, this was the thing. There was no comedy clubs in Glasgow and they used to say, all right, it was music club. So it'd be one band on and then they would change the equipment, another band on. So they'd say, all right, go up and do five minutes of your stand up comedy while we change the equipment. I was like, what? And these were Cubs, these were clubs that there wasn't comedians.

A (25:22)

Sure.

B (25:23)

Like Billy Conley was a comedian.

A (25:24)

Yeah.

B (25:25)

And then that was it.

A (25:26)

Yeah.

B (25:26)

And so I got with these punk rock clubs and they'd be shouting before I hit the microphone. They'd be like, fuck you.

A (25:34)

Fucking comedy. I just wanted to tell you hi, everybody. Funny thing happened all the way here.

B (25:42)

Let me tell you. I just bought a house. You know, it's like, what got you.

A (25:46)

Into stand up in Scotland? If there isn't a scene I'm always fascinated by. Because I think for, you know, my generation, it was easier. We had watched all the stand up. We kind of knew what to do without knowing what to do.

B (25:57)

Yeah, I think that's right. I think when I came up, it was. First there was a Jackie Robinson. Effect of Billy Connell. Right.

A (26:03)

Billy Conley, one of the greatest of all time.

B (26:05)

Greatest of all time.

A (26:06)

Aged well. Yeah. You go about, watch Billy Conley, you're like that guy.

B (26:11)

Amazing. Amazing. And how he started is he was a folk musician.

A (26:15)

Sure.

B (26:15)

And he'd be playing in bars and he would talk between the songs and he was. People used to just go for the bit between the songs. He just stopped playing songs. That's how he became a friend. Yeah.

A (26:23)

I never knew that was how he.

B (26:24)

Yeah, that's how he got into it. And then the other. So there was Billy, who I kind of. He's Billy's 20 years older than me.

A (26:32)

Yeah.

B (26:32)

So when he's getting famous, like in his early 30s, I'm like, early teenage.

A (26:37)

Yeah.

B (26:37)

And he's the guy that we're not allowed to listen to. He's like, so we get the album and we're like listening to it. And so I'm like, oh, I want this. I want to be part of this.

A (26:46)

The coolest comedians are, are two pre pubescent boys because they go like, this.

B (26:52)

Guy, this guy rock.

A (26:54)

This guy doesn't eat his vegetables.

B (26:56)

This, this guy wears pants with stars. Yeah, yeah.

A (27:00)

But they're just like this, right? You watch it. That's how I felt about the first time I saw Eddie Murphy. Yeah, yeah. Another one.

B (27:07)

Yeah.

A (27:07)

Or guys like Carlin. I remember him being like, man, this guy just speaks up.

B (27:11)

He's so cool.

A (27:12)

He's so cool.

B (27:13)

Yeah.

A (27:13)

And it's like he was, you know, I was obviously, I saw, I saw older George Carlin. So he's bald with a ponytail.

B (27:19)

Yeah.

A (27:20)

And to me, in my mind, I was like, this guy, he's, he's bald.

B (27:23)

With a ponytail and he's still cool.

A (27:25)

Cool.

B (27:25)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because most guys, bald with a ponytail. You're a geography teacher. Yeah, yeah.

A (27:31)

You know, at best.

B (27:32)

Yeah. Geography can be cool. Let's be honest. It can, it can be cool.

A (27:36)

Mountains and rivers, no one's caring.

B (27:38)

Crop rotation, everybody. Isn't that exciting.

A (27:40)

Yeah. Listen, I don't want to hear about, I don't want to hear about geography until I'm older and the exciting world of kelp. Yeah. And then you get older and you go, I do want to know about kelp. I actually stuff that I, I, I look down my nose at when I'm a kid. Now I'm interested in Learning Stick around, Junior.

B (27:57)

I'm 63. I'm 63. And now I'm like, you know, for a long time I was like, I'm an atheist.

A (28:04)

This is all.

B (28:05)

Now I'm like, you know, I might.

A (28:07)

Well, you're getting closer.

B (28:09)

Yeah. You know, you start feeling the horseman on your shoulder a little bit, you know, like.

A (28:15)

I know.

B (28:16)

I'm like, hang on, I never said it completely.

A (28:18)

You know, that's what's interesting to watch my friends, because I'm in my 40s now as I watch my friends that were apolitical punk. I don't care. Anarchy. And now they go, just. Just taxes under the Republicans might be a little bit better, you know.

B (28:32)

Ye.

A (28:32)

Oh, it's getting all of us. Was it.

B (28:34)

Was it Shane that did that thing about early onset Republic?

A (28:37)

It's unbelievable.

B (28:39)

Masterpiece of comedy.

A (28:40)

One of my favorite bits. Yeah, he goes, you first see it where you go, I remember the state farm guy used to be white. And then he goes. And then he's like. And then you're watching a doc, it's on beautiful dogs.

B (28:50)

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that guy's great.

A (28:52)

He's unbelievable. That's what I love was like, my favorite part about standup is seeing stuff that you go, I'm going through that.

B (28:59)

Yeah, yeah.

A (29:00)

Nate Bargetzi had one of my favorite lines years ago, we were on the road somewhere. I was opening for him and he was talking, you know, he does a lot of joke about marriage and he. At one point, we're driving, he goes, man, comics in the 80s and 90s, they nailed it about marriage. You go back and watch all that material and you go, they're not wrong. Yeah, they got a lot of it right.

B (29:21)

It's pretty good.

A (29:22)

I know it was. A lot of it was like, take my wife, please. But then you listen and you go.

B (29:26)

Well, I used to take my wife, please. That was the Hanny Youngman.

A (29:29)

Sure.

B (29:30)

And I thought, you know, because people got so fucking literal for a while there. If he'd have gone up and said, take my wife, please. They'd have taken his wife. They'd been like, oh, you said it's. Cause it's that whole thing. I mean, like, isn't the skill. And Anthony Jeselnik talks about this, and I think he's a great comedian.

A (29:48)

He's fantastic.

B (29:49)

And he's doing that thing. No, the job is to say a horrible thing and get away with it.

A (29:54)

Yeah, it's a bank robbery. Robbery.

B (29:57)

Yeah.

A (29:58)

Go in and get. You gotta get away with it. You can't shoot the teller. Yeah, that's not a bank robbery. That's a slaughter.

B (30:03)

Yeah, that's murder. Yeah.

A (30:07)

You gotta go in and like, the Best comedians are the ones that hand the teller the note that says, I have a gun. And then they, they do the, they go, empty the vault.

B (30:15)

Give me the money.

A (30:16)

Yeah, but you don't have a gun.

B (30:17)

Do you have a gun?

A (30:17)

No.

B (30:17)

But I had a very difficult mother.

A (30:20)

I had a father that didn't care. Yeah. So when you're getting. And you see Billy Connolly going, and then you go, I might be able. Were you getting in trouble in school? Were you that.

B (30:29)

Yeah, I dropped out of high school when I was just after my 16th.

A (30:33)

Birthday, just being like, I don't give.

B (30:35)

A. I was, you know, I was a little crazy.

A (30:38)

Sure.

B (30:39)

And, you know, it was drinking, drugs and, and there was. Punk rock was very vivid when I was that age. I came of age during that.

A (30:49)

Americans love to suck our own dicks about music, but UK did punk probably better than anybody.

B (30:55)

It was pretty intense.

A (30:56)

It. Because to me, I, I, it's the snarl. It's the UK snarl. It's that you. Yeah.

B (31:05)

Oi, you.

A (31:07)

And I understand that, like, you get the Henry Rollins and the Black Flag, and you also get.

B (31:12)

Nothing wrong with that.

A (31:12)

Nothing wrong with that. And Bad Brains.

B (31:14)

Yeah.

A (31:14)

Which I talked to Eric Andre about. But to me, for some reason in my head, punk rock music is like the pinnacle of it is UK, I think 76, 77.

B (31:25)

UK. You know, you also had the queen.

A (31:27)

You had something to go like you.

B (31:29)

Yeah, it was, it was you, your majesty, You. But she is good for tourism.

A (31:40)

That was always my. The thing where, like, in America we can rage against the president and then they die and they're like, you rotten hell. And then it's always funny because when royalty dies, everyone except the Irish are like, oh, rest in peace. The Irish are like, up the road.

B (31:58)

You see, there's a whole mess of stuff that I don't want to talk about.

A (32:02)

Oh, yeah, Oh, I bet.

B (32:03)

Yeah. But the. I grew up in all of that too.

A (32:06)

Yeah.

B (32:07)

Like, the troubles were going on. I'm in Glasgow. Sectarian violence, sectarian hatred. So there's real. Pretty scary.

A (32:15)

Yeah.

B (32:15)

And so doing comedy, it didn't seem like an option at first. And I was a drummer in punk bands.

A (32:21)

Okay, Right.

B (32:21)

So I would be playing in these bands and people would be spitting on you and all that.

A (32:26)

Do they.

B (32:27)

Do people see that's never coming back after Covid.

A (32:29)

That's like, oh, you fucker. Now I gotta go test.

B (32:32)

Yeah.

A (32:33)

How were those fans or just people that just didn't like punk music? And there's like, fuck you. I'm gonna spit On, I think call.

B (32:38)

Them A column B. I think there's a lot of that.

A (32:40)

Because if you're feeling the need to go spit on someone, I would just be like, there's a punk show down.

B (32:45)

Yeah, yeah, let's go spit. What it was, was, it's kind of like podcasts now. I mean, look, this is a proper big podcast, but podcast, really? I mean, I've got a podcast. I forget.

A (32:55)

Yeah, this is great. You know what I mean? I had a SiriusXM show for seven years and then I come here, I.

B (33:00)

Did one for two years. I hardly noticed it.

A (33:02)

Yeah. I'm telling you. And then people now are finding it. They're like, I just found out you did the show with Big J for eight years. You're like, it's all online. You should go back and listen to the catalog.

B (33:12)

That's amazing.

A (33:13)

People doing that with the Late Late Show.

B (33:14)

Oh, yeah. All the time. People will come up to me in the street and say, I watched the show last night. Oh yeah, I stopped doing it 12.

A (33:21)

Years ago with the stand up. So this is. I'm glad I get to talk to you, the person, because I always wanted to do the Late Late show, but they told me that you filmed in clumps, that you would film stand up like four at a time.

B (33:36)

Yeah, that's because the studio was small.

A (33:38)

That's.

B (33:39)

We couldn't get everybody in. So if there was a band on or there was a stand up on, we had to move. I mean, honestly, it was, it was about maybe four times the size of this room. Fucking tiny.

A (33:49)

Yeah.

B (33:50)

You know when Carol Burnett was on.

A (33:52)

Yeah.

B (33:52)

She said this was the wardrobe when I worked with.

A (33:56)

Yeah, that's crazy. Back in the day with like the big studios.

B (34:00)

Yeah, it's crazy.

A (34:01)

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B (36:37)

We had to film the stand up in odd ways and we had to film like musicians were on the show that I never met.

A (36:43)

See, that was. And I'll tell you, because we could talk about it now, but that was the reason I didn't want to do the show was I was like, I'm not gonna meet Craig.

B (36:50)

And yeah, and I. I don't blame you.

A (36:51)

They were like, no, you're not.

B (36:52)

Because then you don't get that come on over thing, which you need to get.

A (36:55)

As a guy that grew up without a dad, I am seeking the approval of successful men. That's why I didn't do Colbert.

B (37:01)

Right?

A (37:01)

When Colbert came on the air, it was really big. I was like, I loved Colbert Report. I love Stephen Colbert. I was a huge fan of him on the Daily show. And they're like, oh, he's going to be doing it in the old Letterman studio. I never got to do Letterman, so I was like, oh, I'd love to do Colbert. And then they're like, like we're filming it in. We film it in chunks and then they're gonna put it on episodes. And I was like, I'm good. I just don't wanna, I don't want to go. I wanted.

B (37:25)

I think that's the right choice because what happens is if you just do it in a chunk, you don't. It's not the same.

A (37:30)

No.

B (37:31)

I actually feel this now about stand up specials.

A (37:34)

Sure.

B (37:34)

I, I don't think I'll ever do another one.

A (37:36)

Really? Yeah.

B (37:37)

Because, you know, the longer I, I do stand up and I've been doing it now for a long time.

A (37:41)

Yeah.

B (37:42)

The, the more I kind of love the purity of it as the immediacy. When you talk about authenticity, you know, that's it. You know, that's it now.

A (37:51)

Yeah. You're saying something to a crowd and they're gonna choose. They choose collectively if they're gonna laugh.

B (37:55)

You like it, you don't like it. You feel the room. It's an art form which. Look, I've made some specials, some of them better than others. I've seen some great specials and people do really good ones, but it's not the same.

A (38:07)

It's interesting to me when people, when I hear people online talking about going to their first live show.

B (38:14)

Yeah.

A (38:14)

Stand up wise. Because a lot of people just take in specials. They just take in clips online.

B (38:19)

Right.

A (38:19)

And then they go to an actual live show and they're like, this is incredible.

B (38:23)

Head off. Yeah.

A (38:24)

It's also why a lot of people are hyper critical about certain comedians. Stand up where they go, he sucks. And you go, I can understand you don't like watching a special. I've seen him in a room. He kills. He does. You know.

B (38:37)

Who's that? That Llano is like that.

A (38:39)

Yeah. Leno's one of the greatest standups of all time.

B (38:42)

I did a bunch of gigs with Lano and Arsenio Hall.

A (38:44)

We did.

B (38:45)

That's awesome. Yeah, it was, it was fantastic fun. But I was watching him and I was like, God damn. I, I didn't know he was that good.

A (38:52)

Well, I was one of the guys that came up loving Bill Hicks and I knew about Bill Hicks's bit about the Doritos and him killing himself. You're all, you're off the artistic roll call, Paul, because you took all this money. And I was always like, you know, I was young and angst, full of angst. So I was like, yeah, go after Leno, Corny. He took it from Letterman. He, Blah, blah, blah. And then I found out the reason that Bill Hicks was so angry at Leno was because he loved his stand up. When Leno was young.

B (39:19)

Yeah, he felt, he felt he'd sold out.

A (39:21)

And then people would talk about it and be like, oh, Leno would come in the Comedy Store and just bury everything.

B (39:25)

Yeah, he, he, he's pretty good.

A (39:28)

And he still does it. Yeah.

B (39:29)

I mean, it's interesting though, he's very odd, Jay, because I said to him one night, we were talking, you know, comics talk backstage. You're talking about, you know, bad audience uses, good audiences stories. And Jay said this thing. I thought, that is weird. They going, you know, everyone does the.

A (39:43)

I was wondering if you're gonna do the little voice. I was wondering if you're gonna do that.

B (39:49)

He said, he said, you know, if I have a crowd, they're a little.

A (39:52)

Is it.

B (39:52)

If they're a little crowd? I think said, I increased by 8%.

A (39:55)

That's correct. That's a scientist.

B (39:57)

I'm like, 8%? I don't even know what 8% is. My rear engines are not firing. That's 8%. 8% it is.

A (40:05)

I think that is a sign of an iconic career when someone can make a noise and you know who it is. Yeah, like if I was doing Seinfeld, I go, yeah, it's Jerry Seinfeld. Or like Chappelle's like.

B (40:23)

And you go, that's good, that's good.

A (40:25)

Up and down. But Leno really is like, oh, you're doing Jay Leno. It's like immediate. Mine would be like, if people are trying to do me, they're going, that's mine.

B (40:37)

That sounds a little bit like a nature documentary to me.

A (40:40)

Okay, well, that's all right. I'm still trying to find.

B (40:43)

I just accused you of not being.

A (40:45)

Able to do yourself, which people were accusing for years.

B (40:49)

Yeah, you can't even do yourself.

A (40:51)

And I went into therapy and now I'm authentic.

B (40:54)

You know what's interesting, I think about comedy, that always struck me about it is the one thing because it's so subjective, stand up comedy. People say when you say that thing, people say, oh, you. He sucks.

A (41:04)

Yeah.

B (41:04)

You go that. They will say this thing. They go, that's not comedy. And you go, well, what are all these people laughing at? Then it's not comedy to you. Like you don't see to music.

A (41:15)

That's so. That's my.

B (41:16)

That's not music.

A (41:17)

I, you know, you came from the music world and then you get into comedy. And I think I grew up, up idolizing comics and comedy. Like I was a comedy, I still am like a comedy nerd. Like I cared, listen to albums, I go back and listen to old albums and there's something about it where I took it too seriously.

B (41:36)

Yeah.

A (41:36)

And then I moved to New York and it became this thing of like I hated people that I thought were doing it wrong. Oh yeah. Of that whole like.

B (41:43)

Yeah, I know that feeling.

A (41:45)

Then you don't realize that you've become the.

B (41:47)

Yeah. Because you're going like you become the film student.

A (41:50)

Yes, that's exactly it. Where you're like, no, he doesn't care. He doesn't even know that joke was.

B (41:55)

Yeah, he doesn't even.

A (41:56)

He never listened to Lenny Bruce. He never. It's like, no one listens to Lenny Bruce. Shut up. You know what I mean? But that idea. And then what Set Me Free was, and this was a recent epiphany. Whereas I was like, oh, well, it's just like genres and music.

B (42:10)

Yeah.

A (42:11)

If I'm a singer, songwriter, I'm not going to be mad about a pop band.

B (42:15)

No.

A (42:15)

Or, or a rapper.

B (42:16)

Well, actually what I noticed now, and this is great about your generation of comics that you guys actually are getting like musicians is you cross over.

A (42:24)

Yeah.

B (42:24)

You, you'll actually, I mean, like you know, 10 years ago, talking to 44 year old comedian about Leno, all I'm going to get is, hey, yeah. You know, and now you're like, well, no, he does this, he does that. It's like, I think it's a little more educated about what it is.

A (42:42)

Yeah. Because I think that is one of the benefits of the industry losing its absolute power.

B (42:51)

I agree.

A (42:51)

Because, you know, we're talking about studios and stuff and I think it's, it's gets crazy when you look back to those old Hollywood icons and you realize, well, the only reason they had a mansion, that was the studio's mansion.

B (43:02)

Yeah.

A (43:02)

That Rolls Royce was the studio. Like dads, the industry had so much control over the individual that they'd go, if you want to work for Warner Brothers, I better not see you with a black guy.

B (43:11)

And they'd go like, that's amazing voice. Well, I say I've ever had a voice that so defines an era just like that.

A (43:18)

But that was exactly it. When they'd be like, I heard you're smoking cigarettes. Cigarettes. A lady doesn't smoke cigarettes. Better not catch out. And they go like, well, I can't smoke or mirror. One of the big film companies is going to take away my.

B (43:29)

I still feel a little traumatized by that now.

A (43:32)

Absolutely. You were the last.

B (43:34)

We were in that.

A (43:34)

You were the last generation to go through your career by going like, I watched the industry crumble.

B (43:40)

Yeah.

A (43:40)

I came up under the industry.

B (43:42)

Great.

A (43:42)

Comedy Central's here. Yeah, yeah. The. The booker for. You know, when the booker for Letterman would be out. Yeah, yeah, Letterman or the booker for Conan. You got to have your tight set.

B (43:51)

Yeah, get your set and all that.

A (43:53)

Now Knight is like, please, please come do stand up. And you're like, it's very weird to me because also, your show is very big. My friends getting on that show, it was a big moment in their career. Ron Funches. I remember there are a lot of comics going like, I'm doing Late. Late Night with Craig. I'm doing Craig Ferguson. What's funny is I'm trying to act like this is all formal. You go, I'm doing Craig Ferguson. Everyone said they were doing you. I'm doing Craig Ferguson.

B (44:19)

Sadly, none of them were.

A (44:21)

But I remember that feeling of like, oh, oh, now you might get fans. It was like this access to fans that now doesn't exist.

B (44:29)

Well, I think the whole idea of the word fans as well, I think, like, you know, who has fans? The Yankees has fans. You know, I mean, maybe the Rolling Stones have fans. I feel like if you're a comedian, if you're a proper comedian, that's not a good vibe, you know, because you need to. You need to make them laugh. And if they're just laughing because you're your fans. I. I did.

A (44:51)

But see, that's also where we're at right now, where you say kind of a crossover of, like, rock and roll, where there are comedians that are just names.

B (44:57)

Oh, I know.

A (44:58)

So they just go, yeah. So they just go, I'm just gonna go watch this guy. But that's always why I argue, because a lot of those people will catch hate and other comedians will go, well, he sucks. And you go, well, maybe he's just indoctrinated by his fans. But go watch him in the room.

B (45:13)

The. I. That's.

A (45:14)

If you watch him in the room, it could be different.

B (45:15)

That's why you always have to do. And I think real com comics always will play clubs. Doesn't matter if you're playing stadiums, you've still got to go back. You have to smell the chicken fingers.

A (45:25)

Yeah.

B (45:26)

Get you get your joke past the bill coming out at the end of your set.

A (45:31)

You need a random glass breaking in a setup.

B (45:34)

Yes.

A (45:35)

No. Finish the job and you go, well, it's a whole thing.

B (45:38)

Oh, you're great.

A (45:40)

I'm saying you're great. That's the worst is when people are talking and you go, positive heckling.

B (45:44)

It's very bad.

A (45:44)

What are you talking about? About? We were just saying that you were great. It's like, well, you're up the show. Yeah.

B (45:50)

When people come down the front and talk to each other. But you got to deal with that. That's part of it.

A (45:55)

Were you, Was there any part of you while you're doing the Late, Late show that was. You were just like, I can't wait for this to be over so I can just do stand up. Like, it was that by the end.

B (46:04)

By around, like 2013, by the end of it, it got a little different. The beginning of when it, when you first get, like, famous like that, like the Drew Carey show, you know, you're kind of famous. You're a guy on a sitcom.

A (46:16)

I mean, I, I, you know, I'm a. I was a huge fan of it, and I probably would have been one of those assholes that saw you. Drew Carey show.

B (46:24)

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

A (46:26)

My character has a name, but you.

B (46:27)

Would say Drew Carey Show. That's it. When, when the, the late night show kind of kicked in and started doing well, I think, I think I went a little crazy for a while. Like, paranoid.

A (46:39)

Sure.

B (46:40)

You know, and I used to, to. I don't know if I've ever told MD this, but I used to do the show every night. I had my passport in my suit. Yeah. I was like, if I need to get the out of here, I go straight to the airport.

A (46:53)

What kind of Jason Bourne is that?

B (46:55)

I don't know, man.

A (46:56)

They arrested you of six different passports.

B (46:58)

Yeah, yeah.

A (46:58)

Who is this man? There's six different identities.

B (47:00)

Christ, it's Craig Ferguson.

A (47:02)

Craig Ferguson was the top cocaine runner for the locker.

B (47:05)

Wait a minute.

A (47:06)

Cartel.

B (47:07)

Wait a minute. He doesn't have a lockdown.

A (47:09)

What the hell?

B (47:10)

Kaiser Soze.

A (47:11)

This guy was fucking. He's not even Scottish.

B (47:13)

He was fucking with us the whole time. He's Joy Finkelstein. He's from Jersey.

A (47:18)

He grew up in Paramus. We all knew that Scottish brogue was fake. That's rubbish.

B (47:23)

But, but what it was was, I think that it, it's that kind of Whole thing. Because your life at that time, I felt like everything was in the power of the, the TV gods that are no longer there.

A (47:37)

That's, that's what it was. Where they would go. Like, that's what the cancer. For all these people that use the word canceling, it's from that thing.

B (47:45)

I think it's from.

A (47:46)

Then sex would go. It's a bad look. We're gonna have to let you go.

B (47:50)

Yeah.

A (47:51)

And again, they had the power.

B (47:52)

Yeah, they did. And it's funny, I remember talking to my, my tour manager. I still have two. It was just me and the tour manager now in a Ram 1500. That's how I fucking roll. I love that.

A (48:03)

That's what I want.

B (48:04)

Yeah. No, I, the simplicity. I listen, I tell you, at one point I had the G4, the bus, the, the entourage, the, all that. And two things. One, you don't make any money.

A (48:14)

No. Because all the money's going to that.

B (48:15)

Right. And two, it's weirdly not as much fun. But when.

A (48:20)

Why you feel like it's isolating. Yeah.

B (48:22)

It becomes about something else.

A (48:24)

Yeah. You're. You're a circus.

B (48:26)

Yeah.

A (48:26)

The one thing, I'll say that. And I, I'm very vocal about this. You know. Shane's one of my good friends, and I've been, been very, very happy to watch him keep his humanity through all this of like. But like, he's putting in effort to stay the same guy.

B (48:39)

You got it.

A (48:40)

And so is Nate. Where you go. This is you. Yeah, well, I, I'm kind of finicky. I like, I think I, I, I'm, I enjoy this so much that I don't want anyone with it because I just like doing this. I get to have. I mean, when I told Katie that Craig Ferguson was coming over, and she's like, I'm going to the airport. And you got fucking Craig Ferguson. She, like, is such a big fan. But it, to me, it's like I'm still blown away with the fact that you'd come and hang out on my couch and talk to me while my dog chews her toy in her kennel.

B (49:10)

You know, but, but that, but we were talking about. And what's so great about it is the authenticity. What happened When I was doing late night, People that became my friends, like, really became friends were weird. Some of them were very big fucking stars. I became really friendly with Carrie Fisher, who was Princess Leia. Unbelievably nice woman.

A (49:30)

And one of the best cameos in 30 Rock.

B (49:32)

Right.

A (49:32)

One of the best episodes of 30 Rock is her coming back as a writer.

B (49:35)

She was great. Was one night she had done a tour of Australia and she came back to the show and she was just talking about it. She said, I got you something. When I was in Australia, I was like, you did?

A (49:45)

She did.

B (49:45)

She got me a pair of dried kangaroo testicles.

A (49:48)

What a good kid.

B (49:49)

It was beautiful.

A (49:50)

Did you ever think in the 70s when you in Skyland that Princess Leia would give you a sat? I had some ideas, but you thought you were gonna try out different.

B (49:58)

I didn't think she'd be handing me testicles from a kangaroo. But it all worked out.

A (50:04)

But I understand because what you're basically doing is you're living in this sort of nap dream that is your life.

B (50:10)

Yeah. It's weird. It's kind of. It's weird because do you ever get now and again when you meet someone super famous that was famous when you were a kid?

A (50:18)

Yeah.

B (50:18)

And you think, think, what if I just, like, punch him in the face? Really?

A (50:22)

Yeah.

B (50:22)

Yeah.

A (50:23)

So what if I just knocked? He was rude to me and I was like, what if I just knocked out Seinfeld?

B (50:27)

Yeah.

A (50:27)

And he'd be like, what is that? He led with a jab. I tried to snap the jab.

B (50:33)

And then Lando comes on. You're like, this guy. This guy died. Jerry, calm down. Calm down, Jerry.

A (50:38)

Keep your left hand up.

B (50:39)

That's what it is. You're dipping your shoulder. You got to keep your feet.

A (50:41)

You got to get knocked down. You seen this? You heard about this appearance? Apparently these people are getting knocked out.

B (50:46)

Because they're dropping the lift. I gotta say, your Lando's getting a little camp.

A (50:49)

It is camp.

B (50:55)

Sure. I have cars. You heard about this? It's a little sassy, Lando. I quite like it.

A (51:01)

Honestly, I still am pissed. He took it from Letterman. Honestly, with the late. I won. Dave was my guy.

B (51:08)

So Dave was my boss. Oh, I gotta say, I'll tell you a Dave's story. This is fucking great. So let's do the 60 Second Savings Challenge. Step one, download Rocket Money. Step two, link your accounts and see every subscription you're paying for. Tap one you don't use and cancel it. That's money back every month. Step three, create a financial goal, $50 every paycheck. Or let the app automatically move small amounts of cash. When you can afford it in a week, you'll forget you set it up. Up in a month, you'll see real dollars piling up. In a year, you'll be shocked at how much money you've saved. Upload an Internet or phone bill and let Rocket Money try to lower it. You only pay if they find you savings. On average, Rocket Money members can save up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. Users love the app with over 186,000. Five star ratings. Make saving money the resolution you actually keep. Start the 60 second savings challenge@rocketmoney.com cancel. That's rocketmoney.com cancel rocketmoney.com cancel. Dave is a. Is a complicated guy. I don't think that's going to make the news if I say that. You know, I think that's.

A (52:18)

I think that's been written in at least seven books.

B (52:20)

Yeah, he's a complicated guy. But. But he's. The reason I was able to do late night was cause of Dave. Because he owned the time slot. He physically owned it.

A (52:29)

Well, because he got fucked over.

B (52:30)

Right.

A (52:31)

And then he was like, guess what? I'll make your life a living hell and I'll go to cbs.

B (52:36)

And he owned. They gave him two hours. So he. Actually, CBS couldn't do much about me because Dave owned the time slot.

A (52:43)

Really?

B (52:44)

Yeah. And because Dave owned the time slot and Dave was making his own show, he's not paying attention. CBS aren't paying attention. Dancing horse. Robot Scout.

A (52:54)

Is that when you bust out the robot? You go, guys, I'm pretty sure we put a robot. Robot. We won't even get.

B (52:58)

Nobody's even coming. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Let's get the robot out.

A (53:03)

Yeah.

B (53:03)

But it, it was, he was. It was a. An odd kind of feeling because I've always revered Dave and I still do.

A (53:10)

And he's the cool.

B (53:11)

I'm a little scared of him.

A (53:12)

He's my friend's cool older brother.

B (53:14)

Yeah.

A (53:15)

Because I would say Conan was the one that I took possession.

B (53:17)

Okay.

A (53:18)

That, that was like growing up with the Simpsons.

B (53:20)

Yeah.

A (53:20)

Him starting at that time was the time that I was staying up late. Late. Yep. And I was like, oh. And he was silly in a way that I went. It's like a band again. It's like a band that you claim ownership. Right. You.

B (53:31)

You become part of the.

A (53:32)

Conan is my guy.

B (53:33)

Right. It's your. The. So Dave, if I had anyone. Sure. It was. They. I didn't really have anyone because I didn't grow up here. But, but, but Dave, I was like, oh my God, this guy's great. He's a genius and all that stuff. And he is.

A (53:45)

He's kind of an. Which I really like.

B (53:48)

So anyway, so, so about two years ago, I was doing, I was in LA and I was doing a podcast. I can't remember what podcast it was, but I was doing somebody's podcast and it was being filmed and I was like, really fucking grungy. I thought, you know what? I'm gonna get a new pair of sneakers. At least I want to get a pair of sneakers. So I go to the Grove. Yeah, I think if I go to the, if I go to the Nike store at the Grove, just when it opens at 10am, I'll get a pair of sneakers. Nobody there, I'll be able to get it done. So I go to the Nike store at the Grove at 10am they open the doors and I walk in, I'm looking at the sneakers and I feel this hand on my shoulder and I turn around, it's fucking Dave, David Letterman. And he said, this is the most beautiful thing. He said, how long have you worked here?

A (54:36)

That's correct. That is correct.

B (54:39)

What the are you doing here? That's great.

A (54:41)

He is always. To me, that's the, that is exactly who Letterman is. He's got the best joke at the right time. And it's like, like when he, I know a lot of people in hindsight were like mad at him for doing that to Paris Hilton. But when Paris Hilton gets out of jail and then tries to go sell her perfume and then Dave was like, got a good story. He just immediately like something where you go, he is the coolest, funniest in the moment.

B (55:08)

Yeah. And he's not afraid to, to own. You know, when he thought, you know what, that wasn't great, I, you know, he, he was okay about that.

A (55:15)

He was what was great.

B (55:16)

I want to tell you what he said in the store though, because after he said, how long have you worked here? I'm like, Dave, what are the, are you doing in the Nike store? The Grove, at 10am in the morning? He said, doing some podcast. And I thought, I better get a pair of sneakers.

A (55:28)

The same reason he's like, I need to shout it out. Great. Unbelievable, right? So funny that he's like, I to do a podcast. Podcasts are making two late night legends.

B (55:40)

Go to the Nike.

A (55:42)

Just buy some Nike Airs. Ten in the morning.

B (55:46)

I was like, oh my God, this is weird.

A (55:48)

If anyone's angry about podcasting, look what it's done to your heroes. Made him go by, by fucking shock treatment shoes.

B (55:55)

I, you know, it's funny. I, I think podcast does it even get called that now. It's just a different kind of media.

A (56:03)

I think it is a different medium. I think the Golden Globes trying to give it an award is fucking stupid. Stupid. I think it's just stupid.

B (56:09)

It's like you ever met any of them Golden Globers.

A (56:11)

I don't care what the best part is. Not caring, you know what it is. Because I got denied so much early on in my career that finally when I got stuff to make that was cool or people gave a about, I was just kind of like, oh, these people are unnecessary. I've never had one of those people book me at a Funny Bone in Omaha.

B (56:31)

No, they won't.

A (56:31)

Or book me at somewhere where I need to go do five shows because I just want to tell jokes.

B (56:36)

Yeah, it's. It's the first time I came across the Golden Globe people. I had done an independent movie that was doing pretty well. It was the late 90s and I had written a movie and I was in the movie and it was doing great and I was very excited about it actually. The lead actress was nominated for a Golden Globe. So part of the press thing, you have to go and meet the Hollywood Foreign Press, right? The people who. It's a hundred people. I'm like, this is like a fucking geriatric ward.

A (57:03)

It was all old.

B (57:04)

Well, it's not just old. Geriatric's not right. Like this is kind of like. Like a, like a mental hospital or.

A (57:10)

Something is like these people wheel them.

B (57:13)

In and they're like, they're like shouting and stuff. I'm like, what the.

A (57:16)

So what was it? Was it, was it you on a stage and then it's like a hundred.

B (57:20)

Yeah, it's like a hundred people. And I was like. And then they all come up and they want to meet. They're kind of like from the, you know, the Athens Penny Saver. I'm not talking Athens, Georgia talking.

A (57:31)

It's like where they invented arithmetic, Right?

B (57:33)

Exactly. They're.

A (57:34)

They're Galileo something.

B (57:36)

The Cairo Gazette, all that kind of stuff like oh my God.

A (57:40)

And poor Weekly what the is going on?

B (57:45)

And I looked over at the side of the stage and the guy who ran the film company at times a guy called Mark or Deski and he ran Fine Line. He went on to make a. A series of films called the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Anyway, he. He not a fan. He was like, I remember at the.

A (58:00)

Time, I don't like little people in R. Rings, he said.

B (58:03)

I remember him saying at the time, I'd really like to make The Lord of the Rings. It's a series of movies. I'd really like to get that done. And I was like, you're out of your mind.

A (58:10)

Yeah, that'll never work. Anyway, we keep in touch.

B (58:17)

But he was, he was a nice guy and. And I was standing up there and I'm like looking at us. And I looked over and he was laughing his ass off because he knew it was going to. I was going to go, what the is? And the second time I was there with them, I was there with a. I used. I did these how to train your dragon movies. The voice.

A (58:35)

Yeah.

B (58:35)

And I was there with Jerry Butler and I and J and Kit Harrington and was like, it was a bunch of big timey actors. And this guy said, you know, he took questions from the floor and he said, okay, everyone going down the line, save what project, what you're going to be doing next after this show. And I was like, like, oh, here we go. Stuck here. So Jerry started up. Jerry and I have been friends for a long time, but Jerry started talking about this movie he was working on. It's called the Gods of Egypt. And he was like, oh, the gods of Egypt need talk for about five minutes.

A (59:08)

And.

B (59:09)

And he was talking about this film he was doing. And then it comes to me and I said, I'm thinking again, a cat. You, man.

A (59:18)

That's correct. He's like, in Egypt, the gods were different. You're going, I don't know the name of Mr. Nibbles.

B (59:25)

Yeah. You know, do you go for scrappers or you go for a human name?

A (59:29)

But that, you know what that is, is when you were saying you stayed doing stand up because it kept you sharp even during the Late Late Show.

B (59:35)

Yeah.

A (59:35)

You know, when I was doing Billions, that was kind of always my thing that I would go, well, you're not taking me off the road. Yeah. And like to the point that on the show there became a moment in between, I think like season two and season three where the producers were like, hey, we want to make you a part of the like full on cast.

B (59:52)

Right.

A (59:53)

Instead of doing a guest. Because I was just a guest star every episode.

B (59:56)

Yeah. It kind of happened with me in the Drew Carey show. Yeah.

A (59:58)

Yeah. And the caveat was, I'll get more money. But then they control your schedule. And I went, you can't.

B (60:05)

Not only did they control your schedule, but they control the perception of you publicly.

A (60:10)

Yeah.

B (60:11)

Or they want to.

A (60:12)

Yeah. Because. And I saw that. I saw. That's what my agent at the time said was like, you know they'll control your schedule. And I was like, absolutely not. Because it was really funny when they'd be like, hey, we have a very intense scene. We need you. And I wouldn't even be. I would just be like, sitting background for it. But they'd be like, we're. You need to be on camera for this. It's an intense scene. And I'd be like, no, I'm going to yuck. Yucks. And they'd be like. It was. I remember what the club was. It was rumors in Winnipeg. And they were like, we need you to film Thursday and Friday. And I was like, I'll be in Winnipeg.

B (60:46)

I'll be in Winnipeg.

A (60:47)

And it was. To me, I'm not a very, like, authority kind of guy, but it was the first time in my life where I felt like I had ground to stand on, where I was like, no, Hollywood machine. I'll be going to Winnipeg, Manitoba.

B (61:00)

I think it's great that that that happened. The. The. That freedom happened for young artists to do that. It's funny that I hear older comics, I've heard a couple of, you know, complaining in private about younger comics and saying, well, all they do is crowd work. I mean, they only do this.

A (61:19)

A lot of them do.

B (61:20)

You go, that's not all they do. That's all you see.

A (61:23)

Yeah, because they don't want to burn them.

B (61:24)

You want to burn your material on social media. So you just burn up some cred work. He's not going to do that again. Yeah, and.

A (61:29)

And I understand that it is. You know what it is? It's kind of like, to me, the way I would compare crowd work clips and stand up is when they used to put lead in the gasoline in the United States.

B (61:39)

Yeah.

A (61:40)

And you go, I think it made a whole gener of serial killers, but also at the same time, it fueled our cars. What do you. What do you do for a living? There's some guy, some guy in Dahmer Jackson going, would you. Me. That's his crowd. You. You. Me. I'd. Me. That's. Now that's all I'm gonna see. When I see crowd. It's just people going, hey, hey.

B (62:12)

What do you do for a. Rubs lotion on it. Chicken finger.

A (62:15)

This guy just looked at me and he said this. What do I do for a living? You're dead.

B (62:20)

Oh, my God.

A (62:21)

She's a great big fat person. Yeah, it's. That's.

B (62:24)

That movie is one of the movies that if it's. If I'm going through in its own I'll watch it to the end.

A (62:29)

Can I tell you one of the funniest. It's one of the best movies of all time. Y also just funny. I. He really goes, what did multiple MIGs say to you? He said, I could smell your.

B (62:39)

Yeah.

A (62:40)

Funny. I cannot. It's like one of the most favorite Anthony Hopkin lines.

B (62:43)

Here's a great Anthony Hopkins. So he told me the story himself, he said, as he was talking about that movie, and he. He was very excited when the movie came out. He said, oh, it made me a worldwide star, you know, scored an Oscar for Oscar. And I got to meet her majesty the Queen. And. And he was talking and he said, said. And when it came out, what he used to do was he would go to movie theaters where it was playing, playing, and wait till the credits rolled at the end, and then he would lean forward and say to someone, did you enjoy that?

A (63:09)

That's crazy. That's. That would me up. I know if Hannibal Lecter.

B (63:15)

Yeah. You're like, did you enjoy.

A (63:18)

You go, yeah.

B (63:18)

You would do your own focus pool thing. You would do that.

A (63:23)

That's what I miss about the old system was that Bill Murray could go to a wedding at a hotel bar. Yeah. And buy a drink and go, no one will believe. Believe you that this happened. He would say that to people. Yeah, he would. With them. And he'd go, no one will believe. You need leave. But now everyone's got camera phones. So now Anthony Hopkins would have had a line down the theater of people going, can I get a selfie real quick?

B (63:43)

Yeah.

A (63:44)

Instead of just someone walks around and goes, you know, I saw signs of the lamps and Anthony Hopkins was sitting behind me.

B (63:48)

Yeah.

A (63:49)

Yeah.

B (63:49)

And it's a great story. It's a great story.

A (63:51)

I feel like that's what camera phones are destroying more than anything. Are good stories.

B (63:56)

Yeah.

A (63:56)

Tell each other through. Like, we're killing the anecdote. Yeah.

B (64:01)

Yeah. I think. But I think there's a. I think there's a feeling. I mean, we talked about authenticity. And I. I've seen this a couple of times now in New York City, young people in coffee shops reading books.

A (64:15)

Brother, it's back.

B (64:16)

I. I'm fucking. I'm like, God bless you.

A (64:20)

It's. It truly is like I'm seeing young people do it. And I. I. Because I was yelling until I was hoarse back in the day of like, you should always read books. It's great before you go to bed.

B (64:30)

This is good brain waves on it.

A (64:32)

Yeah. It's also good for your concentration. And then I just completely fell into Internet slop. Sure. And now I'm trying to crawl out of the pool again. And I'm buying. I'm using Stephen King to get back in.

B (64:43)

Yep.

A (64:43)

But I made a mistake and read a hard book that took me nine, ten months to read. And then it felt like school. So now I'm jumping back in.

B (64:53)

I think that that's the. That's the same as what I did. I think you. It's like stand up. You lose your reading chops a little bit.

A (65:00)

Yeah.

B (65:01)

You have to. You have to get back into it.

A (65:03)

But get it with a short book Colin Quinn recommended. And. And I would say this to other people. Read Frankenstein. Read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. It's short.

B (65:11)

Dracula.

A (65:12)

I'm gonna read Dracula. All right. You know what?

B (65:14)

Scariest book.

A (65:15)

So. And it's also way different than all the movies.

B (65:17)

Oh, yeah.

A (65:18)

Because I saw someone recently talking about Frankenstein because Guillermo del Toro put it out on with. And I haven't watched it yet. Apparently, that's much truer to the book.

B (65:26)

Yeah, I haven't seen it yet.

A (65:27)

But in the book, it's the thing that everyone's blown away is Frankenstein's not dumb. The monster, not the Doctor. The monster he creates isn't like he speaks. And it. He tells about how he learned how to speak in the family. The blind man that taught him. There's like this great humanity, this heavy, heavy weight of humanity in that book. And it's very short. But Dracula is the next one I'm going to read.

B (65:50)

Dracula is amazing because the. It's one of those amazing books, and there's a few of them I've read.

A (65:55)

So I read Bram Stoker's. Are you saying.

B (65:57)

Yeah, Bram Stoker's. Dracula. And it's the sense of menace.

A (66:03)

Yeah.

B (66:03)

It. Like, I. There are books that, you know, I spend time in New York City.

A (66:08)

Sure.

B (66:08)

And we have a place out of town. In the place out of town. It's a little countryfied. I can't read scary books out there.

A (66:13)

I go to.

B (66:14)

It's too scary. It's too scary. I got to read them in New York. There's no it. If there's a vampire in New York, it's at a club.

A (66:20)

So there's a point. We go to the cat. We like to go to the cat skills.

B (66:24)

I think we know what we're saying.

A (66:25)

Yeah. We go to the Catskills. But I was reading. The book I was reading was Dante's. I was in. I was during Inferno because I read. Oh, I read the. The Divine Comedy. I read all three. And, you know, the Purgatory and the Heaven one are harder to read than Inferno because Inferno's so detailed and so it's scary. There's, like, moments where. And it's like. It's a rhyming poem, but if you have it broken down, you're like, the things he describes are up, you know, river of blood that Alexander is in. There's.

B (67:00)

You know what I think is amazing, though, about Dante's Inferno is like, when you get to the deepest level of hell.

A (67:06)

Yeah.

B (67:06)

What is the worst thing an Italian can imagine?

A (67:09)

Ice.

B (67:10)

It's being cold. It's so cold.

A (67:12)

You don't understand Satan. It's so funny that people don't understand. In. At the. At the bottom of hell is a frozen lake.

B (67:21)

Frozen lake.

A (67:22)

That Satan's frozen it.

B (67:23)

Yeah. Yeah.

A (67:23)

He's, like, stuck in this lake and he's got three heads.

B (67:26)

Yeah.

A (67:26)

With the description of the smaller stuff of looking into the pits.

B (67:30)

Yeah.

A (67:30)

And watching the demons. Creature.

B (67:32)

You're gonna love Dracula. Yeah.

A (67:34)

Yeah.

B (67:34)

You're gonna. You're gonna love it.

A (67:35)

Craig Ferguson and I are still starting a book club.

B (67:38)

We. We're kind of like Reese. It's like Reese Weatherstone.

A (67:42)

Just bring your blessings.

B (67:43)

I call it Reese Witherstone. That's right. Spoon.

A (67:46)

Yeah. Wither fork. Wither knife.

B (67:49)

I think I'm getting ready to join the Hollywood Foreign Press. You know what I'm saying?

A (67:52)

I love it. I just gotta tell you, man, this has been. It's better than I expected. You're awesome. I've been a fan forever, and this is one of those moments where he meets someone and you're like, I was right. Because you don't want the feeling of, I was wrong.

B (68:08)

You know, I feel like there are younger comedians that I look at guys who are 20 or so years younger than me, and I look at them. You're one of them.

A (68:15)

Yeah.

B (68:16)

And Shane's one of them.

A (68:17)

Yeah.

B (68:17)

But you go me, it's. It's alive and well.

A (68:22)

That makes me feel.

B (68:23)

Yeah.

A (68:23)

I think. You know, and I know Shane would love hearing that, just because as someone that grew up loving comedy maybe a little too much.

B (68:30)

I understand.

A (68:32)

Is like, man, this is the coolest job. And when I see people that have been in it, that I've watched from the time I was young still feel that way about it.

B (68:40)

Oh, yeah.

A (68:41)

It makes me go like that.

B (68:42)

Do you know what's great about it as well is if you're in it for a long time, and this is one of the things I really love about it when I do clubs and stuff now, or I just do like a theater and you do meet and greets. The audience is getting old with me too.

A (68:54)

Yes.

B (68:54)

It's the weirdest thing. And we're all getting.

A (68:58)

We're all going to remember being in my 20s doing jokes about black and out out. And now I'm doing jokes about my lower back hurting. And the same guys are out there going like, yeah, you gotta stretch your.

B (69:10)

Hips in the morning. I know, I know.

A (69:15)

It used to be you wake up with your keys and you're like, well, I'm only sleeping in a room without a window. Yeah, I don't give a. Now you're like, do take a vitamin C. Do take vitamin C. Capital gains.

B (69:25)

Am I right? Am I right?

A (69:28)

Yeah.

B (69:28)

401Ks me.

A (69:30)

Check out Craig's podcast, watch everything he's done and go back and watch the Drew Carey show. These need more credit. They. They put on an all time classic and no one gets the credit.

B (69:39)

God bless you, sir.

A (69:40)

Thank you so much.

B (69:41)

Thanks, man.

A (69:53)

It.