In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions:

I work at a large remote company. We meet up once or twice a year. I don’t really know much about my engineering coworkers aside from the 5 people on my team, so the in person meet ups seem like a good place for me to get to know people from the other teams.

I am a career switcher, and am currently a mid level IC (borderline junior) in my late 30s and a youthful appearance. At these meetups, my position and appearance (and honestly, possibly my demeanour) makes me feel like I am expected to socialize with other ICs in their 20s. Although they are nice people I find it hard to relate to them when talking about non work related topics since I am much older and in a different stage in life than all of them, (married with a mortgage and kids).

I want to socialize with coworkers closer to my age and stage in life but most of them are team leads or manager. I feel like socializizing with them would be seen as brown nosing. I’ve also heard that once someone is a manager, it is very hard for them to befriend ICs because they are now their boss, and that they mostly befriend other managers. My previous career had little management/corporate politics type stuff, so I don’t know if this is true. Would I be hurting myself by doing this?

Am I over thinking this? Would I be fine socializing with whomever I want? Do you have any words or advice regarding my situation? Thanks!
Hi Dave and Jamison,

Before you tell me to quit my job, hear me out. I have worked in technology for about 30 years. I’ve been at the same company for the past 20 years, but I’ve changed roles many times to keep work interesting. I have enjoyed learning new technologies while working in development, architecture, system administration, management, vendor relations, and more. This has been very beneficial to my career, and I appreciate all the opportunities to grow. I’ve earned a good reputation and am well respected by my peers. I’ve proven my worth to leadership many times over by reducing expenses by many millions and creating innovative solutions to improve efficiencies. I work for corporate America in the insurance/finance industry, which is generally considered to be led by cold, heartless, power-hungry mongers, a stereotype that probably has a few exceptions but is generally not incorrect. I’ve never appreciated this industry’s business practices, but I’ve had to make a living over the years, so here I am.

I am finally at my breaking point and am absolutely fed up with how employees, customers, and communities are treated by my industry. Because of this, I just cannot find value in my work. I’ve been beaten down over the years and am tired of being exploited by management. I no longer volunteer to take on big projects, and instead of being someone who outshines others, I have decided to settle for mediocrity. I’m planning to retire in a few years and honestly don’t have the energy or desire to search for another, potentially more meaningful, industry to work in, especially in the current job market.

I genuinely care about many of the people I work with. Very few of them are in it to climb the corporate ladder. Most are just trying to earn enough money to pay the mortgage, feed their children, care for aging parents, and hope to have enough leftover for their own retirement.

How do I not leave a wake of malaise for my peers when I leave but also not help feed the beast until then?