Podcast Summary: You Can (And Should) Change Your Personality

Podcast: Solutions with Henry Blodget
Host: Vox Media Podcast Network
Episode Date: October 20, 2025
Guest: Olga Hazan (Staff writer at The Atlantic, author of “Me But Better”)

Overview

This episode features journalist and author Olga Hazan discussing her journey to change her own personality, and why she believes anyone can intentionally reshape their character to lead a happier, more meaningful life. Host Henry Blodget delves into Hazan’s findings, both from her personal experiments and broader scientific research, with a focus on two specific traits—extroversion and neuroticism—and ventures into the realities of gender roles and equality within modern relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Premise: Change Your Personality, Change Your Life

• Why Personality Matters
  • Hazan argues that core features of our personality are more predictive of happiness and success than even IQ or income.
    • “Your personality determines a lot of your happiness to a great degree. In some cases, they matter more than things like IQ and income.” (Olga Hazan, 01:00)
• The Ship Analogy
  • We’re not mere passengers on our life’s ship; we have some control and can steer toward change.
    • “We’re not helplessly riding as passengers on a ship. We can steer the ship and make changes...” (Henry Blodget, 01:50)

2. Hazan’s Initial State and Project Inspiration

• Hazan describes herself as highly neurotic (anxious, depressive) and increasingly introverted, exacerbated by the pandemic and major life decisions like moving or becoming a parent.
  • “I was scorchingly high on neuroticism—I was in the 94th percentile.” (Olga Hazan, 06:15)

3. Can You Actually Change? “Fake It Till You Make It”

• Malleability of Personality
  • Early theories saw personality as “set in stone,” but newer evidence indicates traits are malleable.
• The Method: Repeated Action
  • “You have to behave in the way that you would like to be repeatedly and consistently over time. Gradually, those small behaviors become a habit... and that’s when your personality actually starts to change.” (Olga Hazan, 04:38)
• The Authenticity Barrier
  • Changing how you act feels “fake” at first, but Hazan urges listeners not to interpret this as inauthenticity.
    • “Everything that you do that's new is going to feel fake.” (Olga Hazan, 08:01)

4. The Five Personality Traits (“OCEAN”)

• Openness: Adventurousness, creativity
• Conscientiousness: Organization, diligence
• Extraversion: Social engagement, energy around others
• Agreeableness: Kindness, empathy, trust
• Neuroticism: Tendency toward anxiety and depression
  • “You can remember them with the acronym 'OCEAN.'” (Olga Hazan, 05:24)

5. Changing Extroversion

Why Extroverts Are (Statistically) Happier

• Data shows the quality of social relationships is the strongest predictor of overall happiness.
  • “Extroverts spend more time around people… and so they’re happier.” (Olga Hazan, 10:04)

Hazan’s Methods

• Forced Accountability: Joined improv classes and other group activities with strict attendance policies (11:00).
• Small Steps: Engaging more with “weak ties” like neighbors—people she wouldn’t have previously considered cultivating connections with (14:43).
• Spotlight Effect: Realized most people don’t scrutinize her as much as she fears.
  • “People are kind of absorbed in their own minds and… not judging you and scrutinizing you as closely as you might fear.” (Olga Hazan, 13:25)

Outcomes

• Hazan’s extroversion score on the Big Five test rose significantly.
• She admits she still values “quiet time,” noting:
  • “It’s okay to still be an introvert at the end of your journey… you still need a lot of alone time.” (Olga Hazan, 18:04)

6. Tackling Neuroticism

Why Worry Isn’t Productive

• Worry masquerades as “doing something,” but in reality it just paralyzes decision-making.
  • “Most psychologists now think that worry is a coping mechanism for anxiety… You're just kind of spinning your wheels.” (Olga Hazan, 19:10)
• “Thinking about something over and over again is not actually working on the problem.” (Olga Hazan, 20:09)

Meditation as a Tool

• Hazan experimented with meditation to manage anxiety, though she acknowledges it can sound unexciting (“just sitting there”).
• The most freeing lesson:
  • “Things happen that you don’t like. I had been going through life subconsciously thinking that if I did everything perfectly, nothing would happen that I didn’t want.” (Olga Hazan, 22:59)

Alternative Approaches

• Blodget asks if activities like puzzles or work can substitute for meditation; Hazan says traditional meditation requires a different kind of mental engagement but notes yoga and walking meditation can also be effective (27:23–28:23).

Outcome

• Hazan’s neuroticism score dropped sharply, and she reports an increased ability to let go of unproductive worry (30:46).

7. Progress on Other Traits

• Agreeableness:
  • Hazan worked on being more trusting but found it especially challenging, partially due to her career as a journalist (31:01–33:43).
  • She used the “Dimensions of Trust” exercise: listing out everyone in her life and identifying levels of trust.

8. Key Strategies for Personality Change

Don’t Give Up Too Soon

• “Almost every voice in the world of self transformation warns against quitting because it doesn't feel right.” (Henry Blodget, 34:14)
• Quit tactics, not goals: If one activity doesn’t work, try another that still supports your overarching aim. (Olga Hazan, 34:14)

“Free Traits” (Brian Little’s theory)

• We all have the capacity to act outside our default personality “when it counts.”
  • “Everyone has… capacity to occasionally act outside of their nature.” (Olga Hazan, 35:30)

The ACT Framework:

• Accept: Negative feelings are part of change
• Commit: To your goal
• Take Action: Do it anyway, even with discomfort
  • “Sometimes you have to persevere despite negative feelings rather than without negative feelings.” (Olga Hazan, 36:58)
  • “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” (Henry Blodget, 38:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You have to behave in the way that you would like to be repeatedly and consistently over time.” (Olga Hazan, 04:38)
• “Everything that you do that's new is going to feel fake, because on some level, we are all faking it the first time we do something.” (Olga Hazan, 08:01)
• “It's okay to still be an introvert at the end of your journey… you still need a lot of alone time.” (Olga Hazan, 18:04)
• “Worry is a coping mechanism for anxiety... You’re just spinning your wheels.” (Olga Hazan, 19:10)
• “Things happen that you don't like. We all have things that come up in our lives that we did not wish for.” (Olga Hazan, 22:59)
• “If your goal is to make more friends, but you joined a judo class and you're just terrible at judo, it's okay to quit the judo... just try a different approach.” (Olga Hazan, 34:14)
• “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” (Henry Blodget, 38:10)

Bonus Segment: Gender Roles, Relationships & Hidden Labor

The “Trad Wife” Dilemma

• Hazan’s Atlantic article “Doomed to Be a Trad Wife” explores the inequality that emerges in household labor after having children (39:00).
• Despite prior equality, Hazan ended up feeling like “the CEO of the baby,” with her husband as an “intern,” especially regarding “mental load” and organization (39:00–40:27).

Attempts at Fairness

• Fair Play system: Assigning specific chores, where each person is wholly responsible for their tasks (44:07).
  • It faltered after their child was born.
• Dependency on reminders and outsourcing (cleaning help) as partial solutions.

The Broader Societal Context

• Among liberals, true 50/50 household labor is still the aspirational goal, but in reality, personality traits like conscientiousness play a huge part (49:31).
• Economic realities and shifting norms mean a “traditional” model is unlikely to return; Hazan advocates for redefining men’s domestic roles as both possible and valuable (53:09).
  • “...there has to be a paradigm shift... boys [should learn] there’s more ways to be a man than out-earning your spouse and that contributing at home is manly.” (Olga Hazan, 53:09)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Personality and Happiness: 01:00–04:30
• Fake It Till You Make It / Change Basics: 04:38–09:08
• Big Five Traits: 05:24–07:08
• Changing Extroversion: 10:00–18:40
• Changing Neuroticism & Meditation: 19:10–30:46
• Agreeableness and Trust: 31:01–33:46
• Methods for Change & ACT framework: 34:14–38:24
• Gender Roles and the “Trad Wife” Experience: 39:00–54:37

Tone & Style

The conversation blends empirical research with humor, self-effacing honesty, and pragmatic advice. Hazan is candid about her struggles and successes, while Blodget maintains an affable, curious guide-through-complexity role.

Takeaways

• Personality can be changed through repeated, intentional action—though it may feel uncomfortable and “fake” at first.
• Even incremental progress can yield valuable results, whether in becoming more social, less anxious, or more trusting.
• In relationships, deeply embedded traits like conscientiousness can have outsized impacts on gendered labor, and solutions require both self-insight and systemic change.
• Ultimately, the ability to shape aspects of ourselves—and our lives—offers hope and a sense of agency.

Recommended reading:

• Me But Better by Olga Hazan
• "Doomed to Be a Trad Wife" (The Atlantic, January)