← Something Positive for Positive People
Something Positive for Positive People
SPFPP 360: Something Positive for People In a Relationship or Seeking One
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Courtney Brayne
Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brayne. Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 nonprofit organization supporting people navigating herpes stigma. I know y'all probably remember if you've been listening for a while, we started this in 2017, and in 2019, it became a nonprofit. And that was when I started raising money to pay for people to get therapy. And that was going well for a while until it wasn't. And we had a lot of issues there with expectations, with people, with. I even heard, like, I wish you were my therapist. I heard that enough times for it to be a thing. And so here we are in almost 2025, and I am almost 300 hours into my yoga therapist certification program out of the 800 that I need to do. And I was like, I ain't going back to school. I want to go back to school to be a therapist. But this really felt fitting because I had already gotten a yoga certification, and I think that I've had a lot of therapeutic approaches to conversations, especially for and with people who are living with herpes. And while I might not be able to, like, diagnose a person with any kind of disorder, like, if you read enough, like, you can point people in the direction of where they need to go in order to get a diagnosis and treatment. But I decided to make this a serious thing, and it's now an offering on the Something Positive for Positive People website. All of my board members unanimously support me going this avenue of being able to offer direct support to people with herpes. So be on the lookout for workshops, look for opportunities to connect through that. The spiritual significance of herpes is one of the most searched things, and people are looking for something more than just, how do I disclose my herpes status? Right. People are asking the question of what is there to learn from this? And in yoga therapy, there's a lot of philosophy and concepts that if I can find a way to communicate the big language and understanding in herpes language, so to speak, I think that people will find that on the other side of this, there is a much more fulfilling life. There's things that maybe you felt were missing, maybe even observations of what you thought being a thing that was missing is actually good, that it's not there in your presence. So I hope to use yoga therapy to be able to support people who are living with herpes and navigating stigma. So far, I've worked with. I'm working with three people, two of which have gone through five weeks as case Studies. And then one more is in that case study, Transition. But she joined a little bit late, so we'll have a couple more weeks before I can really speak to the conclusion of our work together. But the two clients that I have, one of them just wanted to introduce more movement. And a lot of what we talk about isn't even herpes related. And after our first round of sessions, it was just a matter of getting her moving and shifting some perspective on how she viewed aspects of herself that, you know, maybe she was afraid of, maybe were unfamiliar to her. And we were able to just talk through. A lot of it is just talking. Sometimes it's checking in to see how you really feel about a thing. Because one thing that I've done that I never had tools for in was not just hearing what people say, but hearing what they're not saying or what they're not communicating and being able to notice, you know, voice changes or pauses and be able to interrogate that lovingly so that we can get to the real issue. And I think people feel very, like, safe and comfortable talking to me about herpes because I'm open about having herpes. So that makes it a lot easier not to say that if you were to work with any other type of therapist or mental health professional like, that, you wouldn't be able to get that same quality of treatment. But I talked to someone recently on a support call who said she wouldn't. She's not talking to her therapist about her herpes experience. And she even said, like, being able to speak about this with me was something that was more supportive than that had been. And actually, I've heard that more often. I paid attention to it this year. So I hope this ain't one of them things people used to say, courtney, you should be a personal trainer. And I became a personal trainer, and I ain't getting no clients. So I hope this isn't the same thing. But even if it isn't like, it is what it is. I have data to speak to. 15% of people say emotional stress is the main trigger for an outbreak. This is how they know they're gonna have an outbreak because of their emotional stress. And we see that yoga helps with managing stress. In fact, today, when I get done with this, I gotta get ready for my yoga therapy class. This is the last weekend of the introductory course, and it's about yoga for stress management or yoga therapy for stress management. And the simp way for me to explain what yoga therapy is, and you'll hear me talk about it as My knowledge grows and as I have more experiences, you'll hear me talk about it different ways. So if you like yoga and you like therapy, or you don't like both, or you like one, not the other, think about it as taking the best of yoga and the best of therapy and bringing it together. So I think that for a lot of people, therapy gives you the opportunity to, in a non judgmental space, be able to speak to what's happening in your life, to be heard, to be rid of shame and to be given some sort of guidance moving forward as to how you choose to navigate it. And I think that what yoga does, it's not the Pilates that we see from most yoga classes. The movement entices. Entices. The movement may encourage the flow of any feelings or emotions that may be festering in the body. Like it helps us to identify. Yeah, we're saying one thing, but what else are we needing to say? So the movement, the breathing, the meditation, the self reflection, there's much more of a somatic or whole body experience to be integrated into the therapeutic practices. And that's kind of what I see yoga therapy as. Like we go and we look for things that recenter rebalance, recalibrate us because we're off balance. And yoga therapy offers us tools to be able to identify those imbalances and then to be able to, through movement, meditation, breathing exercises, find balance for ourselves. So that's, that's how this all relates. And one of the ways that I'm looking at one of the clients that I'm working with, I won't say her name, I'll wait till the case studies out. But we came up with a relationship mission statement. She came to me because she wanted to figure out how to live with herpes. And she's someone who's into yoga herself. And as she and I were talking, you know, I let her know, hey, you know, this might not all be about herpes. So we ended up talking about her dating and relationships and her marriage, her past marriage and what she wants out of a relationship. And we got to talking about, you know, what she feels is her most self and that being more connected with her femininity after having had to be so masculine and doing and leading all the time that she just wants to be able to find someone that she can trust to lead. And so we came up with a relationship mission statement and we used Dr. Dacker's stars talk from episode 299 to help her get there. So it's not just get on the Mat and do some stuff. Like, there's a lot more complexity to it. And as I learn to communicate it better and more concise, like, you'll see and hear more from me about it. All right, now, getting into the episode, that was about an 8 minute intro. My bad. I ain't mean to do that. But y'all, I'm very pumped about yoga therapy and being able to offer this to y'all because people have wanted something and I don't think that I had anything to really give besides just a listening ear. And so now I'm learning. I'm learning to put this into practice. Not to say that you need to dump your therapist or whoever else it is that you're working with. In fact, yoga therapy can be a great complement to whatever it is that you're already doing. And I don't say, like, stop doing everything you're doing to see a yoga therapist. No, I won't say that. I don't say that. But if there is a specific thing that you're wanting to work on, it's not just a matter of getting coaching with Courtney, where I'm just like hyping you up and shit like that. No, we're looking at what's there. Taking your language, identifying what the narrative is, and then decide if we want to write a new story. And we'll do that through movement, breathing and meditation and self reflection. All right, okay, enough of that. But visit the yoga therapy tab@spfpp.org and yeah, you'll be able to work with me if that's what you choose to do. All right, now, actually getting into the episode, so I made some announcements about being more like, stepping away from the podcast, essentially, and doing a show. I keep having things happen where it feels like that's not the thing to do. And this has been going on probably since I started this podcast. Even where it feels like I need to redirect or I need to shift and the shift is just not shifting, if you know what I mean. Right? So I wanted to do this show on the last Tuesday of each month, but I don't. Maybe this is like something to start for 2025, but I don't know how many people are going to really show up to that. Right? Like, and maybe I just do it anyway, or maybe I just keep hosting the podcast, but I do a lot of trial and error things. And I want y'all to tell me, like, would you sit in on a live show? Are there concerns you have? What do you need in order to feel Safe with sitting in on a live broadcast of me talking about herpes and stigma and maybe even interviewing people as well. I would really like to have your input so that I can like, figure out myself what do I want to do with this? The podcast has been a great like resource. It's a free available resource for people to come get support. But there's a lot of episodes. And I think that one of the challenges I'm seeing is that Google may be seeing a lot of duplicate content and it's hurting me as far as people being able to find it. So part of me thinks, okay, well, it's time to just do something different. We stop this at episode 400 and then we make it a show. But like, I just, my board members, you know, they, they trust me to do what needs to be done. We vote on the things that are necessary to be done. But like, they're not the ones listening to the podcast. They're not the ones who are utilizing the resource. So I want to know from y'all so that I can like restructure what things are being done. I am prioritizing my part time job, I'm prioritizing yoga therapy training, and I'm hoping to be able to make this an exclusive priority. Unfortunately, through a lot of hard work, a lot of social media, a lot of sacrifice, been able to have this be a supplement of income to be able to pay my bills and be able to continue to do this. But in order for this to be sustainable long term, for the longevity of it, like, I really need to know what y'all are wanting. I know that people find a podcast. I have, there's 6,000 ish people a month who visit something positive for positive people. And I only know that because we have an ad grants campaign running where Google gives nonprofits $10,000 a month and search advertising. And so yeah, like, roughly I think we get like what's the click count? Like 140 clicks a day. But the impressions are through the roof. So people might not click the ad itself. But just this year we've got an over a hundred one on one support calls at this point. And I'm really busy and I have to be. I got to do better with the time that I have. So I'm wanting to hear more from y'all. Like, I need y'all to get involved with like the direction of this thing because I'll look up and just be, okay, well, I guess this is not what people are wanting. And then I'll get a message, hey, you haven't come out with a podcast in two weeks. What's wrong? It's like, damn. But life is happening, y'all. Life's happening. It's a little echoey in here. I just sold my tv. I'm getting rid of my stuff at this apartment that I just moved into on my own, which you probably heard about, like, in May, but I moved to New Jersey. I've been here six months. My girl and I are now moving in together. It's been a long enough time. It's been a while. So, yeah, I feel good about this. I ain't moved in with nobody since, what, 2017? No, 2016. And I was like, I ain't doing this again until it's been a year or plus. So we're past that year. Mark. I see this. Like I said, I. This. This the one. Now, with that being said, though, I am going to be inconsistent until we settle in. So I just want to set that expectation because of what my priorities are right now. Between moving, getting approved for this house. I gotta get new furniture. We gotta put the stuff in there. I am also working and the holidays are coming up, but that doesn't mean I'm neglecting y'all. And I'm also being more mindful of my social media consumption and use. So after I have something coming up with Plura, and I think that after that, like, y'all not gonna really see me active on social media. That's just not where I'm not seeing the engagement. Instagram doesn't really show my post. Like, I might just drop something and then get on, get off. If you need to contact me, you need to email me. I saw somebody that I had a conversation with on WhatsApp. I don't know how, but his message got into the archive and I opened it and this was from October. He, like, wanted to have another call and it's like, yo, why didn't you go through the website? That is the best way to get in touch with me. I'm not on my phone nearly as much as I use used to be. I am living life. I'm on the other side of this herpes. And my relationship is a primary focus and I'm working towards building and creating a family over the next few years. So, yeah, I. I think it was fair for me to just announce this and I want to shout out, man, I don't know if you want me to say your name, but there's a guy that regularly talk to too, and he's been real supportive from behind the scenes. And it was funny because after we went to go look for a house together, he sent me a voice message and he listened to the previous podcast episode and he was like, yo, whoever this girl is, you need to go ahead and marry her. Or like, yeah, you lock it down. It sound like she good for you. And she is. Like, she's definitely made me more grounded. Right? And here's the thing about relationships too, man. Like, I think that a lot of what I've been filtering, like, I see a lot more sex positivity, sex education, like, non monogamy stuff, like, just in my face. And like, I've chosen to follow it and the algorithm has pushed more of it in my face. And I've learned so much from non monogamy in terms of communication skills and that you can ask for things that you seemingly shouldn't be able to or have to ask for in a relationship with somebody, in a monogamous relationship with somebody, like, talking about, like, sex or talking about relationships or talking about, like, even other people. Like, you're not supposed to be able to talk about these things essentially. But being non monogamous has in fact taught me, like, how to navigate these and that I should be able to talk to my person about everything. And while, like, that may not be the case for most people, I think that it really is important to understand what you value, what your values are, especially when you're looking at compatibility with somebody. And I say this because it's relevant to herpes. I think a lot of us do this thing where we want someone to want to be with us so bad that we overlook everything else. Like, all of the other things that are there that could confirm incompatibility. We just simply dismiss or we just, we're like, oh, well, you know, they like me, and that's that. And it's like, nah, that ain't really how this supposed to work. Yeah. And so I hope to be able to get back to. Because I. I spoke to a lot of my experiences personally. So starting out, talking to other people and then starting out and I think now, like, coming full circle, it's really important that I do put my own personal experiences, like dating someone, being in a relationship for over a year with someone, as someone who's positive For Herpes, type 1 and 2, who's been in a relationship with someone who doesn't have either and hasn't shown any symptoms, at least we haven't had any concerns at all. And the relationship is just, it's. It's healthy, like, that that's it. And I'm able to speak to being on the other side of this. Like, I think I saw that the podcast, horrible decisions like rebranded or something and the way that it looks is just like a evolution of maturity. And while I'm not necessarily rebranding or anything, I'm more so announcing that there's a transition here of maturity because I'm not really getting a whole lot of podcast guests lately, in case you haven't noticed. But I also haven't been really putting things out there to get new podcast guests. I myself am probably going to be who's doing the most talking as we move forward, which I have been. I have been doing the most talking. But more so from a relationship perspective. I do have very strong beliefs that are being confirmed as I just look at the world. And even on social media, man, it's like two trains of thought, one of which is like divisive between men and women and then the other is like not on the Internet where it's like, nah, actually we need each other, other. And I think both demonize each other in a way. But that's something that I'll probably be exploring a little bit more throughout, throughout, like sharing my experiences. And as my algorithm's changing, I am seeing more couples, more monogamous couples who are in healthy relationships. And I'm hearing from a lot of people who've been in sex positivity or non masculinity monogamy who are just like, yo, I, this is what I want. And they want like simplicity. So there is a wave, there is a shift of, you know, people going out, haven't had their fun, did their things, built, you know, hopefully long standing relationships and connections and then really coming back to their version of home. And I think that because there's so little representation of what a healthy consciously monogamous relationship can look like, I think that we default to this, this non monogamy thing. I had my self Black Men's Emotional Wellness symposium and one of the conversations that we talked about was this idea of consciously conscious uncoupling. And with conscious uncoupling, like the guy, him and his wife, they separated consciously and they did some work and then they were able to get back together. Now everything else that's on the Internet will tell you you never spend the block, don't go back, you don't go back to your ex. That's toxic, right? But what if it's more toxic to just break up? What if it's more toxic to avoid and Be dismissive of the, the work that we have to do. Like I, I've been saying this shit for years that we don't become adults at 8 to 18 anymore. My dad had to go get a job when he was, before he was 18 because I was on my way. My mom, I remember she always had a job when I was little. And now we go from high school to college, or maybe not really having to go to college right away, maybe we got more leeway. We get this, live at home with our parents, we get to eat the groceries, we ain't gotta pay no bills. And there's a transition there of if we do go to school, we can be in school for up to eight years. And so we become 26 and we're eight years behind where we should have been when we were 18 years old, right? And some people, I'm not gonna say Everybody graduates at 26. Like I was done when I was 21, 22 years old, I did an extra semester to double major. But at 22 years old, like, I ain't no shit. Like, I knew that I didn't have help, so I needed to be real stingy with my money. And that got me to where I'm at now, fortunately, managing the money of two non profits and being a cheap ass all around, but still trying to get shit away for free, which I'm done doing because there was a, there was another issue. Like I wish that I could give away free shit, y'all, but I can't do that no more. It's unfortunate non profit wise. Like you got to give something. We, we can't. I had someone infiltrate my meeting, my Zoom meeting, and just everybody was supposed to register. This might have been someone who registered. It could have just been a troll. Like the trolling is real. So we got to have some upfront cost and added security. So the added security is going to have to come at a cost as well. But that's, that's different conversation relationships, right? So we, we talk about dating with herpes, but nobody talks about relationships with herpes. And as I'm in my relationship, like I remember we first started dating and I was like, oh, like we never talked about what are we going to do if you get herpes? She's like, all right, well if I got it, if I got it, I got it. Like, I was like, well, what better person to get it from? Because I know everything you need to know about it. And it's just been so stress free in that sense. There have been other things of Course that, you know, relationships come with conflicts. You learn each other, you learn in conflict resolution. There's like the transition period of going from being single to in a relationship to being in a relationship with the person you're with and not viewing them as past relationships and having to change patterns and habits. And from what I've seen, it's very much been a presence practice for me because I have had to be more mindful and I'm combating a lot of shit that I've been consumed by according to social media, right? Like your, like jealousy, being bad or toxic monogamy, things like your partner should never want to possess you and all of that. Like, and I think that we need to be more clear in that different people like different things. And for me, I've always identified as somebody who really, really, really wanted to be non monogamous. And last episode I think I deconstructed that. But I've learned that I can do either. But the thing for me is what I'm choosing to do, do. And I think that society teaches us that we don't have a choice. Like it takes our choice from us. And what intentionality, what consciousness can do and what me being in this monogamous relationship have done for me is bring more intentionality and presence into what it is that I really want. Like, what do I really like? I love being able to roll over and clap them cheeks in the morning without like the worry of, of oh, you got to go on a date today, blah, blah, blah. Like there's intensity and intense emotions that can come from that. That can be fear, that can be jealousy, that can be love and joy. And also like this playfulness and like this, this rage, right? Like what they call it, reclaiming your partner. Like after they go hook up with somebody and come back to you. Like, that's not appealing. Well, I guess I never had a person, you know that. But now like having my person, I, I haven't had to get tested or gotten tested since like a little bit into our relationship. Like when we became monogamous was like the last time that I got tested. And I, I, it's been nice not to say that you should be going to get tested. Like, I, I just, I know that that's not a concern on my radar. And because that's not a concern on my radar, I think that's freed me up psychologically and energetically to go to school, the yoga therapy, training, right? And I say that and it might sound crazy, but I look at what a healthy relationship can do you know, whatever your relationship orientation is, but as long as it aligns with you. And I've seen people on whatever end of the spectrum just, like, have these beautiful relationships and life outside the relationship. Like, when you are aligned, when you are, you know, taking care of yourself, you taking care of you, taking care of business, and you a unit. Like, I don't care what nobody say. There is things that I would not be able to or have been able to do without my girl. And flat out, because I was making decisions, I would arguably say that I wasn't making decisions, but I was doing things just unintentionally. Like, unintentionally. There was no intentionality, and I was just, like, doing whatever I wanted to do and unable to see how a lot of that was, how it did influence me and how it would influence me later. And there's examples I can probably give. I think about, like, just. Just. Just fucking. Like, if you want to just fuck, like, good for you, cool. But if your mind is on just fucking, what is your mind not on, right? Like, what are you not thinking? What are you not doing that you could be doing? And this is a question that I have to ask myself. I'm like, damn, you know what? When I was out here, when I was in Portland, like, Portland was a wild time for me. And I meet this woman, and I meet her out of town, like, doing what I do, like, work stuff for something positive. And we connected. Like, we really. We really connected. And over time, like, I got to experience an unfamiliar type of connection and connectedness where I was just used to people just wanting to fuck me. Or I was used to, like, there. There not being any, like, relationship intentionality. And part of another thing that I learned, too, is I'm responsible for leading those, especially as, you know, a man, and being the person who's like, all right, well, here's what that looks like. And a lot of times I found myself, like, asking people, what do you want? And with her, what was so different is I told her I was like, yo, this is what I want. I want this. You bout it. You. You coming along for this ride? Like, I don't even think I asked yesterday. She's like, you didn't ask me. You just told me we were in a relationship. Gotcha. Here we are. But yeah, there's more of that that I would like to speak to. And just using my experience as something on the other side of this to give people hope of being able to find your ideal relationship, right? And there's people who, you know, maybe need to get that out of your system. You need to date, you need to fuck, you need to have situationships. But let me be the one to tell you, man, Like, I this year have made the most money. I have trusted myself more than ever. Like, for perspective, last year I made $15,000. I found my taxes. Like, I cannot believe I would not be able to get no sign a lease anywhere, make. Have it made $15,000. And a lot of this is just as a result of consistency of connections of people who support me. Like, it may not be quantitatively a lot of people who do donate or who support or who don't do podcast episodes, but it is, in fact, qualitatively, like, a very significant value to them, and they've been able to make contributions that allow for me to be able to support myself through this platform. So I'm very grateful to y'all. I'm grateful to them, and I want to keep this one short. And I want y'all to have happy holidays, man. I know people like, what do you mean we're not celebrating? Fuck that shit. Like, I have way more positive memories around, you know, Christmas, New Year's, like, every year around New Year's, we got into a fight, me and my friends in high school. Every year, New Year's, and even a couple years after that. Like, I have really, like, pleasant memories of those times. And some of them haven't been pleasant, some were not pleasant. But it's really beautiful to be at a place of transition into just, like, a clean slate. So I challenge y'all to create an intention, have an intention for yourself. You know, maybe that intention can be to get some yoga therapy with Courtney. Like, I want y'all to come work with me for 12 weeks, and we see each other two to three times a week, and you get some homework, right? Like, if we can make that happen and I help you in that transition into the new year, like, that'd be dope. But also, no pressure. Maybe just listen to the podcast episodes. Maybe you come to some of the workshops and learn something. So I'll be putting together events for that to more. So I want to bring things inward. I've got one thing coming up with Plura, and that might be it. There's something in March for another platform as well. But I'm fucking locked in. Like, locked in is the best. Ooh, I just got chills when I said that. Or maybe because it's cold, but I'm locked the fuck in, y'all, so excuse me I did not mean to do that. Yeah, yeah, I look forward to this. We got our first training for healthcare professionals in February. It'll be in Phoenix, Arizona. We're going to be working with Affirm az. If you happen to be in Phoenix or you happen to know, like, a photographer, videographer, I really could use somebody to come capture this event so that I can use it for marketing materials. This is one of the first in person, herpes related, STI related things that I can, like, get proof of that we do, because so much of marketing and social media now is showing what you do more so than. Than doing it, and that's a really, really helpful thing for me. So if you happen to know of a photographer, videographer in Phoenix that's affordable because I'm. I'm over my budget for this thing, that would be super helpful. But yeah, in the meantime, y'all just keep in touch with the website. If you haven't subscribed to the newsletter, join the newsletter and you'll be able to see what we got coming up. I'm only working with 15 people at a time until we get to a transition of, like, maybe I meet with people once a week, but my peak is 15. And right now I have. I'm seeing three yoga therapy clients and then there are two who somebody signed up and then, like, reschedule. I don't know if she canceled on me, but I had to send a very thoughtful email. Was like, hey, please, let's be more respectful of time. Like, here's what we have to do moving forward. So I'm out here setting boundaries as well. So look at me, look at me. All right, y'all, I'm gonna go take my sniffling ass and clean this apartment up a little bit and get ready to show it. Hopefully somebody finna come in this thing, take over my lease, and yeah, I'll be recording podcast episodes as I can until I can get back into a routine of being in one place and having my set up to be able to come back consistently. All right, until next time.