Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People – SPFPP 379: Dating with Herpes - Should You Only Date People with the Same Type?
Release Date: July 31, 2025
Introduction
In episode 379 of Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP), host Courtney Brame engages in a heartfelt and insightful conversation with Javan, a guest navigating the complexities of dating while managing a herpes diagnosis. The episode delves deep into themes of stigma, intimacy, emotional wellness, and personal growth, offering listeners a nuanced perspective on living positively with herpes.
1. Guest Introduction and Background
Courtney Brame welcomes Javan, who shares his recent diagnosis with herpes and his initial struggle to understand and cope with it. Javan's candidness sets the tone for an open dialogue about the challenges and triumphs associated with living with herpes.
Notable Quote:
"I didn't think that people who had herpes were dirty or anything like that. I just thought, well, they've had some bad luck." – Javan [02:27]
2. Javan's Herpes Diagnosis and Initial Reactions
Javan recounts being diagnosed three months prior and his subsequent efforts to educate himself about the virus. Despite spending countless hours researching, he grapples with fears of unknowingly transmitting the virus during asymptomatic shedding phases.
Notable Quote:
"I have a fear, which perhaps is irrational, of passing it on unknowingly during my potential... asymptomatic shedding phases, which I will never know about because that's how it goes." – Javan [02:43]
3. Impact on Intimacy and Sexuality
Javan identifies as an extremely sexual person, expressing how his diagnosis has led him to deprive himself of penetrative and oral sex. This self-imposed restraint stems from a desire to understand his body better and to prevent transmission, highlighting the internal conflict between his sexual identity and health concerns.
Notable Quote:
"I have always loved being intimate. And I would say I'm an extremely sexual person. It's just that it's made me a little uncomfortable right now with myself." – Javan [05:39]
4. Dating with Herpes and Safety Concerns
The conversation shifts to Javan's approach to dating post-diagnosis. He emphasizes the importance of shared herpes types for potential partners, aiming to minimize transmission risks. Javan discusses his experiences on dating platforms like Tinder and Bumble, noting a cultural difference in attitudes towards sexual health in Europe compared to the Caribbean.
Notable Quote:
"I've never done that before... with the older one, we did not talk about it." – Javan [22:37]
5. Mental Health and Relationship Challenges
Javan opens up about his previous long-term relationship, revealing how his partner's declining libido and anxiety led to emotional repression and depression. The breakup, while painful, ultimately provided him with relief and the impetus to reevaluate his approach to relationships and intimacy.
Notable Quote:
"After getting rejected several times, I stopped trying because it made me feel terrible." – Javan [16:14]
6. Herpes Stigma and Community Support
Courtney and Javan discuss the stigma surrounding herpes and the vital role of community support in overcoming feelings of shame and isolation. Javan shares how support groups and friends have been instrumental in his journey towards acceptance and emotional healing.
Notable Quote:
"People who've had the virus for a long time, they've been willing to talk me through the first few weeks when I was a mess." – Javan [30:59]
7. Treatment and Management
Javan details his experience with antiviral treatments, highlighting the limitations he faces in Europe, where suppressive therapy is not readily accessible without a written prescription. His proactive approach to managing flare-ups demonstrates resilience and adaptability in handling his condition.
Notable Quote:
"I went to the doctor the next day. She prescribed me for 10 days and it went away quite quickly." – Javan [26:22]
Conclusion and Takeaways
The episode concludes with reflections on personal growth, resilience, and the ongoing journey towards living a fulfilling life with herpes. Courtney emphasizes the importance of self-care and community support, urging listeners to engage with the podcast's resources and support systems.
Notable Quote:
"I wish I could have told myself it's definitely gonna get better. And even if you do have another flare up, it's not gonna be anything like the first." – Javan [34:16]
Final Thoughts
SPFPP 379 offers a compassionate and comprehensive exploration of the realities of dating with herpes. Through Javan's narrative, listeners gain valuable insights into managing stigma, fostering healthy relationships, and maintaining emotional well-being. Courtney Brame's empathetic hosting ensures that the conversation remains both supportive and empowering, embodying the podcast's mission to guide individuals back to wholeness.
Additional Resources
For more information on upcoming events, support groups, and to stay connected with Something Positive for Positive People, visit SPFPP.org and subscribe to the newsletter for updates and opportunities to engage with the community.