Podcast Summary

Podcast: Something Positive for Positive People

Episode: SPFPP 388 – The More We Do A Thing
Date: October 10, 2025
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Guest: Rachel

Episode Overview

This episode of "Something Positive for Positive People" centers around the journey of living with herpes, the impact of stigma on dating, personal growth, and the importance of therapy and supportive community. Host Courtney and guest Rachel openly discuss the challenges and strategies for coping with a herpes diagnosis, the complexities of disclosure, self-rejection, and finding empowerment and normalcy through connection and community.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Announcements & Organizational Updates [00:00–05:23]

• Courtney announces an upcoming Episode 400 celebration event—a talent show/karaoke in Brooklyn, NY on Dec 12, 2025, aiming to build community.
• Support groups are held virtually every Monday at 7:30pm ET, alternating between women’s and men’s groups, with resources for trans/non-binary and LGBTQ+ individuals available on the website.

Introduction of Guest & Discovery of SPFPP [05:23–07:38]

• Rachel introduces herself and shares her discovery of SPFPP through a referral from her therapist:

  “It was the first time experiencing something similar to this. …the most positive initial experience I had since getting the diagnosis and feeling like there’s so few resources or so few people I can connect with.” [05:53, Rachel]

The Role of Therapy in Coping with Diagnosis [07:38–14:57]

• Rachel describes her immediate turn to therapy after receiving her diagnosis:

  “I received the diagnosis and received like, a pamphlet that was like, ‘Your life’s not over for the turn.’ I was like, ‘Opposite effect this is having currently in my life.’” [08:21, Rachel]

• She discusses initial isolation, cost barriers for therapy, and how prioritizing therapy was key for her healing, even when finances were strained.

• Courtney comments on the paradox of needing therapy in order to afford therapy and prioritizing self-care.

  “It was a cycle of doing what I needed to do for myself led to me being able to do more for myself.” [12:06, Courtney]

• They address the tension between using therapy as a tool versus becoming over-reliant, and the process of outgrowing week-to-week therapy as healing progresses.

Diagnosis Story and Initial Impact [17:43–21:06]

• Rachel candidly recounts her diagnosis at 30: a journey involving multiple health complications, confusion, and eventual confirmation through her doctor. She highlights the trauma and emotional turmoil of contracting herpes after a night out.

  “I teach fitness classes…I was into health and wellness. But I wasn’t really taking care of myself. And…I take so much better care of myself. That’s certainly been a reflection of this diagnosis.” [20:16, Rachel]

Dating After Diagnosis [21:06–33:02]

• Rachel’s first post-diagnosis disclosure led to a negative reaction, but a subsequent rekindled relationship brought her nearly a year of feeling “normal.”
• She describes the sharp return of insecurity and self-rejection post-breakup:

  “Now I have to, like, meet new people and put myself out there…and I found myself kind of cutting myself off before it progressed into anything physical.” [23:13, Rachel]

• Courtney and Rachel discuss the roots of self-rejection—internalizing societal messages and anticipating rejection.

Memorable Moment

• Courtney shares his own struggle with self-rejection, describing how social narratives (“women bashing men for coming up and talking to them”) made him hesitant to approach:

  “I catch myself, like, having been so focused on ‘this isn’t the setting, that person probably not here’… I’m approaching this interaction with the outcome in mind that we’re going to not even exchange names…” [24:38, Courtney]

Navigating Dating Apps and Community [33:02–35:08]

• Rachel experiments with a herpes-specific dating app but finds it unsatisfying:

  “I have been on that thing for two weeks and I’m like…There’s no one. Like, there’s like four people in my city.” [27:21, Rachel]

• Both discuss authenticity and identity on dating platforms, and how connecting with others who understand the diagnosis can both help and limit self-perception.

Experiences with Disclosure to Friends and Family [36:46–38:59]

• Rachel has told only a few close friends and family, receiving mixed reactions:

  “My, my younger sister and my mom are two people that know and like…they seem to be like, sad for me almost, which, like, isn’t helpful.” [37:07, Rachel] “One of my friends that I shared with is such a sex positive person…immediately was like, I know people, like she is someone who immediately was supportive.” [37:50, Rachel]

• The emotional labor of disclosure, fear of gossip, and selective sharing are discussed.

The Importance of Community & Identity Beyond Diagnosis [38:59–44:02]

• Courtney emphasizes the need for community to remind individuals of their identity outside of herpes.

  “We immediately absorb and project how we think people think of us, rather than how people actually do see or think of us, because we wear…we lose it, like, we really just get lost in it.” [39:10, Courtney]

• Rachel talks about the ongoing exercise in therapy to “write about yourself and all the things that make you you.”
• They discuss avoiding reducing oneself to a diagnosis in dating, and the risk of forming relationships solely based on shared status.

Empowerment, Choice, and Taking Risks [44:02–53:08]

• Courtney reframes disclosure as empowering by giving others informed choice:

  “We are empowered with the ability to give others that choice for themselves. And there’s power in that.” [44:43, Courtney]

• Rachel shares a story about a man willing to travel for her, only to refuse sex upon re-disclosure—highlighting complex realities of post-diagnosis dating.

  “I can still have this diagnosis and fly to a different country and meet a man…and then it felt like, oh, no, I can’t do that because of this. Which, again, is also not true.” [49:16, Rachel]

• Both reflect on the value of community, support groups, and refusing to limit oneself or accept defeatist narratives.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It was like catching up with someone and talking about a new restaurant we had both been to. And like the normalcy of how that felt was so important for I think where I was at…” [06:33, Rachel]
• “The more you do a thing, the better you get at it. Going into therapy made me better for wanting to be in therapy and then therapy made me better at doing the things that [are] outside of there.” [12:26, Courtney]
• “Self-rejection…has nothing to do with herpes. It’s that. But that’s…the interesting part I think…is that is something I realized so much more recently.” [26:12, Rachel]
• “There is something so different to be able to talk to people in that space, and…remind me that I may be further along than I give myself credit for.” [51:29, Rachel]
• “If we’re rejected, we’re rejected for being incompatible with who we’re trying to assess for compatibility. But if herpes is at the forefront, we’re looking exclusively based on that.” [39:45, Courtney]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–05:23 – Intro, organizational updates, description of support offerings
• 05:23–07:38 – Rachel introduces herself, highlights first contact with SPFPP
• 08:10–14:57 – Sharing with therapists, coping mechanisms, cost/priority of therapy
• 17:43–21:06 – Rachel’s diagnosis story and personal context
• 21:06–23:43 – Dating experiences post-diagnosis, first disclosures
• 24:37–27:03 – Self-rejection, internalized stigma, impact of social narratives
• 32:21–35:08 – Role of authenticity in herpes-specific dating, integration of self
• 36:46–38:59 – Telling friends and family, reactions, social support
• 38:59–44:02 – Identity beyond herpes, value of community for personal growth
• 44:02–53:08 – Empowerment through disclosure, narrative of choice, support groups

Takeaways and Reflections

• Therapy and community play vital roles in navigating stigma and fostering healing.
• Disclosure to therapists, friends, and partners brings both challenges and opportunities for support.
• Self-rejection and internalized stigma—often rooted in societal narratives—are significant hurdles, regardless of diagnosis.
• Empowerment comes from choice: both in how/when to disclose and in refusing to limit one’s options.
• Dating post-diagnosis is complex but not impossible—experience, care, and self-compassion matter most.
• Support groups and hearing others’ stories offer perspective and reminder of growth over time.

Closing Remarks

Both Courtney and Rachel affirm the value of personal storytelling and collective support in deconstructing stigma. Rachel encourages listeners to seek community and not to let diagnosis define their identity or limit dating and connection. Courtney reiterates that the purpose of the podcast and organization is to empower choice and promote healing through honest dialogue and solidarity.

For more information, support, or to be a guest, visit: SPFPP.org
Virtual support groups: Mondays, 7:30pm Eastern
Next in-person event: Dec 12, 2025, Brooklyn, NY