C (3:08)

How long ago before what?

A (3:10)

Yeah, so, like, you were diagnosed a year ago, and then you reached out to. You started looking at resources, and then you reached out to Aaron. Like, how soon after your diagnosis was that?

C (3:20)

That was, like, months later. I was dying in August. And April. And April, right.

B (3:28)

Yeah. Like, end of March, beginning of April. She reached out to me.

A (3:33)

What was the. So what's your side of this? You on the other side of it? All right, so she shared her end of it.

B (3:39)

What.

A (3:39)

What was your.

B (3:41)

I mean, yeah, she. She. She said it pretty straight and clear. It was just randomly reached out to me. I thought she was a catfish. You know, like, how you get, like. You know how, like, you get a random Instagram message from somebody? Right. So she just hit me with, like, the hey. And I'm looking like. You know how somebody just sends you, like. Like the standard yellow emoji, you know? I mean, you know, you can customize emojis to make it look like your skin tone. I'm looking like, oh, boy. Like, what did I do today to get. To get this? But not yet. We were chatting, just talking about it, and then, yeah, we hit it off. We, um, exchanged numbers. She actually gave me the wrong number. Actually, um, initially, she gave me the wrong number. Facts. She gave me the wrong number. And I got to tell this because this is a part of the story. It was hilarious. I ended up texting her the following day, introducing myself, and then it was the wrong number. So somebody like, who is this how you get my number? When did I do this? I just told her, reach out to me, and she reached out. But then, yeah, we just hit it all. We were just talking about, you know, diagnosis, getting to know one another, interesting where each other lived, all that stuff, and we just hit it off and, you know, everything's been good since.

A (5:02)

Yeah. So, Aaron, you ain't expect this. I know. Speaking about, like, how difficult it is for me to get people to be on camera and be guests that are, like, cool with that. I don't know that I've ever considered it being any type of a benefit necessarily, but I've always been more erring on the side of caution for people. Like, if you're not comfortable with being on camera, then, you know, we don't have to do that. And I can't remember what our conversation was about, being on camera, but you kind of just had this. I don't really care attitude. But I don't think you ever expected, like, did you expect something like this to happen?

B (5:45)

No, I actually. I forgot that I did the podcast episode, honestly. So whenever she did reach out to me, she said, like, yeah, I seen your pod. And I'm like, what is she talking about? Like, I ain't do no podcast. And I'm like, what is she talking about? But then I had to remember when she said courtney and pot, I was like, ah, I did do that last year, but I didn't expect anything out there. I didn't expect for anybody to really, like, contact me or anything like that.

A (6:11)

Yeah, I think a lot of people be expecting the complete opposite of this. Like, people gonna reach out to you like, ew, you got herpes. And, like, that's literally something that's never happened. And so, Drea, can you talk to me about, like, what it was like, first off, you're a black woman, and seeing a black man, like, what did that do for you? I know you said you reached out with the intention of being friends, but there's a lot of women who are fairly open about their status, the advocates and women who might make a post or something that are easy to find. But what was it that drew you in when you saw a black man open. Open about his herpes?

C (6:50)

I really admire that. Like, that he did that. Well, that both of y' all do that, because usually black people in general are pretty quiet about it. Like, they don't really talk about it, especially on camera. Like, all these people are gonna see it. So I admire that. I didn't actually start seeing black women post about until as of recently, like, on Tick Tock. So I really didn't see that. I. I really didn't see that at all anywhere on the Internet. Forgot what else you also asked me, though.

A (7:20)

No, I just asked if it did anything for you. Like, what did it do, seeing a black person, Black man being open about their status, I guess, as opposed to seeing other women being open about it. But you just shared, too, that you didn't really see many black women until more recently.

C (7:39)

Yeah.

A (7:41)

And so this. This developed into a relationship. Is that. Is that accurate?

B (7:45)

Am I.

A (7:46)

Am I reading into that?

B (7:47)

Right?

C (7:48)

Yes.

A (7:49)

All right, tell me. Tell me that story. Either one of y' all can share that. Like, how. How did that happen?

C (7:57)

I'll. I'll let Aaron tell it. I'll let him tell it. And if he starts saying incorrect stuff now, I'm gonna.

B (8:08)

It's funny. I'm laughing because we've been trying to, like, practice. Like, where was that? No, we've been trying to, like, figure out, like, the exact moment as to, like, what happened, like, when it. When it. When it switched. But it was one of those things where. So from my perspective, I didn't really expect too much out of it. I expected us to just be in communication. You know, we talk here and there, but I didn't expect it to progress into anything further. But it was, like, one of those things. Like, we started, you know, like, talking every day. We were on FaceTime every day. We started doing, like, Bible study. And, like, through Bible study, we started learning a little bit more about each other. And then it became, like, very natural to where we would just call, like, every day. Just call, call, call. But I don't know. Like, I can't give a point in time as to, like, where it, like, actually flipped. It was kind of, like a mutual thing. And then it was just, like, I would say after we met in person, it was like, okay, like, I can see myself with you now. You know, like, maybe we can kick it up a little bit more and see where this actually goes. And then I guess that's where it kind of, like, really took off from.

A (9:32)

Andrea, you got anything to add to that?

C (9:37)

No, I don't, but I, like, agree. Like, when we met in person, for sure, that's when I was like, yeah, this can be something.

A (9:44)

All right, I got two things I want to speak to. One I wrote in the chat for myself to remember, so I won't lose that. But it's. It's interesting. I was having a conversation with somebody about this today about how when people are very forthcoming about wanting a relationship, it's almost like it's more difficult to get into a relationship, maybe because of that added pressure.

B (10:10)

Right.

A (10:10)

Like, I imagine that the organic development into what was, like, you were both receptive to the magic of what possibilities could come out of it, and then just so seamlessly entering into a relationship like that. That's cool. I. I just think that that's cool because the conversation I was having with somebody, even today, was about how challenging it is to date for a relationship when, you know, a lot of people want different things or aren't clear in what it is that they're communicating and saying verbally. But it's almost like there was something going on beyond words that drew y' all together. And it was something beyond just, like, what you see and get out of dating. And it sounds like a friendship was the core starting point of what this Began to develop into. Is that. Is it accurate to say that?

C (11:13)

I think what also help with the friendship is the fact that we have, like, distance, too, a bit. So we actually, like, have to really get to know each other and take the time out of our day to, like, talk to each other.

A (11:26)

Thanks for saying that. Because two. Yeah. The distance. So you got to know each other beyond, like, being in a shared presence in space and, like, maybe even, like, being able to touch each other or kiss or have sex. Right. Like, intimacy was developed. It was almost like the connection was. And what I'm doing with my hands right now is just kind of, like, expanding this. This bub connection. And y' all both were contributing to that. And so coming together and being able to see each other was like, damn, look what we. Look at all the stuff we got in common, and this is the icing on the cake, rather than the physicality of it or the physical attraction being, like, the foundation and then everything else being icing on the cake. Don't nobody want no cake. They got, like, a ton of icing on it. You know what I'm saying? So that. That's cool to hear. The other thing was Bible study. So both of y', all, like, is there a shared value in regards to religion?

B (12:28)

Yeah, I think for. So, like, it's funny because we kind of had, like, a similar journey as well. Like, and we talked about it, but, like, we both ended up back in, like, Christianity. And so she's a little. She's a little bit more advanced than I am when it comes to, like, reading the Bible and everything. But, like, it was like, I'm like, yeah, like, I'm just starting my journey out. I'm learning how to read. I'm reading it. You know, I might read one verse. I might read this verse. I might read this. And so she was honestly helping me with that. And then as we were doing it, we would, you know, read something, and then we just talk about how it applies to our life at some point in time or even currently. And I think that was really, like, the basis of. It was like, okay, like, you know, like, religion and spirituality is the basis. But then in this, as we do this, let's talk about each other, and let's talk about, like, and let's see where this goes. And I think that was really helpful in, like, cultivating a friendship.

A (13:32)

Gray, anything you want to add? All right, so you were the one that Aaron says you're more advanced, right? So what's your religion background? How did religion play a Role in your life, I guess, even upon diagnosis. Right. Like, did you fall deeper into your faith, or did you feel like your faith was challenging you? What's the connection?

C (14:04)

I grew up, like, with family who were Christian, but I never really, like, believed, and it was just kind of like me, like, just doing what they were doing. I guess when I. I guess later on, I started believing in it on my own. And then with the diagnosis I did have, I did lean on it a little more, just to help with me, like, help me mentally get through it. And then as time went on with the diagnosis, it did kind of get hard to still want to believe, because it's just, like, why? You know, the kind of questions we all probably had.

A (14:39)

Yeah, 100%. And I found that in hard times. I'm in yoga therapy training now, so it might not be Christianity, it might not be Catholicism or any of the other religions that are out there, but what I find is that there's a commonality in people's capacity for healing and being able to move through challenging things when they are able to lean into and lean on whatever it is that they believe in their faith. And there's, like, yoga words for it, there's language in Christianity, but it's really finding that identity outside of your body. Because now, especially getting this diagnosis early on, it can be like, my body is not safe for me. My body is not a place that I want to be. So where else can we be? We be outside ourselves with drugs, alcohol, various addictions, or we can lean into and go deeper into whatever it is that grounds us in our faith or spirituality or our core beliefs. So it's cool. It's cool to hear that, like, that's been something for you and that it's anchored you. And also, like, y' all are able to share that thing. Throughout the process of getting to know each other, especially from a distance. What are some ways that you've been able to. To connect and learn that you are compatible?

B (16:16)

I'm laughing because that's a good question. I think, like. I think, like, we're willing to talk about any and everything. Like, we're willing to talk about, like, as, like, random as it is, like, broken bones and scars or something like that, as it might be to, like, reflecting on, like, high school, like, where we currently are. How does that look? I think we just, like, an open book. Like, I know for me, what I like to say is, like, he like to say, like, I'm a crackhead a little bit, so I give crackhead energy. So Like, I can go on a spectrum. I could talk about colors all the way to talk about weather to where I could talk about something as far as an instrument. So like, I think for me, like, I think what I was just covering any type of basis and just understanding that there's like having that open mindedness that we have a story to tell. I'm always asking her, like, you ever, like, you ever think about this? What's your thoughts on that? Like, have you ever done this? Have you heard of this? What does that look like? And like, she'll do the same for me and she'll teach me stuff, I'll teach her stuff. So I think it's that just talking about like differences as well as commonalities. And like one of the biggest differences that we talk about is maybe like northern versus southern things, you know, like there's, it's a different culture between here versus there. So I think that's really something that we get to discuss. And as we discuss that, we reflect on porn. Like, oh, like, did it. Was this something that happened? Like, I don't like, like, did you know about like the baggy white tees? Was that popular back then? Or like, did like, was the Wiz Khalifa patch a trend in y' all city? Like, what about like army fatigue? Was that a trend? Like, okay, like, same up here. So like, it's things like that that like you just see how like, even though we're in two separate areas, like the world is connected when it comes to culture. Yeah.

A (18:19)

Andrea, what about you?

C (18:23)

Yeah, same deal. We just talk to each other every day and random topics. I don't, I don't like, there's nothing really planned out. It's just like talking every day.

A (18:33)

So what? Nobody trying to play it cool and like you legit? All right, so I, I'm trying to, I'm just making sure you wasn't scheming. You just was like, hey, I just wanna, I just need a friend right now. And that's what this is, legit. What happened?

C (18:50)

Yes. Okay, but I will say this. When I seen him on FaceTime, I did think he was very attractive. And that's when I was like, okay, I could, you know, I thought he was a child.

A (19:00)

All right, so FaceTime to me looked just the same as that little tick tock.

C (19:04)

No, it did not.

A (19:05)

All right, my bad.

B (19:06)

All right.

C (19:11)

I'll let you have it.

B (19:13)

No, no, no, no, no. Tell him what you told me about when you say when he see me in that clip. Yeah, go ahead and say that.

A (19:21)

What was it? What you say? What you say?

B (19:26)

He didn't look.

A (19:33)

You said, he look. He didn't look. 29. Is that what you said? What you said?

C (19:38)

No, he just didn't look. He didn't look as what? As great as he looks on FaceTime and in person. That's what I said.

A (19:45)

All right, all right. And then, Eric, you. You mentioned. Oh, wait, you said getting catfish because you got the wrong number. You weren't saying, like, catfish because she looked different or anything?

B (19:55)

No, I did. Like, I always would tell her that, like, she looks different. I don't know what it could be. I don't know if it's the glasses. I don't know. It's the aesthetics. I don't know what it is. But I was telling her, like, you look like two, three different people. I'm like. So I'm like, between you looking like two, three different people to you, sending these emojis with the. With the yellow hand and your brown screen. I was like, it just ain't add up to me. And then the phone thing didn't even help. Like, I'm like, yeah, no, I'm cool. Like, leave me alone.

A (20:28)

Yeah. Hey, you gotta at least change the hair color on the emojis if you're gonna say that.

C (20:34)

That's how you know I was just coming. Oh, and cool, because I put hey, with the yellow hand. Right?

A (20:44)

That's. That's dope, man. I'm. I'm excited that, one, y' all were willing and able to, like, have this conversation with me. And two, I'm glad that so much time has passed, too, because I remember. I wouldn't go say that, but I remember Aaron had sent me. He was like, hey. He's like, something happened in here. I was like, oh. Like, that's tight. I didn't think anything of it. And then here we are, like, months later. Like, I saw the picture, y'.

B (21:11)

All.

A (21:11)

I was like, this still going on. That's tight. Like, I. I.

B (21:16)

It.

A (21:16)

It just warms my heart, and it makes me smile big. I got. I got a bunch of rejection letters from Grants I applied for. And then, like, all of a sudden, timing wise, I'm seeing, like, there is impact being had, whether it be direct or indirect. But, like, Aaron, your decision to come on here and share your experience and your story and to have been somebody too willing to put your face out there, right? Like, I think that this is the side of living with herpes that a lot of people don't see, don't get. And it's so insignificant. Like, y' all connected over herpes. And then, like, how much do y' all actually talk about it? Or how much did y' all actually talk about it?

B (21:58)

No, we don't. We don't talk about it at all. Like, one of the biggest things, like, during our conversation was I thought she was going to come at me, and she was just going to be like, all right, we're going to talk about this 24 7. And I honestly was prepared to tell her, like, yeah, I'm not talking about this 24 7. Like, but then we don't talk about it at all. Like, and we even had a conversation about it to where I'm not going to speak on her behalf, but I know what she told me was something like, yeah, like, I forget about it. Like, I just feel like. Like, I feel normal. Like, and I just. Like, it is normal. I was just like, it's something that you forget about. You just be like, oh, like, I. Like, I forgot I had it until somebody reminds me of it. And, like, usually whenever we have this conversation, I'll tell her, like, no, like, I forgot that I had it. You know, I mean, like, the same way I forgot about the podcast, I was like, I forget because I don't get any outbreaks. I don't get no shingles. So I'm just out here just living, like, oh, okay.

A (22:57)

And then drea for you.

C (23:01)

Yeah, we don't really talk about it. Like you said, for me, I. I forget about it, too. And then also, like, just being in contact with him, like, he. Like, he just showed me a little bit, like, I could live a regular, normal life. Like, seeing him just, like, live regularly, not really think about it, kind of made me do the same thing.

A (23:23)

Yeah, that's incredible. And I think something that I feel like I have to at least mention or bring up, like, I'm not feeling that here, but is people's. People's avoidance of it. I don't feel like this is an avoidance of it necessarily. I think that it's the realization of how irrelevant it is unless you have outbreaks or unless you need to have a conversation about it. There's really nothing to talk about in regards to herpes and stigma, and people let it affect their lives so much to. Even to the point where they won't date, they won't make a friend. Right. You came in, you wouldn't like, man, I got to make this man my husband. I got to do everything right. You went into it, like, looking for a friend, and I Think that that speaks to not being outcome driven, but more so just along for the journey and willing and able to navigate that as opposed to whatever the alternative is, right? Locking into. I gotta make this happen. Because people feel that shit. People feel that pressure. And when you get into the dating and disclosing world, like, that pressure can build up and add up. Whereas, like, where are you sliding his DMs at? On Instagram? Or was it TikTok? Or was it was Instagram? All right, so I've been saying this a lot lately to my friends, but, like, Instagram is probably the best dating app, as opposed to your tenders, your, Your field, your hands, your. That website that we won't mention all of those, right? You get a handful of pictures and what people want you to know. Whereas on Instagram you get to see what people are about. You even get to see what people follow, what their interests are, what are they liking, right? And you can kind of, as crazy as it might sound, that information is there and it's out there and you have that to weigh people up against. So when you slide in his DMs, I want to know much, like, how much scrolling you did, how far back did you go?

B (25:25)

How.

A (25:26)

Because I know women, women, women know. I didn't even know you could see what a person liked or what they commented on from years ago until, like, I was with my ex. And so I ain't know none of that. So did you do any of that? Did you do your research on.

C (25:44)

No. Okay, so I looked at his Instagram, but he, he only has like two, three pictures, so I just looked at the picture. So I really couldn't even do anything if I wanted.

B (26:02)

All right?

A (26:02)

And then, well, I guess like, this ain't, this ain't something that's happened to you before. Is it like somebody sliding your dms and, and.

C (26:19)

What you.

B (26:19)

What do you mean? Clarify? Clarify.

A (26:21)

I guess, like, Well, I guess the question was really more for Drea. I'm curious to, like, how. Because you don't hear about. I think in my bubble, right, a lot of times women think that the man should pursue them. And I think that what I see more consistently now is that the people who are in these more long term relationships, it's like a good dude who maybe was pursued by a good woman in some capacity. And I'm meeting more women who are like, yeah, if I like a guy, like, I'll flirt, I'll say something, I'll make it known that I'm interested. Like, they'll do A thing like that. So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if. If, like, the. The success rate. Maybe that was more of a question for you. Dre, you ever done this before? No. You lying because you smiling, like, just shaking your head.

C (27:28)

No, I haven't.

A (27:31)

There we go. Why now? Like, why. Why this time specifically, was it that you were so desiring connection, friendship, because of herpes stigma? Was this. What. What. What. What gave you the charge and motivation to do it, to reach out?

C (27:56)

Well, I figured since he was. I don't know, I just thought he was very brave to go on there. I just. I really wanted to talk to.

A (28:05)

It was a bravery thing then. So you've got this intangible aspect of a person's identity outside of the herpes diagnosis. So, yeah, people have herpes. People have it and know. People have it and don't know. People are open about it. People aren't open about it. But for. What you saw was this man took something so stigmatizing, and it took a very specific type of person to be willing to put their face out there and talk about this thing. And it was the bravery that drew you in that you were attracted to initially. Is that. Is that a yeah. I don't want to speak for you. I mean, to say today, but people think I'm making stuff up.

C (28:49)

Bravery.

A (28:50)

You try not to stroke his ego. Is that what it is?

C (28:53)

Yes, because he's gonna get off this call. You thought I was brave?

A (29:01)

You're like, yeah, yeah, you gotta call me brave Aaron now. And I. When we talked about it, Aaron, it didn't seem like you had any type of agenda or nothing. You were just like, I'm just sharing my story. So for you, this is just who you are. You were very present for our podcast, for our interview, and I think that that speaks volumes to this, because it's so easy to overthink something like this and talk yourself out of it. And nobody expected this to happen, but here we are.

B (29:36)

Yeah, I didn't expect this to happen at all. Like, I always say that. Like, I was like, I didn't expect this to happen like this. I didn't expect her to reach out. I didn't expect it to take this route. I was just like, you know, whatever happens, happens. But now I'm like, we're here now. But even with us being here, I'm like. I feel like I hit the jackpot now. So I'm like, this is like. I'm like. I was like, we have this saying, and it's from a video. But, like, we say, like, we're locked in like gorilla glue now, and it's from this video, this, like, older couple. But, like, that's how I feel about it. Like. Like, everything's good. Like, everything goes very well. Like, we, like, we have a great connection. We have great chemistry. So it's just like. Like, I can't see this going wrong. Like, something drastically bad would have to happen in order for things to go wrong. But I'm like, I can't see things going wrong. Yeah.

A (30:37)

I mean, can't nobody get in your own way but you. Like, that's really what it is. And, like, I'm. I'm seeing y' all even on mute, like, how y' all responding to each other saying certain things, like, this is. This is dope, man. And I want to just leave this at, like, the. The high point that it's at. It's been about 30 minutes. I appreciate y' all willingness to come on here and let this be a public thing. I speak to a lot of particularly women of color. I have my first men's group on this upcoming Monday, and. And then I'll be able to get a little bit more insight about, you know, what men are focused on and struggling with right now, but the women of color. And I want to ask you this drift from your perspective. I know, like, you are more newly diagnosed. It's been over a year. Like, a little bit over a year. But, yeah, something that has come up is that these women fear that no one's going to want them, that they're not going to be able to get into a relationship, that they are only going to be able to date at a lower caliber of a person. And I just wonder if there's anything that you have to say from your own experience that could be useful to these women.

C (32:00)

That's. Honestly, it's hard. I mean, of course, don't settle for less than. Because of herpes. It's very insignificant. Like, I don't think about it at all. It is tough when you first find out, and you may feel that way for a little while, but someone will definitely love you for you. If they're for you, they will be for you.

A (32:31)

Okay, Guru. And then, Aaron, like, I know we've already done our podcast episode, and from that place that you were right, like, again, you didn't see your life going in the way that it is or that you. You didn't see yourself being at least in this relationship, not this way. And I wonder if there's anything that you have to share. Maybe if there is a guy that's listening to this. Right. Any guidance that you would have for someone who's looking for a relationship.

B (33:12)

Yeah, I know. I think this is applicable for, you know, ladies and gentlemen, you know, and anyone else out there. I don't listen. I don't want to get canceled. I don't want to do anything. So individuals out there, you know, however you identify yourself. This is for anybody, though, I think a general rule of thumb to live by just living in your truth. That's the easiest way to go about it. Like, I lived in my truth, and then, you know, like, I'm reaping the benefits now, like, years later. But I just say, like, while you on your journey, live your truth. You know what I mean? Like, while you are stepping into the light and you are accepting yourself for where you're at, you know, you may come across individuals who have interest in you. And if you disclose to them, never be afraid to disclose to them first and foremost, like, that's who you are. And as Dre said, if someone doesn't accept you for you, then, you know that's not your person. Your person is going to love every aspect of you, including hsv, and they're going to show you and make you feel like it's insignificant, the same way I do for her. So I just say, just keep living in your truth, because the right one's going to love every. Every part of you, even. Even the flaw. So I just say keep doing it. You know, I mean, you'll find the person for you. You'll find your community. And when you do it, you'll see that all the work that you did behind closed doors and how you stay true to yourself will pay off.

A (34:49)

Boom, mic drop. We can low key ended there. That concludes this episode of Something Positive for Positive People. Please like Ray Review. Dre, did you want to say something? Oh, I thought you made a face. My bad. Please like Ray Review. Share subscribe to this podcast and yeah, I like this. This is very wholesome, man. And I appreciate Yalls willingness to hop on this quick call. I'm gonna let y' all go for the rest of night if y' all can stay on for a few minutes just so I can check in with y' all to see how that was. I appreciate it. But, yeah, if you got a success story, love story or something, like, hit me up and maybe we can do this as well. It's always nice to just know that people ain't letting this get in the way. And like I said, like, getting denied for grants is annoying, but, you know, this is what makes it worth it, right? Like, this is. This is priceless. And I'm just excited to be able to facilitate a conversation that, you know, allows for people to get to a place where they get their power of choice back, and then they exercise that and they get what it is that they want. All right, till next time, stay present.