Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People

Episode 390: Herpes Changed Me

Date: October 19, 2025
Host: Courtney W. Brame (A)
Guest: Rachel (B)

Episode Overview

This episode of Something Positive for Positive People centers on the transformative and ongoing journey of living with a herpes diagnosis. Host Courtney W. Brame is joined by Rachel, who shares candidly about her diagnosis, her healing process, the role of therapy, dating after diagnosis, self-rejection, stigma, and the importance of community. The episode offers a powerful look at integrating a stigmatized health condition into one’s life and relationships, with warmth, humor, and practical insights.

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Announcements and Framing the Episode

(00:00–05:23)

Courtney announces upcoming episode 400 celebrations, support group meeting info, and emphasizes the ongoing mission to minimize herpes stigma through community and open discussion.
Clarifies format and intent of support groups for men, women, and resources for non-binary/LGBTQ people.
Sets the stage for a deeply personal conversation: "I've moved on and there is a healing process... but I'm still a little bit hesitant and resistant to share my dating experiences..." (03:57)

2. Rachel’s Introduction & Her First Encounters with SPFPP

(05:23–07:38)

Rachel explains how her therapist connected her to SPFPP, which became an essential early source of support.
Describes feeling “an immediate sense of normalcy and positivity, which was so important for where I was at and where I want to continue to get to.” (06:00)
Notes the impact of hearing other people's stories and the relative lack of relatable resources for those newly diagnosed.

3. Therapy’s Role in Post-Diagnosis Healing

(07:38–16:37)

Both discuss the value, accessibility, and possible dependency on therapy post-diagnosis.
Rachel shares that her therapist was “the first person I told... quite literally within an hour, I texted my therapist.” (08:22)
Financial barriers and the paradox: needing therapy to function, but not always being able to afford it.
Rachel: "I need to take care of me to then be able to do all these other things." (11:45)
Therapy helped Rachel move through internalized stigma and begin sharing the diagnosis with a small circle (therapist, two best friends, mom, sister, partner).

4. Navigating Dependency in Therapy & Applying Tools

(12:43–16:37)

Courtney brings up the balance between using therapy for support vs. over-dependence: "Where's the line...between processing in therapy and handling things on your own?" (14:57)
Rachel notes: “For a while, there’s lag time... but now I’m at a point where, I've been in it for so long... now I just want to figure out what I need to do to feel better. And I know that's not just me going to therapy.” (16:15)

5. Diagnosis Story and Initial Emotional Fallout

(17:43–21:06)

Rachel recalls her August 2023 diagnosis post-30th birthday, a series of misdiagnoses and intense illness, and the drawn-out, traumatic process leading up to confirmation.
She admits: "This was not from someone I was in a relationship with... definitely trauma included in the diagnosis itself." (20:15)
Her diagnosis catalyzed a shift in self-care: "I was always into health and wellness... but I wasn’t really taking care of myself." (20:51)

6. Dating After Diagnosis — Successes, Setbacks, Self-Rejection

(21:06–33:02)

Rachel had her first significant disclosure experience during a trip to Portugal; it did not go well.
On returning home, she shared her status with a longtime friend/potential partner, who was accepting, leading to a nearly year-long relationship: "The only time I didn’t think about [herpes] every day was during that relationship." (22:16)
After that breakup, self-rejection became a real struggle: avoiding physical intimacy, prematurely pulling away from potential new partners due to fear.
Courtney shares his social self-rejection patterns, linking the issue to deeper forms of internalized stigma that go beyond herpes.

7. Experiences on Herpes-Specific and Sex-Positive Dating Apps

(27:03–32:21)

Rachel tries a herpes-specific dating app but finds it uninspiring and oddly isolating: "There’s, like, four people in my city."
Field (a sex-positive app) is discussed as an alternative with more open, stigma-aware conversations.
Rachel’s first date through the herpes app is anticlimactic—"It was fine... he was nice, but I didn't immediately feel attraction." (30:27)
The experience is affirming in one sense: none of the dating awkwardness had anything to do with herpes.

8. Disclosure, Community, and the Challenge of Sharing

(35:08–41:09)

Rachel grapples with who to disclose to and the isolation of secrecy: "So many of my closest people, I haven’t told." (35:19)
Recounts mixed but supportive reactions from mom, sister, friends—some sadness or awkwardness, but ultimately safety and trust.
Courtney on the importance of sharing with friends: “We miss out on being reminded who we are outside of our diagnosis. It’s so important that we share with people who can remind us who we were prior... that's who moves forward in dating and life.” (38:59)

9. Empowerment, Choice, and Evolving Identity

(41:10–46:04)

Courtney reframes self-rejection as giving up choice: "We are empowered with the ability to give others that choice for themselves. There's power in that."
Cautions against internalizing outcomes (I’m not dating, I’m done with dating apps) and making them a fixed part of identity: "That is a form of self-rejection." (45:21)
Rachel shares a difficult experience with an overseas romantic connection who ultimately rejected her due to her status, but Courtney reframes this: "That's incredible...you are capable of receiving that level of effort from somebody, and a lot of people don’t let themselves receive that despite having herpes." (47:51)

10. Value and Reality of Community

(49:43–53:08)

Community = common unity (herpes is the initial bond, the willingness to learn and grow is deeper).
Rachel reflects that support groups and shared experiences provide invaluable perspective and affirmation: "It’s funny—I may actually be further along than I give myself credit for." (52:07)
Her dating pool is more vast than she'd thought; she’s no longer willing to limit herself to only herpes-specific spaces.

11. Reflections and Final Thoughts

(53:08–End)

Rachel’s progress: “Physically, not a big deal in the slightest. Emotionally, that has been the challenging part. But even that, like, progress has been made.” (56:35)
Courtney expresses gratitude for the honest exchange: "It feels good to have been able to step into that...getting back into the rhythm of talking openly about my dating life, despite herpes." (54:13)
Rachel notes her growing confidence and hopefulness: “I have so much to give...I am, if anything, honestly the best version of myself that I have been.” (41:22, 42:07)
The episode concludes with encouragement to seek community, support groups, and empowerment in navigating herpes stigma.

Notable Quotes and Moments

On therapy dependence:
"At what point...are you able to address things yourself, without waiting for therapy to process it?"
– Courtney (14:57)
On stigma and internalization:
"It's not a big deal, but the stigma is pretty bad. So just continuing to do the work to be in a better place internally..."
– Rachel (06:45)
On self-worth beyond diagnosis:
“I have so much to give, and I am, if anything, the best version of myself that I have been.”
– Rachel (41:22)
On reclaiming choice:
“We are empowered with the ability to give others that choice for themselves. There’s power in that.”
– Courtney (45:21)
On the necessity of community:
“Being able to talk to people who know what you’re going through—it’s so different than just having someone be supportive.”
– Rachel (51:25)
On embracing the journey:
“It doesn’t sound like you’re having a negative experience or a positive experience...you’re having experiences and making the most of them.”
– Courtney (42:38)

Important Timestamps

00:00–05:23: Announcements, episode setup
05:23–07:38: Rachel’s introduction & first SPFPP experience
08:18–12:43: Therapy as immediate post-diagnosis support
16:37–21:06: Rachel’s diagnosis story
21:21–23:39: Early dating & first major disclosure
24:37–33:02: Self-rejection in dating, internalized stigma
35:08–36:46: Telling friends and family
38:59–41:09: The power of sharing and being reminded who you are
45:21–49:43: Discussion on choice, rejection, and dating identity
51:25–53:08: The value of support groups and measuring progress
54:13–End: Reflections on growth, openness, and hope

Final Thoughts

This conversation is rooted in raw honesty, humor, and hope. Rachel and Courtney together underscore the importance of therapy, self-compassion, open conversation, and community in navigating life with herpes—reminding listeners that healing is nonlinear, empowerment is possible, and choosing vulnerability is a strength.

For More Info

Visit spfpp.org for support groups, events, and to share your story.
Support group schedule: Mondays, 7:30pm Eastern (rotating men’s/women’s)
Upcoming SPFPP 400th episode/karaoke event: Dec 12, Brooklyn, NY

“Stay present.” – Courtney

Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People

Episode 390: Herpes Changed Me

Date: October 19, 2025
Host: Courtney W. Brame (A)
Guest: Rachel (B)

Episode Overview

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Announcements and Framing the Episode

(00:00–05:23)

Courtney announces upcoming episode 400 celebrations, support group meeting info, and emphasizes the ongoing mission to minimize herpes stigma through community and open discussion.
Clarifies format and intent of support groups for men, women, and resources for non-binary/LGBTQ people.
Sets the stage for a deeply personal conversation: "I've moved on and there is a healing process... but I'm still a little bit hesitant and resistant to share my dating experiences..." (03:57)

2. Rachel’s Introduction & Her First Encounters with SPFPP

(05:23–07:38)

Rachel explains how her therapist connected her to SPFPP, which became an essential early source of support.
Describes feeling “an immediate sense of normalcy and positivity, which was so important for where I was at and where I want to continue to get to.” (06:00)
Notes the impact of hearing other people's stories and the relative lack of relatable resources for those newly diagnosed.

3. Therapy’s Role in Post-Diagnosis Healing

(07:38–16:37)

Both discuss the value, accessibility, and possible dependency on therapy post-diagnosis.
Rachel shares that her therapist was “the first person I told... quite literally within an hour, I texted my therapist.” (08:22)
Financial barriers and the paradox: needing therapy to function, but not always being able to afford it.
Rachel: "I need to take care of me to then be able to do all these other things." (11:45)
Therapy helped Rachel move through internalized stigma and begin sharing the diagnosis with a small circle (therapist, two best friends, mom, sister, partner).

4. Navigating Dependency in Therapy & Applying Tools

(12:43–16:37)

Courtney brings up the balance between using therapy for support vs. over-dependence: "Where's the line...between processing in therapy and handling things on your own?" (14:57)
Rachel notes: “For a while, there’s lag time... but now I’m at a point where, I've been in it for so long... now I just want to figure out what I need to do to feel better. And I know that's not just me going to therapy.” (16:15)

5. Diagnosis Story and Initial Emotional Fallout

(17:43–21:06)

Rachel recalls her August 2023 diagnosis post-30th birthday, a series of misdiagnoses and intense illness, and the drawn-out, traumatic process leading up to confirmation.
She admits: "This was not from someone I was in a relationship with... definitely trauma included in the diagnosis itself." (20:15)
Her diagnosis catalyzed a shift in self-care: "I was always into health and wellness... but I wasn’t really taking care of myself." (20:51)

6. Dating After Diagnosis — Successes, Setbacks, Self-Rejection

(21:06–33:02)

Rachel had her first significant disclosure experience during a trip to Portugal; it did not go well.
On returning home, she shared her status with a longtime friend/potential partner, who was accepting, leading to a nearly year-long relationship: "The only time I didn’t think about [herpes] every day was during that relationship." (22:16)
After that breakup, self-rejection became a real struggle: avoiding physical intimacy, prematurely pulling away from potential new partners due to fear.
Courtney shares his social self-rejection patterns, linking the issue to deeper forms of internalized stigma that go beyond herpes.

7. Experiences on Herpes-Specific and Sex-Positive Dating Apps

(27:03–32:21)

Rachel tries a herpes-specific dating app but finds it uninspiring and oddly isolating: "There’s, like, four people in my city."
Field (a sex-positive app) is discussed as an alternative with more open, stigma-aware conversations.
Rachel’s first date through the herpes app is anticlimactic—"It was fine... he was nice, but I didn't immediately feel attraction." (30:27)
The experience is affirming in one sense: none of the dating awkwardness had anything to do with herpes.

8. Disclosure, Community, and the Challenge of Sharing

(35:08–41:09)

Rachel grapples with who to disclose to and the isolation of secrecy: "So many of my closest people, I haven’t told." (35:19)
Recounts mixed but supportive reactions from mom, sister, friends—some sadness or awkwardness, but ultimately safety and trust.
Courtney on the importance of sharing with friends: “We miss out on being reminded who we are outside of our diagnosis. It’s so important that we share with people who can remind us who we were prior... that's who moves forward in dating and life.” (38:59)

9. Empowerment, Choice, and Evolving Identity

(41:10–46:04)

Courtney reframes self-rejection as giving up choice: "We are empowered with the ability to give others that choice for themselves. There's power in that."
Cautions against internalizing outcomes (I’m not dating, I’m done with dating apps) and making them a fixed part of identity: "That is a form of self-rejection." (45:21)
Rachel shares a difficult experience with an overseas romantic connection who ultimately rejected her due to her status, but Courtney reframes this: "That's incredible...you are capable of receiving that level of effort from somebody, and a lot of people don’t let themselves receive that despite having herpes." (47:51)

10. Value and Reality of Community

(49:43–53:08)

Community = common unity (herpes is the initial bond, the willingness to learn and grow is deeper).
Rachel reflects that support groups and shared experiences provide invaluable perspective and affirmation: "It’s funny—I may actually be further along than I give myself credit for." (52:07)
Her dating pool is more vast than she'd thought; she’s no longer willing to limit herself to only herpes-specific spaces.

11. Reflections and Final Thoughts

(53:08–End)

Rachel’s progress: “Physically, not a big deal in the slightest. Emotionally, that has been the challenging part. But even that, like, progress has been made.” (56:35)
Courtney expresses gratitude for the honest exchange: "It feels good to have been able to step into that...getting back into the rhythm of talking openly about my dating life, despite herpes." (54:13)
Rachel notes her growing confidence and hopefulness: “I have so much to give...I am, if anything, honestly the best version of myself that I have been.” (41:22, 42:07)
The episode concludes with encouragement to seek community, support groups, and empowerment in navigating herpes stigma.

Notable Quotes and Moments

On therapy dependence:
"At what point...are you able to address things yourself, without waiting for therapy to process it?"
– Courtney (14:57)
On stigma and internalization:
"It's not a big deal, but the stigma is pretty bad. So just continuing to do the work to be in a better place internally..."
– Rachel (06:45)
On self-worth beyond diagnosis:
“I have so much to give, and I am, if anything, the best version of myself that I have been.”
– Rachel (41:22)
On reclaiming choice:
“We are empowered with the ability to give others that choice for themselves. There’s power in that.”
– Courtney (45:21)
On the necessity of community:
“Being able to talk to people who know what you’re going through—it’s so different than just having someone be supportive.”
– Rachel (51:25)
On embracing the journey:
“It doesn’t sound like you’re having a negative experience or a positive experience...you’re having experiences and making the most of them.”
– Courtney (42:38)

Important Timestamps

00:00–05:23: Announcements, episode setup
05:23–07:38: Rachel’s introduction & first SPFPP experience
08:18–12:43: Therapy as immediate post-diagnosis support
16:37–21:06: Rachel’s diagnosis story
21:21–23:39: Early dating & first major disclosure
24:37–33:02: Self-rejection in dating, internalized stigma
35:08–36:46: Telling friends and family
38:59–41:09: The power of sharing and being reminded who you are
45:21–49:43: Discussion on choice, rejection, and dating identity
51:25–53:08: The value of support groups and measuring progress
54:13–End: Reflections on growth, openness, and hope

Final Thoughts

For More Info

Visit spfpp.org for support groups, events, and to share your story.
Support group schedule: Mondays, 7:30pm Eastern (rotating men’s/women’s)
Upcoming SPFPP 400th episode/karaoke event: Dec 12, Brooklyn, NY

“Stay present.” – Courtney

SPFPP 390: Herpes Changed Me

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Summary

Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People

Episode 390: Herpes Changed Me

Episode Overview

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Announcements and Framing the Episode

2. Rachel’s Introduction & Her First Encounters with SPFPP

3. Therapy’s Role in Post-Diagnosis Healing

4. Navigating Dependency in Therapy & Applying Tools

5. Diagnosis Story and Initial Emotional Fallout

6. Dating After Diagnosis — Successes, Setbacks, Self-Rejection

7. Experiences on Herpes-Specific and Sex-Positive Dating Apps

8. Disclosure, Community, and the Challenge of Sharing

9. Empowerment, Choice, and Evolving Identity

10. Value and Reality of Community

11. Reflections and Final Thoughts

Notable Quotes and Moments

Important Timestamps

Final Thoughts

For More Info

Summary

Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People

Episode 390: Herpes Changed Me

Episode Overview

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Announcements and Framing the Episode

2. Rachel’s Introduction & Her First Encounters with SPFPP

3. Therapy’s Role in Post-Diagnosis Healing

4. Navigating Dependency in Therapy & Applying Tools

5. Diagnosis Story and Initial Emotional Fallout

6. Dating After Diagnosis — Successes, Setbacks, Self-Rejection

7. Experiences on Herpes-Specific and Sex-Positive Dating Apps

8. Disclosure, Community, and the Challenge of Sharing

9. Empowerment, Choice, and Evolving Identity

10. Value and Reality of Community

11. Reflections and Final Thoughts

Notable Quotes and Moments

Important Timestamps

Final Thoughts

For More Info