Podcast Summary: SPFPP 391 - "Who Helps the Helper?"

Podcast: Something Positive for Positive People
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Guest: Licensed Therapist, HSV2 Positive
Date: October 24, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode explores the often-overlooked topic of support for those who are active in supporting others—specifically, a therapist living with HSV2. Host Courtney Brame and his guest dive into the guest’s personal journey with herpes, the challenges of navigating the medical system, and the complexities faced by helpers when they themselves need help. Emphasis is placed on coping with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, medical stigma and misinformation, and the mental health tools useful for people living with herpes (including DBT—Dialectical Behavior Therapy). The conversation underscores the importance of remembering one’s identity outside of diagnosis, integrity when managing one’s sexual health, and the universal need for support—even among professional helpers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introduction & Connection

• The guest is a therapist specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), lives with HSV2, loves dogs, reading, and exercise.

• The guest discovered the podcast by chance through a friend’s search for "positive" content—ironically resulting in the herpes-focused show ([04:00]).

  “My friend was looking for a positive podcast...she typed in something positive...she knew that I live with herpes, so she shared it with me.” — Guest ([04:00])

• The host acknowledges this as a common and sometimes awkward entry point for many listeners.

2. Reacting to Diagnosis & Medical Experiences

• The guest’s HSV2 diagnosis process was marred by medical misdiagnosis, misinformation, and feelings of invalidation ([06:54]-[19:14]).

  • Symptoms began while traveling, resulting in an urgent care visit and an initial dismissal.
  • Later developed rare but severe neurological complications (Elsberg syndrome), including incontinence and numbness.
  • Navigating hospital care was isolating and anxiety-inducing; doctors continued to dismiss symptoms and provided incorrect information about HSV2 transmission.
  • Only the gynecologist offered proper validation and care, prescribing antivirals and providing exceptional support.

  “I was, you know, at night, about to go to sleep and I noticed lower back pain...my butt was becoming numb. It was almost like I'd been sitting down too long...this isn't how it normally feels...I came across something called Elsberg syndrome...understandably I was scared.” — Guest ([08:38])

  “The doctor told me...it couldn’t be spread when you weren’t symptomatic...I did challenge him on it...he didn’t believe that [CDC guidance].” — Guest ([24:00])

• The validity and compassion from her gynecologist was a turning point ([17:55]-[18:55]).

3. Helpers Needing Help

• The discussion turns toward the emotional complexity helpers experience when they become those in need:

  • The guest reflects on being patient and forgiving with the medical system, attributing this to understanding people’s fallibility rather than a lack of standards ([21:37], [22:19]).
  • The host and guest both discuss the struggle of shifting from ‘helper’ to ‘recipient of help’, the discomfort in vulnerability, and shedding identities strongly tied to caregiving or advocacy ([39:18]-[43:10]).

  “I’m used to being the helper, not necessarily the client. And it's sometimes difficult to have that switch.” — Guest ([39:18])

  “My ego was attached to being the hero or helping everyone and saving everyone. So I resonate when you talk about being in that giver role and then having to be in another space, a different identity, like with the diagnosis, maybe feeling like, damn, now I need support. Why the fuck do I need support? Like, I'm the supporter. I can't be out here needing support.” — Courtney ([42:23])

4. Identity Beyond Diagnosis & Personal Integrity

• The guest emphasizes the importance of not letting the diagnosis define identity, and maintaining integrity even when given reasons (such as faulty medical advice) to hide the truth ([26:15]–[27:46]).

  “We know who we are and having herpes, we are who we are, we just now have this diagnosis. And I think people really just kind of shy away from remembering who they were outside of their diagnosis.” — Courtney ([27:06])

  “There's a kernel of truth. I do have this diagnosis. It does affect me, and at the same time, it doesn't define me.” — Guest ([30:27])

• One of the key DBT principles discussed: “You may not have caused all your problems, and you have to solve them anyway.” ([28:30])

5. Misinformation in Medical Care

• They critique ongoing misinformation from the medical profession regarding HSV2 transmission—a common but dangerous problem ([23:07]-[25:09]).

  • The host points out how patients may cling to incorrect medical reassurances as excuses to avoid disclosure.

  “It shocks me that this is still going on, that the people who are saying that you don’t have to disclose...these are credible medical professionals, and a lot of us are looking for any reason not to go through...having to tell one more person.” — Courtney ([23:17])

6. DBT & Its Relevance for Clients Diagnosed with Herpes

• The guest outlines DBT as a toolkit for tolerating distress, accepting “two seemingly opposing truths at the same time,” and maintaining one’s sense of self beyond diagnosis.

• Key DBT value: holding the truth of the diagnosis and the fact that it doesn’t define a person ([30:00]–[30:27]).

  “From a dialectical standpoint...there's a kernel of truth. I do have this diagnosis...and at the same time, it doesn't define me.” — Guest ([30:27])

7. Navigating Stigma as a Therapist

• The guest expresses concern about clients finding this interview, citing internalized stigma and professional boundaries. The host normalizes this anxiety and reframes potential positive outcomes, such as client trust or creating connections ([32:53]-[37:21]).

8. Effective Help-Seeking: Advice & Boundaries

• Guidance for anyone (especially helpers) on asking for help:

  • Know what you need and want.
  • Ask the appropriate person.
  • Communicate your needs clearly.
  • Be prepared for a "no" and know it doesn’t reflect your worth ([44:13]-[45:05]).
  • Identify ‘safe people’ for disclosure/help by looking for consistency, reliability, and curiosity—not judgment ([46:40]).

  “If we share with them our diagnosis, we're like, hey, I'm dealing with...this is what I'm going through...for somebody to...be curious in you and what that experience has been like for you and how they can show up and see support you. Right? Making it and keeping it about you and your experience.” — Courtney ([47:17])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On misdiagnosis and self-advocacy:

  “No one put me on anything, so...I was just raw dogging this diagnosis, these symptoms...not really sure where to go, what to do, and it's painful.” — Courtney & Guest ([20:11])

• Grace for Caregivers:

  “I truly believe...people make mistakes, and that doesn't mean they're bad at their job...sometimes people do invalidate intentionally, and I don't think it was done intentionally.” — Guest ([22:19])

• Herpes & Identity:

  “We forget who we are outside of our diagnosis when we get that diagnosis...People think that they need to be brave to talk about this...We are who we are, we just now have this diagnosis.” — Courtney ([27:06])

• DBT principle for life:

  “You may not have caused all your problems, and you have to solve them anyway.” — Guest ([28:50])

• On vulnerability as a helper:

  “I'm used to being the helper, not necessarily the client. And it's sometimes difficult to have that switch.” — Guest ([39:18])

• Test of safe people:

  “There's a fine line between curiosity and being nosy. A nosy person...is probably going to be like, who'd you get it from? Right. But a person who's curious is going to ask, how are you?” — Courtney ([47:17])

Important Timestamps

• [03:05] — Guest introduction: therapist, animal lover, HSV2 status.
• [06:54] — Journey of misdiagnosis and invalidation; onset of neurological symptoms.
• [19:14] — Timeline of outbreak and the development of Elsberg syndrome.
• [23:07] — Discussion of misinformation from medical providers about HSV2 transmission.
• [30:00] — Relevance of DBT for people living with herpes.
• [39:18] — Helpers struggling to become help-seekers; personal discomfort in vulnerability.
• [44:13] — Advice on effectively asking for help and recognizing support systems.
• [46:40] — Identifying "safe people" for disclosure and support.
• [47:17] — Best responses/support from others after disclosure.

Takeaways & Resources

• Helpers need support, too: Even professionals in the helping field require validation and assistance in their own vulnerable moments.
• DBT as a useful toolkit: Skills from DBT—like dialectic thinking, distress tolerance, and self-acceptance—are highly relevant for those managing stigma and chronic conditions.
• Challenge misinformation: Even medical professionals may hold outdated views; self-advocacy and research are essential.
• Identity is not diagnosis: It is crucial to remember who you are outside of HSV2 or any condition.
• Support spaces and donation: SPFPP offers structured support calls and groups, now with a donation model to ensure commitment and value.
• Positive reframe of vulnerability: Sharing personal truths can invite connection and strength.

Final Words

The episode is an honest, insightful exploration of what it means to be both a supporter and someone in need of support. It’s a reminder of the power of integrity, self-compassion, and community—not only for people living with herpes but for everyone navigating stigma, vulnerability, or the helper role.

Learn more or access support: SPFPP.org
Herpes support calls/groups: Visit the SPFPP website.

Notable Condition Mentioned:
Elsberg Syndrome — HSV2-related neurological disorder causing urinary retention and limb weakness; responds to antiviral treatment.

End of Summary