Episode Overview

Episode Title: Spfpp 392: Navigating Rejection With Herpes - Attach And Release
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Date: October 31, 2025

This episode of Something Positive for Positive People is an intimate solo reflection from host Courtney W. Brame, centered around navigating rejection—both external and internal—in the context of living with herpes and moving through life's broader challenges. Courtney weaves together tales of his personal experiences with rejection, lessons learned through relationships and community engagement, and his ongoing journey toward self-acceptance, fulfillment, and happiness. The episode emphasizes the importance of tuning into the nervous system, practicing "attach and release," and embracing joy even in the face of stigma or jealousy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Integrating Herpes Support, Yoga, and Nervous System Awareness

• Courtney’s Role and SPFPP Services (00:01–06:00):
  • Courtney describes his work as a yoga therapist in training, and how he offers support to people with herpes or those supporting someone with the diagnosis.
  • Emphasizes the value of body awareness, especially tuning into the nervous system to spot early signs of stress or outbreaks.
  • Personal yoga practice helps establish a "baseline" for stress and opens up a more holistic way to handle internal and external pressures.
• Support Groups Structure (06:01–09:50):
  • SPFPP offers virtual women’s and men’s groups for discussion and support. Courtney highlights inconsistencies in men’s group participation versus the women’s group and reflects on the importance of foundational community-building.

2. Honoring Intuition: Listening to the Nervous System and Gut Feelings

• Travel Mishap and Trusting Anxiety (09:51–18:40):
  • Recounts a vivid story of missing a flight to Houston, attributing his deep anxiety as a signal from his nervous system to avoid potential harm.
  • Connects this to other moments where trusting his gut led to making safer, more self-honoring choices, such as leaving risky social situations.
• Quote:

  “That wave of anxiousness is the same wave that told me I needed to get the fuck out... That combination of things where I listened to my nervous system, I don’t know what might have been avoided... But I respected myself for that decision." (18:30)

3. Metaphors for Managing Herpes and Emotional States

• Herpes as a Tenant & Body as an Apartment Complex (20:00–26:00):
  • Herpes symptoms and outbreaks are like tenants in an apartment alerting you to an unattended issue. Ignoring subtle signs only leads to escalated "maintenance problems."
• Emotional and Energetic Overload:
  • The body hosts not only viruses but a multitude of emotional burdens, and self-care involves tending to all “tenants”—not just physical health.

4. Relationship Dynamics: Rejection, Jealousy, and Identity

• Personal Story—Breakup Rooted in Jealousy (26:01–42:30):
  • Shares the end of a non-monogamous relationship where a partner openly expressed jealousy of Courtney’s sense of purpose and fulfillment.
• Jealousy as Catalyst and Constraint:
  • Courtney reflects on how jealousy, for him, has always spurred improvement and curiosity, contrasting this with the destructive type experienced in relationships.
• Quote:

  "Don't be in a relationship with someone who's jealous of you... Jealousy for me has always been a notification bell... And it sparked my curiosity. But in relationships... I just thought that... we transmute trauma and herpes and stigma into healing." (38:37)

• Rejection Beyond Romance:
  • Self-rejection—the act of dimming one’s own light or ignoring one's own needs—is portrayed as more damaging than rejection by others.

5. Navigating Community, Identity, and External Rejection

• Identity Politics in Community Spaces (46:30–54:00):
  • Courtney discusses feeling out of place as a Black man in predominantly queer or women’s spaces and how identity sometimes outweighs intention and personal values in these contexts.
  • Recounts an incident at a group retreat that subtly, but powerfully, embodied social rejection:
  • Quote:

    "I invited everybody—hey, I'm going to the hot tub. I go to the hot tub... I leave, I start showering, as I'm drying off, everybody's in the hot tub. And that sums up how the weekend went."

• Repeated Lessons in Trusting the Nervous System:
  • Experiences in different social spaces reinforce the need to honor internal signals and step away from places where one isn’t valued.

6. Attach and Release: A Philosophy for Facing Rejection

• "Attach and Release" as Life’s Core Rhythm (55:00–1:10:00):
  • Describes both scientific and spiritual frameworks for continually investing energy into people or projects, then releasing attachment when needed.
  • Relates the concept to relationships, the SPFPP nonprofit, and evolving personal identities (e.g., polyamory).
  • Quote:

    “Life is just a whole thing of catch and... or attach and release, attach and release… What we energetically pour into takes form and we form an attachment to it, and we got to release that.”

• Rejection, Growth, and Acceptance:
  • External rejections (grants, social groups) are easier to bear than ongoing self-rejection—neglecting what one’s internal self is communicating.

7. Self-Acceptance, Joy, and the Shame of Happiness

• Letting Go of Shame Around Happiness (1:11:00–1:20:00):
  • Speaks about the shame he’s felt for being visibly happy in spaces where others aren’t, and the importance of not shrinking to avoid triggering others’ jealousy.
  • Reference to a "Ho Church" event with Brandon Kyle Goodman, where Courtney shared his shame aloud and found relief and community.
  • Quote:

    "I got shame around how happy I am, my happiness, my joy in life—because everybody ain't... My happiness shouldn't trigger anybody."

• Commitment to Staying True to Self:
  • Finds renewed clarity and self-acceptance through therapy, yoga practice, and the release of relationships and roles that no longer serve.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Courtney on Listening to the Body:

  “The nervous system is a manifestation of whatever quantum physics stuff we come from… Our body sensations—five senses, thoughts, emotions, breath—all just another way for the soul to communicate.” (19:45)

• On Rejection in Social Spaces:

  "I went to the hot tub... for 45 minutes to an hour. I leave, hop in the shower, and I hear a lot of giggling… I look outside and everybody's in the hot tub. That sums up how the weekend went. I shouldn't have been there." (54:50)

• On Self-Rejection and Attachment:

  "Every time I don't listen to my nervous system, I'm rejecting myself… I'm done rejecting myself. I'm done trying to control." (1:04:25)

• On Joy and Inspiring Others:

  "Don't let rejection make you shrivel up and shrink into a fetal position and hide that big, beautiful light of yours. Be inspiring. Be inspired. Let them be jealous of you. That's theirs to deal with." (1:13:30)

• Closing Affirmation:

  "I'm about to be a 37-year-old Black man living with herpes… we going into nine years of doing this, man… I'm fucking happy. And I ain't showing it, and I'm scared to show it... but this felt good, y'all." (1:19:30)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:01–06:00 — Introduction to SPFPP services, yoga therapy
• 06:01–09:50 — Challenges and structure of men’s and women’s support groups
• 09:51–18:40 — Travel anxiety story; trusting intuition
• 20:00–26:00 — Body as apartment complex metaphor; maintenance signals
• 26:01–42:30 — Personal story: breakup, jealousy, reframing rejection
• 46:30–54:00 — Community rejection, navigating identity politics
• 55:00–1:10:00 — Attach and release, rejection, and personal growth
• 1:11:00–1:20:00 — Shame around happiness, self-acceptance, closing thoughts

Episode Tone and Style

Courtney’s style is deeply introspective, honest, occasionally humorous, and vulnerable. He is candid about his personal failings, emotional struggles, and the pragmatic lessons he’s learned. The tone is conversational and encouraging, grounded strongly in the lived experience of someone who has transmuted trauma into healing—a message that permeates the entire episode.

Takeaways for Listeners

• Shame, rejection, and jealousy often mask deeper needs for self-understanding and acceptance.
• Attunement to the nervous system and self-care are crucial when living with chronic conditions like herpes.
• Community, when aligned, can be healing; but sometimes, leaving misaligned spaces is the most self-honoring choice.
• Self-rejection is the most damaging form of rejection—we must prioritize our own well-being above external validation.
• Happiness is not something to be hidden or diminished for the comfort of others; sharing joy can be an act of inspiration.

For more support, resources, or to participate in SPFPP's virtual groups, visit spfpp.org.