SPFPP 393: Herpes Support Groups – Summary

Podcast: Something Positive for Positive People
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Episode Date: November 8, 2025
Episode Theme: An in-depth look at the evolution, structure, and impact of the Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP) herpes support groups.

Episode Overview

Courtney Brame provides a candid, behind-the-scenes update on the SPFPP herpes support groups. He discusses the development and current format of these groups, the challenges and successes experienced—especially the contrasts between men’s and women’s groups—and highlights key insights and participant stories. The episode explores broader topics of herpes stigma, disclosure (or “discussion”) processes, boundaries, and the essential nature of community in minimizing STI stigma.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal & Organizational Context

• Courtney shares recent personal updates, including travel restrictions due to government shutdowns and his ongoing yoga therapy training.
• He emphasizes the growing role of SPFPP beyond support calls, such as public speaking engagements and educational outreach for professionals.

  “We educate medical professionals, mental health professionals, public health people, and as well as educators on herpes stigma and the experiences of people living with herpes.” (00:09)

2. Evolution of SPFPP Support Groups

• Various iterations have been tried over the years (different hosts, formats, free vs. donation-based).
• New model: Screening process initiated by a 1-1 support call, followed by donation-based entry to maintain commitment and group cohesion.

  “I need to confirm your understanding of what the support group is and make sure that you're somebody who wants that… that you are looking for something beyond a place to just be able to come and be heard about your experiences.” (08:10)

3. Gender Dynamics: Women’s vs. Men’s Support Groups

• Women’s groups: Consistent participation, strong sense of community, participants follow the process.
• Men’s groups: Strong initial interest, but poor follow-through (sign-ups without attendance); Courtney considers new screening criteria to ensure commitment.
• Notable observation: women appreciate having a male facilitator and value the perspective.

4. Refining Disclosure: From 'Confession' to Conversation

• Courtney advocates moving away from the word “disclosure” toward “discussion,” reframing the sharing of herpes status as a mutual sexual health dialogue—not a confession or legal process.
• Example script for sexual health conversations provided.

  “We are discussing sexual health with somebody… You’re giving them a choice.” (48:20)

5. Redefining ‘Successful Disclosure’

• A participant shares that success means making the decision to be vulnerable and sharing with the right person—not whether the person accepts or wants a relationship.
• The importance of focusing on internal motivation and empowerment over outcome.

  “A successful disclosure is not one that ends in a sexual relationship… The success is more internally motivated. It is a successful disclosure because you made the decision to be vulnerable…” (01:04:00)

6. Stats & Stigma: The Role (and Limits) of Data in Disclosure

• Discussion on the tendency to share statistics during disclosure, and why this can be reductive or unhelpful.
• “I don’t want to be reduced to a statistic… I just need to know that you like me or want to have sex with me more than you do not want to get herpes.” (01:07:30)

7. Community as the Cure for Stigma

• Emphasizes how support groups transform fear and shame into connection, hope, and personal growth.
• Napoleon Hill’s “Outwitting the Devil” and the power of mutual support are invoked as inspiration.
• “Community is the cure for stigma. Herpes stigma is a byproduct of society’s stigma about sex.” (01:23:00)

8. Commitment, Consistency & Value

• Charging a donation creates a sense of value and commitment among participants.
• Courtney contrasts the higher flake rate among those who don’t contribute.

  “People just don't value free. The people who have given no money, these are the people who missed the calls more often.” (01:33:00)

9. Future Plans & Community-Building Activities

• Plans to record role-playing “disclosure” scenarios to provide practical demonstrations.
• Announcement of an upcoming in-person karaoke event for the SPFPP community in Brooklyn.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On why the group process matters:

  “I can’t give you community… I can tell you it’s out there, I can tell you it exists, but I mean I’m really just facilitating the space.” (01:20:15)

• On men’s group participation:

  “For the men’s group, they showed up for the first one and then we not had two since then and ain’t nobody came.” (22:30)

• On giving up “confession” language:

  “It’s a discussion, not a disclosure. It’s a conversation, not a confession.” (01:12:15)

• On the goal for support groups:

  “I wish that I had this kind of support when I was diagnosed… people are getting through this a lot quicker and easier than they would if this resource wasn’t available to them.” (01:28:45)

• On community and stigma:

  “Community is the cure for stigma. Herpes stigma is a byproduct of the stigma that people in general, that society has about sex.” (01:23:00)

• On the importance of mutual investment and presence:

  “What you put into a thing, that thing takes form… whatever it is that you give to this platform is going to help mold what it is that you are able to become in terms of your identity…” (01:17:00)

Important Timestamps

• 00:02–03:30 — Courtney’s update on travel, training, and boundaries
• 08:00–16:30 — Evolution of support group structure; screening and commitment
• 16:30–24:00 — Gendered participation differences; men’s vs. women’s groups
• 48:00–54:00 — Rethinking “disclosure”; reframing as mutual discussion
• 01:04:00–01:08:00 — Defining successful disclosure and the pitfalls of over-explaining with stats
• 01:12:00–01:24:00 — How support groups shift identity and community as healing
• 01:28:00–01:34:00 — Measuring value, tracking calls, and commitment’s impact
• 01:37:00–End — New content plans; Brooklyn karaoke event announcement

Conclusion

Courtney wraps up emphasizing the support group model—rooted in intentionality, community, and mutual empowerment—as central to moving beyond herpes stigma. He invites listeners to join, donate according to their means, and help expand these healing spaces. The episode ends with a call for participation (especially from men), a preview of new interactive content, and details for the upcoming in-person SPFPP community event.

Episode call to action:
If you’re seeking support or want to join a community actively combating herpes stigma, consider signing up for a support call at spfpp.org and see if these groups align with your needs. And maybe donate as a birthday gift to Courtney!

For more information, resources, and future events, visit SPFPP.org or sign up for the newsletter.