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- [00:03]
A
Hello, welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brain. Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 non profit organization supporting people who are navigating herpes stigma. A couple of quick announcements, actually. The main one is just that December 12th in New York City in Brooklyn specifically, we're gonna have a little karaoke event celebrating what will be the 400th something positive for Positive People podcast episode release. If you're new here, we've been podcasting since 2017. We're going into 2026. So yeah, we are really, we really doing this. It's been almost a podcast episode a week average, maybe a little bit more than 400 already, but like numerically we're almost at 400. There's been some bonus episodes that I've posted over the years. Why I made them bonuses, I don't know. I probably shouldn't have done that. But this is what we got. All right. And for those who don't know, first and third Mondays, 7:30pm Eastern Time, are the women's herpes support groups. These meet virtually. In order to join, all you have to do is make a donation to the women's support group. Find after you and I have had a one on one support call. So if you have not had a one on one support call, you cannot join the groups. I have to vet people. We have to have a conversation first. This is for the safety and integrity of the entirety of the groups. For me to be able to just talk to people and make sure that they're aware of what the group's for and also for you to know what it is. I don't know that I can really put on the Internet everything that the group is made of and answer any of the questions that you might have before joining. So it's best to just have a conversation. The second and fourth Mondays are for the men. These are the men's support groups. And then on the fifth Monday, this is a very new thing. I'm gonna do something that's integrated. So we don't have a fifth Monday every month of the year. But for the ones that we do have a fifth Monday, I'm going to try and do a blended thing. I don't know exactly what I'm thinking. Maybe a herpes discussion workshop where we can get practice sharing our status and talking about sex and sexual health with each other from. I mean, either the groups or I can just open it up to the public. So we'll, we'll see about that. And that's really it as far as announcements go at this point in time, if you've been listening for a while, thanks for being here at the end of the podcast episode. If you liked it, please rate review it. Subscribe. Subscribe to share the podcast that really helps us with visibility. And if you ever Google or search for something herpes related, you see us pop up at the top, don't click the ad, click the organic SEO one, because then we can save that marketing budget for people who maybe have not heard of something positive for positive people. All right, I believe that's it for my announcements. Surprise. We have a guest today and I am going to like I know for the past few weeks has just been my voice on the podcast and I'm glad that you were willing to be a guest on the show, especially because I have been lately having trouble with people seeing the content on social media, which is normally how I would get podcast guests or posting on Reddit even. And I'm, I'm just not getting podcasts. So it's just been me trying to find topics that people maybe are searching for, looking for online for me to just try and cover to the best of my ability. And yeah, here you, you popped up and you were ready to not just share your story, but also have your face out there, which I very much appreciate. So I guess for starters, I'll just let you introduce yourself and then just share how you and I connected and we'll just get into the conversation from there.
- [03:58]
B
Sure. So my name is Jade Renz and I'm the founder of Essentially Prepped is Essentially Prepped actually started a long time ago and it's like evolutionized over the several years. It started out as essential oils and then it was meal prepping and then it was being essentially prepped for life and adventures. And then I came into getting herpes and now I've grown very passionate about coaching and helping others with getting their herpes diagnosis and walking through that and support. I'm definitely newer to the game and I found you actually, you know, because the first thing I did, I'm a researcher. So when I first got diagnosed, I'm just in the rabbit hole of online finding out everything. And definitely yours was one of the first sites that had popped up. So that's how I kind of got to know you. I've definitely started following everyone that I could related to the herpes realm on Instagram. So I've definitely seen lots of your information, been following you for a while and that's how it came to be.
- [05:02]
A
What made you want to be a podcast guest?
- [05:05]
B
Honestly, I just wanted to kind of talk to you and just, you know, kind of just have the conversation because you've been in this realm for such a long time with being. Having this diagnosis for 20 years. I'm only a year and a half into my diagnosis.
- [05:22]
A
Wait, wait, wait. Ain't been 20 years. It's been 12. It's been 12.
- [05:26]
B
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. My bad, my bad.
- [05:30]
A
You go have exes reaching out to me like you had this for 20 years. No. All right, I just had to say that.
- [05:36]
B
12 years. 12 years. Sorry. That was my bad. But, yeah, just to have a conversation. And I feel like one of the most important things about this virus specifically is just the stigma around it and how everyone is so, like, isolated and won't show their face and doesn't want to talk about it, and the anonymity. Even trying to, like, create a support group and the community in your area around it, you know, people just don't want to talk. So I was like, I'm gonna get my face out there, and I'm gonna get my name out there, and I want to chat with people about this and have people know that they're not alone and they're supported and we're all going through this.
- [06:14]
A
Yeah, thank you for that. And I also want to ask, like, the putting your face out there thing. I believe that when we do put our faces out there, it aims to destigmatize this. I had an episode maybe a little over a month ago, so it pro is like five to eight episodes ago where I interviewed a couple, and at first there was this guy that I interviewed who was one of the very few men that I've had on the podcast, and then let alone one of the fewer people that allow for me to record the podcast and use the video for some of the social media posts. And he let me put that out there. I put it out there. And recently he had gotten into a relationship with somebody who saw it, saw him sliding. His dms was just like, looking for a friend. She says, I'm like, oh, no, I think you shoot your shot. But it's. It's nice to see that there's these kind of things that can happen. Not that that's to be expected. Right. There's a number of factors that play a role in that. Between a person's own self confidence about it, even their career field, I guess, their social circles, their support, support systems. And I. I talk about just how. How brave it was for him to be willing to. Like, he didn't have to he owe anybody putting his face out there. But it was also nice to just have another face out there, another man out there, another black man out there too. And this was one of the outcomes that happened. And I hear more people who are concerned about the negatives or the potentially bad things that can happen from them putting their faces out there. Are you concerned about any of stuff that can happen from your face being out there?
- [08:05]
B
Honestly, no. Because I feel like I feel so called to do this. And I felt very called to do this from a very early point. And I didn't talk about it. It to the public at first. And I was just like. And I kept feeling this calling to talk about it. And I was like, okay, fine, like, I hear you. Like, okay, I'm gonna talk about this. Like. But I don't feel like there's going to be any repercussions. I feel like it's just one of those avenues. Like, if people are going to not hire me because of something that's happening to my body, then obviously you don't value what I can bring to the table anyways. So I'm like, I don't want to work for you or whatever the case may be.
- [08:43]
A
Yeah. Can you say more about that calling and you not doing this the first time you felt called to?
- [08:49]
B
Yeah. So I had wanted to start coaching. So let me go back a little bit. So I moved from Alabama to Orlando, Florida.
- [08:56]
A
I wondered what that accent was. It sounded Southern.
- [08:59]
B
I was like, everyone thinks Georgia.
- [09:02]
A
I was thinking Mississippi, Alabama, because my grandparents are from both of those states. Yeah, it kind of sounded like that. All right.
- [09:10]
B
Yep. Alabama, girl here. That's the country twang. But I don't like country music. I just have to say it. But yeah. So I came from Alabama, you know, I'd lived there for 25 years of my life and I was excited to get out of the small town vibes and felt like I had just been held back for a very long time and had outgrown that place a long time ago. So I was like, yes, I get to be free and come out of this place. And I had done a lot of inner work during that time as well. And so I finally, right before I moved is when I got this diagnosis. And I knew I wanted to coach. And I just didn't know, like, what that looked like, what kind of coaching I wanted to do. I've always been like the empath and the one that everybody comes to for advice and talking through Things. So it's just been, like, an innate thing in my life, like, since I was young. And so I just felt very called to talk about the herpes specifically very early on. But I was like, no, no, no, I don't want to do that. I was like, I don't know if I want to put that out there for everybody to know. Like, I'm not sure. I'm. I'm just gonna coach with, like, adventure and bringing adventure into your life, because that's how. What I did, that's how I was. And it just never felt right. Like, I was in a business program to try and help me with, like, getting my name out there and doing the whole coaching thing. I'm sure tons of people have done that with, like, hiring someone in. We need mentors, you know, Everyone does. And it just never felt right to me. And then as soon as I was like, okay, I was like, I just keep feeling this. So I was like, I'm going to talk about it. And as soon as I started talking about it, everything just kind of felt right. Like, I felt like I was in alignment with my life again and where I was going and what I needed to talk about and using my voice, because I didn't use my voice before. I've been very, like, stifled in my life and, like, not able to speak about things or, like, my opinions and what I had to say didn't matter. Didn't matter. Especially as a child, you know, sometimes it's like, okay, yeah, anyways, like, we don't need to talk about that or whatever the case may be. So, yeah, that's kind of how that came to be with me speaking about it. And that calling it was just something that I innately felt inside of me.
- [11:36]
A
All right, I didn't want to interrupt you. I was gonna hit the unmute button, so I was like, oh, yeah. Well, thank you. How long have you done the coaching, and is it geared towards people with herpes?
- [11:51]
B
So I just. I would say I started with the coaching in. I think it was, like, February of this year. But I didn't switch over to herpes until. When was that? It might have been around, like, April or May maybe. So it's very new on, like, very early on into it. So I'm kind of like a newbie with it, if you. You know, if you want to call it that or whatever you want to say. But, yeah, yeah.
- [12:23]
A
I'm not curious, necessarily, because I talk to so many people who do have herpes, but I want to give some insight to what coaching looks like or what can be expected with coaching. It's not something that I offer, but I feel like it's something that people tie into what, you know, our conversations maybe feel like. So can you just kind of describe what if someone were to work with you for coaching? What does that look like?
- [12:55]
B
So it would really be. It comes down to more of the stigmas behind it. And a lot of it for me is natural solutions. I've been a very natural girl for a very long time. I've done essential oils since I think it was like 2017. So I was already very much on, like a natural path. And I just. I know what it's like to be on medication and have side effects from it. So I know that a lot of the times doctors kind of like shove a medication to you, they don't really tell you much about it. They're just like, this is what you do to prevent it. Basically putting a band aid on it. And so my. My biggest thing is having natural solutions to helping prevent outbreaks, what that looks like and those sorts of things. But also it's about your mindset and your self love like that. It definitely always comes down to that. And I think that's anyone in life, honestly. But it's just like a huge added layer when you get a herpes diagnosis and have to deal with the emotional side of it as well, too. So just working through that, having the support, even just someone to vent to and talk to. And I do want to start forming more of a community as well, because that, you know, I feel we all need that. Like, we definitely need support and love in those areas.
- [14:14]
A
So, yeah, I recognize a humongous gap in the needs of people who start out looking for herpes support. They look for community. They look for something, right? And one the questions that I have for people is usually if they're looking for a support group, what do you hope to get out of the support group? And you see people's wheels start kind of turning. And I. I wonder often if there's this. I just need to be around people who also have it, or if there's this. Like, you can tell people haven't maybe thought about that before. They just think, oh, I need. I need this. And it comes down to, do you need this or do you think you need it because you feel like you're supposed to? And so much of the conversations, like, for example, if people are asking, how do I tell someone that I have herpes? Because it's like so ashamed, they're so Ashamed or they're embarrassed by it. What I, on my end see is that in talking it out, they kind of say out loud exactly what they need to say to the person. And there's usually this fear of vulnerability or fear of emotional connection. And it's that, like, people want the words. People want the sequence of wording that's going to increase their chances of getting yes from somebody. But the reality is, like, there's nothing we can do about that. And people are needing to feel people's emotion behind it and connect with that. Otherwise, it's just like an empty shell of the language without any sort of life behind it. And so from your end, I guess, in the conversations or in your experience, right, when people. When you find yourself, like, being supportive to people or in finding the support for yourself, like, does that hold true for you or is there some different. A different finding that you have?
- [16:30]
B
No, I feel the same way. Yeah. It just seems that people sometimes it's literally just saying it out loud. They haven't been able to tell. You know, a lot of the people that have come to me haven't told anyone in their family even, or there's a, you know, someone that they're going to date or whoever it is, and they just want to, like, just being able to even say it and talk to someone who understands stands is like, almost that, like, bottom line, kind of, oh, my gosh, I needed that. Like, thank you so much for listening and just, like, holding a safe space, especially because of the anonymity with, you know, that people have with this and not wanting people to know, whether it's the small towns or the jobs, like you said, I've had several that were, like, I can't, like, say that, and like, my job can't know. Like, it will hinder me in my job. So.
- [17:20]
A
Yeah, And a lot of people think that without any kind of proof. Like, I always ask people, okay, if your job fires you for having herpes, I am positive you can sue them, like, not work and maybe even move somewhere that you'd be happier at. Right. But it's not. I guess it's, like, outside of my perspective, but that sounds a lot like discrimination. I know there's lawyers that will probably be on hand ready for that lawsuit. But. All right, now let's. Let's get into your experience. You are from Alabama 25 years. 24. 25 years you said you spent in Alabama.
- [17:56]
B
Yeah, 25 years. Yep.
- [17:58]
A
And let's talk about. Well, you weren't diagnosed in Alabama. Is that correct?
- [18:03]
B
So it was right before I moved. It was kind of crazy. So I literally was planning to move to Orlando. I was like, getting my house ready to rent out. I was getting a property manager. I was downsizing to a bedroom because I was just tired of taking care of a house by myself. And it was my grandmother's, like, 90th birthday at the time, my best friend's birthday. And then literally July 5th, I was like, headed out with a U haul and I had all of these symptoms. I got tested July 3, blood test. Like, I had, you know, it was a really bad breakout as well. And I ended up getting tested and getting my results after I had moved. So I'm literally like, okay, I'm having all these breakouts, trying to move, like, uproot my entire life, have all these celebrations with family and friends in town, and let me just go take this trip. And then bam, in an email, it's like, you have positive test what? Or whatever, it's that. Well, I didn't even know how to read it. I had to, like, figure out how to even read it and what it meant, you know, on my own because it doesn't really explicitly tell you. So. Yeah. So technically I was in Florida when I found out it was true, but I already kind of knew after all the research I had done. So.
- [19:20]
A
All right, so tell me about this boy that gave it to you. What was that relationship? Like, how'd you fall, Come to acquire it or be exposed?
- [19:30]
B
So actually I, you know, I was, like, perpetually single for a while, and.
- [19:36]
A
I had perpetually single because I. I've been hearing that a lot. What does that mean?
- [19:41]
B
So I was single for, like, I think, like, almost like two or three years.
- [19:48]
A
Okay.
- [19:49]
B
And I feel like I'm just kind of, like, picky about who I date and, like, want to give that time to. And I specifically, I think it was 2022 that I, like, wanted to be single for that year. I was like, I'm not going to date. Like, I still have fun, obviously, and still had sex sometimes. Like, but I didn't want to be in a relationship. I was concentrating on me. If I wanted to have the sex, great. If I didn't, I'm not doing it.
- [20:13]
A
If I wanted to have the sex.
- [20:16]
B
Yeah.
- [20:16]
A
All right, so. All right, so this was a casual relationship. It wasn't a relationship. What? What was it?
- [20:24]
B
Yeah, it was super casual. Like, I had met him at the bar. He was just fun to hang out with. And he's super sweet, like, kind soul. And usually it's Just crazy because I always normally had these conversations with people before having sex. Like, when were you tested last? What were your results? Like, main question? You know, things like that. And with him, I didn't. I was drinking a lot. I was super stressed out at the time with everything that was going on and everything I had to get done. Oh, also, I couldn't keep my job either, so. And I had nothing lined up for when I moved. So I was, like, trying to wrap up, like, my corporate job that I had been at for four years as well, and train my replacement on top of all the other stuff.
- [21:05]
A
What kind of job? You don't have to say what it was, but, like, what kind of. What was the field?
- [21:09]
B
I was in public safety. I was an executive assistant. So I was like, the glue. Yeah, I was the glue. It was a lot. Yeah, it was. So, yeah, I was just super casual, like. And I didn't have that conversation. I had it the next day. It was honestly, like, a drunken night. Like, I'm having fun, whatever. And he mentioned that his ex had tested positive for HSV1, but he didn't have it. And then a couple days later, I started breaking out, like, all over, super painful, swollen, all of it. I didn't even really have, like, time to process it or even really feel it because I was drinking so much. I was just, like, numbing myself all the time. So I'm sure that didn't help. My immune system was probably crap and all the stress. So, yeah, I started breaking out. I had the conversation with him. I even talked to, like, an ex that I had slept with months prior. He was the only other person I'd had sex with in, like, a year. So I was like, pretty sure it's you, buddy. Like, and he was just like, okay. Well, he ended up getting tested, and he did, finally. It was like, well, after I had moved, but he did. He was like, yeah, I tested positive. I was like, yeah. Well, like, so I don't think he knew. He says he doesn't know. I don't know. I. I think. I mean, with how many people are asymptomatic, I totally, like, believe that he didn't know that. But, yeah. So here I am.
- [22:45]
A
All right. I was gonna ask, like, how did you feel about that? Because, you know, where you got it from? Did that change your reaction that you had?
- [22:53]
B
Honestly, like, it's crazy because, like I said, I had so much happening that I didn't really fully process it because I was just like, I have to move. I have to get this stuff. I have to do that. I have to get my U Haul. I have to go make sure I'm. This stuff is packed. I have to make sure all this stuff's sold on Facebook. So I really didn't process it much until well after I moved because I was just like a blob for a while, too. I was like, all right, now I get to recover from burnout on top of everything. But I still talk to him. I do believe that he didn't know. Like, he passed it unintentionally. So, yeah.
- [23:35]
A
Yeah. Do you. When you got the chance to process. Right. Was there a more intense reaction or. I'm curious what the processing process was. So you get this diagnosis. You got all this stuff that you need to do. You mentioned numbing, and over that period of time when all of the stuff that needed to be taken care of got taken care of with what was left. Right. What were your questions? What were your concerns about herpes, if any at all?
- [24:15]
B
I literally, my first thought, because I'm such a, like, sexual being, I was like, I'm never gonna get ate out again. And I was so sad. I was like, damn it.
- [24:28]
A
And has that held to be true?
- [24:31]
B
No, I've definitely gotten eight out. So we're good here.
- [24:35]
A
All right, so what. What were your concerns with that? Like, was it the fear of passing it on, being asymptomatic? Like, And. And I'm curious about how some of those conversations would have gone, because I know that that's. That's something that women have cried over, like, not being able to get eaten out again because now they have herpes, and that's not true. So what, from your experience? I don't know. I don't know how to ask this. I'm trying to ask this in, like, a. I don't even know, professional way. I. I don't think I've been professional necessarily on this podcast. And I'll be forgetting that, like, this podcast is for the people with herpes. It's not for, like, the speaking opportunities or advocacy efforts and things like that. So it's just, like. It's just girl talk. Like, I think at this point, like, in this conversation, I can be seen as gay best friend sort of way. But how. How do you, like, when you talking to these men that still choose to go down on you, how you approaching that? Like, what, What? Give the girl some notes on having this conversation. You got genital herpes and you trying to get. You try and get eight out of.
- [25:55]
B
So I've Only had a couple experiences with this so far, but the first. Do what?
- [26:01]
A
Have you had any rejections?
- [26:03]
B
No.
- [26:05]
A
Okay, go on.
- [26:07]
B
I have not. So the first guy that I told, it was very, very soon after I had moved that I met him. And we hung out several times.
- [26:20]
A
Just.
- [26:20]
B
And didn't do anything, didn't kiss, nothing. And I was just like, oh, my gosh, I have got to tell this guy. I'm like, how am I gonna tell him? Like, oh, I don't know. We're, like, sitting in my car and he's like, thinking about possibly coming to stay with me, and I'm just like, I have to tell him now. Like, I can't do it later. Like, I have to before we even, like, get there. Because it's like a, you know, it was a drive. And so I. I sitting there and I was just like, I was scared out of my mind. I'm like, sweating, my palms are wet. I was just like, oh, my God. And I just, like, blurted it out. I was like, I have to tell you something. Do you know what HSV is? And he was like, yeah, I think so, but will you tell me just so I can make sure that I'm thinking of the right thing? And I was like, you know, herpes simplex virus. I have herpes. And it's the genital kind. And he was just like, oh, like, so nonchalant. I was, like, so surprised. He was just like, oh, yeah. He was like, one of my exes had it. That's fine. I was, like, blown away. I was like, I was stressing out for no reason.
- [27:22]
A
Like, get that a lot. Oh, one of my exes had it. Yeah, but that's how you got it, right?
- [27:30]
B
He didn't have it, though. He didn't have.
- [27:32]
A
Okay, yeah. Yeah. Well, it's just an interesting response. Like, that's something that. I don't know how often that's come up where someone has been met with. Yeah, Maybe in, like, the non monogamy polyamory world. Are you monogamous?
- [27:49]
B
Yes.
- [27:50]
A
And in dating, do you only date one person at a time?
- [27:55]
B
Yes.
- [27:56]
A
Okay, so the reason I asked that is because I don't. I think that it does look different for people who maybe are non monogamous versus people who are dating in the monogamous world. Because it's also kind of rare that the conversation about sex and sexual health even comes up. Because I think that there's often the assumption that people who are dating in the monogamous sense are clean, so to speak. I use Air quotes for anybody who's just listening in. And I don't know that the conversation. I don't know that there's a lot of skillful navigation of the conversation, if the conversation is even had. So that's why I was, I was just curious about that. To see like what your dating style was, to be able to speak to that a little bit.
- [28:43]
B
Yeah. So, yeah, definitely monogamous. I don't know how to. I get, like, I've been with like sexually, like a different story. Like, I've definitely like been with multiple people, been with some women. Like, I'm definitely like freer and open with that. But relationship wise, I usually am. Like, I, when I want to do that, I just date one person. I only want to be with one person kind of aspect. But I don't feel that just because I'm like a monogamous person that like makes it cleaner in a way because I'm just like, it's everywhere, you know, like it's, it's not easy to get, but it kind of is. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, if you're not careful and you're not asking the questions, like I said before, like, I always usually ask those questions, questions before I ever had sex. And anyone should be having that. Even if you don't have this, and especially if you do have it, you should be asking them too, so they don't give you something else too when you're already dealing with it.
- [29:44]
A
Like I'll be telling people.
- [29:46]
B
Yeah.
- [29:49]
A
Go ahead.
- [29:50]
B
I was gonna say just because they ask you or you tell them, like when you're disclosing to them, I'm like, you should ask them that back. Like, definitely. Like make sure. Like, have they been tested? Like, what's their, like, you know, where are they at with all of that? So.
- [30:08]
A
Yeah, and being from the south, so you've mentioned. I gotta, I gotta ask about this. So you mentioned having been with women and you're from the South. Like, do you, do you identify as not straight at all in any way, shape or form?
- [30:24]
B
I don't. Because I don't. I think only because I've only had like sexual experiences. So I guess for me I'm just like, that doesn't necessarily make me like bi or whatever it would be.
- [30:40]
A
This ain't the first time I heard that. That's why I'm a little bit curious. Like, because I, I have friends who would have talked about that. Like, they love men, been with men, but they've been in sexual relationships. With women. And I think it's interesting because what you do doesn't make up who you are so identifying as. And there's people who. There's someone I know who I follow on Instagram, like, she goes in on down low men or men who identify as straight even though they have sex with men, too. And it's interesting, the stigma, even in my internal reaction of hearing that, like, oh, like, you been with women a few times. Like, I didn't have a oh, my God, you're on the download reaction. Whereas I think about what's on the Internet about, like, men who will be with women, but then, like, have a, you know, sexual relationship with a man on the side. Do you feel any of that stigma? Or are there any thoughts or feelings that you have about being straight and having been with women? And is that even something that you're still into or interested in or curious?
- [31:47]
B
I'm just a very, like, open and curious person, Especially when it comes to sex. I feel like society, especially in the South. Oh, my God. Like, when you said the South, I'm just like, yeah, like, you don't talk about those things, but you'd be surprised in some of those communities just how much there's, like, swinging going on or, like, whatever the relationships are. Like, yeah, there is so much going on behind closed doors. And I think now that we're just in this time of, like, an era where everything is online, everyone knows everything about everything, so I feel like it's a little bit more open. But in the south, it's still not. So it's not something I would have, like, talked about super openly there. Like, all the people that know me, like, know they're like, oh, yeah, she's very, like, sexual and will do stuff. But now I feel like it's just interesting, navigating relationships and sex, period, with having herpes. So now it's like, okay, especially with me doing things naturally. So I'm like, if I have a breakout, like, I don't even really want to go talk to somebody, because I'm like, that can't happen right now. And I literally just had this conversation with my roommate yesterday. I was like, but I can still, like, talk to them and get to know them. I was like, it doesn't have to be about sex. You know, I was like, I need to get out of that mindset. Like, why am I thinking like that?
- [33:09]
A
But let's talk about that. I have felt that way, too. Not, like. So I. I end up having to tell people I have herpes. Way earlier than I'm ready to. Because typically they'll ask, what do you do? Right. I might be in yoga therapy training. I might have a yoga teacher certification. I might teach medical students. I might public speak. I do all of those things. But I think that all of these are arms or extensions of running something positive for positive people. So, in short, I'm just like, I run this nonprofit. Oh, what's it about? I run a nonprofit supporting people with herpes. And more often than not, I met with genuine, like, surprise, I guess, because that's such a specific thing. And I usually hear from people that they also have herpes, which is so surprising to me. Like, it's very surprising that I'm also. I'm hearing, you know, from these people who. To have it in this way that I don't know, that I would have ever seen coming. Like, the. Let me see. I'm kind of. I think I just like, drifted a little bit from what I was trying to say. But the point being that having the outcome dependency on this leading to a specific result, since realizing that that's something that I've been doing, I think I've been dialing back and just trying to make it a point to even just say hi to people. Right. Just let the goal be to just see what's there, and you free yourself from the expectations and the pressure of that, and you allow yourself to be a lot more present when you can do that, when you can just, oh, I'm Courtney. And then, like, maybe they don't want to be with. And they're like, oh, off. Or like, they accept the invitation and we have a nice little conversation, and then, you know, it goes where it goes. So. Yeah, I thought that was cool that you, you know, had mentioned that.
- [35:12]
B
Yeah, for sure.
- [35:16]
A
In the. I forgot what you said because I wanted to ask you more about it, to just kind of speak a little bit more to it, because I think that there is something there for people who maybe are stuck in, oh, my God, I'm eventually going to have to tell this person I have herpes. How am I going to tell them? What am I going to tell? What if. What are they going to think of me? And we. We give so much power to this other person that we don't even know if we're gonna get to a point of telling them that we have herpes. So how do you go about just staying present when meeting people?
- [35:48]
B
Yeah, I try to look at everything is like, we're only on this earth for, like, a short, finite amount of time. And there's so many people that are come in and out of your life and like, you know the, I can't remember who it is, but it's like the, the thing about the being on the bus and you have your people that are like in the back that are going to be there for the long haul and then you have your people in the middle that like come through but don't stay on for a super long time. And then you have your people in the front that are like, they get on and off like real quickly, you know, and the ones that you pass through. And I'm like, there's so many different people and aspects and things that you can learn and connect and put you into another place of alignment through people. So I try to look at it and stay present in like meeting a friend. Like these are just meeting new people friends. Like it doesn't have to be a possible sexual partner. It doesn't have to be someone that you're going to be in a relationship with. It doesn't have to be someone that's like a specific work connect or whatever it is. It's just meeting people and hearing their stories and like having that connection, whatever that may be between two people. Because we're humans and we need that. We need people and connections and we want that. So even if it is only a five minute conversation that brightens your day.
- [37:07]
A
I muted myself. I thought I was muted already. Yeah, this, this is 100. 100. And there's some freedom in that there. It's a lot more freedom in that because two now having herpes and please tell me if this is true for you, but have you gotten to a point where you've almost been able to let go a little bit more of expectations and talking to, dating, meeting people, because while it's possible that maybe they won't be okay with you having herpes and you just kind of can leave it as open ended as possible in your engagements with people.
- [37:50]
B
Yeah, definitely. Like, I felt it was weird because I went through like a phase where I was like, I feel like I have to tell them like right off the bat, like immediately I was like, why do I to need to do that? I was like, it's not who I am like at all. I'm like, it's just something that I like have and like struggle with every now and then when I have breakouts. So I don't feel the need to like tell people off the bat and up front as much anymore because I am more of a like bold Open person. It's just who I've always been and how I've always operated. Like, I've always said I'm kind of, like, honest to a fault because I don't know how to, like, not, like, even, like, say, like, white lies. I'm like, I don't know how to do that. So. But now it's kind of like, okay, like, why don't you, like, talk to someone and, like, let them get to know you as a human being first? And then, like, if you feel the need to. Or something kind of comes up or you start talking or, like, whatever it may be, that kind of leads to it. And I feel like you kind of just innately know, like, it. You'll feel inside of you, like, whether you want to talk about it or not. And, like, that's up to you as a person, if you want to or not. So, yeah, that's kind of how I look at it now. I was like, I don't need to say it immediately because it's not who I am.
- [39:05]
A
Yeah, that's. That's it right there. I want for people to get to that place and just recognize that the power of choice comes from us. You know, a lot of us weren't given in the choice and whether or not we exposed ourselves to this. So I think that us being able to give that power of choice to other people is how we reclaim our power rather than trying to take it back from other people by trying to maybe not telling them or maybe trying to manipulate the situation or just being on daily antivirals and doing the right thing by. And I use air quotes when I say right thing by not exposing other people to herpes. And I think all that is, man, like, we do the best with what we have. The information that we have is, you know, we talk to partners because we can't assume what their risks are based on what we would prefer for ourselves, what we would have preferred on the other side of this, because we haven't met ourselves, and a lot of us in that case, like, having not met ourselves, we don't know how another person might perceive us, because it always comes down to, do I like this person more than I don't want herpes. That's really it. And a lot of us just maybe don't like ourselves because of now having gotten this infection. We see that there's limitations to our ability to be sexual or to have relationships, and that's just not true. So we got to challenge that. So, yeah, I. I think that's. That's a good place to kind of close us out. Do you have anything that you want to add?
- [40:43]
B
I don't think so. Just more of. I was gonna. Oh, it's just a conversation. That's what I was gonna say. It's just communication. It's a conversation and I think, or you look at it like that, the easier it becomes. It's just a conversation. Whatever happens, happens. You're not gonna literally be like bombed off this earth if something happens. You know, they say no or whatever it may be. So yeah.
- [41:12]
A
All right. And then how can people find you if they want to connect with you, follow you on social media or work with you?
- [41:19]
B
Yeah. So I'm on Instagram at essentially prepped P R E P P E D and you can also email me at essentiallyprepped gmail.com and I've got everything on there. So easy. Make it easy.
- [41:35]
A
All right, that sounds good. Well, I appreciate your time. Thanks for being here and thanks for bringing your face and your presence and that, that Alabama Southern accent as well. But yeah, we'll stay on for a little bit so I can check in with you about how everything went. We're going to post this episode right after it uploads. So yeah. Anything else?
- [42:01]
B
Just thank you for having me. I appreciate you having me on the podcast and just always wanting to shed a bright light. So.
- [42:09]
A
All right, that concludes this episode of Something Positive for Positive People. Again, please, like review, share, subscribe to this podcast and if you are interested in support in any way, shape or form, just start with a support call, reach out about that. Everything's donation based or free. And then if you're interested in the support groups, just know that the first and third Wednesdays are for women and the second and fourth Mondays are for men. Sometimes the dates need to change just depending on what I got going on. Like next week is Thanksgiving so I'm going to be doing some traveling around this so things are going to look a little different for Monday the 20. Wow, what day is that going to be?
- [42:51]
B
The 24.
- [42:52]
A
The. The next support group, the 24th. Thank you. But yeah, come check us out and if you enjoyed this episode, let me know. I'm curious because I ain't interviewed a person in a while. If you can't tell, like I was getting stuck and I'm like, what? What was I saying? All right, but till next time, stay present it.