Episode Overview

Podcast: Something Positive for Positive People
Episode: 396 – What Herpes Taught Me About Sex
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Date: November 26, 2025

In this introspective, solo episode, host Courtney W. Brame reflects on the personal and communal evolution that has come from over a decade of living with herpes. The discussion centers on how his relationship to sex, intimacy, vulnerability, and identity has changed due to his diagnosis, and looks at broader notions of growth, identity attachment, and stigma. Courtney also shares major life and organizational updates as SPFPP approaches its 400th podcast episode, and hints at the podcast winding down so energy can be redirected toward new advocacy and support ventures.

Key Themes & Discussion Points

SPFPP Updates & Upcoming Events

• Courtney announces SPFPP's 400th podcast episode is approaching, along with community events like karaoke in Brooklyn on Dec 12, 2025, and an ongoing expansion of local support group offerings ([02:00–07:30]).
• He's launching sexual health conversation simulations: seeking actors to represent diverse relationship dynamics for educational videos, emphasizing inclusivity (gender identities, abilities, relationship styles) ([06:00–09:20]).
• Reflects on ceasing to apply for grants after repeated frustration:

  "There's no herpes-focused grants that exist. And I've been trying to fit a square peg into a round hole..." ([11:10])

• Recounts a major donor offering funds for the new project right after he released his attachment to grants.

On Letting Go of the Podcast & Identity Release

• Courtney is considering wrapping up the podcast at episode 400:

  "It just feels like the right time... most topics have been covered. We've gone into some heavy conversations. We've gone into some light, playful conversations." ([16:00])

  • He expresses excitement about refocusing energy away from production and into offering more direct support and professional speaking:

    "I'm a published author now... I've presented at conferences... It's time for me to go ahead and step into that professional lens." ([17:00–18:00])

• Identity shift: After 8 years, he’s grappling with the personal attachment of being Courtney-as-podcaster:

  "It's hard to release that identity. It's been eight years, and something I've become so attached to as part of my sense of self." ([18:20])

  • Quotes a board member: "Courtney, you're not a podcaster. You're more than a podcaster."

What Herpes Taught Me About Sex

Early Attitudes Around Sex ([20:20–28:00])

• After diagnosis, believed sex might be over:

  "When I first was diagnosed, I did not think that I would be able to have sex again because no one would want herpes. Joke's on me — went away. And people do want to have sex with me." ([21:00])

• Pre-diagnosis mindset:
  • Women weren't thought to want sex as much (influenced by an ex’s comments)
  • Focused largely on physical acts — “just intercourse”
  • Repeated patterns of being easily manipulated by partners through sex

Evolution to Intimacy and Emotional Connection

• Herpes diagnosis became a catalyst for rethinking sex:

  "My relationship to sex was exclusively limited to my dick. And through me getting herpes... that has shifted the way that I relate to women romantically." ([29:00])

  • Realized intimacy — emotionally, vulnerably connecting — is what he truly sought
  • Now seeks partners worth the vulnerability of discussing his status:

    "It made me pick people that I have more intimacy with. I want to make sure that it's somebody worth me going through the emotional fatigue that comes with prepping for having that conversation." ([30:40])

• Broader definition of intimacy:

  • Not determined by length of acquaintance; can be instant or gradual

    "Intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to be built over time. Like, you don’t need to know someone for 10 years... you can know someone for 10 seconds and feel like you know them." ([33:00])

• Vulnerability as strength:

  • Sharing needs, being emotionally open, and learning from past mistakes with partners and friends.
  • Recent example: Apologizing to someone he unintentionally hurt due to divided attention during a difficult period ([36:00–39:20])

Sex as a Presence Practice

• Sex now about presence, shared vulnerability, and depth — not just physical release:

  "Sex has become a presence practice for intimacy. I don’t want to just put my dick in somebody... I can jack off for that. I want intimacy. That’s what I desire. That’s what my soul is calling for, my nervous system is calling for — intimate connections." ([42:15])

• Extends this to friendships:

  • Finds as much fulfillment in platonic intimacy and connection as in romance

Kink, Communication, and Sexual Exploration ([01:06:00+])

• Talks about what expressions of sexuality do and don’t resonate:

  • Comfortable with sharing kinks: e.g., fantasy about a Chick-fil-A roleplay

    "I feel so much more comfortable just naming that and saying that..." ([01:13:00])

  • Not interested in pain-centric kink, but recognizes the importance of communication and consent

• Acknowledges desire for healthy outlets for “toxic” feelings, choosing roleplay or kink negotiation over creating real toxic dynamics.

Boundaries, Vulnerability, and Redefining Intimacy

• Recent support group discussion on boundaries vs. vulnerability:
  • Boundaries are “entrance points” for intimacy, not barriers
  • They protect vulnerability and enable deeper connection ([01:01:30])
• Reflects on how his own boundaries now serve to protect core identity while still allowing meaningful engagement with others

Spiritual and Personal Growth

• Herpes led to greater spiritual self-awareness and acceptance

  "Another thing my herpes diagnosis has done is it's led me to a spiritual relationship to myself, a spiritual relationship with God." ([01:16:00])

• Feels gratitude for the growth; accepting that change and “release” allow space for new opportunities and authentic self-expression

  "As I let go, I'm finding that there are so many more opportunities for me... that align with who I am now." ([01:22:30])

• Encourages listeners to reflect on their own definitions of sex, intimacy, vulnerability, and the role of boundaries.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On stigma and internalized beliefs:

  "I needed to get my dick wet... because that's what we were told... There wasn't any emphasis on intimacy or demisexuality or emotional connection." ([25:45])

• On the value of new intimacy:

  "I've had some of the best phone sex that's been better than some of the sex that I've had." ([42:30])

• On boundaries as connection tools:

  "Boundaries are not limitations. They're more of a checkpoint of being able to proceed with deeper intimacy and vulnerability." ([01:02:20])

• On growth and spiritual alignment:

  "When I release my attachment to all of these parts of myself, what am I left with? What I want people to really see..." ([33:30])

Highlighted Timestamps

• 05:30 – SPFPP community events and support group updates
• 09:50 – Simulated sexual health conversations; recruiting diverse actors
• 11:30 – On stopping grant applications and being reached out to by a donor
• 16:00 – Contemplating ending the podcast; the journey so far
• 20:20 – Early beliefs about sex post-herpes diagnosis
• 25:45 – Objectification, performance, and evolving understanding of sexuality
• 30:40 – Picking partners with intimacy in mind
• 39:20 – Story on unintentionally hurting someone and learning from it
• 42:15 – Sex as presence, intimacy over performance
• 01:01:30 – Discussion on boundaries, vulnerability, and intimacy
• 01:13:00 – Sharing personal kinks and comfort with sexual exploration
• 01:16:00 – Herpes as a doorway to spiritual and personal growth
• 01:22:30 – Letting go of rigid identities and the evolution of self

Takeaway Messages

• Herpes can be a doorway to self-discovery and growth, not just an obstacle.
• Intimacy, vulnerability, and connection surpass physical sex in fulfillment and meaning.
• Redefining boundaries, attachment, and identity can unlock new supportive and spiritual pathways.
• Communicate openly about your needs, desires, and limits––in sex, relationships, and life.
• Release attachment to rigid roles to create room for authentic, aligned opportunities.

Courtney’s Tone

• Raw, sincere, direct, and sometimes playful:

  "These last five podcast episodes, like, I'm gonna give y'all the raw essence..." ([27:50])

• Embraces vulnerability, self-deprecation, and humor as he shares hard-won lessons and looks ahead to change.

For Further Listening

• Courtney’s future work will continue on the podcast "SELFed," with deeper explorations of his personal growth, atomic language, spirituality, and educational work in sexual health and yoga therapy.

If you’re navigating herpes stigma, seeking support, or interested in the intersections between sexual health, vulnerability, and personal growth, this episode is a meaningful, candid listen.