Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People – Episode 398: Practicing Perfection
Podcast: Something Positive for Positive People
Host: Courtney W. Brame (SPFPP.org)
Guest: Lauren, storyteller and nonprofit project manager from Chicago
Date: December 6, 2025
Episode: 398 – Practicing Perfection
Episode Overview
In this heartfelt, candid episode, Courtney Brame interviews Lauren, a Chicago-based storyteller and project manager, about her journey confronting herpes stigma, navigating dating, and finding empowerment through storytelling. The conversation unpacks the intersections of vulnerability, perfectionism, and shame, and highlights Lauren’s creative project—a one-woman show inspired by her experiences. The episode gently challenges dominant narratives around sexual health and models open, nonjudgmental dialogue about herpes.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Alignment and the Near Conclusion of SPFPP
- Courtney reflects on nearing episode 400 and the “completeness” he feels in winding down the podcast.
- [00:02] “[...] I feel really complete in closing out the Something Positive for Positive People podcast at episode 400 [...]”
- He introduces Lauren as the penultimate guest and notes the serendipity of her reaching out at the perfect moment.
- [05:00] “You popping up when you did just speaks to how things align in the way that they're supposed to.”
2. Lauren’s Background & Entry into Storytelling
- Lauren is from Boston, lives in Chicago, works in the nonprofit sector, and is developing a one-woman show for February 2025.
- [02:12] “On the side, I do storytelling as a pretty serious passion and hobby. And I'm currently developing a one woman show [...]”
- Her entry into storytelling was catalyzed by a painful breakup resulting from herpes disclosure and subsequent rejection.
- [03:44] “I was going through a really bad breakup because of herpes. Someone rejected me and I decided to start telling stories.”
- She describes storytelling as therapy and a way to process her experiences.
- [14:08] “Saying the word more out loud was really powerful for me in helping me accept my situation. And also, writing is so helpful for processing emotions.”
3. Navigating Stigma, Perfectionism, and Authenticity
- Lauren recounts the pivotal rejection:
- [08:13] "He literally said I was perfect. And it still wasn't enough. For the longest time, it made me feel really hopeless, like there's nothing I can do. I'm just gonna die alone."
- She discusses her lifelong struggle to present herself as “perfect”—both in dating and life—reinforced by upbringing and societal pressure.
- [10:43] “I've become really used to trying to be perfect. Even before I got herpes [...] I was trying really hard to seem knowledgeable in all these topics.”
4. The Power and Healing of Storytelling
- Sharing her story, especially in a supportive community, brought both catharsis and empathy—even toward the person who transmitted herpes to her.
- [14:23] “By the time I finished writing it, I developed so much empathy for the person who gave me herpes.”
- Courtney and Lauren discuss the power of naming experiences out loud and the healing that can come from vulnerability.
5. Herpes, Dating, and Disclosure Ethics
- Lauren admits to periods of non-disclosure with new partners post-long-term relationship, rationalizing her decisions based on her precautions and the lack of general education around herpes.
- [19:50] “To be really honest, I didn't disclose with a few guys at First. I rationalized it very hard. [...] I actually feel like a safer bet. I don't believe this now, by the way, but this is what I was telling myself.”
- She describes the anxiety, guilt, and moral ambiguity she felt, and how she ultimately learned the value of transparency.
- [22:54] “It just felt like a moral gray area to me with the stigma. And I was like, people with cold sores aren't disclosing before they kiss someone. Why do I have to do this? [...] fairness is not the same thing as morality.”
6. Moving from ‘Disclosure’ to ‘Discussion’
- Courtney introduces a pivotal language shift:
- [35:43] “So we don't use the word disclosing here. We use the word discussing, right? [...] It's not a confession, it's a conversation.”
- Lauren acknowledges how reframing the conversation reduces guilt and shame, and leads to healthier, more mutual exchanges about sexual health.
7. Cultural Context and Shame vs. Embarrassment
- Lauren distinguishes her embarrassment from shame, noting that she never felt internal shame (“I have no regrets”), just societal discomfort.
- [29:54] "I think shame is different from embarrassment [...] I'm embarrassed to have her be where I was because of the stigma that society puts on it.”
- Courtney challenges her on this, prompting reflection about the underlying drivers of silence.
8. Gender Norms and Initiation of Sexual Health Talks
- Lauren observes the gendered expectations around initiating sexual health discussions, noting how it feels at odds with the “mysterious” role women often are expected to play in dating:
- [36:06] “There's a gender thing... women are usually, like, the submissive one. [...] That doesn't really align with initiating a conversation about sex.”
- Courtney expands on how men, especially heterosexual men, aren’t taught or socially permitted to discuss pleasure or sexual health openly, which often shifts the burden to women.
9. Lauren’s Current Relationship & Ongoing Advocacy
- Lauren shares she’s currently in a supportive relationship; her new partner was open, did some research, and encouraged her storytelling passion.
- [41:36] "It went great. I actually... by the second date, I told him and he was very chill about it."
- She hopes her story will empower others and is open to connecting with those struggling with similar experiences.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Alignment & Readiness:
- Courtney: [05:00] “You popping up when you did just speaks to how things align in the way that they're supposed to.”
- On Rejection and Perfection:
- Lauren: [08:13] “He literally said I was perfect. And it still wasn't enough. For the longest time, it made me feel really hopeless...”
- On Storytelling as Healing:
- Lauren: [14:23] “By the time I finished writing it, I developed so much empathy for the person who gave me herpes.”
- On Gender and Sexual Health Conversations:
- Lauren: [36:06] “There's a gender thing... women are usually, like, the submissive one. [...] That doesn't really align with initiating a conversation about sex.”
- Courtney: [38:18] “Men, we are not given the tools that we need, especially men who date women, to talk about sex and sexual health.”
- On Shifting from Disclosure to Discussion:
- Courtney: [35:43] “So we don't use the word disclosing here. We use the word discussing, right? [...] It's not a confession, it's a conversation.”
- On Digital Dating and Stigma:
- Lauren: [40:32] “Not one guy ever asked me about my sexual health during my whole, like, dating time. Yet the moment I mentioned herpes, like, suddenly their body was a temple.”
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Courtney’s reflection and podcast closure update: [00:02] – [05:00]
- Lauren’s introduction and backstory: [02:12] – [03:44]
- Herpes-related rejection and perfectionism: [08:01] – [09:59]
- First storytelling experience and healing: [13:42] – [15:23]
- Navigating disclosure ethics in dating: [19:50] – [24:00]
- Discussion of cultural context and shame: [28:35] – [32:11]
- Reframing ‘disclosure’ as discussion: [35:43] – [36:06]
- Exploring gender norms in dating dialogue: [36:06] – [38:18]
- Lauren’s supportive relationship: [41:36] – [42:20]
- Encouragement for others & Lauren’s contact info: [45:08] – [45:43]
Resources & Where to Connect
- Lauren’s Instagram: @_laurontellstories
- SPFPP Website & Survey: SPFPP.org
- For support, events, or to share your story, reach out to Lauren or Courtney via their respective platforms.
Tone and Style
The episode is candid, compassionate, and gently humorous, balancing vulnerability with hope and encouragement. Both Courtney and Lauren are unflinchingly honest, using personal anecdotes and gentle challenges to elevate the conversation beyond stigma and into empowerment.
For support or further discussion, visit SPFPP.org, join support groups, or connect with Lauren for storytelling advice or solidarity in navigating dating with herpes.