Podcast Summary

Podcast: Something Positive for Positive People
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Episode: 399 – “What Herpes Taught Me About God”
Date: December 8, 2025
Guest: Lauren (Storyteller and Project Manager)

Overview

This heartfelt episode features Lauren, a Chicago-based storyteller, as she shares her personal journey with herpes—how its stigma ultimately led to self-discovery, the pursuit of her passion, and deeper insights on authenticity and intimacy. With the Something Positive for Positive People podcast nearing its milestone 400th and final episode, this conversation stands as both reflective and forward-looking, exploring the intersections of vulnerability, shame, empowerment, and sexual health advocacy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Storytelling Origin Story

• Lauren’s Background
  • Lauren is a storyteller and project manager in the nonprofit sector (02:12).
  • She is developing a one-woman show to be performed in Chicago in February 2025 (02:46).
• Initial Motivation to Begin Storytelling
  • Her entry into storytelling was catalyzed by a painful breakup resulting from herpes disclosure in 2021 (03:44).
  • Lauren underscores how the diagnosis and subsequent rejection pushed her to hit “rock bottom,” leading her to search for a storytelling workshop in Chicago—ultimately igniting her passion (07:38).
  • “It took me hitting rock bottom for me to actually just Google Storytelling Workshop, Chicago. And then I told a 10 minute story.” (09:46)

2. Stigma, Disclosure, and Moral Complexity

• Fear of Disclosure vs. Actual Disclosure

  • Lauren’s initial attempts to navigate dating post-diagnosis were fraught with fear, occasionally leading her to not disclose her status before intimacy (19:50).
  • “I rationalized it very hard. … I also saw that the stigma was so alive. And I thought to myself, I’m taking all these precautions...I actually feel like a safer bet.” (20:04)
  • She reflects honestly on the ethical and emotional struggles: “It just felt like a moral gray area to me with the stigma. And I was like, people with cold sores aren’t disclosing before they kiss someone. Why do I have to do this?” (22:34)
  • Courtney reframes “disclosure” as “discussing” sexual health: “It’s not a confession. It’s a conversation.” (35:41)

• Navigating Rejection and Acceptance

  • Lauren shares two contrasting post-reveal partner responses—one partner was nonchalant, another withdrew:
    • “I actually had two experiences like this. One of them, the guy was super chill…Another guy…ended things with me…I imagine that either herpes or me not telling him about herpes contributed to that. So it was a terrible feeling.” (21:42)
  • She highlights the lesson learned: “Fairness is not the same thing as morality. Just because it’s not fair that I have to disclose and people with cold sores aren't, doesn't mean that I shouldn’t be doing it.” (22:34)

3. Identity, Authenticity, and Perfectionism

• The Weight of Perfectionism

  • Courtney asks about authenticity and “trying to be perfect” in dating:
    • Lauren admits her perfectionistic drive was reinforced by sports and societal pressure, making it difficult to be present or truly authentic (10:43).
    • “I was not fully present on these dates. Like, I was trying really hard to seem knowledgeable in all these topics…” (11:18)
  • Lauren identifies her diagnosis as a catalyst for embracing a more authentic version of herself.

• Empathy Toward Herpes Source

  • By writing and sharing her story, Lauren unexpectedly fostered empathy for the person who transmitted HSV to her:
    • “By the time I finished writing [my story], I developed so much empathy for the person who gave me herpes. Weirdly enough…he ended up ghosting me…But writing this story…made me realize, he’s probably dealing with a stigma too.” (14:23)

4. Cultural, Social, and Gender Contexts

• Upbringing and Sex Talk

  • Lauren describes a relatively shame-free, yet sexually reserved upbringing: “I’m not religious, so I have no shame around sex, really...I’ve never had shame around herpes.” (28:35)
  • Courtney probes the difference between shame and embarrassment. Lauren responds:
    • “Shame is different from embarrassment. …I have no regrets about having that one night stand in college. …but I’m embarrassed to have herpes because of the stigma that society puts on it.” (29:54)

• Gendered Expectations and Initiating Sexual Health Conversations

  • Lauren notes the mismatch between traditional gender norms and owning/directing conversations about sexual health:
    • “Women are usually…not the one to be, like, super direct. …being someone obsessed with Sex and the City…I feel like her [Samantha] character is something I wanted to embody…but there is some sort of, like, mysterious part that I still grieve.” (36:05)
  • Courtney elaborates how most men, especially those dating women, are seldom equipped to have these conversations due to lack of sexual health messaging for straight men (38:18).
  • Lauren observes: “Not one guy ever asked me about my sexual health during my whole dating time. Yet the moment I mentioned herpes, suddenly their body was a temple…” (40:32)

5. Embracing Vulnerability in Dating

• Overcoming Fear, Cultivating Confidence
  • Lauren shares candidly about her progress: “The more confident you get with…discussing your sexual health, the better it is. …But way easier said than done.” (42:47)
  • She encourages self-compassion: “Have grace with yourself…It’s okay if you…hyperventilate with herpes statistics and probably scare the guy more than you had to.” (43:02)
  • “Someone is going to be open-minded or not and you actually don’t play a major role in it, which can be really liberating.” (43:19)

6. Supportive Partners and Going Public

• Sharing Her Story Online for the First Time
  • Lauren describes the milestone of publicly sharing her herpes status on social media as a “core memory” (06:08).
• Support from Her Partner
  • Lauren relays her current partner’s supportive stance:
    • “He’s been really supportive of my storytelling passion. And yeah, he’s like an amazing guy…herpes aside, they just didn’t really want me telling stories about other guys…he just doesn’t have that big ego.” (41:36)

7. Looking Forward: Resources and Advocacy

• The Value of Community
  • Courtney expresses gratitude for Lauren’s openness and invites her (and listeners) to continue supporting people with positive stories and real talk, including potential future resources for those navigating dating post-diagnosis (44:28).
  • Lauren invites listeners to connect with her for support or information about her shows:
    • “If anyone is ever interested in storytelling or just want someone to talk to about dating with herpes, like feel free to slide into my DMs.” (45:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hitting Rock Bottom and Rebuilding:

  • “It took me hitting rock bottom for me to actually just Google Storytelling Workshop, Chicago. And then I told a 10 minute story.” (09:46, Lauren)
  • “So it was only after we ended that relationship…I was like, maybe I’ll never even have to think about herpes ever again in my life.” (17:28, Lauren)

• On Disclosure, Risk, and Stigma:

  • “Fairness is not the same thing as morality. Just because it’s not fair that I have to disclose...doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be doing it.” (22:34, Lauren)
  • “I still believe that herpes should not be considered a sexually transmitted infection because it’s transmitted sensually...It’s about our relationship to sex.” (26:43, Courtney)

• On Self-Compassion in Dating with Herpes:

  • “Have grace with yourself…It’s okay if you do that the first couple of times. Like, cut yourself some slack.” (42:47, Lauren)
  • “Someone is going to be open-minded or not and you actually don’t play a major role in it, which can be really liberating.” (43:19, Lauren)

• On Gender Norms and Initiating the Conversation:

  • “There is some sort of, like, mysterious part that I still grieve, if I’m being honest.” (36:05, Lauren)
  • “We’re not signing legal documents. …It’s not a confession. It’s a conversation. It’s not a disclosure. It’s a discussion.” (35:41, Courtney)

Key Segment Timestamps

• Lauren Introduces Herself and Journey (02:12 – 07:38)
• Herpes Diagnosis and Roots of Storytelling (07:38 – 14:23)
• Processing Rejection and Perfectionism (10:24 – 12:42)
• Empathy For Herpes Transmission and Healing (13:42 – 17:28)
• Sexual Health Conversations, Gender Norms, and Stigma (19:50 – 41:36)
• Going Public/Support From Partner (06:08, 41:36)
• Closing Thoughts and Support Networks (43:47 – End)

Connect with the Guest

Instagram: @_laurentellstories
DMs open for support, storytelling, and info on upcoming shows.

Closing

As the podcast nears its conclusion, Courtney and Lauren reflect on the evolving landscape of herpes advocacy and sexual health dialogue, emphasizing the power of storytelling and the value of showing up with empathy, accountability, and authenticity.

For herpes support, mental health resources, or to participate in stigma reduction efforts:
Visit SPFPP.org

“Stay present.” –Courtney W. Brame (45:50)