Podcast Summary: Something Positive for Positive People – Episode 400

Title: What Herpes Taught Me About Authenticity (Part 1)
Host: Courtney W. Brame
Date: February 17, 2026

Overview

This milestone solo episode marks Courtney W. Brame’s 400th recording of Something Positive for Positive People. The episode is an open, reflective monologue in which Courtney digests a transformative year, charting his journey through personal loss, relationship reevaluation, and the search for identity after a herpes diagnosis – all with wit, vulnerability, and depth. He explores authenticity, boundaries, community, and the deeper lessons learned in both his own life and through his nonprofit’s work against herpes stigma.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal and Professional Accountability

• Overdue Milestone & Busy Year: Courtney candidly acknowledges procrastinating on recording this episode. With over 277 tracked support call signups in 2025 and a surge afterwards, he underscores how demand has stretched both his time and emotional resources.

  "I've been promising this since December...no excuse. A lot of things have been happening – I have been really, really busy in a good way." (00:20)

• Admin & Community Work: He details improvements to the SPFPP website and the structure of support groups, sharing the momentum generated by these efforts.

2. Balance, Burnout & Identity After Loss

• Juggling Multiple Roles: Apart from running SPFPP, Courtney is finishing yoga therapy training and teaches medical students, while still juggling dating, and ongoing grief from a major breakup.
• Loss of Identity & Community: He describes feeling unanchored after his breakup, having to let go of prior community ties, and reassess his place in sexual health work.

  "I lost my identity. And yeah, I, I lost a community as well." (21:00)

3. The Polyamory Realization

• Labels Projected by Others: Both his ex-partner and therapist labeled him as polyamorous, but he found it never aligned with his authentic self.

  "They both were like, yeah, you're polyamorous. Like, no, that doesn't fit." (10:30)

• Discovering Self vs. External Expectations: An in-depth discussion unfolds on how he adopted this label, the guilt it caused, and the necessity of healthy distance and boundaries – likening relationships to the layers of an atom.

  "Some of that feedback was to make a presentation and it landed really, really well..." (09:30, about personal and professional feedback loops)

4. Herpes, Stigma, and Authenticity

• Herpes as a Catalyst, Not a Core Obstacle: Courtney examines how herpes, rather than being the issue in relationships, was a catalyst that forced him to confront deeper patterns of self-sabotage and avoidance.
• Importance of Being Seen and Present: He shares how the work has become an authentic extension of himself rather than a role or isolated project.
• Metaphor of the Atom: Courtney riffs on atoms – positivity (proton), negativity (electron), and ourselves as the neutral neutron – to illustrate presence and alignment, drawing from both quantum physics and spirituality.

  "Positivity and negativity are drawn to each other, right? These two forces, they attract, but they never completely merge...we give them rhythm." (25:30)

• On Trying to “Save” People:

  "I can't save people. That's another lesson that I've learned...All you can do is, you know, offer presence, be there with them and let them be who they are." (38:30)

5. Patterns in Attachment & Intimacy

• Recurring Distance/Safety Dynamic: A childhood memory reveals a pattern: feeling drawn to long-distance or emotionally distant relationships that are “safe” until they become real/intimate, prompting withdrawal.

  "She comes around the corner, I see it and I just take off running...when it came down to, you know, physical in person and like now it's real, it was like, nope, I like the fantasy better." (44:10)

• Bringing Old Behaviors Into New Situations: He recognizes how unresolved childhood coping mechanisms still influence his adult relationships.

6. Community, Belonging, & the “Flicker” of Herpes Advocacy

• Difficulty Finding Lasting Community: Contrasts the vibrant “fires” of other communities (sex-positive, kink, LGBTQ) with the “flicker” of herpes advocacy—sometimes catching, often not.

  "The herpes community is, it's like if you have a lighter and you're flickering the lighter and it's just not catching flight..." (33:00)

• Living Adjacent to Communities: Courtney reflects on feeling perpetually adjacent to many communities rather than fully inside them.

7. Alignment, Boundaries & Newfound Grounding

• Output Over Outcome: His main focus now is on the quality of what he gives, not what he receives or achieves in return.
• Learning to Say No: As he’s become busier and more grounded, he recognizes the importance of healthy boundaries—something he hopes not to lose sight of.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Identity and Authenticity:

  "I used to believe that I needed to have like, my own separate identity from Something Positive for Positive People...but the reality is like, it's the other way around." (29:20)

• Powerful Metaphor for Growth:

  "If you look at the atom's purpose, I guess to achieve maximum evolution, minimal waste, so minimal effort, maximum potential is reached." (36:05)

• On Boundaries and Letting People In:

  "You let people get closer as they earn the right to be closer. And don't just start people out with planet-person insurance." (41:10)

• On Community & Belonging:

  "I'm adjacent to y'all. Like, I enjoy hanging out with y'all...but that's y'all's culture. ...My own identity, own culture..." (24:36)

• On Polyamory and Labels:

  "To label me is to disable me. I felt that in my soul." (35:00; quoting Shambo/Nick Cannon anecdote)

• Childhood Patterns Repeating:

  "When it came down to, you know, physical in person, and now it's real, it was like, nope, I like the fantasy better." (44:20)

• On the True Impact of Herpes:

  "This goes way bigger than I got herpes and I’m scared of rejection...that can be a reason, an excuse to not look at other things that could be more prevalent, more so impacting you." (43:31)

Timestamps for Key Sections

• 00:20 – Reflections on being busy and support call volume
• 08:00–12:00 – Reflections on breakup, grief, loss of community
• 13:00–21:00 – Discovery and doubts about polyamory identity
• 24:35 – Feeling “adjacent” to multiple communities
• 25:30–28:40 – Quantum metaphor: atoms, positivity, negativity, and consciousness
• 38:30 – On accepting he can’t “save” people
• 41:10 – Importance of discernment and boundaries
• 44:10–45:30 – Childhood story about running away from intimacy
• 48:00 – "Karate vs. street fight": navigating sex positivity vs. "vanilla" spaces
• 55:00–57:00 – Ramadan, discipline, and new boundaries
• 61:00 – Closing thoughts on sustaining purpose and self-alignment

Tone, Style & Delivery

Courtney’s tone is candid, self-aware, and gently humorous, marked by deep introspection and an unapologetic examination of his emotional landscape. He oscillates between big-picture philosophical insights and extremely personal anecdotes, holding space for both vulnerability and practical advice.

Summary

Episode 400 is a rich internal audit—a nuanced meditation on how herpes forced Courtney not just to face the stigma, but to interrogate his very sense of self, purpose, and the authentic boundaries that keep him aligned. The real lessons were never just about the diagnosis, but about recalibrating identity, community, and the rhythm between giving and self-preservation. This is required listening for anyone thinking herpes stigma is the final boss—or for anyone wrestling with identity, labels, or the challenge of showing up authentically in the world.