Something Positive for Positive People

Episode 401: What Herpes Taught Me About Authenticity – Part 2

Host: Courtney W. Brame
Date: February 21, 2026

Episode Overview

Courtney W. Brame delivers a deeply personal solo episode reflecting on what living with herpes has taught him about authenticity. Building on part one, he moves beyond initial ramblings to share actionable insights about boundaries, self-awareness, identity, and growth. Using analogies from science, sports, and his own life, Courtney unpacks the journey from diagnosis to self-acceptance, emphasizing how herpes forced him to confront truths about himself, revise his priorities, and establish clear boundaries in his personal relationships and his work with SPFPP. This episode doubles as both a self-examination and a look at the evolution of the organization—highlighting the importance of maximum efficiency, minimal waste, and authenticity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Moving Beyond Good/Bad Duality

• Theme: Courtney challenges the notion that a herpes diagnosis is simply “bad.” He reframes experiences into a spectrum of positive (presence) and negative (potential), each necessary for growth and self-understanding.

  • [02:00] “I want you to throw that thought process out the window… it's not like a good or bad thing. It's a positive and a negative. You can have a positive perspective on this, or you can have a negative perspective on this.”

• Analogy: He likens life and diagnosis to the dynamic between protons, neutrons, and electrons in an atom—awareness is the central stabilizing force.

2. Identity, Naivety, and the Impact of Diagnosis

• Courtney shares his pre-diagnosis life: growing up with young parents, always in relationships, often seeking sex as validation, and not knowing what he truly wanted.

  • [09:00] “When I got my diagnosis… I didn't really give myself the opportunity to explore what I wanted… it was always what I was supposed to do based on my environment rather than what I want to do.”

• He describes the diagnosis as a “screenshot” moment: people get stuck as the version of themselves at the time of diagnosis and struggle to move past it.

3. Listening to Inner Signals and Nervous System

• Emphasizes the importance of tuning into subtle warnings or “gentle whispers” from the nervous system—often missed when seeking external validation or ignoring boundaries.

  • Memorable analogy:
    • [23:00] “Our nervous systems speak very gently. It's almost like a whisper… if our awareness isn't really on that stillness, if we're not grounded… we miss things.”

• Uses the metaphor of being a landlord to an apartment: when “tenant 1B” (herpes) needs something, subtle cues come first before escalation.

4. The Cost of People-Pleasing and Lack of Boundaries

• Relates his previous people-pleasing and risk-averse tendencies, shaped by experiences in sports and relationships, to the solidification of an inauthentic identity post-diagnosis.

  • [46:00] “I was not a risk taker. And this version of me, like, solidified… this rock that ain't got nothing to it. Ain't no personality… It's not magnetic. It's just there.”

• Explains how avoidance and not listening to his own needs led to unhealthy relationship cycles.

5. The Journey of Unraveling Stagnant Identity

• Advocates for curiosity and self-examination—unfreezing that “screenshot” by bringing awareness back to oneself.

  • [59:00] “As you give your attention to a thing, you start to see that maybe you don't like… and the unfolding of that is kind of bringing it back into the up and down wave function.”

• Discusses how peaks (acceptance) and valleys (rejection) post-diagnosis reinforce self-limiting narratives unless confronted.

6. Redefining Love & Self-Nurture

• Describes exploring love with support groups—many define love only in relation to others, which he challenges.

  • [01:10:00] “My definition… to love is to nurture one's nature. It's not exclusively contingent on another person.”

• Encourages listeners to identify and nurture their own nature, rather than forming identity/needs around others' expectations.

7. Boundary-Setting as a Path to Authenticity

• Outlines the challenge and recent progress in establishing boundaries—both emotionally and in practical settings like SPFPP’s support calls.

  • [01:20:00] “I've had to say no. And that's been such a hard thing for me because I want to save everybody…. But the idea of nurturing my nature… the idea of right and wrong aren’t opposites, they're complementary forces.”

• Acknowledges how boundaries protect energy and differentiate between his support role and unhealthy emotional entanglement.

• Uses an anime metaphor: “I'll help anybody willing to help themselves. And I think I got that from watching One Piece because Luffy… only helps those who ask and are willing to fight for themselves.”

8. Practical Adjustments & Organizational Evolution

• Courtney lays out new boundaries for SPFPP support services:

  • Support calls are strictly 30 minutes; late arrivals lose time or must reschedule.

  • Only those ready to help themselves are suitable for the calls.

  • More focus on efficient group offerings, possibly discontinuing men’s groups if attendance doesn’t rise.

  • [01:50:00] “I’m here to help you help you… If you are unwilling to do the things… I can't help you.”

• Announces shift toward solo podcast episodes and in-person events, prioritizing quality engagement over social media reach or wasted energy.

9. Health, Habits, and Life Commitments

• Shares recent learnings about his body and health—changing habits to prevent illness.
• Relates this back to his core theme: respecting personal limits increases efficiency and supports fuller, healthier evolution.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On identity post-diagnosis:

  “I think that that version of me was collapsed and, like, frozen and stuck and solidified in that state. And many of us diagnosed with herpes—that's where we are, but we don't know it.” [31:45]

• On boundaries in helping others:

  “I will help anybody willing to help themselves. And I think I got that from watching One Piece… Luffy doesn’t come to you and be like, 'What's wrong? How can I help?' They have to ask for help, and they have to be willing to fight for themselves.” [01:26:15]

• On the value of authenticity:

  “What herpes taught me about authenticity is… not just be yourself. It's bring that curiosity and then find out the truth of the stories that we tell ourselves… We gotta adjust that.” [02:09:30]

• On practical organizational boundaries:

  “I’m here to help you help you. If you are unwilling to do the things that you know… I can't help you. And that, that feels wrong of me... My chest just… He was like, oh, did you just say that?” [01:50:00]

• On energy and efficiency in relationships & work:

  “The expression of boundaries is important to maintaining authenticity because the ultimate goal is peak evolution, maximum efficiency and minimal waste… That’s how I’m choosing to live.” [02:15:48]

Timestamps & Segment Highlights

• 00:00 – 08:30: Opening reflections on sound quality, intentionality in recording, diagnosis as a “screenshot” moment.
• 08:30 – 19:15: Exploration of duality; atom analogy; positive and negative forces.
• 19:15 – 34:00: Family background, early relationships, chasing sex for validation, naivety about self.
• 34:00 – 45:00: Missing inner signals; nervous system “whispers” and missed warning signs.
• 45:00 – 55:00: Identity solidification post-diagnosis; relationship and people-pleasing cycles.
• 55:00 – 01:10:00: Dissecting authenticity and love; defining self-nurture; group reflections.
• 01:10:00 – 01:26:30: Boundaries in dating, SPFPP support calls; anime metaphor for helping others.
• 01:26:30 – 01:50:00: Energy leaks; organizational evolution; efficient support processes.
• 01:50:00 – 02:09:30: Future of SPFPP; new policies for support, groups, and events; summary of lessons.
• 02:09:30 – End: Closing thoughts, call for feedback and ongoing evolution.

Conclusion & Takeaways

Courtney’s reflection on his journey with herpes is a powerful exploration of authenticity—the need to bring curiosity and honesty to one's own narrative, to set boundaries, and to embrace change for evolution and growth. He connects the personal evolution spurred by diagnosis to organizational changes for SPFPP, insisting on efficient, authentic practices that serve all involved. This episode is particularly rich in self-inquiry tools, grounded analogies, and actionable takeaways for anyone navigating stigma, seeking to reclaim agency, or aiming to operate with deeper integrity.

Feedback & Engagement

Courtney invites listeners to share feedback, ideas for future topics, or their own experiences to continue fostering a supportive and evolving community.