SPFPP 404: How to Communicate an STI Exposure

Host: Courtney W. Brame
Date: April 2, 2026

Episode Overview

In this reflective solo episode, Courtney W. Brame shares personal insights and practical strategies around communicating an STI (specifically, ureaplasma) exposure to partners. Drawing from a recent real-life experience, Courtney explores the internal feelings, reactions, and communication challenges that arise when navigating STI disclosures—emphasizing empathy, presence, and destigmatization. The episode is as much about personal growth and relationship boundaries as it is about sexual health communication.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Upcoming SPFPP Community Events

• Herpes Stigma Expo Recap & Upcoming NYC Event

  • Recapped the success of the March 24 expo.
  • Announced a condensed follow-up in Manhattan (Lower East Side) for August 29, with yoga therapy integration, a focus on rejection, and hands-on role plays about herpes and sexual health communication.
  • [01:30]

• Virtual Mental Health Workshop for Therapists

  • Tentative date: Wednesday, June 17.
  • Courtney encourages mental health professionals to connect for details and subscribe to the SPFPP newsletter for updates.
  • [03:30]

• Atlanta STI Prevention Conference

  • SPFPP presence planned for August 30–September 1.
  • Hopes to organize a local support event or meet-up.
  • [05:00]

2. Personal Experience: Real-Life STI Exposure Communication

• Receiving the Disclosure & Emotional Reactions

  • A partner informed Courtney of a positive test for ureaplasma.
  • Courtney reflects:

    "The initial emotions were like, I gotta tell other people about this, right? And the first thing I wanted to do was make sure she was all right." [08:09]

  • Appreciated the partner’s non-blaming, straightforward language:

    "It wasn’t suggestive. It wasn’t like you gave me or like blaming language, which I really, really appreciated." [09:00]

• Learning About Ureaplasma

  • Courtney does a live read-through about the STI, sharing symptoms, transmission modes, and personal unfamiliarity:

    "I didn’t even know that this was a thing." [12:20]

  • Highlights how often people only learn about certain STIs through direct experience.

• Navigating Internalized Stigma, Comparison to Previous STI Experiences

  • Compares the communication process for ureaplasma with past experiences of herpes and chlamydia:

    "It’s different. It’s very different... similar to, like, with COVID. You wonder: did I give this to someone? Did they give it to me? Who else do I need to tell?" [17:39]

  • Recognizes the impulse toward shame and self-blame, returning to the mindset post-herpes diagnosis:

    "You can blame yourself. And I think that I went back to that place that I was at when I got my herpes diagnosis of, damn, who else did I give this to?" [25:50]

• Communicating with Partners

  • Shared the news with two other partners, both of whom responded neutrally and informatively:

    "One had a very engaged, neutral response and was just like, oh, thanks for telling me. I looked it up...these things happen. And another one was just like, all right, I’ll get tested today." [17:57]

  • Noted the different emotional weight versus herpes disclosure, possibly because ureaplasma is curable and less stigmatized.

• On Embodying Human Vulnerability and Responsibility

  • Courtney reflects on being vulnerable and responsible in real time instead of just teaching theory:

    "It’s so easy to tell people, hey, if this happens, here’s how to handle it versus actually being in the situation and being able to manage it." [11:35]

• Reflections on Healthcare, Information Gaps, and Stigma

  • Humorously discusses a doctor’s discomfort with sexual terms during the visit:

    "The doctor didn’t want to say the word penis... I was like, oh, come on bro. I got the wrong doctor for this." [20:00]

  • Mentions variable and unclear medical guidance around the STI, highlighting information gaps even among providers.

3. Evolving Relationship with Self, Boundaries, and Needs

• Personal Growth & Self-Discovery

  • Courtney discusses his current single status and reevaluates what he wants and needs in relationships:

    "I’m not polyamorous... Don’t tell me what I am...I’m learning the language of what it is I’m looking for." [38:30]

  • Emphasizes the difference between wants (sex, physical attraction) and needs (presence, support, space to be human):

    "I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get my wants met rather than my needs met...Needs first, right?" [40:40] "I need to be able to not have it all figured out. I need to be able to just be human." [55:20]

• On Communication as Intimacy

  • Considers open and honest communication about sexual health as both necessary and deeply intimate:

    "That communication is sexy...to be able to normalize this kind of a conversation is another piece of the puzzle." [50:10]

• Boundary Setting and Energy Management

  • Reflects on learning capacity, setting firmer boundaries, and being less overextended:

    "I don’t want to overextend myself...I recognize my capacity and I'll never need to be at that capacity again." [59:40]
    "Boundaries—like plugs of leaking energy—that exhaust me and keep me from my trajectory." [1:00:10]

4. Future Directions and Personal Integration

• Integrating Insights into SPFPP & Personal Projects
  • Updates on SPFPP role play scenarios and educational resources forthcoming on the website.
  • Upcoming book project applying yoga philosophy to herpes and stigma.
  • Draws inspiration from anime, yoga, and personal experience to support others navigating similar challenges.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Receiving an STI Disclosure with Compassion:

  "Here’s the information I have. I’m giving you this information so that you can do what you would like to do with it." —[Partner, paraphrased by Courtney, 09:00]

• On Shifting from Shame to Acceptance:

  "It’s validating to me that I’m picking good people...She didn’t have to tell me that. And to me, that communication is sexy." —Courtney, [50:35]

• On Human Vulnerability:

  "I need to be able to not know. I need to be able to say I don’t know. That’s a very vulnerable thing." —Courtney, [55:20]

• On Needs vs. Wants in Intimacy:

  "The wants of sex, somebody that looks good, someone that makes me physically feel good...that’s everywhere. But I want what can only be co-created with presence." —Courtney, [56:10]

• On the Universality of STI Shame:

  "It’s real easy to revert to default programming of...this is a shameful thing. This is a stigmatizing thing. I gotta hide." —Courtney, [53:00]

• On Professional Mission:

  "My life goal has been dedicated to neutralizing herpes...I’m given the opportunity to do so. And life is meeting me with the whetstone to mold me." —Courtney, [46:35]

Segment Timestamps

• [01:30] Community event announcements
• [08:09] Receiving a partner’s STI disclosure & first emotional response
• [12:20] Learning about ureaplasma in real time
• [17:39] Comparison to previous STI experiences; COVID parallel
• [20:00] Healthcare communication awkwardness
• [38:30] Relationship self-reflection
• [40:40] Needs vs. wants analysis
• [50:10] Normalizing sexual health communication
• [55:20] Vulnerability and authenticity
• [59:40] Boundary setting and moving forward

Key Takeaways

• Empathy and Clarity Matter: Approaching partners with straightforward, non-blaming language supports open, stigma-free communication about STI exposures.
• Being Human > Being Perfect: Even "the communication guy" struggles with disclosure conversations; showing up fully and vulnerably is more impactful than always having the answers.
• Normalize, Don’t Pathologize: Many STIs are common, sometimes asymptomatic, and best addressed with information and mutual care rather than shame or secrecy.
• Healthy Boundaries and Needs: Self-awareness and clear boundaries in relationships—platonic and romantic—are essential for sustainable advocacy and well-being.

Final Words:
Courtney closes with gratitude for the SPFPP community and encouragement to reach out for support or with questions about disclosures:

"If you have any questions about anything or if you’re curious about the experience of having to tell a partner about a new STI...reach out. That’s what we do. That’s what I’m here for." [1:07:40]

For event updates, resources, or personalized support:
Subscribe to the SPFPP newsletter at spfpp.org