S23 Ep11: The Moment That Everything Changed

Summary

Podcast Summary: Something Was Wrong
Episode: S23 E11 - The Moment That Everything Changed
Release Date: April 24, 2025
Hosted by: Broken Cycle Media | Wondery

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Introduction

In this poignant and emotionally charged episode of Something Was Wrong, survivors Kristin and Caitlin Wages share their harrowing experiences with medical negligence during childbirth. The episode delves deep into the trauma they endured, the subsequent emotional and psychological battles, and their journey toward healing and advocacy.

The Traumatic Birth Experience

[03:29] Kristin: "You don't know anybody until you talk."
Kristin opens up about her sudden realization that her relationship with Caitlin goes beyond friendship as they navigate their shared traumatic experiences.

[03:55] Caitlin Wages:
Caitlin recounts the terrifying moments during her son's birth, describing how NICU personnel were called in because her baby wasn't breathing. She expresses her initial sense of safety with her obstetrician, which quickly deteriorated.

[05:03] Caitlin Wages:
She discusses the critical moment when her OB informed her that she had pushed for two and a half hours, exceeding the recommended limit, leading to severe cervical swelling and the risk of hemorrhage. This was the turning point that intensified her fear and mistrust in the medical care she received.

Medical Negligence and Aftermath

[06:57] Caitlin Wages:
Caitlin details the complications post-discharge, including her inability to take deep breaths and the absence of expected follow-up care from the birth center. Her attempts to secure a home nurse visit were met with resistance, highlighting systemic failures.

[08:06] Tiffany Reese:
The host inquires about Caitlin's efforts to contact a patient advocate, prompting Caitlin to explain how limited her options were due to the birth center's negligence.

Emotional and Psychological Impact

[14:49] Kristin:
Kristin shares the profound emotional toll the experience took on her, including constant anxiety, fear of losing her child, and feelings of isolation. She reflects on the impact this had on her relationships, particularly with her husband, and her struggle with self-worth and identity.

[26:49] Tiffany Reese:
Acknowledging the shared trauma, Tiffany emphasizes the individual suffering experienced by both women, highlighting the often-overlooked emotional scars alongside physical injuries.

Seeking Support and Advocacy

[35:33] Caitlin Wages:
Caitlin expresses her motivations for sharing her story, aiming to bring awareness and justice to other women wronged by the Origins birth center. She discusses the lack of transparency and the financial exploitation she endured, including withheld refunds promised by the facility.

[41:06] Kristin:
Kristin describes her path to healing through counseling and connecting with other survivors. She highlights the importance of community support and the validation that comes from hearing others' similar experiences.

Legislative Efforts and Closure

[41:32] Elizabeth Fewell:
Elizabeth, a commissioner, and Kristin, a founding member of Moms Advocating for the Moms alliance, advocate for Malik's Law HB 4553. This legislation aims to require midwives to report outcomes related to transfer mortality and morbidity rates, addressing the lack of public transparency.

[42:58] Tiffany Reese:
Tiffany underscores the systemic issues within the midwifery care model, emphasizing the need for accountability and improved safety measures to protect mothers and babies.

Moving Forward and Healing

[34:09] Kristin:
Despite her traumatic first birth experience, Kristin shares her second positive birth experience with certified nurse-midwives (CNMs) in a hospital setting. This contrast underscores the importance of trusted and competent medical care in fostering a sense of safety and recovery.

[35:33] Caitlin Wages:
Caitlin reflects on the enduring impact of her trauma, expressing both hope and frustration. She stresses the necessity for survivors to continue advocating for systemic change while seeking personal healing.

Conclusion

Through their candid and heartfelt narratives, Kristin and Caitlin illuminate the profound and lasting effects of medical negligence during childbirth. Their stories serve as a powerful call to action for improved healthcare practices, greater transparency, and stronger support systems for survivors. The episode not only highlights personal resilience but also emphasizes the importance of community and legislative efforts in preventing future tragedies.

Notable Quotes:

• Caitlin Wages [05:03]: "Do you know what could have happened? You could have torn your cervix. And I lost it when she told me that that was the moment that everything changed for the rest of my life."

• Kristin [15:21]: "I think that I could have been level headed. I didn't want to go in and have them gaslight me."

• Caitlin Wages [20:54]: "The trauma that I went through and processing it all, the last thing on my mind was going through my contract and reading that thing about the fact that they're supposed to do an audit."

• Kristin [28:14]: "It cut me deeply. That is another point of guilt, honestly, that I carry with me is that my son didn't deserve that."

• Kristin [35:33]: "It was like, I can't do this again. I can't do this again."

• Caitlin Wages [36:04]: "I want to stop excusing them. It's feeling comfort and the empathy from somebody else."

Reflection

This episode of Something Was Wrong powerfully captures the multifaceted trauma experienced by mothers who have faced medical negligence during childbirth. Through Kristin and Caitlin's stories, listeners gain insight into the physical dangers, emotional turmoil, and systemic failures that can transform a life-altering event into a nightmare. The survivors' journey toward advocacy and healing offers a beacon of hope and underscores the critical need for accountability and compassionate care in the healthcare system.

Transcript

[Tiffany Reese]

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[Kristin]

You don't know anybody until you talk.

[Gina Thompson]

To someone.

[Caitlin Wages]

My baby was born at 10 o'clock that morning. With the history of what was going on, they called in some NICU personnel. They did care for him after he was born. He was not breathing. I was terrified. Then also, it's, like, starting up this new, massive amount of fear of, like, what's ahead of us. My ob, she was the delivery ob, and then she was the one that followed up on me until I was discharged. I thought she was good during delivery. I had no concerns. I actually felt quite comfortable and safe with her there. When I was being discharged from the hospital, my OB came in with my discharge paperwork to go over it. I wanted to know where I was in terms of the spectrum of severity, because I feel pretty torn up. She looked at me and she said, you did push for two and a half hours. That's kind of the max that we'll let people go to. I mean, you're pretty bad. I was like, yeah, kind of rolling my eyes. Plus the six hours I pushed at the birth center. She looked at me and she said, what do you mean you pushed at the birth center? And I said, I thought that was why my cervix was so swollen.

[Kristin]

Obviously, she wasn't given this information by origins. She was shocked. She said, you're not supposed to push until you're fully dilated 10 centimeters. You weren't fully dilated when you got here, so why were you pushing? She said, do you know what could have happened? You could have torn your cervix. And I later found out that if you tear a cervix, you can hemorrhage and bleed out. I lost it when she told me that that was the moment that everything changed for the rest of my life. We went home Tuesday evening. Late. Those days following, I was unable to take deep breaths. I could only take shallow breaths for days. It was terrifying. It was like I was hyperventilating almost. And I brought that up to the ob, and she said, well, I would attribute to the fact that you probably have some swelling in your lungs, your muscles are sore, you fatigued your muscles. She said, I would not be surprised if you injured a lot more in your abdomen than you realize. Not only are my reproductive parts messed up, you expect those parts to be inflamed and swollen, beat up and bruised, but you wouldn't expect your lungs. Maybe that was naive of me, but I had never heard of anybody else that complained of having an elephant on their chest. For several days post Birthday. A few days after the birth happened. I felt like something was seriously wrong with the way that they treated us. So I actually had my husband go on to my portal and take screenshots of the notes. I just need a record of everything that happened. My husband downloaded these notes on the 16th of October, and my baby was born the 10th, six days after. I definitely felt like something was very much wrong. Ashlyn did reach out at one point to say, heard it wasn't great. Would love to chat about it. Hope you and your son are doing well. But I never responded to that text because I was so angry.

[Caitlin Wages]

Part of our contract was that two days after giving birth, we would have a visit from a home nurse that would come and check on mom and baby. I reached out and I said, hey, when do I expect the home nurse visit? And they said, oh, well, you have to come in to the birth center for your visit because you're out of bounds. Our nurse won't travel to you. I said, no, that's false. I confirmed the fact that I was inbounds when I toured your facility when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I've paid that money because it's like a $200 nurse visit that's allegedly covered by insurance. But then, of course, we found out that it's not. It was just one thing after the other. I very firmly let them know that I was extremely unhappy and that I thought it was an injustice that they were doing this. I am not physically getting into my car after I'm torn up after this whole ordeal, like it's not happening. And eventually back and forth, they sent her out. So I did get care from the home nurse. I think that she was even concerned about the care that I received. And she encouraged me to reach out to the patient advocate and let them know basically how disgruntled I was.

[Tiffany Reese]

So did you contact the patient advocate?

[Caitlin Wages]

The home nurse contacted them and let them know. The patient advocate reached out to me, and she said, hey, we heard you didn't have a great experience. We'd like you to come in and basically hash it out with the midwives and get some closure. I told her that I'd love to.

[Kristin]

We had a date scheduled to come into Origins in a couple weeks.

[Caitlin Wages]

So I would have a little bit.

[Kristin]

Of time to heal, a little bit of time to come down from the emotion. During that time, however, I started having complications. About day 10, I suddenly lost the ability to pee.

[Caitlin Wages]

I had been urinating okay up to that point, and slowly but surely, I started noticing that my Stream was becoming weaker and weaker. Even though my bladder was like super duper full and painfully full. I would sit on the toilet and try to get something out for minutes. I started freaking out, which of course is not great either, because then you tense up and you really can't pee at that point. But I was constantly in the bathroom. I thought, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to start cathing myself. This is going to back up and become a kidney infection. Like all these things are going through my head. My mom, who is a nurse, she was there at the time that this was happening. But I went to her and I can't pee. Mom, what's going on? And she said, maybe you have a uti. You're so swollen, it could be that you have a lot going on down there right now, but go get checked out. So I went to a local minute clinic. She's like, yeah, it kind of looks cloudy, so my guess is you have a uti. But it was a Friday, so she was going to send the culture in, but it wouldn't come back until Monday. So she sent me with an antibiotic that I started taking that day. Who knows if it was the right antibiotic or not? But we started it. But I called my ob. I wanted to keep her updated. She said, what do you mean you started an antibiotic today? You should have been on antibiotics since I discharged you. Why were you not taking your antibiotics? I was like, you didn't prescribe me antibiotics. I haven't been taking them because I was never prescribed them. I pulled out my discharge paperwork that she gave me and we went over that. She marked on with her pen and I said, there's an iron supplement on here and an ibuprofen recommendation. She claimed I was supposed to be on an antibiotic because I had an infection at birth. That's what she said to me. That was not in my paperwork anywhere, so don't really know if she thought I was a different patient. But the antibiotic helped. I was able to start peeing again a few days later. Thank God, I went in for my two week visit with her then. Already a little bit on edge because she acted like I was lying, that there was no antibiotic mentioned in my paperwork. But I went in by myself because my husband was working. And I got on the bed in the office. My OB comes in her happy self and takes a look down there. You can't make this stuff up. And I have to laugh at it now, otherwise I just get angry. But she looked down and Pops up and she's like, well, there's been a separation of church and state down here. That's what she said to me. And those words stick out in my mind because it was just so nonchalant and to me, insensitive. Because I'm in pain, I'm scared, I'm hurting. I don't know who's got my back and who doesn't because it seems like all these care providers are somehow just like, skipping over important things. So when she said that, I thought, are you kidding me? That's what you're going to say to me after all this? I had a second degree tear, a delivery that she stitched. She's like, well, it looks like your stitches failed. Your tears open. That doesn't sound great. What are the implications of this thing? And so she told me that I would need to be put under to have it repaired. And the anesthesia meant that I would need to pump and dump and that it would prolong my recovery time, which also didn't sound great. But then being put under didn't sound wonderful. I'd had it. I don't want to see another hospital or doctor. I don't want to at this point. I don't trust anybody. Why would I want to go under and have you operate on me when it seems like you've already failed me? Everything would be fine. We're just going to fix it. I went home and I remember walking in my door and my husband and my mom were there, and I didn't even say a word. I just collapsed into my husband's arms and started bawling my eyes out. The thing that was so frustrating to me is that that visit was on a Friday because she claimed that she was going to get me on the schedule probably Friday at the earliest. So it was going to be another week or so. It might be a little bit longer, but I got to see if I can find us an operation room. I said that to my husband and my mom, and my mom was like, she needs to find you a time like tomorrow. And my husband called back and very kindly but firmly told them that they needed to find a room asap. So they called back and got a room the next day. But in that time, I didn't trust them. So I went and got a second opinion from an OB in the office that I had started with at the very start of my pregnancy journey. It was a different ob. They had hired a new OB in the time that I was away. I went to this new ob, told her my story. She took a look and what she told me was that, yes, very swollen, you're healing. You do have a second degree tear. But what she didn't tell you was that you have granulation tissue forming already. And I didn't know what that meant. But I guess what granulation tissue is a sign of is that the open part of the tear is already healing. If my OB had put me under, the success rate of restitching, it would only have been 50, 50 because of the granulation tissue, I guess granulation tissue doesn't adhere well, there's a chance it could, but there's also the high chance that it might not. So she's like, the potential that you go under and encounter another surgery and it failing is pretty high. She said either that or her plan was to scrape off the granulation tissue, stitch you back up, and then that would probably be a more high success rate. But the thing is, then you're prolonging your healing even that much further, or your other option is just to let it go. I'd have an unrepaired tear, but I could function. Basically, I'd be okay. And if in the future I decided that I wanted to go under and have it repaired, I could. She was the only one that extended compassion in that moment and said, you know what? I think you've been through enough already. I don't think it's a bad idea just to let it go. Reassess months from now, years from now, potentially. She's like, it's not going to inhibit you from all the things that probably people think of. You just will have an unrepaired tear. And that's just the way it is. And I trusted her. To this day, it's unrepaired and it did not pose issues with my second baby. I do have scar tissue there that I had to go through pelvic therapy PT for I would have gone through anyways. But that scar tissue did pose some problems in the fact that it's a little more tender.

[Kristin]

We had a date scheduled to come into Origins. The day that I was supposed to go in and meet with Origins. I went to go get the second opinion. My head was spinning. I was like, time is of the essence. And so I canceled the meeting with Origins and said that I've had some complications come up. I'm not going to be able to meet with you guys today, but that I'd like to find another time. She said, no problem. We're here for you when you need us. Reach back out when it's time and we'll put something on the books.

[Tiffany Reese]

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[Kristin]

I reached back up November 2nd and said I was interested and I've never gotten a response to this day. Which was probably a good thing honestly because knowing what I know now and having learned stuff, maybe it was for the best. I think that I could have been level headed. I didn't want to go in and have them gaslight me. To be quite frank, I felt like it was definitely a meeting for them to tell me all the ways that my labor went wrong cover their behinds. I have this strong hunch that that's what the meeting would have been.

[Caitlin Wages]

I have moved on since then and had another baby. But that nightmare of an experience still hangs on in my mind. I feel like I did not have full knowledge of what I was putting myself into and the danger that I was getting into. But really, I shouldn't have been in that danger because I was told something that wasn't actually true. I was putting my faith in people who obviously didn't have my best interests at heart, even though they claimed to. Was it more malicious negligence? Was it that we're money hungry and we have to do these things not to pass the patient over so that we don't get the full reimbursement? Like, I have no idea. I don't know. I can't propose to understand all of the implications. The story is so convoluted. The ways that they tried to pull the wool over people's heads. It makes me think that it was just literally a scam to get money. That's all. It feels like at the end of the day, maybe they started with good intentions. They had women's best interests at heart, but power and money corrupt. And I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt in a way and say they were just lazy and didn't know what they were doing. But I don't understand why they're not forthcoming with providing us the refunds that were due and the apologies probably that were due. Our insurance was frauded. Technically, they got paid double because I paid them and then my insurance paid them, but they never refunded me. The money that I paid that was covered by insurance, if that makes sense because they charged us ahead of time. They said they would refund us once insurance kicked in. And my insurance kicked in and paid, but I never got the money back. I still have not gotten the refund that we're owed. I know there's a lot of women that paid a lot of money that are due a refund just as I was. Why are they withholding that stuff if they're not just out to make money off of us and move on? It literally says in our contract that they'll perform an audit and refund us the money that we're due, if we're due any money. The trauma that I went through and processing it all, the last thing on my mind was going through my contract and reading that thing about the fact that they're supposed to do an audit. So I didn't even start thinking about that until someone brought it up and I was like, oh, no one ever audited my chart. No one ever audited my finances. And once I went through and pulled all of my insurance statements, I found a lot of money that I'm owed. I was in contact with them several months ago. The financial person, she was actually at the point of being willing to send me a refund check, which was still not the full refund that I was due, but it was a portion. And I was like, I'll take that.

[Kristin]

Portion, you know, and at least fight.

[Caitlin Wages]

For the rest later. I already knew that they were being a little hesitant about giving people their refunds. I also found an additional receipt that I hadn't tacked on to the refund amount that they actually owed me. And so then I emailed back and I said, here's the receipt for some more that I paid that I'm owed back per your contract. I never received correspondence from her from then on. That was my first experience with birth. The beauty of birth. It was stolen from me.

[Kristin]

If the worst had happened, if I had torn, if I had hemorrhaged, would I have died at the birth center? It didn't happen, thank God. But my mind goes there sometimes. I was putting my life in their hands. I was just drowning in anxiety, fear, feeling violated, and then feeling angry. I myself was a medical professional. I mean, I worked in the nicu. Why did I miss the red flags? Was I being oblivious? Was I being too proud and thinking like, well, I'm gonna be just fine? Those emotions really ate at me. Some of it was the embarrassment that I had chosen to go there and that I had failed. It was like my body failed me. I failed me. Those first few months are a blur to me.

[Caitlin Wages]

I think I blacked out a lot.

[Kristin]

Of those memories, honestly, because it was just such a dichotomy between the anger and the trauma. At the same time, having this cute, beautiful, amazing little thing that's like, all mine that my body made it was too much for my brain to handle. And it makes me so sad now, looking back at pictures of him when he was little and being like, oh, I forgot that that happened. People talk about the glow you have as a first time mom. I didn't have that. I was just out of my brains, and I'll never get that time back. I felt like that was stolen from me. They stole a lot of time from me, and they stole a lot of memories from me, and they stole this piece of me that I never consented to them taking. It's like no one understood what we had gone through. Those months following were the hardest months of my life. I went several months feeling isolated, abandoned, forgotten. All of these negative thoughts that just swarm in your mind. I know that we're on edge all the time as first time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close. Any little thing that happened to him, any little, like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy. I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet. Except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months, nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time. It was the constant fear of mastitis. But any little thing that happened to him, my brain immediately went to, oh my gosh, he's gonna die. That's so fatiguing for your brain to just never have a moment of rest. It's constant fight or flight and never knowing who to go to. And I was afraid that people would think that I was freaking out. I have to get past that. I can't hold onto that and I'm trying. It's sitting in that grief and I don't know how long that will take. I couldn't really talk to somebody. I couldn't really relate. And I was no longer able to go out and be in community with people. I withdrew from society. It didn't feel safe for me to leave my house. I'd go out to go run errands as needed, but I didn't want to interact with people. I was in my own bubble. I was hurting so badly. I guess I didn't trust anybody and I didn't want to open up and just lay my heart out to somebody who wouldn't understand. It's almost like it would just reheart it. I suddenly found myself in my house with a guy that I had married a year before and had dated not that much longer before that. So he was kind of new to me too. We're learning this marriage thing and we're learning ourselves. I was a fish out of water. I realized I've never been so lonely in my life. It felt like there was nobody there. I felt like if I went back to my co workers at the hospital and told them what happened. I feel like I would have had guilt from that, too, because they would have sat there and wagged their finger and said, well, we told you, you should have known better. No one ever did that. But I've heard the comments made behind mom's backs when I had worked there. And so I anticipated that that's probably what would have been said. So I didn't feel like I could go to anybody. It affected my relationship with my kid, obviously. It affected my relationship with me. I learned kind of to not like myself. It affected my relationship with my husband. He wanted to support me because he knew that was my dream, to have the baby there and that I had given so much of myself. He didn't want to disappoint me. He thought that he would have dashed my dreams. He is upset with himself that he didn't advocate for me. He said he's never been so afraid in his life. His face is burned in my mind, the fear in his eyes. He was so helpless, and no one's guiding him. No one's telling him what's going on. He has no idea. I had no idea. But I know that he carries a lot of hurt and a lot of shame and guilt. I mean, none of it's deserved. My husband was also a victim. And I know that I was the one that everyone was scared about, and my baby was the one that everyone was scared about in that moment.

[Tiffany Reese]

Each of you suffered your own kind of trauma.

[Kristin]

Yeah. And I think that sometimes his is overlooked. He's had to deal with my emotional outbursts or all of the mess and the muck that has come of this because he, such a good man that he is, feels like I need to have my wounds healed first and my pain and my trauma needs to be addressed first because it's been so debilitating. And he's put himself to the side, but he still carries it. And yet no one's really asked him. It wasn't Until May of 2023, seven months later, I finally had a point where I was like, I'm living in desolation. I'm living in this black cloud that just surrounds my days. I wake up in fear. I go to bed in tears. I literally don't recognize myself anymore. I realized something had to be done. And that's when I reached out to a counselor. I also told myself I have to put myself out there. I started going to moms groups through various churches. But then I met this new emotion when I would put myself out there. Resentment of other moms because I was so heated to realize what I missed out on. Birth is so lovely and it's beautiful and like your body was made to do this. I had so much resentment when I heard people talk about their good birth stories.

[Caitlin Wages]

I was happy for them.

[Kristin]

Obviously, in one sense, I would wish nothing like what I had on anybody. But then there was also this side of me that was so resentful. I didn't want to hear those stories. I didn't want to hear someone else rave about, especially a birth center birth or even a home birth, that those things worked out for somebody else, but not for me. I started counseling and was able to start talking about it. I literally haven't to this point for months. Thought I was the only one that had gone through this at Origins. I was scrolling social media one day at this time I had already moved out of Texas and saw a news report out of Texas that some women were gathering and they were going to be demonstrating outside of an Origins location. I clicked on the article and read it and sure enough, it was Origins Dallas. And I thought, oh my gosh, I'm not the only one in the article. It was Amanda who had been interviewed by the reporter. I was nervous reaching out to her. Honestly, I didn't want to dredge up old memories, but I'm so glad I did. I reached out to Amanda online and I think it was via the Origins page, because at the time Origins was still running. And I just simply said, hey, I saw this review. It sounds like you had a bad experience. I did too, but I didn't realize that other people were having bad experiences there. She said, oh, yep, there's been lots of bad things and we're starting to submit reports and we're going to get women together and we're going to let people know that there's something bad going on here. That's when I got added to the survivors page. Within a span of that month of talking to her, I realized how much had gone wrong. I realized that someone had died under their care. I realized how many women had been transferring. I realized how much they had flubbed their transfer numbers. That's when I started getting involved with these women and started submitting reports to TDLR and to the Attorney General's office. When I got added to the group, the survivors group, I've only really heard bits and pieces of people's stories. Kristin's was the first story that I heard in detail. It's shocking to me. All of the stuff that she went through was months prior to me, the time that her baby was born would have been right around the time that I actually started with Origins. That kind of hits me in a different way, because it's like, had I known, oh, I would have run for the hills. And when she was reflecting on the fact that they tried to sell you their chiropractic packages and their Botox and their masseuse packages and the IV therapy, I had actually forgotten about all that stuff. But when she said that, I looked at my husband and I was like, yep, I remember all that stuff now. Hearing Kristen's story, I'm just amazed at how strong she was. My mom, I sent her this podcast and she listened to the first couple episodes. She called me and she said, I listened to the first two episodes with Kristen's story. I think I understand why it's been so hard for you. She said, I think I get what you're feeling. I knew it was hard. I knew it was scary. I knew it was bad what happened. But she said, I think I understand now why it's been so hard. And it's because you've had to be so strong through this. No one understands how strong you've had to be even to get to this point and basically have powered through this. And to hear her say that she thought I was strong, because I feel like half of me thinks I've been strong, and then the other half of me thinks I'm just being a wimp. And so to hear her say that she thought I'd been strong was just really meaningful. I think it validated that piece of me that wants to give myself grace and yet hasn't been able to. I've realized that hearing the people that went through it, that had the same midwives that were in that same building, that saw the same ob. Their words that they speak when they reiterate their story and share it, it's what I feel. We really were treated extremely poorly, and I need to stop excusing them. It's feeling comfort and the empathy from somebody else. I hate that they had to go through it, but it's like someone else went through it too, and they're surviving, and I'm going to also. It's not a misery loves company thing. It's just knowing that someone else can empathize. I'm not lonely anymore.

[Gina Thompson]

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[Kristin]

I am in no way anti midwifery. I still love the midwifery model and in fact, with my second baby, I went with midwives. They were all CNMs. They all delivered in a hospital setting. I don't regret that at all. They were amazing, lovely people who knew their stuff. They absolutely came through for me. They did a great job with my second, but the trauma still came back. I really wanted to try to have a redemptive birth experience to prove to myself that my body could do it. There's also this reality that we have to confront, which is that we don't know how your body is going to react in any situation, really. The sad thing is, as much as I thought I had worked through that trauma, as the time got closer to having my second, I started having irrational thoughts like, I don't think I'm going to make it out the other side of this. I think I'm going to go into that hospital and be in labor and I'm going to die. And then once we were there at the hospital in labor, I wanted so desperately to try to do it all by myself. The contractions got so bad and I knew it was nearing that time and I thought, I can't do this again. I ultimately opted for an epidural again and it was the greatest thing. It was amazing to come out of the hospital the second time and say, that's how birth is supposed to go. That's how you're supposed to be treated by the people that are caring for you.

[Caitlin Wages]

I wanted to share my story just to bring awareness, but also to try to bring justice to all the women that were wronged by Origins and the people that worked there. Such a vulnerable time, obviously birth, and we put our full trust in the providers and in the system. And the reason I wanted to talk about this was hopefully to bring some closure, but to encourage people to keep an open mind and to recognize the risks and the benefits of any decision.

[Kristin]

If I was telling somebody, weighing their options, particularly in Texas, go into it with a clear knowledge of what the credentials mean. Also understand and have the humility to realize that you can have a plan in mind and it can go completely wrong. And if they do go awry, you need to make sure that you trust the people that you're with and that you've vetted them. I have all the admiration and support for anyone who wants to go the birth center route or even a home birth to my younger self. I would have said, weigh all the options. There's so many things you learn the first time you go through any experience. Why would you not want to be in a place where all of the modalities to keep you safe, the knowledge to keep you safe, all of that stuff is there if you need it. I don't want to find myself or my friends in a position again where we have no recourse, really. At the end of the day, you have to be confident in your choices and you have to do what you think is best for you. But recognize that there are implications, and I'm living proof, all the survivors are living proof that there are a lot bigger implications than just physical harm. There's psychological harm that's going to reverberate for a long time. One thing that Kristin said that stuck with me so deeply was that she talked about generational trauma. It cut me deeply. That is another point of guilt, honestly, that I carry with me is that my son didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve a mom that wasn't emotionally available, that was in tears all the time, that couldn't handle his screams, that couldn't love on him the way that he needed to be loved on. That pains me so much that that was again taken from me. That was something that was stolen. I couldn't even look at my notes. The anxiety that I felt having to look at my notes was excruciating. It was overwhelming. It's a piece of paper with words on it. Why does this matter to me so much? But I think I was afraid of reading the numbers, the words and finding something else hidden in those words that was wrong that I hadn't caught before. Sharing the story was the same way. It was like, I don't want to relive those memories. I don't want to think about it. I just want to put it in a box and walk away and just forget about it. But I couldn't. And part of me worries that when I share my story too much, it sounds like I'm complaining or whining. I'm a broken record. There's this big, yucky pit in my heart that's just, like, brimming with the emotion. I don't know how else to say. I'm searching for this salve from my heart, this big, gaping wound in my heart. Sharing my story, it helps a little bit.

[Tiffany Reese]

I really admire so much your vulnerability and your bravery and your willingness to dig so deep and share so much, because you are going to provide an enormous amount of validation for others who have been through similar experiences. And I hope that you found some for yourself. Coming up this season on Something was Wrong.

[Barbie]

We have a video of the birth. Well, of part of it. And you can see when G gets panicked and she says, you have to get this baby out now. You need to stand up. So I stand up in the tub. I put one leg up on the side. His head's kind of crowning. And then she said something along the lines of like, I'm gonna have to help you. And she's got a scalpel in her hand. Part of me wishes she would have just given me the episiotomy and helped me get him out. Whatever would have stopped this situation from happening.

[Jennifer Crawford]

We beeline it down to Baylor University Medical center in Dallas. I don't understand the gravity of the situation at the time. I walk into L and D, and there is a nurse pacing back and forth in the hall. I walk up to the desk and I say, hi, you know, I'm Barbie. I'm here, checking in. And I look on her desk, and it has my name written, big letters. Barbie, Dash. Severe preeclampsia. And I'm like, why does she have that written? No one has brought up preeclampsia to me at this point. The nurse that was pacing, she comes over to me. She's like, come with me. I'm thinking in my mind, they must be a low census or something, because she was just hanging out, waiting for me, not realizing that I was in grave danger at the time.

[Tiffany Reese]

In sharing my story with people, I've had so many people, especially women tell me about their own birth trauma.

[Kristin]

I've even had men tell me about.

[Tiffany Reese]

Their partner's birth trauma.

[Marquita]

When I had that conversation with Caitlin one week postpartum, I told her that I was going to be the voice for the moms that didn't feel like they could stand up for themselves. When me and Kristin and Marquita started talking about all of this, we just wanted to save one mom and one baby. And I think we've done that. I think we've saved tons of moms and tons of babies already.

[Kristin]

Malik's Law HB 4553, it was introduced into house in March, is basically requiring for midwives to report outcomes related to transfer mortality morbidity rates because the reporting that they do is within like a closed system. So it's not open to the public. The everyday consumer cannot view these statistics.

[Elizabeth Fewell]

Commissioners My name is Kristin and I am a founding member of Moms Advocating for the Moms alliance in a past client of licensed midwives in the state of Texas. I'm here today because Texas mothers and babies are suffering not because of chance, but because of a system that fails to protect them. TDLR claims to safeguard Texans, but I am alive today despite their lack of due diligence, not because of it.

[Jennifer Crawford]

While I was at that birth center in Miami, Florida called the International 20th School of Midwifery, we made placenta pills for everybody who wanted them. It was extremely popular. There was actually a bust. A government agency showed up and took all the placenta pill making stuff.

[Unknown Speaker]

As physicians, we get criticized all the time for dismissing patients. It also happens in muefre model of care, as it happened with the survivors of the season. Red flags develop not in every pregnancy, but in a lot of them. I feel like the stories that I heard on this season was that they were being forced into that box where they were low risk. And even though red flags kept popping up, they weren't willing to acknowledge that they're starting to move out of that low risk box.

[Tiffany Reese]

Something was Wrong is a broken cycle Media production created and produced by executive producer Tiffany Reese Associate producers Amy B. Chesler and Lily Rowe with audio editing and music design by Becca High. Thank you to our extended team, Lauren Barkman, our social media marketing manager and Sarah Stewart, our graphic artist. Thank you to Marissa Travis and our team at WME Wondry, Jason and Jennifer, our cybersecurity team, Darkbox Security and my lawyer Alan. Thank you endlessly to every Survivor who has ever trusted us with their stories. And thank you each and every listener for making our show possible with your support and listenership. Special Shout out to Emily Wolf for covering Glad Rag's original song you thank you for us this season season. For more music by Emily Wolf, check out the Episode Notes or your favorite music streaming app. Speaking of Episode Notes, there every week you'll find episode specific content, warnings, sources and resources. Until next time, stay safe friends. If you like something was wrong, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[Mr. Ballin]

You know those creepy stories that give you goosebumps? The ones that make you really question what's real? Well, what if I told you that some of the strangest, darkest and most mysterious stories are not found in haunted houses or abandoned forests, but instead in hospital rooms and doctor's offices? Hi, I'm Mr. Ballin, the host of Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries and each week on my podcast you can expect to hear stories about bizarre illnesses no one can explain, miraculous recoveries that shouldn't have happened, and cases so baffling they stumped even the best doctors. So if you crave totally true and thoroughly twisted horror stories and mysteries, Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries should should be your new go to weekly show. Listen to Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.