Loading summary
Transcript24 lines
- [00:02]
Terry
Member week is here at Lowes. That means it's time for Mylo's Rewards members to save big with up to 40% off hundreds of items like appliances, tools, home essentials and more. Plus get free Standard Shipping Shop these exclusive member only savings now through October 15th. Not a rewards member. Join for free today. Free Standard Shipping not available in Alaskan Hawaii. Exclusions and more terms apply. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details@lowes.com Terms subject to change.
- [00:31]
Tiffany Reiss
Something Was Wrong is intended for mature audiences and discusses upsetting topics. Season 24 survivors discuss violence that they endured as children, which may be triggering for some listeners. As always, please consume with care. For a full content warning, sources and resources for each episode, please visit the Episode Notes. Opinions shared by the guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Broken Cycle Media. All persons are considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Responses to allegations from individual institutions are included within the season. Something Was Wrong and any linked material should not be misconstrued as a substitution for legal or medical advice. I'm Tiffany Reiss and this is Something Was Wrong.
- [01:44]
Terry
Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Terry. I'm here because I sent my son to a troubled teen facility back in 2003. I thought he would be safe. They promised me a lot of good things and I was desperate to help him, so I sent him to a school called the Academy at Ivy Ridge. Or at least I thought it was a school. Hindsight tells me that it wasn't a school. There are hundreds, if not thousands of survivors and a lot of schools just like it. And the reason I'm doing this is because we due to my son attending that program, he took his own life. I am here to tell the truth so that no other parent has to go through this. I don't ever want anybody to have their child taken from them. So tragically. It's terrible when you think you're doing something to help your child and it doesn't have a happy ending. Anthony was a great kid, a lot of fun. In middle school he joined the football team. He was a husky kid between 8th grade and 9th grade. All summer he worked out, dieted, and ate very healthy. And when he went back to school, he was like 45 pounds lighter. The football coach took one look at him and said, what am I supposed to do with you now? I think that really damaged him. His ego was hurt. In his first year of high school, he started doing steroids. Now I didn't know at the time, but I had seen an after school special or two. His behavior became erratic, and he was not his usual happy self. I didn't really understand what was going on at the time, But I did say to my husband, if I didn't know better, I would tell you he was doing steroids because it seems like he gets rage. We had always been close and had a very loving relationship. He really treated me well. And all of a sudden, he wasn't himself at all. I have two sons, and I always have respected their privacy, but I was beside myself because it was such a drastic change in behavior. So one day he left for school, and I tore his closet apart, and I found syringes. I almost had a heart attack. My first thought was heroin. I kept digging in his closet, and I actually found a little glass vial with a metal top, and it said right on it, anabolic steroids, which freaked me out beyond what I could even explain to you. He's a growing male. They're going to mess him up. I confronted him, and that's honestly where the relationship started to go south. It was 11th grade, so it was 02 into 03. I was very concerned, and I took him to, like, an outpatient place where we could work on things and he could express himself. He would go in and talk one on one. Then we would both go in and talk together. I thought he was making progress. In the meantime, as the months went by, he had started to drink a little with his friends, smoke some weed. Then it was clear to me that he was onto something else. And I was so worried about heroin the whole time. To my knowledge, he never actually did heroin, but he did something called Roxy's. He was doing painkillers. We had started counseling, and I felt like he wasn't doing them anymore. And then less than a week before junior prom, he was in the car with someone as a passenger. She didn't have a license. She was 15, and she was trying to show him how good she was doing driving with her mother's car, which she took without permission. And she drove my son into a house. He messed up his shoulder so bad, he had to have surgery and pins and everything. I told them at the hospital he cannot have painkillers, but they disregarded me. They gave him a morphine drip, and then they gave him painkillers. So that didn't help. By the time the end of school year came and he was facing the senior year, I was terrified. He would go out, he would be with his friends, he would break curfew I would actually go out and look for him because I was beside myself. I was so afraid something would happen to him. I usually didn't find him. I knew we had to do something, the outpatient thing. We went twice a week. I begged him to go inpatient. I had a facility out in the Hamptons. They have an opening, and he wouldn't go. Then maybe two weeks later, he said, you know what? I really need help. I want to go. And they wouldn't have a bed. Everything went back and forth. I really feel like I did everything that I humanly could do to try to help him. I figured, we can handle this as a family, but it was bigger than us, and we couldn't handle it. I was at his guidance counseling, and there was an extra guidance counselor sitting in. She was a grad student who was learning and going to become a guidance counselor herself. I expressed the fact that I've exhausted every possibility that I could do. And I explained to them, he's 17. I'm responsible for him. Yet I can't forcibly put him in rehab because they won't take him if he doesn't want help. So it left me in a very vulnerable position. She told me about wasps. She said it was a little new or different or controversial, but they had had a lot of success. But I'd have to research it on my own. I felt like, well, wow, this is pretty good information. Let me look into it. So I looked up wasp. They had a whole host of schools. We live on Long Island. So I decided on Academy at Ivy Ridge because it was still in New York, even though it was, like five miles from Canada. It just made me feel better because some of the schools were out of the country or on the other coast or the other thing was the money. My husband was a UPS driver, and I was working in insurance. We're kind of blue collar, and the price tag was $3,490 a month, which was probably double my mortgage at the time. We went on a virtual tour of the school. We spoke to Teen Help to try to get some counseling. What we didn't know at the time was that Teen Help was affiliated with wasp. They addressed all my concerns and said, this is the perfect solution. However, the price tag, I'm like, I have to see what I can do. I walked around pretty messed up about all this for a while because I just wanted my son to have a great life. After that, it was out of control enough that I made the phone call to have him go to Ivy Ridge. My Husband and I went to the bank and we took a second mortgage on the house. We put it in an account to try to take care of his needs and counseling. We paid for extra, everything that would help him. The facility itself was locked down, but they portrayed the school as on these beautiful grounds, very outdoorsy, lots of trees. They said they had a football team. They did hiking, swimming. They had events. They wore a uniform. I thought it was like a military boarding school. But I thought they would treat him well. They would teach him to be respectful and not do the drugs and thought he would get better. I felt like because it's so pricey, only certain people could really afford it, so it must be good. And I was gung ho all in. However, I explained to Teenager Help there was no way in hell my son was going to get in the car and drive eight hours to Ogdensburg, New York, wasn't going to happen. He worked out every day and he had a really good physique. And I was no match for him. Neither was my husband. They told us about teen escort. Teen escort will come get your child. They don't know that they're coming. We had them scheduled to come. They would be at our home like 2 or 3 in the morning. Of course he was sleeping. So when he woke up, he had two huge guys standing there telling him he was leaving the house and they were taking him. That's a hard memory for me because he was begging me not to send him, but I sent him. I just get the picture of those two men standing there and him begging for mercy and me letting them take him. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
- [10:50]
Tiffany Reiss
Do you feel now that you were deeply deceived?
- [10:53]
Terry
Oh, absolutely. Anything in my mind I could think of that was bad that would happen was probably a one on a scale to one to ten. And what actually happened was ten plus. My first conversation with the dorm mom, she said that after he got processed, he was sitting in the chair with his arms folded, and he said, I'm not staying here. My mom will be back. She's not going to let me stay here. Which stabs me right in the heart every time I think about it. I didn't come get him. I let him stay.
- [11:31]
Tiffany Reiss
How often were you updated about Anthony's progress while he was in the program and were you allowed to communicate?
- [11:42]
Terry
Once a week. He had to write a letter home, and we wrote him once or twice a week. It was a very hard time because we had been very close, and all of a sudden he was just out of my reach. I didn't have any communication with him. The family rep would speak to me maybe once a week. It definitely wasn't every day. She would update me on his progress, tell me if he needed anything. I would get him whatever he needed. T shirts or toiletries. I know that I bothered them a lot. To get him certain things. I had to get special permission for him to use an electric razor. He got there 8-12-03 and my first conversation with him where he was allowed to speak to me on the phone was December 19, 2003. He had to earn the right to speak to me. He had to reach a certain level and he was working hard to do it.
- [12:48]
Tiffany Reiss
I'd like to thank Acorns early for sponsoring today's episode. If you want to teach your kids about money, you don't have to go at it alone. Acorns early helps kids learn the smart way to earn, save and spend I love their In App Chore Tracker, which helps teach kids about earning and saving money. You can let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early and kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, I love that Acorns early offers spending limits and real time spend notifications so caregivers always stay looped in ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend. Get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com SWW or download the Acorns early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.comSWW Acorns early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank Member FDIC pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fees starting from $5 per month unless canceled terms apply@acorns.com earlyterms. Thank you so much.
- [14:13]
Terry
We had these seminars. The kids had them at the programs. We had them as parents. It involved going to New Jersey, going out to California, to San Diego, and they were pretty heavy duty. When I look back, it definitely was cult like the first one. The guy in charge of it that was speaking to us scared the bejesus out of me. Dwayne. He was this really tall guy, pretty rough looking. You were afraid after a break to be like one minute late because he would embarrass you. At the time I felt they were all for this really, really tough love and I'm like, well, I guess I was doing it Wrong, because I'm a SAP. By the time we got to the third seminar in San Diego, we did part one. And when we left, my husband told me, I will not be doing a part two. You need to cancel it. Because they had a group of guys dress up as the Village People. He was mortified. He was so stepping out of his box that he doesn't want to step out of the. I was afraid to send them that email that we wouldn't be going because I knew they were going to come at me verbally. I said to them, I'll spare you any excuses. We're not going. I didn't give them a reason. And it was within weeks of Anthony coming home.
- [15:39]
Tiffany Reiss
How long did he ultimately end up spending at Ivy Ridge?
- [15:43]
Terry
7 and a half months. Originally, we wanted him to finish the program, which probably would have taken I don't know how long. We told him when he went he could come home on his 18th birthday in March if he had his diploma. I wanted him to finish his senior year and go on to college. That's the dream and hope I have for him, and that's what he always wanted. So he graduated high school at Academy at Ivy Ridge, but he did not graduate the program because he was at level four, and I think he had to be at level six. I'm not sure. He finished for his diploma in January at Academy at Ivy Ridge, but I had Academy at Ivy Ridge working with our school district to make sure he completed a curriculum to get a high school diploma from his high school and he was able to walk with his class for graduation. So he did get two diplomas. One was real and one was fake. And I guess you could figure out which one was fake.
- [16:51]
Tiffany Reiss
Did you guys talk a lot about Ivy Ridge in the years that followed?
- [16:56]
Terry
If he did bring it up, he would seem resentful, not mad at me, but he seemed not happy. And what I couldn't understand is he didn't bring it up a lot. But even when good things were happening in his life, he would maybe mention it. He would say, like, well, we weren't allowed to talk. And I would think, well, maybe you were sitting in school and you weren't allowed to talk, or they were strict. But I didn't think you were allowed to talk ever at all, that you would get a consequence for talking. I couldn't even fathom that. I still thought that maybe he was a little privileged for having gone, because not everybody could do that. And my answer to him was, anthony, why are you looking behind your life? Is in front of you. That's done with now. You don't have to even think about that anymore. Just full speed ahead. He lived in Las Vegas with his brother, and he went to UNLV and got his bachelor's degree. It took him quite a while to decide to go back and finish. One of my best memories is when he graduated UNLV in December. My husband couldn't go because of his job, and I wasn't gonna miss it for all the money in the world. So I flew out there, and we had such a good time. He wasn't gonna walk. And I said, oh, Aunt, you did all this work. I was so proud of him, walking across that stage in his cap and gown. After graduation, we went down on this strip, and we had a beautiful dinner, and we gambled together. Another great memory I have of him was during that time, I stayed extra. Cause I'm gonna fly you all the way there. I'm gonna stay. He let me take his car. One of the last days I was there, I got up and took him to work. I went to, like, the dollar store, and I bought decorations and stuff for Christmas, and I went back and I strung lights and I made a little village. I decorated his whole apartment for Christmas because that's how I am at home. I like to decorate for every holiday. When he came in, he was like. The look on his face, I'll never forget it. My son had been away from home for seven years. When he came home, he was living with us for, like, two years, and he was saving money because he wanted to, like, get his own place. In May of 2021, my husband and him had a fight. And my husband told him, you're 35. You should have your own place. So he got his own place. And he lived, like, 40 minutes from us on Long Island. He was struggling here and there. The pandemic had come around. So his thoughts to be a fitness person were kind of dashed a little bit because of the pandemic. So he got a job in a union as a laborer. It was actually a pretty good job. He lived in an apartment. He was doing good. And then he. It was like a roller coaster. I can't even explain it. This one particular day, he called me at, like, 12 noon. It was a Monday. And he said, ma. And his voice cracked, and he said, I could really use a hug. He was despondent. So I said to him, aunt, I'll be there. I'm coming now. So I got my car and I went. He was laying on his Bed. I never saw him like that. I mean, beyond depressed. We were talking about a lot of different things. He was so distraught. I was so concerned that I basically sat on the edge of the bed and I, with one arm, like, cradled him and told him it's going to be okay. And I thought, he is so wounded. And he just came out with it. He said, you know, mom, you think Ivy Ridge was so good. He told me that he was sexually assaulted. And he said, I'm not going to say anything else about it. He was embarrassed. And he said the only two people that knew were his current therapist, that he was going to. And he told me and that's it. In his life. I was reeling because it's 18 years after the fact and I'm thinking, you carried this all this time. I didn't even know what to say. I just held him tighter and the two of us were crying hysterically like I couldn't even come up with words. He said to me, mom, you always tell me it's going to get better and I believe you. And then it doesn't. I lost it because I feel like I talked him off the ledge so many times over the years. And he always appreciated the advice and he really listened to it. But this time, everything that was going to come out of my mouth, I had said already. I'd never seen a human being so emotionally wounded. I didn't want to insult him by saying something that I'd already told him. All I did was cry. I couldn't find my voice. I felt so awful realizing that I put him into the lion's den. He did say to me, mom, please don't tell dad. It was very hard for me not to tell my husband. I didn't even know how to tell him. He told me that I should go home. He's like, mom, there's a Norista coming. You know, I don't want anything to happen to you. Go home. I'll be okay. But you know, I felt like a piece of crap leaving him. I texted him as soon as I got home. He texted me back the next morning. He called me. It was maybe quarter to nine in the morning. He said, mom, I'm going to stop by. I said, okay. So he came by. I was at the sink washing vegetables. I never even heard him come in. I just turned and he was sitting on the love seat in the living room. I can't explain it. It was a feeling and a vibe he was giving off that I didn't like. I had my sister here who's older than me, and she was going to stay a few days. So we went out to the garage and had a cigarette. And he was kind of quiet. He was showered, dressed. He said to me, mom, going to go. And I was like, anthony, please don't go. Please. I wanted to grab his arm, but I know he would have pulled away because he was determined to leave. I asked him numerous times to, please stay. Aunt Nancy's making your favorite dinner. He's like, no, mom gonna go. Always when I left him or he left me, we always told each other, I love you. So he told me he loved me and hugged me. And I watched him walk down the driveway. And of course, now I realized he came over to say goodbye. About 45 minutes later, the siren went off, and I dropped to my knees in the kitchen. I put my head in my hands and I said to drain. My husband was walking by, and he just looked at me with a look of being afraid. I checked my phone after the siren went off, and it was a text from him from a couple minutes before the siren went off, saying, I love you, Ma. And I'm like, you just were here. You told me you love me. You hugged me. Why are you telling me you love me? Again? Like, I got scared. Call it mother's intuition. After I went to my knees in the kitchen, I collected myself, stood up, and went back to the sink cleaning vegetables. And then my neighbor next door, she's like my sister. We've been neighbors for 37 years. She had called me the night before as I was driving home from his house, and she knew he was having difficulty. And my neighbor called me again, and she said, is Anthony there? I said, no, he just left. But I have to tell you, I've never seen anybody so depressed before. I had a very odd feeling when he was here. And the siren went off, and all I could think of was the train. Because we've had a lot of kids over the years in 37 years, stand in front of the train. She was like, oh, my God, don't even say that. We hung up. And maybe five minutes later, she was tapping on my door with her fingernail, saying, terry, Terry. She sounded panicked in her voice. And I opened the front door. She said to me, I just went on Bayport Moms, and a train hit a car at the crossing, but there's lots of black sonatas. And I went, it's him. I know it's him. My husband went flying out the door. I was beside myself. I don't even remember saying one Word to my sister, my poor sister was sitting in the chair. I was just all over the place, pacing and being hysterical. And I said, I gotta go. And my neighbor said, please don't go. Let Larry handle it. It's going to be okay. It's all right. And I'm like, no, no, no, I have to go. I went toward the driveway, and she goes, you can't drive. And I go, all right, well, then I'll run. I could probably make it in five minutes. Mind you, I'm in my 60s. She said, okay, I'll take you. When I got to the scene, I had a local news reporter stick a mic in my face. I don't know how they knew, maybe look on my face, trying to ask me questions, which I pushed out of my face and told them to stop. And my husband walked toward me, and he didn't even need words because I just looked at his face. And he goes, listen, we gotta go to the hospital right now. And I was like, okay. I went on to the hospital with my husband, and when we got there, people came in and asked me if we needed anything or wanted anything. And I said, yes, could you get me a priest? They were wheeling my son past. They stopped, and the doctor said, we have to drain some fluid off of his brain. I knew he was gone. He looked fine. You wouldn't have known. He was in his car when the train hit him, but he had massive, extensive internal injuries. And then we sat down, and my husband put his head in his hands, and he goes, why? And all of a sudden, the light bulb went on. And I was like, I know why. He asked me not to tell you. And I told him. And he said, we did this to him. And I said, I know we did this to him. That was October 26th. A day or two later, they told us there was no brain activity. They asked us if we wanted to donate, and we said absolutely, in unison, even though we hadn't discussed it, because we know that's what Anthony would have wanted. Anthony liked to feed the homeless, help people. At the grocery store, if he saw somebody struggling with heavy packages, he was just kind like that. I told them, as long as I can bury him with an open casket, please just tell me where to sign. Take whatever you want. He would want you to if it will help somebody else. It meant we had to keep him alive for extra days. We had to keep him on life support because they had to get his body ready for donation. And then it meant he ended up the last two days in Manhattan, which You know, was a little bit of a hike from here, but my husband said, oh, I don't know if I could do this. And I said, they said it could save up to 50 people and help them. We have to do it. And that was hard, but we did it. We got to go down to the operating room. They gave him an honor walk where every nurse and doctor in the vicinity lines the halls all the way. As you walk by with the Gertie with Anthony on it, they all say, thank you. We got down there. My other son said, ma, I don't think I can do this. We said, do what you want. Everybody's different. We understand. He left. And then one guy said, do you want certain music on? And I'm like, I gotta get my son. He just left because he would know better than I. I knew artists that he liked, but I didn't know particular songs. The other guy came over and said, oh, no, no, no. Your son just gave me. My son made like a little playlist for them to play. So he got to have his music because my other son took care of that for me. We were holding his hand and they disconnected the life support. When they do that, I would think the person would just pass as soon as they take it out, but they said, it varies. It'll never leave my mind. It comes back. When you see a picture, it's hard to unsee it.
- [30:11]
Tiffany Reiss
I am so incredibly, deeply sorry for your loss and what your entire family and Anthony experienced. How would you like Anthony to be remembered?
- [30:24]
Terry
With a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face, he said, my friend called me a mama's boy today. And I said, that's right, I am. He wasn't afraid to love with his whole heart. He really was a good person. He was like me, very emotional, wore a song on his sleeve, but always up for a good time. Always ribbing and kidding me and very loving. His hugs were the best and I think I miss his hugs the most. The people that run these schools, I don't think they realize this is just the agony of one family. I just don't think they understand what they do to the survivors. And I feel these people are getting away scot free. It's just not right. It's not fair. Nothing has happened to them. They just get richer. They're told to close their schools, they close and they reopen. Sometimes at the same location under a different name. And they just keep scamming people. I don't know how you could enjoy the money knowing what you're leaving behind wreckage. Some of these men and women, they'll have to live with this till the day they die. Some of them had it worse than others, but they all had it bad. I can't even believe people could be that dastardly. They know what's going on. They know the kids are being abused. I just don't think they should be allowed to get away with it. I think they should suffer because honestly, they destroyed my family. They destroyed my other son and my husband and me and a lot of his aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. They shouldn't be allowed to do this to people. To destroy all those kids. It's a mortal sin. After he was gone, I remembered something he said to me a couple weeks before. His therapist's name was Lily. He said, I told Lily something that I've never told another human being. And I go, really? That's really great. Hindsight said, should I have asked him more? I was going to. And then I felt like he's a 35 year old man. He went to counseling on his own. What he tells his therapist is between them. I was curious, but I certainly wasn't going to pry into his life. That did occur to me later. What if I had said, anything you want to talk about? 15 months after we buried him? I was sitting in my living room and his voice came into my head and I was back at a conversation he was having with me. He was on his way out. He had brought up Ivy Ridge. And I'd say things like, do you think you would be where you are now if I hadn't have sent you there, thinking I did a great thing. And he looked at me and he said, ma, if you don't believe me, go onto YouTube, look up WASPs. Just do it. Unfortunately, I never did it. I figured you're home, you're okay, you're in college. To me, it was a closed book. Fifteen months after his funeral was like February and I was in the house cooped up and his voice popped into my head saying that. And I went onto YouTube. I went into WASP survivors, I would say at that point I entered the Twilight Zone. I looked at a testimonial from a gentleman who, who was sent to, I think it was Casa by the Sea or Tranquility Bay when he was 12. And the director that was at Ivy Ridge when my son was there at the time was the director of the school this other gentleman was sent to when he was 12. It was a half hour interview with this guy who halfway through the interview said, what happened in between? When he left, he was sent to the academy at Ivy Ridge and I just froze up until this point that I watched those YouTube videos. I honestly thought it was an isolated incident what happened to my son, but after seeing his testimonial I was shaking my head going it wasn't just him.
- [34:51]
Tiffany Reiss
This episode is sponsored by Fume Zero. The brand new grab and go flavored air device from Fume Fum. Zero is just $24.99 for a sleek pre filled device with no commitment, no refills, no batteries. It's completely clean with zero nicotine and zero vapor. Just natural plant based flavored air with six bold flavors and up to 10 days of use. Zero makes it simple to start. FUM Zero offers adjustable airflow so you can dial in a lighter or stronger draw with a simple twist giving you the control and satisfaction that you're looking for. It also has a fidget friendly design featuring a smooth triangular shape and subtle click mechanism that keeps your hands busy and your mind at ease. Zero is the easiest on ramp to the good habit. Start simple, then graduate to their reusable system and join thousands building better routines. Take zero chances with Fume Zero today available for just 24.99 USD. Just head to try fume.com that's T R Y F U M.com to start with. Zero. Thank you so much.
- [36:12]
Terry
I contacted one of the young men who happened to go to the two schools and the second school was Ivy Ridge. I emailed him cold, told him who I was, who my son was, what happened in a summary and he got right back to me. We went back and forth a couple times. When my son passed I put his information for the services on his Facebook page and I had somebody from Ivy Ridge that had gone with him reach out to me. I had a rapport with him. He told me there's a documentary coming out in about six months. They've been working on it for years. It was the program Khan's Cults and Kidnappings and he asked me if I'd like to come watch it with all the guys. I said to him that I wasn't sure after seeing it with them if I would be able to drive home because he lives in Queens. So I didn't go. But it opened my world. Catherine did such a fabulous job on it and everyone that was in it. I'm just in awe of them. They are so brave and so wonderful. If anyone watched that, there's no way you couldn't not feel something was just really profound I couldn't have imagined that it was as bad as it was. I've watched it quite a few times because I don't want to ever forget what he went through. Netflix had a page on Facebook with the program. I went on there and somebody came back and, like, attacked me. God may forgive you, but I won't. What kind of monster are you that you could send your son to that place? And the survivors came to my rescue. They stuck up for me. They befriended me. I have a great relationship with quite a few of them. I love them. They're so close to my heart. They asked me if I would like to come up to Ogdensburg. Last April of 24, they were going to go up to the school and they were having, like, a Survivor weekend. The townspeople of Ogdensburg never knew what the real story was. I think three days before I left, my friend Rob asked me if I would speak on the steps of the town hall. Normally, I would never do something like that. I'm very shy, but I just felt so strongly, I didn't even hesitate. I had the really heavy schedule before I left there. I didn't have an hour to myself. The night before. I was helping them with signs and stuff at the hotel. When I got back to my room, I think it was after midnight. I had to speak at 12 noon. The words just flowed out of me. It was the most normal I felt in years. They made me feel welcome. I felt close to Anthony. I felt like I understood their pain because I watched it, but I didn't know what it was at the time. Even the townspeople were so supportive. The survivors are my favorite people in the whole world. I just have so much respect for them and how much they've been through and how they want to comfort me when I'm the other side, but they embrace me. There was one girl in particular at first that defended me. When people got on me and we kept messaging back and forth from last April to this past February. I got a call that she passed away and that her service was going to be at 5 o' clock and it was like 10 in the morning. I jumped in the shower. I threw things in a bag. I looked at my husband and I said, I have to go. He knew that I had a friendship with her. She had done some artwork and made my son's picture into a beautiful angel. She was in her late 30s. I could not believe that she passed away. It makes me more angry because her brother was also in the program before her and he passed away. She was like my rock And I was there for her as well. I just couldn't believe that she wasn't here anymore. I still can't believe it. This just happened a couple months ago. The worst part about all this is some of the young men and women told me that their parents still don't believe them, even after the documentary. I can't believe that. That they don't believe. I've even said, I'll speak to if you want me to. But they're like, it doesn't matter. They're not going to believe it. That floored me. Because on top of everything, to have your mother and father then believe that you're telling a lie. Honestly, if my son had told me the truth from the beginning, I would have immediately been in his corner. Absolutely. And I would have went after them, which I think he might have not told me for that reason. Because he didn't want it out there. The only reason. I'll put it out there. Now I don't feel like I am violating the trust. Because now my son is an angel. He's in paradise. He's watching me going, okay, Mom. It's okay. I know he is. I'm glad he told me. Because if he hadn't told me, I always would have wondered, is there anything I could have done? I honestly think he told me because he wanted me to know that they did this to him. To know the truth. And he knew what he was going to do. I feel so bad for everyone that's not here that is here and suffers and can't get the memories out of their head. I know life goes on, but it never goes away. It's always there. You're having a good time, and then all of a sudden it'll pop in your head and you could feel your heart actually sink. I'm never going to be free again. I'm always going to carry it, and I'm always going to have that memory. It's very hard to live with knowing that you tried to help your son and it hurt him instead. I think that's the hardest thing of all.
- [42:29]
Tiffany Reiss
Do you think that Anthony knew that your intentions were to help him?
- [42:35]
Terry
Well, I can tell you he sent me a lot of signs. So I think he's watching. I think he knows that I just wanted the best for him, always. I told him that many times. He trusted me. I know he knew I loved him more than anything. I miss him terribly. He was my bud. I try to honor him. Which is why I went up to Ogdensburg. I've written letters to senators, and anytime there's a bill up, I always back it up. I'll do anything just to put a stop to this. And that's what's so remarkable about the survivors. The ones that were hurt so much are the kindest and it doesn't seem right. They're the first one to stick their hand out and put their arm around you and console you when they're hurting so bad.
- [43:27]
Tiffany Reiss
It's a great honor to speak with you and be able to share a bit of Anthony in hopes that we can continue to try to make change and get every single one of these fucking places shut down. I am a strong believer that Anthony is with you and is seeing all the amazing things you're doing to advocate for survivors and you're still fighting for him.
- [43:54]
Terry
I will fight for him till the day I die.
- [44:06]
Tiffany Reiss
Next time on Something was Wrong.
- [44:11]
Terry
Month three or four, my parents could come out and visit. We do in person family therapy. And then if we were on the appropriate level, we could go off some with them for a couple hours. And so my dad took me to lunch. I was in such a state of fear. He could only take me to lunch and then return me. We're sitting in the restaurant and I had to go to the bathroom and I looked at my dad and I was like, can you come stand outside the bathroom? And he was like, why? I hadn't gone to the bathroom unsupervised and I was just so afraid to be in a public bathroom by myself that somehow I was going to do something wrong and I was going to get in trouble.
- [44:56]
Tiffany Reiss
Something was wrong is a broken cycle. Media production created and produced by executive producer Tiffany Reiss, associate producers Amy B. Chesler and Lily Rowe with audio editing and music design by Becca High. Thank you to our extended page team, Lauren Barkman, our social media marketing manager Sarah Stewart, our graphic artist and Marissa and Travis from wme. Thank you endlessly to every survivor who has ever trusted us with their stories. And thank you, each and every listener for making our show possible with your support and listenership. In the episode notes, you'll always find episode specific content, warnings, sources and resources. Thank you so much for your support. Until next time, stay safe, friends.