Podcast Summary: Something Was Wrong
S24 Ep19: Wanted
Host: Tiffany Reese (Broken Cycle Media)
Guest: Nicole (Survivor, Desisto School, 1994–1996)
Date: October 29, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode features survivor Nicole recounting her traumatic experience at the Desisto School, a controversial therapeutic boarding school for adolescents. Nicole shares her journey from a tumultuous home life to being sent to Desisto, her day-to-day reality at the institution, the long-term emotional aftermath, and her recovery process. The episode explores themes of family dynamics, institutional abuse, misdiagnosis, and the struggle for self-compassion after surviving trauma in so-called "therapeutic" environments.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Background on the Desisto School ([00:00]–[04:14])
- The Institution: Founded in 1978 by Michael Desisto; later investigated for labor violations, lack of credentialed staff, and unsafe student environments.
- Closure: School closed in 2004 after persistent state action and findings of child endangerment.
- Nicole’s Timeline: Attended from age 15 (1994) to 18 (1996).
“In their investigation findings, the OCCS alleged that the Desisto School provided their office with very limited information... at times students were deprived of sleep, food and school hours as punishment.”
— Tiffany Reese [02:35]
2. Nicole’s Family and Early Life ([04:14]–[13:49])
- Early Family Dynamics: Nicole describes growing up in a split household, feeling lost in shifting family units, and struggling with an undiagnosed learning disability.
- Lack of Belonging: Recounts feeling out of place in blended families; comments on parents' remarriages and new siblings.
- Body Shaming & Bullying: Experienced body shaming from family and sexual harassment at school, compounding feelings of insecurity.
“The moment I would get off a plane, the first thing [my mom] would say to me is she would comment on my weight... it made me feel like she was judging on how well I was doing in life if I was heavy or if I was thin.”
— Nicole [07:32]
3. Path to Desisto School ([09:30]–[15:35])
- Escalating “Trouble”: After being caught for minor infractions (smoking, sneaking out), Nicole’s stepfather enrolls her in increasingly restrictive schools.
- Promises vs. Reality: Desisto is presented as a prestigious, arts-oriented boarding school—but the reality is starkly different.
“They said, we’ve got this great school... I didn’t want to go. I wanted to be a regular teen.”
— Nicole [12:24]
4. Life at Desisto: Rules, Regimentation, and “Therapy” ([15:35]–[25:18])
- Extreme Control: Nicole details strip searches, complete loss of privacy, constant monitoring (must be in a group at all times), and communal nudity in showers.
- Punitive Tactics: Staff enforced conformity via humiliation (e.g., forced to wear only a sheet), manual labor, and isolation (sent to “the farm” dorm with no privileges).
- Confrontational “Therapy”: Daily meetings involved public shaming and emotional attacks, led mostly by unqualified “dorm parents,” not professionals.
“Every night you would get together in a circle and one person would be in the hot seat. Everybody would go around and say to the person that they didn’t believe them... it just was constant confrontational therapy.”
— Nicole [19:08]
“It’s shame as punishment, essentially.”
— Tiffany Reese [25:18]
5. Michael Desisto’s Influence and School Philosophy ([20:00]–[25:00])
- Cult of Personality: Michael Desisto is idolized, projects himself as a therapist but isn’t one, convinces wealthy parents to enrol “troubled” kids.
- Blaming Families: The school frames all teen dysfunction as a product of family codependency, making family “therapy” central—but only within the school’s control.
- Cost: Tuition ranges from $50,000–$70,000 per year.
“He could sell it. He pretended and projected that he was this therapist.”
— Nicole [21:43]
6. Drugging, Misdiagnosis, and Parental Involvement ([25:18]–[29:44])
- Forced Medication: Nicole is diagnosed as bipolar, given lithium and nortriptyline, despite later being told she only had PTSD and depression.
- Lack of Informed Consent: Unclear if parents fully understood medical interventions; communication is controlled and monitored by staff.
- Parent Manipulation: Parents required to participate in shaming sessions, often berated publicly for family “failures.”
“I was recommended to go see the psychiatrist. And then I was diagnosed as bipolar... and I was prescribed lithium. It was then that I started to feel very numb. I was walking around in this daze.”
— Nicole [26:35]
“The parent would totally get ripped to shreds... very intimate details would get brought up about maybe a parent’s cheating on their spouse, maybe there was abuse... in front of everybody.”
— Nicole [28:28]
7. Hierarchy and “Graduation” ([32:00]–[38:42])
- Dorm Status Ladder: Advancements to higher dorms come through peer voting; privileges are contingent on compliance.
- Graduation “Spin”: Final release is dependent on arbitrary decisions by staff/peers. Sometimes denied at the last moment.
- Running Away: Nicole eventually escapes at 18 by rerouting her return flight after a funeral trip.
“It was clear to me that you needed to move up to the steward dorm... and graduate. Five kids would graduate a year.”
— Nicole [37:26]
“I was there for about two years, until 1996. And I ran away at 18.”
— Nicole [38:45]
8. Long-Term Impact and Recovery ([41:22]–[54:08])
- Persistent Trauma: Nightmares about being trapped at Desisto linger into adulthood; missed key life experiences and feels detached from family memories.
- Misdiagnosis Fallout: Realizes later she was wrongly medicated for bipolar disorder—actually had PTSD.
- Struggling for Acceptance: Feels abandoned by parents post-escape; relationship with both is strained for decades.
- Parenthood & Healing: Now a mother, Nicole is determined to break the cycle, stays focused on her daughter, and practices conscious parenting.
- Ongoing Social Anxiety: Has stopped drinking, crediting recovery to therapy, EMDR, and a new sense of self-compassion.
“Feeling trapped. I have reoccurring nightmares of being there and being unable to leave. I’m in my 40s, and I still, to this day... have nightmares about being on campus.”
— Nicole [41:31]
“My dad apologized to me. He just looked at me and said, I am so sorry we sent you there.”
— Nicole [47:22]
“I try to show [my daughter] that you can be a functioning, happy woman... seek relationships that I want and not ones that I need.”
— Nicole [48:31]
9. Community, Controversy, and Reflection on Desisto’s Legacy ([49:03]–[53:51])
- Mixed Feelings: Even 30 years later, some parents and alumni defend the school, but Nicole admits to ongoing bonds with peers who “just get it.”
- Controversy: The “unsilenced” movement is referenced as resource for documentation and survivor support.
- Family Secrecy: Parents may have willfully ignored red flags, unable to confront the harm done.
“What happened at this school changed my family relationships and other relationships for decades to come. It skewed my view on mental health and altered the entire trajectory of my life.”
— Nicole [51:22]
“I just really hope that if there are parents out there listening and they’re going through it with their teen, they just hang on and don’t send them away... fostering a feeling of being wanted is very important.”
— Nicole [53:41]
10. Self-Compassion & Breaking the Cycle ([54:08]–[55:43])
- Ongoing Struggle: Describes the slow process of building self-worth after being rejected by those meant to care most.
- Advocacy: Nicole hopes her story will help other parents learn and make different choices.
“Feeling wanted, feeling worthy, being compassionate to myself, liking myself, being kind to who I am.”
— Nicole [54:50]
11. Why Speak Publicly? ([55:07]–[56:15])
- Breaking Silence: No longer feels shame about being sent away, seeks to help others by sharing her story.
- Message: Urges parents to research alternatives and not send children to such institutions.
“I used to find a lot of shame that I was sent away. I don’t feel that shame anymore, but it’s always going to be with me. It’s part of who I am. I just want parents to do their research...”
— Nicole [55:12]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- "You feel like a zombie because you're listening to all these kids tell you you can't do this, you can't do that, don't do this, don't say that. You're just wanting to go home."
— Nicole [15:35] - "Kids would be held down on the ground if they were a threat to others or themselves. And that was called a limit structure. It was very scary."
— Nicole [25:25] - “There had to have been money being made off of children. And there were some really, really talented kids at the school... voices like you wouldn't believe.”
— Nicole [34:48] - “I can’t ever imagine sending my child away.”
— Nicole [48:51] - “We all have that core feeling... we’re all being rejected by the people that should love us the most.”
— Nicole [54:18]
Important Timestamps
- Desisto School Background: [00:00]–[04:14]
- Nicole’s Childhood: [04:14]–[07:22]
- Initial Experience at Desisto: [13:49]–[17:44]
- Punitive Practices & Confrontational Therapy: [20:09]–[25:21]
- Forced Medication & Parent Meetings: [25:18]–[29:44]
- Theater, Labor, and Exploitation: [32:00]–[34:48]
- Escape as Legal Adult: [38:42]–[41:22]
- Long-term Trauma & Family Impact: [41:22]–[48:54]
- Community and Survivor Bonds: [49:03]–[51:23]
- Call to Parents & Closing Message: [53:41]–[56:15]
Conclusion
Nicole’s harrowing account exposes the reality behind the marketed image of “therapeutic” boarding schools like Desisto: a system built on shame, control, and the silencing of young people. Her story urges listeners—especially parents—to seek genuine connection and openness with their children and to challenge institutional solutions that promise easy fixes for familial or adolescent struggles. Nicole’s ultimate message is one of recovery through honesty, compassion, and breaking the cycle for the next generation.