S25 Ep18: Better for the Next Survivor

Summary

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Something Was Wrong – S25 Ep18: “Better for the Next Survivor”

Date: April 9, 2026
Host: Broken Cycle Media
Guest: Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)

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Episode Overview

In this powerful episode, Allegra recounts her harrowing experience of sexual assault, her subsequent Title IX journey at “Western University,” and her transformation into a campus advocate for survivors. Through detailed and raw storytelling, Allegra illustrates the trauma inflicted not just by the perpetrator, but by administrative failures, skepticism, and institutional betrayals—while maintaining hope that her advocacy will improve outcomes for future survivors.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Allegra’s Assault and the Immediate Aftermath

• Allegra narrates meeting her assailant, Justin, through Tinder. Their only in-person meeting resulted in rape (01:26).
• By May 28, 2017, Allegra sought help, contacting the school’s victim advocate and being referred to Title IX (01:29).
• Justin reacted with anger and retaliatory behavior; he was found not responsible due to “insufficient evidence” by the Office of Equal Opportunity (OEO) (01:54).

Quote:
“You think you know me. You don't know me well at all. You don't know anybody till you talk to someone.” – Allegra (00:38)

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2. The Title IX Hearing: Frustration and Re-Traumatization

• Allegra describes the highly formal, intimidating hearing process (02:16–03:57), including attempts to block her victim advocate’s presence.
• She delivers a stark, factual, and emotional opening statement recounting both physical and psychological trauma, emphasizing the violence of the rape and the reality of survivor behaviors that don’t fit the ‘perfect victim’ trope (04:33–07:41).
• Cross-examination focuses on impugning Allegra’s credibility rather than her evidence (08:40–10:24).

Quote:
“I wanted to phone it in. I did not want to be there. I did not want to see him in person… My victim advocate… fought for me.” – Allegra (02:16–03:33)

Opening Statement Highlight:
“This means I was not the stereotypical perfect victim. I am upset and disheartened that the OEO seems to have expected me to fit this perfect victim profile and behavior…” – Allegra (05:54)

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3. Institutional Failures & Injustice

• The panel, after mistakenly interpreting post-assault texts as indicators of consent, upholds the “insufficient evidence” finding (12:48–14:49).
• The decision is delivered just before Christmas, demanding any appeal within an impossible five-day window during the holidays (16:02–16:36).

Quotes:
“The committee concurs with the OEOAA's finding… there is insufficient evidence… the complainant's conduct may have indicated consent…” – Allegra (reading official decision, 13:19–14:49)
“I think what's so criminal about that is expecting survivors to make these heart-wrenching, super difficult, super high risk… decisions within three days.” – Allegra (16:36)

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4. Aftermath: The Impact on Allegra and Her Campus

• Allegra encounters her rapist dating a classmate and decides to warn her, breaking the no-contact order and risking expulsion (20:21–26:00).
• The disclosure divides her community and puts her academics at risk, epitomizing the risks survivors take even in trying to protect others.

Quote: “My academic future and my position at school was saved because she was unwilling to get involved in a formal capacity is very scary to me.” – Allegra (25:57)

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5. Turning to Advocacy

• Allegra becomes president of the campus “It’s On Us” chapter, determined to create tangible improvements for survivors and to build a coalition beyond “women’s issues” (27:53–30:21).
• She notes the emotional cost of being forced to work alongside campus leaders who participated in her hearing.

Quote: “The only reason that I became interested in activism and engaged in activism was because I wanted others’ experience to be better than mine.” – Allegra (31:36)

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6. Revelations About Justin: Serial Perpetration

• In 2020, Allegra learns Justin’s name appears on local Twitter lists of alleged perpetrators and connects with other victims, confirming his serial offending (33:29–35:39).
• Dr. Badera’s book, “On the Wrong Side: How Universities Protect Perpetrators and Betray Survivors of Sexual Violence,” documents institutional biases against Allegra and the disbelief and dismissal from administrators and even victim advocates (36:33–40:49).

Quote (from book): “They now knew her as the most vocal advocate for survivors… a persistent thorn in their sides… used rape allegations as a networking tool…” – Dr. Badera (citing administrators’ opinions, 36:33)

Allegra’s reaction:
“To think that someone would engage with the Title IX process and see it through… that that would be the avenue through which I would seek attention… I don't even have a word for it—backwards, hurtful, disgusting.” (37:29–37:54)

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7. Reflections on Institutional Betrayal

• Allegra learns that administrators believed she orchestrated other women’s reports against Justin, leading to further non-reporting and silencing (43:12–44:49).
• She discovers no real consequences were imposed on Justin, while she—and other victims—suffered lasting harms.

Quote:
“My college experience and my access to education was ruined by my rape and then my following experience with the Title IX process…” – Allegra (39:44)

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8. Discussing Dr. Badera’s Book & Podcast Participation

• Allegra explains how she connected with the podcast after hearing about the Title IX season and why she believes sharing her story is vital despite ongoing pain (55:06–56:49).

Quote:
“My perception before college was that the era of colleges ignoring sexual assault was over with the release of the film The Hunting Ground. Those survivors… are my idols. That’s honestly another reason I was attracted to advocacy…” – Allegra (56:59)

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9. Healing, Trauma, and Hope

• Allegra discusses leaving old friendships behind, therapy, lasting somatic injuries, and her ongoing commitment to survival and advocacy (59:39–61:45).
• She stresses that healing is possible, and urges others not to live in shame or silence.

Quote: “I know I said before that Justin ruined my life and in some ways he did. But I'm still here. I'm still alive. I'm still doing what I love to do… With therapy, it is possible for you to live a fulfilling life after sexual assault…” – Allegra (61:33–62:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Survivor Expectations:
  “This means I was not the stereotypical perfect victim… I am upset and disheartened that the OEO seems to have expected me to fit this perfect victim profile and behavior.” (05:54)

• On Institutional Betrayal:
  “My college experience and my access to education was ruined by my rape and then my following experience with the Title IX process, to think that I was doing that for attention is just so off base.” (39:44)

• On Systemic Injustice:
  “Why on earth does a rapist need an advocate? It did not even occur to me that he would be provided with one… The Title IX office was very charmed by him…” (51:04)

• On Healing:
  “With therapy, it is possible for you to live a fulfilling life after sexual assault, after rape, after domestic violence.” (61:45)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:38 | Allegra’s introduction: “You think you know me…” | | 01:26 | Rape described, first steps seeking help | | 02:16–03:57| Entering the hearing, advocate struggle, room dynamics | | 04:33–07:41| Allegra’s opening statement at hearing | | 08:40–10:24| Cross-examination experience | | 12:48–14:49| Hearing panel’s decision, reasoning | | 16:36 | On the impossibility and cruelty of the appeal deadline | | 20:21 | Finding out classmate is dating Justin, deciding to warn her | | 25:42 | Risk of expulsion for breaking no-contact to protect others | | 27:53 | It’s On Us: Allegra’s advocacy work | | 33:29 | Discovering Justin’s other victims via Twitter | | 36:33 | Dr. Badera’s book: institutional opinions on Allegra | | 43:12 | Learning about further non-reported victims | | 51:04 | On advocates for perpetrators | | 55:06 | Allegra decides to speak out via the podcast | | 59:39 | Impact of trauma on relationships, somatic healing | | 61:33 | Hope and validation for survivors |

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Additional Insights

• Tone & Language: Conversation is direct, raw, vulnerable, yet anchored in resilience. Allegra and the host avoid sensationalism, focusing on facts and feelings with clarity.
• Call to Action: The episode concludes with Allegra encouraging survivors to seek support and refusing to accept shame or invisibility.

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Summary

This episode is a courageous, detailed portrait of how survivors’ lives are shaped not just by the trauma of sexual assault, but by flawed systems that prioritize institutional self-protection over justice or care. Allegra’s testimony both indicts those failures and models the life-affirming power of survivor advocacy and truth-telling—even when it comes at immense personal cost. Her story calls listeners to reconsider what real support for survivors means and sheds light on both the necessity and difficulty of creating real change within powerful institutions.

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Transcript

[Podcast Host]

Something Was Wrong is intended for mature audiences and discusses topics that may be upsetting this season discusses sexual, physical, and psychological violence Please consume the following episodes with care for a full content warning, sources and resources for each individual episode, please visit the Episode Notes Opinions shared by the guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Broken Cycle Media. The podcast and any linked materials should not be misconstrued as a substitution for legal or medical advice. Thank you so much for listening.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

You think you know me. You don't know me well at all. You don't know anybody till you talk to someone.

[Podcast Host]

Last time on Something Was Wrong, we

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

matched on Tinder the spring of 2017. The messaging was very brief and maybe a few months prior to when I actually met him. The only time I ever met him

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

in person was the night that he raped me.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

By that Sunday evening, the 28th of May, now I had come to terms with it and was ready to take steps. I made contact with Title IX because the school's victim Advocates office directed me to them. He was mad and I think it was a case of if she's going

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

to take me down, I'm taking her down with me.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Then that began the next phase of Justin's retaliatory behavior. They found him, of course, not responsible due to insufficient evidence. The policy stated that if I wanted to appeal this decision, I think it was something like three days that you had to decide if you wanted to

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

do a hearing or not.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I notified them that I would like to appeal to a hearing. My hearing was around Thanksgiving time of 2017. I was told that it would really be better for my credibility if I showed up to the hearing because I wanted to phone it in. I wanted to zoom into that thing. I did not want to be there.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I did not want to see him in person.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I did not want to be in

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

the same room with him.

[Podcast Host]

And did he show up?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

He did.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I show up to this big building

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

which is at the center of Western University. It's like the initial buildings of the university. So they're all very old and they're made of stone. And that's where the president, all the vice presidents of the university have their offices and that's where the office of the General Counsel is as well as the room where my hearing was held. We had to go through metal detectors, which I thought was an unsettling note to an already unsettling situation. My lawyer was with me, his lawyer was with him. They tried to say that my victim advocate couldn't Come in with me.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

But she fought for me.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

She was like, huh? I told her, I'm going to be in there.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

There's no literature that says I can't be in there.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I'm going to be in there. My parents did come to the building, but they were not allowed to come inside the hearing room. So they just sat in a waiting area.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

So inside the hearing room, besides your lawyer and your victim advocate, were the three people on the panel?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Yes, and there was supposed to be

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

a fourth, but they didn't bother to show up.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

And then. Is there anyone else in the room?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Justin and his attorney. What's funny is none of his witnesses showed up. It was like a boardroom. A long table with office chairs on either side. The three hearing committee members are sitting on the wall when you walk in. So right when I walk in, I see the committee members and then I sit on the left hand side with

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

my team and Justin sits on the right hand side of the table with his.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

And who is sort of overseeing, leading the hearing?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

No one.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Do you recall how it began?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Yes.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I had to read my opening statement.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Thank you all for being here today. I requested this hearing as I strongly oppose the OEO AA's finding of insufficient evidence in my claim that Justin raped me. You have been provided with the final report that the OO issued. You have read over the case as well as the reason I appealed the initial findings. The OEO found insufficient evidence based off of two text messages I sent to Justin. I sent these text messages the morning after he violently raped me. The violence reaching a level that left bite marks on my collarbone and a laceration inside my vagina that still appeared days after the rape and my forensic exam. Vaginas are strong and they are self lubricated. Vaginas are designed to withstand rigorous exams with metal tools, childbirth, and absolutely consensual sexual. I state this now to help you comprehend the violence that Justin used while raping me. He was able to tear the inside of my vagina with the level of force he used. He choked me to the point that I could not breathe, talk, shout, scream or say no. I sent the text messages in question

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

to Justin because I hadn't processed the

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

events of the night before. I was scared of him and I was in pain. He had shown incredible violence toward me

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

and I was unsure of what else

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

he may be capable of. It was my decision that the best thing to do for myself would be to appease his ego and end any communication as soon as possible. This means I was not the Stereotypical perfect victim. I am upset and disheartened that the

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

OEO seems to have expected me to

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

fit this perfect victim profile and behavior.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I am baffled that the two text

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

messages seem to have discounted all the other facts and evidence that I provided to the oeo. I explained the reasons I sent the text, and yet those two texts remain the downfall of me receiving justice and closure and what Justin did to me. You now have the reasons and scientific information available to you to help you understand the reasons that compelled me to send two text messages to Justin. I urge you to review my appeal and the research that supports my reasoning. I feel that the OEO made the decision that two texts held more weight than the forensic exam I received and the laceration inside my vagina and the bite marks on my collarbone and the strangulation I endured, not to mention my statement and story. Members of the hearing committee, I do not have much of a statement for you today as you have seen and read all the evidence and there is not much more context I can give other than to answer any specific questions you may have. The OEO found insufficient evidence based on two simple texts. And my statement is as simple as Justin raped me. During our encounter, I asked Justin to stop hurting me. I told him that I had experienced sexual assault before and what he was doing was scaring me, hurting me and reminding me of those experiences. Justin did not stop. He proceeded to strangle me and penetrate me, despite me requesting that he not. I did not know how to process what had happened to me, nor did

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I know what to do about it the morning after.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

So I prioritized his appeasement and my safety over appearing like the perfect victim. In that moment, getting justice for myself was not even on my mind. Distancing myself from a violent rapist was my first priority and a decision that I stand by because it kept me safe. The rape was so violent that I went on to receive an exam in order to understand the impact of the rape, to obtain evidence, and to go through all the proper proceedings to make sure I was healthy. I continued to go to follow up doctor's appointments for further testing and care as a result of my rape. Through all these avenues, I was able to process what had happened to me and accept that Justin truly raped me. I'm extremely disappointed in the finding and I believe, just as the OEO did you have enough evidence in front of you to restore justice to this case and to me. I can answer any questions you have now.

[Podcast Host]

And what, if any, questions did they ask you?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I Don't recall the committee asking me too many questions. It was more the cross examination from Justin's attorney, which was not as commonplace as it is now in Title IX systems.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

How was that experience for you being cross examined?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

There were certain things that he was focusing on that I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he was getting at. The way that my rape kit and hospital records were redacted made it seem like I could have been on a

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

bunch of different psychiatric medication.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I have chronic migraines and I've had them since I was 13 years old. And so I was and still am on a supplement homeopathic regimen to try to combat these migraines in a more natural way. When I was in the hospital, they ask you to list what medicines you're on, and so I include all of my supplements in that list of medication. I am not on any prescription medicine for my mental health, nor was I at the time, nor have I ever been. And it's totally fine if you are. There's nothing wrong with that. That's a good thing to seek help and support for anything that you're going through. But that wasn't my experience. But the way that they redacted it, it was like line by line. This wasn't something that I found out until reading Dr. Baderia's book and speaking with her later on, is that what they were looking for was trying to trip me up, essentially that I was on some sort of psychiatric medication that I had been drinking, which I hadn't been. I don't drink, I don't do drugs.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I don't take prescription medication. All my friends, even my acquaintances know this about me.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

And was he drinking that night?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yes.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Was that noted in the report that you were sober and he had been drinking?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I tried to point that out, but, yeah, he was like a dog after a bone, that lawyer about these medications, like, asking me what I had had to drink, asking me what psychiatric medication I'm on. So it didn't land for me because I was like, what is this man after?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

There's nothing there.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

On my side of the room, there was a picture of a ballet major dancing in this specific studio where I danced every day. And it was just kind of like a beacon of hope for me or like a sign from the universe that this too shall pass. So apparently they did decide that day, but we don't find out about it until. I think it was like, December 21st. I was at home on Christmas break when I received my hearing, finding how

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

did you find out. Was that over email as well?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Yes.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

They upheld the original decision.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

The date of issue is December 5, 2017. Report and Recommendation regarding Hearing on OEO Complaint of Allegra against Justin Pursuant to Policy and Procedure 1012 A hearing was held on November 29, 2017 at 9am in a name of this boardroom, in a name of this building to consider the complaint of Allegra against Justin. The hearing was conducted according to the procedures set forth in Western University Policy 1012 University Non discrimination policy and its related rules and procedures. After initial presentation by the OEO consultation on this case about the investigation and process about the findings and conclusions contained in the OEO reports, each party was permitted to make opening and closing statements, testify, present documents and witnesses, ask questions and comment on the issues at the hearing. The Committee's charge was to determine whether the preponderance of the evidence supports the OEOA's conclusion that insufficient evidence exists to find Justin violated university policy. 1012 the committee has prepared the following report of its findings and recommendations.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Then it lists the panel members and what position they held. I had two women who were staff

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

members and then the one student that

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

was male that I knew and so

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

one staff member was an associate accountant and the second was an administrative assistant. The Committee members reviewed all the documents presented and considered the information provided by the OEO Consultant and by the parties, their advisors and witnesses during the hearing by unanimous decision of three people.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

By the way, the committee concurs with

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

the OEOAA's finding with regard to Allegra's complaint against Justin that there is insufficient evidence that the respondent violated Western University's policy 1012 in this case, the Committee found by a unanimous vote that the complainant's conduct may have indicated consent. What led to this decision was evidence in the text messages provided by the concerned parties and witness testimony indicating that there was a conversation on the night of the incident in question about the

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

use of a condom, whether Justin had

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

been tested for STDs and Allegra's IUD,

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

implying that there was discussion about having penetrative sex before the act itself and Allegra's contact according to the text messages

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

provided explicitly indicated her consent. Additionally, the results of the sexual assault examination performed by the SANE nurse proved inconclusive and that the laceration on Allegra's vagina could have come from anything. Quote the majority of the Committee felt that the inconsistencies in Allegra's and Justin's Testimonies were significant to the point that it was impossible to decide who was telling the truth. This led to the decision that the complainant failed to produce a preponderance of the evidence that the action occurred.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Therefore, the Committee recommends the finding of

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

insufficient evidence be entered and that no sanctions be imposed against Justin. In conclusion, the Committee wishes to express appreciation for participation of the parties, their advisors and their witnesses in this process.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

All of these terms, like the complainant's

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

conduct, may have indicated consent.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Discussion of condom STI testing my birth control shows that there was discussion about having penetrative sex before the act itself.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Not true.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

The discussion about STIs and my IUD

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

happened the next day.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Those were in the May 28 text messages. And that those text messages explicitly indicated her consent. Those were after the fact. That's not consent in the moment. And then the letter that went along with it. Dear Allegra and Justin, I received and

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

reviewed the December 5, 2017 report and recommendations of the OEO Hearing Committee on the complaint Allegra filed against Justin. I also received the documents and other evidence presented at the November 29, 2017 hearing. Having considered these materials, I accept the Committee's decision with regard to Allegra's complaint against Justin that there was insufficient evidence that the respondent violated Western University policy. 101 2.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

You both have the right to appeal

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

this decision to the President of the University by submitting a written request for

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

appeal within five calendar days after receiving this decision.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

If no written request for appeal is submitted within five days, this will be the final decision of the University. Best wishes sincerely the Vice President of the University at the time.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I received that on December 21st. That is four days before Christmas with five calendar days I would have had to appeal to the President of the

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

university by December 26th.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I think what's so criminal about that is expecting survivors to make these heart

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

wrenching, super difficult, super high risk, something

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

that's very meaningful in life to make those decisions within three days.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Five days of receiving life altering news.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

And once again I feel like that's by design. It's like, oh just make like a really big decision about appealing to a hearing about letting the president of your university read about your vaginal laceration.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Not to mention it's hard to reach people like your lawyer and other people that you may need assistance or help making this happen. Could be on vacation or not, checking email, et cetera. Their decision was made on December 5, correct?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

So why did they wait till the 21st?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Great question. I'd love to know, but I don't have an answer for you.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

And did you end up appealing to the vice president?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

No. I was so worn out. It was Christmas time, for heaven's sake.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I didn't want to be known by

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

the president of the university because they read about the. The most intimate parts of me and the worst night of my life. And I didn't want to have to

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

make that decision on Christmas.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

What was that like for you emotionally, when you sort of reached this end point and realizing the system ended at that juncture?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

To an extent, I was over it. It had just drawn on for so much longer than I wanted and so much longer than my expectation was set from the beginning. I think it would be one thing if they were more transparent about university procedure. There was no one overseeing the application of the rules of the school as well as procedural things. There was no one holding them accountable to what they had told us. So in that way, it was a relief to be done. My broader question to Western University and other universities out there is what is the point of even engaging in this Application of Title 9 if you know you're not going to do right by anybody in this situation? You know you're not going to follow

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

your own procedures and rules.

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[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

A year after the Greek barbecue, I am with my classmates in between technique class and pointe class, and one of my classmates is discussing this new hot guy that she's dating. I was really excited for her initially because she was a very sheltered and kind of arrested development type person. I was shocked to learn that she was dating at all.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

The other girls that were her closer friends that she lived with were saying

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

how attractive the guy was that she was dating. We were all super happy for her. And so we're putting on our shoes and she pulls up the guy's Instagram profile and hands it to me because I want to see. And my stomach drops. The walls are closing in. The world has stopped because it's Justin. And that terrified me because I saw Justin for who he really was. At this point, the Title 9 investigation was behind us. The hearing finding was behind us. And I knew what he was and who he was. And there was just no way that a rapist is taking interest in a very immature and sexually unexperienced woman with good intent. I felt that he sought her out and, you know, did. Did research almost on me to find out who in my immediate circle, in all of my classes could he take advantage of best, and that was this girl.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

And to paint a picture for people,

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

the ballet program and the dance program in general is small. We take all of our classes together and typically we would even have end up taking gen EDS or classes outside of our major together because oftentimes it was the only one that worked with our schedule and we needed it to graduate. We're in the fall of senior year at this point, so I know this woman incredibly well. We have been in the trenches together, dancing for up to 12 hours a day for years now. When I saw that Instagram profile, it was a horrible moment going through my head. Then in rapid succession is that no contact agreement is still in place. But what if he sexually assaults my friend? What do I do? Because I was aware, more aware than I had been a year ago anyway, that due process equals perpetrator perks. And I didn't want to get in trouble in my senior year for violating the no contact agreement after I had stuck to it for all those years. I certainly wasn't going to get in trouble for that. And it would have brought me down to his level if I had violated that. So all of this is swirling around in my head and we only have

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

15 minutes between the end of technique and the start of point. So I'm trying to get my Shoes

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

on, go to the bathroom, have a snack, get situated so I can have a successful class.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

And all of this is cycling through my head.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I would like to think I'm a very principled person. So pretty quickly I made up my mind that no contact agreement be damned. I was gonna approach her because my

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

experience with him was a life and death experience, and I didn't want her

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

to have a life and death experience. I decided to go ahead and tell her.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I pulled her out into the hallway

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

and I said, you know how a year ago I was raped? And I went through this whole thing

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

with an investigation and a hearing. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, well, your new

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

boyfriend was my rapist.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I couldn't really read how she took it.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

And I think I did emphasize to her, I could get in trouble for telling you this, but I care about

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

you and your well being enough that

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I don't necessarily care about that.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I think she just said, okay, and

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

then went back in the room.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

It sounds like maybe you both were in a bit of state of shock.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Yes.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I couldn't even make it through pointe class. And it was what, 50 minutes, an hour? Something like that. I remember saying, like, I can't do this to my friend.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

And I left the pointe class and I excused myself. One of the program heads, who was

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

female, I just remember sitting on a

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

bench with her inside the dance building telling her this, and she sent me home.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Did she seem sympathetic to the situation?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Yes.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I didn't want to go home because

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I didn't want to miss any more

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

school, and I didn't want it to impact my grade because the other thing

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

about Western University's ballet department is you

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

only had, I think it was like five absences per semester, per class.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Do you think that it got back to him that you had told her that? The new girlfriend?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yeah, immediately. I didn't know this until my conversations with Dr. Badera in 2022, and then reading the book, but she immediately went and told him, and they went to the office of the Dean of Students. I was facing potentially expulsion for telling her that. So due process.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

What?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Because I don't know how he got on probation for breaking it. And I would have maybe gotten expelled. The only thing that saved me was that she was unwilling to make a formal statement. To think that my academic future and

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

my position at school was saved was

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

because she was unwilling to get involved in a formal capacity is very scary to me. I just didn't realize that other people were invited in on this conversation. And I Was surprised to see that either people were on my side or people were on her side, which I didn't realize this was, like, a thing we were taking sides on. People would say, like, privately, I think you did the right thing in telling her, but I don't want to tell her that. I just want to stay out of it. And then somehow it turned into, I didn't want Justin's girlfriend to be happy. Instead of me trying to protect her from someone who I knew was violent, dangerous, manipulative, narcissistic, it really impacted our relationship and made me close off to her because I didn't want to give

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

Justin a window into my life.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

That was the other scary thing is I was worried he would show up to a performance we were both in and there'd be nothing I can do about it, because that's her boyfriend coming to support her. But it's also my rapist coming to antagonize me. When I was a senior in college, a president of a different fraternity contacted me. I don't even think I had his number. So he sought me out and got my number and called me to let me know that Justin was trying to rush his fraternity and that they knew the situation and that there was no way he was going to let him in. But he just wanted to make me aware of the ways that Justin was still moving, which I just think is interesting.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

I think it also says a lot that multiple men that you spoke with believed you and saw enough of him that they could see it. I know you became the president of your college's It's On Us chapter. I'd love to just hear how you got involved in the advocacy work and what that was like for you.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yes. I first found out about It's On Us chapter starting at Western University when I was still going through my Title IX process. So I joined the team my first year. I applied and I interviewed for essentially the survivor support position, and I received that position. And it was a team of all women. That first year, we were plodding along as a chapter, But I really felt like when I applied for the presidency and received that position, It's On Us kind of took off. And that was my goal with it. I wanted to put it on the map. I wanted everybody to know that we existed so that we could help as many survivors as possible get to the right resources. I feel like students are maybe more likely to connect with peers than they are with administrators in offices with It's On Us. It's a lower barrier of entry because

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

at the end of the day, we're

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

students just like them who care about sexual assault prevention, bystander intervention, education and resources. One of It's On Us tenants is that sexual assault is not a women's issue and that men should care about sexual assault and be educated about sexual assault as well. The other thing that I did with the team that I think was pretty revolutionary is we could kind of build our teams in the way that we saw fit. So I added positions that were kind of liaison positions for Greek life, for athletics. I brought a lot of men onto the team because I thought it was important. So the first year that I was on the team, it was all women. And then through my presidency, we were about half and half men and women, which was really awesome. We met semi regularly. We did a lot of tabling, signing the It's On Us pledge, which was about believing survivors and bystander intervention, saying something if you see something, intervening on a potentially unsafe situation. We did an event with sexual assault nurse examiners. If I couldn't be there, a member of my team was there. We took advantage of every opportunity, every fair. We tried to think of different ways to engage different groups of people on campus. I was recognized by national It's On Us as a race, really strong chapter president.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

And did you feel like participating in It's On Us Was healing to you in some capacity?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yes and no. It was healing to me to interact with other survivors and be there for them if they were interested in Title 9 or their different options. Try to guide them through that with as much insider knowledge as I had accrued. Having gone through the experience myself, I tried not to present any option with any sort of bias, which was challenging because I had had such a terrible experience with Title ix. The hardest part was interacting with the Title IX office and all these other administrators who had screwed me over. At the time of my Itzanas presidency, the student whom I had known through student government that was on my hearing committee became president of our student government on campus. And I was still also involved in that. He was my boss for all intensive purposes. And our student groups got funding through our student government. So that was one of the ways, in my capacity as It's On Us President, that I was having to interact with the president of student government who had heard my testimony about my vaginal laceration. But that's how Iesanas had to get funding, so I had to put up with it. The only reason that I became interested in activism and engaged in activism was because I wanted others experience to be better than mine. I promise you from the bottom of my heart, I had no other agenda than that. It was not about me. It was not about my self interest because my shot had come and gone. There was nothing more for me to do for myself. But there was so much more I felt I could do for others.

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[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I was suspicious that Justin would perpetrate again, but I had no proof until the summer of 2020 when the world was exploding. It was Covid there was just a cultural re examination of all things. And one of the things that was happening on Twitter at the time, and I know it's not called that anymore, but go with me. At that time, in the geographical area, area where Western was located, there were these lists that were being published on Twitter of perpetrators in the geographical locale. And someone notified me that my perpetrator's name was on one of these lists on Twitter. Seeing him on the list and knowing I wasn't the one to report him just made me sit up straight. I hadn't had a Twitter account since high school, but I got on there so quick and created an account and reached out to this anonymous Twitter account that was producing these lists. As quickly as they were popping up, Twitter was shutting them down because I think the perpetrators were reporting them. I was frantically trying to get into contact with one and I did and I was like, hey, my perpetrator is on this list. It's this person. Can you see if anyone that reported him to you? One wants to talk to me. And by a stroke of sheer luck, one of them did. And that's how I first became aware that Justin was a serial perpetrator. I was actually able to have a phone call with her that summer. Her rape occurred in December of 2017, before the results of the hearing had come out. So our Title IX process, though it

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

was at the end, was still ongoing,

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

which is pretty incredible, the confidence, the brazenness required to do that when you're still actively under investigation and still within that probationary period as well. So that was the first one. Then Dr. Badera alerted me to the

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

rest through her book and her research.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

In Dr. Badera's book, on the Wrong side How Universities Protect Perpetrators and Betray Survivors of Sexual Violence, they referred to Alegre as Marissa. They're both pseudonyms, but because we have a Marissa already this season, we're referring to her as Allegra. So if you do read the book and you're wondering who Allegra is in the book, she's Marissa. This is from chapter four, victim and villain. And it's page 81. In my copy of the book is where this excerpt comes from. It says, I heard about Allegra for months before I finally met her in person. Nearly every administrator I encountered had something to say about her and nearly all of it was negative. They met her when she filed a report about her own sexual assault. But they now knew her as the most vocal advocate for survivors on campus and a persistent thorn in their sides. When they described her, they told the surprisingly consistent, consistent story of an attention seeking girl who used rape allegations as a networking tool. An investigator called her annoying. The Title IX coordinator saw her as out of touch. Even the lead victim advocate tried to discredit her work, insisting she was controlling, manipulative and selfish, speaking for herself and hurting others. Everyone assumed I had met her and wanted to ensure sure I, quote, knew the full story, end quote, before I gave her too much credibility. And that's why she is the only survivor whom I personally invited to participate in an interview. What is it like to hear that that was the impression she had?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

It brings tears to my eyes, that excerpt, honestly, because to think that someone would engage with the Title IX process

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

and see it through to the extent

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

that I did, or at all, that that would be the avenue through which I would seek attention or infamy or want to be known, I don't even have a word for it backwards. Hurtful, disgusting.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

So off base.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

The Title 9 coordinator thinks I'm out of touch.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

She's out of touch.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I also have to say, if the head of the victim advocates office thought that I was manipulative and attention seeking as well, you're part of the problem. I think that opinion is more hurtful than any of the others because as a victim advocate, she was in the trenches. She saw all the shit that was going on at Western and how badly survivors were being treated on a daily basis. And quite frankly, how badly the victim advocates were being treated because they were representing survivors. This tiny, rundown, grungy little office that they were given, the victim advocates were

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

on top of each other in there.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

It was hard to have more than one victim advocate consulting in there at a time because it was so cramped. It was not easy for me to become an advocate because I had to engage with people who screwed me on a daily basis. My goal was to make it better for the next survivor because sex crimes, domestic violence, interpersonal violence, these are preventable crimes. And if someone had the misfortune of going through this on my campus, I wanted to make sure that their experience was better, that they got a finding that gave them justice. None of it was about me. My life probably would have been a lot easier if I was in denial, if I had never been able to realize that I had been raped, if I had just let it go or tucked it away, I'm sure it would have impacted me and would have come up later. But my college experience and my access to education was ruined by my rape

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

and then my following experience with the

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Title IX process, to think that I was doing that for attention is just so off base. I don't even know what to say. And then to, like, double, triple down on it, to have a group think about it, that that's the consensus is wild. And I also, at the time, did not know that at all. I did not know that all of those forces were working against me. So I guess in a way it showed me how strong I am because I was able to still do a lot and work in that space with their low opinions of me, me in a way that was oddly empowering. I also think they were thinking about what I said. Maybe they were discounting me at the time, but my presence and their low thoughts of me, what I was advocating for, it got to them, and I don't think that's a bad thing. And I think they had assumed that she had already met me because why wouldn't this attention hound get right in on the ground floor of a study? This is right up her alley, as

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

she said in that quote you read. I had no idea the study was taking place, and I only participated because

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

she reached out and asked, and what

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

do you recall about meeting her and hearing about the study?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

She sent me an email. I think she got my contact from the victim advocate's office. Being a student advocate, I kind of felt like it was my duty to participate in something like this. I had no way of knowing it was going to turn into a book, which is cool. It was my duty, I felt, to help out and to uplift the voices of people that were too afraid, too ashamed to speak up for themselves. I was going to be that voice for them. She sent me an initial email explaining who she was and the study, and then I responded to that saying, like,

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

yeah, sure, I'll be in your study.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

It was towards the end of semester. I was about to graduate. I kind of wanted to keep it hush that I was participating at all, because I was concerned about if they found out that I was doing this and they didn't like it. I was worried they were going to take my degree away, that they wouldn't let me graduate. So I wanted to kind of be incognito as I engaged with this. We met up in this pretty empty university building in a classroom that she had presumably reserved or rented out. I didn't really see another soul going there or leaving, which was good. That was kind of comforting because it felt private. She had her questions prepared and we just went through it and that was it. Once I participated in her study, what I told her was kind of hers

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

to use as she saw fit.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Which is part of my motivation for wanting to do the podcast, is because although I think she did a great job, I want to kind of reclaim what was mine to tell. And I don't want that to come off as negative towards Dr. Badara because I really adore her so much and have so much respect for her. She sent out her dissertation to all

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

of us who participated in the study.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

And then she contacted me in the winter of 2022 to basically say, like, hey, the study you participated in is turning into a book. Here is a bunch of the things that I found out so you are not blindsided when you get a copy that I will send you. Which I thought was really great of her. When I got it in the mail,

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I stayed up all night.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I read my sections first, and then I started reading everybody else's the hardest thing in reading the book. Apparently, three other dancers in the dance department came forward and reported that Justin had perpetrated some sort of sexual assault against them. The administrator in the dance department whom they reported to, brought it to the office of the Dean of students. But because they were so biased against me and thought so poorly of me, they did not report those assaults through the proper channels. They didn't show up on the Clery report because they thought that my self interest, my hatred, my vendetta against Justin was so strong that I had put these women up to accusing him and it was all a big conspiracy that I had manufactured. Meanwhile, the truth is, I had no idea that he had done that. The last other victim of Justin that I found out about was also through Dr. Badera. She was apparently involved in Greek life. Reported to the office of fraternity and Sorority Life on campus. They're the governing bodies of the sororities and fraternities, but then they're like actual adults with completed diplomas and sometimes master degrees that run the Greek office to

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

help the students run Greek life.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

The Greek office knew that he was my perpetrator. And so they went to the office

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

of the Dean of students and they

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

were like, hey, we know about these other assaults. And you didn't report them to Cleary. You didn't go through the proper channels. And now we have another one. And I don't know if anything ever came of that. I had no idea that those women even existed. It makes me shudder to think how the rumors and heat that I took when Justin started dating my classmate from everybody. I'm sure those other victims were privy to those conversations as well. And I can't imagine how much it hurt them and made them feel small and shrink into themselves as well.

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[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Dr. Badara writes. In fact, none of Justin's other victims managed to clear all the new barriers to opening a second investigation against him. Justin, however, felt supported by Western University. When asked if there was anything he wanted to say to the administration who handled his case, he said simply, you can tell them. I said good job. End quote. While Western University staff treated Alegre like an unusually difficult victim, the only atypical thing about her case was her unwillingness to quietly accept its outcome. The challenges Allegra faced were common to most survivors, as were the advantages given to perpetrators like Justin. The Title IX process is designed to ensure perpetrators and men specifically remain on campus regardless of the threat they pose to other students.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I did not know that she had spoken with Justin. It kind of surprised me that he would be willing to participate in an interview. You would think that perpetrators of sexual assault would be like, oh, I got away with it. I'm not gonna dwell on this aspect of my life. But that couldn't have been more untrue. Come to find out with Justin, it was a badge of honor for him almost.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

It was wild reading about her interview and what she gathered from Justin in his interview.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

It makes your skin crawl.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Before he had even learned of the Title 9 investigation, he had texted at least 50 people that weekend of the assault, including your friends and former roommates, probing for negative stories about you and weaving into them his narrative about how she was, quote, psycho, a word he used over 30 times in our 100 minute interview with Dr. Badera.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I had no idea he contacted that many people, but that tells me that he knew he did wrong.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

His advocate that worked with him, whom Dr. Badara referred to as Natalie, presented herself as somebody who was about consent and feminism. But it really seems like she enabled Justin throughout this process. Justin is the perpetrator that Dr. Badara said seemed to enjoy the hearing process. And hearing you cross examined.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yes.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

He also claimed in his interview with her that the allegations had ruined his life. But then he also talks about enjoying the process and that it was something that he even brought up right away with women. Now when he's dating, I'd love for

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

him to show me how it ruined his life. He graduated from Western with his degree and a clean record. And that he used his experience in Title 9. And being, quote, unquote, wrongfully accused as a way to pick up other women is just the nastiest, most base, dirty, disgusting, filthy thing you could do. He got all those perks and academic accommodations, and it's my understanding that he utilized them more than I did. Because he could not because you actually needed anything. Using it to lull women into a false sense of security on dates that didn't ruin your life. Going on to perpetrate what five more times that I know about didn't seem to really slow you down. You've been gainfully employed from what I can tell. How did it ruin your life?

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

What did you learn about the handling through the university, through reading Dr. Badera's book that you didn't know about before?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I did not know that perpetrators or respondents were provided an advocate, Especially in Justin's case. I knew that he was guilty and that he did rape me. So why on earth does a rapist need an advocate? It did not even occur to me that he would be provided with one, let alone that she would be sent.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

The day of the Greek barbecue.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

That was the woman from the office of the dean of students that showed up at the Greek barbecue. But to me, at that time, she was just a lady from the dean of students office. If his advocate was sent, why wasn't my advocate sent? Like, if we're gonna do this whole due process thing, if we're gonna go tit for tat, it just puts a different color of lens through which to see everything. It also seemed from Dr. Badera's writings that the Title IX office was very charmed by him and his. What I took to be erratic emotional behavior in their office and kind of playing on those gender stereotypes that if a man is emotional, that must mean he's sensitive and he couldn't be a rapist. Justin is the ultimate manipulator. He knew what he was doing, and he did it well.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Did you make contact with Dr. Badera after you read the book?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yes.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Do you recall what that conversation was like or what your main emotional takeaways were from this becoming public.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Dr. Badera is a gem again, someone I have tremendous respect for. She she has always treated me with kindness and respect and put clinical terms with the experiences that I've shared with her, which has helped me know that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. There was so much going on that I was not privy to and I would have acted differently had I known. So it was great to have her support also in the guilt that I felt. Even though I went to the ends of the earth with my case and tried to do so for others, it was still really hard to hear and it's really hard to be the first

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

known victim of a serial perpetrator, which

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

is what I am. The book was also hard to read from the sense that I knew what was coming to an extent because she had warned me about my own story. My case was one of the earlier cases, general timeline wise, that was featured in the book. So to hear that all this crap and the utter mistreatment of these other women on my campus happened after me and while I was being a thorn in their side was also really hard

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

to hear and accept.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Naysayers of the book don't want to believe that it could be the truth because it's so awful, because we all were treated so, so poorly and our lives were the ones that were ruined. Another thing that I have asked Dr. Padera about is I wanted to know if the other survivors wanted to talk, if we maybe wanted to do like a support group or something. None of the other women in the book want to engage with me, which is totally fine. Even though I've never met them, I don't know who they are. I feel solidarity and sisterhood through the women that are on the pages of the book, just like me and I hope they're doing okay. Western University, you should be so ashamed of yourselves. I have nothing to be embarrassed about because I told the truth and did the best that I could and I was a 19, 20, 21, 22 year old woman, very young, coming up against this insurmountable system and bureaucracy and backwards way of thinking and living. I wish I could have done more, but I don't think I could have done any more with the system that I was forced to work in.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Could you explain to listeners a bit about how you and I became connected and what made you decide to speak out on the podcast?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I've been a long time listener.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

If something was wrong since season one, depending on the season of my life, it wasn't the easiest content to engage with, given my background. But I'm a big admirer of yours as well and have great respect for what you do. Elevating the Survivor voice in a credible way, I think is really important and valuable and necessary in this world that we live in. I was listening to the previous season about these boarding schools. Then I saw that the Preview for season 25 was coming out. And so I pressed play because it came up in my feed. And immediately I recognized Dr. Badera's voice, and I was like, oh, man, they're doing Title nine. I gotta get involved in this if I can. So I actually reached out to Dr. Badera.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I was like, hey, I heard your

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

voice on Something Was Wrong Season 25 preview. I didn't even have to check the caption. I knew it was you. And she was like, yeah, I did get interviewed. And I was like, can you help me get in contact with their team? And she was like, I know that they're already almost wrapping on the recording. And so I very desperately was emailing, Instagram, messaging, and filling out your intake form on your website to try to get a chance to come talk to you.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

And I imagine it had to be kind of ironic, given that you listened to the show and then to hear this coming on, it's like, world's colliding, so to speak.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Yeah. Well, I'm really glad that someone, especially someone who I think has such great journalistic integrity. It's you.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Thank you.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Is doing something on Title ix, because I really feel like this is not talked about very much. My perception before college was that the era of colleges ignoring sexual assault was over with the release of the film the Hunting Ground. Those survivors in that documentary are my idols. I think they are so amazing, so brave. And I think that's honestly another reason that I was attracted to advocacy, was remembering the women in the Hunting Ground and how they band together because they were wronged so horribly by their universities. This was a period where Title 9 and universities, the process was not as formalized, and they were really doing everything they could to not even investigate vicious rapes. Those ladies really inspired me to get involved in advocacy. Reflecting and getting ready to record this podcast, I realized I don't really connect with college friends. You know, I have my sorority sisters on social media. I'll comment or like things from time to time. But because of my experience with sexual assault and with title nine, it is just too traumatic for me to engage with any relationships and friendships from that collegiate period of time in my life. I haven't really been back to the state where Western is located. Even though several of my sisters live there and have gotten married there and I've been invited. I just cannot go back. All the things that I had set out that I wanted from a sorority when I went through recruitment to have those lifelong friendships, to be bridesmaids in each other's weddings, to see their families grow up alongside mine, none of that has happened because of this. The day after I graduated, I moved and never looked back. And it makes me sad because it's not any of these sorority sisters or other friends fault that I can't really engage with them. I just can't go back to that space. Even though those people weren't part of the trauma or if anything, they were supportive and helpful. Like the sister, for example, who took

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

the screenshots of Justin's messages with a different device.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I missed her wedding and that's really sad for me because she supported me and was such a great friend to me and I wanted to be there for her. And this is something that was incredibly happy. She's happily married, her husband's great, but I just couldn't do it and that sucks. It's so unfortunate that Justin still has a hand in my life in that way.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

Are there any steps or things that you've been able to do to sort of help alleviate some of that pain?

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

Well, I've been through a lot of therapy, a lot of different types of therapy. Who's to say that I won't continue to do those things and try to take those strides? But I guess it's just not a top of the list thing to be able to go back to that state. By closing that door, I've been able to be more functional on a day to day basis. I had a lot of sensory issues once I graduated in a few years after the assault, I was having a lot of problems with my neck area. I don't wear necklaces, turtlenecks, or high necked things. I don't really like things on my neck at all. The other thing that was really problematic for me is I was having kind of a phantom pain at the laceration site in my genital area. For years I was suffering with. With that I would feel almost the sting of a paper cut. And it was when I got triggered or when I felt anxious. Then that cortisol spike was leading me to have continual issues with things like urinary tract infections, bacterial vaginosis. Basically my own stress levels was causing me to become infected and unbalanced. So I end up getting being referred to a pelvic pain specialist. I think she had a hard time and the practitioners in her office had a hard time saying, what's going on for you is really real and very visceral, but it is a somatic response. Physically, there is no laceration anymore and there hasn't been since right after the assault. The other thing that I would say really helped with the somatic issues that

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I was experiencing was EMDR therapy.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I know I said before that Justin ruined my life and in some ways he did. But I'm still here.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

I'm still alive.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

I'm still doing what I love to do.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

With the right resources.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

With therapy, it is possible for you to live a fulfilling life after sexual assault, after rape, after domestic violence. It's not an easy road, but you can get there. If my story resonates with you, reach

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate, continuing)]

out to somebody because you don't need to live in shame and silence.

[Allegra (Survivor and Advocate)]

You deserve help and support for what you're experiencing.

[Interviewer / Podcast Producer]

I can't thank you enough for being willing to reach out and speak with us, and I'm just so thankful that our paths crossed the way that they did and that we were able to include you in the season.

[Podcast Host]

Next time on Something Was Wrong.

[Guest Teaser Speaker]

When the second meeting with the lawyers was over, as we were leaving the room, my teammates were in my coach's office at the time. I remember saying to one of my teammates, this is what's happening. I didn't do it, but this is the situation that I'm in. And that pretty quickly got out. I remember saying to my coach, if this gets out, the girls will never forgive me. And I was 100% correct in that feeling.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you so much to each and every survivor and guest for sharing their experiences with us and thank you for listening. Something Was Wrong is a Broken Cycle Media production created and executively produced by Tiffany Reese. Thank you endlessly to our team associate producer Amy B. Chesler, Social media Marketing manager Lauren Barkman, graphic artist Sarah Stewart, and audio engineers Becca High and Steven Wack, Marissa and Travis at WME AudioBoom, and our legal and security partners. Thank you so much to the incredibly talented Abiomi Lewis for this season's gorgeous cover of Glad Rag's original song you Think youk from their album Wonder Under. Thank you to music producer Janice JP Pacheco for their work on this cover recorded at the Grill Studios in Emeryville, California. Find all artists socials linked in the episode notes to support and hear more. If you'd like to share your story with us, please head tosomething was wrong.com if you would like to help support the show, you can subscribe and listen ad free on Apple Podcasts. Purchase a sticker from our sticker [e-mail], share the podcast with a loved one or leave us a review. Want to stay up to date with us? Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Something Was Wrong Podcast. As always, thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe friends.